Canseco is a power-douche. Unlike those who visit the land of doucheness, touch upon doucheness accidentally, or catch douchosity like a virus from their acquaintances, Jose has sought out and owned doucheness even from his beginning. If you doubt this, the card-collecting douches amongst us will provide compelling proof, in the form of his Donruss "Rated Rookie" card, complete with his classic "Incredible Hulk" haircut and a chocolate milk-style mustache that declared "One day, I will lead a revolution of douches". Jose is in touch with his inner douche, he revels in all things douche, he experiments boldly in the laboratory of doucheness to achieve advancements in the field previously thought to be impossible -- he is a carrier of doucheness. He will be missed. If he ever goes away.

The Art of the Douche
 

Him saying "I must break you" in a smiley face sorta way. This guy needs to lay off the 'roids before his tallywacker shrivels off completely.

Bagbalm
 

seeya in a heart failure, Mr. steroid.
 

Why that's none other than Jessica Canseco, real-life-wife of the aforementioned douchebag.

She's also naked in Playboy. Hooray!