Some ask me, "DB1, how does one define what is and isn't a douchebag?"

Ah, grasshopper.

Therein lies our journey.

Anyone can put up pics of New Jersey guidos and mock them (and we have in the past, and I promise you we will again). But these are the obvious douchebags. The source douche.

But we must also study the secondary refracted douchitude. The quantum patterns of douche resonance that Schrodinger and Heisenberg spent so much time researching in the 1950s as they developed their theory of the douchebag/scrote duality.

Is a douchebag physical? Or a state of mind? At which point in space/time do Fratbags, Tonguebags, Guidobags and Yuppiebags converge into a singularity of douche, a black hole of such gravitational force that neither grease nor bling can escape? The douche must be studied in the zen context of a hottie. For without such a paradigm, we are but lost travelers in a dark forest. The 'bag leads us towards darkness. We need the light of Hottie to lead us out.

These are the metaphysical questions that plague us. As we will soon see in my book, "A Brief History of Douche", douche permeates the galaxy at the subatomic level and has been with us since the dawn of time itself. Studying its variants, its permutations, reveals to us the entire galaxy of douchitude and non-douchitude and how the two converge, harmonize and fractalize into dissonant shards of douchetude/hottie combos that come to us in so many disparate variations.

The HCwD is the duality of life itself. It defines the polarities of the illogic of this universe filled with such glorious contradictions, emotions and patterns. And so we study the douche/hottie combo, not just to better understand the craziness of our world. But to better understand ourselves.