Monday, December 18, 2006
Chronic Scrotatic Syndrome
While we're tallying up the HCwD of the Year voting, Baron Von Douchausen writes in to bring all of our attention to the horrible and debilitating 'bag disease, "CSS."Please won't you think of the 'bag children? Won't somebody think of the 'bag children?
I remember just a short time ago (maybe a month) when I was a virgin baghunter. My excitement seemingly knew no bounds. Now, I am sad to say, I've been diagnosed with a Chronic Scrotatic Syndrome (CSS). CSS, according to the DSM-IV, manifests itself with alternating fits of uncontrollable anger and unconsolable sadness. Many misdiagnose it as bi-polar disorder.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, CSS is suffered by males of any race who are subjected to witnessing the public displays of affection between beautiful women and "disgusting greasebags" (Schmidt, 1998). Advanced CSS is suffered by those who actively seek out hottie/bag action (Vitalini, 2005). Apparently, afflicted individuals become addicted to inexpensive alcohol-dense beverages and simple carbohydrates typically found in Lil' Debbie or Hostess snacks.
The only known treatment--there is no known cure (Hoffer, 1999)--is to find a hottie of one's own and humiliate her publicly with your hand gestures and tongue lolling (Schmidt & Dingle, 2003). It is not necessary to develop a relationship with the hottie (Dingle, 2004).
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 4:54 PM 
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As a physician I can only stress the importance of what the Baron is saying. This condition is serious and debilitating; ironically, in advanced cases victims strive to be like the douchebags who originally infected them. Chronic symptoms can also include: donning livestrong bracelets, patronizing Starbucks and ordering using words like "Venti" and "Frappuccino," wearing cheap metal link watches, shopping at Express and Hollister, being a Yankees fan, believing rings are appropriate for men, drinking colorful mixed drinks while at Da Club, being at Da Club, owning a Yukon Denali or any GMC vehicle (you can't finance gas), beliveing MySpace is appropriate for anyone with an XY chromasome and an age over 13, puchasing Kenneth Cole products, eating well-done meat or drinking Diet Coke, collars up, droopy pants down and sucking-on Charms Blow Pops while groping beautiful babies.
If you find yourself wearing a necklace of any variety or enjoying the feel of a headband, contact your primary health provider.
If you find yourself wearing a necklace of any variety or enjoying the feel of a headband, contact your primary health provider.
i really need to stage the douches into a criminal trap so they'd get their asses hauled to jail.
and then all i need is to fake a heroic (but phony) feat so i can fuck that blonde. hard.
and then all i need is to fake a heroic (but phony) feat so i can fuck that blonde. hard.
# posted by 
: 9:13 PM
: 9:13 PM
That blonde is a doll baby.
bmt points out the lollipop the 'bag on the right is gripping, but how on earth does he know the correct brand? The man has done his research.
With apologies to pandora and other 'bag hunters of the feminine variety, but there is a dearth of material about how CSS affects women. Perhaps a MacArthur or Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation grant could be had for some more research into this most terrible of emotional diseases.
bmt points out the lollipop the 'bag on the right is gripping, but how on earth does he know the correct brand? The man has done his research.
With apologies to pandora and other 'bag hunters of the feminine variety, but there is a dearth of material about how CSS affects women. Perhaps a MacArthur or Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation grant could be had for some more research into this most terrible of emotional diseases.
# posted by : 4:24 AM
: 4:24 AM
If these two girl ARE over 17, I'd be as surprised as the guy on the right is. I dont know what to say about that anorexic vd-ridden, let my cell mate braid my hair blond, she has obviously run the horrifying guido gauntlet before. I think the other ugly one is simply that disturbing looking blow pop sucking(which is why he looks like he's wearing lip stick) excrement's older sister, out showing Vinny how to have fun. Beware that blond, I would be willing to bet my life that she has 3-4 std's, dont let the eyes fool you.
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# posted by : 6:18 PM
: 6:18 PM << Home
