Thursday, December 28, 2006
The Douchies: Hottest Abs
Voting on the general quality of the hotties on this site is a near impossible task. So many gorgeous creatures have revealed their weakness for oily scrote that trying to narrow them down to three is a near impossibility. So rather than attempt a general "hottie" vote (which we've tried in the past), I'm going to open up the floor for a debate on the perfection of the female abs.
I'm talking baby back rib abs. The type you want to dip in a nice steak sauce and chew on for a four day weekend. And, of course, we must factor in the other half of the ledger, the power of rank douchebaggery that those abs have chosen to comingle with.
So, without further ado, here are the nominees...
Hottest Abs #1: Ab-solutely Douchulous
I didn't really give this pic an adequate name the first time around, so this time we'll go with "Ab-solutely Douchulous."
Speaking of douchulous, headband 'bag could've been a finalist for spikiest hair with that frosted mop of thorns.
I do sort of appreciate anyone who tacks up a neon "Bud" crown light on their fireplace.
As to abs, she is all that cheers me to a state of perpetual warmth on a cold, cold night.
Hottest Abs #2: The Wigga Clown
Persian Princess has those soft abs with just a hint of definition. Couched in a lightly dusted layer of fat, they are supple, yet firm. Like a tasty pork tenderloin, I would dip in apple sause and serve sizzling hot. It may be a costume pic, but the fact that Halloween continues to be a holiday that allows hotties to let out their inner slut makes it good by me.
Hottest Abs #3: The Scrote Warrior
Here's a fan fave from back in the day, as this skeezy 'bag attemps to grab this slender stalk of abaliscious perfection like a sucking pleco fish. I want to feed him algae until he sticks to the side of my fishtank.
She may only be a mid level cutie in the face, but stare at those abs, blink repeatedly for thirty seconds, then stare at a blank wall.
Do you see that?
It's perfection.
Good thing I don't have to vote. My first answer to these three pics? Yes, please. But it's up to you. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
I'm talking baby back rib abs. The type you want to dip in a nice steak sauce and chew on for a four day weekend. And, of course, we must factor in the other half of the ledger, the power of rank douchebaggery that those abs have chosen to comingle with.
So, without further ado, here are the nominees...
Hottest Abs #1: Ab-solutely Douchulous
I didn't really give this pic an adequate name the first time around, so this time we'll go with "Ab-solutely Douchulous."
Speaking of douchulous, headband 'bag could've been a finalist for spikiest hair with that frosted mop of thorns.
I do sort of appreciate anyone who tacks up a neon "Bud" crown light on their fireplace.
As to abs, she is all that cheers me to a state of perpetual warmth on a cold, cold night.
Hottest Abs #2: The Wigga Clown
Persian Princess has those soft abs with just a hint of definition. Couched in a lightly dusted layer of fat, they are supple, yet firm. Like a tasty pork tenderloin, I would dip in apple sause and serve sizzling hot. It may be a costume pic, but the fact that Halloween continues to be a holiday that allows hotties to let out their inner slut makes it good by me.
Hottest Abs #3: The Scrote Warrior
Here's a fan fave from back in the day, as this skeezy 'bag attemps to grab this slender stalk of abaliscious perfection like a sucking pleco fish. I want to feed him algae until he sticks to the side of my fishtank.
She may only be a mid level cutie in the face, but stare at those abs, blink repeatedly for thirty seconds, then stare at a blank wall.
Do you see that?
It's perfection.
Good thing I don't have to vote. My first answer to these three pics? Yes, please. But it's up to you. Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 6:05 AM 
Comments:
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Yes, yes, a little layer of fat on the abs is not only acceptable, it makes it easier for the Baron to take the hottie's interest in the Baron much more seriously. So, it would seem that Abs-solutely Douchulous and the the Wigga Clown would be the main competitors for my vote.
They're not.
In this crazy mixed-up world, when it comes to abs, we value fat-free middles that reveal the sectional beauty of the rectus abdominus. Yes, I know there are other ab muscles out there, but these are the ones that give the classic six-pack look thanks to God's need to put some fucking tendons somewhere to attach these things to a bone.
The hottie with Scrote Warrior isn't so much a gym rat as she is thin. But that doesn't detract from those abs.
I like a gentle slope that naturally leads to the honey pot at the end of the ab rainbow. Sure, hottie's face isn't beauty pageant quality or sultry gorgeous, but to have that tight little body writhing to break free...well...whatever...she gets my vote.
I'm off to the ice plunge the Baroness had installed in the master bath. She hates it when I wake her because I've been reviewing HCwD.
They're not.
In this crazy mixed-up world, when it comes to abs, we value fat-free middles that reveal the sectional beauty of the rectus abdominus. Yes, I know there are other ab muscles out there, but these are the ones that give the classic six-pack look thanks to God's need to put some fucking tendons somewhere to attach these things to a bone.
The hottie with Scrote Warrior isn't so much a gym rat as she is thin. But that doesn't detract from those abs.
I like a gentle slope that naturally leads to the honey pot at the end of the ab rainbow. Sure, hottie's face isn't beauty pageant quality or sultry gorgeous, but to have that tight little body writhing to break free...well...whatever...she gets my vote.
I'm off to the ice plunge the Baroness had installed in the master bath. She hates it when I wake her because I've been reviewing HCwD.
# posted by 
: 5:44 AM
: 5:44 AM
DB1, I could swear I had seen some hotter ab pics on this site before...
In any case, it's a no-brainer: the chick in the Scrote Warrior pic is really fucking juicy. I actually think she's quite pretty. And, of course, I wanna bounce a quarter off her abs into a shot class of tequila. Dude, just check out the part just above the string on her bikini bottoms...that little crease where the pelvis is, leading down into wonderland. And the fact that she is sweaty, and salty, and good. Yes, the Meat Man likes him some salty after-sunbathing sex. Believe.
And the fact that this fucking gay-ass rodeo clown is gonna have her instead of me. Urge to kill....rising....
In any case, it's a no-brainer: the chick in the Scrote Warrior pic is really fucking juicy. I actually think she's quite pretty. And, of course, I wanna bounce a quarter off her abs into a shot class of tequila. Dude, just check out the part just above the string on her bikini bottoms...that little crease where the pelvis is, leading down into wonderland. And the fact that she is sweaty, and salty, and good. Yes, the Meat Man likes him some salty after-sunbathing sex. Believe.
And the fact that this fucking gay-ass rodeo clown is gonna have her instead of me. Urge to kill....rising....
Wigga Clown. The princess engenders Princess Leia fantasies from my youth. I gotta go with pretty, soft and curvy any day of the week. The abs are beautiful and so is the rest. Wigga is more lame than douche, but the fact that he's with such an extreme hottie makes me want to torch that polyester costume so it becomes a permanent brand on his skeevy skin.
# posted by : 7:25 AM
: 7:25 AM
Wigga Clown's hottie is definitely the purtiest, but...since the category is indeed Hottest Abs, Scrote Warrior's girl gets my vote hands down. And hands on.
Hmm...he's probably urging her to keep her bikini top on, which makes me despise him that much more...
Hmm...he's probably urging her to keep her bikini top on, which makes me despise him that much more...
I'm gonan go with the Wigga Clown's hottie, she's damn perfect...
Don Juan de la Douche
Don Juan de la Douche
# posted by : 1:34 PM
: 1:34 PM
Because The Scrote Warrior's babe can be seen working other chicks' speedbags at welivetogether.com, perhaps we should disqualify her. Her abs are fabulous and her douchebag is whole and complete.
Val Kilmer as Ab-solutely Douchulous doesn't do much for me and as for The Wigga-Clown dressed like Spy vs. Spy, she's a little more of the full, belly-dancing type. Ok, un-DQ The Scrote Warrior's washboard and give it to her.
Val Kilmer as Ab-solutely Douchulous doesn't do much for me and as for The Wigga-Clown dressed like Spy vs. Spy, she's a little more of the full, belly-dancing type. Ok, un-DQ The Scrote Warrior's washboard and give it to her.
No question here. #1, she's average, all around, nothing special. #2 appears to be sucking her stomach in or something. The only candidate I see with abs at all is #3, and oh are they lovely. She doesnt look too good, as db1 pointed out, but thats not what were voting on.
Abs I'd donate my DNA on/to: #3's girl
Abs I'd donate my DNA on/to: #3's girl
# posted by : 7:25 PM
: 7:25 PM
Goodness.If I were to push any down a well....#1.No,change.#3.
I don't care for chick#1 or the Teri Weigel lookalike in #2.
I don't even care for chick#3,but that douche I can see zero humour in.Push him in.
With a sack of puppies.That's the mood he's put me in.
I don't care for chick#1 or the Teri Weigel lookalike in #2.
I don't even care for chick#3,but that douche I can see zero humour in.Push him in.
With a sack of puppies.That's the mood he's put me in.
# posted by : 7:41 PM
: 7:41 PM
if we're just talking about abs i'm gonna have to go with the Scrote Warrior, even though i hate the #1 douche the most.
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# posted by : 7:44 PM
: 7:44 PM << Home
