Monday, December 25, 2006
The Douchies: Spikiest Hair
Here's another tough category with so many worthy entries. I've boiled it down to four of the finest in douche-hair of the past year, and this is another category I'll be opening up for voting. I have a few categories I'll just be handing out awards in, because hey, it's the Douchies not the Oscars.
So fire up the grill and skewer some strip steaks on these frosted tipped douchebag porcupines. Here are the nominees...
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #1: Yet More Cactus Head
This is a classic two-toned 'bag muscle-t example, complete with 'bag face expression #02 and two half-drunk and long lost Bleethed out hotties.
But the hair.
Oh man that glorious spiked out hair. It's like bronze sculpture from the early impressionist period. I half expect Man-Ray to hang it on a wall next to a a Duchamp bicycle wheel. It is douche art.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #2: Chin o' Douche
I keyed in on C.O.D.'s chin when I first posted this pic, but now that I look at it again, I can't believe I didn't celebrate the shampoo-like swirly genius that is this dark and foreboding winter sea. Melville would have waxed poetic on this hair swirl, oh so long ago. Or, for the gutter humor fans, its like a giant pile of ferret puke.
Not to mention the deadly coral snake coiling around his neck. Add in that lively arc of Cleavite that could even make The Boitano find new ways of double axeling and this pic is all sorts of HCwD head pounding wrongness.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #3: Purple Lips
This pic really deserves a special award, and I'm still not sure how this monstrosity didn't make it into a HCwD of the Month winning entry, but it may have had to do with the "HC" side of the ledger. Regardless, Purple Lips deserves a little end of year Douchie Love (and by love I mean "spew"). If he doesn't win this category I'll have to give this turd some form of special honor.
Megods.
My eyes hurt like they've just run a marathon. Maybe we'll do a special award here at HCwD, if you can stare at this pic without blinking for twenty seconds, you'll get a free bottle of Night Train. Okay, no not really. Unless by "Free bottle of Night Train" I mean that I'll point you towards the local corner store where you can buy your own damn bottle for $1.99 plus deposit.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #4: Supernova
It's hard to argue with this slice of all-American douche goodness. Prom night never felt so scrotey. Like a sunflower plant basking in the rays of the Grieco Himself, this blooming ball of 'baggery has taken his first steps down the dark road of perdition.
Voting, as always, is in the comments thread. And since this is the end of year voting for the 2006 Douchie Awards, voting will be open all week. Winners, and virtual trophies, will be handed out next week.
So fire up the grill and skewer some strip steaks on these frosted tipped douchebag porcupines. Here are the nominees...
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #1: Yet More Cactus Head
This is a classic two-toned 'bag muscle-t example, complete with 'bag face expression #02 and two half-drunk and long lost Bleethed out hotties.
But the hair.
Oh man that glorious spiked out hair. It's like bronze sculpture from the early impressionist period. I half expect Man-Ray to hang it on a wall next to a a Duchamp bicycle wheel. It is douche art.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #2: Chin o' Douche
I keyed in on C.O.D.'s chin when I first posted this pic, but now that I look at it again, I can't believe I didn't celebrate the shampoo-like swirly genius that is this dark and foreboding winter sea. Melville would have waxed poetic on this hair swirl, oh so long ago. Or, for the gutter humor fans, its like a giant pile of ferret puke.
Not to mention the deadly coral snake coiling around his neck. Add in that lively arc of Cleavite that could even make The Boitano find new ways of double axeling and this pic is all sorts of HCwD head pounding wrongness.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #3: Purple Lips
This pic really deserves a special award, and I'm still not sure how this monstrosity didn't make it into a HCwD of the Month winning entry, but it may have had to do with the "HC" side of the ledger. Regardless, Purple Lips deserves a little end of year Douchie Love (and by love I mean "spew"). If he doesn't win this category I'll have to give this turd some form of special honor.
Megods.
My eyes hurt like they've just run a marathon. Maybe we'll do a special award here at HCwD, if you can stare at this pic without blinking for twenty seconds, you'll get a free bottle of Night Train. Okay, no not really. Unless by "Free bottle of Night Train" I mean that I'll point you towards the local corner store where you can buy your own damn bottle for $1.99 plus deposit.
Spikiest Hair Douchie Nominee #4: Supernova
It's hard to argue with this slice of all-American douche goodness. Prom night never felt so scrotey. Like a sunflower plant basking in the rays of the Grieco Himself, this blooming ball of 'baggery has taken his first steps down the dark road of perdition.
Voting, as always, is in the comments thread. And since this is the end of year voting for the 2006 Douchie Awards, voting will be open all week. Winners, and virtual trophies, will be handed out next week.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 5:01 PM 
Comments:
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in my highly amateur opinion, i think Purple Lips has the spikiest hair.
needless to say, i'm not and don't ever want to be an expert on hair spikiness.
needless to say, i'm not and don't ever want to be an expert on hair spikiness.
# posted by 
: 5:44 PM
: 5:44 PM 
Purple lips, without a doubt. Fake tan, shaved, sunglasses. Except for the hand gesture and chin pubes, he's got it all.
# posted by : 8:29 PM
: 8:29 PM
So far, it's unanimous(spllg?): Purple Lips. Besides all of his creepiness, his hair is absolutely the spikiest. He could've most definitely been a serious contender for HCwDotY. Unfortunately, he'll have to settle for the Spikiest Hair Douchie.
# posted by : 10:19 PM
: 10:19 PM
I feel bad that Purple Lips didn't get considered for HCwDotY (and by 'bad' I mean 'devoid of feeling'). While he's undeniably a massive douchebag with impressively spikey hair, his spikiness can't really hold a candle to the licorice and banana flavored Sno-cone that is Supernova.
Honorary mention (and possibly this award) should go to Blondenstein.
Honorary mention (and possibly this award) should go to Blondenstein.
# posted by : 11:35 PM
: 11:35 PM
Purple Lips. He deserves some award for single-handedly keeping the hair gel comapnies in business.
# posted by : 8:13 AM
: 8:13 AM
I've been holding back on this one, not wanting to get caught up in the Purple Lips-mania that came with the return of that infamous photo to this site.
So I've carefully perused each photo, blowing them up to full size and then examining each of these spike-'bags' hardened gel head-sculptures with painstaking attention to detail.
They all got some spike game, and at first my attention was drawn to nos. 1 and 4. Now these are some real cactus-headed scrotes for sure. But...I think the blond highlights are deceiving, making them look spikier than they actually are. The thing about these two is--their spikes are many and very even all around in a hedgehog sort of manner.
Then you look at Purple Lips. The photographer brave enough to take this picture hit those two with a flashbulb at close range, which really brings out the hair spikes on this hulking piece of TanDouchi Chicken.
Whereas #1 and #4 have uniform spikiness all over their shellacked skulls, the spikes on ol' Purple face stand out like the points on a crown--there's a huge hardened hair spike, then a canyon of grease, then the next spike and so on.
Imagine if the Statue of Liberty was in New Jersey instead of New York, shirtless and over-tanned instead of green and robed, and holding a trashy bleached blond chick instead of a torch and stone tablets--that's what I'm picturing here. Who needs a seven pointed crown when you can make one out of your hair and Elmer's glue?
So there you have it--I'm jumping on the Purple Lips bandwagon for the Spikiest Hair award. May there be more Douchies in his future.
So I've carefully perused each photo, blowing them up to full size and then examining each of these spike-'bags' hardened gel head-sculptures with painstaking attention to detail.
They all got some spike game, and at first my attention was drawn to nos. 1 and 4. Now these are some real cactus-headed scrotes for sure. But...I think the blond highlights are deceiving, making them look spikier than they actually are. The thing about these two is--their spikes are many and very even all around in a hedgehog sort of manner.
Then you look at Purple Lips. The photographer brave enough to take this picture hit those two with a flashbulb at close range, which really brings out the hair spikes on this hulking piece of TanDouchi Chicken.
Whereas #1 and #4 have uniform spikiness all over their shellacked skulls, the spikes on ol' Purple face stand out like the points on a crown--there's a huge hardened hair spike, then a canyon of grease, then the next spike and so on.
Imagine if the Statue of Liberty was in New Jersey instead of New York, shirtless and over-tanned instead of green and robed, and holding a trashy bleached blond chick instead of a torch and stone tablets--that's what I'm picturing here. Who needs a seven pointed crown when you can make one out of your hair and Elmer's glue?
So there you have it--I'm jumping on the Purple Lips bandwagon for the Spikiest Hair award. May there be more Douchies in his future.
I'm going with Supernova on this -- not because he is the douchiest (that would be purple lips, no question about that) but because of the atrocious dye job/hair styling. His hair reminds me of a halo -- a greasy, twisty halo.
# posted by : 4:40 PM
: 4:40 PM
Jesus, just when I thought I had gotten some of these horrible images out of my head. This category doesnt need much explaining, just a quick scroll down the page will suffice. I mean, my sweet lord, when it comes to douchebags you would pay money to kick in the area that used to be their nuts, how can anyone vote for anybody BUT purple lips. He is simply ridiculous. Where the fuck did he get these glasses?? That mist tan is horrible, not the spots where he accidentally got a little too much guido juice on himself. Ive already explained too much, bottom line, look at the fucking hair, if you can stop trying to figure out why his lips are purple.
my vote-purple lips
my vote-purple lips
# posted by : 9:21 PM
: 9:21 PM
While P-Lips is certainly revolting, the hair is merely a piece of the entire ensemble of Man-Naired, faux-tanned, steroidal flesh with a mildly bleethed hottie. The category is hair and I can't let P-Lips take my vote in this category because his hair is simply greased up to a gross of points. No, the hair that is most deserving is the green-shirted little scrote that bleached his tips to create a do that mocks the simple Pomade structures of other 'bags: Supernova.
# posted by : 6:57 AM
: 6:57 AM
While I appreciate the votes for Supernova (that little bag sure is trying), I absolutely HAVE to go with Purple Lips, as well. He is simply in another echelon of douche.
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# posted by : 5:03 PM
: 5:03 PM << Home
