Monday, December 18, 2006
HCwD of the Year: The 'Bag Smackdown
Well folks, here it is. Since I'm a hung over douchebag with crumbs on his shirt, I only managed to get all the way to a HCwD of the Month contest three of the eight months since I started this site, but in a way that kind of works out since it means we'll only have three finalists for this coveted and valuable honor.
Yup, it's that time. The Hot Chicks with Douchebags pic of the Year. It's your turn to pick the ultimate in douchebaggery/hottie combination. Douchebag nation turns its scrotey eyes to you... woo woo woo...
These three pics managed to beat the odds, to slay the Pats of the world, to defeat the Labor Day 'Bags to make it all the way to the top (bottom?) of the pile of greased up scrote. Actually there was a fourth HCwD of the Month when after hearing "You're beautiful, you're beautiful" one too many times on the radio I made James Blunt an automatic HCwD of the Month winner, an award well deserved. But since voting wasn't involved, I'm leaving BluntBag out of this contest.
Think. Contemplate the horror of each pic. The greasy douchitude. The sexy hottie. The combination that makes you want to slam your head in a 19th Century drilling press until block letters are stapled on your forehead.
But I've rambled enough. In the festive holiday spirit, let us tip our cups of egg nogg to the skeeziest of the scrotes and the sexiest of the hotties.
Three enter. Only one will exit with the crown. Which one will it be?
HCwD of the Month #1: Glinty
The very first winner of the HCwDotM contest and still a fan fave, Glinty's lazy eye and shiny belt buckle bling still annoy fans by the thousands. His perfect wispy gelled hair and his two utterly fantastic chickas almost render his chin pubes as a form of Shakesperean performance art. You can see those chin pubes performing at the Joseph Papp theater, "Hark! What douchebag through yonder window breaks! It is the East, and Glinty is a giant ball of scrote."
And the fantastic, enhanced dark haired beauties don't hurt neither.
HCwD of the Month #2: Socratic Douche
On the other spectrum from chin pubes reading Shakespeare is Socrates and his philosophic douchitude. He thinks, therefore he's douche.
S.D. is one of those Energizer Bunnies of scrote. Below the radar he just keeps going and going. Virtually ignored when he first appeared on the site, his shiny forehead continues to be an irresistable draw for his ascension up the douchebag ladder. Not to mention his sexy blond little hamantashens. Mmm, I'd dip them in strawberries and whipped cream and gargle them like windex.
HCwD of the Month #3: Dung Beetle
One of those pics who's douchitude/hotness factors caused some readers of the site to kill themselves, driving down readership badly. (note to self, try not to cause fans to kill themselves)
Dung Beetle burrows to the steaming stench of douchebaggery in all sorts of wrong ways. And featuring perhaps one of the most fantastic beauties this side of a Miss USA coke party, this pic elevates on a number of primary HCwD levels.
It really kind of sucks to have to pick one of these pics for ascension into the hallowed Hall o' Scrote as our first HCwDotY winner. Maybe we should just give all three a Douchie Award and call it a night.
But no, that would do a disservice to our role in the cosmic plan. So get off yer ass and put down that coffee. It's Monday morning, and you gotta pick one, and only one, pic to win.
None of this is easy folks. Believe you me, I feel your pain. All three make you want to down shots of cyinide laced apple cider. As always, enter your vote in the comments thread.
Yup, it's that time. The Hot Chicks with Douchebags pic of the Year. It's your turn to pick the ultimate in douchebaggery/hottie combination. Douchebag nation turns its scrotey eyes to you... woo woo woo...
These three pics managed to beat the odds, to slay the Pats of the world, to defeat the Labor Day 'Bags to make it all the way to the top (bottom?) of the pile of greased up scrote. Actually there was a fourth HCwD of the Month when after hearing "You're beautiful, you're beautiful" one too many times on the radio I made James Blunt an automatic HCwD of the Month winner, an award well deserved. But since voting wasn't involved, I'm leaving BluntBag out of this contest.
Think. Contemplate the horror of each pic. The greasy douchitude. The sexy hottie. The combination that makes you want to slam your head in a 19th Century drilling press until block letters are stapled on your forehead.
But I've rambled enough. In the festive holiday spirit, let us tip our cups of egg nogg to the skeeziest of the scrotes and the sexiest of the hotties.
Three enter. Only one will exit with the crown. Which one will it be?
HCwD of the Month #1: Glinty
The very first winner of the HCwDotM contest and still a fan fave, Glinty's lazy eye and shiny belt buckle bling still annoy fans by the thousands. His perfect wispy gelled hair and his two utterly fantastic chickas almost render his chin pubes as a form of Shakesperean performance art. You can see those chin pubes performing at the Joseph Papp theater, "Hark! What douchebag through yonder window breaks! It is the East, and Glinty is a giant ball of scrote."
And the fantastic, enhanced dark haired beauties don't hurt neither.
HCwD of the Month #2: Socratic Douche
On the other spectrum from chin pubes reading Shakespeare is Socrates and his philosophic douchitude. He thinks, therefore he's douche.
S.D. is one of those Energizer Bunnies of scrote. Below the radar he just keeps going and going. Virtually ignored when he first appeared on the site, his shiny forehead continues to be an irresistable draw for his ascension up the douchebag ladder. Not to mention his sexy blond little hamantashens. Mmm, I'd dip them in strawberries and whipped cream and gargle them like windex.
HCwD of the Month #3: Dung Beetle
One of those pics who's douchitude/hotness factors caused some readers of the site to kill themselves, driving down readership badly. (note to self, try not to cause fans to kill themselves)
Dung Beetle burrows to the steaming stench of douchebaggery in all sorts of wrong ways. And featuring perhaps one of the most fantastic beauties this side of a Miss USA coke party, this pic elevates on a number of primary HCwD levels.
It really kind of sucks to have to pick one of these pics for ascension into the hallowed Hall o' Scrote as our first HCwDotY winner. Maybe we should just give all three a Douchie Award and call it a night.
But no, that would do a disservice to our role in the cosmic plan. So get off yer ass and put down that coffee. It's Monday morning, and you gotta pick one, and only one, pic to win.
None of this is easy folks. Believe you me, I feel your pain. All three make you want to down shots of cyinide laced apple cider. As always, enter your vote in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 6:30 AM 
Comments:
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Socratic Douche has to take it - the tank top alone puts him head and shoulders (*snicker*) above the others.
# posted by 
: 5:01 AM
: 5:01 AM
Socrates Douche, hands down. He has all the requisite accessories, down to the superior sneer, which shows he has mastered the Way of the True Douche. And frankly, his natural hotties are much more enticing than the other contestants' plastic ho's.
Oh and do revise your Douchecartes: it's "I gel, therefore I'm douche". There clearly is no thinking involved.
Oh and do revise your Douchecartes: it's "I gel, therefore I'm douche". There clearly is no thinking involved.
# posted by : 6:28 AM
: 6:28 AM
I'm basing my vote on the fact that 2 of the 3 douches, I believe, have a chance for reform. They may not, but I think Glinty and Dung Beetle could possible realize the error of their ways. Or at least potentially be able to change their appearance & disguise their douchiness. Whereas, Socratic Douche is now, and will always be, one gigantic, fucktard douchebag! Picture these 3 as elderly, I can only envision Socratic Douche. I see him with a customized walker, cup holder with red plastic cup of some nasty drink, creeping around some club or beach trying to suck in the next generation of Bleeth-bo's. The other two? Not so much.
In any event ... my vote's for # 2 Socratic Douche.
In any event ... my vote's for # 2 Socratic Douche.
# posted by : 6:48 AM
: 6:48 AM
(Accidentally posted this in the post below this one)
My vote goes to Glinty, easy one to call. Dung Beetle looks like Gilbert Godfried and Adam Corolla's love child, but he hasn't put nearly as much effort into being annoying as Glinty there. So yeah, I've cast my lot...and I feel filthy for it!
-Iowa BagSlayer (Formerly Seattle BagSlayer)
My vote goes to Glinty, easy one to call. Dung Beetle looks like Gilbert Godfried and Adam Corolla's love child, but he hasn't put nearly as much effort into being annoying as Glinty there. So yeah, I've cast my lot...and I feel filthy for it!
-Iowa BagSlayer (Formerly Seattle BagSlayer)
Glinty has so much going for him: outrageous bling, electric tan, grease, cheesiest chin scrote, the Ginger and Mary Ann of modern hotness, a t-shirt that says "My Other Girlfriend is Jesus"(?), and the fact that this pic was taken during an early lunch hour.
Socratic Douche is the near epitome of Guidodom. He has an almost complete look of douchetude in its purest most putrid form. But he really hasn't aged enough. He's holding a water bottle and, while he has an oily sheen, he is far too clean-faced to take the title.
Dung Beetle looks like a friggin' parody of a imitation douche. Only naturally titted hottie gives him any shred of cred. He is not in the same league as the others. Stripes on stripes? Senior citizen shades and not an ounce of visible bling? He's probably wearing leopard skin speedos underneath this faux-douche clothing, but it ain't in the pic so it doesn't count.
So, because of the all around scrotatious look and the pure investment in looking as douchey as possible, my vote is for Glinty.
Socratic Douche is the near epitome of Guidodom. He has an almost complete look of douchetude in its purest most putrid form. But he really hasn't aged enough. He's holding a water bottle and, while he has an oily sheen, he is far too clean-faced to take the title.
Dung Beetle looks like a friggin' parody of a imitation douche. Only naturally titted hottie gives him any shred of cred. He is not in the same league as the others. Stripes on stripes? Senior citizen shades and not an ounce of visible bling? He's probably wearing leopard skin speedos underneath this faux-douche clothing, but it ain't in the pic so it doesn't count.
So, because of the all around scrotatious look and the pure investment in looking as douchey as possible, my vote is for Glinty.
# posted by : 7:10 AM
: 7:10 AM
dung beatle....based solely on his hottie. abs + belly ring = excitement in the happy place. plus he's a huge scrote.
carolina bag
carolina bag
# posted by : 7:25 AM
: 7:25 AM
Oh my fucking god, I was already feeling very weirdly aggressive today, and then the DB1 has to smack me around with this sampling of pure, unadulterated 'baggery. It's almost too much. Must. Not. Snap.
2nd Runner-Up: I have the feeling Dung Beetle would not even be in the running if not for the most incredible tits I am desperately eager to clutch. His 'baggery is without question, his hottie is plucked from the heavens, but he does not make me want to murder hoboes. He's too much of a clueless shithead to incite true rage.
1st Runner-Up: He narrowly defeated Pat and 'Bagsgiver. He is clearly a douche of ginormous proportions. He is a 40th Level Chaotic Evil Berserker Scrote. Socrates, even though I want to kick your ass in all sorts of ruthless ways, your hotties are just plain plain. As Arnold would say, "Get Your Ass to Mars." Stop polluting the Earth with your greasy chromosomes. You fucking suck.
Winner and still champeen: Gliny Blinglescrote, I want to douse your soul patch in turpentine then immolate your fucking oily head. I want to draw and quarter your nutsack with very powerful and slow moving tortoises. I want to put you in a blender, make a dirty douchetini, and throw you off the Statue of Liberty. There are so many thousands of ways that I can imagine killing you this morning. For that, and the combined strength of your über-delicious rays of sunshine, you completely deserve the title of Douchebag of the Year. Now get the fuck out of my sight.
2nd Runner-Up: I have the feeling Dung Beetle would not even be in the running if not for the most incredible tits I am desperately eager to clutch. His 'baggery is without question, his hottie is plucked from the heavens, but he does not make me want to murder hoboes. He's too much of a clueless shithead to incite true rage.
1st Runner-Up: He narrowly defeated Pat and 'Bagsgiver. He is clearly a douche of ginormous proportions. He is a 40th Level Chaotic Evil Berserker Scrote. Socrates, even though I want to kick your ass in all sorts of ruthless ways, your hotties are just plain plain. As Arnold would say, "Get Your Ass to Mars." Stop polluting the Earth with your greasy chromosomes. You fucking suck.
Winner and still champeen: Gliny Blinglescrote, I want to douse your soul patch in turpentine then immolate your fucking oily head. I want to draw and quarter your nutsack with very powerful and slow moving tortoises. I want to put you in a blender, make a dirty douchetini, and throw you off the Statue of Liberty. There are so many thousands of ways that I can imagine killing you this morning. For that, and the combined strength of your über-delicious rays of sunshine, you completely deserve the title of Douchebag of the Year. Now get the fuck out of my sight.
You wanna talk about a crime? How about the fact that Yeesh, Holy Grail, Labor Day 'Bag and Purple Lips aren't eligible for this honor? Even Classic Poo (aka Jon Bon Douchey), who couldn't win HCwDB of the week, is a better HCwDB combo than 2 out of the three choices here.
Yes, Glinty is the only one worthy of winning HCwDB of the year. The Beetle isn't even worth mentioning (though his chick is) and why Socratic Douche continues to pull in votes I'll never know. Both his hotties combined can't even touch Glinty's hottie in brown.
You wanna talk about bling? Glinty's got more, and they're bigger and shinier. You wanna talk anime hair? Glinty's is bigger and spikier. You wanna talk chin pubes?? Glinty: 1, Socrates: 0. And all the forehead grease in the world can't make up for the fact that Socrates' Jersey college blondies don't hold a candle to Glinty's model quality babes.
Look...like I've said before, Socrates is pretty ordinary. You can enter his territory by simply crossing over that bridge (or tunnel) into the most raw and basic form of douchedom. But Glinty exists in another, less tangible plane of doucheness, unreachable to the average scrote.
You unlock this door with the key of douchosity. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of hair gel, a dimension of bling, a dimension of mind blowing hotties. You're moving into a land of both injustice and atrocity, chinpubes and fake tans. You've just crossed over into... the Douchey Zone.
Anyway, #1, Glinty is HCwDB combo of the year.
Yes, Glinty is the only one worthy of winning HCwDB of the year. The Beetle isn't even worth mentioning (though his chick is) and why Socratic Douche continues to pull in votes I'll never know. Both his hotties combined can't even touch Glinty's hottie in brown.
You wanna talk about bling? Glinty's got more, and they're bigger and shinier. You wanna talk anime hair? Glinty's is bigger and spikier. You wanna talk chin pubes?? Glinty: 1, Socrates: 0. And all the forehead grease in the world can't make up for the fact that Socrates' Jersey college blondies don't hold a candle to Glinty's model quality babes.
Look...like I've said before, Socrates is pretty ordinary. You can enter his territory by simply crossing over that bridge (or tunnel) into the most raw and basic form of douchedom. But Glinty exists in another, less tangible plane of doucheness, unreachable to the average scrote.
You unlock this door with the key of douchosity. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of hair gel, a dimension of bling, a dimension of mind blowing hotties. You're moving into a land of both injustice and atrocity, chinpubes and fake tans. You've just crossed over into... the Douchey Zone.
Anyway, #1, Glinty is HCwDB combo of the year.
There is no way that Dung Beetle isn't a vampire. Does anybody have Blade's phone number?
# posted by : 8:05 AM
: 8:05 AM
Wow this is the toughest vote ever. To deny any one of these douches the crown would be nothing short of robbery. Socratic Douche is the biggest 'bag by far. But this site is not called "Douchebags". The Dung Beetle's hottie is the hottest by far. But this site is not called "Hot Chicks". This is "Hot Chicks with Douchebags". This is a site dedicated to douchebags and the women who love them. This is a site full of photographs that are designed to make you punch your monitor while at work, and then masturbate furiously when you get home. In no other pictures can you focus on a hottie, get a raging boner, and then become flacid with anger and self-pity by looking an inch to her side. If I had to choose just one of these three combos that so perfectly captures the rollercoaster of joy and pain that is at the very core of this site, it would have to be #1, Glinty. There isn't much more I can say about Glinty that hasn't already been said, so just do this: Look at the cleavite. Now look at his face. Look at the cleavite. Look at his face. Do you hear that? It's the sound of your hopes and dreams, shattering into tiny fragments and bouncing off her enhanced breasts and sexy abs. You will never have a chick like Glinty's.
Danny Bonnadouchey
Danny Bonnadouchey
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
#2 Socrates
Like anonymous said, Glinty & Dung in 5 yrs will reform and sell out to whatever the latest fashion trend is. Socrates meanwhile is, simply stated, a perma-douche and deserves recognition as such.
Like anonymous said, Glinty & Dung in 5 yrs will reform and sell out to whatever the latest fashion trend is. Socrates meanwhile is, simply stated, a perma-douche and deserves recognition as such.
Pat should be an alternate. An understudy, if you will, in case something should happen to one of the other 'bags.
Oh well, guess it's time to vote. While Socrates did beat out Pat, a seemingly impossible feat, I'm going to have to go with Glinty. This is the first time these eyes have witnessed his doucheosity, and they nearly melted. Now, he doesn't have the hottest chicks (Dung Beetle has BY FAR the hottest of hotties), but that face on Glinty just speaks volumes about is overall douche factor. That, and I think he has way more gel in his hair than these other two. The ammount of hair gel used is always in direct proportion with one's doucheyness.
I still think this is all bullshit, PAT is the biggest D.B. of the year, but I'll go along with this "democratic" process and reluctantly cast my vote for Glinty.
Oh well, guess it's time to vote. While Socrates did beat out Pat, a seemingly impossible feat, I'm going to have to go with Glinty. This is the first time these eyes have witnessed his doucheosity, and they nearly melted. Now, he doesn't have the hottest chicks (Dung Beetle has BY FAR the hottest of hotties), but that face on Glinty just speaks volumes about is overall douche factor. That, and I think he has way more gel in his hair than these other two. The ammount of hair gel used is always in direct proportion with one's doucheyness.
I still think this is all bullshit, PAT is the biggest D.B. of the year, but I'll go along with this "democratic" process and reluctantly cast my vote for Glinty.
I think socrates is clearly the biggest pie...but the pic that angers the blood the worst is dung beetle...this girl belongs in playboy...not arm in arm with dung.
vote-dung
vote-dung
# posted by : 8:49 AM
: 8:49 AM
Glinty has the hardware but not the attitude. His benign expression makes him seem like not all that bad of a guy, as if he were abandoned as a child and raised by a tribe of aboriginal douchebags. Socrates doesn't seem too cocky, either, though the grease does set him apart. He's just being a 'bag; he knows nothing else. But the sneering Dung Beetle has the crucial douchebag arrogance that raises him above the other two. He's wearing all black, has the stupid sunglasses indoors and a death grip on his hottie. He's mocking us in this photo, knowing we will likely never have the opportunity to give him the throat-punch he so richly deserves.
# posted by : 9:09 AM
: 9:09 AM
I, too will register some disappointment that certain others such as White Chocolate, Labor Day 'Bag, "The 'Bag Within" (or bizarre outliers such as FrankenBag and Chumbawumbag) could not be considered. On the other hand, I wouldn't have to be the one who pulls it together, so there's that.
This contest ... is difficult. Dung Beetle is clearly out. He is not even a reflection from Glinty's belt buckle or Socrates' forehead.
That leaves a choice. Glinty: polished. Refined. Crazed, staring eyes. Two beautiful dusky women. BlingBuckle, BlingBracelet, BlingJesus.
Socrates: Ah, Socrates. The Sheen. The 'Shades. The tank top. The peroxided blondes. The pants. Practiced, yet not refined.
I can't help but make this into an East Coast / West Coast or RichBag / PoorBag contest.
Whether or not he's from Jersey, Socrates represents its run-down suburb aesthetic; the club he is in is probably managed by immigrant Russian brothers who run an online porno business out of the back room. Socrates has probably done battle in a ring of jacked-up F150s and Dodge Dakotas, facing inwards with headlights on, whacked out on meth, beating in the face of some other Jersey bag to protect the favors of one or both of his low-rent hotties. Most likely Socrates is the assistant manager of a car audio specialty store. He drives an American car; maybe a mid-nineties Mustang with headlight covers et. al.
Glinty screams ... SoCal. The OC. Puking on the picture window of some crap-o art gallery in Laguna Beach. The club he's at probably was the scene of some Lohan-related panty scandal just last week. The owners are probably glossy former B-list stars who run a drug ring from the back rooms. Glinty and his buddies have probably ganged up on some hapless WannaBag who looked at his dark-n'-toned chickas the wrong way. Could be some crappy would-be junior exec or nascent internet advertising asshole. Drives a blue-gray beemer, perhaps.
So there it is, in my mind. They are both douche, but what is douche? Anon., above, is right in saying that Glinty will "reform" in the coming years, hitching his douche-wagon to the next godawful fashion trend. Socrates will be as he is. For the rest of his life. He's fuckin' scrapped his way up to his douchosity and will never change. In this way, he is almost more honest ... Glinty bought his douchosity off the shelf, along with his ladies.
A philosophical question. What is more douche? To be as one is, like a shiny mountain, Phidias' Zeus in silver track pants, an eternal Jersey guido douchebag? Or to change with the seasons, shedding the glinty belt buckle and fake tan like a diseased maple dropping its wormy rotting leaves only to blossom into a new and more horrible form the coming spring?
I believe the latter is more reprehensible. Vote Glinty, as I do.
This contest ... is difficult. Dung Beetle is clearly out. He is not even a reflection from Glinty's belt buckle or Socrates' forehead.
That leaves a choice. Glinty: polished. Refined. Crazed, staring eyes. Two beautiful dusky women. BlingBuckle, BlingBracelet, BlingJesus.
Socrates: Ah, Socrates. The Sheen. The 'Shades. The tank top. The peroxided blondes. The pants. Practiced, yet not refined.
I can't help but make this into an East Coast / West Coast or RichBag / PoorBag contest.
Whether or not he's from Jersey, Socrates represents its run-down suburb aesthetic; the club he is in is probably managed by immigrant Russian brothers who run an online porno business out of the back room. Socrates has probably done battle in a ring of jacked-up F150s and Dodge Dakotas, facing inwards with headlights on, whacked out on meth, beating in the face of some other Jersey bag to protect the favors of one or both of his low-rent hotties. Most likely Socrates is the assistant manager of a car audio specialty store. He drives an American car; maybe a mid-nineties Mustang with headlight covers et. al.
Glinty screams ... SoCal. The OC. Puking on the picture window of some crap-o art gallery in Laguna Beach. The club he's at probably was the scene of some Lohan-related panty scandal just last week. The owners are probably glossy former B-list stars who run a drug ring from the back rooms. Glinty and his buddies have probably ganged up on some hapless WannaBag who looked at his dark-n'-toned chickas the wrong way. Could be some crappy would-be junior exec or nascent internet advertising asshole. Drives a blue-gray beemer, perhaps.
So there it is, in my mind. They are both douche, but what is douche? Anon., above, is right in saying that Glinty will "reform" in the coming years, hitching his douche-wagon to the next godawful fashion trend. Socrates will be as he is. For the rest of his life. He's fuckin' scrapped his way up to his douchosity and will never change. In this way, he is almost more honest ... Glinty bought his douchosity off the shelf, along with his ladies.
A philosophical question. What is more douche? To be as one is, like a shiny mountain, Phidias' Zeus in silver track pants, an eternal Jersey guido douchebag? Or to change with the seasons, shedding the glinty belt buckle and fake tan like a diseased maple dropping its wormy rotting leaves only to blossom into a new and more horrible form the coming spring?
I believe the latter is more reprehensible. Vote Glinty, as I do.
# posted by : 9:42 AM
: 9:42 AM
based on the choice i have to go with glinty. that douche deserves a spot in the hallowed hall. now that being said i still have a soft spot in my heart for peter lorre/bugs bunny douche. and then there is yellowtail. my roommate played a horrible joke on me by saving that pic as my screensaver. seeing those spammy man tits magnified on my 19-inch monitor nearly had me racing to jump out the window. that guy deserves his own wing in the hall of scrote.
# posted by : 9:57 AM
: 9:57 AM
My vote goes to Dung Beetle. While I've always voted for Socrates, and he may be the bigger douche, Dunge Bettle's picture is simply perfect.
Glinty looks like a male porn star at a porn convention, Socrates is doing his daily douchy outings, but Dung Beetle scoffs at us. And the only good reason is the hottie he is with. His picture makes me yearn for a pic where this fine chica left him after taking all his money, or stayed with him and got fat while taking all his money.
To DB1. Please have a honorable mentions/wildcard vote off including: Big Red, Pat, White Chocolate, etc.
Glinty looks like a male porn star at a porn convention, Socrates is doing his daily douchy outings, but Dung Beetle scoffs at us. And the only good reason is the hottie he is with. His picture makes me yearn for a pic where this fine chica left him after taking all his money, or stayed with him and got fat while taking all his money.
To DB1. Please have a honorable mentions/wildcard vote off including: Big Red, Pat, White Chocolate, etc.
# posted by : 10:41 AM
: 10:41 AM
Dung Beetle in '06!
Socratic should have never edged past the 'Bagsgiver to even be in the competition.
Double 'Bagger
Socratic should have never edged past the 'Bagsgiver to even be in the competition.
Double 'Bagger
# posted by : 10:45 AM
: 10:45 AM
I am using a write in vote for Pat. These other three do not compare to a guy who is hanging out with a playboy model. Pat is a founding father of this site, and one day, you will all bow down and show some respect to the Michael Jordan of Douches....
As a female, I am aware of the hotness of the hotties but my gag reflexes start working overtime when I see these 'bags staring at me from my computer screen. The fact that others of my esteemed gender are allowing these doucheturds near them makes me throw up a little everytime I visit the site. Since I have a masochistic edge, I continue to romp in the garden of douchey delights but I always make sure to have a bucket by my side to catch my vomit.
Needless to say, all three douches here are very HCwDBofY worthy ... yet the one I would be most unwilling to let touch me is the Socratic Douche. Not only does he look like he just rolled out of a tanning booth and into a lard bath, he is wearing the classic douche tank top and bling. While not sporting the grillz of White Chocolate, I bet he's saving up his money from his full time job at Burger King to buy a pair. I would like to buy lighters for each of his blondes so that they may be able to burn the layer of skin off that touched him. Vote Socratic Douche!!!
Needless to say, all three douches here are very HCwDBofY worthy ... yet the one I would be most unwilling to let touch me is the Socratic Douche. Not only does he look like he just rolled out of a tanning booth and into a lard bath, he is wearing the classic douche tank top and bling. While not sporting the grillz of White Chocolate, I bet he's saving up his money from his full time job at Burger King to buy a pair. I would like to buy lighters for each of his blondes so that they may be able to burn the layer of skin off that touched him. Vote Socratic Douche!!!
# posted by : 11:37 AM
: 11:37 AM
what kind of strap shirt is socrates wearing anyway? Looks like he managed to turn an apron into a skin tight shirt-90 degree angles!! King among men. vote: socrates
# posted by : 11:55 AM
: 11:55 AM
Based on ugliness of douchebag, Dung Beetle wins in a landslide. There's no arguing that he is the ugliest DB to ever grace the site.
However, based on douchitude, Glinty is my obvious choice. The bling, both around his neck and on his belt, combined with the "witty" tee-shirt, the chin pubes, and the hottness of his chickas makes Glinty the easy choice. Socrates' babes aren't as hot and are showing much less skin (note the cleavite in Glinty's). Also, Socrates shouldn't even be in the running for the DB of the year.
Without a doubt, the douchiest is Glinty.
However, based on douchitude, Glinty is my obvious choice. The bling, both around his neck and on his belt, combined with the "witty" tee-shirt, the chin pubes, and the hottness of his chickas makes Glinty the easy choice. Socrates' babes aren't as hot and are showing much less skin (note the cleavite in Glinty's). Also, Socrates shouldn't even be in the running for the DB of the year.
Without a doubt, the douchiest is Glinty.
# posted by : 1:37 PM
: 1:37 PM
socratic hands down...extreme douche.
hair gel---check.
jesus bling--check.
forehead sheen--check.
index finger ring--check.
wife beater tshirt--check.
hair gel---check.
jesus bling--check.
forehead sheen--check.
index finger ring--check.
wife beater tshirt--check.
# posted by : 2:08 PM
: 2:08 PM
i think the question is..if we took the goddess from dung beetle and inserted her into any of the other 2 pics, then which king douche would we hate the most? (because clearly her hottness is blinding us all) I would have to say socrates...what a specimen.
# posted by : 2:30 PM
: 2:30 PM
Glinty is, pure and simple, everything that is wrong with this world. That spiky mop alone does it for me.
# posted by : 3:28 PM
: 3:28 PM
Alright, I'm getting involved. When Socrates took the title a few months ago, I voted for him because he posessed all the criteria to be crowned with a laurel of sausage-shaped turd. Again, when I voted for No Exit, I thought he deserved it over that old, saggy bitch for the same reason. In reading the comments, my thoughts have changed slightly. For one, Socrates is a canelloni-eating gumba. He's a substratum of douche, and as such is not as virile and dangerous to the general population of hotties as guys like No Exit, Dung Beatle and Glinty. These douchebags are normal guys who, like the victims in the movie The Stuff, have become something else through experience and social infection. They are therefore more tuned-into the operating frequencies of normalcy and so are far more punishing and capable than a pin-holed cultural abnormality like Socrates.
With that said, a choice needs to be made. Clearly, Dung Beatle's hottie is the finest HC to grace this site. He scores loads of points for that but in his visage, there isn't so much to fear. Not much bling, just confusion and dumb, crushingly-dumb luck. He looks like the kind of guy who listens to James Taylor when nobody's looking.
Glinty's presentation is as bad as a white NBA player. His style is thought-out and like those tall-ass jackboots the Nazis wore, his accessories scare the shit out of me. His ladies are great, but like that advice you got as a kid never to trade one great baseball card for two pretty good ones, aren't as hot as Dung's. Nonetheless, he is the douchebag of the year. Auld Lang Syne, Glinty. I never want to see you again.
With that said, a choice needs to be made. Clearly, Dung Beatle's hottie is the finest HC to grace this site. He scores loads of points for that but in his visage, there isn't so much to fear. Not much bling, just confusion and dumb, crushingly-dumb luck. He looks like the kind of guy who listens to James Taylor when nobody's looking.
Glinty's presentation is as bad as a white NBA player. His style is thought-out and like those tall-ass jackboots the Nazis wore, his accessories scare the shit out of me. His ladies are great, but like that advice you got as a kid never to trade one great baseball card for two pretty good ones, aren't as hot as Dung's. Nonetheless, he is the douchebag of the year. Auld Lang Syne, Glinty. I never want to see you again.
Wow, douche bag of the year, yet another time to look back and attempt to hold back the vomit trying to snake its way out of our stomaches like scrotes slither to LA looks hair gel. In all fairness, I feel that I cannot cast my vote for Dung Beetle unfortunately, I have been looking at this picture for quite some time and have come to the conclusion that he is simply a wax model, that we have all somehow been duked into believing that we are the only website dedicated to douchebaggery, but somewhere in that abyss we know as New Jersey exists a museum dedicated to such guidos and the like. I simply can not find an excuse for Dung to be wearing those Ray Charles glasses indoors, despite quite obviously being a scrote.
Ok, more eliminations, when you look at Socrates, you can just tell that he just got off his construction job, took a shower in hair gel, sprayed on a bottle of Old Spice, found the nearest shirt he could(which happened to be his sister's wife beater) and hit the club. I feel I have found his inner douche while considering an over looked thing...the water. Now we all know that the only people that are in clubs drinking water are the "clean-up crew", such amateur douches that they musnt get drunk so they can use those sunglasses for their intended reason indoors, to spot the drunkest chick in the club and pray to god that they mistake you for one of those Gotti kids. I feel he has come a long way, but can not give him the DBotY. I know we will be seing him in '07 though.
So then my vote must go to Glinty, it appears as though he has made quite a conscience choice to follow that greasy brick road left by the great Greico. His apprenticeship under such an amazing specimen of shit has been scrote-tastic. He's got it all, the soul patch of pubes, just the right amount of highlights in his hair-and only in the front of the mop, bling all around, forehead grease, coke whores, he is a real pro. And for this, I salute you Glinty, and seeing as this is a big occasion, I am going to spring for some Mickeys tonight in your honor. Have a douchy new year!
Ok, more eliminations, when you look at Socrates, you can just tell that he just got off his construction job, took a shower in hair gel, sprayed on a bottle of Old Spice, found the nearest shirt he could(which happened to be his sister's wife beater) and hit the club. I feel I have found his inner douche while considering an over looked thing...the water. Now we all know that the only people that are in clubs drinking water are the "clean-up crew", such amateur douches that they musnt get drunk so they can use those sunglasses for their intended reason indoors, to spot the drunkest chick in the club and pray to god that they mistake you for one of those Gotti kids. I feel he has come a long way, but can not give him the DBotY. I know we will be seing him in '07 though.
So then my vote must go to Glinty, it appears as though he has made quite a conscience choice to follow that greasy brick road left by the great Greico. His apprenticeship under such an amazing specimen of shit has been scrote-tastic. He's got it all, the soul patch of pubes, just the right amount of highlights in his hair-and only in the front of the mop, bling all around, forehead grease, coke whores, he is a real pro. And for this, I salute you Glinty, and seeing as this is a big occasion, I am going to spring for some Mickeys tonight in your honor. Have a douchy new year!
# posted by : 4:53 PM
: 4:53 PM
SORRY ALMOST LATE FOR THIS ROUND OF VOTING!
it's been a long journey here at HCwD.
first when we see Glinty i thought "OH FUCK HOW CAN ANYBODY GET ANY DOUCHIER THAN HIM?!"
but then i saw Socrates Douche, who matches or outperforms Glinty on just about every criterion. Jesus bling? matched. greasy hair? matched. dual hotties? matched (okay so Glinty's hotties seem more voluptuous but it could be the camera angle so the jury here at LCB HCwD Consulting is out on that one). glint? matched. glint... FROM SHEER GREASE? only Socrates. phony glasses? only Socrates. tank top for men? only Socrates.
whew. now, looking back, i must say if i was unfortunate enough to look right into Socrates Douche on my very first visit of HCwD i must've bursted multiple arteries. but i'm not sure if it's a good thing, now that i seem to have developed higher douche tolerance.
Dung Beetle over there remains a close competitor. mostly because of his hottie. but if i had to choose i'd be in a threesome with Socrates Douche's hottie instead. and besides Dung Beetle does not have Jesus bling or nearly as much grease as Socrates Douche. he still remains an honorable mention though.
by the way my presence on HCwD may be much more diluted throughout the Christmas / New Year season. hope you don't mind.
it's been a long journey here at HCwD.
first when we see Glinty i thought "OH FUCK HOW CAN ANYBODY GET ANY DOUCHIER THAN HIM?!"
but then i saw Socrates Douche, who matches or outperforms Glinty on just about every criterion. Jesus bling? matched. greasy hair? matched. dual hotties? matched (okay so Glinty's hotties seem more voluptuous but it could be the camera angle so the jury here at LCB HCwD Consulting is out on that one). glint? matched. glint... FROM SHEER GREASE? only Socrates. phony glasses? only Socrates. tank top for men? only Socrates.
whew. now, looking back, i must say if i was unfortunate enough to look right into Socrates Douche on my very first visit of HCwD i must've bursted multiple arteries. but i'm not sure if it's a good thing, now that i seem to have developed higher douche tolerance.
Dung Beetle over there remains a close competitor. mostly because of his hottie. but if i had to choose i'd be in a threesome with Socrates Douche's hottie instead. and besides Dung Beetle does not have Jesus bling or nearly as much grease as Socrates Douche. he still remains an honorable mention though.
by the way my presence on HCwD may be much more diluted throughout the Christmas / New Year season. hope you don't mind.
# posted by : 9:11 PM
: 9:11 PM
I read these comments and must applaud all my fellow bag hunters for their astute observations concerning the doucheiness/hotness of the 3 candidates. All are epic in their own way.
But in chosing a winner for HCwDotY, it all realy comes down to two simple things:
1) The Douchebag(s): is the scrote putrid enough, does the smirk vex you enough, that you wish to exterminate the Human Race - to smash the skulls and then burn the bodies of every man, woman, and child on Earth; so that evil such as this may never again contaminate the Universe?
2) The Hot Chick(s): does she give you a boner?
Based on these two basic criteria, I can only vote for Glinty.
Because that photo makes my want to exterminate the Human Race...with my boner.
But in chosing a winner for HCwDotY, it all realy comes down to two simple things:
1) The Douchebag(s): is the scrote putrid enough, does the smirk vex you enough, that you wish to exterminate the Human Race - to smash the skulls and then burn the bodies of every man, woman, and child on Earth; so that evil such as this may never again contaminate the Universe?
2) The Hot Chick(s): does she give you a boner?
Based on these two basic criteria, I can only vote for Glinty.
Because that photo makes my want to exterminate the Human Race...with my boner.
# posted by : 9:25 PM
: 9:25 PM
Ok, here we go, back to front:
#3 Dung Beetle... The rico suave shaved chest, and the posing with hand in pocket drew me to him again and again as the clear winner of scrotedom, and the massive natural funbags really give him plenty of extra pull
#2 socrates, has the minimal bling, and the spikey hair, however i think the thing that always pushed him over the top is the sheer volume of sweat, which imho simply means he's high as a kite. (explains the bottle of water too)
#1 Glinty has that vacant look in his eyes, the spikey-est hair, chin pubes of the worst kind, and MY GOD THE BLING!! He clearly put the most effort into douche-dom, he's the only one really striving to be the all the douche he can be. Just the mere fact that he walked into a store somewhere, saw that belt buckle and said "hey thats really hot man, im gonna buy that" merits victory, but he rock hard, "bouce a quarter off 'em, and get a dollar back" abs on enhanced bleeth on the left cinched it.
Glinty gets my vote.
#3 Dung Beetle... The rico suave shaved chest, and the posing with hand in pocket drew me to him again and again as the clear winner of scrotedom, and the massive natural funbags really give him plenty of extra pull
#2 socrates, has the minimal bling, and the spikey hair, however i think the thing that always pushed him over the top is the sheer volume of sweat, which imho simply means he's high as a kite. (explains the bottle of water too)
#1 Glinty has that vacant look in his eyes, the spikey-est hair, chin pubes of the worst kind, and MY GOD THE BLING!! He clearly put the most effort into douche-dom, he's the only one really striving to be the all the douche he can be. Just the mere fact that he walked into a store somewhere, saw that belt buckle and said "hey thats really hot man, im gonna buy that" merits victory, but he rock hard, "bouce a quarter off 'em, and get a dollar back" abs on enhanced bleeth on the left cinched it.
Glinty gets my vote.
# posted by : 9:39 PM
: 9:39 PM
Glinty-he doesn't even look remotely animated.More like he's been polyurethane-glazed.To me,that's a douche factor that needs to be considered.
Socrates-the hotties don't spark the juxtaposition of 2 different realities meeting.
Dung Beetle-there's the hotty,but,without the shades he'd recedes into gimpoid infinity.
Glinty for me.
I nominate White Chocolate and Pat for Best supporting douche
Socrates-the hotties don't spark the juxtaposition of 2 different realities meeting.
Dung Beetle-there's the hotty,but,without the shades he'd recedes into gimpoid infinity.
Glinty for me.
I nominate White Chocolate and Pat for Best supporting douche
# posted by : 12:27 AM
: 12:27 AM
no elaborate explanations for this one. Glinty and Dung Beetle are in their own respects masters of the douche arts, but Socrates is king. He has gone through way too much, surviving the likes of Pat and Bagsgiver in HCwDotm, which, in my honest opinion, was a bigger throw down than HCwDoty. Socrates defeated two icons of douchosity on this site to get where he is now, and it would be a complete and utter injustice to deny him his rightful throne. So heres to Socrates: In the land of the douche (New Jersey), there must be only one to rule them all.
my vote goes to #2, the socratic douche
my vote goes to #2, the socratic douche
Without going into a huge long drawn out explanation, my vote is for #3, the Dung Beetle. I just have a hard time getting past the hottie...and that still makes me wonder about the dung's amazing douchitude to be with such a hot-thing. It must be so great, that the other two just can't keep up, therefore he must get my vote.
That grill's just too much to take...it's gotta be the Dung Beetle, #3. Plus, the ample mammaries on that beauty have kept me in a permanent salute for the past 30 minutes.
# posted by : 7:32 AM
: 7:32 AM
This is hands down for me. I'm a traditionalist and I believe Glinty is what eptiomizes douche. The spikey hair, the grease used to form it. The greased forehead, the jesus bling, the shirt with the cheesey line, the bling belt that blinds us all, the pube fuzz, the list just goes on and on.
However, what takes him over the top are the ladies he holds as close to him as possible so they may get a whiff of his TAG bodyshots. I would wear a shiny belt too just so I may blind brunette on the left here and whisk her away from said douche so I may eat cereal off of her stomach of perfection!
Douchehunter
However, what takes him over the top are the ladies he holds as close to him as possible so they may get a whiff of his TAG bodyshots. I would wear a shiny belt too just so I may blind brunette on the left here and whisk her away from said douche so I may eat cereal off of her stomach of perfection!
Douchehunter
# posted by : 8:05 AM
: 8:05 AM
Wouldn't it have made sense to have all HCwD of the Months in the contest? Isn't that what the prize entitles? Have it in a March Madness format where you pair them off and winners move on to the next pairing ... until a Champion is crowned? Maybe next year. :)
# posted by : 8:08 AM
: 8:08 AM
Oops! I guess you only had 3 HCwD of the Months. My bad. My vote is for Socrates. No explaination other than being the most douche-irific of the 3 ... IMO.
# posted by : 8:38 AM
: 8:38 AM
For quite awhile I was undecided...all three of these douchebag hottie combination deserves to win. But then, being close to christmas, I started to think of the true meaning of douchitude and this is what I came up with (with apologies to Dr. Suess)
This year it should have been Glinty or Big Red or Labour Day Bag, but no,
so I stood puzzling, and puzzling, how could it be so
Douche comes without buckles, it comes without bling, it comes without sunglasses, gestures or any of these things.
I puzzled and puzzled til my puzzler did ring.
Then I thought of something I hadn't before.
Maybe douchitude I thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe douchitude perhaps means a little bit more.
And what happened then, well in these comments I will say
That my beleagured stomach threw up three times that day.
And then the true meaning of douchitude came through.
And then I found the strength of 10 douche hunters plus 2
And now that my stomach didn't quite feel so right.
I looked into Socrates face and was blinded by the light.
It can't be bought, it can't be faked, no not that sneer,
And that is why Socrates is the douche of the year. (the grease doesn't hurt though, nor the sunglasses, bright red skin and jesus bling).
Undouchided.
This year it should have been Glinty or Big Red or Labour Day Bag, but no,
so I stood puzzling, and puzzling, how could it be so
Douche comes without buckles, it comes without bling, it comes without sunglasses, gestures or any of these things.
I puzzled and puzzled til my puzzler did ring.
Then I thought of something I hadn't before.
Maybe douchitude I thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe douchitude perhaps means a little bit more.
And what happened then, well in these comments I will say
That my beleagured stomach threw up three times that day.
And then the true meaning of douchitude came through.
And then I found the strength of 10 douche hunters plus 2
And now that my stomach didn't quite feel so right.
I looked into Socrates face and was blinded by the light.
It can't be bought, it can't be faked, no not that sneer,
And that is why Socrates is the douche of the year. (the grease doesn't hurt though, nor the sunglasses, bright red skin and jesus bling).
Undouchided.
# posted by : 10:16 AM
: 10:16 AM
My vote goes to Glinty.
Reason #1: I'd do the chick on the left.
Reason #2: I'd do the chick on the right.
Reason #3: If I had to choose which douche contestant to punch in the face I'd pick all three but Glinty would be first.
Reason #1: I'd do the chick on the left.
Reason #2: I'd do the chick on the right.
Reason #3: If I had to choose which douche contestant to punch in the face I'd pick all three but Glinty would be first.
you have DEFinitely made a huge mistake in leaving Big Red out of the competition. Who else has brought us to laugh so very many times? Based on that picture with the green outfit/flaming hair alone, he should be declared the champ
# posted by : 1:13 PM
: 1:13 PM
It absoluetly HAS to be Glinty. I was about to start writing something about how I wanted to pick the Dung Beetle, but then revisted Glinty and this motherfucker makes me want to shove sharp objects into my retinas. The two chicks are arguably hotter than the other douches' chicks and the bling, hair, smirk, facial pube, stupid t-shirt combo are the reason my blood pressure rises when I see this picture.
As a side note: The act of tucking in only the very front of your t-shirt to show off the gay belt buckle is quite possibly one of the underratedly douchiest moves ever.
As a side note: The act of tucking in only the very front of your t-shirt to show off the gay belt buckle is quite possibly one of the underratedly douchiest moves ever.
# posted by : 5:00 PM
: 5:00 PM
Seriously, I echo the sentiments of the other eagle-eyed fan that recalled the utter douche-osity of Yeesh and Holy Grail. I thought Glinty was outgunned in that monthly douche-off, and now he gets up against these little punk pretenders. Bring back Holy Grail and Yeesh and we'll have a real competition.
# posted by : 5:55 PM
: 5:55 PM
Heaven forbid I could just forget about the street dog I ate a few hours ago in a fit of poverty and hunger. I should have known better, because after glimpsing Glinty or Winky or whatever the fuck his name is I got re-acquainted with it again, at least small portions of it clawing their way up my esophagus. Thanks for that.
Glinty is the man, hands down, if by man you mean something God might have let loose upon humanity as a way of showing us why we need to build a new Ark. I'd rather crap splintered firewood than think about him lying with that brunette on the left.
Ayway I wasn't around for most of these douchebags' debuts, so I'm going with my gut here. Which is sore from the dry heaves, by the way.
Glinty is the man, hands down, if by man you mean something God might have let loose upon humanity as a way of showing us why we need to build a new Ark. I'd rather crap splintered firewood than think about him lying with that brunette on the left.
Ayway I wasn't around for most of these douchebags' debuts, so I'm going with my gut here. Which is sore from the dry heaves, by the way.
# posted by : 6:52 PM
: 6:52 PM
Hmmm, all this douche and no Pat...
Glinty: Looks like a douchebag for sure and he's grabbing onto 2 luscious hotties, my god thats some nice racks, but... at least he is showing some decorum and not acting like a complete asshole in that picture like the next 2 'bags, so I'm tossing him out...
Socrates: This guy gets my vote, mainly because he has the Jersey'bag thing going on and I fuckin hate people from Jersey and I hate 'bags from Jersey even more. This guy just looks like a complete fucko, is posing like a complete fucko, and his hotties, while not as hot as Glinty's even exude complete fucko. And this guy also beat out Pat for HCwDotM and he can eat a flaming bag of hell for that...
Dung Beetle: After the Socrates rant I have nothing to really say about this guy other so what? This guy can't compete in any dept. with the other 2 assholes we got in this. Glinty has him beat on bling and facial 'baggery, and Socrates has him beat in everything else.
So my vote is definitely for Socrates, even though Pat's 'Bag of the Year in my book.
Don Juan de la Douche
Glinty: Looks like a douchebag for sure and he's grabbing onto 2 luscious hotties, my god thats some nice racks, but... at least he is showing some decorum and not acting like a complete asshole in that picture like the next 2 'bags, so I'm tossing him out...
Socrates: This guy gets my vote, mainly because he has the Jersey'bag thing going on and I fuckin hate people from Jersey and I hate 'bags from Jersey even more. This guy just looks like a complete fucko, is posing like a complete fucko, and his hotties, while not as hot as Glinty's even exude complete fucko. And this guy also beat out Pat for HCwDotM and he can eat a flaming bag of hell for that...
Dung Beetle: After the Socrates rant I have nothing to really say about this guy other so what? This guy can't compete in any dept. with the other 2 assholes we got in this. Glinty has him beat on bling and facial 'baggery, and Socrates has him beat in everything else.
So my vote is definitely for Socrates, even though Pat's 'Bag of the Year in my book.
Don Juan de la Douche
# posted by : 8:10 PM
: 8:10 PM
Well, I must be fair and admit I changed my name from Ducati to this one, therefore I can not vote again, but I feel it is necessary to point out how FUCKING HOT Glinty's hotties are, maybe its the Boone's Farm talkin, but holy shit. Socrates, although majorly douched out for the evening, upon further review is out with his ugly girlfriend and his mom (but only because he picked her up after her botox appointment). Dung Beetle's chick puts them in contention, but those two brunettes blow her away.
# posted by : 8:57 PM
: 8:57 PM
I vote dung beetle, simply for the fact that I plan on ripping his face off and using it as my douchebag halloween costume next year.
# posted by : 1:51 AM
: 1:51 AM
one must consider endless reasoning for this, the epic award of 2006. let us begin.
glinty: i believe the reason he is getting so many votes is because the quad blimps are in full display. but, we cant let this deter a true bag hunter. sure, he has greased jersey hair and two counts of bling, but other than that and a freshly tanned hide, what do we have? an asshole. that is correct.
dung beetle: once again, those blimps. mmm.. they are nice. but looking past that we have to take into account the lack of doucheness. sure he's a douche. we all know that. but why? because of the wooden teeth and flashy csi: miami indoor/outdoor shades? alright, so ill give you the fact that he, too, has greased hair, but dont they all? seems to me more like an awkward tool bag.
socrates: in order to properly evaluate this picture we must take into account the previous two and their douche levels. greasy burger face here has all of that, and a bag of greasy chips. that he rubbed on his face as he left the dance floor. the greased AND wet hair, the jesus bling, the "im a badass" custom wife beater - except that he's not (beast; he might be a wife beater), the bottled off brand water as if to say "i just danced the night away rubbing my scrote all of these hotties, so i need a free refresher", the shaved chest action, the scrote DBSupreme jackass grin on his face, the sensitive finger ring, and finally, the two scrote lovers.
socrates, my DB hunting mates, is the winner hands down. he's a douche, he puts off rays of douche, and his ladies are now, officially, douche.
-dbagsupreme
glinty: i believe the reason he is getting so many votes is because the quad blimps are in full display. but, we cant let this deter a true bag hunter. sure, he has greased jersey hair and two counts of bling, but other than that and a freshly tanned hide, what do we have? an asshole. that is correct.
dung beetle: once again, those blimps. mmm.. they are nice. but looking past that we have to take into account the lack of doucheness. sure he's a douche. we all know that. but why? because of the wooden teeth and flashy csi: miami indoor/outdoor shades? alright, so ill give you the fact that he, too, has greased hair, but dont they all? seems to me more like an awkward tool bag.
socrates: in order to properly evaluate this picture we must take into account the previous two and their douche levels. greasy burger face here has all of that, and a bag of greasy chips. that he rubbed on his face as he left the dance floor. the greased AND wet hair, the jesus bling, the "im a badass" custom wife beater - except that he's not (beast; he might be a wife beater), the bottled off brand water as if to say "i just danced the night away rubbing my scrote all of these hotties, so i need a free refresher", the shaved chest action, the scrote DBSupreme jackass grin on his face, the sensitive finger ring, and finally, the two scrote lovers.
socrates, my DB hunting mates, is the winner hands down. he's a douche, he puts off rays of douche, and his ladies are now, officially, douche.
-dbagsupreme
# posted by : 9:06 AM
: 9:06 AM
Great comments, again, from all. But, I think what a lot of my fellow baghunters are failing to account for, is a troubling unspoken criterion, that is, to what extent would we be willing to be the Douchebag Kid, and take the instruction of Mr. MiScroty and become the douche in order to get the opportunity to thrown down a line of cheeze whizz on those fabulous abs and breasts, and have a slip 'n' slide party. That's right. I'm saying that because Glinty's sandwich bread is so fine I would be willing to get a brazillian chin wax, buy a couple pounds of cubic zirconium, and clean out the drugstore's aisles of "extra stiff and scroty" gel. But, I'm not willing to jump in a tanning bed for a whole day to lobster myself up, and then show off my crispy red flesh in a baby doll, if all it's going to get me is the peroxide twins. And, while there's a certain appeal to the ease of slipping on a skintight shiny shirt and fauxdesigner glasses, I'm unwilling to be seen making such a ridiculous facial expression, or get the thousands of dollars of dental surgery to be the Beetle. But yah, I'd be glinty for a night, and even tuck in the front of my shirt just enough to blind the chicas with the glow of my utter douchuosity.
oh wow, my discomfort is unyielding for Socrates.
He is evil. Probably the biggest prick you'll ever meet. I can tell.
He is evil. Probably the biggest prick you'll ever meet. I can tell.
# posted by : 1:55 PM
: 1:55 PM
It's glinty fo' sho'. He's fucking pristine. A total douchebag pretty boy. And he's with some seriously hot women, with awesome tits, even if they are fake.
# posted by : 10:28 PM
: 10:28 PM
It is tough - when douches are so close to being the ultimate douche, you have to look to their eyes.
Glinty looks vapid, like he doesn't know whats going on. He is douche, but he is not sinister.
Socratic and Dung have eliminated this method of measuring doucheisity - they have covered their eyes. But whereas the HC with Dung looks genuinely happy, Socratic Douche's girls are clearly Bleething...he has infected them. He is clearly sleazing his douchey cheese all over them, and he is infectious. Also, it pisses me off the way you can kind of see his eyes. Its like he knows he is douche, but what are you going to do about it?
VOTE FOR HIM, THATS WHAT, I VOTE FOR SOCRATIC DOUCHE
Glinty looks vapid, like he doesn't know whats going on. He is douche, but he is not sinister.
Socratic and Dung have eliminated this method of measuring doucheisity - they have covered their eyes. But whereas the HC with Dung looks genuinely happy, Socratic Douche's girls are clearly Bleething...he has infected them. He is clearly sleazing his douchey cheese all over them, and he is infectious. Also, it pisses me off the way you can kind of see his eyes. Its like he knows he is douche, but what are you going to do about it?
VOTE FOR HIM, THATS WHAT, I VOTE FOR SOCRATIC DOUCHE
To save space, I will simply say that I concur with Danny Bonadouchey's comments above. Glinty's got my vote.
I do feel, however, that Dung Beetle's doucheyness has been underappreciated thus far into the contest. He's wearing what appears to be a black, striped pyjama set and a pair of women's sunglasses (I think they're Chanel, to match hers, which definitely are).
I do feel, however, that Dung Beetle's doucheyness has been underappreciated thus far into the contest. He's wearing what appears to be a black, striped pyjama set and a pair of women's sunglasses (I think they're Chanel, to match hers, which definitely are).
# posted by : 2:31 AM
: 2:31 AM
I think douchebag number 2 takes it hands down. He simply sets the standard by which douchitis is measured. If he does not win I will believe there to be a conspiracy.
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# posted by : 1:31 AM
: 1:31 AM << Home
