Thursday, December 14, 2006
The Holy Douche Spirit
Once, when I was about twelve, one of my best friends had the wind knocked out of him while we were playing kickball during recess. As he lay on the ground gasping for breath, we stood around unsure what to do.
Finally, he coughed up a bit of phlegm. Not a lot. Just a small wad. And then he was able to breathe better.
Why do I bring this up? Because in an amazing coincedence that rivals Moldy Toast Jesus and Tree Stump Mary, this Jersey Toad resembles the exact formation of that phlegm.
And in an even more unbelievable miracle, his visage has again been spotted, this time in a bowl of pea soup. Witness the miracle of the "Pea Soup Scrote" image here.
It is hard to believe, and were it just the phlegm on my 8th grade kick-ball field, I would chalk it up to coincedence. But two appearances in viscous materials is enough to convince me: This is the Holy Douche Spirit himself.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 1:34 PM 
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Holy Mother of Douchebag ! Mine eyes have seen the horror of the Coming of the Scrote...
No, but seriously ! Is this possible ? Please tell me there is Irony involved.
No, but seriously ! Is this possible ? Please tell me there is Irony involved.
# posted by 
: 2:20 PM
: 2:20 PM
We've reached the pinnacle of Mt Everest. There is no where to go but down on the douche scale from here. Hail the holy douche spirit has arrived.
# posted by : 2:44 PM
: 2:44 PM
Wife-beater? Check. Air Jordan baller sweatband? Check? Gold chain and medallion bling? Check. Ass chin? Check. Man tan? Check. Homage to quintessential Jersey douchedom hanging from the wall? Check. Ubiquitous Red Cup? Check. Hot chick? That's a big check. All douche systems are go. Houston, we have Douche-Off.
Now excuse me while I scoop out my ocular cavities with a melon baller.
Now excuse me while I scoop out my ocular cavities with a melon baller.
# posted by : 4:08 PM
: 4:08 PM
Wow. I mean....wow.
Definitely somewhat ironic costuming.
Peep the Gotti Hotti flier in the BG, pasted OVER the picture. Which, using my powers of deductive reasoning, means that this is said event. Can you IMAGINE all the douches that were at this party? What kind of rancid j-holes throw a party IN HONOR of the establishers of an entire phylum of 'baggery? Answer: Ur-Douches whom I want to stab in the kidneys.
Definitely somewhat ironic costuming.
Peep the Gotti Hotti flier in the BG, pasted OVER the picture. Which, using my powers of deductive reasoning, means that this is said event. Can you IMAGINE all the douches that were at this party? What kind of rancid j-holes throw a party IN HONOR of the establishers of an entire phylum of 'baggery? Answer: Ur-Douches whom I want to stab in the kidneys.
Perhaps the most perfect specimen (and by specimen I mean stool sample) of J-Baggery ever. Not JUST a wife beater, but a wife beater sporting moobs. The two day growth screams "I 'bag, you 'bag, we all 'bag for douchebag" 'tude. Adding the beads of sweat under the requisite Jordanband on his waxed forehead is just too much. I can't take it. And he's holding a smoking hot Abdulesque hottie, who seems to be saying "yeah, I roll with 'bags, but Vinnie here let's me ride shotgun in the Camaro, so it's all good. Besides, he's the #1 scrote in all of Bergen County." Or something. Man I want to punch this toad in the balls.
# posted by : 4:55 PM
: 4:55 PM
I watched the Gotti show and those kids were disasters but they were kids. This is a grown man.
This is one of those pics that is like a howitzer shot to the rectum. She is so fucking fine and he is filmier than two weeks worth of plaque. It's pathetic but if it meant soiling her, I guess I would adorn my head like Bjorn Borg. I would magnetize my hair and pay a pigeon to hover over my head with a piece of metal. I would tweek my nipples until they shot through my shirt. I would wear the medallion from Raiders of the Lost Ark around my neck. But I would never, ever, hang an atrocity like that on the walls of my home.
This is one of those pics that is like a howitzer shot to the rectum. She is so fucking fine and he is filmier than two weeks worth of plaque. It's pathetic but if it meant soiling her, I guess I would adorn my head like Bjorn Borg. I would magnetize my hair and pay a pigeon to hover over my head with a piece of metal. I would tweek my nipples until they shot through my shirt. I would wear the medallion from Raiders of the Lost Ark around my neck. But I would never, ever, hang an atrocity like that on the walls of my home.
To paraphrase the late, great Bill Hicks; this photo makes me pray for nuclear freakin holocaust in 10 freakin seconds.
# posted by : 6:46 AM
: 6:46 AM
That's it. After seen this picture I'm going to stop showering, shaving, or changing clothes and spend my days on the street yelling: "The douche is coming!" This picture defies everything. It would even beat out Socrates for pure douchedome. This guy has the chin, the bag look, and everything pointed out above to define bag. We need to put his picture in the dictionary next to bag, so that little indigenous babies who never learned english or saw civilization before would right away recognize what is douche.
# posted by : 7:12 AM
: 7:12 AM
This picture looks posed ... the douchiness is toooo much. Plus you can see the half-smirk in that gorilla's face.
# posted by : 8:32 AM
: 8:32 AM
If you look closley enuf you can see this guy has "hall 'o Scrote" written on his medal
-TMK
-TMK
# posted by : 12:22 PM
: 12:22 PM
Obviously staged but these two obviously won the contest. Irregardless, it doesn't excuse the pube face or the kid n' play hair. Nor does it excuse the fact he obviously works in a tanning salon and owns a clean wife beater. Those are true douche traits that one cannot stage.
He appears serious about this contest, for if there is one thing a douche can do, it's win a Gotti-Hotti extravaganza. God punish me, just end the pain.
Douchehunter
He appears serious about this contest, for if there is one thing a douche can do, it's win a Gotti-Hotti extravaganza. God punish me, just end the pain.
Douchehunter
# posted by : 12:29 PM
: 12:29 PM
Michael Jordan IS a legend in his own right, but isn't his name brand a bit passe now? hmm.
oh and i have no idea what that poster at the back says (what the hell is GOTTI HOTTI EXTRAVAGANZA?) but it looks about as disgusting as this scrote.
oh and i have no idea what that poster at the back says (what the hell is GOTTI HOTTI EXTRAVAGANZA?) but it looks about as disgusting as this scrote.
# posted by : 1:13 PM
: 1:13 PM
I bet his bling spins... what a douche. This douche doesn't look straight... well, thats the words on the street
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# posted by : 8:17 PM
: 8:17 PM << Home
