Sure there are the primo douchebags of utter douchosity we've celebrated here at HCwD. But then there are the regular everyday 'bags like last week's Whack a 'Bag. The average shmoes. They could be your coworker or your brother. They're once normal humans who gradually slip down the greasy scrote-road towards rank douchosity one spikey hair follicle at a time.

Case in point, this facial-pubed knob. From his annoying face to his spikey hair, the fact he's scored this princess can send even the best among us into fits of alcoholic drinking.

Or am I just looking for an excuse to drink?

Megods she's fantastic. I'd love her for at least a solid three minutes.

Here's a hottie in inverted Asian 'Bag Sushi Roll formation. These two skinny yellowtails need to be dunked in a giant vat of wasabe until their chopsticks fall off.

Hmm. Writing this entry is making me strangely hungry.

Blech. I haven't been this skeezed out since Arnold Schwarzenegger tickled a twelve year old Alyssa Milano in a swimming pool in "Commando."

Both cuties look like they're being tackled by a chimp. Look at this douchebag's hands. Are those even human? They're clutching at these two hotties like a shreiking rhesus monkey about to fling his poo.

I'm not sure what's going on with dark haired hottie's pirate look, but I'm willing to forgive her for offering up that grade-A rump for our persusal.

In analyzing which of these four utterly rank pics deserves the exalted HCwDotW honors, I like using the "anger" approach. Which of these four moments of douchitude, if you saw them unfolding live in front of you, would make you most want to jab icepicks into your eyeballs? Which unholy combination of pretty girl and skeezy douchebag would make you want to set fire to puppies?

Or use your own scale of douche-valuation. Is it purely the 'Bag? Or is it the level of hottie as well that affects your deductive process? How many extra points are scored for grease factor, loss of shirt and/or facial expression and 'Bag hand gesture?

The proper production of a truly superior Hot-Chick-with-Douchebag pic is like cooking a fine meal. One must have all the proper ingredients, but one must also prepare them in just the right order. Yes, there were douchier photos from the past couple of weeks, but just for grease and giggles, I thought we'd narrow it down to just the tonguebags.

So on that note, lets get to the scrotes.

HCwD #1: Whack a 'Bag

PIC DELETED

Average-Joe douchebags are the most intriguing because they're everyday non-factors who suddenly bust scrote just as the camera flashes. This lame yuppie knob thinks he's cool because he cornered a hottie and forced her to take a pic with him. For that he deserves our scorn. Not to mention a telephone pole shoved up his ass.













HCwD #2: 'Bag o' CHiPs




There's really not much to add about this pic since it went up last week. Other than it still makes me want to sucker punch a dwarf.

And I still can't tell where those ginormous mammaries make me excited or frightened.














HCwD #3: Lady in the Water (of Douche)


Nothing's more annoying than College-'Bags. It's bad enough they're getting such choice premium hotties, but when they rub it in the rest of our faces it just burns. This thick tonguebag with his douchey sidekick still rankles. And I've always had a thing for sultry hotties like this dark haired lovely.

Oh heck, who am kidding? I have thing for the entire spectrum of hotness. I'm an equal opportunity shtupper.


HCwD #4: The Mutant PoloBag



I almost feel bad for this puggy scrote. But then again, no.

From what little I can tell, this chicka is perfection, even if the hat suggests a moderate 'bag stage-1 Bleeth infection.




Special shout-out to The Warthog, who I promise will be making future appearances as a classic uber-'Bag. So what say you, people? Who deserves this week's honor?

Apologies if pop-ups began showing up on the site recently. I added a new banner company and apparently there was embedded pop-up douchebaggery going on that I didn't know about. I've pulled all the banners as I'm sick of their crap, so for now the site'll be ad free. Should run a lot quicker, too.

Douchebag ad-click companies are total ripoffs anyway. I'm looking at you, AdSense, you scrotey bitch.

Olay!

Well it's Saturday and since there's no hotties on the horizon for DB1 this weekend, instead I'll pass my time mocking a Eurobag.

Greasy EuroDouche definitely occupy their own special circle in Dante's Douchebag Inferno, somewhere between Popped Collar Izod FratBags and greased up Jesus Blinged WiggerBags.

This hottie has that Euro-sexiness where from certain angles she looks like a horse yet she still makes you want to douse yourself in melted Toblerone and gargle ricola just to touch the hem of her clogs. Not to mention the outstanding cleavite. Venice film festival winning standing ovation cleavite. I'd Spanish that Inquisition.

Hey, whaddaya want, Shecky Greene? It's Saturday.

Some have asked me, "DB1, what damage has this plague of douche unleashed upon us?"

And my answer is simple.

"Grasshopper, the damage is not hard to see. Merely gaze upon a gaggle of infected stage-4 Bleethed former hotties and behold the unholy power of the douche."

Here we see the devastation that this Typhoid Douchey has infliched on these four former cuties. Only pink bikini girl looks to have resisted the douche infection to some extent. The girls on either end are so overwhelmingly scrote they make me want to set fire to Miami. This is probably a good pic to end Friday with since my uncontrollable urge to hit this rank spew with a 2x4 requires alcoholic intervention.

Happy Friday, fellow 'bags. Another solid week of shining the light of truth on the unhealthy scrotes polluting the hotties of this world has come to a close. We are doing God's work, people. Remember that as you toast your Night Train tonite.

I can't tell whether BudBag is so ridiculously over-the-top ninnyliscious that he's douche, or if he's crossed over into some weird bizarro form of coolness. I'm leaning towards the NerdBag branch of the rapidly spreading 'bag tree.

He's the kind of scrote who shows up at the freshman kegger in full BudBag regalia only to get dunked in the ice-water backwash splooge at 2am by Chet and Biff.

Speaking of luscious abs, cutie on the right makes me want to take up belly dancing lessons. Both chickas look like BudBag's making them vaguely ill.

Thanks to greekbag for the pic.

Dy-no-myte!!

The only thing better than scoring a white chick while a sistah talks happily in the background is busting the 'Bag Hand Gesture #49, the sideways Dual Shocker. And once again we see douche-green make its presence felt.

This cheekboney minx could cause car accidents with her smile. I'd roll her up in a tortilla and dip her in salsa, then chisel Petrarchan sonnets in stone while licking her kneecaps.

Get ready, because next week's HCWDotW contest will be exclusively tonguebags, and this greasy skeezer will be one of the finalists. Look at this hairless CHiPs shiny chest wanabee. Dude, prancing around shirtless in a club with Eric Estrada sunglasses is not the way to snag a hottie.

Oh wait. Yes it is. Dammit.

(Yup, you know what that realization means... time to climb on board the 'train...)

I've really never been a fan of the giant fake pillows, and these are kinda scary. And yet, like Rosario in Clerks II at the donkey show, I can't look away. Although her abs are pretty fantastic. Mmm... soft abs. I'd rub Vicks VapoRub on them and allow them to clear my sinuses for an hour or two.

Making a nice 1-2 combo of utterly douche flip-hair with the last pic, here's Scrotey McPug offering up the innovative notion of combining his Jesus bling with his douchey shirt design. Gotta hand it to Scrotey.

Facial pubes just need to die a quick, painful death. I'm talking Sofia Coppola in Godfather III. Shotgun blast. I want to see Al Pacino bust some Stanislavsky level overacting over the death of facial pubes. Hoo-ah.

These healthy mammaries will someday keep a baby well fed. Were that baby to be me.

Look at ths glassy eyed muff-face here, with his retro-hipster shirt and spikey douche-hair. His Droopy Dog mug is Tex Avery cartoon douche.

I've always had a thing for that chick who played the foreign exchange student in "American Pie." That slightly cross-eyed and unconventional hotness that promises a really rocky 30s and 40s but looks oh so juicy in her 20s. Like this chicka. She makes me all sorts of happy.

Michael J. Fox 'Bag proves a little known fact: Pink "Killers" shirt, white sportscoat, stubble and the classic white double-ring belt, are...uhm... well, you know.

Chocolate hottie is good in all the right places. She makes me feel long for a HoHo.

I'm not really sure how to work eye makeup into the Douchebag Scoring System we're developing here at HCwD. Does a douchebag technically wear eyeshadow? Does that cross over into metro GayBag territory? Purple lips appeared to have lipstick and was undeniably douche, but does lipstick + rouge + eyeshadow cross over from 'bag to far murkier classification? Does makeup elevate 'bag to an uber-gay-scrote?

Yup. These are the thoughts that plague me.

That and how to score with the highschool seniors smoking cigs outside of Bennihana on a Friday night.

In my drunken stupor last night I realized that for some of you new readers, the terms we use on this site like "Bleeth" or "Cleavite" may not be fully clear. Since I've been too lazy to write up my long delayed Glossary of DoucheBagus Termus, let me know if I'm getting too obscure as we journey through the land of the bizarre attraction between hottie and utter scrote.

Also I added some new software so let me know if the site's lagging or if anyone's getting firewalled at work. My email, as always, is Douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com.
Or you can leave a comment in the comments section.

Or you can simply crack open a bottle of Night Train Express, America's favorite bum wine. Available at most Korean delis nationwide, Night Train Express is $1.99 of pure alcoholic bliss. Also available in Wild Irish Rose and Thunderbird flavors.

Night Train Express. Because the night isn't complete without the Train.

PIC DELETED

Here's another example of just how overwhelming the douche plague has become. Even those who don't look like a typical douchebag are suffering from the tell-tale signs.

A simple smile and this would be your typical suit wearing yuppie jerk trolling the stripclubs because he hates his wife. But busting Bag Hand Gesture #13 and tonguebag expression and douchebag status is confirmed. He is scrote.

I'm thinking of creating a carnival game like "Whack A Mole" only this guy keeps popping up. Winner gets a pink I-Zod shirt.

Welcome to the fat-bag... we got chubb and bling... we got everything that's scrote... we got scrub earrings... in the fat-bag... welcome to the fat-bag, watch him bring you to your kneeee-eee-ssss...

Damn, Axl Rose has hit hard times.

This petite little sunflower reminds me of those southern hotties with too much makeup and the sexy sun-dresses I always see in the Atlanta airport. Man I love the Atlanta airport.

Aw. Your profile is misleading, DB1. And to think I was going to have pity sex with you!

;)

Samantha

Now that is seriously cruel offering up the pity sex offer then rescinding it. C'mon Samantha, throw a 'bag a bone!

Okay it's true, I'm trolling Jersey while I dig for the more genius HCwD noxiousness that makes us all want to pick up a rifle and climb a tower.

Here's a little dash of the Garden State to help us all start our mornings with true zen 'baguousness. Think of this pic as a form of 'bag caffeine -- wakes you up but leaves you feeling jittery and slightly ill.

This pic is standard 'bag sandwich formation with sweat stain bonus. Toast your morning ho-ho to it's rank goodness. And let us all build a holy sacrifice to Ganesh to thank Him for the sleeveless-bra combo look on dark haired hottie here. I'd chew on that fleshy upper arm until jawlock rendered me punch-drunk and sterile.

It may be a costume party but AryanBag here is still utter wasp-douche. My question is what exactly is that dark stain under his eye supposed to be? Douchebag war paint?

The hair is particularly genius. I could grate onions on that spikey nest. Nerdboy in the back and standard dorm beer poster #42 round out the red-cuppiness vibe of the entire fiasco. Chicka looks underage, so I will only say I hope her parents come and get her soon, before Silk Fu here starts talking out a barka lounger with his "mad karate skillz."

Uhm.

It's hard to truly capture one's thoughts when in the presence of something like this. It is beyond words. Beyond description. It operates in a zone of pure primality. A place above conscious thought. A place of id-douche.

Do I comment on the Planet of the Apes 'Bag's bandana, hair, Jesus bling earings or silver shirt first? Or do I just kill myself?

This pic hurts me more than it hurts you. And I know it hurts you.

So lets all suck it up, feel for these two innocent hotties, and move on... stat...

Babagadouche has spoken. Babagadouche does not want to be on this site. And a community reels from the loss...

Ah well... there's more 'bags out there.

The tonguebag phenomenon remains a deeply troubling offshoot of the HCwD plague. A normal expression on his face and this douchebag on the left would only be a dude with a shmucky mug. But once he busts the tongue he crosses that magical ethereal line and becomes scrote.

I'm a big fan of this sultry young chicka of ambiguous ethnic origin and fleshy face. But seeing her in the classic 'bag sandwich formation just makes me itch.

Best email from a hottie ever:

i know this won't make your site since the chica is a 5, tops, but keep in mind this guy is a hardcore douche. i went to high school with him and he was a meathead jerk with way too much swagger considering his minsicule @#$@. i thought seeing him might make u smile at least, especially once i tell you that i took sweet, syrupy vengeance on this bagzilla after he dumped my best friend (she was at least an 8 -- can u believe that?) anyway, stumbling on these pics of my old pal ---- sure made me smile, and i hope you're doing the same. now if you'll excuse me, i got a gallon of jack with my name on it. i splurge on my booze; what can i say, i'm a bitch.
yours in christ,
- Hottie1

Dear Hottie1-
I think that chicka's way cuter than a "5." And any hottie who uses the words "bagzilla" and "gallon of jack" in the same email is my kinda honeyfly. Stay un-Bleethed and sexy, and may all your hookups be 'bag-free...
-DB1

(PIC DELETED)
Babagadouche isn't sure you fully understood the power of the Baba the first time around. Being an uber-douche like Babagadouche isn't easy. His 'bag hand gestures are like finely tuned instruments, able to express complex douche with merely the slightest flick of the wrist.

Balancing a hottie on his lap is child's play for Babagadouche. He laughs at your weak -ass wannabe 'baggery. He chuckles at your scrotey attempts to be like Baba.

(PIC DELETED)
Meet Babagadouche.

Babagadouche knows how to rock it old-school style in his aqua-blue boxers and matching shirt.

Babagadouche owns a pair of knicker styled pants. Babagadouche keeps them on his bed. But when Babagadouche wants to rock, pants are not needed. Just sneakers.

Babagadouche has a girlfriend. Someday, he hopes to kiss her. But in the meantime, Babagadouche rocks it like only Babagadouche can.

Do not stand in the way of Babagadouche. He will rock you until you can rock no more. So if you see Babagadouche, get out of Babagadouche's way. For Babagadouche has no time for non-rocking pants-wearing non-aqua-blue-boxered people.

He is Babagadouche. Love him. Live him. Know him.

Confirming once and for all that there is a God, and that God loves boobies, the hottie from Chubawumbag makes a welcomed return appearance here at HCwD. Here she is being molested by a skeezy Asian dude with semi-popped collar and a barren wheat harvest growing from his head.

This girl is Jenny Agutter in "Logan's Run" hot. Or for those of you who don't know the hotness that was Jenny in that film, think the nurse in "American Werewolf in London."

And that, my friends, is source-Cleavite. That which all Cleavite aspires to be.

Remember kids, as we do our walkabout through a life filled with the cruelty and injustice of the HCwD combo, we'll always have a place to come and mock. Send your best pics of hotties and the rank scuzzbuckets headbutting them to me at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Cuz I'm way too sloth to go find these pics all by myself.

And next time you're in the mall and see a lime-green polo shirt, set it on fire. No really. What judge in the world would convinct you for that?

Ah yes, senior year. A time in life when young men and women celebrate the end of their high school years by signing each other's yearbooks, promising to keep in touch all summer, and attending the senior prom.

And what better way to seperate man from scrote than the prom?

Think of it as a defining split on the pathway of life. Some become normal human beings. Other dress as rank piles of steaming spew.

What's nice about these two is that when not attending the prom they're dressed in perfect military camoflage for hand to hand combat.

A reader snapped this pic recently as an example of all that is unholy and rank on campus these days. There's a mutant strain of 'bag out there. The apparent merging of the Polo 'bag virus with the tonguebag to form a mutant douchitude previously unseen. Like a douchebag version of the Bird Flu, hotties everywhere are as panicked as this young chicka that this mutant 'bag virus could spread across campuses nationwide like the Flannel Grunge plague of 1992.

A sweaty polo wearing tonguebag polluting an innocent fawn with his 'bagginess. It's almost enough to make a grown man weep. Or drink. And what's with all the lime-green clothing showing up these days? Is scrote-green the new douchebag-pink?

I get knocked down... but I get up again... because I'm total and complete douchebag...

How much does this pic burn? Scrotey McMohawk here just eminates the 'bag radiation in so many wrong ways. His mug screams for a fish-slap. He also appears to have "Happy Hannukah" tattooed on his neck.

This forlorn looking doe just begs to be rescued from her douchebag prison. She's out there, right now, being polluted with stinky 'bag virus. But does the DB1 do anything about it? Nah. I'll just sit here on my dirty rug, play my x-box 360 and have another bowl of Trix. Maybe tomorrow, doe, I'll come to your rescue. Maybe tomorrow.

From the depths of the deepest, darkest douchetude, out crawls this palmy muscle scrote. His mission: to infect peroxided beauties from Trenton to Newark. Like a plague of little Griecos, these armies of the 'bag stalk their prey at night, spreading their grease-seed across beauties far and near. Or at least to Jersey City.

His stubbly chin says "I am rank." His meaty arms scream, "I am douche."

Armani Exchange + Jesus Bling + Forehead Grease = Monday Morning Spew. But hey, at least you're awake now.

A day later and a wicked hangover still haven't diminished the uber-hotness of Pouty Lips in yesterday's pic. I would flay the carcasses of a thousand platupi just to spit in her general direction. Man alive, those lips are just perfection.

Anyway here's a classic tonguebag chaser to keep us cool on this hot-ass weekend. This spikey haired nudgenick needs to be dropped off a building into a vat of toxic waste so he can become... The Douchebag Avenger!!

How sweet is raven locks here? Snow white pure and tasty as a pancake.

This painful abomination is a nice pic to go out on a Friday with. When you're out and about in the clubs tonite, remember to toast your glass to Greeney McAsswipe here, a 'bag 'baguousness enough to pollute this gorgeous perfect-lipped vision to a Bleeth-four terminal infection.

And the lips? I would jump on a trampoline covered in vaseline just to taste the drool off one of those pouty pink pillows.

What did you do to her? For shame, Greeney. For shame.

Merry Christmas!!

This classic 'bag busts Jesus bling, greasy forehead and douchey facial expression with equal aplomb. I pray to Xenu that these two are his daughters, and judging by the classic 'bag hand-fear where he's afraid to touch them, they are.

The chickas could use a sammich or two, but otherwise, yes please.

Any lasting doubts about whether gaybags can be douchebags should be adequately quashed by this mindblowingly painful pic.

The pink neck-scarf is sheer and utter mindbending twilight zone scrote.

This boozy dark haired chicka looks like the perfect "last call" target. The one you position yourself next to right around 1:30 for the moment she realizes her friends already left and she doesn't have a ride.

But how to accomplish that when facing the dual gaybag blockade? I have no answer for how to break through this wall of gaydouche.

I went back and forth on whether the Donger here is true 'bag or not. The facial hair says yes. But I kinda dig the jacket and hat. The necklace screams douchebag, but the shirt's not too scrotey.

And then I saw the belt.

Douchebag Rule #86: if you wear a big white belt with dual metal holes, you is douchebag.

Douchebag Rule #86 can not be questioned. Douchebag Rule #86 can not be overturned on appeal.

And the fact he's pulling his hottie in for a classic 'bag headbutt seals the deal. He is 'bag.

She is just all sorts of long necked goodness. I get the strange feeling she's made a past appearance on the site somewhere. Or maybe the Night Train is kicking in.

This pic is "back to basics" here at HCwD. Like blue-jeans. Or getting drunk and banging an ex-girlfriend you never really liked all that much. Every so often we gotta go back to the well and see the source-douche and classic uber-hottie comingling in all their unholy glory in perfect pictoral example.

Tell me that's not an engagement ring on this glowing ball of perfection. Or, more likely, it's Hot Chick Defense Mechanism #06, the fake wedding ring to keep the other douchebags from hitting on her and making PrimeBag feel insecure.

Although if I looked like blue-scrote here, I'd feel insecure 24/7. Yes, DodgerBag, it's true. You're. Going. To. Lose. Her.

(PIC DELETED)
We need a special circle in douchebag hell for the scrote who shows his hottie a good time by plying her with Tostitos while wearing a Lucho Libre mask.

If I spoke Spanish I'd use many descriptive words for this chunk of wine guzzling spew. But since I don't, I'll just call him a "douchebag" and call it a day.

This chip chewing minx is just one big ball of hot. That silver belt-buckle thing makes my knees weak.

Ever wonder what happened to your 5th grade science teacher, Mr. Johnson? Here he is, trollin' for the hotties.

Admit it, you always knew Mr. Johnson had a thing for younger women. Like when he would pay special attention to Suzie after class. Well here's your proof. You go with your bad self, Mr. Johnson!!

That shirt is genius.

Intrepid 'Bag Hunter T Bag sent his posse out into the greater Houston area and came back with this rank, nipple exposing tatbag and his cutie girlfriend who finds him just high-larious.

I can't tell which makes me more furious, the fact he thought a tat this douchey would look good surrounding his nipple, the fact he's exposing that tat in public, or his folded cuffs.

This blondies teeth are very, very white.

Had dinner with my ex the other night. Here she is looking slightly befuddled as I make 'Bag Hand Gesture #12 for her while taking the pic.

Always remember kids, even The DB1 occasionally gets a HC. Even if she dumps his ass, only to go out to dinner with him a few months later to tell him about her new beau and his sexy greased hair and tats. Stupid hot chicks.

Her new boyfriend is uber-douchebag. If I get my hands on a pic, I'll prove it.

I'm pleased to see the cast of the Albequerque Hills Dinner Theater production of Rent is out and about having a good time.

Scrote on the left looks like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Rosario Dawson Hottie makes me happy to be a man. And then... that thing. Two tiered shirt combo. It hurts.

Dear God, it hurts.

Ever wonder what a douchebag looks like naked?

No. Me neither.

But we're hear to suffer the slings and arrows of society's madness. And so we must look. For the love of God man, look!! Behold!!

It is scrote.

I may be getting some crap for letting the "D" part of the equation outweigh the "HC" part. But I enjoy this plump chicken very much. And nothing says "party" like 1 liter glasses filled with Tang.

C'mon kids, sing along!

It's a douche of hair gel,
a douche of grease,
a douche of neckglasses,
and a douche of more grease.

A douche with earrings,
and a douche with bling,
A douche who needs a beating,
With a shovel and a punch to the face...

It's a small 'Bag after all...
It's a small 'Bag after all...
It's a small 'Bag after all..
It's a small 'Bag after all...

No other way to describe these two slobs than "crabs." And I don't mean the kind you find at the beach. I'm talking the kind that require a special shampoo and tiny comb to get rid of.

Dig these Mutant 'Bag Gestures that are off the scale. If you poked three holes in their back we could bowl their saggy asses down a lane.

And dude, tats up you arm aren't going to make you any cooler. You are FatBag. There is no recovery from FatBag.

It was a tight vote this week, but Purple Lips pulls it out. As ten degree hat puts it:

Even though the hottie with No. 3 is amazingly pretty and I can't look at No. 2 without bursting into laughter (or are they tears), the only true DB is the greezy, purple-lipped manscaped turd, No. 4. In spite of the not-so-hottie with him, he is the clear winner.

I liked the thinking displayed in the comments section, some good intellectual debates on the power of the hottie/scrote combo are beginning to emerge. Not just about what defines the douchebag, but how the douchebag and hot chick intersect to form differing levels of spiritual violation.

'bag o' bones posits that we should vote from our gut by which image impacts us the most if we were to see it in real life. Thus, purple lips here might make us laugh, but Pocahontas with the Sewage Sausage would make us wince in agony. Or as douchezilla calls it, "The Anger Factor." I think this plays a key role in our deductive process.

mickey o'douche is beginning to sort by category, noting that our four choices break down along genre lines: guido-'roids douche, oldie douche, missing link douche, skeezie douche.

Mullet 'Bag represnts that painful and creepy douchebag who haunts most places we go to. That middle aged skeeze who's pushy enough that he occasionally convinces hotties to hang out with him, but generally just creeps everyone out. Cro Bagnon is just a magnificent everything. But I can see how he's more of a one-off, a freak of nature. Not really indicitive of the larger HCwD plague infecting our world.

I'm also glad we got to give Pocahontas some more love. But there really is no topping this purple lipped monstrosity. Props to Purple Lips for taking the Grease-Cake.

Ya know, drunkdouchebag and Art of the Douche are right, that douchebag in that last pic is a full-on douchebag. I can't believe I didn't notice the popped collar.

And as DD observes, anyone who wears those letters/numbers-in-random-combos things deserves our utter collective scorn.

He's not overwhelmingly scrotey, although the 10 degree 'bag hat tilt and chinny grin don't help his case. But she is fantastic. I loves me the dark hair on one side. It's so early 80s Til Tuesday "Voices Carry."

And that sweet smile of hers could kill puppies! (Wait, killing puppies is bad. I need another example.) That sweet smile of hers could make DB1 want to rub up and down on his sofa-chair arm! (Well, it ain't Faulkner. But whaddaya want for a drunk unemployed 'bag sitting on his rug?)

Note the mysterious hand pulling her away from the semi-'bag. He knows what's up.

Anyone who's a fan of the greatest video game in videogame history, Mike Tyson's Punchout!, knows exactly who "Glass Joe" is.

And he's this scrote right here.

Uppercut!...

Right!...

Left!...

Uppercut!...

Uppercut!...

And he's a douchebag!!!...

Well we're way overdue for one of these things and we've had many worthy candidates the past few weeks. Special shoutout to Gramps who's fast becoming a folk hero around these parts. Narrowing the HCwD explosion of unholy muckitude down to four pics wasn't easy (I'm saving Polo Boy for his own special category) but here goes:

Douchebag #1: Mullet 'Bag



What else can I say about this skeezy sourpuss? The only thing going for him is he kinda looks like my favorite comic, the late great Bill Hicks. Other than that, I want to shove lit matchsticks under his fingernails while forcing him to read Kathie Lee Gifford's "Reflections and Meditations of God's Gentle Grace" (a real book). The uber-hotness of this angel elevates the pic for HCwD of the week considerations.










Douchebag #2: Old No. 7, aka Cro Bagnon



Holy crap. I forgot about this dude. Maybe because the image of this guy waiting outside my front door to snap like a twig is not one I need to carry with me.

He is just unreal. To whomever sent in this pic, I owe you a bottle of the 'Train.

But the hottie, while very sexy, isn't up to the level of the hottie in candidate #1.

Hmm.

How does that affect the HCwD crescendo? What different vectors are involved for the unholy intersection of hottie with 'baguousness? These are metaphysical questions best left to scholars more erudite than I.



Douchebag #3: The Sewage Sausage



I had to include this tampon if for no other reason than my sinful lack of inclusion of his hottie in our HC contest. A shameful moment of neglect for which I am due much penance.

Megods she's beyond sexy. And he makes me itch.

Behold!

The pain of the HC with D in all its noxious glory.






Douchebag #4: Purple Lips



Sure he's... well, essence du douche. But she's not remotely as hot as the other hotties here. So what to do? Does his greasyness overwhelm? Or is the perfect zen balance of the ultimate HCwD formula thrown too off-kilter to ascend into douchebag nirvana?

You be the judge.

What say you, people?

HCwD of the week contest tomorrow! Now the DB1 passes out in a drunken stupor.

T Bag writes in with a great suggestion:

Hey DB1,

Hope the Night Train is treating you well. Getting ready to hit the bottle myself real soon. I captured this gem at a hot new sushi place in Houston last night. Have fun with this one...

By the way, my friends and I were talking and have a suggestion. We think you should consider adding a new section to the site detailing with how to capture a picture of a HCwD. You could call it “Capture a Bag” or something of the sort. The premise involves how to take a picture of a complete bag with uber hotties when you don’t know them. For instance, I did not know this bag, or unfortunately, the hotties either. However, after a brief quip about how I work for a Houston based magazine and wanted to get a picture for my article chronicling hotspots about town, they were more than willing to oblige. You get the idea... Just a thought.

Once again, really appreciate all your work and all the levity you bring me during the week.

All the best,

T Bag

So any intrepid 'bags out there wanna take a crack at snapping their own pics of a HCwD combo? Send it in with your summary of how the pic happened and you'll win... well,... a hearty handshake? Hey, I'm on a budget, what can I say.

d to the douche sends in this hilarious music video featuring this creepy facial haired scrote busting out the uber-douche. Dig it:



Yeesh?

Yeesh.

I feel dirty. And not dirrty dirty. Just dirty.

I know what a lot of you were thinking. "Come on, DB1! That Sneery McGrease was not a douchebag! He was a regular guy! Cool as ice! Nothing remotely scrotey about him."

I know, it was tough to tell. The signs were subtle and hidden.

Well in case you were still on the fence about Sneery, here's another pic to help sway you. Busting 'Bag Hand Gesture #06, Sneery finds himself in the rare and hallowed Tri-Hottie Inverted Sandwich formation.

As to the ladies on either end, I don't know what those arm things are, but they make the DB1 feel sweaty and feverish. But that could be the meds.

In the game of life, this greasy chinny douchebag wins.

Does it make you mad? Want to rip out your computer and throw it against the wall? Want to defecate in his forehead grease-gel?

You're not alone.

Okay, I'm officially pissed again.

This sleeveless scrote with the painted on eyebrows does not deserve this peroxided cutie on his arm. He deserves a weekend in federal pound-me-in-the-pooper prison.

His facial hair is made up of tiny douchebag robots that cling to his face. Depending on the level of 'baggery, they move around and form new patterns. The current pattern is called "The Vertical Scrote." It's Nano-techdouchology. The latest in cutting edge scrote hair.

As to hers, they may be fake, but I dance to their majesty.

Tell me this creepy, cape wearing tonguebag doesn't look a bit like that guy on that show "House"?

That's really the only reason I ran this pic. That and I wanna knock stubble tongue here off this plump little cutie with a brick.

Hope your weekend is rockin', hottie filled and 'bag-free. If anyone finds any pics out there as priceless as, say, Polo Boy, send it along to me at my email address, DB1. And if you find yourself in a pic and are upset, email me as well and I'll take it down (although I haven't had a takedown request in weeks). Or just drop a line to say hi. If you're a hottie and would like the pleasures of a backrub from DB1, send a pic as well.

I've got some great pics in the pipeline for next week. But since it's the weekend, I drink. Actually I drink during the week as well. Some might say I have a drinking problem. I'd say I have a "drinking solution."

As we head into the weekend, I gotta post this pic one more time.

It's just... fantastic.

I'm still speechless.

Your assignment over the weekend is to meditate on all that is douchey in our world these days. The beginnings of douche. The viruses that allow douche to flourish and spread. What is it in our world that can create a raging scrote like the herpes sore in this pic? Where have we gone wrong as a culture? What penance are we being forced to perform? What dark paths are our souls traversing that leads us to allow these sorts of monstrosities to exist, let alone attract hotties?

Is the douche some form of plague, set upon us by an angry God? Locusts and frogs weren't enough, and so God sent the douches to infect and invade our populace to teach us that we've strayed from the path of righteousness. Could that be it?

Meditate on this perplexing dilemma. And perhaps we will find HCwD enlightment as we journey onward. Ever onward.

I can't rag on Gramps too badly because when I'm 106 years old I wanna be out cuddling with a squeezeball this juicy. But what's up with the ears? (Must... resist... obvious... Star Trek reference...) He's a Vulcan 'bag! (dammit... too much Night Train has taken its toll...)

Seriously though, ya gotta give it up to Oldie here. Gramps is busting the sexy 70s shirt and even has a stylin' necklace that says "I may be old, but I can still awkwardly put my arm around the waist of a hottie and only touch her with the tips of my fingers."

The Cleavite represents all that is holy and righteous in the universe. It is source-Cleavite. That which all other Cleavite aspires to be.

And then there are mornings when I wake up in a good mood, see a pic like this, and want to start pounding nails through a board with my forehead.

This uber-douche needs his eyebrows shaved and his baseball cap set on fire. If there is any justice in the world. Chicka has that MILF thing working, which is good by me. Heck, I'd take a GrandMILF these days.

I can't tell if the douchebag in the back has a cigar in his mouth or if he's spitting up his cud. Either way, I wanna toss both of these knobs into the octogon and let 'em fight it out, UFC style.

The DB1 is having a nice, relaxin' Thursday. Had a fantastic Thai massage rub at my favorite place in Hollywood (no tug, the DB1 is way too cheap). Now I'm kickin' back with my alchy and watchin' the Sox/Oakland game on ESPN. Which reminded me of The Canseco 'Bag.

Canseco 'Bag is the template for all that is douchey in pro sports. Essentially the sports version of The Piscopo, this greasy former mullet-head deserves his own special section in the celeb HCwD Hall of Shame. I'm not sure who this hottie is, but there's no doubt she headed for the hills as soon as the pic was over.

So toast your Night Train to Canseco 'Bag. This future star of Guidos Gone Wild makes me feel oily just looking at him.

Well the votes are tallied and the results are in. Congrats to "Beauty and the 'Bag."

I had a feeling this lovely model type would win. I think she caused a few suicides when she first appeared on the site back in May.

2nd and 3rd place were extremely close votes, with second place getting mentioned on 21 ballots and third place on 20. However if I weight them according to which position they were listed, 2nd place scored "47" and 3rd place scored "38" so maybe it wasn't as close.

I agree that "Pocahontas" deserves some love and probably should've been on the list. We'll give her an honory award. Especially given the scrotiness of that sewage sausage she was with.



Coming in 2nd Place was another fan fave from a few months back, "Rock On!!" which originally ran in late April:



Hard to argue against perfection. This gorgeous honey has it all. Beautiful face, smile and body. And a rank hair-scrote to her right.