That girl smiling on the right is just superb. She makes me think that all is good in the world. The girl on the left is also fantastic. The douche sandwiches in the middle? Not so much.

Signs of douchitude in these two douche-padawans are subtle, but they are there. Note how the drink is held. Douche. The face. Uber-douche. And of course the coral necklace.

Speaking of mini-scrotes, little Timmy himself made an appearance in the comments section of his pic, showing that 11 year old mini-douches have a sense of humor. Which definitely scores him points. And that's good, because it means he scored something that night.

When one reaches a certain level of zen-douchitude, it's apparently possible to grow hottie heads out of one's shoulder.

How much do I hate this oily middle aged wank? It's not just the 'Bag Elvis Hand Gesture #36, the blond hilights or the fact the douche is wearing a flower belly shirt, a belly shirt, fer chrissakes.

Okay, yes, it is just all of that.

That angelic dark haired beaut makes the DB1 feel like, well, drinking. Okay, so does a root canal, or a scoop of ice-cream, or a good book. I got a drinking problem. I know that.

But what I don't know is how beauties like these two find themselves allowing wankers to fondle their bellies while the DB1 sips his 'train solo. It just ain't fair.

10 Degree Hat boy's collar popped so far off his Polo that it's disappeared. Blondie is just wispy haired fantastic.

If Judd Nelson and Dieter from the old SNL "Sprockets" sketch had a douched out love child, it would be this snotball right here. Nice ass chin, scrote.

Morning boobies are always booberific if you like boobies like I like boobies. They may be douche infected hotties, but I'd love them. Repeatedly. For up to three minutes if I think about baseball.

Somebody let Little Timmy into the club and now he's running wild. Go, Timmy, go!

Hmm, there's a consensus that last pic is "adult entertainment" related, which it definitely didn't strike me as, seeing as how the four of them are so bizarrely placed. I'll leave it up on the site, even though it may not really jibe with our 'bag hunting.

Anyway, it's that time for my lazy-ass plea to the readers.

If you've got a pic of a classic scrote posing with a hottie, send it along to me at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Please make sure the pic is big enough to post (at least 600 pixels wide) and also a small file size if possible. Some of you are clogging up my in-box with 3.2 meg pics of your best friend, who doesn't look remotely douchey, posing with his girlfriend, who isn't remotely hot. This site ain't called "Mediocre Chicks with Generics." The total scumbuckets are out there posing with hotties as we speak. Lets collectively mock the holy bling right out of them. Send me your best stuff.

Also I'm gonna be adding message boards to the site shortly so we can keep discussions of our favoite 'bags and the hotties who love them going. If anyone can recommend a good free (or very cheap) message board site that even a half-drunk douchebag like myself can figure out how to HTML, email me the info and I'll buy you a bottle of Night Train.

I can't even begin to comprehend what's going on in this pic. Jesus 'Bag seems to have convinced two fairly normal looking women to pose with him while his nuts are sans constraint. In addition, he's convinced a cutie to go nude as well. And not just any cutie. A cutie so hot I wanna shove gummi-bears up my nose until I pee glucose.

And what's with the poker table? Was this a game of strip poker gone Dali-level surreal? Jesus Scrote doesn't even appear to know he's naked. Not to mention he's displaying Unholy Scrotite, the polar opposite of the Holy Cleavite. Ugh.

So what's the story behind this pic? My head is going to explode trying to decipher the absurdities of this moment in time. Yegods.

When did the 'bags suddenly decide that rubbing their own man-boobs was a sexy thing to do? This is like the fifth pic I've seen where some fratdouche is feeling himself up while two hotties sit nearby completely ignored.

And hotties they are. Oh yes. Two twin bills of scrumptuous oven baked goodness. Two stalks of ripening cornhusks in the morning air. If ripening cornhusks had perky boobies and legs I'd chew on for a three day weekend, that is.

I'd set this self fondling mantat on fire and push him down a flight of stairs. Then I would jump up and down on these two enchilladas like a poodle on speed.

And then there are mornings like this morning, when I roll out of bed, make up a nice bowl of Count Chocula with a hearty glass of Sunny D to wash it down, turn on my computer, and see this pic of uber-douche tonguebag with his exotic hottie sidekick. And it is only then that I realize Nietzsche was correct when he said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Douchebags are scrotes."

And then I wash away that existentialist realization with alcohol. It works nicely.

Exotic Hottie is all sorts of Persian goodness. I'd roll her in a taco and dip her in guacamole.

For those complaining that we're not featuring enough true scrote on the site, it's time to melt your eyes off with this utterly stanky picture of douchitude.

Feel the douche overwhelm you. Perceive the spikey hair. The neon jacket. The face of nutsackitude.

See the hottie. Realize she's with this penis pencil. And bow to the all consuming power of the unholy HCwD pic's ability to summon all that is wrong in the universe.

Fear not loyal readers, the true uber scrotenuts will always find a home here at HCwD where we can mock their spikey hair and gelled forehead, while ranting away at the hotness they've managed to procure.

For those newbies who don't know what "Cleavite" is, it's the patch of skin a woman displays in her cleavage that is lighter in tone, as less sun has tanned it. That pale area, as demonstrated by this juicy sex pumpkin, is the Holy Cleavite. Bow to it. For it is all powerful. And all knowing.

Okay people, time to chime in with your thoughts. I don't know that Creepy McEyebrow here is technically a 'bag, but anyone with a haircut this utterly butchered, deserves at least an honorable mention here at HCwD.

So have at it, fellow 'bags. Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

Do furry caterpillar eyebrows qualify as douche? What about Flowbee haircut? Garage sale Hawaiian shirt?

What about the simultaneous 'Bag Head Butt and throat choke move he's performing on his chicka?

I'm waffling on whether to include him as a true 'bag or not. Then again, I'm waffling over whether I need to wash my bed's sheets since it's been over three months. And they're starting to move on their own. I keep meaning to, but I'm a busy guy staring at the stains on my rug and chugging the 'train. What can I say? Making fun of hotties and the scrotes who love them takes a lot out of a 'bag.

Scrote, I realize it sucks turning 40 and realizing you're never going to have sex with a cutie again. I realize the pain of middle age and the mediocrity your life has become means you furiously spank it to repeat episodes of MTV's "The Hills." But that does not excuse making the Shocker gesture at your age.

No it doesn't.

In fact, in your mediocre saggy presence, The Shocker is more like a faint electric zap. Like from a dying AA battery. A twinge. A buzz. A last gasp at youth and relevancy.

That's all you can summon, Scrotey McOld? Pack it in.

FratDouche writes in to share with us this smelly pile of camel poo who's apparently been polluting up the hotties for a number of years on his MySpace page. Here he is overwhelming this luscious legged but a bit too skinny little blond pixie-stick with his rank smelliness.

Poor girl. She doesn't know what hit her.

This thinning haired party boy o' douche will be making recurring appearances here at HCwD. Lets call this grinning hyena FratDouche, in honor of the reader who found him.

Peace out, FratDouche. Peace out.

Today's Edition of HCwD is brought to you by Axe Body Spray.

For that utterly douche smell that says, "I can't get laid, so I'll purchase a product that claims it'll help me get laid."

Because nothing quite says "I'm an utter scrote" like spraying on something that smells like a musky high school locker room in the vague belief that it'll somehow turn women into hungry sex crazed lunatics.

Not since the Spanish Fly purchasing run of the late 1980s has one product so fully encapsulated the douchebag mindset.

Axe.

When popping a collar and greating a forehead isn't enough to say "douche."

I sorta feel bad for this hottie getting called a "douche," but so it goes when she dates a scrote.

Reader Pix writes in all the way from Australia to send us this pic of his "mate" who's rapidly descending down the path to pure Grieco.

Sure the signs might not be as overt. Looking at this wanky golden haired nancy boy, one might just assume he lost his audition for the new all Australian musical revue, Who Can it Be Now? It's Men at Work! But looking closer one sees classic douche infection signs.

The hand behind the head. The douchey arm gesture. The feathered Simon Le Bon 1985 post-"Reflex" haircut. The infected chickas on either side. The mysterious orange silk necklace, which may or may not contain backstage passes to see "Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts."

The douche plague is spreading, people, let there be no doubt. Even as far away as Australia is suffering the douche signs. Who will step up? Who will be this generation's Jonas Salk and manage to cure the douche virus before it infects us all, pops our collars and makes us all wear Jesus bling?

Thanks to the always excellent work of intrepid 'bag hunter, Douchestar Runner, here we find the third appearance on the site for Champaigne Superdouchebag, who also appeared as Michael J. Fox 'Bag.

Proving that scrotes can find many ways to prove their rank douchitude, C.S.D. busts out the 80s pink jacket, the greased brow, the stubble, the rings, and, of course, the face 'o turd.

This cutie isn't super hot, and the lab coat suggests deep douche-viral infection, but I'd still lick her chin like a postage stamp while slide stepping to the muzak version of "Mambo Number Five."

Getting back to a classic 'bag at HCwD, here's a Pussface McScrote busting the usual 'bag hand gesture while tackling a very sexy, and very young looking, chicka.

I'm gonna pray she's over 18 or else my brain is going to thought-crime jail for violating that hotness in thirty-three flavors (with all due respect to ice-cream...mmm... ice cream).

We don't need a vote on this, I'm officially appointing James Blunt as Douchebag of the Month. Merely for the fact that no matter where I go I gotta listen to this squirrel-nuts voiced dandy falsetto-sing "You're beautiful, you're beautiful!" over and over again like some sackless eunuch poet from Madhya Pradesh.

Dude, we get it. Fake emo music scores the chicks. Now please die.

I'm coining a new term -- BluntBag. the BluntBag is the emo rocker faux-poet douchebag who all the guys know is the biggest a-hole misogynist around but continues to fool the hotties into thinking he's "deep."

Listen up, BluntBag. The only thing that's "deep" is the pounding you deserve in Federal Douchebag Prison where likeminded scrotes can help you get in touch with your "soft" side by seeing how many frets on a guitar it takes to tickle the upper part of your colon.

You can tell by the way they move their walks, they're total douchebags, no time to talk.

(I may have used that joke before on the site, but I'm still hungover)

It's friday nite, and the DB1 is off to drink with friends. May all you hotties stay 'bag-free this weekend, and may all you guys resist the temptations of the 10 Degree Hat.

Thanks to all for some great emails and submits this week, apologies if I didn't write back. Hope the Vegas pics were entertaining, and we'll crank it up with some more douchey goodness next week. I'll try to post over the weekend too, some fantastically skanky new pics just came in.

May you all crack open a bottle of the 'Train and ride off into the sunset tonite...

The line forms behind me to suckerpunch this scrote in the face. Take your whacks, people.

One at a time.

Step right up...

Proving that once the Grieco virus takes hold there's no turning back, here's this cute little Fortune Cookie from the previous pic once again seeking out a shirtless Guido 'Bag, this one featuring perhaps the most complex Jesus Bling this side of early 80s vintage Mr.T.

Oversized glasses give away Hottie #2's long descent into douche-madness and greasy shirtless boy here appears to be attempting to match the expression on the giant mask behind him. Weird. Perhaps they're at an ancient Mayan Douche Temple where this scrote is revered as a God or something.

Either way these two bean sprouts make me want to drink saki and watch some Takashi Miike flicks until I pass out.

Whew. That Hard Rock recap leaves me feeling limp and slightly queasy. So to cheer us up I thought we'd take a look at a sexy little Asian fortune cookie and her shirtless guido 'bag.

Hmm. Not really cheering me up.

The Guido 'Bag is a recent accessory. Somewhat like a Gucci Bag, hotties carry the Guido 'Bag on their arms to proudly proclaim their taste in douche. Not the recent inverted 10 Degree Hat move, or what some refer to as the 80 Degree Hat. A new level of douchitude for all to behold.

Even though Chocolate Luv here
is sporting a similar white-black clothing combo to her shocked out bleached boy toy, for some reason I'm far more forgiving of her than I am him. Maybe because her knee-highs boots are fantastic. Maybe because any hottie who shows some cleavite scores major points.

However this albino tool's ripped sleeved, black tie wearing combo sends searing shockwaves through my synapses. That's four "s" words for those counting at home.

Here's a fifth: Scrote.

Welcome back for part 2 of my adventures in Douche Mecca, or, as the law might call it, Date Rapes in Training. To paraphrase the great Woody Allen by way of Groucho Marx, "Douchebags smell like poo." Or something like that.


I entered the Garden of Gel carefully, stepping over discarded Izod shirts and Polo collars. I quickly discovered that besides spinning "If I were a Rich Girl" and "Since You've Been Gone" on endless loops, the D.J. also occasionally took to the mic to encourage the guys to "splash" and the chickas to "flash."

And if there's anything we've learned in this crazy, crazy world, it's that young hotties will do anything if you command them to do it.

Except sleep with me. Or talk to me. Stupid hotties.

While only a few of the chickas actually took to the command, you can see one of them quickly trying to cover up again in the pic above. Note King 'Bag in the red trucks surveying his fiefdom.


Here's another healthy mammaried young lass trying to escape the splashing. She glances back at the spontaneous forming of a "Circle o' Douche" behind her -- five or six guys more interested in splashing each other than in noting the bouncing goodness behind them.




And then there was this fur-'bag and his douche-hatted companion.


I appreciated this creature more when he was bleeding goats down in South America.

Blondie's Nicole Ritchie thing doesn't do it for me, but I'd still rub crisco on those abs and cook up some bacon.




Here's another wide shot of Douche Mecca in all its glory:


I was an especially big fan of Rainbow Trunks Bag stumbling around at water's edge like a trained seal.

I almost threw him a fish.

Dig that blond goodness in the lower left.




And then there was Los Lonely WhiteMan.


I felt sorta bad for this shrively chested loner. Two hotties gyrating directly behind him, and yet he sat motionless in Douche Mecca, unmoved yet unbowed.

Los Lonely WhiteMan knows all.

Perhaps he is a douche philosopher like me. Reflecting and ruminating on all that is scrote.

But regardless, that sunburn's gonna hurt like a bitch.

Check out this angelic hottie moving among the crowd.


She was fantastic. And, like many of today's cuties, she knew it. And she knew you knew it. And she knew you knew she knew it.

But she didn't know you knew she knew you knew she knew it.

So you have that on her.

In fact, I don't think she stopped circling the grotto. She was like a 'Bag Pied Piper, leading the scrotes to drown in the river.

I especially appreciated that her bouncer friend sports the now more frequently recurring 'bag Jesus Bling/Tat combo. That's just genius on so many levels o' douchitude, one hardly knows whether to sacrifice a 10 Degree Hat on the Altar of Grieco for thanks or not.

More classic HCwD combos dotted the edge of the inner part of the grotto pool near the bar:


Ratty capped ninny here may bust a watch the size of Miami, but he's also cuddling a sultry dark haired mama who's tan body was so perfect it actually caused a spontaneous orange bandana to grow out of the dude's backside.

Gebus she's good. If you do nothing else productive today, the mere cognition of the perfection of this hottie's love mounds are effort enough to secure the advancement of collective higher consciousness.


Over by the south side of the pool, things were quieter.


HCwD combos like this cute as a button hatted hottie, her Rob Schneider looking purple towel wearing friend, and her greasy/hairy beer guzzling scrote accessory popped up like douche fungal growth along a river bank.

Or perhaps douche flowers along the edge of the Nile.

Note the color of the water. I believe they refer to that as "DNA Saturated Gray."

Here's another outgrowth:


Nothing's more charming than a hairy behemoth rubbing his own nipples while sipping a 32 ounce shooter.

Did I go in the water? With scrotes like this letting their nutsacks soak like they were ice fishing with two saggy teabags? I'd rather gargle with Paris Hilton's blood test down at the local STD clinic.

And then... amidst all the doucheyness and Grieco virus, I found one hottie who not only smiled when I aimed my camera in her direction, but posed for me repeatedly until I snapped this pic of perfection:


I love you, Anonymous Hottie, wherever you are. Even as beer guzzling, belly scratching toe funguses circle you, you remain a vision of perfection and loveliness that makes the DB1 feel like writing love poetry in Sanskrit and burying it for a thousand years just to confuse archeologists. You are just plain gorgeous, sweet and friendly. Stay away from the 'bag plague, A.H. They're swarming. Always swarming.

If anyone knows this piece of candy-corn sweetness, tell her the DB1 would leave his wife and kids for her. Of course I'm not married and don't have any kids. But I would go out, get married, and have three kids just so I could divorce my wife and leave them all for this pixie stick of love.

And there you have it. My Adventures in Douchedom. Scary. Enlightening. And hopefully entertaining.

Now back to reader submits. If you have a pic of a HCwD combo you think I'd enjoy, send it in to douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

Okay, now I really gotta get a coffee. That Night Train hangover's a mean she-bitch.

A little known rule of douchebaggery is that there's no clearer path to scrote than when the white guy tries to look "pimp." This wigga clown needs to be sodomized with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon until he screams for his Axe body spray.

Yeah yeah, I know, another costume party pic, but look at that face. That greasy-ass wannabe Elvis face with the chin pubes, and you tell me he isn't ass. This guy could wear glasses and a business suit, be an expect on Quantum Mechanics, he could quote Shakespeare and I'd still want to set his eyebrows on fire and jab him with toothpicks until his inner Jesus Bling bled through his eyeballs.

If Johnny Depp and Chris Robinson mated with a pile of lobster poo, the result would be this rocker scrote. Enjoy his douchey face for all its shiny goodness. For it is testes-face.

Note Dog Tag Bling and the whitest chest this side of Cocoon: The Return.

Hard to tell how hot his sexed up companion is, but one thing's clear: Her douche infection is beyond repair.

The DB1 is still unpacking and washing the stench of Hard Rock douchitude off, but tomorrow's pics from the party should be enough to fire up the HCwD head spinning revoltitude we love so dearly.

Your humble narrator on this dark journey up the douche river that we've taken together, DB1, is finally back from his travels into the heart of doucheness. Vegas. The Hard Rock Casino.

Sunday's exclusive Rehabber's Club party.

Think MTV's spring break on douchebag steroids. Or Dante's 5th Circle of douchebag hell. Or, if you're an art fan, think a Jackson Pollock canvas if he used hotties and douchebags instead of paint.

But before we get to Douche Mecca, lets recap my adventures that got me there.

After a brief stopover at the Hilton to check out the Star Trek convention (even I'm not cruel enough to call those dorks douchebags), I ran into this guy:


Uhm.. Yeah.












After watching Klingons grew tiresome and seeing Young Spock from Star Treck 3 now in his mid 40s and losing his hair, I quickly redirected my energy towards the day's goal: The Sunday afternoon Rehabber's Party at the Hard Rock Casino. One of the hardest tickets to get into in Vegas.

Pulling up at the Hard Rock, it wasn't hard to see why:


Sexed out hotties in skimpy clothes were all over the casino. And, as is the case, the douched up scrotes were circling like bees.

Check out sideburns boy here, busting the Macy Gray hat. His tanned up little minx even caught the eye of the free agent 'bags waiting in line to check it.

The Hard Rock was everything I'd hoped -- a swirling cesspool of douchitude and hotness that made my head spin.

After hitting the blackjack tables and downing a few Coronas (the Hard Rock casino is a blast) , I made my way over to the Rehabber's Party line, which was overflowing with all the uber-'baggitude I'd hoped it would be:


This was the front of the line, but it went all the way down the hallway and into the casino. Hotties and 'bags were standing around by the hundreds, toasting each other with cans of Miller Lite and the occasional eloquent and artful cry of a "Woo!"

I asked the guys at the front of the line how long they'd been waiting to get in. "Three and a half hours, bro! Awww Yeah!" as they busted 'Bag Hand Gestures #42, #23, and #19A. Unfortunately my camera wasn't quick enough to capture such douchitude.

No one who wasn't staying at the hotel could get in without waiting three hours and paying the 30 dollar cover-fee. Not even the wanna-be rappers in the pic above (by the door).

All were blocked. By this scrote, manning the door:


Seriously.

This popped collar spikey haired bouncer 'bag was so beyond regular douche, so beyond uber-douche, his force of scrote actually spontaneously created a new element on the periodic tables -- Douche-Nine.

Douche-Nine took his job seriously. Extremely seriously. Choosing who could and could not gain entrance to the Rehabber's Party is perhaps the most important job in the entire universe.

There was one rule and one rule only for getting into the Rehabber's Club: Have an uber-hottie with you to balance your douchiness.


In other words, to get in, you needed to be a HCwD combo. But as long-time readers of the site know, this makes perfect sense, as the HCwD combo encompases all meaning, philosophy, nuance, existential pain, intellectual journey and spiritual onslaught that we each face on a daily basis.

Like bald Twisted Sister 'Bag here with his nervous designer bag carrying hottie. Each on their own is nothing special. But by coming together their HCwD Powers just might, might, be enough to convince Douche-Nine to let them gain entrance to Douche Mecca.

Proving that the power of the HCwD combo is more than even solo hot chicks, check this pic out (click on it for more detail if it's too dark. And by "detail," I mean to see the boobs more clearly).


Solo cupcakes like this one on the right were wandering the hallways, hardly believing they couldn't immediately gain entrance to Douche Mecca. Scrotes would attempt to talk to them with clever enjoinders like "Yo!" and "Whatsup girl?" But the hotties wouldn't flirt with outsider-bags too unscrote to gain entrance.

So they circled the front angrily until the Douche-Nine finally let them in.



Eventually the scrotes began to swarm the door, preventing even this uber-hot blondie with perfect legs from getting in, even as she brought four 'bags with her.


Note Douche-Nine on the very right of the pic holding back the unwashed 'bag masses from attaining entrance to Douche Mecca.

Here's another look at this frustrated blonde being held back from Mecca by the power of Douche-Nine:





But blondie would not be deterred. All she had to do was remove her shirt, and entrance would be gained.







Hotties like this one were the only few chosen ones getting by Douche-Nine and directly into the Rehabber's Party, and she came, naturally, with three uber-bags in tow.


As you can tell by her attributes, it was an easy choice to make. Note the circling douchebags with no prayer in hell of getting into the party before Monday trying to latch on to her powers of the HC.

No dice, bros. No way Douche-Nine lets you pass.






As to your humble narrator?

The Grieco viruses had now gone airborn, and I was concerned for my own well being. What would being this close to source-scrote and Douche Mecca do to a human being? Was I pushing the bounds of acceptable exposure to new and unhealthy douche levels?

No. I had to keep going.

I couldn't stop here, right on the edge of seeing the source of all that's unholy and rank in the coupling patterns of the HC and D. I could not turn back now.

After standing around for awhile I realized that there was no way this humble pilgrim could get this close to Douche Mecca only to be turned away by a greasy scrote sipping bottled water and repeatedly rubbing his own stubble.

I owed it to you, the reader.

So I used my powers of douche-hunter persuasion and, after busting a couple of cans of Miller Lite, I had suitably become Essense Du Douche. Being the clever bastard that I am, I managed to finagle my way inside using a series of Douchebag Mind Control techniques that only a Master possesses.

I can not give away the secrets of how I gained entrance. Know only that by studying this site, by reading me every day, can you too learn the power of Douchebag1.

And so I was inside. And there it was.

Douche Mecca:


Tilted hats.

Low hanging shorts.

'Bag Hand Gestures #1-#239.

Stage-4 infected Bleethed out terminal hotties in string bikinis.

Water with about 300 different strands of DNA floating in it.


Yes folks, I had journeyed upriver for you, my loyal readers, only to find the place from which all HCwD power originates. As source-douche as any Grieco, Baio or even early 1990s Corey Feldman. "Wooos!" abounded like siren calls from the wilderness. The air was filled with dancing Grieco viruses as the 'Bags and Hotties congregated like Douche-Gods on the Island of Delos.

The Lord said "Let there be Douche."

And it was douche.


The D.J. was spinning. The cabanas had flat-screen T.V.s. Miller Lites were everywhere. Hotties were being groped by 'bags in the water.

And your humble narrator was there to witness it all.







Tomorrow: More pics of my adventures inside Douche Mecca.

Pics shortly...

I know the Halloween pics aren't the best indicator of uber-'bagginess, but Zombie Luke Skywalker here needs some collective scorn heaped upon that douchey chinned mug.

I don't know how Zombie Luke convincd this delectible candy to accompany him anywhere, but thus is the power of the Douche Force.

That pink bikini just hurts on a deep psychic schism. I loves me the brunettes, it's true.

I just found out this site is blocked by some work filters that consider it "adult." Now come on, how is ferreting out all that is deeply scrote among douchebags and the hotties who love them worth blocking from work websites? Anyways if you're having problems accessing the site at work, email me, and let me know if you have any thoughts on how I can get around it via HTML or other forms of high-tech magic.

Also apparently that dude three photos down with the "Holy Cleavite" is some c-list actor. Doesn't make him any less of a douchebag.

Can't wait to upload the Vegas pics. Just flew back to L.A., currently second to the Vegas on the HCwD head assplosion scale... more shortly...

Further cementing the notion that shirtless douchebags have gone from a freak occurance to a plague of epic proportions, these two cold sores represent merely the latest outbreak.

This pic is classic 'bag sandwich. The hottie's a bit too skinny for my tastes, but she's still good in that elfin way.

Douchebag on the right shows off his underwear in a way that makes me want to take a pliers to his nuts. T-1000 Terminator 'bag on the left needs his chest wax set on fire.

Douchey Osmond hasn't had much of a career since the Osmonds broke up in the early 80s, but at least he's still getting the hotties.

I'm not much of a fake boobies fan, but those are some perky-ass starfish.

And an 18 pack abs has gotta be heaven for your humble narrator, on his way back from Vegas as we speak...

Some 'bag-hunter apprentices ask me, DB1, how will I know The Holy Cleavite when I see it?

And I answer: Grasshopper. One can never anticipate nor prepare for the revelation of The Holy Cleavite. One can only experience it in the Moment. In the Present. In the Now.

The Holy Cleavite is not a place. It is not a thing. It is a state of Mind.

Experience It. Know It. Drool over It.

And then there's this guy.

There's some form of special cosmic truth when a scrote makes The Shocker and looks like he's about to shoot himself in the head. The fact this bowl haircutted drummer for the Journey tribute band has polluted this jiggly librarian-hottie into forming the Westside is so many sorts of wrong. In fact, it's all of them. All sorts of wrong.

Okay, I'm now officially getting out of bed and getting some Vegas pancakes. Mmm... vegas pancakes. Like regular pancakes only Vegasier...

PIC DELETED
This isn't the most hottie/douchey pic, but it's Monday, I'm still half drunk in Vegas, and I have a thing for vaguely Marisa Tomei looking dark haired hotties.

Besides, how often do you see the greasy cheekbones look on a 'bag?

While I'm kickin' it in Vegas, here's a nice lineup of the usual douchebag suspects.

Well, two of 'em anyway.

That blondie makes the DB1's heart grow fonder. Well, it makes something grow. (oh man, I can't believe I went for that one)

Where's Keyser Scrotse when you need him?

Holy crap, Vegas is nuts. I hit up the Rehabber's Party at the Hard Rock today, hereafter to be referred to as Douche Mecca and have some of the most hilarious pics of hottie/douchey combos I've ever taken. Douchebag central and some of the most Bleethed out hotties in creation. Maybe I should retitle this site "Douchebagettes with Douchebags." Yikes.

However I won't be able to post 'em until Wednesday or so. I'll be posting some hilarious submissions in the meantime.

As to Vegas?

Holy crap.

The DB1 is having good times. Good times. Vegas.

Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Here's a Saturday pic of truly stomach upsetting pepto-bismol requiring ickiness to tide you over while I recover from my hangover.

Twinky here is everything that's rotten in Denmark. Hottie here is everything that's golden in Guadalcanal. The mysterious Asian peeking out from behind them is everything that's confusing in Peru.

Forget blonds with great abs. This sensuous beauty right here makes me want to get out of bed and go get pancakes.

Your humble narrator in all things hottie/douchey, DB1 is off to Vegas for another weekend of overwhelming debauchery. But this time, I'm armed with a camera and am going to do everything to get over to the Hard Rock Sunday Hangover HCwD festival. Pics will be taken.

Oh yes. Pics will be taken.

Updates may be spotty over the weekend and on Monday from Vegas, but the hunt to expose the unholy interplay between the light of the sexy young female and the stench of the unholy scrote will continue.

May your weekend be filled with Night Train...

This spew should rock your Friday like a good HCwD combo can do. This blue eyed doe looks vaguely stunned to discover she's dating a douchebag. Which is understandable. She also features that bizarre shoulderless collar top that usually features a woman's boobs in a wonderul "look at me!!" way. Unfortunately the pic is cut before I can check out said boobs. Which hurts me like a mofo. What can I say, it's the little things.

Scrote needs his tongue pulled out with a clamp and severed with a butter knife. Not that I'm bitter. I'm actually quite nice.

She's not overwhelmingly hot, but since she's got abs that I'd like to frickassee with a tender pork loin and a nice pinot noir... mmm... pork chop.

What's with the towel/t-shirt? She auditioning for "Girls Gone Wild: Douchebag Nights"?

Dual 'Bag Gestures #56 hurt the DB1 in a deep and unfair way.

I've never seen a douche this big with a mouth that small. He is beyond guppy. He's some form of douchebag coelacanth, one of those missing link fish found swimming in some grotto in Madagascar. Yegods, how does he get food into that little thing? Is he on a permanent straw diet?

The white hat and rose shirt takes him to a new level of douchetude, and makes the DB1 feel itchy in all sorts of bad.

Young Teri Hatcher Hottie has 64 of the whitest teeth this side of Jake Busey.

Bow your heads in prayer, my friends.

Here lies a former hottie in the final stages of Bleeth infection. This pudgy tool has completely obliterated whatever was once sweet and nice in this young hottie.

Rend your garments.

Light a match.

Punch a guido.

However you need to mourn the loss of hotness that is this tragedy.

Those legs, however, are lunchable.

Johnny Knoxville 'Bag here is the first to feature the retro early-80s red and blue stripped douche armband. So he's got that going for him.

Popped collar, trucker cap and 70s sunglasses and the DB1 wants to pound nails into his eyelids.

Hottie has that Winnie from "The Wonder Years" girl next door thing, which always makes the DB1 feel happy in his special place. Then again, so does chipwiches. Mmm... 500 calories of pure chipwich goodness.

It hurts me to have to show you this one. Two hotties and a furry Meatsickle. It pains me, but show you I must.

I know your day deserves better. But observing the Meatsickle is a public service that requires our intervention. The Meatsickle is out there right now. And so we must upchuck to his unholy douchebaggery as a collective, if for no other reason then it purges our communal souls.

Inverted HCwD sandwich combo features two snow whites who would very much benefit from my forehead nuzzling their upper thighs for groundhog day while juggling pears and gargling mint tea. Come to me hotties.

Come to me.

I'm struggling with this one. There's nothing particularly 'baggy about this tall aging doofus and his two super sexy minxes, and yet, from a deep primal place, I want to call him a douchebag. Maybe it's that 50s retro-hipster shirt. Maybe it's that face. That douchey, grinny, "I'm too old to be with these hotties" face.

So what do you think? Full 'Bag? Pre-'Bag? Budding 'Bag? Or just a pile of week old refuse?

And since when were pants optional for hotties in the clubs and who can I write a letter of thanks to about this new development?

Ya know, it's Wednesday evening, I'm settling in for a nice Swensen's microwaved frozen dinner (stir fry chicken), a red cup of Thunderbird wine to wash it down, and a nice package of Hostess Cupcakes for dessert (gotta mix it up), when I see this pic.

Now it's true, I could simply toss my microwaved chicken chunks at my computer screen, and rant incoherently until I trip over my chair and fall on my rug. Or I could down a cup of the 'Bird, breathe, and enjoy my evening by simply mocking this plug's utter douche stench.

This tonguey scrote is actually polluting this poor little blondie as the pic is taken. It's rare we see the Grieco germs in active infectuous status like this. And dig that brass knuckles emblem on the shirt. Classy.

Okay, back to the chicken chunks...

There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to punch someone. Now I'm a pacifist by trade. But if I was standing next to this oily popped collar Elvis looking giant forehead greasy sloth, I'd be forced by the laws of physics, nature and spiritual requisite, to drop him like a sack cloth.

This red stick figure does the metaphysical happy dance in my metaphysical pants. Metaphysically speaking, of course.

Check out this ridiculous clown and his band camp hottie in that clingy satin dress that makes the DB1 sip his morning coffee with extra urgency. HoboCop keeps the world douched so that you don't have to. He's out there right now, patrolling the bars and clubs, looking for Hotties to scrote on.

I especially dig the strategically placed paint stains on the pants. Nice job, HoboCop!

HoboCop. The future of douche enforcement.

David Blaine's hit on hard times since he did that underwater magic trick stunt. Now he's pudged up and hitting on the hotties. Actually, this greasy foreheaed skeezer's doing better than I am, with this corn-fed little cutie on his lap. Far better.

(sigh)

Time to hit the 'Train.

That's gotta be the most retarded "Shocker" I've seen in months. It's like a tri-shocker. Top finger aimin' for the belly button there, studly?

This blondie's cleavite dances around the edge of her low-cut dress like a thousand tiny angels doing the lambada.

The furry forearm-band need to be added to the 'bag accessory pantheon. This skeeze looks like the bastard spawn of Carrot Top and Julia Child. Yikes. Someone needs to shave that red furrball with a dull razor then kick this tool in the nads.

Sexy blonde cheerleader is like a 13 year old's fever dream come to life. Me likes.

I want to put out an Amber Alert for this poor, kidnapped little hottie. She's been hijacked by douche. And not just any douche. The douchebag equivalent of Rodin's "The Thinker." Or, as the dadaists would call him, "The Doucher."

Since she's possibly underage, I'd like to remind everyone that my comments are meant purely for comedic purposes and I'm in no way referring to her as a nice young piece of chewey caramel nugat that I'd sprinkle with confectioners sugar and enjoy with a port wine.

More from the The B.B.'s Adventures in douchebaggery, here they've cornered a stripey shirted little minx who blends quite nicely with their horizontal line motif.

Good work B.B.'s. Good work.

So there's some controversy on whether these two are actual scrotes or merely impersonating them. This brings up a good question: where's the line between 'baggery and ironic commentary?

And while we're at it, where's my clean pair of underwear?

A couple of loyal readers decided to douche it up old-school-stripey style and hit the town to find hot chicks like true scrotes. They took on this mission for us, for the site. Here's the evidence of their douchey accomplishments so we can share their journey into the heart of Grieco.

For their fantastic night of douchitude, I hearby dub them "The 'Bag Brothers." Good work, B.B.s!

Props to any reader who truly understands the essence du douche like these two. I am in awe of their ability to personify the true uber-douche. And guys, the forearm-bands? Genius. Total props from DB1.

Fellow readers, show them your love and give it up for the 'Bag Brothers in the comments section. These two deserve it.

Looking at red capped pimple next to this cuddly Tickle Me Hottie is the heighth of a psychological anal probe.

This pre-teen scrote is all that is wrong with life. He makes me itch throughout my nether regions. He is hip-hop douche prime.

This hottie, however, is just pink lipsticked goodness in a can. I'll even forgive the matching locket/bracelet combo and bizarro earrings.

I would nuzzle this fawn's upper arm area with my nose until the Northern Lights form coherent sentences. I would powder my butt-cheeks with her discarded mascara and bump rorsharch tests in the snow. I would conduct the Boston Philharmonic in a synthed version of Ode To Joy while krunk dancing naked. Just to nibble her ring finger with a touch of soy sauce.

Okay, the last few pics had some marginal 'bag turds in them, so lets get back to basics with this skeezy-ass scrote and his two cute little accomplices in douchitude.

70s Elton John 'Bag here may actually have the greatest recorded 'bag hair tuft in modern history. It's like the Mona Lisa of 'bag hair. But this moldy lava lamp doesn't reach uber-bag status because he chose the much more benign Bag Hand Gestures #43 and #94 instead of busting the Shocker.

Nothing says 'class' like keeping your ginormous 1995 analog cell-phone on the table with two hotties on either side.

Peace out, furry head 'bag!

The 'TardBags come out.

The 'TardBags come out at niiiiiight.

I said, the 'TardBags come out.

The 'TardBags come out at niiiiiight.

Last week's discussion on that weasily little scrote with the uber-hottie was a good one, so I'm offering up this pic for similar analysis. I can't tell whether suntan boy and his pale, Heineken sipping sidekick rank as 'bags or not. I'm leaning towards creepybag stage 1 'bag status with potentials for both collars to pop in the near future (kind of like letting you know when a turkey's done).

Thoughts?

I thought this pic would be a good way to wake us all up on a Monday.

Sometimes being a popped collar bandana wearing tonguebag means you get left out of an inverted 'bag/hottie sandwich combo. Tonguey McFesteringSore here is more interested in the camera than the liplocked passion in front of him. Tells you all you need to know about this wank.

As for girls kissing? Yes please.

So now that you've seen this pic, you awake yet? Beats the hell out of coffee.

Had dinner with the ex again last night. For some reason she didn't enjoy the Night Train quite so much, but the HoHos were a huge hit.

Hope all your weekends are 'bag-free and unBleethed. If you've found any fantastic HCwD combo pics, or if you're a hottie and have sexy pics you want to send privately to the DB1, drop me a line at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

More unholy goodness tomorrow.

After a long, hard week of being a douchebag it's time to kick back and celebrate with two gorgeous little koala bears who are paid to pose with you.

May you all get drunk off your ass with a red cup filled with Night Train and a package of HoHos this weekend.

This guy isn't too much of a scrote, in fact he just looks lost, but that brunette on the left makes little DB1 so happy I just had to post this pic.

Great googley moogley she could cure shingles with her sweat. And the sulty vixen on the right gives me the jumpy pants too.

"Art of the Douche" in the comments thread on the last pic:

Hmmmm.....I am guessing there is a better than average chance the t-shirt actually says "My girlfriend is Howard."

Nicely played, sir.

Man that green schoolgirl hair-bow just wiggles my uvula every time. And the librarian look is all sorts of good.

This pile of stomach acid is beyond rank douchebag to another level of ass. Dig those ring fingers.

To quote the late, great Johnny Cash quoting the still around, sometimes great Trent Reznor... I hurt myself today... to see if I still feel....

Looking at this pic hurts. Maybe not in an existential-heroin way. But the damage to my psyche looking at a 10 degree hat, douche hand gesture and pose on a hottie standing next to a Furby is all too real. Dear god make it stop... this sexy creature is polluted so horribly with wrongness... the pain... is too much...

So to answer your question Johnny, yes, HCwDs hurt in their own special way.

Cactus hair is definitely a spreading phenomenon of the douche virus. And yes, here we have yet another tragic case of a cutie suffering from late stage douchebagus infectus Griecoid Bleethus.

Anyone else freaked out that the two wank-bags here have matching sets of earrings?

Blondie's got that Juliette Lewis "I could kick your ass" thing going. Sad thing is, she probably could kick my ass. Maybe if I ate less hohos.

That's it. I'm quitting hohos.

Tomorrow. Or maybe Saturday.

Ah screw it. Everyone loves hohos.

What a waste.

Oh the humanity.

I do dig the high quality sleep device in the background. I think I saw homeless people camped out on those when I was in Atlantic City last year. Chicka is a lost cause, never to come back. It's sad. But then again, it's kind of funny.

Okay people, it's time to way in on the Oblique Douchitude Factor (ODF). Here's a sleazy pile of poo with no overt signs of douchebaggery. His hair isn't overly greasy, his t-shirt is fairly normal, there's no facial pubes or Carpenter King Bling. He does, however, feature a 'bag earring.

So he's on the cusp.

Now's your chance to go Siskel & Ebert on his ass. Thumbs up? Or Thumbs Down? Up for Douchebag, down for non-Douchebag.

The hottie is not to be debated. She makes my pants feel funny. But that could be the rash. Stupid rash. Keeps spreading the more I scratch it.

Same to you, trash 'bag.

CletusBag harkons to the type of essence du douche we don't see as many of on this site, the true white trash skeeze. Wifebeater t-shirt, bandana on head, creepy tats, and of course 'bag hand gesture #A-19. Toss in the ubiquitous bottle of miller lite, and you have a prime cut of scrote.

Hottie ain't really super hot here, but hey, it's the morning and I'm hungover. Lots going on in the background which I'll leave it to the team to decipher.

How much do you hate your life right now?

Tongue? Check.

Spikey douche hair? Check.

Bag Hand Gesture #03? Check.

Abs I'd suck on for a fortnight? Check please.

Classic 'bag sandwich formation here featuring two uber-bags and one little blondie just dripping hotness in the middle. I'd stare at her longer but there's two pink slugs crawling on that guy's face which keep distracting me.

Not to mention wearing a bandana under a 10 degree hat is automatic a +2 'Bag Strike in Dungeons & Douchons.

You've seen those cute little meercats running around at the zoo. Here's one all grown up and pimped out in true douche stylin'. Once again we find glazed hair and the A/X brand confirming our suspicions of douchitude.

Yet somehow this wily testicle has acquired a rather sexy, if slightly bizarrely dressed, little zucchini.

Her belly is fantastic. It sends young maidens into celebratory dancing around the maypole. She reminds me of my 7th grade girlfriend all grown up. Enid? Is that you?

And may Vishnu bless the low ride jeans. May they never go out of style.

Some ask me, "DB1, how does one define what is and isn't a douchebag?"

Ah, grasshopper.

Therein lies our journey.

Anyone can put up pics of New Jersey guidos and mock them (and we have in the past, and I promise you we will again). But these are the obvious douchebags. The source douche.

But we must also study the secondary refracted douchitude. The quantum patterns of douche resonance that Schrodinger and Heisenberg spent so much time researching in the 1950s as they developed their theory of the douchebag/scrote duality.

Is a douchebag physical? Or a state of mind? At which point in space/time do Fratbags, Tonguebags, Guidobags and Yuppiebags converge into a singularity of douche, a black hole of such gravitational force that neither grease nor bling can escape? The douche must be studied in the zen context of a hottie. For without such a paradigm, we are but lost travelers in a dark forest. The 'bag leads us towards darkness. We need the light of Hottie to lead us out.

These are the metaphysical questions that plague us. As we will soon see in my book, "A Brief History of Douche", douche permeates the galaxy at the subatomic level and has been with us since the dawn of time itself. Studying its variants, its permutations, reveals to us the entire galaxy of douchitude and non-douchitude and how the two converge, harmonize and fractalize into dissonant shards of douchetude/hottie combos that come to us in so many disparate variations.

The HCwD is the duality of life itself. It defines the polarities of the illogic of this universe filled with such glorious contradictions, emotions and patterns. And so we study the douche/hottie combo, not just to better understand the craziness of our world. But to better understand ourselves.

If you build it... they'll be douche...

Check out the forehead shine on stripey shirt in the middle here. That's like Armor-All quality head shine. I can't even count the volume of scrote in this pic. It's like mass fratbag doucheyness permeating around one giant, fantastic set of mammaries.

I do enjoy the dork in the way back, unsure of how to get in on the action. Should he "Woo!" his way into a chicka's heart? Or perhaps select the tongue-hand combo as demonstrated by our scrotey little wank in the white shirt here?

I feel bad for that little, lonely dude. Hang in there, buddy.

Fire up the hot-tub. 70s Scrote is ready to make looooveeee....

This yellow sunglasses, rose shirt wearing utter poo-bag reaches superstar 'bag status by adding on that sleazy-ass neck bling. What the hell is that thing? Does it cure lupus? Summon demon spirits? Open the Tardis?

Looking at this pic makes me want to play some Supertramp. Man I loves me the Supertramp.

There's a story behind this recipe for Kentucky Scrote, a famous southern dish best served lukewarm. It involves two young, nubile women. A bar. And a giant stack of douche.

Add 1 part sports jersey.
2 parts pale, doughey skin.
1 cup of scrubby facial expression.
1 pen clipped to the top of the jersey.
2 hotties.

Stir for three minutes, then simmer over a low flame.

Voila! Kentucky Scrote.

This wank features the furriest headband this side of a Rosie O'Donnell merkin. Add in the rare 'bag hand gestures #92 and #34 and you have a recipe for uber-douche.

It doesn't appear to be a costume party, although the mask on the upper right suggest it might be. The two cuties are dressed fairly normally, but exhibiting faint signs of stage-2 Bleeth infections (Jesus bling on the left, 10 degree hat on the right).

Today's selection of douchebaggery and the hotties who love them is brought to you by Flowbee. Flowbee, for that fresh out of the box do-it-yourself 'bag haircut.

Perfectly douched out every time, the next time you'd like 'Bag Haircut #04, 05 or even #32, think Flowbee.

Available at Wal-Marts near you.

Here's yet another sorry example of the infultration of the Grieco virus across campuses worldwide. Tonguebag can't help but bust a variant on The Shocker, 'Bag Hand Gesture #40.

Cutie just seems way too excited for FratBag's attention, although I'm pleased to see her oral hygene is up to spec. I haven't seen teeth that white since John Tesh hosted Entertainment Tonight.

Note the ubiquitous red cup. Also the greasy shirtless 'bag in the background makes me itch. I'm not sure what's up with the ghosts on the right, though. I thought ghosts didn't exist.

Stupid douchey ghosts. Stop haunting me.

Ohene Nana writes in:

West African Clearing House
Darkuman – Accra Ghana
P.O. Box 501 Accra Ghana
Email:ohene_nana1@yahoo.com
Phone 00233 21859959
Fax 00233 21859957

Greetings Dear Friend,

I am Mr. OHENE NANA Operation of West African Clearing House Accra Ghana duly registered with the appropriate authorities.

Since four years ago one Zimbabwean (Mr. Francis Carden) who served under the President government as a Minister came to our company and deposited Sum of ($15.5 Million) in our custody and the due process of our Company was followed. His position as a minister was an advantage that was why he could move the money over to Ghana without having problem with the authorities at the airport due to Diplomatic Immunity.

As it stands now, the man in question has never since past three years visited our company or call me like he use to in the first one year of deposit. As a result of this I carried out enquiry and my investigations revealed that the man in question died two 32 months ago.

The entire house hold does not know anything about this money because the depositor as I learnt fell out with President Mugabe and his death was necessitated by the heartless president.I am relaying this information to you because of my plans to divert the said fund to your custody using my office. As it stands, No body in the company has comprehensive knowledge about the transaction because all the original documents was kept with me by the depositor for security.

Frankly speaking, I can not move this amount of money out of Ghana on my own and I can not deposit such amount into any Commercial bank in Ghana in my name. If this business interests you, provide me with your particulars- Surname, First name, Address, Country of origin, company name if any. With these I will be able to effect Change of ownership to your name and other related documents.

Having done that, you be will required coming over to Ghana to open a None Residential Short Live Account with a Bank in which the fund will be moved into. When this fund is deposited in the account, you will gradually transfer the fund into any account of your choice where we shall meet and share according to agreement of 55% for me,35% for you while 10% will be used to settle all expenses both of will incur while transacting. Trust is required in a very high magnitude as I do not wish to be cheated.

I look forward to your kind gesture if the conditions are okay by you. reply the through my email as mantioned above.

Yours faithfully
Mr. OHENE NANA
-----------

Dear Mr. Nana-
I'm not sure what this email has to do with Hot Chicks nor with Douchebags. I do know, however, that you're a scamming, lying scrote. In lieu of money, I will be sending a head scarf, some Jesus bling and a bottle of Douche-Gel, the latest product from HCwD Industries. Good luck with the hotties.

Douchebag.

Sincerely,
DB1

Where to start, where to start...

Lets try a minimalist approach for the commentary on this pic:

Face.

Eyebrows.

Chin.

Life preserver vest.

Hot.

Awesome! Totally awesome!

Ridgemont High's changed a lot in twenty years. Now the Spicolis are morphing into black t-shirt wearing scrotes like moppet-head here. Yet this yellowey Carrot Top 'bag has two sweet little Lolitas all up in his El Presidente-ness. Where's Humbert Humbert to run this knob over when you need him?

Anyone taking bets on whether that's his wall painted douchebag pink? Or one of the hotties?

There's a certain automatic rule in evaluating the nuances of the douche. It involves shirt removal. Unless you're on a beach, putting out a brush fire or getting a mole exam, the removal of one's shirt in the presence of attractive young women is an A-1 ticket to ride on the Douchey-Go-Round. An elevation of 'bag status if you will.

Take this scrotey hockey stick here. Sure he flunked out of DeVry. But at night he sets the clubs on fire with his douchey powers of the ten degree hat tilt -- in this case cranked up to a solid 45 degrees of douchitude. Shirt removal? Automatic bye past the first round of 'baggery and onto the semifinals. Toss in the loose tie and this wank needs his eggs waxed.

So consider this a rule of 'bag evaluation. No shirt, automatic promotion past the level-one douche and into the higher ranks of 'bagosity.

Euro-hottie on the right makes bluebirds sing.

Remember folks, The Grieco is out there.

The Grieco is watching.

The originator of the modern douchebag virus and the 'bag who infected poor innocent Fair Maiden Yasmine Bleeth (creating the concept of "Bleething") until she became a stage-4 douchebaggette, here is The Grieco in happier times.

This is The King of all 'Bags. The Holy Trinidouche. The man from who's hair gel, tats, bling and stubble sprung forth all things scrote.

This is his blood you gel, this is his (Axe) body (spray) you apply.

Let us all hail his doucheyness on this Saturday. And just as a refresher course for those who haven't read the full tragic fairytale of Fair Maiden Bleeth and The Grieco, here, once again, is the tragic tale of a sweet hottie and the results of dating a douchebag:

Here's Fair Maiden Bleeth in happier, innocent days on her beach kingdom:




















And after four years of dating The Grieco, here's Fair Maiden Bleeth suffering a stage-4 terminal 'bag infection from the Source 'Bag himself:

















So be warned, folks. The Grieco is still out there. Let this fairytale be a lesson for us all.

Well it's Friday, which means it's time to get drunk on Night Train, go 90 down the PCH in Malibu, and call a female cop "sugar tits."

Be the Mel. Ma-... Make the Mel.

May all your weekends be Mel. It's time for DB1 to get ripped.

And ladies... beware the 'bags when you're out and about this weekend. They may look like Mel Gibson, but that doesn't mean they're not a heaping pile of Shetland pony diarrhea.

Do you remember high school? I sure do. Sitting in the quad pretending to smoke cigs and standing around. Hoping one of the gothy chicks might take pity and let me make out with her for a few minutes. So basically pretending to smoke cigs and standing around.

Was high school like this? Hell no.

I'm probably not supposed to comment on 17 year old teenagers, so let the record show that I'm completely unaware of any curvy legs, tanned backsides and juicy thighs in this pic that I'd like to put powdered confectioners sugar on and deftly nibble for a weekend.
I see them only as children. Nothing to see here, move along.

Dinky McSilverTie needs to be strung up by his underpants if there's any justice in this world. I never thought I'd be on the side of abusive jock douchebags beating someone up. But if it means this lucky pimple boy gets his due, it'll be worth it.

HOUSEWIFE IMPALED ON HUSBAND'S HAIR
Associated Press -- Friday, 7:34am

Omaha, Nebraska -- A suburban housewife was killed this morning in a bizarre accident involving her husband's hair.

Suzie Jones, 24, of suburban Omaha was in the middle of making breakfast when her husband went to embrace her. Suzie slipped on a pool of hair grease and, according to authorities, impaled on one of her husbands hair spikes. Police are investigating, but it appears to have been an accident and foul intentions are not suspected.

"They just seemed like such a happy couple." said neighbor Jenny Smith. "I mean, I know Dan was a total and complete douchebag, but I never suspected something like this might happen."

"We're not suspecting the husband of any foul play at this point, " said Seargent John Cleavite of the Omaha police department. "Turns out the husband was just a rank and greasy scrote."

Douchebag accidents involving Jesus bling, spikey hair and greasy foreheads are on the rise across the nation, prompting the federal government to begin an investigation into ways to stop the trend. "We've considered a variety of approaches, including the development of a douchebag spray, a sort of 'Agent Pink-Izod' we can use." said Ranger Jack Bling. "But they just keep spreading. The more we stop them, the more of them there are."

I didn't know it was possible to date one of those large granite heads on Easter Island, but apparently Blondie here is finding a way.

This head is overwhelming in its greasy chiseledosity. It makes me weep for humanity. It is all that is scrote.

Blondie's a bit too crazy-eyes for my taste. Like she'll be amazing in bed then two weeks into the relationship she'll eat all your oreos, set your autographed Ron Jeremy photo on fire and run over your cat.

Note the rock that Aku here planted on that finger so she wouldn't run off with a wall of concrete.

That head. My eyes keep returning to that large coconut of douche. It's like the Michaelangelo's David of 'baggedness. The chin dimple makes my lungs itch.

Remember those walking trees in "Lord of the Rings" part 2?

This photo just makes me incredibly creeped out. Not sure if it's the angle, or the close proximity of everyone, or that creepy bald dude in the back. I just feel dirty looking at this.

You didn't think I was going to let you get away with only one pic of this infectuous flesh nightmare, did you?

Of course not.

You come here for the pain of the 'bag and hottie comingling in sin. Who am I to disappoint?

Matthew Modine 'bag is laughing at you. Yes he is. He's laughing at you because he knows in a few moments he'll be enjoying that hottie like a nice cool beverage on a hot summer day.

Apparently these two are actually cast members on Big Brother, which would explain why I've never heard of them. Regardless they are a classic combo of sexiness and unholy scrote. Thanks to LaTaviya over at Trashwire.com for the pics.

I'll bet you never knew a Disney character could bust douchebag hand gesture #92. Here's a wank tonguebag worthy of gonad electroshock torture.

I do dig his blondie accessory. She's sweet and pure and makes me mourn for her eventual deflowering by this sack of week old mucus.

I know what you're saying. I imagine these hotties to be far more charming and sweet than they really are. In reality she's probably a solid stage-2 Bleether, busting out "Wooos!" and making 'bag hand gestures while shotgunning a Michelob light. But hey, it's my fantasy. And while it's my fantasy, lets roll in a jar of half-sour pickles.

Holy crap it's like the rose garden of douche. This blue capped gibbon turd looks like a used diaper on crack. I don't know what that means, and yet it somehow perfectly captures this scrote's inner spirit.

Captain Jack here actually has a suntan in the shape of a wifebeater t-shirt. And note yet another 'bag headbutt into a hottie. I have yet to understand why headbutting a hottie is a sign of douchebag affection.

This blond is so fantastic I want to shove toothpics under my nails and jab my crotch repeatedly until I'm so blinded by pain I forget that she's cuddling with a skinny white koala douche.

This pic right here is why I created this site. I find it simultaneously amusing, tragic, hilarious, pathetic, enraging and slightly arousing. Kind of like when I eat a plate of honey BBQ hot wings at KFC.

Mmm... hotwings.

To all the new 'bags just finding us here on our mission to expose the spreading plague of hottie/scrote combo, let me first say "welcome." You too can bust a popped collar, Jesus bling, greasy forehead and a sideways Shocker hand pose just like the legends on this site. Just send an email with a pic of a sweet, innocent young fawn being polluted by a sweaty ballsack, to me at douchebag1@hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

The best pic will receive, well, nothing really except the joy in mocking a rank pile of dog poo on the internet. And really, if that isn't what the internet's for, than I'm giving up crappy wine for good.

I've seen that shirt before. It was on my T.V. at 5am when I was four years old and waiting for Tom and Jerry to come on. On the "needs a slap" scale, this average-bag definitely ranks a 12 out of 10.

Hottie isn't dripping the superstar sex but has that "will work for food" expression that just warms the heart. Well, it warms something.

These are the real life pics that show the far outreaches of the douchebag plague. Where everyday anonymous 'bags turn out to flash their scrote on the dance floor.

Anger factor... rising... rising... Night Training...

ahhh....

There comes a point in every rapper's life where he must choose. To continue on the path of hip-hip excess until they're as saggy and tired as T here or just fade away like the late, (not that) great Fat Boys or Young M.C.

Or option #3: get gunned down in Vegas.

So in a way I understand Ice's attempts at clinging to fading glory. He's still got the pimp-dress classed Ice-T style. And here he is, hangin' with the hotties. But the poor guy just looks tired. Pack it in, Ice. Pack it in.

It hurts me to add the once-great Ice-T to the site, but this pic was just too genius not to post. And those inflated weather balloons look like they could help dissidents escape to West Germany. I could curl up between them for a weekend and settle in to read some Faulkner.

Ever get the feeling you're being stalked by a douchebag? This Anna Kornikova type hottie sure does.

I think we need a new term for the lurking scrote. I'm thinking "stouchebag" for stalker douchebags. Stouchebags show up in clubs solo and stalk the hotties, always ready to pounce yet rarely working up the courage to actually unleash their douchey taint through actual direct contact.

So dig this dancin' stoucher behind the hottie. You can tell by the way he moves his walk he's a douchey scrote, no time to talk.

Actually scratch that. Just dig this hottie. That's a shiny dress. Yet oh so fantastic in so many curvy ways.

T Bag writes in with the story of this rank HCwD pic he captured in New Orleans last week:

Here is a gem I picked up in New Orleans over the weekend. Sunglasses on head: check. Silk baby-blue shirt: check. Greasy friend with a bud, shinny forehead, and wad of skoal inserted in lower lip: check. Hottie on the arm: big check. Double hand bag gesture #73: clincher.

Didn’t even have to make up a story for these scrotes. Just a “hey, look over here, I’m going to take your picture now.” Bags love to be photographed...

Excellent work T.B. Like Jane Goodall or Louis Pasteur, we must study scrotes and hotties in their natural habitat to better understand what forces create the societal ritual that produces such pukey douchitude. Keep doing God's work, people. Send me what you find.

White people, listen up.

You will never, ever be The Mack. I don't care how hard you try. The harder you try, the more you will need a beating. You will not refer to women you know as your "beyoches." You will not use the word "peeps." You will not even be ironic-cool. You will only achieve skeezy douche.

You are not stylin' with your pimped out coats and hats and 'bag hand gestures #52. You are scrote.

So stop it. Please. For all of our sakes. Just stop.

I would suck lemon juice off those abs until my scurvy was cured.

I'm pleased to see the exotic hottie factor played a role in the deductive process for many of you. Not to mention the fact these two douche-clowns are just begging for a beating. I also think on the anger factor, CHiPs would elicit laughter and contempt, but this tonguey scrote here would cause twitching.

Actually I think it was a tie between this pic and Whack a 'Bag but I'm too lazy to do a recount, and besides I wanna stare at Tigress Woods for a few more minutes before I feast on my morning HoHos.