Saturday, January 06, 2007
The Wooo State
I've written previously on the "Wooo! State," (W.S.) a mild hysteria usually exhibited in a young adult female upon entering an excited sexual state with potential mating ramifications. The Wooo State usually, but not always, manifests in groups of females gathered together as the necessary component of the secondary and tertiary stages of the mating call. The Wooo State emits as a primal guttal noise very similar to anuran amphibians like the iguana's dewlap. Letting out a series of "Wooo!" mating cries, each female signals the drunken male to approach and reciprocate his interest through the following three mating call responses:
1. "Hey."
2. "What's up?"
3. "Want another Miller Lite?"
See Exhibit A, shown here. Once the male has reciprocated interest, the female can either accept or reject the male's mating overture. The female rejects the male's offer of a red cup of Miller Lite/sex by continuing to emit the "Wooo!" sound as she rejoins the female pack, or she accepts the overture with the following mating call response:
1. "I'm like sooooo drunk."
However the W.S. also has ramifications of douchebaggery outside of its direct use as mating signifier. This involves what I'd like to term the "Primal Douchebag Trauma." P.D.T. usually occurs in a female around the age of 14 or 15, when she witnesses an older sibling using the Wooo State to attract a douchebag. Once this mating dance is imprinted on the young teenage female, she seeks to replicate the actions on her own once reaching college or the local mall. In this way, douchebag mating dances become replicated through imprint.
But it is important to note that the Wooo State does not automatically indicate a stage of Douche Virus infection on behalf of the female. While there is causality, a female who has been exposed to extensive douchebaggery through a series of boyfriends does tend to engage the Wooo State to an excessive degree, it is not an absolute requisite. Therefore Wooo State can not fully be removed from the realm of a Stage-3 or State-4 Bleeth Infection. It must be factored in, along with dress, hand gestures, and facial sneer, to determine at what stage an adult female has progressed along the lines of rank douchebaggery.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 2:03 PM 
Comments:
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Seriously... I think I dated that girl in the middle. Not even kidding.
And... DAVID SCHWIMMER! Said it first.
And... DAVID SCHWIMMER! Said it first.
does that chick in the middle have a tattoo on the side of her boob? what is that?!
# posted by 
: 3:17 PM
: 3:17 PM
At first I thought the girl in the middle was bleeding but now I see that it is an awkwardly placed tattoo. Or a rash that a doctor really needs to take a look at ...
# posted by : 3:49 PM
: 3:49 PM
yeah i saw that and, because its the same color as her hair, i actually thought she had an unbelievably nasty patch o pit hair.
# posted by : 4:25 PM
: 4:25 PM
I, too, thought it was some pit hair. C'mon ladies, don't prove the Meat Man wrong when it comes to hot tattoo stylings. This is just plaing wrong.
DB1, you are SO right about The Woo State. Tune into T.R.L. (is that even on anymore? Heck, what would I know...) and you'll hear it all the time. There's got to be a way from keeping these idiots from voting...gotta be!
If you are in the field performing a study, there is a method for drawing the Woo State out of all sufficiently prepared females en masse. One could wait around witnessing the occasional eruption of the Woo State, but even duck hunters, sitting in their blinds, will use artificial calls to bring their prey out in a single swoop. By prey, I mean subject of serious scholarly study.
The method was first introduced, inadvertantly I should add, on August 3rd, 1987. It was an afterthought song on the Def Leppard album "Pyromania".
Yes, you know it as Pour Some Sugar on Me, but scientists know it as a micro-level group dynamic trigger that is most effective on intoxicated females of practically any age.
When a group of females has been near alcohol for over an hour, the efficient field scrotologist will simply ask the DJ to play the dynamic trigger. Typically, a rumbling of bodies in motion and some quiet cheers will initially be heard, but by the first eponymous chorus of the song, all females who are prepared for mating will be observed to sing along, loudly and out of tune.
During the rap-like verses, many hotties will spontaneously enter the Woo State rather than attempt to sing along. The most easily targeted subjects will merely be able to sing the title and will fail to add the lead tags such as "C'mon fire me up" or "in the name of love." Though, even the most inebriated muffins can belt out "I'm HOT, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet." They tend to writhe and undulate suggestively during these moments.
Studies have shown that it is best to make the Red Cup Approach (preferably with Miller Lite) immediately after a chorus ends or during the middle eighth (or musical bridge). Be prepared though to lose social and psychological contact with the target hottie when the chorus roles back around.
Should you wind up dancing with hottie-and by all means that is a great way to score if you can-remember that a variety of 'bag hand gestures are typically thrown during "Do you take sugar? One lump or two?" You might want to try these to observe their effects.
Many scrotologists have successfully used this method to observe hottie/'bag action in the wild and, more likely, simply to bust a nut with a drunk little skank.
The method was first introduced, inadvertantly I should add, on August 3rd, 1987. It was an afterthought song on the Def Leppard album "Pyromania".
Yes, you know it as Pour Some Sugar on Me, but scientists know it as a micro-level group dynamic trigger that is most effective on intoxicated females of practically any age.
When a group of females has been near alcohol for over an hour, the efficient field scrotologist will simply ask the DJ to play the dynamic trigger. Typically, a rumbling of bodies in motion and some quiet cheers will initially be heard, but by the first eponymous chorus of the song, all females who are prepared for mating will be observed to sing along, loudly and out of tune.
During the rap-like verses, many hotties will spontaneously enter the Woo State rather than attempt to sing along. The most easily targeted subjects will merely be able to sing the title and will fail to add the lead tags such as "C'mon fire me up" or "in the name of love." Though, even the most inebriated muffins can belt out "I'm HOT, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet." They tend to writhe and undulate suggestively during these moments.
Studies have shown that it is best to make the Red Cup Approach (preferably with Miller Lite) immediately after a chorus ends or during the middle eighth (or musical bridge). Be prepared though to lose social and psychological contact with the target hottie when the chorus roles back around.
Should you wind up dancing with hottie-and by all means that is a great way to score if you can-remember that a variety of 'bag hand gestures are typically thrown during "Do you take sugar? One lump or two?" You might want to try these to observe their effects.
Many scrotologists have successfully used this method to observe hottie/'bag action in the wild and, more likely, simply to bust a nut with a drunk little skank.
# posted by : 5:36 AM
: 5:36 AM
Apologies for the misspelling. It is indeed the "w-o-o-o" state and not the "w-o-o" state. The double 'o' is a motion picture term for poetic slo-motion action sequences, while the other is a vile, debauched demonstration of inebriated hottie pre-coital ritual.
# posted by : 1:20 PM
: 1:20 PM
Baron Von Douchehausen's description was just genius. That oughtta wind up on Wikipedia or something! lol!
(Minor correction, though; the Def Leppard album in question was "Hysteria". Shame on me for knowing that...)
(Minor correction, though; the Def Leppard album in question was "Hysteria". Shame on me for knowing that...)
yeah the w-o-o state is usually performed by action stars, with a gun, rather than a shocker in each hand, and of course slo-mo doves in the background. This is also known by a phrase coined by homer simpson... "misdirected woo"
# posted by : 3:10 PM
: 3:10 PM
Yes, BVD is correct, I added the third "o" to the "Wooo State" intentionally to differentiate it from the "Woo State", which as Boingy observes is often found with a wincing Chow Yun Fat standing over the body of his best friend whom he was forced to kill because of his loyalty to his profession.
Thanks, iowabagslayer.
Of course, it's Hysteria. I completely screwed that pooch. I stopped listening after Pyromania, which came out 3 years earlier.
But, I could've said that I made an intentional mistake so that I didn't give away my own personal 'bag status. But, alas, I effed it up.
The "greasy line" between douchebag studies and douchebaggery itself is oh so thin and slick. It's a dangerous job and we're with the DB1 for the long haul.
Of course, it's Hysteria. I completely screwed that pooch. I stopped listening after Pyromania, which came out 3 years earlier.
But, I could've said that I made an intentional mistake so that I didn't give away my own personal 'bag status. But, alas, I effed it up.
The "greasy line" between douchebag studies and douchebaggery itself is oh so thin and slick. It's a dangerous job and we're with the DB1 for the long haul.
# posted by : 3:20 PM
: 3:20 PM
I believe what is seen here on the 'lady' in red a sub-genre of pseudo biker-chick body art - aka. the tit-tat.
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# posted by : 8:18 AM
: 8:18 AM << Home
