Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Douchinator
Is it just me or does this stubbly tool remind you of Michael Biehn, "Reese" in the first Terminator movie. But then if he's the douche Michael Biehn, that would make him the hero rather than the Douchinator, which will just ruin my attempts at making various obscure Terminator references.
Dammit.
And I was going to go with the whole young Bill Paxton punk, "Your Hotties, Give them to Me" angle. Toss in a solid "Laser Pulse Hair Gel with L.A. looks wax." "Hey, just what you see, pal." Maybe slip in a few "And he will not stop... until you are Bleethed!" lines. Then end with a rousing "You're Grieco'd, douchebag!"
Man I need to get out more often.
EDIT: Or I can just turn it over to metalmilitia from the comments thread:
ReeseBag: "There was a war. A few years from now. A war on douchebags. The whole thing. All this--"
ReeseBag gestures to the skeezy nightclub. He stops and points at a couple of lurkbags.
"--everything is gone. Just gone. There's no hair gel anywhere. No facial grease. Highlights are impossible to come by, as is Jesus bling and 'Bag tags. There were survivors. Here. There. Nobody knew who started it."
(pause)
"It was the DoucheHunters."
Hotties: "I don't understand."
ReeseBag: "Internet communications. Bloggers. Web designers. Hooked into everything. They saw the effect that the Grieco virus was having on women everywhere. They calculated that nearly 50% of the worlds cuties would be Bleethed to level 3 or worse by by 2020. They saw all douche bags as threats. Decided our fate in a microsecond. Extermination."
Well played, sir.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 2:06 PM 
Comments:
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The Versailles-garden facial pube manicure is, in direct disportion to the hotness of the geisha on the left, odius and disgraceful and yet strangely reminiscent of that homosexual deviant, George Michael.
ReeseBag
"There was a war. A few years from now. A war on douchebags. The whole thing. All this--"
ReeseBag gestures to the skeezy nightclub. He stops and points at a couple of lurkbags.
"--everything is gone. Just gone. There's no hair gel anywhere. No facial grease. Highlights are impossible to come by, as is Jesus bling and 'Bag tags. There were survivors. Here. There. Nobody knew who started it."
(pause)
"It was the DoucheHunters."
Hotties:
"I don't understand."
ReeseBag:
"Internet communications. Bloggers. Web designers. Hooked into everything. They saw the effect that the Grieco virus was having on women everywhere. They calculated that nearly 50% of the worlds cuties would be Bleethed to level 3 or worse by by 2020. They saw all douche bags as threats. Decided our fate in a microsecond. Extermination."
"There was a war. A few years from now. A war on douchebags. The whole thing. All this--"
ReeseBag gestures to the skeezy nightclub. He stops and points at a couple of lurkbags.
"--everything is gone. Just gone. There's no hair gel anywhere. No facial grease. Highlights are impossible to come by, as is Jesus bling and 'Bag tags. There were survivors. Here. There. Nobody knew who started it."
(pause)
"It was the DoucheHunters."
Hotties:
"I don't understand."
ReeseBag:
"Internet communications. Bloggers. Web designers. Hooked into everything. They saw the effect that the Grieco virus was having on women everywhere. They calculated that nearly 50% of the worlds cuties would be Bleethed to level 3 or worse by by 2020. They saw all douche bags as threats. Decided our fate in a microsecond. Extermination."
I kinda dig the vaguely Asian-looking chick. Nice, wide hips.
Michael Biehn is not a douche BTW.
Michael Biehn is not a douche BTW.
# posted by 
: 4:40 PM
: 4:40 PM
I think the Asian Sensation could pick clothes better suited to showing off her figure. But that little cutie on the right is just sparklingly good.
Is this scrote trying to "raise the roof" or is his invisible friend poking him in the back with a "gun"?
Is this scrote trying to "raise the roof" or is his invisible friend poking him in the back with a "gun"?
Hmmm...after witnessing some of the most retch-inducing cysts in this blog lately, this pouty urchin'bag is leaving me unfulfilled. The half-chinese hottie is ultra-foxy, though.
well, if there was such a war and we terminated most of the douchebags in the world (i'm quivering in my pants just thinking about that!), i think this bag would not be among our "prize catches". but, maybe i'm being unfair to him after all the HCwDs we've seen.
and besides, one douchebag exterminated is at least one hottie rescued. i'd do these any-port-in-a-storm types of hotties just fine.
and besides, one douchebag exterminated is at least one hottie rescued. i'd do these any-port-in-a-storm types of hotties just fine.
you made me laugh on a sunday morning...i didn't think that was possible. nice job DB1!
# posted by : 6:30 AM
: 6:30 AM
Astute observation. Reese, much like this assclown here, was a douchebag himself in the first movie. He used that whole story about the machines and their war on humans just so he can explore the inside of Sarah Connor's pants. What, he couldn't get any of those desparate, hunger stricken, refugee hotties in the future to hook up with him, so he built a fucking time machine to see if any bitches in the past would do the dirty deed with him? And on top of that, he still had to use that excuse "Uh, we kind of have to do this for the sake of mankind." How lame
Is there some special douche-gene that makes their facial hair grow in all douchey and George Michael looking?
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# posted by : 7:39 AM
: 7:39 AM << Home
