note to self, never go to New jersey.
 

Remember that Allen Greaseburg poem excerpt that I posted back in December or January? This is the kind of image that inspired Hurl.

The next section dealt with 'bags like these boys...

[continued from previous section of the poem]
(hotties) flailing searching for that new thing, the nail buffing, enamel bleaching, hair curling
change that will attract the attractive but will draw the questionable alley
dwellers of the fire escaped tenements along the shore,

who confuse smirks with attitude and shoes with fortune and drink their fizzy pissy beers
and smoke their filtered generic smokes and raise their collars to hide their hirsute
necks and backs,

laboring at small time crime or long days’ jobs and supporting cancerous mothers
or liver dead fathers or stray siblings while keeping the lights on and the pasta
boiling and the cigarettes lit and the beer cold,

who gathers with kindred soulless looking over painted sluts
and stained felt-covered slates gripping their sticks and hammering
frustrated blows in and out of corner and side pockets,

who drink fortified fuel at home and nurse beers in club after club after club watching
girls watching them through the smoky brain haze of reverberated tension
and dissonance,

who left school to fix cars with no tools but their own and no logic but that learned
in the yard, on the washed out stoops, on the chalked littered sidewalks
with only an instinct to rut and a love of oblivion,

who stole away the raven haired girl and never questioned the blood
or why she would cry over pleasured deeds and what made him stare
at her dainty thin ankles,

who mimicked pacino and bought his first bling at twelve and tilted his
cap to ensure his acceptance as a man,

who rode down low wrapped in sound felt and not heard rumbling the air turning the
heads, watching the struts of the seekers of him so misunderstood that he
couldn’t explain a thought from his gut,

who sleeps in a wife-beater and dirty boxers and changes into
speedos when clubbing on Fridays because the weekend is for poon
and everyone must score even if they say no they don’t mean it
deep in their loins they crave it and want it and he should give
it to them,

who drives to the beach on the weekends to lounge in sand on a threadbare towel
and drink cans of beer from a styrofoam cooler wearing mirrored sunglasses
and wearing a suit under cut-offs and the girls lay on stomachs
with bikini tops undone,


After that it meanders off to images of old, unhappy, bleethed out former hotties. It is a depressing thing. Just like these jersyguido photos.
 

Jesus Christ BVD! First you beat me to the Make-a-Wish punch by 10 seconds, and now I gotta follow this!?
Yer killin' me over here. Much like hottie on the left's smile. Why? Why must she be with a urine cocktail drinking douchebag? Why!? And she's packing a bowl in the middle of a club, no less. Sigh.
I'm sad now.
 

Is it just me, or does the hottie in the middle have no arms?
 

Ed, She's the only on ein the picture without red eyes. I think she's being held captive by the other Douchepyres.
 

+1 Douchepyres!

Her eyes are not red, because she has become mezmerized, the pic was snapped an instant before they all sprout fangs and sink them into her bared neck.

(fwiw, the kid in the previous pic is sad because he said 'I wanna TEDDY BEAR', not 'Titty Bar!")

--Vinny 'Splainin It' Scumbaglia
 

Well, it's almost my birthday, and middle HC looks gift-wrapped to perfection. She's almost looking at me like she wants to be rescued.

Left HC is very cute, with a girl next door kind of look. Right HC could be mistaken for Nina Hartley... if this was taken in 1992.

The douche brothers are hot! I mean look at them... their shirts are open and everything. It must be 90 degrees in there.
 

Their eyebrows are better taken care of than their high maintenance hos. I could imagine their conversation thus

Douche 1-Bro your Jesus bling is mad fly.

Douche 2-Word bro, we gonna get all tha fly honeys at the club. Make sure you unbutton your shirt all the way

Douche1 We are so pimps.

SkanderDouche
 

From left to right:
1) She's very cute and approachable looking, and I would consider cheating on my girlfriend to take a crack at her
2) I'm hearing Billy Bob Thorton's "Mmm hmmm" from his character in the movie "Slingblade".
3) I'm all for ethnic looking beauties, but she's just a tad bit too harsh for my tastes. My suspicion is there's a burka hanging in her closet at home.
4) Did he split a pair of earrings with his buddy? I don't think they're literally twins, but I bet there's a closeness between them; they've shared dicks with each other.
5) Sorry, over plucked eyebrows, the shadow of a mustache and an oily face do not a hottie make. Notice how she's outside the official circle? This chick is without a DOUBT the Fifth Wheel.
 

Not nearly as bad as the twin 'bags from last week. If they'd merely button up those shirts and discard that ridiculous bling, they might be decent human being. But probably not...
 

Those are big ifs mitch and you forgot that the one on the reader's right would also have to shave his chin pubes. Girl on the reader's left is an absolute keeper.
 

These guys actually seem happy to be there. They're dressed like tools naturally, but compared to the Almighty Twin Bags these guys are downright charming.
 

Huge fan of the word "fey." Thanks for working it in, DB1.
 

I haven't seen this much grease since the last pizza I ordered.
 

Would someone please put these animals back in the yard?
 

Doulde Meat McDouche Happy Meal happening there. Sure hope that piss-colored 'cocktail' McDouche #1 is holding is a barium isotope to clean the 'I Am the Shit of Coolness' turd that must be clogging his colon.
 

the girl on photo-left is an H'est of C's. I think she's packing a bowl so she can pretend she's not surrounded by buckets of scuzz.

Middle girl looks like a gypsy, and i will not even dignify the grease-poodle on the far right with a comment.
 

The MILF on the right scares the shit out of me. She doesn't suck-- she bites. And when we're talking oral satisfaction that ain't good.
 

Does the dude on the right have a lazy eye? And by "dude" I mean "douchebag".
 

that hottie in the middle is like a rose in a hurricane. i don't envy her position, although i do wanna fuck her.