Tuesday, May 29, 2007
HCwDB of the Week: Trenton Edition
Three enter. Only one advances.
Yes, 'bags, 'bag hunters, hotties and choadscrotes, before we get to the smorgasboard of new pics I have in the hopper for this week, it's time for the HCwDB of the Week contest. And we're going it Trenton Style. This week's 'bag-off features three surprisingly classic selections of hottie/douchey wrongness. Well, two classics. And one pic that's just, well, absolutely surreal. I speak, of course, of the legendary Oompa Prompa.
But I get ahead of myself. And by get ahead of myself I mean my shirt smells like moldy cheese. That's what I get for a three day weekend. Speaking of cheese, Lets get to the goods. And by goods, I mean cheese:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Syndrome
It's not just that he looks like a Pixar animated bad guy, or that his mug is smirking with the greased up chin stubbley half-grin we have long established on this site as what I like to call "Classic 'Bag." And like any classic, it still delivers. And be delivers I mean makes me slam my head in a car door. But it's not just his choady swill that makes this a worthy pic.
It's that tall glass of Hot Chocolate. Megods she makes my toenails curl.
Sexy dress, sweet smile. As always in the Weekly we must weigh both the douchitude of the douchebag and the arousing aroma of hotness. This pic has both. All that and a douchetacular wrist-band on Syndrome's "gun" hand. A worthy competitor for the Weekly, indeed.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Oompa Prompa
Oompa Prompa is very orange.
His visage is already iconic and legend here at HCwDB and will grow moreso with every spiked follicle.
And while I worry about contract hits on my life for featuring potentially "connected" offspring on the site, I'll console myself with the fact that Tony Soprano seems to have a pretty good sense of self deprecating humor. And since I believe everything I see on T.V., I'm going to assume others have that same ability to laugh at all things douchey, even the self inflicted kind.
So again, please do not hurt me. I have deep and profound respect for New Jersey. I'm a huge douchebag myself, only without hot chick. Do not seek violent retribution on my face. Instead, pity me. For I am Douchebag #1.
That being said, Orange. Orange.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Luck of the Baggish
Frost-tipped Douchey Charms, they're Baggishly delicious!
It seems like all three of our 'bags this week have left the realm of realistic human portrayal and entered a new zone. The only word for it is the "Douchetoon Zone." They've slipped off the reservation and gone into pure drawn character mode.
'Baggish is fantastic Jersey shore A-List scroad. The type that even Bruce Springsteen couldn't write a nostalgic song about. Hottie on the right may be inflated, but has a sweet smile and looks like the type I could discuss Proust with over a glass of Pino Noir. And by Pino, I mean something something.
So there's they are. Which'll it be? 'Baggish? Oompa? Or Syndrome?Line 'em up, and pick one.
I put it to you, Greg. Isn't this an indictment of our entire American douchebaggery? Yes. Yes it is.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Yes, 'bags, 'bag hunters, hotties and choadscrotes, before we get to the smorgasboard of new pics I have in the hopper for this week, it's time for the HCwDB of the Week contest. And we're going it Trenton Style. This week's 'bag-off features three surprisingly classic selections of hottie/douchey wrongness. Well, two classics. And one pic that's just, well, absolutely surreal. I speak, of course, of the legendary Oompa Prompa.
But I get ahead of myself. And by get ahead of myself I mean my shirt smells like moldy cheese. That's what I get for a three day weekend. Speaking of cheese, Lets get to the goods. And by goods, I mean cheese:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Syndrome
It's not just that he looks like a Pixar animated bad guy, or that his mug is smirking with the greased up chin stubbley half-grin we have long established on this site as what I like to call "Classic 'Bag." And like any classic, it still delivers. And be delivers I mean makes me slam my head in a car door. But it's not just his choady swill that makes this a worthy pic.
It's that tall glass of Hot Chocolate. Megods she makes my toenails curl.
Sexy dress, sweet smile. As always in the Weekly we must weigh both the douchitude of the douchebag and the arousing aroma of hotness. This pic has both. All that and a douchetacular wrist-band on Syndrome's "gun" hand. A worthy competitor for the Weekly, indeed.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Oompa Prompa
Oompa Prompa is very orange.
His visage is already iconic and legend here at HCwDB and will grow moreso with every spiked follicle.
And while I worry about contract hits on my life for featuring potentially "connected" offspring on the site, I'll console myself with the fact that Tony Soprano seems to have a pretty good sense of self deprecating humor. And since I believe everything I see on T.V., I'm going to assume others have that same ability to laugh at all things douchey, even the self inflicted kind.
So again, please do not hurt me. I have deep and profound respect for New Jersey. I'm a huge douchebag myself, only without hot chick. Do not seek violent retribution on my face. Instead, pity me. For I am Douchebag #1.
That being said, Orange. Orange.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Luck of the Baggish
Frost-tipped Douchey Charms, they're Baggishly delicious!
It seems like all three of our 'bags this week have left the realm of realistic human portrayal and entered a new zone. The only word for it is the "Douchetoon Zone." They've slipped off the reservation and gone into pure drawn character mode.
'Baggish is fantastic Jersey shore A-List scroad. The type that even Bruce Springsteen couldn't write a nostalgic song about. Hottie on the right may be inflated, but has a sweet smile and looks like the type I could discuss Proust with over a glass of Pino Noir. And by Pino, I mean something something.
So there's they are. Which'll it be? 'Baggish? Oompa? Or Syndrome?Line 'em up, and pick one.
I put it to you, Greg. Isn't this an indictment of our entire American douchebaggery? Yes. Yes it is.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:02 AM 
Comments:
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I am not going to wax poetic this week. Ooompa Loompa is another I show people who dont even look at this site. Instant Classic.
SkanderDouche
SkanderDouche
# posted by 
: 7:48 AM
: 7:48 AM
I have to vote for #2 as well... if but for nothing other than his future 'Bag potential. Lets face it, this orange scrote has already taken us to a place where we are having to rethink the boundaries of 'Baggism. He is a 'Bag's 'Bag. A new hybrid douche with unlimited potential.
'Choadasaursous Rex
'Choadasaursous Rex
# posted by : 7:54 AM
: 7:54 AM
I have to go with # 3.....You can barely see anything in Oompa so how do you know if the girls are even hot? So # 3 gets my vote because he's Donkey's cousin!
# posted by : 8:06 AM
: 8:06 AM
Oompa Prompa reminds us all of the serious consequences of bag breeding. He has no choice in life; his selfish genes had already determined his bag factor at conception. He is Darwin's douche.
His father's years of exposure to the toxic cocktail of chemicals found in his axe body spray, bronzing lotion, synthentic human growth hormone, and hair gel unknowingly mutated his man seed; Oompa Prompa being the unfortunate result.
Now lets sit back and let natural selection thin out this abomination!
His father's years of exposure to the toxic cocktail of chemicals found in his axe body spray, bronzing lotion, synthentic human growth hormone, and hair gel unknowingly mutated his man seed; Oompa Prompa being the unfortunate result.
Now lets sit back and let natural selection thin out this abomination!
# posted by : 8:14 AM
: 8:14 AM
(btw, for the uninitiated, it's prounounced "Treh'in").
Syndrome has some classic chops, including workmanlike douchelips... but... he's not orange.
Yes, the Baggish is orange, and sporting douchelips like a half-melted plumber's helper, and accompanying HCs are H despite synthetic augmentations... and he strains at the envelope of hyperreality.
Because I looked at something on wikipedia, and have decided that hyperreality is what the DB phenomenon is all about. And so...
The Oompa Prompa is hyperreality at it's most disturbing. There is a definite goal here, an ascendant aesthetic has been targeted, and definite set of rules in play that transcend baseline reality's operation. But I am disturbed otherwise, in that... well, the HCs aren't that H.
SO,
the Baggish pulls it.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
Syndrome has some classic chops, including workmanlike douchelips... but... he's not orange.
Yes, the Baggish is orange, and sporting douchelips like a half-melted plumber's helper, and accompanying HCs are H despite synthetic augmentations... and he strains at the envelope of hyperreality.
Because I looked at something on wikipedia, and have decided that hyperreality is what the DB phenomenon is all about. And so...
The Oompa Prompa is hyperreality at it's most disturbing. There is a definite goal here, an ascendant aesthetic has been targeted, and definite set of rules in play that transcend baseline reality's operation. But I am disturbed otherwise, in that... well, the HCs aren't that H.
SO,
the Baggish pulls it.
--Vinny Scumbaglia
# posted by : 8:18 AM
: 8:18 AM
gotta go with Luck of the Baggish.....The cleavite is the overall deciding factor.....
Also, I agree with Doc....after enlarging the Oompa picture the girls look like a bunch of hood rats.....the dudes are too young to even know better.....
Also, I agree with Doc....after enlarging the Oompa picture the girls look like a bunch of hood rats.....the dudes are too young to even know better.....
# posted by : 8:19 AM
: 8:19 AM
I want to vote for Syndrome, but he's just everyday douche. I cast my vote for #2, Oompa Prompa. The clothing, the hair, and the complexion. His 'baggery defies comprehension, due to, as one of my esteemed colleagues put it, his 'unlimited potential'.
#2
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
#2
-D'Ouchetagnan the Doucheketeer
# posted by : 8:19 AM
: 8:19 AM
The way I see it, #2 isn't entirely convinced that his Can O' Tan experiment is a success. The sideways glare definitely carries anadouchity in it, but I smell regret mingling with the Tsunami. Perhaps more photos from the prom itself would sway my vote.
Syndrome however is TOTALLY on board the doucheville express and he's laminating his ticket to proudly show to his future douchespring. His hot chick is also clearly 'hot' (she's the one at the end of his pointer finger) which I think adds to the mystique.
#3 is right out of it 'cause he's clearly gay and so takes no pride in his headbuttees.
S'all #1.
Syndrome however is TOTALLY on board the doucheville express and he's laminating his ticket to proudly show to his future douchespring. His hot chick is also clearly 'hot' (she's the one at the end of his pointer finger) which I think adds to the mystique.
#3 is right out of it 'cause he's clearly gay and so takes no pride in his headbuttees.
S'all #1.
# posted by : 8:20 AM
: 8:20 AM
Ooompa is getting votes over Bagish? Thats absurd!
Obviously, my vote goes to # 3....this guy is pure scum
Johnny Utah Douche___
Obviously, my vote goes to # 3....this guy is pure scum
Johnny Utah Douche___
# posted by : 8:21 AM
: 8:21 AM
Hahahaha those chicks in #2 are girls I MIGHT bang at 2 am after mucho tequila!
# 1 girl is very tasty, but my vote goes to # 3.....those babies are built for speed and comfort!
# 1 girl is very tasty, but my vote goes to # 3.....those babies are built for speed and comfort!
# posted by : 8:23 AM
: 8:23 AM
dispute the hotness of the the ladies in pick #2 all you want, but Oompa Prompa gets my vote. based solely on this reason:
he left the house that night thinking to himself "oh yeah. i look good. i look real good."
if we get more pictures of this kid uploaded to HCwDB, he's on his way to the HoS for sure. mark my words. mark his hair. mark his suit. mark his orange skin color.
he left the house that night thinking to himself "oh yeah. i look good. i look real good."
if we get more pictures of this kid uploaded to HCwDB, he's on his way to the HoS for sure. mark my words. mark his hair. mark his suit. mark his orange skin color.
The grease from these 3 is clogging up my laptop, which make all 3 worthy of HCwDB of the Week honors.
Syndrome is the winner. He has it all in the details. The double hand gestures. The bling. The hair. The wristband. The Chinese character ripped t-shirt. The tats. The seemingly glossed up pursed up lips. And finally, THE POSE!! My God, the pose is what brings it all together. It's the "I'm a douchebag and can prove it with this look" and said pose it struck in mili-seconds. Oh yes, it is Syndrome. He. Has. It. All!
Oompa has the hair and the orange. However, no gestures and that vacant gaze makes me think he's a mutant and will be devoured as an appetizer by Douche Lee later this week.
#3 comes very, very close to Syndrome. I could sell advertising on that chin and retire a millionaire. While he gets extra points for the double earring deal and extra bling, we don't get to see the whole picture.
Syndrome gets my vote.
Syndrome is the winner. He has it all in the details. The double hand gestures. The bling. The hair. The wristband. The Chinese character ripped t-shirt. The tats. The seemingly glossed up pursed up lips. And finally, THE POSE!! My God, the pose is what brings it all together. It's the "I'm a douchebag and can prove it with this look" and said pose it struck in mili-seconds. Oh yes, it is Syndrome. He. Has. It. All!
Oompa has the hair and the orange. However, no gestures and that vacant gaze makes me think he's a mutant and will be devoured as an appetizer by Douche Lee later this week.
#3 comes very, very close to Syndrome. I could sell advertising on that chin and retire a millionaire. While he gets extra points for the double earring deal and extra bling, we don't get to see the whole picture.
Syndrome gets my vote.
# posted by : 8:32 AM
: 8:32 AM
#2--
hopefully, by the time Blue Hottie goes to college this fall,
she will see the error of hers ways and give me a call
hopefully, by the time Blue Hottie goes to college this fall,
she will see the error of hers ways and give me a call
# posted by : 8:52 AM
: 8:52 AM
Dude, isn't the guy in #3 Donkey Douche? I mean, he's got the same "mouth" pose as DD, and the same freakishly large lips. I just have this urge to slap him on the forehead. Sad I think more about that than the hottie on the right who bears a striking resemblance to the San Onofre nuclear power station...DB1, you know what I'm talkin' about.
Unchecked aggression I guess.
Unchecked aggression I guess.
While one and three are strong candidates, oompa loompa bag takes the cake. To exhibit such strong douchebaggery at such a young age is truly exceptional.
#2
#2
# posted by : 9:19 AM
: 9:19 AM
Exploding Orange Bag has the potential, but he needs more training.
Syndrome is your wiener!
He may not have the home run power of Orangie, but he's clearly batting 300.
-X
Syndrome is your wiener!
He may not have the home run power of Orangie, but he's clearly batting 300.
-X
Oompa, because I sent that pic to a girl in my office(without commentary I might add) and her response was "Is that an Oompa douche?" Even outsiders know that guy is a douche.
-Beelzebag
-Beelzebag
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
I give it to #3. Baggish, indeed. There's something self-deprecating and jokey in the way he's posing--it's almost an homage to Donkey Douche--but his pendant, jacket, earrings, and general douchey look surpasses his sense of humor. A douchebag who's kidding around and trying to look douchey is still a douchebag.
Oompa Prompa is douchey, but too damn young to be taken seriously. High school douchebaggery is somewhat forgivable, because, Jesus, who wasn't a douche in high school? He might look back at that picture with the same scorn and disgust with which we now shower it. Let's hope so, anyway.
I get the feeling Syndrome is gay. I'm not gay, but my gaydar is pretty good, and I'd put money on it. Again, there seems to be a self-conscious attempt to TRY and be douchey. I don't think you can be a gay douchebag. I just don't think it's possible. You can be gay and have all kinds of other faults, but I don't think you can be a gay douchebag in the classic sense of the term. So you get a pass, my big, gay, retarded friend.
Oompa Prompa is douchey, but too damn young to be taken seriously. High school douchebaggery is somewhat forgivable, because, Jesus, who wasn't a douche in high school? He might look back at that picture with the same scorn and disgust with which we now shower it. Let's hope so, anyway.
I get the feeling Syndrome is gay. I'm not gay, but my gaydar is pretty good, and I'd put money on it. Again, there seems to be a self-conscious attempt to TRY and be douchey. I don't think you can be a gay douchebag. I just don't think it's possible. You can be gay and have all kinds of other faults, but I don't think you can be a gay douchebag in the classic sense of the term. So you get a pass, my big, gay, retarded friend.
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
#2 Oompa Loompa for sure. Pfah summed it up best by saying...
"Oompa Prompa gets my vote. based solely on this reason:
he left the house that night thinking to himself "oh yeah. i look good. i look real good."
Exactly.
1 looks like an older number 3, so they almost cancel each other out
"Oompa Prompa gets my vote. based solely on this reason:
he left the house that night thinking to himself "oh yeah. i look good. i look real good."
Exactly.
1 looks like an older number 3, so they almost cancel each other out
Oyyyyy...Gonna have to go with #2. I don't care if you all think the high school chicks aren't that hot. They are a million times better looking than this dude. Maybe I'll have a Christmas party and make him dye his hair orange and run around singing the Heat Miser song.
On a side note, if any of you missed the latest comments in the "Sunday Stan" photo, go check out "so fain's" post. Bonnadouchey's response made my appearance at work worth it today. Only the true gems come from the douches themselves.
On a side note, if any of you missed the latest comments in the "Sunday Stan" photo, go check out "so fain's" post. Bonnadouchey's response made my appearance at work worth it today. Only the true gems come from the douches themselves.
#2 is the winner. I believe he should be honored with an entire wing in the Hall of Scrote. He is a legend. This young man displays nothing less than pure excellence in the field of douche. Bravo!
# posted by : 10:24 AM
: 10:24 AM
In Syndrome's case I feel more sorry for hottie than hate for him. He must have terrible neck pain from wielding that Macy's-parade-float noggin all day.
Oompa is just hysterical. WTF.
Since I have the urge to punch the Baggish choad, as unscientific as that sounds, I'll give him my vote. Judging by his facial expression, he has a leprechaun up his ass.
Finalist #3
dogboy
Oompa is just hysterical. WTF.
Since I have the urge to punch the Baggish choad, as unscientific as that sounds, I'll give him my vote. Judging by his facial expression, he has a leprechaun up his ass.
Finalist #3
dogboy
# posted by : 10:25 AM
: 10:25 AM
It appears to be underage douche, yet the hideous crime against nature, the personification of abstract expressionism, that is Oompa Prompa cannot be denied the title.
Are the other scrotes deserving? Oh yeah, I can smell Trenton through the screen. The hotties all have superb pearlies, too. Bonus!
But all things remotely natural pale in comparison to the pink-jacketed, orange tool with the cauliflower hairdo. Hell, he overshadows his leathery-skinned colleague who looks like a budding bag is in own right. Hotties are fine enought to count (unless they are under 18 then they look like handsome schoolgirls who would do well to return home early and study for finals.)
Are the other scrotes deserving? Oh yeah, I can smell Trenton through the screen. The hotties all have superb pearlies, too. Bonus!
But all things remotely natural pale in comparison to the pink-jacketed, orange tool with the cauliflower hairdo. Hell, he overshadows his leathery-skinned colleague who looks like a budding bag is in own right. Hotties are fine enought to count (unless they are under 18 then they look like handsome schoolgirls who would do well to return home early and study for finals.)
Carrot top. I give him a 98 because you can dance on it.
BTW is that an earring in his left lobe or just an extension of the RV?
BTW is that an earring in his left lobe or just an extension of the RV?
# posted by : 10:48 AM
: 10:48 AM
#2, you really need a close up/crop of oompa loompa, that pic has had me laughing since i first saw it
# posted by : 10:56 AM
: 10:56 AM
Very hard to make an instant choice this week..But Orange Oompa Prompa is really unique and deserves the title!
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
WELL LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A WASTED VOTE, BUT THE GIRLS IN THE PROM PICTURES ARE JUST NOT HOT. THEY'RE NOT EVEN ATTRACTIVE.....
ARE WE FORGETTING WHAT THIS SITE'S ABOUT? HOT CHICKS FACTOR IN TO THE DECISION.....AT LEAST FOR US OLD HEADS WHO'VE BEEN ON HERE SINCE LAST YEAR.....
#3
ARE WE FORGETTING WHAT THIS SITE'S ABOUT? HOT CHICKS FACTOR IN TO THE DECISION.....AT LEAST FOR US OLD HEADS WHO'VE BEEN ON HERE SINCE LAST YEAR.....
#3
# posted by : 11:24 AM
: 11:24 AM
Gotta go with Syndrome.
I agree largely with the logic set forth above by Pennsylvania Douche. Yes, the Oompa is amazing, but he is a young enough baggling that he may (improbably, but may) yet see the error of his ways and repent.
Syndrome, on the other hand, is in. All the way in. Hook, line, sinker, and god-damn marlin in.
I agree largely with the logic set forth above by Pennsylvania Douche. Yes, the Oompa is amazing, but he is a young enough baggling that he may (improbably, but may) yet see the error of his ways and repent.
Syndrome, on the other hand, is in. All the way in. Hook, line, sinker, and god-damn marlin in.
# posted by : 12:19 PM
: 12:19 PM
Honestly, I think pumpkin douche has them all beat. The douche-to-hotness quotient in that pic is utterly perfect. That brunette on the left is buttery and delicious, and she's as bangable as the huge-headed wannabe pick-up artist is douchey.
# posted by : 12:28 PM
: 12:28 PM
Donkey Douche and all his barnyard offspring have already been banned from future consideration by constitutional decree, therefore there is no Luck of the Baggish.
As for Syndrome, he's a qualified weekly winner based largely on his douchiness and a rarified hottie. Problem is, Oompa is the freakiest thing this side of Alpha Centauri.
Like Serpentor, Oompa is a hybrid of several historical greats: Socrates and Orange Bag combined for some geneological discoloration and White Chocolate and Pin Diesel collaborated on the hair/outfit. Unlike the mushrooms in Super Mario, this fungus doesn't provide life or fireballs--quite the opposite: he shoots seed that's inured with the great douchebags who've come before him.
And so he wins this week.
As for Syndrome, he's a qualified weekly winner based largely on his douchiness and a rarified hottie. Problem is, Oompa is the freakiest thing this side of Alpha Centauri.
Like Serpentor, Oompa is a hybrid of several historical greats: Socrates and Orange Bag combined for some geneological discoloration and White Chocolate and Pin Diesel collaborated on the hair/outfit. Unlike the mushrooms in Super Mario, this fungus doesn't provide life or fireballs--quite the opposite: he shoots seed that's inured with the great douchebags who've come before him.
And so he wins this week.
Can no one else (apart from one or two other posters) see that #3 is actually Donkey Douche? Why, out of the numerous comments on this and his original thread, are there less than a handful of posts addressing this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. But seriously, this should be resolved, as I do not see how we can run a HOS entry against mere mortals (although, ironically, I think he's not winning at this point). Can we get some type of direct confirmation/denial of the Donk identity by whomever submitted the pic?
(I just sawy BMT's post, so maybe we are making progress on this issue. But I don't want to disqualify an otherwise worthy opponent on mere surmise. Have we no solid evidence?)
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. But seriously, this should be resolved, as I do not see how we can run a HOS entry against mere mortals (although, ironically, I think he's not winning at this point). Can we get some type of direct confirmation/denial of the Donk identity by whomever submitted the pic?
(I just sawy BMT's post, so maybe we are making progress on this issue. But I don't want to disqualify an otherwise worthy opponent on mere surmise. Have we no solid evidence?)
Oompa Prompa for the block. While he has the least hot chick (and by least hot I mean looks like her mother was half-rodent - look at that face), his douchitude is so overpowering I had to turn down the contrast on my monitor. By the way, at night I dream of putting his carrot-colored face through this:
http://www.instawares.com/mr-peely-manual.eld-mp60250.0.7.htm
~DBA (Douchebag's Anonymous)
http://www.instawares.com/mr-peely-manual.eld-mp60250.0.7.htm
~DBA (Douchebag's Anonymous)
# posted by : 12:47 PM
: 12:47 PM
art of the douche - I'm with you. If #3 is The Donk then he really shouldn't be here, slummin' it with the peons. (And by peons, I mean I wouldn't cross the street to pee on any of these douches if they were on fire).
But if he's NOT The Donk, then we need to know! I can't decide until this question is settled!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
But if he's NOT The Donk, then we need to know! I can't decide until this question is settled!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
# posted by : 12:48 PM
: 12:48 PM
#2 all the way. If he wasn't orange, he could still win with the pink and blue tuxedo and spiked hair. It would be a slam-dunk if the girls in the picture weren't skanky.
# posted by : 12:48 PM
: 12:48 PM
there's no way that #3 is The Donk. maybe a VERY distant cousin, but the Donk has an amazing butt-chin that is rivaled by no other. this guy has no such chin. therefore, not The Donk. besides, The Donk prefers animal print shirts. case closed.
Although the hot chick factor almost gives Syndrome the victory, the overwhelming hilarity provided by the Oompa Prompa deserves special recognition. This goes well beyond innate douche and represents an oeuvre borne of a passion that should possess all worthy douche competitors. The fantastic tan that would allow him to hide like a chameleon in a orange grove, the impressively retro-Miami Vice pastel color combination of pink and blue, and the successful execution of the fabled "Hair of Exploding Douche" that has claimed the lives of less adept douches trying to wield its awesome power.
Oompa Prompa, doopity-doo, we have a special honor for you. HCwDB of the Week.
Oompa Prompa, doopity-doo, we have a special honor for you. HCwDB of the Week.
I don't think Baggish is The Donk. He has a different hairstlye and he's missing his usual delectable consort. Those two always photographed themselves together. They went together like peas and carrots or like...hot chicks and douchebags.
Oh, #2 for the win. Instant classic.
Oh, #2 for the win. Instant classic.
#1 has the hottest of the hotties.
#3 is by far the biggest pure douchebag. By pure, I mean slippery when greased.
But I have to go with #2 Ooompa strictly on shock value. How can a 'bag be so utterly oblivious to the striking ridiculousness of his appearance? Jesus Christ Superstar in a hand-basket.
That's one for Ooompa.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
#3 is by far the biggest pure douchebag. By pure, I mean slippery when greased.
But I have to go with #2 Ooompa strictly on shock value. How can a 'bag be so utterly oblivious to the striking ridiculousness of his appearance? Jesus Christ Superstar in a hand-basket.
That's one for Ooompa.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 12:59 PM
: 12:59 PM
Unless he has seen Dr. 90210 and has his chin dimple removed, this is not Donkey Douche. Also, the Donk always appears with his ambiguously-Persian girl and either sleeveless or animal print shirts (as pfah notes).
The recessive ass chin gene skips a generation so, as I noted upthread, this is likely one of Donk's offspring.
The recessive ass chin gene skips a generation so, as I noted upthread, this is likely one of Donk's offspring.
My vote is for oompa. Seriously. His HC is kinda fran drescher but his sheer Douchebagginess outweighs that. He could be with rosie o'donnell and still be the hugest douchebag.
# posted by : 1:05 PM
: 1:05 PM
His. Head. Is. Orange.
A deep. purpley. orange.
His hair is nerf-football shaped.
Science cannot yet explain this phenomenon, but early warning signs include a marked affinity to hair gel, Tag body spray, man-cessories, and the urge to use the phrases, "mad fly," and, "yo."
This week i tip my hat to you, oh oompa loompa 'bag. For you truly look, mad fly. yo.
A deep. purpley. orange.
His hair is nerf-football shaped.
Science cannot yet explain this phenomenon, but early warning signs include a marked affinity to hair gel, Tag body spray, man-cessories, and the urge to use the phrases, "mad fly," and, "yo."
This week i tip my hat to you, oh oompa loompa 'bag. For you truly look, mad fly. yo.
Another week, another debate between classic douche and exotic/novelty douche. Although I most always lean towards classic 'baggery, this time I can't help but vote for the Oompa Prompa 'bag. It's just mind boggling that he thinks it's acceptable to look like this. And that he put so much time and effort into looking like this. And I'm sure he thinks he's hot shit and he looks good. We really need to get some other pictures of this guy. It's prom, there has to be a ton of them out there.
# posted by : 2:06 PM
: 2:06 PM
#2
He's bagging outside in broad daylight. He's not hiding in a dark club like the other bags. He's proud of his orange color. He's BRIGHT ORANGE, people! Ok I've already said too much..anyone with eyes will vote for his unique majesty.
He's bagging outside in broad daylight. He's not hiding in a dark club like the other bags. He's proud of his orange color. He's BRIGHT ORANGE, people! Ok I've already said too much..anyone with eyes will vote for his unique majesty.
Okay, you guys have swayed my vote. Consider me a douche swing-voter. I'm changing my vote to Oompa Orange Prodigy Douche.
But I still think Pumpkindouche beats them all. He is sublime.
But I still think Pumpkindouche beats them all. He is sublime.
# posted by : 2:24 PM
: 2:24 PM
Definitely the Prom Oompah, #2, that is one fucked up tan and he is one fucked up Bag'O'Douche...
Hottie of the Week to the air bags on #3's left, mmmmmmmmmm...
Don Juan de la Douche
Hottie of the Week to the air bags on #3's left, mmmmmmmmmm...
Don Juan de la Douche
# posted by : 2:29 PM
: 2:29 PM
OOOMPA M-Fing PROMPA!!! Yeah, his chick isn't too hot, but the friggin guy is orange!!! And he's wearing a Pink Jacket!!!
Sydrome Douche would be a close runner up, just because of his armband. #3 is just flat gay!
Sydrome Douche would be a close runner up, just because of his armband. #3 is just flat gay!
Syndrome: Looks like he's got semi-pro skills in 'bagsport, but for some reason he also looks like he could snap out of it and go back to being a normal dude with model looks and big muscles. Unless he's totally stupid. Unfortunately, there's no way to know. What I do know is that his leopard-skinned kitty cat scratches me in the right places and I need to feed her my meow mix.
Oompa Prompa: When you look at him, imagine you're watching a special on the Discovery Science Channel about a new species of douche that has 'bagologists stumped and amazed. Though he's young, he's dangerous. And orange. With a pink jacket. And an oriental fan hairdo. If his color was indeed a mistake, rest assured that he’d try again and again and again until he got it right. And by right, I mean wrong. His chick is a compact and svelte little piece of well-endowed hopefully-eighteen-because-I'm-talking-about-her goodness.
Baggish: I'm with Art of the Douche on this one. Hear me out: When considering if this is or isn't the Donk, the shirt, hairstyle, and the females shouldn't be part of the equation. The only things that should matter are facial structure and any identifying features found therein. Consider the following list of things to note: lines and recesses in the skin surrounding the eyes, space between the eyes, forehead structure, hairline, nose length, nostril width, lip width and shape, lower jaw angle, and chin protrusion. Normally I would say eye color, but he's got the demon eyes in this one. In other words, think in terms of biometrics. So many of these features are similar between the two, but what convinces me that this is probably the Donkeroo are the forehead protrusions over the eyes, the jawline and size of the chin, the mouth width, and most importantly the infamous face meat on either corner of his upper lip. His butt-chin was more like a peehole-chin and could easily be made to disappear with the kind of lumpy scrunching we see here. So I can't vote for him.
Oompa Prompa. Mr. Orange. Doucheus Rediculosis.
Oompa Prompa: When you look at him, imagine you're watching a special on the Discovery Science Channel about a new species of douche that has 'bagologists stumped and amazed. Though he's young, he's dangerous. And orange. With a pink jacket. And an oriental fan hairdo. If his color was indeed a mistake, rest assured that he’d try again and again and again until he got it right. And by right, I mean wrong. His chick is a compact and svelte little piece of well-endowed hopefully-eighteen-because-I'm-talking-about-her goodness.
Baggish: I'm with Art of the Douche on this one. Hear me out: When considering if this is or isn't the Donk, the shirt, hairstyle, and the females shouldn't be part of the equation. The only things that should matter are facial structure and any identifying features found therein. Consider the following list of things to note: lines and recesses in the skin surrounding the eyes, space between the eyes, forehead structure, hairline, nose length, nostril width, lip width and shape, lower jaw angle, and chin protrusion. Normally I would say eye color, but he's got the demon eyes in this one. In other words, think in terms of biometrics. So many of these features are similar between the two, but what convinces me that this is probably the Donkeroo are the forehead protrusions over the eyes, the jawline and size of the chin, the mouth width, and most importantly the infamous face meat on either corner of his upper lip. His butt-chin was more like a peehole-chin and could easily be made to disappear with the kind of lumpy scrunching we see here. So I can't vote for him.
Oompa Prompa. Mr. Orange. Doucheus Rediculosis.
# posted by : 4:03 PM
: 4:03 PM
Wow. It looks like it's gonna be Oompa Prompa for the win.
I have to vote for him just because if I don't, his orange head and pink tuxedo coat will haunt me. Forever.
I have to vote for him just because if I don't, his orange head and pink tuxedo coat will haunt me. Forever.
That is not Donkey. Not even close. Donkey is perfection. This is just a little gay douchebag pretending to be Donkey. He's probably seen this site.
# posted by : 4:20 PM
: 4:20 PM
wow....all these pouty mutherfuckers make me wanna vomit.
sheesh i am glad i live in the middle of nowhere.....all the rednecks are more than enough to contend with...i couldn't deal with these fuckstains face to bag.
i vote for syndrome. that douche-slinger is appalling ...and that girl is one of the sweetest sights i've beheld.
i'm gunna go rub one out ...her collarbones are too much.
sheesh i am glad i live in the middle of nowhere.....all the rednecks are more than enough to contend with...i couldn't deal with these fuckstains face to bag.
i vote for syndrome. that douche-slinger is appalling ...and that girl is one of the sweetest sights i've beheld.
i'm gunna go rub one out ...her collarbones are too much.
# posted by : 4:23 PM
: 4:23 PM
the profundity of oompa prompa's doucheness compensates for-- no, transcends-- any lack of hotness on the part of the attendant chicks.
#2, hands down.
-rabbit
#2, hands down.
-rabbit
# posted by : 4:51 PM
: 4:51 PM
#2 has all the trappings of douchiness: orange face, spike hair, smug look, preened suit in a way that suggests he actually takes prom seriously, etc. However, true douchiness is meticulously crafted--honed to a fine art, on purpose. Nobody, not even a giant douche, would consider that face to be anything other than a chemical accident.
My vote, therefore, is #3. What puts him over the top of the smugness of his douchitude. If he's not gay, he's CERTAIN that he's getting laid. That bastard.
My vote, therefore, is #3. What puts him over the top of the smugness of his douchitude. If he's not gay, he's CERTAIN that he's getting laid. That bastard.
# posted by : 4:59 PM
: 4:59 PM
Tough picks this week and my first voter participation at HCwDB.
We can note, as apparently several have, that Oompa Prompa is at the beginning stages of douche (yet somehow already way beyond douche) and therefore might be shamed into normalcy.
Syndrome has a fierce gun hand (perhaps the fastest on the Jersey shore) yet Douche #3 has the hottest hotness. Mmmmm.
Call me naive but I still believe in the effort to save our fellow douches. I vote Oompa Prompa- apparently spiked orange isn't just for prom punch anymore.
Then again, what do I know, I'm only pre-law... or is it pre-med?
We can note, as apparently several have, that Oompa Prompa is at the beginning stages of douche (yet somehow already way beyond douche) and therefore might be shamed into normalcy.
Syndrome has a fierce gun hand (perhaps the fastest on the Jersey shore) yet Douche #3 has the hottest hotness. Mmmmm.
Call me naive but I still believe in the effort to save our fellow douches. I vote Oompa Prompa- apparently spiked orange isn't just for prom punch anymore.
Then again, what do I know, I'm only pre-law... or is it pre-med?
No disrespect to anyone picking 1 or 3 (and no respect to 1 or 3 themselves), but posterity demands that we elect Oompa. Not giving him HCwDB of the Week would be like not giving Lou Gehrig's Disease to Lou Gehrig.
# posted by : 6:51 PM
: 6:51 PM
I normally vote for classic douchebag w/hotchick for the HCwDBotW. And Syndrome has all the DB tricks down pat. The HC is the H-est of all the Cs.
That said... Oompa Prompa has got to win HCwDBotW. He's a mind-boggling array of clashing bright colors and, while not doing anything particularly douchey, the fact that he left the house looking like that - hell, the fact that anyone around allowed him to leave the house - must get its props.
So, to soothe my mind for voting against the expressed rules of the contest... the girl on the far right, I think, qualifies for hot. (Unless of course she's under 18 yadda yadda...) Since he is a DB with an HC in the pic... Oompa Prompa for my vote.
That said... Oompa Prompa has got to win HCwDBotW. He's a mind-boggling array of clashing bright colors and, while not doing anything particularly douchey, the fact that he left the house looking like that - hell, the fact that anyone around allowed him to leave the house - must get its props.
So, to soothe my mind for voting against the expressed rules of the contest... the girl on the far right, I think, qualifies for hot. (Unless of course she's under 18 yadda yadda...) Since he is a DB with an HC in the pic... Oompa Prompa for my vote.
Fair points all, about the Donk. I just needed to get some other viewpoints on the issue. I still see a striking similarity in the overall face structure (not to mention the iconic lip purse), but it appears to be a moot point because Douchello di Orangetini is running away with the contest like it's the last tube of fake-tanning cream on the planet.
Syndrome gets it. Oompa is more ridiculous than bag, and I cannot adequately size up the HC factor. Plus, the kid's in high school. They're all douchebags anyway.
#3 is Donkey Douche and has already had the jersey retired. I kill myself.
Plus, I took one look at Syndrome and instantly knew I need not look further. The fact that such a stain on the Garden State is probably spawning makes me weep for posterity. And good gracious Hot Chocolate is a work of art. She melts even my stone cold heart.
#3 is Donkey Douche and has already had the jersey retired. I kill myself.
Plus, I took one look at Syndrome and instantly knew I need not look further. The fact that such a stain on the Garden State is probably spawning makes me weep for posterity. And good gracious Hot Chocolate is a work of art. She melts even my stone cold heart.
# posted by : 7:17 PM
: 7:17 PM
I... I can't do it. On one hand, you have Oompah who's a giant corsage. On the other hand, any guy that uses kissy lips as a pose deserves to win, too.
I say three-way tie.
I say three-way tie.
Gotta be The Oompa. How the hell did he look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I look good."
# posted by : 8:32 PM
: 8:32 PM
Greetings from Middle-earth.
Oompra Prompa, most definitely.
It's a shame, because I sure do love voting for the Donk.
Oompra Prompa, most definitely.
It's a shame, because I sure do love voting for the Donk.
Though I'm tempted to go with the crowd, to me the obvious bag is Syndrome. From the top: the tall hair, the sculpted eyebrows, the fact that his lips appear to be surgically enhanced, the neck bling, the ripped tiny shirt with unknown asian symbol, the arm band, and the dual hand gestures. I think that Baggish is as douche as Syndrome but for a reason that I can't describe, I'm just not feeling it. As for Oompa, I mean, I get it, he's orange....he also has bag hair. However other than that, I'm not getting the same feeling that I have for Syndrome, and to a lesser extent, Baggish. Perhaps he is not doing anything overtly douche. I think that the definition of douche is not just the look of douche, but the attitude of douche must accompany. Oompa is not making any bag hand gestures, nor is he making a douche face. He may look like a douche, but is not necessarily acting like a douche.
Being a female reader of this fine site, I'm not so interested in the hot chick, but per DB1, we are asked to factor them into our considerations...let us not forget that. In keeping that in mind, the girl with Syndrome pushes him over the top.
Vote: Syndrome
Being a female reader of this fine site, I'm not so interested in the hot chick, but per DB1, we are asked to factor them into our considerations...let us not forget that. In keeping that in mind, the girl with Syndrome pushes him over the top.
Vote: Syndrome
# posted by : 9:44 PM
: 9:44 PM
Hands down...Oompa Prompa gets the vote...if simply for the fact he's going to see his douchebaggery for the rest of his life....look at my prom pictures my douchelings...yes children I'm the one in the orange...
# posted by : 11:00 PM
: 11:00 PM
I'm going with Luck of the Baggish. It's the boobs. And is he wearing an 80's Michael Jackson jacket without a shirt? AND dogtags, that clinches it. His shillelagh weighs a ton.
# posted by : 11:09 PM
: 11:09 PM
i'm going to vote for the odd douche out, the untraditional, but sublime, Oompa Prompa.
i can't quite tell but it looks like Oompa's date is the hottie of the bunch. How does that notion grab me you ask? Like the jaws of life on my frank and beans. That's how it grabs me.
i can't quite tell but it looks like Oompa's date is the hottie of the bunch. How does that notion grab me you ask? Like the jaws of life on my frank and beans. That's how it grabs me.
By the sizzling sack of Surtur!!! This sad display of style over substance is causing my bowels to leak into my lungs! The influx of newbies here is one thing - theoretically they can be schooled in the ways of the baghunter. But I am flummoxed - nay, bewilderpated! - at the number of regulars that are falling for the transitory surface charms of Oompa Prompa.
You are the kind of people that keep American Idol on the air. And for that alone, I hate you.
What are the two elements you need to be HCwDB of the Week? Take your time. HOT CHICKS...with DOUCHEBAGS...of the Week. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
First, you need a Hot Chick. Hey look! Syndrome has a hot chick. 'Baggish has two. Poor Oompa has none. Too bad so sad bye bye. I guess he's out.
Second, you need to be a douchebag. Common to all douchebags is his intimate relationship with the camera that borders on the sexual. The douchebag's stare penetrates the camera as if it were a drunk RockStar Energy Drink promo girl after a party at ICE. That stare speaks of obscene confidence and entitlement, and the self-absorption of a black hole. Syndrome's swingin' two bats on deck for his hottie. "Baggish is sportin' wood for the Nikon in a big way. Oompa thinks he hears an ice cream truck. Without the attitude, Oompa's just another landsquid with old new wave hair and the telltale sheen of a pharmaceutical tan. Looks 10, dance 3. I guess he's out.
Despite my personal fascination with the delicious cookie cakes surrounding the Ass Oreo that is the 'Baggish photo, Syndrome is the obvious choice for this week's honors. I won't go into all the reasons: The big ledoucheski already put it quite eloquently as I was typing out my bile for all the Oompaphiles. I only add that I detect a hint of Just For Men in those preternaturally raven locks, cuz you know Syndrome is lookin' to GET IN THE GAME!™ I agree with the earlier observation that Syndrome looks like he could don a suit and shed his bagness for his day job in a heartbeat. For me, that makes his posing that much more deserving and his hand gestures that much more absurd. You go, white boy.
The jury system is not working this week and I implore the judge to throw out the the will of the masses and see that justice is done.
You are the kind of people that keep American Idol on the air. And for that alone, I hate you.
What are the two elements you need to be HCwDB of the Week? Take your time. HOT CHICKS...with DOUCHEBAGS...of the Week. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
First, you need a Hot Chick. Hey look! Syndrome has a hot chick. 'Baggish has two. Poor Oompa has none. Too bad so sad bye bye. I guess he's out.
Second, you need to be a douchebag. Common to all douchebags is his intimate relationship with the camera that borders on the sexual. The douchebag's stare penetrates the camera as if it were a drunk RockStar Energy Drink promo girl after a party at ICE. That stare speaks of obscene confidence and entitlement, and the self-absorption of a black hole. Syndrome's swingin' two bats on deck for his hottie. "Baggish is sportin' wood for the Nikon in a big way. Oompa thinks he hears an ice cream truck. Without the attitude, Oompa's just another landsquid with old new wave hair and the telltale sheen of a pharmaceutical tan. Looks 10, dance 3. I guess he's out.
Despite my personal fascination with the delicious cookie cakes surrounding the Ass Oreo that is the 'Baggish photo, Syndrome is the obvious choice for this week's honors. I won't go into all the reasons: The big ledoucheski already put it quite eloquently as I was typing out my bile for all the Oompaphiles. I only add that I detect a hint of Just For Men in those preternaturally raven locks, cuz you know Syndrome is lookin' to GET IN THE GAME!™ I agree with the earlier observation that Syndrome looks like he could don a suit and shed his bagness for his day job in a heartbeat. For me, that makes his posing that much more deserving and his hand gestures that much more absurd. You go, white boy.
The jury system is not working this week and I implore the judge to throw out the the will of the masses and see that justice is done.
I'll give Oompa Prompa my vote this week. It's not easy to stand out among the crowd, but by gosh, the little bastard does it.
But is he already at prom, or are the revelers taking a pit stop at an STD clinic first? And in which pockets is it customary to keep the roofies in formal wear?
But is he already at prom, or are the revelers taking a pit stop at an STD clinic first? And in which pockets is it customary to keep the roofies in formal wear?
# posted by : 3:28 AM
: 3:28 AM
I cannot stand idle as our baggish friend Oompa is misclassified agin and again as appearing orange:
Distinguished colleagues, I have devoted twenty years of my life to the field of spectroscopy and its application to cosmological understanding, and I can tell you, with definitive empirical evidence, that the color of young Oompa's skin as shown in this picture is NOT orange. The color you perceive his skin to be does not exist in nature.
This young douche exhibits for the first time on film a process I first observed three months ago at Teddy's in the Roosevelt Hotel. The process is thus:
A genetic mutation occurs in the douche, wherein naturally occurring chloroplasts are mimicked in the douchal epidermis, but rather than traditional photosynthetic reaction occurring, the new proto-douche in effect absorbs all light from even below and above the visible spectrum, and through a process I've named 'Chemo-Bagnetic Synthesis', emits a light frequency that, when perceived by the human eye, is an exact and perfect representation of cytomegalogrieco, more commonly known as...Grieco Virus.
Let the truth waft over you. Oompa is the color of Grieco.
Distinguished colleagues, I have devoted twenty years of my life to the field of spectroscopy and its application to cosmological understanding, and I can tell you, with definitive empirical evidence, that the color of young Oompa's skin as shown in this picture is NOT orange. The color you perceive his skin to be does not exist in nature.
This young douche exhibits for the first time on film a process I first observed three months ago at Teddy's in the Roosevelt Hotel. The process is thus:
A genetic mutation occurs in the douche, wherein naturally occurring chloroplasts are mimicked in the douchal epidermis, but rather than traditional photosynthetic reaction occurring, the new proto-douche in effect absorbs all light from even below and above the visible spectrum, and through a process I've named 'Chemo-Bagnetic Synthesis', emits a light frequency that, when perceived by the human eye, is an exact and perfect representation of cytomegalogrieco, more commonly known as...Grieco Virus.
Let the truth waft over you. Oompa is the color of Grieco.
# posted by : 3:55 AM
: 3:55 AM
oompa doesn't meet near the same criteria as the other 2....isn't there a height requirement for HCwDBotW, too?
# posted by : 6:08 AM
: 6:08 AM
If #3 is not The Donk, then heaven help us, because we are seriously fucked when there are two scrotes who appear to be similar. It's like the 'Bag Twins only a million times worse. Whatever you do, don't let Baggish and The Donk in the same room at the same time. The grease fire could be reminiscent of the Hindenberg. And their lips probably wouldn't both fit in the same room anyway.
My vote has to go to Baggish for doing such a fine impression of The Donk. His HCs are very tasty, even if they are a bit processed. I'd still bang both of them. And really, is there any more to life?
Boobies...
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
My vote has to go to Baggish for doing such a fine impression of The Donk. His HCs are very tasty, even if they are a bit processed. I'd still bang both of them. And really, is there any more to life?
Boobies...
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
# posted by : 8:01 AM
: 8:01 AM
In the '80s, Oompa Prompa would've gotten all his buddies to accessorize identical black tuxes with Reebox hi-tops and Wayfarers.
In the '90s, he'd have shown up in the same tux sans bow tie, but with a black stud in the collar that looks like a pellet-gun wound -- probably matching the one in the middle of his chin.
Alas, today Oompa Prompa is trolling the clearance rack at SYMS, piecing his ensemble together from stuff even old-man golfers wouldn't wear.
It's not enough. Neither is his girl, in context.
Syndrome wins.
(I can't look at Baggish long enough to decide who's second or third.)
In the '90s, he'd have shown up in the same tux sans bow tie, but with a black stud in the collar that looks like a pellet-gun wound -- probably matching the one in the middle of his chin.
Alas, today Oompa Prompa is trolling the clearance rack at SYMS, piecing his ensemble together from stuff even old-man golfers wouldn't wear.
It's not enough. Neither is his girl, in context.
Syndrome wins.
(I can't look at Baggish long enough to decide who's second or third.)
# posted by : 9:18 AM
: 9:18 AM
Come on people, how could you not vote for Oompa Prompa? Pretty in Pink douche alone could easily destroy all the other douches. The fact that his orange brother is with him is like a tag team of douche!
Oompa Prompa!
Oompa Prompa!
Whenever it gets to the point where I have to choose between classic bag and freak bag, I end up playing it safe. The freak bags, while hilarious (Oompa Prompa) or terrifying (Raccoon) are so over the top that I just can't take them seriously.
Freak bags come and go. We remember them for a few weeks maybe, or at least until the next freak bag pops up and mesmerizes us with some ludicrous get-up.
Who never gets forgotten?
Who always gets called in from the bullpen when times get tough and confusion reigns?
The Donk, that's who.
Whenever I think I might be losing my way, I sit back and think about the big Double D.
All becomes clear.
HCwDB of the week: Syndrome
Freak bags come and go. We remember them for a few weeks maybe, or at least until the next freak bag pops up and mesmerizes us with some ludicrous get-up.
Who never gets forgotten?
Who always gets called in from the bullpen when times get tough and confusion reigns?
The Donk, that's who.
Whenever I think I might be losing my way, I sit back and think about the big Double D.
All becomes clear.
HCwDB of the week: Syndrome
# posted by : 12:05 PM
: 12:05 PM
Whist Oompa Prompa is cirtainly...distinct, it is not really baggish.
Syndrome's main doushitude comes from the pout. I see it and want to lash out. Then I see Luck of the Baggish's pout and I want to hit myself in the off change I will give myself amnesia, and I can live the rest of my life without those lips haunting my dreams.
Vote goes for Baggish.
-The Arch Douche
Syndrome's main doushitude comes from the pout. I see it and want to lash out. Then I see Luck of the Baggish's pout and I want to hit myself in the off change I will give myself amnesia, and I can live the rest of my life without those lips haunting my dreams.
Vote goes for Baggish.
-The Arch Douche
# posted by : 2:52 PM
: 2:52 PM
Let me offer a counter-point to the eloquent stylings of Baron von Goolo and David Douchecovney, after first noting that I have no strong disagreement for votes cast for any of the candidates.
I think that it is unfair to besmirch Orangenstein's douche credentials. It is true that douches react to cameras like spider monkeys to poo. But the problem with using that criterion is that the pic in question was taken from a bit of a distance. Also, note that no one (except one) in the group is looking at the camera in question. There appear to be cameras in other locations, and most of the line is looking in that direction, with cheesy expressions. My conclusion is that the pic was more of a stealth photo than the others and thus not a fair basis on which to gauge scrote. I would add, however, that I detect more than a faint trace of a "I'm way too cool for these jokers. Once we get inside, I'll get my flow on and show you how Jersey represents" look in his eyes. Grieco would approve.
I would further propose that his ability to get extremely douchey is limited by virtue of the faux gravity of the moment, the fact that he is in line with limited space for douching, and the greatly skewed melvin/douche ratio (douches generally travel and douche in groups like clubs and pool parties). If you doubt me, check out other prom douches elsewhere on the site. Most are not being excessively outwardly douchey, but relying more on the douche reserve that manifests itself through bizarre attire, hair/facial hair or inappropriate bling and that carries them through more conventional settings.
Finally, I think a comparison to the Raccoon is inaccurate for one simple reason -- the Raccoon was a professional douche. Orange Douchius is apparently in high school. This is how he rolls all day, every day.
So at the end of the day, we must ask ourselves, if this clown were in a club, would he disappoint? If I thought this was a one-off scenario where he had no real game, I would agree with the dissenting views. But I see no basis on which to conclude that he would be anything other than a douchetastic success. For this reason, I think he is a valid and compelling entry.
As for the HC factor ... Well there's no real argument there. I just thing the douche side of it carries the day on the this one.
I think that it is unfair to besmirch Orangenstein's douche credentials. It is true that douches react to cameras like spider monkeys to poo. But the problem with using that criterion is that the pic in question was taken from a bit of a distance. Also, note that no one (except one) in the group is looking at the camera in question. There appear to be cameras in other locations, and most of the line is looking in that direction, with cheesy expressions. My conclusion is that the pic was more of a stealth photo than the others and thus not a fair basis on which to gauge scrote. I would add, however, that I detect more than a faint trace of a "I'm way too cool for these jokers. Once we get inside, I'll get my flow on and show you how Jersey represents" look in his eyes. Grieco would approve.
I would further propose that his ability to get extremely douchey is limited by virtue of the faux gravity of the moment, the fact that he is in line with limited space for douching, and the greatly skewed melvin/douche ratio (douches generally travel and douche in groups like clubs and pool parties). If you doubt me, check out other prom douches elsewhere on the site. Most are not being excessively outwardly douchey, but relying more on the douche reserve that manifests itself through bizarre attire, hair/facial hair or inappropriate bling and that carries them through more conventional settings.
Finally, I think a comparison to the Raccoon is inaccurate for one simple reason -- the Raccoon was a professional douche. Orange Douchius is apparently in high school. This is how he rolls all day, every day.
So at the end of the day, we must ask ourselves, if this clown were in a club, would he disappoint? If I thought this was a one-off scenario where he had no real game, I would agree with the dissenting views. But I see no basis on which to conclude that he would be anything other than a douchetastic success. For this reason, I think he is a valid and compelling entry.
As for the HC factor ... Well there's no real argument there. I just thing the douche side of it carries the day on the this one.
None of these candidates really stir the bile. But I do have a thing for the chick in No.1. A vote for Syndrome.
# posted by : 3:42 PM
: 3:42 PM
Baron, you have gone mad. Mad I say! I will address this one point only: Oompa is surrounded by tasty morsels of high school goodness. All-natural and unblemished by age or gravity. His date/captive has a body that is on time and under budget; that makes no sense but I'll stand by it. I reiterate my vote for the oomp.
# posted by : 4:16 PM
: 4:16 PM
Referring to Oompa Prompa, Douchevid Hasselhoff said...
"His. Head. Is. Orange.
A deep. purpley. orange.
His hair is nerf-football shaped."
I cried I laughed so hard reading this...I have to say, if we get any more pics resembling a close-up of Oompa, he's going straight into the HoS, no question.
Snoop Doggy Douche
"His. Head. Is. Orange.
A deep. purpley. orange.
His hair is nerf-football shaped."
I cried I laughed so hard reading this...I have to say, if we get any more pics resembling a close-up of Oompa, he's going straight into the HoS, no question.
Snoop Doggy Douche
# posted by : 4:42 PM
: 4:42 PM
He's wearing a pink jacket, and he's O-R-A-N-G-E. In all my time on this earth, I have never seen anything like this. The trauma this must cause to his classmates who don't yet know how to say "Haha, you're a douchebag" must have the guidance counselors of this ballsack's high school working 60 hours a week. I'm trapped between fury and hilarity whenever I see this guy. And what the hell is he looking at? Stop that. All my money is on the guy who was almost cast as young Anthony Soprano. You fuckin fuck, you. Oompa Prompa.
# posted by : 4:46 PM
: 4:46 PM
i have to make this vote somewhat unconventional.
if #3 is Donk, then i'm voting #2.
if not, then my vote remains with #3.
why?
#3 has the smuggest of douches, and the clearest of cleavages.
if #3 is Donk, then i'm voting #2.
if not, then my vote remains with #3.
why?
#3 has the smuggest of douches, and the clearest of cleavages.
Syndrome. Totally Syndrome. He appears most emphatically sincere in his 'baguousness.
# posted by : 9:08 PM
: 9:08 PM
My vote is for Syndrome
Oompa is not really douche, while he may be outside of the picture, the picture is all we have to go on and he is not acting douche...just standing and looking orange.
Oompa is not really douche, while he may be outside of the picture, the picture is all we have to go on and he is not acting douche...just standing and looking orange.
# posted by : 9:21 PM
: 9:21 PM
Its a toss up between oompa and BAggish. It is too damn obvious that Syndrome jerks off to tranny porn in his spare time, so I would say OOMPA. Nothing worse than a young douche!
I vote Choad Patrol. A little high on himself isn't he? Guys like that are major turn offs. He ain't all that.
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# posted by : 2:34 PM
: 2:34 PM << Home
