I figured you for a Ford Tempo guy, DB1. Cavalier's a bit classy.

Hey, if you can get some shot of that musclemonsterbag with one or two of these hotties, we've got a potential HoSer.
 

Hark, what light through yonder Hottie breaks?

Tatty is the douche, and blondies are the sun.
 

Picture . . . too many HC's . . . too much scrote . . . brain melting.

PS what is on dude's left shoulder? If I was born with that shit I would pay for a flesh-colored tattoo to cover it.
 

You see? You see!? I told you to listen to the Religious Right! But noooo, stem cell research might cure really bad diseases some day you said. We have to keep globally competitive in this fast changing field of medicine you said.
Well great. Now they're cloning douchebags. I hold you responsible for this, Liberals.

This could be a new type of photo for HCwDB - Where's NotWaldouche? Can you spot him amongst the Choads and Bleeths?
 

Funny how almost everyone in this picture is wearing oversized, Xenu-style goggle glasses. Tatty roid 'bag choad is sporty a really nasty combination of a greasy/spikey hairdo and a euro-trash mullet. Is this at the Mecca, the Hard Rock in Vegas? Mmm...PBR..
 

Forgot over-sized shades... Background Beer Douche smart enough to get behind blinding light in bottom left corner... please, oh god of Douchtitude, Buddha of Bags, let it not be uber-polished bling but merely light the way to golden haired naughty hotty's promised land... can't figure it out... like staring into the sun... passing... out... so... afraid... so... tired... want to rest... on blanket of boobs...
 

Do any of you remember that TV show from the 80's... "V"?
 

This is a douche tornado. A douchenado, if you will. Anyway, it's overwhelming. The funniest thing about it is that King Douche's satanic hand symbol is angled in such a way that it could be the left hand of Hottie in pink. Can you imagine a shweet little thing like her having hands like a blacksmith (reminiscent of the Seinfeld Man Hands episode)? Other than that, I only wish the girls would safely exit while the camera transforms into a Tommy gun.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

"What are the root causes of douche-hot duality? How does Grieco Virus spread its greasy plague from city to city, 'Bag to 'Bag, 'Bag to Hottie and Hottie to Hottie?"

I have a theory DB1.

During the last Ice age, glacial drift slowly spread douche seeds from what is now Quebec (The douchiest province in the world).
At the peak of the ice age, the glaciers covered the entire northeast US.
When the glaciers receded, an extraordinary amount of "douche seeds" ended up in what is now Long Island and New Jersey.
What scientistst don't know is, birds fucking love these seeds.
the birds ate the seeds, migrated south and shit them out in Florida.
Eventually, enough douces were spawned and they migrated west, but it was the Corleone family that was responsible for spreading douche seeds in Las Vegas, (they forgot to check Fredo's bags when he went to go work for Mo Green).
And the rest is HISTORY.

This is why we find such high concentrations of Douches and Bleeth's in LI, Jersey, and Vegas.
Some of you may be asking,
"What does this have to do with Canada?"
Have a 5 minute conversation with a french cannadian and you will know.
 

please consider...I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING THAT IS A VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT TO THE DOUCHE HOTTIE DUET THAT NOT MANY PEOPLE THINK ABOUT...THAT IS THE FACT THAT THERE IS A FEMALE VERSION OF A DOUCHE...AND SOMETIMES THESE FEMALES ARE HOT...SOMETIMES THEY ARE NOT(AS IN POPPY PUNK CHICKS THAT HAVE A BEER GUT FLOWING OVER THEIR STUDDED BELT). SO YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF...WOULD YOU WANT A FEMALE DOUCHE? NOT I! I SAY A HOTTIE WITH BAGS IS NO HOTTIE FOR ME. THEY ARE JUST AS REPULSIVE AND DESERVE EQUAL MOCKERY.
 

All hail Captain Pumpy Inky Spikey Pouty McChinThrust! If he can distract me from the finger-lickin' pneumatic charms of that dead center hottie, he's HoS material with a bullet. Preferrably to the underside of the chin.

Beam me up, Xenu!
 

As was suggested, this is deffo a genius new category, "Where's not-Waldouche".
Sorry, little Brandon: no black bug-goggles ? no soul patch ? no tats ? and SMILING, for fuck's sake ? You're definitely not gonna be feeling the bleeth tonight.
 

V was a great show. I think it came on right before Airwolf.
Pumpy meets Donk, fucks Xenu and cruises into the HoS right before bonds hits his 756th.
 

PS Look closer--dude on our far right is rocking a fucking MULLET. That said, please note that he scares me. When he goes to prison he rapes the rapists. If the connected douchiosi on this site have me clipped, at least I'll be safe from this guy.
 

Cro-bagnon with Dior on? Proof of evolution?
 

Yeah. I'm waiting for someone to come explain to us that these people are way cooler than we will ever be because they are sporting Dior shades that cost more than our Star Wars action figure habit. Little do they know how much a mint Chewbacca is worth.

By the way, the amount of Bleeth on this page is overwhelming. I also sense a collective IQ of less than 3 digits.
 

I have to also ask whether dude behind the two chicks to the left has a metal wang, a la Goldmember. Something in his groinal region is giving a disturbing star effect.
 

There are two kinds of bags I can't stand in this world. Bags who are intolerant of other bags cultures, and the Dutchbags.
 

Hmmmm. I see six balloons and five buffoons.
 

Hmm. Seeing as how they're all wearing the same brand of expensive sunglasses... Maybe, just maybe, this unholy conglomeration of douchebagginess and bleeth is because they've all been hired to promote these dumb glasses? It's like a freakin' Pepsi commercial, except it isn't filmed and happens live to take in the ripe-sucks on spring break. Only thing worse than true 'baggery is 'baggery for bucks. Wait. No it isn't...

Someone here had an idea to open a store for 'bags - a Baggerdashery. This, sir, is how you start. Run with it!

P.S. Sometimes it sucks being on Left Coast time. Everyone else posts before I've settled in for the evening. M'eh.
 

In the words of Baudelaire, "There is no more steely barb than that of the Infinite [douche]."

And staring unto this fountain of douche and designer old-people sunglasses, i feel the barb. And by barb i mean urge to projectile vomit while listening to "Sussudio" on repeat.
 

The question we should be asking ourselves is, "Where does the sunglasses fad go from here?" Hmm. It might be going in the direction of Elton John's rhinestone-encrusted masterpieces crossed with cylon helmets. Ahhh, yes. I can see it now. And they'll still think they look cool.

DH. Dude. Sussudio fuckin' ROCKS.
 

the frigthening thing is, someone (probably one of these numbnuts in the photo) liked this picture so much, they brought it into Photoshop and added a sun glare filter to it. probably to make it "more classy".

this photo is an array of filth.
 

mabey they're all welders?
 

If anyone needs me I'll be eating pop rocks with Jolt and praying to jesus.
 

I invite the viewer to indulge in a quick twitch of the mousewheel, to briefly survey this page's myriad and diverse offerings. And then, to pause, to reflect, and ponder as to the questions raised by our beer-belching Cavalier driving guide through this strange and foreboding Doucheyverse.

Truly, the malady takes on so many guises, and is so Invasion-of-the-Body-Snatchers like in its proportions.

That the HC should 'bind' to the DB so willingly, so scrotomatically is alarming. That the replication, or 'scroteplication' if you will, of these specimens is so rapid is shocking.

What boundary does one cross with the simple application of a handful of gel? How *do* they get their lips to do that, and why?

One *can* only ponder, and shudder. And maybe fart a little.

--Vinny Scumbaglia
 

Leader of the Pack Douche is guaranteed to be in possession of roofies. Hot Chicks beware.
 

I think that guy has had plastic surgery on his ears. Check it out.
 

I can't take much more of this.
I'm out for now.
 

Is it possible to nominate this festering goulash of scrote for HCwDBotW for next week? I mean, we nominated the Douche Platoon once upon a time and these guys are like an evodouchionary leap beyond them.
 

lol, whats funny is your all haters, cuz the second you see that guy in person you will look down cuz your scared he will kick your ass! And that he has game and you dont !! haha! your the actually losers and team of douchbags!
 

Whats funny is that you are all skinny sad emo kids that have nothing better to do than sit at your computer and jack off to the hotties and weigh 100 pounds soaking wet! And btw... the two on the right have more of an education and more assets than all the douches that are spending time talking shit. And no, as much as you would love to think that it was from making porns... it called being balanced.. Beautiful, educated, and knowing how to live up their perfect lives they were blessed with. I'm sorry you all have miserable lives. :(
 

Since when is it not cool to jack off to hotties?
 

Do they have a JD, PhD, or MD (hell, even a DDS or EdD)?

Do their individual net worths exceed a million?

If the answer is "no" to either of those questions, then you are sadly mistaken, anon 7:56.

If the answer was "yes" to either of the questions, well, they still look frigging hilarious. How could we not be happy for all their success? Especially when they're bringing such joy to the masses.

Some of us love to laugh. Some of us love to write about what makes us laugh. It's a hobby. You know, like sitting for a tattoo or teasing your hair straight up or wearing overpriced big-ass sunglasses.

Hey, if this is a costume party, I take it all back.

You're not their attorney, are you? Do they have a publicist? Oh, wait, I bet you're just one of the sycophants who hustles drugs and booze for them. Now, that's a perfect life.
 

Ouch. I have been cut to the quick by your rapier wit. You have pegged me perfectly. I am unemployed, naked, starving and insanely jealous that I have not made the decision to get permanent markings on my body that I would regret in five years if not sooner.

Despite your eloquent defense of these people, we can see this photo. Oddly, no one brought their college diploma to this scrotefest. The "they have more money than you" is also brilliant, in that there is no way to test this hypothesis, nor is it relevant. Having money is not a rebuttal of douche nor a basis on which to separate these people from us. Ironically, claiming these people are superior and cool because they have money, is douchey (see the 80's).

If by "game" you mean the "Parcheesi" on display, I am not sorry that I do not possess it. As for the "hotties" in this photo -- no, thank you. I fear the penicillin habit they would require would drive me into irrecoverable debt, and then you would win the battle of logic by which the richer person is deemed cooler and able to do stupid things in public without being subjected to mockery.

Is the plural of porn really porns?
 

I've been drinking, artotd. (for the scrotes out there, it wasn't Corona, it was Stone IPA.) Thank you for rebutting this so much better than I have. I wish you would've posted first.

I believe the correct plural is "pornos".
 

I thought yours had an appropriately whimsical tone.

As always, I forgot to ask these deep thinkers whether the fact they are "hating" means that they are insanely jealous of us. But they would probably just laugh at my misspelling of "jelouse." Stupid porns.
 

Moses died when he reached the Promised Land. now i know why.
 

C'mon, anyone who knows better knows better. I know tons of PhDs, MDs, etc., people with real money in their accounts, and not one of them looks remotely like a douchebag. Real education teaches people to know better. You're talking about balance, and tatoos, alcohol, and whores aren't balance.

I have also met many douchebags who think earning above minimum wage, wearing way overpriced clothes and accessories gives them a right to an overboosted ego.
 

"Tattoos, alcohol and whores aren't balance."

Well said, El Douchablo.
 

Well, since I'm 6'3", 215 pounds, college educated, and a black belt, i think it's fair to say you can go fuck yourselves, you skeeves. Never mind, why even try to rebut someone who says "cuz." That's just lazy.
 

Like DB1 says, this pic inspires many questions.

Are the four guys in sunglasses going to a douche convention? They look EXACTLY alike, stricken with a highly contagious, antibiotic-resistant strain of tudoucheulosis. And did the top douche FORGET his sunglasses, or did he not have time to put them on? And, yes, he's drinking Corona. I'm starting to think you guys are right about Corona--maybe it actually turns you into a choad. I should write a letter to the FDA and enclose some pics.

They are so profoundly douchey that I wouldn't be surprised if they were all going to a costume party, dressed as douchebags and Bleeths. Which, come to think of it, would be pretty bitchin'.

"What are you supposed to be?"

"A douchebag."

"Dude, that's AWESOME."

Those girls are soooo skanky. I once read that there is a negative correlation between how hard a girl tries to be sexy and her actual sexiness. Never more true than in this pic. I think that weird top-of-hair-pulled-back thing is the female equiv of the douche-hawk.

DB on the right is HoS material if we can catch him alone with one of these herpes-infested strumpets.
 

If you want to find more douchbags like this, just go on myspace and search in places like Miami or South Beach or Orlando. Plenty of guys like that down here, and they're usually with all sorts of hotties. :)