Wow! That is a classy shot. This is from the photo spread in the August issue of the Robb Report. Sweet. Lovely tits, too.
 

And Douche Vader says:

Don't be a fleurzy, stay out of New Jersey.
Also don't be a bleeken, go party this weekend!

If anyone else knows how to rhyme Jersey and weekend better, lemme know. Otherwise, 'til Monday...
 

Bagnon Mad, Bagnon find you, Bagnon hurt you.....(insert Tim Taylor grunt here) Bagnon not fodder for your silly blog.
 

I think Bagnon and Lohan have the same friend that keeps selling them out
 

Bagnon has fully crowded out the Apprentice Douche behind Fingerpainted Hottie there. Bagnon promised Apprentice Douche lessons in the timeless art of douchery, but instead took his woman and scowled.
 

Bagnon The Conqueror

"It's all mine. And your woman, too."
 

We have yet to see Bagnon in a photo that makes it possible to judge whether he truly is titanic or merely ominous and bestial. Standing next to shorties skews the visual scale. And by, "skews," I mean, "incites rage and possibly vomiting. Call poison control hotline if the urge to saw New Jersey from the rest of the nation with a spork persists."
 

Egads...we really do need to find out who this guy is and interview him. Or if only to get a DNA sample to add to The Human Genome Project.

I mean...there's gotta be something there. Some missing allele that links us to Shar Peis, Elm trunks, or catcher's mitts.

*wretch*
 

Old no 7 is finding his way. each time he's posted he's improving. from the mandana to this? Were we wrong about him?

gotta give it ol' DB1 he gave us a nice set of hot tits, er chicks to start the weekend.
 

Oh, there's where I left my truck.
 

He allowed his kid brother to be on the pic, but told him to stay behind!
 

About Cro Bagnon: I can't believe he found a sport coat that fit him.

About Titzilla: I am not surprised she couldn't find a shirt to fit those.

About greasy choad in back: I can't believe it's not butter.
 

Ya know what? Fuckit. I'm going to go all out and say not a bag. At least not in this picture. That Sean Connery glare he's flashing? Style. The dinner jacket with clean white shirt? Classy. The girl in the blue top? With the choad standing behind them both. The girl wearing the outfit that looks like a zebra shot with a paintball gun? Errr...what were we talking about again?
Oh yeah. Cro. Good job mug. Way to pull off bigger than a Volkswagen Beetle with pizazz.
 

Whazzup, y'all douchebags

Notice you put Romeo up on your page, I know him he parties with us at njguido.com but don't piss him off, you be in a world of H-U-R-T. Ha, jus' playin' I don't think he would care about you, he has the world at his feet and ladiez you can't belief.

But haaaaaay quit your hatin' this summer and get down and PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR with njguido.com, we have the hottest ladiez in tha' TRI-STATE, 'chall.

Dino201
 

Hey is any one there I left comments on your page yup soo holla at me soon, K?

Luv,

Kaylee

PS Haters don't respond becose I will *NOT* tty
 

Jesus christ. I didn't know you could abuse a dress shirt like that.

But, I will say that he ain't as much a bag as some of the others I've seen on this site. Which isn't saying a lot. Especially when he has the ninja star-sharp sideburns and the nothing-beard.
 

You know i kind of wish i only saw Cro bagnon in his feral state. Seeing him civilized in human clothes kind of takes away from his legend. I definitely prefer the roid rage of old number 7

SkanderDouche

very drunk
 

Choada the Bagnarian says...

I will distract Cro Bagnon by saying they are giving away free Axe body spray in the mens room, then kick wanna be Scrote boy in the nuts and proceed back to my hotel room for some wicked three way action with the hotties.

At least thats how I have it all worked out in my mind.
 

this is mitch:

#7 is looking angry. who knew? with popping tits like that, ol' girl is destined for fox news.

BTW: grammar police...it's "retch" not "wretch." a wretch is a filthy urchin. a retch is pavement pizza.

thank you.
 

Not to be a label whore, but McSweeney's needs your help to not go out of busyness. If you are at all interested in independent publishing or cool shit in general, buy somethin' ya' 'bag. APOSTROPHE MADNESS!!!!
 

Thanks, Mitch, for taking care of my lightwork.
I like this Dino guy from njguido. He doesn't seem at all fazed by the fact that his organization is akin to assembly of outhouse rodents. There's something strangely zen about that.
 

i don't know what that means, "lightwork." so, i'll just sit here listening to six organs of admittance and faze out.
 

Your site is soo hard to talk 2 people I am sure. You need a umm *chat room* or something ok. Well gtg 4 now, luv ya guys your'e funny

Luv,

Kaylee
 

blah blah blah.
 

Grammar patrol, mitch.
 

Are we certain that 'Magnon isn't Macauley Culkin's brother "Buzz" from the Home Alone movies? Add 15 years and 150 pounds, and there you go.
 

Um...

Kaylee says we're funny and signs off with, "luv" now?

So I have to ask.

Are we douche?
 

nope.
 

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Where does the future antagonist of the "Geico Caveman" sitcom buy his suits, at Irv's Big & Atavistic of Passaic?
 

nice post!

http://www.wiierrorcodes.com
 

I'm starting to like this guy. I really like pinky and braless wonder!
 

c'mon, we're obviously douches. is that even a question? whydy'a think 90% of the aliases on here have something to do with douche?

i think, since this blog has gotten popular, that people have lost sight of the fact that we are all jealous 'bags. so kaylee, ashleigh, rick, et al, rock the fuck on.
 

Hear hear, Mitch.

I'm unscrewing a bottle of T-bird in honor of that timely reminder.

A toast to jealous 'bagslayers (douche and hottie) everywhere. God bless the DB1 and the Gallo family.
 

CroBagnon appears to be a bouncer at one of the clubs, from what I can tell from his myspace page.
 

what's his myspace address?
 

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If you go to the joeysnightclub MySpace page (apparently a Jersey haunt), you will be able to figure out the path from there. Choose wisely. That place appears to be teeming with them.
 

Now ya hadda go and ruin it for me. After seeing his personal pics and those of his girlfriend, I can't summon the previous level of contempt. He seems like a big blue collar goober who might actually be a nice guy.

With occasional 'roid rage.

And he's pretty huge.
 

Yeah- I agree, I can't see our favorite Cro Bagnon being douche anymore. His myspace totally changed my mind. He's just a big fucker that looks like he's down for some hard work and fun times.

Don't think I'm getting "nice" either, just cause I've downed a jug o' rum. He doesn't annoy me.

Rivethead
 

Then we must classify him somehow if not a douche. If nothing else, he should get props. hes probably mashed the heads of more douches than all of us combined.

And I'm not a douche. Im a run-of-the-mill loser.

iDouche
 

the guy on the right name is cupo MAD ROIDS lol
 

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No. I've seen his myspace page. Manscaped beard + gelled coif + professional bouncer at a douchey club in Jersey + virtual illiteracy + general meatheadedness = Douchebag.

And no, I would never say this to his face. Unlike Rick, this guy scares me.
 

this is mitch:

ol number seven is a fucking HoS powerhouse. do not mock him. he drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

- MITCH
 

did someone say cro bagnon?
 

Wow look at his myspace page, this guy is a tank. If he spilled his drink on me at a a club, I'D apologize to HIM. Def looks like the typical body builer bag/guido bag, but he seems like an okay guy (at least no kissy face poses like JP). Whats he doing as a bouncer, with a little MMA training this guy could be fighting UFC pay-per views. Actually he looks kinda like an ever more meathead version of heavy weight contender Gabriel Gonzaga.
 

Saw the myspace. Nowhere near as ridiculous as joey's, though I guess that's why joey's myspace is in the HoS.
It's interesting, he's like a freelance bouncer. Then again he is the brute squad.
 

Speaking of Joey and his inherent ridiculousness, apparently it's contagious. Check out his prom pic.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=31610199&albumID=0&imageID=11173738

Is that a girl? A mannequin? One of those Muppets from The Dark Crystal? Your guess is as good as mine.
 

y'know after making so many appearances on HCwD and not firing back at us i wouldn't be surprised if Cro Bagnon is the kinda guy who can take some criticism.

but he's still highly mockable. sorry Cro B. c'est la vie.

now when can we expect Cro Bagnon to blast Joey Porsche to smithereens? hmm...
 

I pose a question:

Is it possible that Cro was somehow bleethed? That's right i said it and i won't take it back?

his duties as bouncer exposed him to the grieco virus and he is blending in to his surroundings.

Cro, If you're out there, hear me.

Be our champion! Smash the douches we cannot smash! Kick the balls of scrotes we cannot kick! See a guy with a 10 degree, blast him in the face. A guy with un-earned dog tags, break his knee.

I know we here would all like that very much.

Sincerely
-Lord of the Douche
 

I, too, say f-it: I'm a Fan of the 'Bagnon, and not just because he could tie me into a Seaside pretzel.

Now, I am not saying that Ol' #7 should not be amongst the panopoly in the HoS-- that he has earned by his staunch 'bagcessorization of the HCs.

Yet, he earns our respect simply because he is *so* freaking consistent.

He is the Cal Ripkin of clubbery.

--Vinny Scumbaglia
 

"the cal ripkin of clubbery"

Classic

-LOTD
 

Check Cro Bagnon out here

http://www.myspace.com/brockcupo
 

This guy is a douchebag for sure...He'll be dead at age 32 of kindey failure..but at least his hairstyle is only 3 yrs out now ...
 

CRO's Blurb:


"The names Cupo.....don really got a first name got drunk one nite an lost it somewhere, who nows, yeaaaa not gonna lie there aint a damn mother fucker out there like me im pretty much the craziest fuck youll ever meet, i tend to get myslef into trouble over stupid shit an ill do anything for a good laugh... trust me.. haha im a true meathead i don give a fuck i admit it an love every second of it.. get big or die tryin.. if u don no me i probaly seem like a prick but im really the nicest guy ull ever no if ur good people, i do ne thin for the people i love but if ur a doushbag ill let u no strate up.. but anyway at nite i work as a bouncer at bliss nite club the old joeys in clifton garunteed sickest club rite now ANYWERE sick shit its time to break skulls wit tha gorilla crew again hahah shits gonna get crazy in c-town well besides that shit i goin back to school again 4 yet another shot at being a brain surgeoan but this time im goin to bergen fuck ccm haha well thats abt all you need to no and o yeaaa to answer everyones damn annoyin question so u can all leave me alone abt it, brock is my pet alligators name u stupit fucks peeaccce"

Awesome
 

This guy is truely amazing and i hope the owner of this site dedicates a huge segment to him
 

are the majority of guys from jersey douchebags?
 

so this is what they do with the gorillas when they are done with acting. they dress them up and release them into bars to sip on starbucks mocha, and scare away all the other douchebags. i suppose you aren't that bad. i wonder if they taught him how to talk?
 

Uh, yo! Where's the money? You owe Mr. Scalpone eight g's!

Nunzio, grab his legs.
 

Didnt the Old Biff have those same big gray sideburns in Back To The Future 2?
 

I am in awe of Pinky's magnificent sweater puppies...a couple sizes smaller and they would be popping out. Still, a man can dream. And Cro Bagnon doesn't look as intimidating when he's all cleaned up...a shame, really. As someone said, it kind of takes away some of the scroteness. But Pinky...mmmmmmmmmmmmmm