I am disturbed by the cup he seems to be using to catch the milk of human kindness from the Hotties pendulous, and obviously lactating udders. Creamy 'tash by midnight, party of two? I think so.

GB
 

That is johnny blaze. I can never forget that douche.

-Haagen Douche
 

Or that hottie for that matter.

-HD
 

i think her waist is 4". 4 glorious inches. Is that a FUPA though?
 

I think it is teak stained douche who has the 4" - and there is no glory in that.

GB
 

Not sure, but I think this is Joey Blaze. In some sort of scientific douchification, they have merged into one indistinguishable douchebag.

Oh, she's hot.
 

Johnny Blaze and his Lindsey Lohan dancer gf hottie.
 

Old school! Seeing Johnny Porche here is like watching an old Lakers Celtics finals from the 80's on ESPN Classic. Except that I like to watch basketball, and seeing this douche with a 105 lb (wet) pushup bra'd hottie makes me want to burn down old growth forests. Still, the rage is familiar, like an old friend. Ah, the good old days, when hotties were lustful and the douche was scrote. Welcome back, Kotter!
 

Nice little phone pouch, you greasy fruit bucket.

- boatbutter

As an aside, any idea as to how Joey pronounces his last name? Does he hit the "e" like the Germans, or does he stick with one syllable?...Joey Porsch or Joey Porsch-uh?

50 of her is what's promised in the afterlife to those towelheaded assholes who blow themselves up.
 

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just when you thought it was getting safer, DB1 serves up some Johnny Blaze. even though she suffers from a slight case of butter face, she's all kinds of Jersey Hott. and nice beard Johnny. did that come in a kit?

additionally, the guy in the background has more chins than a chinese phonebook.
 

You know what? We may be having an effect on him. His clothes are far less douchey than usual.

Whatcha think?
 

mazz, i think he left his bedazzled jacket back at his table. like you, i'd hope that maybe we've helped him see the error of his ways, but the douche runs strong in this one. he's lost and she's one hot tomato.
 

In case there is any confusion www.myspace.com/johnnyblazeme

-Haagen
 

mazz, I think you're right. His clothes are less douchey in this pic...but his idiotic hair, greaseball complexion, hand gesture, and classic Blaze expression make up for it.

You may have a point though. His being regularly skewered here at HCwDBs may have had a toning down affect on him.
 

Don't forget guys, a leopard can't change it's spots. His douchey clothes are at the dry cleaners.

That gay little pouch is killing me.

- boatbutter
 

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The first thing I noticed when I glanced at this photo was his leather sidekick holster. I like how his shirt is tucked underneath it instead of over to make sure every notices how awesome and modern his tastes in electronics are.

Good luck on the music production career of yours, Johnny.
 

Yeah ... brings me back to what? A whole month ago? Things were so much simpler back then ...
 

The Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaze!

Your hott is scrumdiddlyumptious and her wee waist is beguiling. It only makes sense that it's so tiny: nothing could grow in the shade of that thunderous rack.
 

That's a quick draw holster. Johnny is so cool his phone calls are more important then ours.

And by cool of course I mean douche.

Holy hottie though Johnny, wait till she wakes up one morning and realizes what a wank you are.
 

Is it just me, or is Hottie's outfit fucking tragic? It reminds me of a bad porn version of Buck Rogers or something.

In a good way.
 

I bet she says things in other languages when you make love to her. Unless you're me and then she'd be saying things in English like, "Is it in yet?" or "Done already?"

I bet he gets money, spends money, and stays fly. I bet he lives by those three codes.

I bet he refers to himself as a "guido", which apparently is defined as spiking hair and tanning, driving fast, expensive cards, and blaring music. None of which, as a proud New York Italian, I do.

I bet he also doesn't realize that many people, like me and my entire family, worked hard to dispel the stereotypes while upholding the good things about being Italian, starting with not referring to ourselves with jingoistic slang.

But what do I know? I'm just an anonabag.

- Ryan Seadouche
 

He never wears shades because he lies to show off his blue eyes. Probably contacts.
 

I know you're just trying to show a shining (a la grease) example of source douche, DB1, but you have to keep in mind there are people viewing who don't have alcohol readily available.

Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

After combing the deep nauseating depths of myspace for the hottie/douche combo I am starting to hit a wall.

Most of the pages I come across now are just scrote wannabee models and chicks whose major goal in life is to have a banana inserted in them on the cover of Penthouse.

My question to you guys/gals is this: Which is worse; A guy who has his entire page set up where all the photos are of him half-naked with no chicks in sight...orrrr...Johnny Blaze Me?
 

Back to basics - thanks!

It was looking grim for a while there. Dweebs, Preppies, fattie tattoos gomers - Your aim was a little off. Fortunately you've regained your focus!!! A greasy d*ckless wonder poseuring with Hott for our puking pleasure!!!

Vive La Douche!!!
 

Hey JG! isn'tJohnny boy here a project of yours toi be un-douched?
 

@Douche, Esq.-
The only thing that could make her outfit more tragic? Big huge dumb shoulderpads. They're probably there, we just can't see them.

@Vesdouchey-
Not having booze handy when looking at this site is your own damn fault. Get a bottle, put it in your desk.
 

hey now Ryan Seadouche.
you are not an anonabag.

at least you sign off on your funny comments. i mean, you COULD get a blogger name, but it's still cool if you don't. it's not like those of us with blogger names are in a secret society or anything. unless you live in your mom's basement and you've never kissed a girl like me. then, you're in a secret society.
 

@vader, you drink at work?? any openings there?
 

someday pfah when the personal lives of government and political employees is not the business of the Fourth Estate I shall release my inner blogger.

until then, i'll be happy with listening to the parties the girls downstairs from me throw and harken back to a time in college when i'd actually be there making an ass out of myself.

plus you must've kissed a girl as your wife doesn't look Mormon.

- Ryan Seadouche
 

No she doesnt. And I'm wondering if they have more like where found her and how do I get there?
 

Ah, seein' Johnny Blaze again is like a breath of stale air. Putrid, gagging, stale air. Bubbling up from the depths of the East River.

@DV - I think she is sportin' shoulder pads. Her gorgeous mane conceals her left, but there's definite evidence of costume alteration on her right.

I'd be happy to perform Chinese Laundry on her dress by steaming out the wrinkles with my breath.
 

@pfah-
I work from home mon, the bar is always fully stocked, ready to deliver me from the ills of deadlines or conference calls (which is daily). Of course, the bar is waaaay over in the kitchen, and after having seen some of the atrocities on this site, sometimes that can just be too far away. That's why I keep this bottle of Woodford here on my desk...it's been there ever since the first picture of the Creeper.
 

Basics are good, but I think that a smorgasbord of douche can only be a good thing. Think of it as a nosegay of knobheads. A mélange of morons. A omnium-gatherum of douche. Variety is the spice of life after all.

Basic is good though, as this specimen clearly shows. But keep throwing in the wild cards. It is like finding the red M&M in a pile of horse shit. It gives me a thrill, makes my ovaries shrivel, makes my nipples retract, but I still need another hit once in a while.

GB
 

This guy is a great source of douchery...ply him with vodka and a camera, this site will have content for years.
 

@ryan & idouche, you're right guys. i have, in fact, kissed a girl. and you're right on a second point. she's not mormon. i had to travel to greece to find each other. it's nice there this time of year, but it's full of tourists.

@vader, home office? damn dude. you could work in your boxers with a cold one in hand. i am jealous.
 

pfah- is that a soul patch I spy in your avatar?
 

That look on his face...it approaches Peaches in it's statue-like constancy. He has undoubtably spent more time practicing this Blue Steele gaze in the mirror than I have spent on the crapper...and that is saying something, folks. She is just another prop in the movie of his life, starring him.

She's smart enough to understand that she won't make it through life on her smarts, and she's not blonde, so she's consolidated her future through a hedge investment of $5k on hyperinflating her rack. She's dumb enough not to realize that Johnny Blaze's wealth is imaginary and exists only on his myspace page.

They should both be sent to China and sterilized against their will using Bob Barker's dentures.
 

THE BLAZE IS BACK !!!!! and by back i mean a Pipefarter. I like that you got back to the basics. We were being overrun with poolbags and doggie bags. this is where it all began. If you cant love the orange douche, who can you love?

@ sock..... take a look at a peaches pic and then look at this. not even close.
 

b.a.g.: Agreed, he's no Peaches. He has the uni-face expression down, but he has miles and miles to go before he would be worthy enough to be Peach's toilet paper. And shit on him would be redundant anyway.
 

yes ronald. i rock the soulpatch. don't hold it against me. i've had it for 21 years.
 

@ pfah......... you're a baghunter and a damn good one, but i have to be honest. your hottness backpack is really beginning to upset me. Not that you dont deserve to be with her, cause you do. but i just dont know. You're an ok guy. you're not orange tan, no smug looks, no popped collars, no shirts with wings on skulls, no bling, tilted hats, etc. you're just a regular guy. you put your pants on one leg at a time like me. you should be with a plain jane uhm..... Sandra Bullock in love Potion No 9 before she got hot.

why dont you go on and be a douche so i could justify the semi-jealousy/rage i have for you. i wouldnt even call it that. you're like the good guy from another neighborhood that got with the ultra hot nice girl next door. its like you two deserve eachother but only in a douche/bleeth relationship. Pop your damn collar Pfah........ do it!!!!
 

Per the links on JB's Myspace page, her name is Tiffany (shocking, no?) and she is *ahem* 19.
 

kind words my dear friend b.a.g. and they are truly appreciated.

it's all true. i'm a regular guy. i put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. except, once my pants are on, i make gold records.
 

Bruce Dickinson? THE Buce Dickinson?
 

you got it pal.
 

That means she's legal :)
 

To: All regular posters, anonabags, bleethed out girls, and of course, Pumpy/Peaches/Joey Porsche wanna-bes

From: Ryan Seadouche

Subject: Nomination

Date: August 14, 2007

I move to motion the nomination of Pfah as DB2. This would permanently and forever remain solely a honoraria, to be designated as such for being a regular and entertaining poster. Furthermore, it carries with it a weight of 2 for those suggestions for Hall of Scrote.

We as the HCwDB Community denizens, and thus it's "Board of Directors" a la landowners in ancient Greece, reserve the right to remove aforementioned title should his sideburns get any longer or his soul-patch become chin pubes or any future transgression not identified herewithin. Though a man of sublime being we expect not to ever have to exercise these powers, yet a system of checks and balances, however superfluous, is always warranted.

As DB1 remains our reason for being here and entertained, Pfah contributes greatly to this community making my crappy, underpaying 9-5 job only slightly more depressing because I could be hanging out with beautiful women in Greece or directing some kind of artistry even though I'm unable to draw stick figures.

For their contributions, darksock, douchetorius b.a.g., douche vader, idouche, ian, david douchelhoff, lemontart, jailergrrl, kellybelly, and 'bagamemnon, among others but by no means the only ones, shall be recognized for their constant and humorous/biting/sarcastic/poignant/bitchy commenting enabling the rest of us to have a goal to reach for. Namely having a life.

Furthermore, I implore DB1 to consider creating a favorite comment section perhaps as a monthly feature. This would memorialize and forever perpetuate the things said here and could add perhaps another 20-30 pages to his book for which he could charge $5 more and thus make much more cashish (to which I make no monetary claim).

Since this will most likely be the last post in this thread until the sun sets on the West Coast, I move that nobody actually recognize this unless you really like reading pointless ramblings by a slightly drunk guy.

I set upon this declaration hereforeto my sign and signature this 14th day of August of 2007 in the year of our Lord.

Respectfully submitted,

Ryan Seadouche
 

I think it is time that we embrace the "sidekick" phone as a douchebag accessory. Most douches I come in contact come complete with a "sidekick".

Nay or Yay?
 

Pfah 12:33 PM:

I kissed a girl like you, once. Almost turned me gay. ALMOST.

Er, sorry? Was that too high-school-cliquish ass-kissy? Wouldn't want to bring down the approbations of any lurking Anons out there...

Ah, Johnny Blaze... Here's something guys like him I've seen on this site make me wonder about: Do they have a guy in their "posse" whose sole job is to photograph them? I mean, how the hell do they generate the volume of pics that they do? There's probably a total of two dozen pics of me from the last 10 years in existence, yet these d'bags get photographed like paparazzi chasing Madonna having a lesbian love affair with Brittney Speers, both of them running around without panties. Or a skirt...

BTW, it sucks being a West-Coaster posting on HCwDB.
 

Mr. Seadouche,

i am humbled by your request. i'm not sure this motion will ever be approved, but am extremely grateful for your nomination. even if the title of DB2 is not bestowed upon me, i'll still consistently post to this site, because i believe in my heart of hearts that we do make a difference out there. and that, my fellow 'baghunters, is really all we can ask for. well, that, and free beer.

douche on.
 

@squatch...
if you'd just shave your shoulders, maybe we'd have had something between us. alas, it was not meant to be. at the very least, we have HCwDB together. i wish you all the best.
 

I actually have this douche and the infamous JoeyPorsche in my friends list on Myspace, just so I can study the douche in his natural habitat.

Plus, they each have pics of hot girls that are good for a wank after a few cold ones on a weekend night.

Just don't leave them a drunken comment about the hot girls or they'll delete it. Fuckers.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Pfah 8:28 PM:

Um, I was referring to "it's not like those of us with blogger names are in a secret society or anything. unless you live in your mom's basement and you've never kissed a girl like me."

I hope I wasn't being too obscure. Or obtuse. Lord knows, I'm prone to both. Nevertheless... I always will treasure our HCwDB days together.

OK. I think I'm gonna cry now... Dammit. I promised I wouldn't do this...
 

Ok, I'm sorry to bring us back on topic - and I don't know; I also have this jealousy thing going on against pfah, though it's on "simmer," right now - he's so damned nice, got a hot wife, he's funny as shit, gets to post _at work_, instead of after midnight - Ok, I'm going ratchet that up to low boil, for a few minutes - so I'm going to be contrarian and vote No on the motion on the floor, sorry - but she looks odd.

I like the color of her dress, though the shoulder-pads don't move me. What are we saying, here: early '90's? But what's with her gut? Looks like she's about two or three months in the oven. What the hell...?

This is sad, really, but... I miss Peaches.
 

Bag, Douche Bag 9:43 PM:

I agree, Pfah's a good guy, that's why we mess with him in the comments. Wouldn't pick on ya a little if we didn't like ya. Hehehehe!

I miss Peaches too. Good God, did I actually type that! The guys at work loved the Peaches montage, they call me "Peaches" now. Because, well... there's a bit of 'bag in me. I don't mean to, but I have the attitude, unfortunately. Part of my personality.

There. That should satisfy the high-school-clique ass-kissies for the day. I mean, SOMEONE'S gotta do it...

Where's my lipstick? I need to refresh.
 

Shit! Lipstick, lipstick, lipstick...

How the hell am I supposed to go out and meet hotties without my lipstick! Grrrrr...
 

@Seadouche-
Are you kidding me?! Pfah as DB2?! No fucking way. Sorry, but I must STAUNCHLY oppose.
Why? Several reasons. First of all, I consider that guy my arch nemesis. Now, on that basis ALONE, he should be nominated for DB2. Which of course means I am way off topic. Where the hell was I? Oh yeah.
Reasons why Pfah shouldn't be DB2:
1) his spelling. Have you ever tried to read his goddamn comments? It's like honky ebonics. I can barely make out what he's saying, and usually that is only after a couple whiskeys. At least DB1 has a spell checker.
2) he has a hot wife. Hello, have you read DB1's manifesto? DB1's like the anti-douchebag douchebag, ie, he DOESN'T get the hot chicks, while Pfah fucking MARRIED ONE. He's got her under CONTRACT FOR LIFE. DB1 has Ho Hos and Night Train. Not the same thing.
3) and most importantly, when called (by me) on just how much of a douche he really was, he answered "10%", just this week. WTF?! You're going to nominate a guy to be DoucheBag2 who only considers himself a 10 percenter?!
No goddamn way. I have never used this term before, because I felt that it should be saved for the gravest of situations, but it must be used now. I call...DOUBLE SHENANIGANS. That's right, you heard me: DOUBLE SHENANIGANS. I put it to you, Seadouche - I'm not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the DB1. Baghunters!
 

this looks more like Johnny Blaze, if i have to make a call.

this is his best hottie yet. instead of spewing my usual venomous tripe at this pic, i will take this rare occasion to look on the bright side: at least he isn't doggie-ing the hottie.

now we wait for a pic of this scrote doggie-ing this chocolate perfection. after which i will immediately seek to be sedated.
 

Apparently out Lindsey Lohan hottie here, who is legal, is a club dancer in Rhode Island. If we have any intrepid baghunters out there, they can easily find this one, who is legal.
 

No offense to pfah, his comments are always gold, but as Connor MacLeod says, "there can be only one."

- boatbutter
 

things are getting weird
 

@vader, "honky ebonics"?!? wow. and here i thought my spelling was getting better. curses. my coffee almost ended up in my keyboard. ass.

my wife gets a big kick out of you guys. she appreciates the compliments. i, on the otherhand, want to bitchslap you.

a appreciate ryan nominating me for such a great honor, but to be honest, like boatbutter said, "there can only be one".
 

Motion to Table accepted. Vote of 3-1. Pfah remains just a bald guy with a soul patch and hot wife.

Any new business? Any old business?

Seeing none Motion to Adjourn.

Seconded.

This meeting is adjourned.

As a point of note, I was thinking that if DB1 was Jesus, Pfah could be the Pope. And I guess I'm going to hell now because of that metaphor (and the fact that I eat meat on Fridays during Lent).

- Ryan Seadouche
 

@ Ryan Seadouche:

If e'er there was a DB2 it would be Pfah. But I think it would be more appropriate to bestow DB1 with the power to levy taxes and raise an army. Vader could be the General. Pfah could be Cheney. KellyBelly could be an intern. and so on. Then we could declare that all the night clubs in New Jersey harbor weapons of mass dick suction and annihilate them with nukular weapons. Because if we don't defeat the tourists over there, then they'll bring the fight over here.

Then we can annex the Sudetenland...yessss....
 

@Darksock,

But you and I may not be availble for that fight if Mr Dean doesnt take a hard right turn.
 

@idouche,

Crap. I didn't know about Dean. Go to weather underground and look at their computer models; the red line is always right, and it shows tropical storm Dean already steering north around Haiti.

Thanks for the heads up, idouche, and by heads up I mean the titty twister to my colon.

It's all over.
 

@DS - Brillian post! I'm pretty sure I interrupted a meeting when I bellowed out lauging after reading "defeating the tourists"!
 

I agree with Vader. Pfah you contribute a lot, but when i think of a baghunter i dont think of a dude with a hot wife/backpack. i bet she never complains about anything. Probably drinks a beer too. Nah, she looks too classy for the suds. but anyways, on that premise alone you shouldnt be. DB1 was on playboy radio and may have seen some hottness while he was there. You make the Hottness scrambled egg sandwiches in the morning. But if you weren't so cool, we'd all hate you. and by hat you i mean call you a douchebag
 

^^hate you. I want to give the Sockmeister an early nomination for rookie baghunter of the year. his stock continues to rise.
 

@Pfah-
Ok, so your spelling is getting better. I was drunk when I wrote that last comment and had just lost 20 bucks at poker night...please forgive the bitterness.

@Darksock and iDouche-
Duck and cover gentlemen.
 

If by "duck and cover" you mean "float and bob lifelessly", we will.
 

@darksock. I'm in New Orleans,w hich means I know what to expect. No help will arrive (except the Coast Guard, those guys are my personal heros since 05). Run, don't walk.

And to bring this full circle, we can evacuate to Rhode Island and take our PTSD bitterness our on Mr Blaze and take shelter from the storm in the bosum of Miss Tiffany and her gaggle of late-teen, early 20 Rhode Island hott. The down side is all the donated stuff we get will be douchey: Tag, used D&G clothes with perma-popped collars, hairgel and jesus bling. I'll take my insurance and FEMA money and immediately proceed to drink myself to death.
 

I'm sorry but something is just out of proportion enough with the HC (maybe the shoulder pads) to make me queasy just looking at her. There is also something about her head that makes me think "old enough to be his mother".

I am somewhat surprised that no one mentioned the strategic placement of Johnny-Boy's right forefinger - at least the way it looks in the pic - however you were doing more important things like holding kiss-ass high school board meetings that should really piss off one certain nameless individual. Good for you.
 

She looks like the bald-headed pedophile judge from "Drop Dead Gorgeous" with a wig on; kinda ruins it for me.
 

"Defeat the tourists" - +1.

But, in the interest of defeating those pesky tourists, let's just nuke the whole state. It's not like NJ has any redeeming features, anyway...
 

It has casinos. Some of us work in that industry.
 

F'sho, idouche; if not for casinos Biloxi would look still look like Afghanistan. Whereas now, it looks like Bagdad. Stupid George Bush...it almost makes me angry enough to register to vote.
 

So what do you think about my evacuation plan above? :)
 

You had me at "drink myself to death". Count me in. fuckabunchahurricanes.
 

Unless youre drinking them :)