Way too low rise slap
Chill with the body shaving
Mounds and valley yum
 

Motor boat motor
boat motor boat motor boat
motor boat I'm done
 

Chii or chill no diff
Wristband means only one thing
A red badge of douche
 

Lucious mounds of round
Ab star tatt/Chii band look dumb
Shaved 'bag should hang self
 

Dumb choad with nose bling
Ghostly reflection behind
Portends wrong coupling
 

is that her head?, does anyone have a spare life size cheese grater?.

so pathetic and lame...are they REALLY serious?
 

Bedazzled navel
Distract me from starred Fish Slap
White triangle lures

The Fish Slap denied!
He makes self-love, habit leads
to carpal tunnel
 

Shaved eyebrows flare
OOO the boobies
Wheres my machete?
 

Boobies pressed to Douche
Run from him o mounds of joy
Let ME eat your chain
 

Francis Duke of the Douche^
 

homo star makes up for lack of penis, fake tits make up fugly face, fishbox makes up for fishslap douche

Armband makes up for no testicles...
 

Some haiku on the pathos of the choad. Choads have never been explored as tragic characters - mainly because THEY ARE FUCKING CHOADS!!!! Anyway, I'm feeling sensitive/pony-tailish this morning....so here goes.....


Elbow injury
ended career of dumb jock.
Trophy babe still smiles.

-or-

Havasu calms him.
His restless soul hides behind
his terse, angry mouth.

-or-

His diamond earring
is all he has to remind
him of his mother.

-or-

Despite his anger,
she only knows to be glad
that she is with him.

- boatbutter
 

What a gay tattoo.
Oh my, how her titty balls
give me wood at work.
 

Kelly Kapowski's
Bellybutton vomits jewels
A one-star d-bag.
 

pic taken on cruise.
set sail on the S.S. 'Bag.
please hit an iceberg.
 

nice bikini girl.
but moving upward, i see
your face needs some help.
 

another shaved chest.
instead of shaving your bod,
take razor to wrist.
 

Star-bellied Fish Slap?
Seus is rolling in his grave.
Stars are the new lame.
 

Douchebag has red eyes
There's a halo above girl
Satan claims angel
 

Star not a tattoo
But mark of doucious scrotus
Helps Bleethe find a mate
 

His face is too big
Her face is eight-year-old sized
What's up with that shit?
 

Fisting rodeo
Leaves her diaphragm impaled
On hairless forearm
 

His pelvic veins bulge
Delivering a blood surge
To one inch weenie
 

Haiku early start
Is DB1 on wagon?
Hair of the dog helps
 

Fishslap! Where you been?
Still looking quite retarded.
Keep up the good work.

Dim looking hottie.
Still, you've I.Q. points on Fish.
Licky boom boom down.


-Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

Fish veins, abs destroy
eyes. Don't look lower to see
wood on be-stringed hip
 

Are 'bag's pants velour?
Or too much bleach in laundry?
Girl looks like gym slut

On the other hand
There's nothing wrong with gym sluts
Except, they like scrotes

I like navel bling
On hot chicks with perfect abs
Makes them look easy
 

Fish Slap is famous
Always with a different babe
Douchebag nonetheless
 

Et tu, Fish Slap? Stars
Make you "trendy douche," not "hard"
Like butt chin implants.
 

Damn that is Fish Slap
Could that be the same hottie?
or some other skank
 

light blue underwear
crustaceous rage muscles
wigger part in hair

cottage cheese douche
 

wristband that says chu?
overrated slut in white,
urge to puke, rising.
 

Me like big boobies
Shirtless Fish Slap irks me though
Need delicious bass
 

Chick is not that hot
I wouldnt kick her out though
For farting in bed

Lemon Tart married?
thought i heard that yesterday
What a lucky douche

Fish Slap thinks he's tough
But just oxymoronic
with that damned nose ring

Where I fucking live
If a guy has a nose ring
He's a PipeFarter
 

His name is Fish Slap.
Her name is Penny Traited.
Or Jenny Talia.
 

Looked at other pics,
Fish Slap never smiles for pic
Must fancy self tough

Hate to break the news
Shaved chest, nose bling makes him gay
Popular in jail
 

S P F 50?
Who needs that crap? They sure don't.
Carcinoma rules.


I saw that dude once
standing outside an Arby's
in Cleveland. Random

I bet when they bang
he insists that she licks the star.
He seems like the type.
 

Triumphant Return
This time with double-bubble
Fish Slap's stock rising

(and by rising, I mean falling)
 

he's a pipefarter.
she wishes his pipe was large.
both are doomed to hell.
 

ed, a prolific
Haikuist? Is 'Pipefarter'
being overused?
 

What's up with Fish Slap?
Doesn't he like girls that have
Nice heads and faces?

What does the star mean?
Since he's with a new woman
Maybe he's not gay

Still, it's possible
I just don't know what the fuck
I'm talking about
 

with no lack of hott
fishslap upgrades to bouncy
the last few too flat

--or--

boobs smile boobs smile chin
i look in her eyes forever
eat drano candy
 

tightly formed bait balls
do not ward off but entice
fish slap predator
 

Ronald's two questions
one easy, one difficult
I shall answer both

Ed likes haiku day
Provides creative vent for
Otherwise blah work

As for "Pipefarter"
Popular with haikuists
And limericists too

A creative choice
For skewering lame douchebags
It's OK with me
 

Haiku day is good.
I also like creative
vent for boring work.

- boatbutter
 

Her matronly arms
will one day flap in the breeze.
They will look like jowls.

- boatbutter
 

Throwing darts at choads
is easier than hitting
the side of a barn.

- boatbutter
 

Clearly I am bored.
I've written several haiku
and accomplished zilch.

- boatbutter
 

"Quit fucking typing
those goddamn haiku all day.
Bryant, you're fired!"

- boatbutter's boss
 

casual friday!
no pants and knee-high black socks.
my co-workers laugh.
 

I'm cracking up at
Boatbutter's unemployment
My own, coming soon
 

should have worn boxers.
balls are cold with the air on.
maybe i use socks?
 

Even Superjugs
Can't hide the fact that he's ghey.
Fish Slap likes hamsters.
 

Body is Rockin'
put a bag over her head
and boner will live.
 

It won't be log 'til
his ghey porn audition tapes
show up on the net.

I've just declared frozen marguerita Friday in my office.

Peace bitches.
 

The only fishy
With which to smite the Fish Slap:
Dreaded Candiru.

The scroady Fish Slap
Swims to Havasu to spawn
And spread his Fish Clap
 

Kill me now, or kill me later.
Star-studded douch bag,
Makes me fish-slap douche vader.
 

C'mon DB1
Shake off the grain alcohol
Put up the next douche!
 

Ronald McDouchenald
PipeFarter not used too much
Neither is "DickBoobs"

But then again "The Pfah"
just used my word PipeFarter
I feel so honored.

It is up to us
To keep PipeFarter alive
Mustn't let it die
 

hey there b.a.g.
pipefarter is here to stay,
in our hearts and farts.
 

Anon-10:08
The meter for haiku is
5-7-5, dude

Try to remember
Or risk getting slapped like Fish
You too, can do it

Also, try to use
a name when you write haiku
and limericks too

You may have noticed
Bagslayers rap to others
names make that easy
 

Darksock is correct
Today's douche has been skewered
Time for the next one
 

ed's words are so true.
names would help when conversing.
please don't be anon.
 

Hey Darksock, I think
DB1 is drunk again
Should go to rehab
 

Don't get me wrong, I
enjoy the term 'Pipefarter,'
overuse can kill
 

Late to the party.
Must soon find job with less work.
I'll haiku next douche.
 

pfah, I'm curious
Is that Mrs. pfah I see
In your avatar?

If that is the case,
You are a lucky douchebag
To have one so cute

Not that I'm leering
Just killing time 'till next douche
Do not take offense
 

No way he taps that.
Steroid shrivelling oh no.
He's a star, though. Look.

Or

He will kill her when
She leaves him and oh hell yeah
she's gonna leave him

Or

Does the armband say
Chit? Shit? Chil? Chill? And her top?
Too much room 'tween them.
 

needle pierces flesh
he loves to be thrust into
ink and jewelry? proof
 

There's just enough room
Between those two luscious jugs
To squeeze my dick in.
 

Took a closer look
at fish slap's red chu arm band
what gives with umlaut?


Last I checked, Chinese
didn't have much use for the
Umlaut. Could be wrong


I wonder if the he
has the matching red arm band
ya know, it says "ah"


Boy that was hella
lame. better quit whilst ahead
Fish slap is ur-douche.
 

Fish Slap loses hat
fifteen degree tilt hair part
compensates for loss
 

Where can I sign up
So I can have avatar
That shows who I am?

Please post website here
So when I return from lunch
I'll know where to go.

- boatbutter
 

well, on second thought
overuse has not killed douche-
bag, as seen in pic

God damn Pipefarting
douchebags, pipefarting every
god damn day, pipefart
 

Thick-waisted lake slut
demon-eyed fey ab-clencher
deserve each other
 

John, are you drunk too?
Lake slut? Sure, but thick-waisted?
You need rehab, now.

Or optometrist.
Does your boss know you are drunk?
Judge babe when sober

Her bod is superb
Built for both comfort and speed
Your standards? Too high
 

If I keep talking
In the format of haiku
Girlfriend will kill me.

- boatbutter
 

you bet your butt ed.
my avatar is my wife.
i am fortunate.

and by 'fortunate'
i mean that i have no clue
how i landed her.

maybe it's my dong.
but it could be my wallet.
no offense taken.
 

I bet it's the dong.
She's too cool to care about
How much dough he has.

- boatbutter
 

Boatbutter, I think
You use a camera pic
In "Blogger" account

It's easy to do
Just save a pic you like and,
"Blogger" will change size

Pfah is the expert
His avatars change daily
Pfah, did I speak wrong?
 

you did not speak wrong.
no offense taken. no probs.
douche on my brother.

boatbutter is right.
unfortunately, i am
hung like a damn gnat.
 

use photobucket
to host your original
jpeg. upload to blogger.
 

@boatbutter:

Set up account at
Blogger.com/start, then
Set up your profile

You can use any
Picture in jpeg format
Pic must be hosted

Upload photos to
Webshots, Photobucket, or
Imageshack.com
 

Think her jugs are fake?
You should see her strap-on wank
that she bones him with.
 

What gives DB1?
deliver us the next douchebag
or some nice sideboobs
 

Where is DB1?
Face-down in cocoa puffs
Rotting odor starts.

Go check out his pad
See if he is still alive,
our fearless leader!

If not I call dibs
on his DVD's and porn
Pfah can be new King
 

"Thick-waisted lake slut"
High watermark of this thread -
Douche on, John Edwards!
 

Damn you DB1
I need my fix, G! C'mon!
I guess I'll just work...

'Sock walks the office
finds an intern with hair gel
and calls him a douche
 

DB1 is out
enjoying the 'finar' things
in life, what a 'bag
 

Just like Pavlov's dog
We keep returning to check
but still no new 'bags

DB1 entrapped
Riding the porcelain bus
Whiskey shits can kill.

Sputt-a-chutta-chutt!
Brown spray burns rectum and nose,
prisoner of poop.

Go get him some bran
and hair of the dog Night Train
Back to work for you!
 

...intern with hair gel
Darksock, that shit is priceless!
You and pfah slay me

Today, the haiku
quality is unsurpassed
haiku on douchebags
 

Haiku blogger tips?
Style over substance reigns.
Geek Squad despondent.
 

Hrrrm.

No.

No, I'm afraid this will just not do.

We can't devolve from the righteous ideological watchdog group that I was proud to fire savage witticisms with into some sort drooling, slack jawed mob. Yes, this is Fish Slap and yes, I voted for him as HCwDBW way back when.

But. He's. Not. Doing. Anything.

He could be gesturing. He could be sneering. He could be puckering, flexing, doggie bagging, grabbing her boob, cupping her ass, sticking his tongue out in that oh-so-timeless "Wassup?" fashion, pointing at his abs, holding up his Grey Goose, flashing his shaven armpits, ANYTHING. And all he's doing is standing there with a hottie that is wearing a bikini that's arguably quite modest by the standards of your average hyper-sexualized Britneyoid. They're even on a boat, fer cris'sake! We know from past photos that there is an endless panoply of hi-jinx that a true douchebag can get up to on a boat.

But. He's. Not. Doing. Anything.

Maybe Mama Von Goolo just raised me right or maybe I'm too much of a pussy to be a hypocrite, but you don't mock someone simply because of the way they look. You mock someone for the way they act and if they act like a titannic scrotenozzle, then we have carte blanche to sodomize their psyches in any way we see fit. And it takes so little. Look at Peaches. All he had to do to bring down the hounds of Hell down upon his gigantic head was to point at a camera. Fish Slap's not even giving us that. He's just capturing a moment when his abs were flat and his women were buoyant so that when he's 78 and sitting in a bag of his own fart, he can recall a simpler time. It is wrong to begrudge him that.

One sneer, one gesture, just the slightest show of sexual objectification and you'd be reading my haiku.

But. He's. Not. Doing. Anything.

We need to reboot, people. We need to go back to our roots. It would chainsaw massacre my buzz if we were to become the sour, aimless haters that so many anons accuse us of.

Oh. And boobies.
 

The DB1 drinks,
On an airplane, whilst his site
needs updating, stat.
 

Thank you my good friends.
I am now officially
A complete douchebag.
 

Oops, picture too small.
I need to enlarge and post
again. God, I suck.
 

DB1 Lives Still!
Relieved, though, Darksock maintains
dibs on his porn, still
 

Where is DB1?
Issue an amber alert
Or an A.P.B.

L.A.P.D. should
Put a B.O.L.O. out
For our DB1

Passed out in a ditch?
Getting knob polished by babe?
We can only guess

I pace back and forth
Lab work waiting to be done
Cannot distract self

Porn typically works
But boss tends to frown on that
Use pictures on phone
 

Again, well done Ed.
 

Thank you db-out
This shit sure was fun today
Must ask for job back
 

@anon 1:02

Can't a 'bagslayer
Help a fellow 'bagslayer
On haiku Friday?

Geek Squad despondent?
What the hell is wrong with you?
Just go away, please
 

anon 1:02
'Bagslayer rule #12
goes something like this:

Never abandon
a fellow bagslayer in
his/her time of need

Help a brother out
Your soul will prosper for it
Karma exists, dude
 

I'm retching too hard to haiku.

Sorry.
 

star tat makes me puke
"chill," proclaims his red arm band
but i don't buy it
 

Nice sweatband knobtard.
Luscious hottie desires you,
Despite Cro'magnon stare.
 

Unfortunately it's "Chii," Chicago Douche Bag's answer to Ed Hardy.
Who the fuck was/is Ed Hardy anyway? Most of us know who Von Dutch was, just not the posers still wearing that shit.

I'm about to start polling every Douche I see wearing an OBEY shirt, asking them simply "Who is Sheppard Fairey?"
 

i already jerked
off today. hottie's making
my life difficult.

Fish Slap. unique brand
of poker-faced douche. make no
mistakes: he's EVIL.
 

ashamed of myself
fake rack distracts butterface
I lack all standards

-celeb douche
 

@Adamoda14: Oh.My.God. Thanks for the fashion tip, man. I'd heard of Chii, but lacking interest until now, I'd never looked it up. Found their website, where I located this particular pic on their "Celebrity Photo Gallery":

http://www.chiiclothing.com/photos/details.asp?id=11#

No, that's not a mutant Bartlett Pear. It's Steven Segal.

And his sidekicks Dickcap, Guido Mallo, and Spikey.

I'm having chest pains.

(Note to DB1 -- This site's pure GOLD!!!!)
 

holy fuck. nice simpsons reference. "my eyes, the goggles do nothing"!
 

Star-fish muscle-choad is obviously a peter-puffer.
 

"His diamond earring
is all he has to remind
him of his mother."

Holy shit that was hilarious!!!

Best haiku in this list.
 

holy FUCK, I would love to kill this guy. This motherfucker needs a nose job.
 

No haiku, just an observation: Fish Slap with a side of Butter Face.