Thursday, September 20, 2007

 

'Bag Island


What once seemed a trend has exploded into full blown cultural ubiquity: Hottie/Douchey boat mating.

I'm not sure why the presence of lounging around with Miller Lites on a motorboat brings out the inner hot-chick justification to show off her wares to neighboring scrotewanks.

But what is it about the presence of boat that allows ocean turds to float onto dry land like shriveled whale poo?

Take Grinny McPud here. Rides on the short bus? Perhaps. Ignores the hott grinding into him in favor of a "Hey dude, we rock!" gesture to a compatriot choad? Definitely.

And so we write "balls" on his head. And lust for blonde ambition.

Comments:
My teeth would like to have a playdate with the shark tooth sweetly nestled between Blonde's bosoms.

Also, my foot would like to take a trip with McPud's teeth to the back of his throat.
 
Nice Man Scrunchy!
 
i think this is Roy Stalin's son.
 
I would hump the snot out of her. I'm sure she needs it hanging with a douche like that.
 
Dangit. I tried to give this guy a pass. I really did. But the man scrunchy and DB1's "Hey dude, we rock!" line are just too much to overlook. The more I think about it, the more I want to introduce this bag to my good friend, Mr. Brick (it's the overbite). He reminds me of a guy I used to play basketball with, and that guy was an asshole.
As for blond hott, I'd like to thank you on behalf of everyone on this site for your generous contribution of cleavite, lower inner boob, and under boob. I would also like to see the lower half of your swimsuit. Of course, staring at the top half of your swimsuit without blinking for 6 minutes has caused me to go temporarily blind, so I'd have to look at the bottom half of your swimsuit the way blind people do. With my teeth.
 
Lookit the underboob on Julia-Stiles-done-right in the back there! Boy, howdee!

Lookit the jockstrap on Jamie-Kennedy-done-wrong's head. He REALLY needs to move his head out of the way. Perhaps into the churning prop.

I really really really need to price a boat.
 
Stripes looks like she's getting ready to let loose a good fart. And come to think of it, headband boy looks like he's shitting himself. This is a very colonic photo. Thank you, DB1!
 
I have to say this scroat reminds me of every evil blonde popular guy from an 80's movie. move over Billy Zapka.

Chick in the back is all sorts of hot. Not overly pretty but really sexy. That body was made for loving.

What I would't give to be that shark's tooth. YOWZA.
 
Hey, just wanted to get back to ya, Snatch, oh sorry, squatch. I'm making fun of the douchebags I encounter on this website, just like you. If you can't take it, don't dish it.
 
Looks like she's just trying to scooch by Bjorn 'bag to get over to her friend with the camera. At least that's what I'm hoping.

The two guys in the background are about to have an intimate moment.
 
Wow good call on Billy Zapka
 
@Anon 2:46-

What?
 
This guy is rocking the doucheface par excellence, and yet I have the disturbing feeling that finger will end up somewhere fun after a couple more drinks. Death, where is thy sting?
 
Okay, I'll take yellow. Too much competition for stripes, who I hope is about to dump the watermelon slushee on headmandana. (By the way, your point is lame and Peaches does not appreciate it. You better hope he never finds you.)
 
Blonde Ali Larter hottie is one of my favorites of all time. The ear lenth choppy haircut, the underboob, the pefect little persed lips.

She is my everything.

At least for this week....
 
Fuck this guy. He looks like a C.H.U.D.
 
lets not forget those legs.....yum
 
I Bling, I hope you are talking about yellow bikini and not yellow swim trunks. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Yellow Pants are Just a Suggestion
 
Is that snuggles standing straight up?
 
Yes, anon, I am talking about yellow bikini. Even if I were gay, I wouldn't go out with a guy who wears sunglasses around his neck.
 
this is the kind of guy i would love to sock in the face.
 
i bling--I like your adoption of simplistic Nash equilibrium! I'll let you have her and her delicious nipple.

Pants are Just a Suggestion--Sorry that i bling called you anon...he just missed your moniker.

Girl in amazing black bikini--I dig that you're about to dump your cup of fizzie on scroteball's head. I really do. Alls I'm sayin' is that arch bishops have lots of time to devote to pretty women. You wouldn't have to dump drinks on my head to get laid.

Though, I can be into that if you are.
 
This chick is all kinds of hot. She is busting out of that bikini about as much as I am busting out of my pants right now.

And by that of course I mean, boobies.
 
Dude can afford boats and sexual reassignment surgery. He's almost a complete woman.

"girl, you'll be a woman soooooon."
 
HCwDB of the Week nominee number 1 right here
 
What, no "pull my finger" swipe Weasel VanTrustfund? Jeebus, I'm disappointed.

And so puzzled by (but every so grateful for) Shark Tooth's suit bottom... What the hell is that? A bungee cord that goes around and around and around and around, and over and under and through? Hey, so can my tongue.
 
"Ignores the hott grinding into him in favor of a "Hey dude, we rock!" gesture to a compatriot choad?"

Speaking of which, DB1, have you ever explained the homoerotic subtext that threads its way through choad culture? I mean, what's with the astounding level of hott that is attracted to the barely-hidden "Dude, we're so pumped and awesome, we should totally fuck" douchebeef culture? Is there some kind of mathematical formula that can explain it?
 
Behold, a new douche marker, the girl's hairband. Will it or the douche sailor make it to the hos? stay tuned.
 
i repeat, i think this is Roy Stalin's son.
 
Hey. You ever consider that maybe these "hotties" are just as retarded as the neanderthal fuckwads they hang out with and that hey, maybe you wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway? Just a thought.
 
@anon6:50... absolutely.
 
"Val Kilmer's retarded brother-bag?"
 
Blonde hottie is all kinds of goodness. And that 'bag is blocking the rest of the view! I see one, two, three... yum... four lovely stripes of fabric and I want to see more.
 
Oh My God!!! When did Val Kilmer have a stroke?! Must've been right after he saw himself in Batman. At least he can still pay for pussy.

As hott as stripey is back there, my eye's are inevitably drawn to palsy'd-Val's black hole of a belly button. I keep waiting for it to go "QUAID! TURN ON THE REACTOR, QUAID!!"

Now that i get a good look at this, doesn't it kinda look like stripey is ripping Fal's ear off with her nethers? now THATS a talent!
 
Remember when Robert Downey Jr and his buddy dumped their slurpees on Gary and Wyatt? That is what is about to happen here.
It's been said enough, but the underboob is my favorite. I would lay naked in the middle of the 405 at Skirball at 5PM for 15 minutes just for a whiff of her Spring Rain.
 
As official douchebag of the NFL, I certify this choad as a TD (total douchebag).
 
After hours of tantalizing himself with his right index finger, our protagonist - Mandana Semi'tard Douche - removes said digit from his rectum and gestures to his equally mentally stunted friend to "have a whiff."
 
Is that his hair extending beyond the man scrunchie or is it Christina Applegate's tumbleweed-like pubes? Her bikini is tighter than Leona Helmsley (RIP).

the douchess of kunt
 
Pfah:

you made me look but damn if you ain't right...he looks like THAT guy.

I slept on it and I still have a boner running for black bikini girl; she's cute as a button and built like a brick Tijuana shit house. In fact, if you'll excuse me I'm going to pull some lap taffy in the executive washroom now. BRB.
 
Guaranteed they're blaring Buck Cherry right now...or Hinder...or NickleBag. Not only could Roy Stalin's son/Stroked out Kilmer be saying "Hey dude, we rock!", he could also be saying "Hell yeah bro! 'Crazy Bitch' is a sweet song! Crank it!"

-Honus Bagner, a.k.a. Honus "T" Bagner
 
I really hope that Arizona State hott is on her period and has recently seen Superbad.

Cuz that would be rad.


I also hope she's getting ready to dump her Strawberry Cosmopolitan Bartle and Jaymes all over Matthew McConadouche.
 
I would drive a pickaxe into my forehead for the chance to lick the sweat from her necklace...
 
@JimK

I don't know if the world ready to delve into the matter of douchebag homo-eroticism.

It's so thinly veiled by uber-machismo in the douchebag sub-culture, that I think all Greico Virus carriers are part of an unspoken covenant, that only condones obvious displays of man-love.

Unless some brings Nitrous....

Then all bets are off
 
This looks like a jersey frat choad on vacation. The chick should drop her cranberry and vodka on his head. The head band and sunglasses around the neck are just too much.

She is hot, but her tusk necklace indicates stage 2 bleethedom. I think she can still be saved.
 
She makes me want to do bad bad bad things.

He makes me want to slap the dog crap outta him.
 
Whatever this guy is hot!!!
 
I was fine till i got to her hands...short chewed nails with chipped nail polish,just short of a hottie
 
This girl is my best friend!!! And she is a hottie!
 
this guy is posterchild for site...you da man
 
I really wish "Hey dude, we rock!" was not in this picture. Seriously. I mean, we could count that pudgy guy in the other boat as the db couldn't we?
 
Sami: You damn right she is a hottie. I got your back on this one. And by back I mean front.
 
I just realized that those stripes are not part of an alternating pattern, but little bits of electrical tape around her crotchal-region. Fuck, I want to see what the rest of that bikini looks like, but I still think it's enough to take a break and pray there isn't a blacklight in my vicinity this evening.

Man, I miss Lake Travis...
 
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