This might be the perfect post.

Seriously, I just snorted and spit at the same time.
 

Ahoy! White Belt!
 

is it an optical illusion or is his head tiny- mandana's too tight
 

I like how she clutches her purse as his hand autonomously searches for valuables. She must have recognized this pirate as an ass pirate that steals more than booty, and by booty I mean little boy asses.
 

Yarr!!!!
Holy shit I'm still wiping away the tears from laughing.
 

Ok let's go through the douche checklist shall we:

wife beater: check
mandana: check
guyliner: check
d-bag tats: check
more jewlery than the chick your with: check
cell phone holster: check
white belt with annoying bedazzled buckle: double check

I could go on but holy shit... this guy isn't just a pirate, he's admiral of the S.S. Douche Bag.

Oh and anyone else notice this tool box has the power puff girls tatted on his forearm?
 

One of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is missing a belt.

Quite an intimidating piradouche. He has all that fake tough guy crap hanging off of him along with his phone and vlaue card from Vons.
 

arrr me hearties!!! i just had to swab the poopdeck after sharting in me pantaloons.

aye, that was fucking hilarious DB1.
 

This guy is why ninjas are cooler than pirates.

And why any straight man caught wearing a white belt should be beat to death with it.
 

Why is there a bar code on this butt pirates crotch?
I'm sure this poop-deck swabber was cheap enough for her friends to buy as a gag gift but i do hope they double-checked the scanner price at the Dollar General.
 

Isn't that the couple from Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle? He doesn't have any nasty boils on his neck this time, but pretty sure that's him.

OMG, Power Puff Girls tatt. Holy shit!

-Bagolas
 

His tats scream I've been anal raped in prison. His eyes scream I enjoyed it.

Nice beard homo, while you're checking out my ass as I leave with your pink beard my friends will be prepping the baseball bat that you will be "seeing" shortly.
 

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I think Takashi Murakami wiped his ass with this guy's arm. What are those little things? Pokemon characters?

She's infected.
 

bandana + white dude = instand douchebagery
 

He's the kind of Pirate that when the Cabin Boys are shit drunk and passed out on rum he has his fiendish ways with their hairless pink asses!

Walk the douche plank you massive scrote!!!
 

Arrrrrr! Motherfuckers, aye, this is my sister, I say, row the boat i say, swab the deck i hark, RUN WITH THE GOOSE DAMN YOU! Take down her beautiful face arrrrgh!

fuck it.
he doesn't deserve douche-jam-poetry. He deserves a good ol' fashioned lynching. A David Lynching...Eraserhead style.

Oh and the Powerpuff Girls tats are so three months ago buddy, better trade it in for a retro Doug tattoo ASAP.
 

oh and GOD DAMN THE WHITE FUCKING BELT!

or as ALL CAPS RANDY FROM B96 might put it:

OH AND GOD DAMN THE WHITE FUCKING BELT!!!!11!11!1!!!!!1!
 

ok, yes he's awful. but people-look @ the armpit...we hates it, we hates it forever.
 

I've come to expect the white belt as standard but why all that stuff hanging off it?

He's got more shit round his waist that fucking Batman.
 

"Yar, that be handsome Pete, he dances on the pier for nickels!"

***Lisa and Bart leave and toss some money to Handsome Pete***

"Arrr...you gave him a quarter, he'll be dancin all day!"
 

He looks like Ringo in those White Album 8x10's. She's heavenly.

What would you think if I wore a white belt?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your eyeliner and I'll touch up my lids
And I'll try not to give you Hepatitis C
Oh, I get by with a little help from my tat artist

the douchess of kunt
 

Holy Crack-a-Mole, what is it? Guy? Girl? Meanie of the week from Samurai Jack?

Its head is seriously misproportioned to its bloated body. It also suffers from a bad case of indecision as to which halloween costume to wear to his happy hour hunting for real men date with bff, Jennie - so he wore them all.

Sorry to say but this guy woulkd be making a leap forward if he qualified as a bag even.
 

@ the douchess of kunt,

nice Beatles refrence.

Picture yourself with a douche in a picture,
With tangerine hotties, and white belted guys.
Somebody calls you, his name's probably Vinnie.
A guy with bling the size of the sky.

Cellophane flowers given to this hot queen,
Douches are towering over your head.
Look for the girl with a lot of gay guys,
and she's Bleethed.

Lucy with a guy at the Crowbar
Lucy with a guy at the Crowbar
Lucy with a guy at the Crowbar
ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhh
 

that dude is so clearly gay inside.
 

If Captain Lou Albano ate Keith Richards and Freddy Mercury; this guy is what his shit would look like.
 

DB1 that was HILARIOUS! Look at his creepy facial hair and effeminate smile.
 

i am fairly certain this is what site blogger kofi anonymous looks like. minus the hot chick.
 

Could it be any more obvious this chick is taking this pic as a joke.

"Hey girls, lets go over and get a picture with Steve over there...this is gonna be great!"

Good for her. And by that I mean...let's see the boobies.
 

"Look out, Explodie! It's Peg Pelvis Pete, come to kill us!!!"

I wouldn't doodle the Power Puff girls on meeting minutes I needed to keep; this fart socket puts them on his flesh. Permamently.
 

Oh come on, is this NOT on the glorious HoS yet???
 

Someone seems to have drained the entire color spectrum from belts today here @ HCwDB today. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!
 

Now THAT'S a douchebag!
 

And by yay he means gay.
 

This douchebag is a pirate,
But he's never seen the see,
With tatted arms, the bleeths he harms,
Annoying you and me.

His chin is pube-infected,
On his fingers lots of rings,
With 'kerchiefed head, his eyes are dead,
When he pisses, how it stings!

He smirks and paws the hottie,
His belt loops all a'jingle,
His jeans are swollen, her dignity stolen,
In his loins a happy tingle.

This douchebag ain't no pirate,
Acting confident and smug,
He'll go home forlorn, watch gay porn,
And give himself a tug.
 

Damn third grade..."sea"..not "see".
 

Fifteen rings on a choad's two hands,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Goose.

Drink and the bleeth's flash their mammary glands,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Skyy.

The mate gave a tug to the bosun's pike,
The bosun choked on the mate's flesh spike.
And cookey's throat was marked belike.
It had been stuffed with giant scrote;
And there they lay, all good dead choad,
Frutiy as hell like Truman Capote
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Turi.
 

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Theme day on HCWDB?

I'll go ahead and get the obvious, every homo that proudly displays his white douche belt should be hung by it, joke out of the way.
 

One chain hanging off Cap'n Poop Deck's white be-starred belt is attached to his bung hole.

By Garr, that'll wake ye up smartly when his swabbie starts up the bilge pump.

Pants are Just a Suggestion
 

I know it's not Wednesday but some poems just write themselves...

Captain Jack is a fan of the 'toons
He thinks it'll score him some poon
But what he don't know
It might get him a blow
From the dude that owns this saloon

He likes Powder Puff Girls and that's brave
He's retarded, so it's not so depraved
He's in the 4th grade
But still gettin' laid
By hotties like Debra LaFave
 

you mateyfuckers that pirate is my sister take the photo down or i will have my tattoos delete your page or i might have my mandana fuckup this site and a bottle of rum and make it bleeth like your asshole after your captain gets through pounding your corsa when you visit him in the brig you motherfucking swabbies arrrgh
 

Anon that was hilarious,
and Ed, do you think this douche is promiscuous?
It seems that the limerick thing,
has the worst type of sting.
Making fun of douchebags through DB1 vicariously.
 

EDIT: Making fun of douchebags through DB1 in a manner vicarious.
 

Look at all those pretty belts lined up in a row.
Say? Are all those belts whiter than snow?
And they're on douchebags!
The worst of all the fags!
Hey that guy looks like Kid Rock, the douche, whadya know?
 

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.... gets all the DB's
 

@douchess and hanksanass - Thank you.

In the town where I was born
there lived an ass pirate, who's quite the queen.
And he told us of his life
in the land of long-round-hard-things-filled-with-seamen.

So he sashayed to a club
till he found a sea of Bleeths,
and he lived to dance and rave
in a Greico club unclean.

He sure lives in a Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean.
He sure lives in a Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean

And his friends are all club whores
who like to take it in their back doors,
and the dj begins to spin.

They all live in a Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean.
They all live in a Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean.

As they live a life of sleaze
every one of them has some herpes.
S'guy's a douche (s'guy's a douche)
sea of Bleeth (sea of Bleeth)
in their Greico club unclean.

They all live in a Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean,
Greico club unclean. (x4)
 

did anyone notice he has a powerpuff girls tatoo
 

I hope those tattoos come off in the wash. Unfortunately, in twenty years they'll probably still be there and Pirate Ass Bandit here will still be a douche. Hottie Too Hottie however, will be with me, face down on a pillow givin up the real 'booty'!!
 

Bravo! BRAVO!!!

*@ anon 5:19* scroll up...
 

@hanksanass:
Thanks for amending my obvious typo!

Anon 4:09 has Darksock written all over it
 

@ mr. scrotastic

'Twas very crafty my dear boy. And the DS call, clear as day.
 

His facial expression is very coy.. like a damsel in distress almost... you dont which one is the girl in the picture.

Oh and POWER PUFF GIRLS tattoo? WTF?
 

@mr.scrotastic
Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not Darksock, although I'll take that as a compliment, seeing as how Darksock is much loved by many on this site.
 

darksock is building in new orleans. instead of focusing his genius into his planning and architecture, he has been wasting his talents on this website.

and you praise him for that? well, i got news for you:

darksock doesn't care about black people.
 

err biloxi, same difference right?


THATS RACIST!
 

powerpuff girl tattoos. unbelievable.
 

Douchess, hanksanass, and John Edward(s): I'm speechless. Those were beautiful.
 

With the appearance of a fully blown 'bag pirate (aka douchebuckler), the question remains how long until a picture of Criss Angel shows up on here? That guy is like the king of all foppish douchebags...but with, like, magic powers, or somethin'.
 

@BCS
Love the reference to one of the truly great moments in television of our time.
I was laughing so loud my neighbors probably heard me through the walls. Sheer genius.
 

He's seriously got it all...

The mandana, guyliner, power-puff girls tattoos,the way-too-many rings and dog tags,the white/chick belt with vanity stars,the wife-beater, light-washed jeans, chains,carabiner, and cell-phone holster... it's totally overwhelming.

Any ONE of these things would classify him as a choadwanker of the upper eschalons of near-matchless and unnattainable choadbaggery.

but the funniest thing about this guy is that he thinks he is the shit. You can tell he's thinking to himself "Damn, I'm the coolest guy at this fucking party."

And I bet he's balding under that mandana. you KNOW it to be true!!!
 

Wow, never so much has one photo captured the essence of baggery!

The only thing missing is the usually gay side ways peace sign or some other pose being struck that fellow DBs use to identify themselves to one another.

Let's not forget to give credit to the photographer who captured this specimen in wild. Like Ansel Adams, many people can take pictures of bags in their natural habitat, but few can capture their true essence as this soon-to-be famous shutterbug has accomplished!

Folks-we may have douche of the year here!
 

POWERPUFF GIRLS TATTOO.
UH OH.
RING THE ALARM.
 

Get this Douche to the Hall of Scrote, immediately. Or at least get it to the alcove in the entranceway of the House of Bag. Stat.

We do have a House of Bag for storing the excess carcasses of the contenders, don't we?
 

Get this Douche to the Hall of Scrote, immediately. Or at least get it to the alcove in the entranceway of the House of Bag. Stat.

We do have a House of Bag for storing the excess carcasses of the contenders, don't we?

--Douche-osopher
 

Avast ye scaliwag! This guy's been swabbing the poop deck with his arm and face again! Save the princess from his dirty grasp! Then make him walk the plank and send him to Davey Jones' locker!

Alrighty, that's all of the pirate references I can think of now. He truly is a mega-choad.
 

a dog AND boobies? thank you kellybelly! thats better than watching cartoons with a monkey.
 

@ BCS:

DarkSock doesn't care about ANY people!

*sigh* The only difference between Biloxi and N.O. is.....New Orleans didn't get hit by a friggin' hurricane! Winds never gusted there over 90 mph. Their tub sprung a leak a day after the storm.

Can't say I'd trade places with the poor bastards though....our water came in one 30~40 foot surge, wiped us THE FUCK out (I'm the only one of the five partners that wasn't left homeless, along with 70,000 other families) and then left; but at least it was clean salt water.

Their water came and stayed; and it was nastier than old bong water after Rosie O'Donnell crapped a Havana Omelet into it.

At least they didn't vote the incompetent fucktards that failed them right back into office after the disaster....oh, wait, they did? Suffer, bitches...

I feel for those people fleeing the fire in CA, but I hope at least one of them that lost a home to the fire is one of the fuckers that posted comments on MSN like "Well that's what Katrina victims get for living there, MY tax money shouldn't go to them". Those fuckers would be FIRST in line, pushing and shoving, to get federal aid if their town got destroyed.

ehh, I'll get off my soap box now. and Fuck Fish Slap.
 

bravo sir nothing like starting my morning envisioning rosie o donnell shitting a havana omelet
 

unshaved Rosie O'Donnell; camera view from the bowl....it would look like Willy Nelson vomitting with his dentures out...*shudder*

I just made myself vomit a little.
 

thanks Darksock.

after reading your last entry, my spearmint gum might as well been bile-flavored.

*glerrcch*
 

i think it would look more like gene shalit getting his stomach pumped
 

*urk*
 

That chicks not even hot!! tinyhead douche is still a douche though.
 

WAITAMINUTE... People, people, we're getting carried away with the theatrics this douche has going on. I submit that he is at a party hyping himself up-he IS disgusting ( though I like the powerpuff girls, bitches) and he definitely believes himself to be the shit ( gross in and of itself) BUT TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT ARMPIT 'BAG. Hate him with me. This guy is a clown, literally, while the Armpit is simply being his everyday self. It's an important distinction. You think this guy spends every waking hour dressed as a makeup laden swishbuckler? No, every other time you see him he's wearing an apron and a paper hat. The Armpit's true to his douchery in a way this guy can never be because the Armpit is so unconscious, the douche is his essence...with this guy it's just a put on, a pose.
 

I see Mystery has been to the gym and the tattoo parlor. Although, I'd really hate to see what the real iron-pumping men would do to a girlie-man with POWER PUFF TATTOOS! God, Richard Simmons would make a more manly figure in the gym.
 

@ douchey howser 2:32

Yessir, ya nailed it buddy! Bravo.

My regards to the aspiring hall monitors over there at trailer park #47.
 

Hmmm, she's not hot, but for him, she's Heidi Klum....
 

What a pair of phonies! All that is missing from him is the teardrop tattoo on the eye corner indicating he might have killed a cockroach with daddy's help. She is not someone I would even dance with.
 

Jhonny depp.. I hate you, because you were the one who created this creep... It is your fault!! and by hate you I mean burn you, and by burn you I mean blow your ashes in to a nuclear reactor!!!


Is it me or blondie seems to be there against her will -check the pose she is getting her groin area off his groin area- hmmmm....

Hans Von Douchepants
 

This guy is an entertainer or I eat my socks.
 

Ohhh my god... This picture stunned me.
 

Look - it's Galliano!