Hot Chicks with Douchebags: Friday Haiku

Faux hawk and real tats
Her perfect boobs make this scrote
Grab his small package

# posted by

el doucherino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing : 7:08 AM

Hey, UPS choad.
Get back in your brown uni,
and let Blondie go.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:08 AM

sagging implants rule
Mr T. bag wants to know
whos v-neck is best?

# posted by

danny noonan : 7:11 AM

phony metal douche,
gay shirt and stupid tattoos,
boobie motorboat

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:12 AM

Mohawk so crusty.
Greasy skid mark on his chin.
Blonde hott calls police.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:13 AM

I can still see you,
Miniskirt hott in the back.
Come to Reservoir.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:14 AM

I think it's quite cute
The box, not the chaod, said Jen
And it's smarter too.

# posted by

plinky : 7:15 AM

Reflective hottie
In background calls DB1.
"I found another!"

# posted by

boatbutter : 7:18 AM

girl in the background
is calling me on her cell
for crazy phone sex.

# posted by

pfah : 7:19 AM

She told tatted choad
to put his junk in her trunk.
Now she calls clinic.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:19 AM

cheeky blond, fake tits.
your boyfriend is a douchebag.
please call 9-1-1.

# posted by

pfah : 7:21 AM

She let him touch it,
now her box is ripped and torn.
Too late to call help.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:21 AM

Narcissistic douche
Flexes for his blonde hottie
Grips light-weight package

# posted by

Clementine of Cappadoucha : 7:22 AM

sunglasses inside.
the mark of a true douchebag.
your dick in a box?

# posted by

pfah : 7:23 AM

Come, come errand boy
but walk five feet behind me
you're embarassing.

# posted by

plinky : 7:23 AM

Goldilox phoned me.
Just sold a box of porn tapes
of me bangin' her.

# posted by

Douche McAllister : 7:24 AM

really bad carpet.
must be at the Douchebag Mall.
box full of white belts.

# posted by

pfah : 7:24 AM

"Um, Chad, put it here."
"No Kate, I'm by the kiosk."
"Oh, now I see you."

# posted by

boatbutter : 7:25 AM

Just got her order
From Dildo Emporium.
He is their mascot.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:26 AM

Bimbos on cell phones-
Trying to find eachother
By Orange Julius.

# posted by

boatbutter : 7:27 AM

takes two hands to hold
a box as big as hers is.
one meat flap is up.

# posted by

pfah : 7:28 AM

Pube-chinned tatted choad --
please put down the cardboard box.
Legs as good as tits?

# posted by

Douche McAllister : 7:29 AM

He has a package
of giant saline fun bags.
She picks out new ones.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:29 AM

Brother and sister
Neither can score same age dates
troll mall for young meat

# posted by

plinky : 7:30 AM

"can you hear me now?"
says blondie in the background.
big tits, bad signal.

# posted by

pfah : 7:30 AM

That girl is Jamie Eason. She is a fitness/body building chick. That guy isn't her boyfriend either.

I think her site is www.jamieeason.com

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:30 AM

She tries to smile,
but she's given up her box
to nasty tatt choad.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:31 AM

Douche and Brady Bunch,
oh Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!
Let me have a munch.

# posted by

Douche McAllister : 7:31 AM

Oy, here we go http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/JamieEason/

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:33 AM

Douchebag Convention.
he's delivering AXE cans
to the choad sales booth.

# posted by

pfah : 7:33 AM

Chaod got his new doll
Now he and Suzie Q can
have three way party

# posted by

plinky : 7:34 AM

That CVS bag
has some antibiotics.
Grab it and run, Jen!

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:34 AM

hey Jamie Eason,
you can do push-ups on me.
then i won't call you.

# posted by

pfah : 7:36 AM

Stock boy for mall store.
More glow-lite bulbs for Spencer's.
The guy loves his job.

# posted by

boatbutter : 7:36 AM

it's Friday Hiaku.
get with the program anon.
thanks for the info.

# posted by

pfah : 7:37 AM

Douchey warehouse 'bag
I lurk behind Galaga
to steal the blonde hott

# posted by

Douche McAllister : 7:37 AM

She builds her body.
He builds his fauxhawk with glue.
Take three steps back, choad.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:37 AM

Fitness convention?
She can work her abs and glutes
while riding on me.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:38 AM

so she lifts weight, eh?
but can she bench press my balls?
probably. they're small.

# posted by

pfah : 7:39 AM

be healthy, work out.
call assassin on cell phone.
head shot to douchebag.

# posted by

pfah : 7:41 AM

Characters on shirt
Read: "The wearer of this shirt
is prob'ly an ass."

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:41 AM

Nasty facial hawk,
insert knife in sternum.
Take his bleeth and run

# posted by

d. baggins : 7:41 AM

Hott stealth 'bag hunter
Looks sweet and innocent yet
Hid pipe bomb in box

# posted by

ScroteBob DouchePants : 7:42 AM

What is blonde hottie
doing with Travis Bickle*
The world has gone mad.

*for those of you who don't know who Travis Bickle is, he was the main character in Taxi Driver who shaved his head into a mohawk at the end of the movie and went apeshit shooting up people. I know, I know, to much explaining.

# posted by

plinky : 7:42 AM

@plinky

You talkin' to me?
In this movie I hope the
girl does the shooting.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:44 AM

Homo with tattoos
carries a box full of scat
home for mealtime snack

# posted by

d. baggins : 7:44 AM

Travis takes this girl
to see a rancid porno.
She calls me for help.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:46 AM

Travis Bickle would
eat this choad for lunch, then shit
a pile of douchebag.

# posted by

pfah : 7:47 AM

Not panties in box
but douchebag's very own kit
For self tatooing

# posted by

plinky : 7:48 AM

Face hawk needs a trim
oh here? oh where? to begin
slice off his ears, grim.

# posted by

d. baggins : 7:49 AM

a body builder?
but she still has big titties.
oh wait......they are fake.

# posted by

pfah : 7:49 AM

hang on a second.
need cash from the ATM
to buy more steroids.

# posted by

pfah : 7:50 AM

douche lifts heavy box
to prove he is still a man
nuts gone-thanks steroids

the alpah douche

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:51 AM

anyone hungry?
let's go to CRISP and chow down
before we work out.

# posted by

pfah : 7:51 AM

This is prison cut
Straight from the cells of Rikers
Rape took place later

# posted by

plinky : 7:53 AM

Boob canyon loks nice
tell me she isn't his wife
only a bellhop

# posted by

d. baggins : 7:53 AM

Some of his tattoos
look red, sore, and infected.
Who wants some hep C?

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:54 AM

DarkSock shows up late;
"Dick in the box" joke taken -
lopes back to meeting....

# posted by

DarkSock : 7:55 AM

racing stripe on chin
matches the one on Jamie.
educated guess.

# posted by

pfah : 7:56 AM

I love Jamie E.
She can stretch my glutes all day
Then snap my carrot

# posted by

plinky : 7:56 AM

Some good cardio
For me now in the bathroom.
Thinking of her boobs.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:56 AM

Sunglass Hut stockboy.
Skims boxfull of douchey shades.
Gets fired Tuesday.

# posted by

boatbutter : 7:57 AM

please come back Darksock.
my brain hurts from these hiakus.
tap in, and kick ass.

# posted by

pfah : 7:57 AM

had to work today
showed up late for scrote haiku
i hope box explodes

# posted by

bcs : 7:58 AM

Jamie works her quads
pounding me like jackhammer.
She's like a machine.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 7:58 AM

woman's shirt and shades
tattoos and funky hairdoos
douchetard strength shows off

douchetard has spent years
perfecting his douchey craft
boasts his douchetard strength

nervous blonde smiles
for she knows deep in her heart
choad wears women's shades

choad is deep in love
not with slice of blonde pie
but with her wardrobe

-condoucheous

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:59 AM

hey reservoir douche,
i hope no one was in the
stall next to you dude.

# posted by

pfah : 7:59 AM

that's it for pfah.
i'm off to the beach right now.
have a great weekend.

# posted by

pfah : 8:01 AM

"Package for Johnson?"

"Set it over there douche bag,

and please, don't touch me."

# posted by

bcs : 8:01 AM

"I play in a band."

"I bet you play the skin flute."

"You have great gaydar."

# posted by

bcs : 8:08 AM

Missed early haiku
Double entendre heaven
Damn stupid day job!

# posted by

ed : 8:09 AM

Blonde's neckline plunges
Exhibiting phony tits
Gives me happy pants

# posted by

ed : 8:16 AM

Blonde's "box" jokes taken
Obvious mockery point.
Alternate target?

# posted by

ed : 8:20 AM

Hotel casino?
Another Vegas douchebag?
Blonde gambles with life

# posted by

ed : 8:22 AM

Vanilla Ice 'bag
Has not faired well since rap star
Is now mall stock boy

# posted by

ed : 8:25 AM

Douchbag infects blonde
She nervously call Rite Aid
"PENICILLIN!...NOW!"

# posted by

ed : 8:27 AM

Hot blonde with nice boobs
Calls mob boss, puts hit on 'bag
He sleeps with fishes

# posted by

ed : 8:31 AM

This is not the mall
Hotel Convention Center
Douchebag/Hott Conference

# posted by

ed : 8:35 AM

Definitely Vegas
On this past April Fools Day
Fish Slap's head in box

# posted by

ScroteBob DouchePants : 8:35 AM

Cute blonde with douchebag
Host the hotel bar party
Box filled with red cups

# posted by

ed : 8:38 AM

Ed please slow it down
you're pumping out haikus quick
Your brain's gonna pop!

# posted by

plinky : 8:40 AM

Skull and crossbones shirt
This means 'bag is poisonous.
No shit! All 'bags are

# posted by

ed : 8:42 AM

Where were your fathers
Choad and Poor Silly Jenny?
You both need advice!

# posted by

Anonymous : 8:46 AM

Plinky's first haiku
Posted at seven fifteen
I was in traffic

Must make up for loss
Brain will heal from the effort
With a little beer

# posted by

ed : 8:47 AM

Beer cures most ailments
So does nice shot of whiskey
Will also kill clap

# posted by

plinky : 8:50 AM

This haiku is bad
Distraction stops my thinking.
Faux hawks make me puke.

# posted by

Tori : 8:50 AM

I think blonde wants me
She seems to look right at me
Yes Hott, I am yours

Of course 'bag looks too,
But he's not looking at me
He's leering at Plink

Heh heh, just kidding
Plink can have a go at her
When I'm done with her

# posted by

ed : 8:53 AM

Sloppy seconds Ed?
I'll pass them on to Vader
He's cleanup batter

# posted by

plinky : 8:57 AM

Ashamed, blonde phones dad
"Will you still pay for DeVry
Cosmetology"?

# posted by

ed : 8:59 AM

CVS bag is to
Silicone bags is to
Douchebag

# posted by

Rocky_Choad : 9:08 AM

Anomalistic
Impenetrability
Homoerotic

# posted by

d. baggins : 9:18 AM

'Bag hides eyes with shades
He's indoors and with a Hott
But likes to watch dudes

# posted by

ed : 9:20 AM

D.B. sets record
Haiku with only three words
Excellently done!

# posted by

ed : 9:22 AM

Credit goes to Ed
for his haiku containing
cosmetology

# posted by

d. baggins : 9:26 AM

At a casino
he attempts to fill her slot
she bitch slaps his face

# posted by

d. baggins : 9:29 AM

Skin him like Bill would.
I'd sew his ass to his face,
now he smells crap

# posted by

d. baggins : 9:32 AM

Can we as group get
200 haikus today?
drink more coffee now

# posted by

plinky : 9:32 AM

200 Plinky?
I'll bet it's never been done
You're like Icarus?

But if you will try,
Just like Jack the Ripper said,
"I will take a stab"

# posted by

ed : 9:49 AM

Going to lunch soon
will eat and refuel my brain
Ooooh, I see new pic ...

# posted by

plinky : 9:52 AM

@ Plinky,

New pics above us
Attacks from anon below
It's tough for playahs

# posted by

ed : 10:07 AM

Brundlefly glasses
Bickle buys a Stepford Wife
she phones for recall

# posted by

John Edward(s) : 10:32 AM

200 haiku?
It seems like a worthy goal.
Then I'll be fired.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:40 AM

But if I am sacked.
I can deliver boxes
to hot booby blondes.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:45 AM

Do you guys think that
Jamie does appearances?
Appear in my pants.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:46 AM

Her muscular boobs
can probably bench press more
than both of my legs.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:47 AM

But that is O.K.
Less work for me to do when
we jump in the sack.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:48 AM

While speaking of sacks
I would fill one with doorknobs
and pound this guy flat.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 10:48 AM

Ridiculous tats,
Fine jail pussy landing strip
Bet she has one too.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:51 AM

The box is nasty,
Old, beat up, and likely smells
Akin to her box?

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:53 AM

(No time to review
Previous one hundred eight;
Sorry for repeats.)

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:53 AM

To save slutty blonde,
I offer douche free tattoo:
With poisonous ink.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:55 AM

Fish Slap-style V-neck;
Worn so much the tats bled through--
D-D-D-ouchebag!

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:57 AM

Take the blue one Neo
and stay in the reactor
until you die, please.

# posted by

d. baggins : 10:58 AM

Bubba's name on chest,
In Yiddish, reminds him of
Bubba's stank semen.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 10:58 AM

Eye-shields for bjs:
Inmates use pull-out method,
Don't get throat pregnant.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:00 AM

Fly painted on johns
In Denmark helps men aim well.
Same with blonde hott's start.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:02 AM

you guys are on it
over a hundred haikus?
where do i begin?

douchebag with the box
thinks he's gonna get some ass
go work on your lats

glasses and soul patch
what a fucked up combo there
cleavite saves this pic

little does he know
he's holding a box of toys
butt plugs and dildos

# posted by

douchetorious b.a.g. : 11:03 AM

Me move box to there.
Me have muscles very big.
Might later I score.

Yes, you should see him.
Muscles, tatts, grease, everything.
He gets me hot, ooooh.

-Amerigo Vesdouchey

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:03 AM

"Hey Jamie, I wrote
a punk rock song!" says this choad.
"Named 'Douchebag Calling!'"

# posted by

reservoir douche : 11:07 AM

It's the blonde's birthday,
So the douchebag got a gift:
His dick in a box.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:09 AM

His arms are real big
Because douchebag masturbates
Ambidextrously

# posted by

ed : 11:11 AM

She gave him a box
filled with poison to weaken.
Lets me right on in.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 11:13 AM

Goes to tatto shop.
"Just scribble furiousy!"
are his instructions.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 11:14 AM

Lifting the small box
Makes douchebag very horny--
See? Nipples are hard.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:15 AM

'Bag in cycling shades
But he is not a cyclist
He's the prison "bike"

# posted by

ed : 11:16 AM

11:02
Shouldn't end with "start"--that's dumb.
The word should be "star".

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:16 AM

My sweet bomb explodes
In the box, killing the 'bag:
Just like with hottie.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:18 AM

John Donne fans, anyone?
He writes with that 'subtlety'--
Death equals orgasm.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:21 AM

reservoir douche wrote,
"Just scribble furiously!"...
I'll clean keyboard now

# posted by

ed : 11:21 AM

I tried to tell her
She was too young to Botox--
Now her face is stuck.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:22 AM

Treasure map tells me:
Look for star twixt two mountains.
Enjoy the riches.

# posted by

reservoir douche : 11:22 AM

Inmates like mouth fine,
Even though it can't orgasm:
Their girls never did.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:24 AM

Douche is awkward here:
Gripping a package in rear
Feels more natural.

# posted by

arch 'bagger of canturbury : 11:26 AM

He sports Rectal Hair
made as his head pulls from ass
with a wet SCHLORRRP!!! sound

# posted by

Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday Haiku