Monday, October 15, 2007
HCwDB of the Month
There are some hottie/douchey pics that transcend the need to compete for votes on an internet website. I speak, of course, of The Gator.
The Gator's foul oil drenched uberdouche, and his increasingly varied selection of hottie, jumped him past the Weekly, past the Monthly, and straight into the rarified air of our beloved "Hall of Scrote."
But these four couplings don't have it so easy. They have to compete for your collective societal approval. And by approval, I mean rejection.
Four Weekly winners. But only one Monthly victor will emerge. So lest I keep ramblin' about my ramblin' amblin' weekend, here's your Finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Olive Loaf and Banana Hott
Cheesy club dude?
Or loaf of half baked bread?
The douche is high with this one, and I'm not just saying that because he has carefully orchestrated thickets of hair in perfect crop formation. I'm saying that because his face is a pimento olive in the martini glass of ass.
Banana Blonde is a half peeled popsicle stick of appeal.
Succulent thighs and one of the best dresses of all time.
But can she carry the loaf to a win in the Monthly? Is his douchitude enough?
It's certainly possible. He's uhm,... how you say,... uberscrote. A worthy finalist indeed. I now want to punch a kitten.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: 'Bag Island
There are the spectacle 'bags, and then there are the everyday fratchoads.
The type who say Bra and Dude in every other sentence.
The type who live off the trust funds, can't form a coherent sentence under threat of death, and still pull perfectly formed swim team state school hotties with bone necklaces and ripe apple boobies.
What makes the 'Bag Islander so annoying isn't just the hair device, the Miller Lite/point or the neck sunglasses.
It's the look to his off-screen buddy.
The Duuuuude, we're so living the dream!! with finger point.
No. No you're not living the dream, Miller Lite pud.
Well okay, maybe in your universe, you are livin' the proverbial dream. But that still doesn't mean I can't call you douche.
And I see you too, Bikini Red on the right taking the picture. Hi there.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Thornton Mellon Stewie Head
Some of you felt TMSH wasn't a worthy Weekly winner, but I disagree.
It's not just the football mellon head. It's the pink flushed cheecks. The receding fauxhawk. The teeny, tiny patch of chin pube.
And a cornfed hottie who makes me want to drive the back roads of Iowa and pretend to be a Country Western singer named "Biff."
Then you have the giant A/X shirt.
And a sombrero.
I'm telling you. Add in a dancing monkey and this pic would be hanging in the experimental wing at the Museum of Modern Art.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Velvet Jones
For those arguing we need to get some more brothers up on our wall, Velvet Jones represents nicely.
He is classic Eddie Murphy SNL parody douchebaggery.
A nice slice of brothabag that demonstrates once again that douchebaggery is performativity. It is found in every nook, cranny and sphincter of this wide and disparate country.
And she is fantastic strawberry cheesecake happy pants goodness.
She's probably named Amanda. Or Kelly. She watches American Idol and dreams of writing children's books.
But now Velvet's showin' her some luve.
And the rest of us can only recoil in the hottie/douchey wrongness. And the velvet shirt. Seriously. Velvet, Velvet Jones? And does your mustache talk?
So them's your four. Four enter. Only one can win.
I don't envy you this task, people. Each of these pics brings powerful and unique attributes to the hott/choad duality that tasks us all.
Is it Velvet and Strawberry? Or perhaps it's the classic fratchoad on the boat in the 'Bag Island Experience? Or the lusty perfection of Banana Hott and the Olive Loaf? Or does the cartoonish ridiculousness of Thornton Mellon Stewie Head take the Monthly prize?
It's a food fight Monthly.
Which cohabitation of hump worthy hott and rotting zombie corpse douche make you want to cry "Uncle!" and smash your head into a metallic underpass? That, fellow 'bag hunters, is up to you. Four servings of douche-meat and hott. But only one can triumph.
Which will it be?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
The Gator's foul oil drenched uberdouche, and his increasingly varied selection of hottie, jumped him past the Weekly, past the Monthly, and straight into the rarified air of our beloved "Hall of Scrote."
But these four couplings don't have it so easy. They have to compete for your collective societal approval. And by approval, I mean rejection.
Four Weekly winners. But only one Monthly victor will emerge. So lest I keep ramblin' about my ramblin' amblin' weekend, here's your Finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Olive Loaf and Banana Hott
Cheesy club dude?
Or loaf of half baked bread?
The douche is high with this one, and I'm not just saying that because he has carefully orchestrated thickets of hair in perfect crop formation. I'm saying that because his face is a pimento olive in the martini glass of ass.
Banana Blonde is a half peeled popsicle stick of appeal.
Succulent thighs and one of the best dresses of all time.
But can she carry the loaf to a win in the Monthly? Is his douchitude enough?
It's certainly possible. He's uhm,... how you say,... uberscrote. A worthy finalist indeed. I now want to punch a kitten.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: 'Bag Island
There are the spectacle 'bags, and then there are the everyday fratchoads.
The type who say Bra and Dude in every other sentence.
The type who live off the trust funds, can't form a coherent sentence under threat of death, and still pull perfectly formed swim team state school hotties with bone necklaces and ripe apple boobies.
What makes the 'Bag Islander so annoying isn't just the hair device, the Miller Lite/point or the neck sunglasses.
It's the look to his off-screen buddy.
The Duuuuude, we're so living the dream!! with finger point.
No. No you're not living the dream, Miller Lite pud.
Well okay, maybe in your universe, you are livin' the proverbial dream. But that still doesn't mean I can't call you douche.
And I see you too, Bikini Red on the right taking the picture. Hi there.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Thornton Mellon Stewie Head
Some of you felt TMSH wasn't a worthy Weekly winner, but I disagree.
It's not just the football mellon head. It's the pink flushed cheecks. The receding fauxhawk. The teeny, tiny patch of chin pube.
And a cornfed hottie who makes me want to drive the back roads of Iowa and pretend to be a Country Western singer named "Biff."
Then you have the giant A/X shirt.
And a sombrero.
I'm telling you. Add in a dancing monkey and this pic would be hanging in the experimental wing at the Museum of Modern Art.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Velvet Jones
For those arguing we need to get some more brothers up on our wall, Velvet Jones represents nicely.
He is classic Eddie Murphy SNL parody douchebaggery.
A nice slice of brothabag that demonstrates once again that douchebaggery is performativity. It is found in every nook, cranny and sphincter of this wide and disparate country.
And she is fantastic strawberry cheesecake happy pants goodness.
She's probably named Amanda. Or Kelly. She watches American Idol and dreams of writing children's books.
But now Velvet's showin' her some luve.
And the rest of us can only recoil in the hottie/douchey wrongness. And the velvet shirt. Seriously. Velvet, Velvet Jones? And does your mustache talk?
So them's your four. Four enter. Only one can win.
I don't envy you this task, people. Each of these pics brings powerful and unique attributes to the hott/choad duality that tasks us all.
Is it Velvet and Strawberry? Or perhaps it's the classic fratchoad on the boat in the 'Bag Island Experience? Or the lusty perfection of Banana Hott and the Olive Loaf? Or does the cartoonish ridiculousness of Thornton Mellon Stewie Head take the Monthly prize?
It's a food fight Monthly.
Which cohabitation of hump worthy hott and rotting zombie corpse douche make you want to cry "Uncle!" and smash your head into a metallic underpass? That, fellow 'bag hunters, is up to you. Four servings of douche-meat and hott. But only one can triumph.
Which will it be?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:23 AM 
Comments:
For teaching me how to hide my male-pattern baldness with a black caesar and warm up my upperlip with a Billy D. Williams sweater 'stache, I must vote for Velvet Jones.
He is one bad-
shut yo mouth!
-I was talking about Velvet Jones.
He is one bad-
shut yo mouth!
-I was talking about Velvet Jones.
The douche/hott polarity displayed by 'Bag Island is enough to make Stephen Hawking stand up and scream.
# posted by 
: 7:14 AM
: 7:14 AM
Olive Loaf.
Here's why:
Banana is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. I have a hankering to test my theory that her dress is edible, like a fruit roll-up.
He's overwhelmingly douche. He lives in a house on stilts overlooking the 34" rim plant. He's spent at least $300,000 on cars this year. Twice that on Drakkar and Axe. His gel skills are lacking, but, I ask you, my friends, isn't that what being a douche is all about?
Here's why:
Banana is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. I have a hankering to test my theory that her dress is edible, like a fruit roll-up.
He's overwhelmingly douche. He lives in a house on stilts overlooking the 34" rim plant. He's spent at least $300,000 on cars this year. Twice that on Drakkar and Axe. His gel skills are lacking, but, I ask you, my friends, isn't that what being a douche is all about?
Even though I am tempted to cast my lot in with Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie, aka Stewie, I've gotta go with my gut on this one and puke up a festering olive loaf and banana sammich.
The Loaf, by a slice.
The Loaf, by a slice.
Bag Island, no question. Blondie McGoodness taught us all how to love again by making a bikini bottom out of a boot lace. I dream that her little sneer is evidence of the following thought process: "Hey, why am I here? I need to escape this trust fund douchefest and go find reservoir douche, because he's got the lovin' I need."
And Headband Bag taught us that the age-old douche move of biting your lower lip and pointing to your bra off camera can still be made new again.
And Headband Bag taught us that the age-old douche move of biting your lower lip and pointing to your bra off camera can still be made new again.
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
I have to go with Velvet Jones. It revolts me that strawberry cheesecake can be next to this douche. I can just see him getting ready to going out with a Colt 45 in hand while applying his Soul Glow and listening to the sounds of Sexual Chocolate.
# posted by : 7:39 AM
: 7:39 AM
I had to flip a coin between Olive Loaf and Bag Island; both have transcendental hotties.
*flip*
Bag Island it is.
*flip*
Bag Island it is.
Good God. A superior collection of Hott/Ballsac this month, DB1. This is going to take some thought...
#1 Banana Hott makes my banana chiquita. Her sultry style, not leaving much to the imagination, should be commended and encouraged. She is outstanding. She was enough to carry Olive Loaf in the weekly, but is that enough to take the Monthly?
#2 'Bag Island. Cripes. The 'baggery is strong (what's with the fagdanna hair?) and the hot is Hott...but not Banana Hott.
#3 Mellon. I've had my fill of this douchebag, and have no interest in being subjected to his halibut-like visage again in a HCwDBotM award ceremony. Fuck him.
#4 Velvet Jones. Oh my. Tantalizing Hott with grade A cleavite. But, aside from the 'bag tags/upper lip pubes, his facade doesn't scream douche. He's just rockin' his style.
#1 Banana Hott makes my banana chiquita. Her sultry style, not leaving much to the imagination, should be commended and encouraged. She is outstanding. She was enough to carry Olive Loaf in the weekly, but is that enough to take the Monthly?
#2 'Bag Island. Cripes. The 'baggery is strong (what's with the fagdanna hair?) and the hot is Hott...but not Banana Hott.
#3 Mellon. I've had my fill of this douchebag, and have no interest in being subjected to his halibut-like visage again in a HCwDBotM award ceremony. Fuck him.
#4 Velvet Jones. Oh my. Tantalizing Hott with grade A cleavite. But, aside from the 'bag tags/upper lip pubes, his facade doesn't scream douche. He's just rockin' his style.
# posted by : 7:54 AM
: 7:54 AM
Oh, can't they all win? Where's the participation award for this? Like a dusty old bowling trophy with one of the arms broken off like they sell at Goodwill ... except filled with poo, hairgel, fake tan in a bottle and a can of axe. Kind of a douchey gift basket.
This one's tough ... Stewie is a canker sore, but seems a little out of his league. Velvet doesn't really bug me for some reason, though I keep waiting for him to hold up a bottle of Colt 45 for the camera and speed off in the Millenium Falcon. Maybe that's me.
That leaves the frat choad from 'Bag Island and one greasy stale old Olive Loaf in serious contention here. What can be said about Peeled Banana Hottie that hasn't already been said? That dress makes me as hot and bothered as when little Kerry Skelton used to unintentionally brush her pre-adolescent boobs against my shoulder in 6th grade science ... I'm not walking towards the blackboard any time this period. Her greasy shaved-eyebrow stool (get it? double entendre? stool? he's a piece of ... oh, nevermind) looks like a french fry left in the greasepit for too long, cast out, covered in hair, then shat upon.
On the other hand, nothing in this world boils my blood like a frat douche with a non-deserved sense of self-entitlement, case in point 'Bag Island. That smarmy little "you, bra, we're the shit!" point, the can of beer-flavored water, the sweatband, the hottie in black behind with those perfect little curves he;'s apparently 100% oblivious towards because he's busy with self-congratulation ... the Hindenburg was a lesser disaster than the state of affairs shown here. I want to repeatedly kick him in the face until that look on his face is gone.
I've gotta go with 'Bag Island. And find a way to hide whiskey in my coffee at work if this is how I'm going to start my days now. Ugh.
This one's tough ... Stewie is a canker sore, but seems a little out of his league. Velvet doesn't really bug me for some reason, though I keep waiting for him to hold up a bottle of Colt 45 for the camera and speed off in the Millenium Falcon. Maybe that's me.
That leaves the frat choad from 'Bag Island and one greasy stale old Olive Loaf in serious contention here. What can be said about Peeled Banana Hottie that hasn't already been said? That dress makes me as hot and bothered as when little Kerry Skelton used to unintentionally brush her pre-adolescent boobs against my shoulder in 6th grade science ... I'm not walking towards the blackboard any time this period. Her greasy shaved-eyebrow stool (get it? double entendre? stool? he's a piece of ... oh, nevermind) looks like a french fry left in the greasepit for too long, cast out, covered in hair, then shat upon.
On the other hand, nothing in this world boils my blood like a frat douche with a non-deserved sense of self-entitlement, case in point 'Bag Island. That smarmy little "you, bra, we're the shit!" point, the can of beer-flavored water, the sweatband, the hottie in black behind with those perfect little curves he;'s apparently 100% oblivious towards because he's busy with self-congratulation ... the Hindenburg was a lesser disaster than the state of affairs shown here. I want to repeatedly kick him in the face until that look on his face is gone.
I've gotta go with 'Bag Island. And find a way to hide whiskey in my coffee at work if this is how I'm going to start my days now. Ugh.
It was between Velvet and Bag Island because those two hc's were just naturally more sexy than the bannana chick in my opinion. But overall I chose bag island because choads like him got commissioned as lieutenants in the army when I was in and I had to salute those assclowns. That they stopped fragging after Vietnam still amazes me.
# posted by : 7:56 AM
: 7:56 AM
Anon 7:54 is me. Accidentally posted prematurely.
Gotta cast one for #1 Banana Hott. I love her. And he smells of pimentos.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Gotta cast one for #1 Banana Hott. I love her. And he smells of pimentos.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 7:57 AM
: 7:57 AM
Oh Jesus Christ...I was hoping never to have to witness these farts again.
I really WANT to say Head...but I partially convinced that the picture isn't real.
Olive Loaf just pisses me off, so i'll NOT vote for him.
Wich leaves us Velvet and the Islander.....................................................................................................................................VELVET JONES! COME ON DOWN!
I really WANT to say Head...but I partially convinced that the picture isn't real.
Olive Loaf just pisses me off, so i'll NOT vote for him.
Wich leaves us Velvet and the Islander.....................................................................................................................................VELVET JONES! COME ON DOWN!
Bag Island is the only pic that truly encapsulates "hotchickswithdouchebags" for me.
I think the other three pics only have one of those elements working.
I think the other three pics only have one of those elements working.
First, there is Velvet Jones. Douche-tacular as he may be, his hott just ain't hot enough.
Then, my old friend Thorton Mellon Stewie Head. Who, while being an easy choice for HCwDB of the Week, faces too fierce a competition for the monthly.
Olive Loaf has a douche-factor that is nearing overload, but sadly his tanned Arabian impersonation of Orlando Bloom just doesn't make me want to punch him in the face as hard as our winner for the monthly.
'Bag Island.
You fucking choad. Drown in your cheap beer flavored vomit you ultimate douche. And leave the super hott to me.
Then, my old friend Thorton Mellon Stewie Head. Who, while being an easy choice for HCwDB of the Week, faces too fierce a competition for the monthly.
Olive Loaf has a douche-factor that is nearing overload, but sadly his tanned Arabian impersonation of Orlando Bloom just doesn't make me want to punch him in the face as hard as our winner for the monthly.
'Bag Island.
You fucking choad. Drown in your cheap beer flavored vomit you ultimate douche. And leave the super hott to me.
I believe Velvet Jones is out of his league here. His only fault was wearing one of her tops out. The mustache is on accident; he was eating an oreo cookie dessert pizza from dominoes and forgot to wipe.
Between 1,2, and 3... clearly Thornton Mellon Stewie Head is the biggest douche. Christ, just look it his face. The only reason I'd even consider 1 and 2 is bananas flambe and bootlace bikini; this 'bags bride needs to cut the pounds.
Douche Bag factor:
Stewie>>Bag Island>Olive Loaf
HOTT factor
Bananas>Bootlaces>>Butter Body
With one last look, I can clearly say Olive Loaf FTW. I can't tell if bootlace bikini is actually with bag island, or if she's just drinking his liquor on his boat with her friends. Stewie, you as a douche deserve to be slapped with a huge mackerel, but your notsohottie doesn't cut it for HCwDB stardom. Banana Hott, I double salute you.
Between 1,2, and 3... clearly Thornton Mellon Stewie Head is the biggest douche. Christ, just look it his face. The only reason I'd even consider 1 and 2 is bananas flambe and bootlace bikini; this 'bags bride needs to cut the pounds.
Douche Bag factor:
Stewie>>Bag Island>Olive Loaf
HOTT factor
Bananas>Bootlaces>>Butter Body
With one last look, I can clearly say Olive Loaf FTW. I can't tell if bootlace bikini is actually with bag island, or if she's just drinking his liquor on his boat with her friends. Stewie, you as a douche deserve to be slapped with a huge mackerel, but your notsohottie doesn't cut it for HCwDB stardom. Banana Hott, I double salute you.
Bag Island. At least the other choads are trying. He's getting the hott purely by default, and is so used to it, he doesn't even care.
# posted by : 8:14 AM
: 8:14 AM
I have one word to describe Bag Island.
Quintessential.
He is the Quintessential douchebag, making the quintessential douche-face and point.
She is the quintessential hottie. God, those breasts were hand-carved by angels.
If the slang meaning of douchebag were entered into some sort of periodical, that picture of that douche with that Miller Lite could accompany it, as a perfect representation of what it is to be a douche.
It's not overpowering in it's douchiness. Just textbook douche, in it's natural environment.
It's like Spiderman in the superhero world. Sure there are many more superheroes that have much greater powers and more super-strength. But Spiderman is an original timeless classic, and the ultimate example of a superhero.
No one else on this list comes close. Bag Isle' in a landslide.
Quintessential.
He is the Quintessential douchebag, making the quintessential douche-face and point.
She is the quintessential hottie. God, those breasts were hand-carved by angels.
If the slang meaning of douchebag were entered into some sort of periodical, that picture of that douche with that Miller Lite could accompany it, as a perfect representation of what it is to be a douche.
It's not overpowering in it's douchiness. Just textbook douche, in it's natural environment.
It's like Spiderman in the superhero world. Sure there are many more superheroes that have much greater powers and more super-strength. But Spiderman is an original timeless classic, and the ultimate example of a superhero.
No one else on this list comes close. Bag Isle' in a landslide.
This is why i love the monthly's. I had totally forgot about Bag Island. But he does not get my vote. I am voting for the early underdog VELVET.
HCWDB needs its Jackie Robinson and this douche is it. None of these other bags can even pull the lint off that blazer. He's douche enough and the chick is hot enough. It is time.
HCWDB needs its Jackie Robinson and this douche is it. None of these other bags can even pull the lint off that blazer. He's douche enough and the chick is hot enough. It is time.
# posted by : 8:16 AM
: 8:16 AM
man this was a tough one for me. i've been away since last wednesday an i have to come back to this amazing display of douchebaggery. i could write a 1,000 word essay explaining my final choice, but i don't have the time right now. i still am going through the 268 emails in my inbox. that being said, out of the choices given (nice work DB1), the correct choice for me is:
'Bag Island.
he's everything that this website is about. EVERY. THING. and she's simply boneriffic.
additionally, it's nice to see you all again.
'Bag Island.
he's everything that this website is about. EVERY. THING. and she's simply boneriffic.
additionally, it's nice to see you all again.
These are four classic bags, each worthy of credit and a kick in the teeth.
The first two to eliminate are Velvet and Stewie Head. Stewie seems too average when compared to the rest. A mediocribag. Velvet is a total douche, but he works it so well, that you have to admire him a bit. And by admire, I mean admire.
I can't vote for Olive Loaf. It seems that despite the fact that he's a Total choad, his hottie is carrying the votes for him: her hotness is overwhelming his greaseyness. Which, if you look at her drunken butterface is the opposite equation. Furthermore, while I offer great tribute to the pagan gods from which her sideboob was born, she is, for me, a brown-bagger (gotta put a brown bag over her face before coitus).
And so, like Arthur to Avalon, I am drawn to Bag Island. Here is the prototypical douchewank in his natural environment. Revelling in the most disturbing taint-behaviour that there is: Snubbing the surrounding hott (with REMARKABLE! Side and UNDERboob) to bask in the waming glow of his own ego. I would like to reach through his coke-deteriorated sinuses and rip those disgusting crowns off his teeth. His women would be cast into the pits of Babe-alonia, the nesting of ...me, where they would discover a new meaning of joy and ecstacy as they are slowly loved over the next thousand years.
The first two to eliminate are Velvet and Stewie Head. Stewie seems too average when compared to the rest. A mediocribag. Velvet is a total douche, but he works it so well, that you have to admire him a bit. And by admire, I mean admire.
I can't vote for Olive Loaf. It seems that despite the fact that he's a Total choad, his hottie is carrying the votes for him: her hotness is overwhelming his greaseyness. Which, if you look at her drunken butterface is the opposite equation. Furthermore, while I offer great tribute to the pagan gods from which her sideboob was born, she is, for me, a brown-bagger (gotta put a brown bag over her face before coitus).
And so, like Arthur to Avalon, I am drawn to Bag Island. Here is the prototypical douchewank in his natural environment. Revelling in the most disturbing taint-behaviour that there is: Snubbing the surrounding hott (with REMARKABLE! Side and UNDERboob) to bask in the waming glow of his own ego. I would like to reach through his coke-deteriorated sinuses and rip those disgusting crowns off his teeth. His women would be cast into the pits of Babe-alonia, the nesting of ...me, where they would discover a new meaning of joy and ecstacy as they are slowly loved over the next thousand years.
I'll pull the lever for 'Bag Island.
Olive Loaf looks like a reject from the group DeBarge. And the caterpillar crawling across his top lip does make him a strong candidate, but just not enough for me.
TMSH is a very close second to 'Bag Island. He's got the hair, the face,the bling and the offset eyebrows ... but alas the watered down version of Gretchen Wilson just ain't doing it for me.
Then we're on to Velvet Jones. I simply cannot vote for/against a real life pimp.
So the winner is 'Bag Island. Or as I like to call him, Sammy Haggar lite.
He's got the hair up and held back like a chick washing up for bed;
He's got the shades clinging to his neck;
His got the average-Joe body;
And he's doing the rediculous, "Here, pull my finger!" bit.
Mix in the atrociously hot chick
in the "what-the-fuck-is-that??" bikini and you've got a recipe for a winner.
Olive Loaf looks like a reject from the group DeBarge. And the caterpillar crawling across his top lip does make him a strong candidate, but just not enough for me.
TMSH is a very close second to 'Bag Island. He's got the hair, the face,the bling and the offset eyebrows ... but alas the watered down version of Gretchen Wilson just ain't doing it for me.
Then we're on to Velvet Jones. I simply cannot vote for/against a real life pimp.
So the winner is 'Bag Island. Or as I like to call him, Sammy Haggar lite.
He's got the hair up and held back like a chick washing up for bed;
He's got the shades clinging to his neck;
His got the average-Joe body;
And he's doing the rediculous, "Here, pull my finger!" bit.
Mix in the atrociously hot chick
in the "what-the-fuck-is-that??" bikini and you've got a recipe for a winner.
Is there any way to have a tie?? I want to stab 'bag Island, Olive and Stewie with a rusty blade repeatedly while screaming "why have you forsaken me, my hotties"!!!
# posted by : 8:45 AM
: 8:45 AM
I votr bag island. That chic is such a hottie and he is such a fuckin twat rag.
# posted by : 8:52 AM
: 8:52 AM
Where to start? (Numerical order idiot)
1. The yellow dress minus the face belongs in the hall of hott all by itself. I think it singlehandedly brought me through a second puberty. The bag on the other hand...while greasy and disgusting doesn't leave that long lasting impression burned in to your brain like jesus on a tortilla.
2. Hott in black....uuuuuuhhhh splat. Yeah this guy displays the all the right douchtastic qualities you look for in a monthly er uh tribute?
3. Stewie. Apart from his obvious birth defects I really never saw what made him so special. His sister isn't even hot enough to make this site in my book.
4. Billie Dee and Kim Kardashian. Hot enough, greasy enough oh and booies enough. But no visible libation really holds this one back for me.
In the end my vote goes to bag isle where I can only hope that Hervé Villechaize will invite me to enjoy my wildest fantasy of kicking fratchoad in the nads whilst fondling ridiculously hot bikini hott.
1. The yellow dress minus the face belongs in the hall of hott all by itself. I think it singlehandedly brought me through a second puberty. The bag on the other hand...while greasy and disgusting doesn't leave that long lasting impression burned in to your brain like jesus on a tortilla.
2. Hott in black....uuuuuuhhhh splat. Yeah this guy displays the all the right douchtastic qualities you look for in a monthly er uh tribute?
3. Stewie. Apart from his obvious birth defects I really never saw what made him so special. His sister isn't even hot enough to make this site in my book.
4. Billie Dee and Kim Kardashian. Hot enough, greasy enough oh and booies enough. But no visible libation really holds this one back for me.
In the end my vote goes to bag isle where I can only hope that Hervé Villechaize will invite me to enjoy my wildest fantasy of kicking fratchoad in the nads whilst fondling ridiculously hot bikini hott.
# posted by : 9:01 AM
: 9:01 AM
mitch@7:28, nice Calvin and Hobbes ref.
'Bag Island, because somebody seriously needs to kick this guy's ass...and because it'd be nice to have underboob-hottie's pic up on the front page again.
'Bag Island, because somebody seriously needs to kick this guy's ass...and because it'd be nice to have underboob-hottie's pic up on the front page again.
I couldn't bring myself to vote for the Islander in the weekly, so sick was I with hatred and loathing. Thanks to the 'hunters that weren't as blinded with rage as I was, this classic fratchoad earned the crown anyway.
It is now my sacred, and by sacred I mean wretched, duty to make sure this Superchoad wins the monthly. God I hate this guy. More than the stupid grin and Millerpoint, he's got that fucking sweatband on his head. That cinches it for me.
Islander all the way.
It is now my sacred, and by sacred I mean wretched, duty to make sure this Superchoad wins the monthly. God I hate this guy. More than the stupid grin and Millerpoint, he's got that fucking sweatband on his head. That cinches it for me.
Islander all the way.
# posted by : 9:12 AM
: 9:12 AM
Bag Island has to take this one.
Bootlace Hottie has it in all the right places, and the Dbag DOESNT EVEN KNOW SHE'S THERE!
Bootlace Hottie has it in all the right places, and the Dbag DOESNT EVEN KNOW SHE'S THERE!
Do you really need to ask ? Velvet Jones is the only real and actual douchebag on the ballot. Bag Island is just some twat on a boat, and TMSH is just an ugly fucker. Olive Loaf has the right stuff and might be a contender, if only he tried a bit, rather than just sitting there looking oily.
# posted by : 9:25 AM
: 9:25 AM
These guys are all first rate douche bags, so it really coms down to which hottie's picture I want to see one more time.
The dress on Banana Hot (or lack thereof) makes her a strong competitor, but strawberry cheesecake has more "talent" How do I know? If you had them switch dresses, who would be hotter?
By the way, can we get them to switch dresses...live in front of me, on cam, Pay per view, ...sorry I digress.
Velvet Jones wins, because of his hottie and our efforts to promote diversity on this website
The dress on Banana Hot (or lack thereof) makes her a strong competitor, but strawberry cheesecake has more "talent" How do I know? If you had them switch dresses, who would be hotter?
By the way, can we get them to switch dresses...live in front of me, on cam, Pay per view, ...sorry I digress.
Velvet Jones wins, because of his hottie and our efforts to promote diversity on this website
# posted by : 9:31 AM
: 9:31 AM
it's gotta be Velvet Jones. My first impression was Bag island, but I've got to give him a pass. Bag Island was not posing, he just caught with an unexpected flash of the camera (note that neither of the hotties are looking at the camera, either)
On the other hand. Velvet Jones is fully into his inner brain doucheyness AND IS ATTEMPTING TO LOOK AS COOL AS POSSIBLE. Think about it. Velvet Jones LIKES this picture and has it on his wall. Bag Island wishes his didn't exist.
VELVET JONES
On the other hand. Velvet Jones is fully into his inner brain doucheyness AND IS ATTEMPTING TO LOOK AS COOL AS POSSIBLE. Think about it. Velvet Jones LIKES this picture and has it on his wall. Bag Island wishes his didn't exist.
VELVET JONES
# posted by : 9:41 AM
: 9:41 AM
I have to go with Bag Island. The above commentary is all quite accurate, however I must agree with the word "quintessential" when it comes to Bag Island. He has it all. He embodies all the qualities of Grade A Douchetude with aplomb, if not ease.
# posted by : 10:14 AM
: 10:14 AM
I vote for 'Bag Island. He is all that is douche (it really is the point to his friend that puts him over the top) and the girl behind makes me believe that anything in possible with Miller Lite in your hand...and boobies.
God I hate douchebags.
God I hate douchebags.
Bag Island.
Proving that the D.A.I.S.Y. movement is alive and kickin'.
That's just Me, Myself and Douche..."
Proving that the D.A.I.S.Y. movement is alive and kickin'.
That's just Me, Myself and Douche..."
# posted by : 10:44 AM
: 10:44 AM
Bag Island FTW.
That sack lick is in such violation of the Geneva Convention that Simon Wiesenthal should rise from the grave and try this pud lick in Nurembourg.
Articles for the prosecution:
1. Craptacular choice of chilled beverage. This dingledouche is the type of ass barnacle who orders "Miller Laht" at a bar offering delicious local micros for a dollar a pint.
2. Sunglasses. Around. His. Neck. They belong on your eyes, nut chin. He might have rid himself of that scrote encrusted squint were he wearing them appropriately.
3. Headband. When a brilliant race of gorgeous extra-solar hotties examine Earth for first contact, this douchetacular choice of headgear will force them to cancel their visit. Thanks a lot, ass bag. Not only have you ruined Stunning Short Haired Blonde Side and Underboob Beautiful Thighs for us, you have also plunged us into an eternity of Vogon poetry.
And Boobies. And underboobies TWICE. And side boob.
ARGH SO RUINED! Someone tie him and a rabid dingo in his sack of scrote and cast him over the boat rail. NOW.
That sack lick is in such violation of the Geneva Convention that Simon Wiesenthal should rise from the grave and try this pud lick in Nurembourg.
Articles for the prosecution:
1. Craptacular choice of chilled beverage. This dingledouche is the type of ass barnacle who orders "Miller Laht" at a bar offering delicious local micros for a dollar a pint.
2. Sunglasses. Around. His. Neck. They belong on your eyes, nut chin. He might have rid himself of that scrote encrusted squint were he wearing them appropriately.
3. Headband. When a brilliant race of gorgeous extra-solar hotties examine Earth for first contact, this douchetacular choice of headgear will force them to cancel their visit. Thanks a lot, ass bag. Not only have you ruined Stunning Short Haired Blonde Side and Underboob Beautiful Thighs for us, you have also plunged us into an eternity of Vogon poetry.
And Boobies. And underboobies TWICE. And side boob.
ARGH SO RUINED! Someone tie him and a rabid dingo in his sack of scrote and cast him over the boat rail. NOW.
This is a tough one.
The criteria for me is whether the monthly winner has merits for a future Hall of Scrote nominee. I reviewed each of these pictures closely, and as my brain began to melt I struggled like a drowning man to find any small scrap of wood to cling to. I returned to the fundamentals: the douche must be ridiculous, the hott must be overpowering.
Bananarama and Olive make a striking couple, but I'm beginning to find this picture uninspiring. The cornrow hairline, the Salvidor Dali peach fuzz, the rosary beaded jewelry, all scream BAG, and the hott simply screams.
But are the details ridiculous enough? I realized that the dress is a suggestion of hot, like an optical illusion, the pose hides more than it tells, but the Bag doesn't have enough conspicuous detail for HoS. Perhaps, runnerups in a Salsa competition, yes. As another poster put it, (I paraphrase) "Trade dresses, and which chicks are hotter?"
Bag Island is so scrotey, I'm tempted to say this is my vote. But no, because I like to think I have a discriminating palate. I mean, Miller Lite? Yes, the beer is baggy in its implications (it says I'm worried about my puddish figure, but not worried about the taste).
And black bikini crotch-bondage really does it for me. This picture has all the necessary tension for an action shot. Look at how she's butting into his head with her hooded maiden, scorning his ego with a deliciously twisted smile. She looks as if she's ready to dump her drink in his lap, while her biological clock tells us it's time that she finally give birth to the Doucheface she so adores.
And the headband! Geez, almighty! The fingerpoint ! The smile with the sensitive lipbiting, uber-choadishness!!! GAck! And yet, still I say "no." Perhaps for another category of DB wankerdom, the Bag Island could be the "Candid Douche" as captured in his native habitat.
(DB1, we need a category for action-shots and video showing the douche environment...)
Onto our third contestant. Even though Stewie is a proboscis monkey with his cheeks sucked in like Zoolander, it looks as if somebody has already beaten me to the punch, and punched Stewie in his swollen alcoholic face. And so this week, I shall give Stewie a pass.
What about Velvet Jones? Look at the details, my friends. That shirt just ain't velvet, it's a silky flowery man-blouse. The bling is Medic-Alert bracelet-quality silver. The Pink Blossom by his side is garbed in a satin nighty. She has a nice symmetry going between her eyes and that cleavage. First, I look up, then I look down. Then I look down, but soon I must look up. It's like a tennis match of competing interests vying for my soul. Will there be groping going on in the leather booth, or later at her place with scented candles and rose-petals? The mind boggles.
The deciding factor, however, must finally be Velvet Jones's hair. Look closer, oh compadres. The camera is like a merciless ex-wife. It shows us more than we want to see. Look closer, for Velvet is sportin' a combover. You must ask youself, what possesses a man to grow the bangs of a Caeser-cut while allowing his high forehead to shine through with such confidence? Think about it. If the combover ends at the front, then where does it begin? How far back upon the cranial globe must the combing commence? It takes some seriously deluded thinking to plan a combover of that magnitude.
Velvet Jones has the stamina and whiff of choad that carries my vote, and perhaps a worthy entry into the Hall of Scrote.
--the Douche-osopher
The criteria for me is whether the monthly winner has merits for a future Hall of Scrote nominee. I reviewed each of these pictures closely, and as my brain began to melt I struggled like a drowning man to find any small scrap of wood to cling to. I returned to the fundamentals: the douche must be ridiculous, the hott must be overpowering.
Bananarama and Olive make a striking couple, but I'm beginning to find this picture uninspiring. The cornrow hairline, the Salvidor Dali peach fuzz, the rosary beaded jewelry, all scream BAG, and the hott simply screams.
But are the details ridiculous enough? I realized that the dress is a suggestion of hot, like an optical illusion, the pose hides more than it tells, but the Bag doesn't have enough conspicuous detail for HoS. Perhaps, runnerups in a Salsa competition, yes. As another poster put it, (I paraphrase) "Trade dresses, and which chicks are hotter?"
Bag Island is so scrotey, I'm tempted to say this is my vote. But no, because I like to think I have a discriminating palate. I mean, Miller Lite? Yes, the beer is baggy in its implications (it says I'm worried about my puddish figure, but not worried about the taste).
And black bikini crotch-bondage really does it for me. This picture has all the necessary tension for an action shot. Look at how she's butting into his head with her hooded maiden, scorning his ego with a deliciously twisted smile. She looks as if she's ready to dump her drink in his lap, while her biological clock tells us it's time that she finally give birth to the Doucheface she so adores.
And the headband! Geez, almighty! The fingerpoint ! The smile with the sensitive lipbiting, uber-choadishness!!! GAck! And yet, still I say "no." Perhaps for another category of DB wankerdom, the Bag Island could be the "Candid Douche" as captured in his native habitat.
(DB1, we need a category for action-shots and video showing the douche environment...)
Onto our third contestant. Even though Stewie is a proboscis monkey with his cheeks sucked in like Zoolander, it looks as if somebody has already beaten me to the punch, and punched Stewie in his swollen alcoholic face. And so this week, I shall give Stewie a pass.
What about Velvet Jones? Look at the details, my friends. That shirt just ain't velvet, it's a silky flowery man-blouse. The bling is Medic-Alert bracelet-quality silver. The Pink Blossom by his side is garbed in a satin nighty. She has a nice symmetry going between her eyes and that cleavage. First, I look up, then I look down. Then I look down, but soon I must look up. It's like a tennis match of competing interests vying for my soul. Will there be groping going on in the leather booth, or later at her place with scented candles and rose-petals? The mind boggles.
The deciding factor, however, must finally be Velvet Jones's hair. Look closer, oh compadres. The camera is like a merciless ex-wife. It shows us more than we want to see. Look closer, for Velvet is sportin' a combover. You must ask youself, what possesses a man to grow the bangs of a Caeser-cut while allowing his high forehead to shine through with such confidence? Think about it. If the combover ends at the front, then where does it begin? How far back upon the cranial globe must the combing commence? It takes some seriously deluded thinking to plan a combover of that magnitude.
Velvet Jones has the stamina and whiff of choad that carries my vote, and perhaps a worthy entry into the Hall of Scrote.
--the Douche-osopher
# posted by : 11:00 AM
: 11:00 AM
Hey DB1, first time/long time here. After a year of reading but never writing, the 'Bag Islander finally got me to sit up and vote. This is truly what HCwDB is all about. It often seems that the douchebags we find, while hilarious/infuriating, are too polished, too self-aware, too in debt to the choads who have come before for their style and attitude. This is the original douche. He's not sporting that headband or ignoring that girl or wearing sunglasses around his neck or drinking Miller Lite or pointing to his douche buddy because he's seen others do it and he wants some of that action - he's doing it because it's who he is. The role of the Douchebag is not one he adopts when it's convenient, it is the life he lives. It's as if all the other photos on this site are of Julia Roberts, and we've finally gotten a picture of the real Erin Brockovich.
"No 'bag is an island," says John Douche, but this may be as close as we're ever going to get.
This is all aside from the fact that he looks way too much like Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years, a classic 'bag. As well as the fact that Liz Phair hottie in the black bikini can whip-smart me any day of the week.
"No 'bag is an island," says John Douche, but this may be as close as we're ever going to get.
This is all aside from the fact that he looks way too much like Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years, a classic 'bag. As well as the fact that Liz Phair hottie in the black bikini can whip-smart me any day of the week.
# posted by : 11:00 AM
: 11:00 AM
while Stewie makes me laugh i have to vote for Bag Island. if he is in fact in a fraternity he gives some of us bad names
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
At first glance, this contest had become quite personal. I felt Strawberry hottie and I had some chemistry and that surely she would be the one to have my children. I will find you Velvet Jones and take her!
However, I believe all that this website encompasses is that of Bag Island. We unfortuntely all know scroats like him and I for one would like to tie the anchor to his feet and let him sink. Sink on down to his watery grave.
Bag Island, I hate you!
However, I believe all that this website encompasses is that of Bag Island. We unfortuntely all know scroats like him and I for one would like to tie the anchor to his feet and let him sink. Sink on down to his watery grave.
Bag Island, I hate you!
# posted by : 11:12 AM
: 11:12 AM
Velvet Jones is an ur-bag. He is the Primal Brothabag, and to dismiss his douchiness by saying he's a real-life pimp is flat-out racist and unfairly diminishes his accomplishments. He is hairy is some places that shouldn't be and waxed shiny in others. He is wearing sunglasses indoors and aluminum bling. And if you don't recognize a perfect execution of the brotha-pouty-lip-face when you see it, than y'all gotta get out more.
Oh, and she is sincerely freaktastic. I might be in love with her... and he's about to sex her up.
The power in Fratchoad is strong, no doubt, but Velvet's working his game here, so step aside.
Oh, and she is sincerely freaktastic. I might be in love with her... and he's about to sex her up.
The power in Fratchoad is strong, no doubt, but Velvet's working his game here, so step aside.
# posted by : 11:14 AM
: 11:14 AM
My vote goes out to TMSH.
While his hottie is not on par with the others, his pube-like facial hair and pouty lips did it for me.
While his hottie is not on par with the others, his pube-like facial hair and pouty lips did it for me.
# posted by : 11:15 AM
: 11:15 AM
scroteface killah:
The pimp reference was a compliment, not an insult or racist slur. Relax.
Harvey Keitel played a pimp in the movie 'Taxi Driver.' Harvey Keitel is white. I am white. I'm amused by pimps, no matter the race or creed.
I was not referencing Velvet Jones' skin color, just the fact he was a 'pimp.' So next time you play your race card understand the full context of the joke, or it's not clear, ask for clarity.
Got it?
The pimp reference was a compliment, not an insult or racist slur. Relax.
Harvey Keitel played a pimp in the movie 'Taxi Driver.' Harvey Keitel is white. I am white. I'm amused by pimps, no matter the race or creed.
I was not referencing Velvet Jones' skin color, just the fact he was a 'pimp.' So next time you play your race card understand the full context of the joke, or it's not clear, ask for clarity.
Got it?
This is a no brainer for me. The Island is everything I hate about the douche. Look at that face, Jebus.
TMSH may be the most heinous thing I have ever seen on this website, but I just want to tell him to send a headshot into Dr. 90210 for some free slicing and dicing.
Olive Loaf, your hot may be hott, but once she sees your prop car from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Thank You Ari), she is gonna run away and hop in my Geo.
Ah Velvet Jones, a pimp among douche. I forgot about you. Is Velvet Jones gonna have to choke a bitch? My money is on yes. You make me laugh, so even though I took you over Ricky in the weekly you still get a pass.
Island I scrolled up to see your pick again and you are still a choad. Nice headband. Hey if your hair gets a little longer you will be able to wear it in a bun so that's cool.
'Bag Island of the month easily. I personally think you are a bigger tool than the Gator. The only recent 'bag that could take you down is Crusty and that would be a showdown.
TMSH may be the most heinous thing I have ever seen on this website, but I just want to tell him to send a headshot into Dr. 90210 for some free slicing and dicing.
Olive Loaf, your hot may be hott, but once she sees your prop car from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Thank You Ari), she is gonna run away and hop in my Geo.
Ah Velvet Jones, a pimp among douche. I forgot about you. Is Velvet Jones gonna have to choke a bitch? My money is on yes. You make me laugh, so even though I took you over Ricky in the weekly you still get a pass.
Island I scrolled up to see your pick again and you are still a choad. Nice headband. Hey if your hair gets a little longer you will be able to wear it in a bun so that's cool.
'Bag Island of the month easily. I personally think you are a bigger tool than the Gator. The only recent 'bag that could take you down is Crusty and that would be a showdown.
'Bag Island. If Sean Penn & Jim McMahon got together back in the 80s, this would be the result. I'm just hoping this photo was taken just seconds before hottie poured her drink on his head.
# posted by : 11:29 AM
: 11:29 AM
I gotta give my vote to olive loaf. The sheer grease of that photo is enough to fry my eggs without them sticking to the pan. And that side-boob just puts olive loaf over the edge.
Attention Please:
The camera angle distorts the truth about Bag Island. She is clearly NOT with him. There is no indication that she even notices him and the idiot clearly has not noticed her, or he'd do a complete 180, burying his face in her heavenly fulcrum. I beg all of you to reconsider voting for Bag Island... yes he's a douche, yes she's effing hot, but they are NOT with each other. We have banded together as bloggers to abhor some of the choices certain hotties have made in choosing to smile for the camera with some of society's prominent bastard children.
Bootlaces' attention lies elsewhere; not on the 'bag in front of her nor the photo being taken.
So please, do not vote for Bag Island... take away the boating background, imagine a dark bar with neon lights, a big bouncer, and some other girls walking around the stage while he sits facing away from the performance going on in fron of his face.
Bag Island winner for a week, yes. Bag Island for the record book? Maybe with an asterisk.
The camera angle distorts the truth about Bag Island. She is clearly NOT with him. There is no indication that she even notices him and the idiot clearly has not noticed her, or he'd do a complete 180, burying his face in her heavenly fulcrum. I beg all of you to reconsider voting for Bag Island... yes he's a douche, yes she's effing hot, but they are NOT with each other. We have banded together as bloggers to abhor some of the choices certain hotties have made in choosing to smile for the camera with some of society's prominent bastard children.
Bootlaces' attention lies elsewhere; not on the 'bag in front of her nor the photo being taken.
So please, do not vote for Bag Island... take away the boating background, imagine a dark bar with neon lights, a big bouncer, and some other girls walking around the stage while he sits facing away from the performance going on in fron of his face.
Bag Island winner for a week, yes. Bag Island for the record book? Maybe with an asterisk.
Sorry, too many thoughts passing through my head while the boss has been lurking in my foreground.
I change my vote from Loaf to
*Bag Island
I change my vote from Loaf to
*Bag Island
I'd like to award the special olympics medal to Bag Island. Lets give the other bags a hand for participating! And don't forget to thank our corporate sponcors: Boobies!
#3 is pretty pathetic, but 'Bag Islander makes me so angry. What a douche bag! And that girl is so hot!
This is like decided weather you would rather be kicked in the nuts or have them turned with a pipe wrench.
Boot strap is the superior HC. Her body is clean and tight. She rocks that suit. You can imagine all the things you could do to her yet, its not over the top slutty like banana.
The only problem with this pic is the squinting choad blocking the veiw of the holy of holies.
I got to go with Bag Island. This guy is everything you hate that isnt ornage.
Boot strap is the superior HC. Her body is clean and tight. She rocks that suit. You can imagine all the things you could do to her yet, its not over the top slutty like banana.
The only problem with this pic is the squinting choad blocking the veiw of the holy of holies.
I got to go with Bag Island. This guy is everything you hate that isnt ornage.
First off, 'Bag Island is definitely more of a drunk obnoxious fratboy than a Douchebag in the classical sense. For those of you who are fortunate enough not to live in the Midwest, you may not be familiar with Miami University in Oxford, OH. MU is a haven for dudes like 'Bag Island. Yes, they may be total dbags, but... uh... what am I talking about? This guy is a total dbag. But anyways, Miami sucks - case in point, Ben Roethlisburger went there. You ever see that guy?
My vote goes to TMSH, nice AX shirt you 'bag.
My vote goes to TMSH, nice AX shirt you 'bag.
# posted by : 1:12 PM
: 1:12 PM
Bag Island takes it! Makes me wanna swing a fist up from the floor..to his smug choad-scrunched face.
# posted by : 1:17 PM
: 1:17 PM
Alex, I will take "douche challenge" for $400.. The answer... name the most sorry piece of greased-up, douche ass of the week. What is... Olive Loaf? Correct again, Jack! Now please lay the smack down on the 'loaf.
Gentlemen, this selection is abundantly clear. The only semblance of a prayer that this scumdouche has of not bieng selected this week is the possible ID of what looks to be a Tijuana style rosary around his neck, Aios mio! Yet, after two seconds of thought... the beads aren't going to save his sorry ass from the depths of douche purgatory. This Edward Scissorhands wanna-be needs to keep his blades away from his hair and eyebrow and redirect them hopefully to his wrists.. even better, his neck.
Gentlemen, this selection is abundantly clear. The only semblance of a prayer that this scumdouche has of not bieng selected this week is the possible ID of what looks to be a Tijuana style rosary around his neck, Aios mio! Yet, after two seconds of thought... the beads aren't going to save his sorry ass from the depths of douche purgatory. This Edward Scissorhands wanna-be needs to keep his blades away from his hair and eyebrow and redirect them hopefully to his wrists.. even better, his neck.
Velvet Jones is a major league douchebag, working on an MVP season, while the others are slumming it in the minor douche leagues.
# posted by : 1:56 PM
: 1:56 PM
Some people have already put down some downright hilarious and spot-on observations here, but I feel I need to put my stamp down here. In ascending douche order...
4. Mr. Olive Loaf. I still contend this guy is not douche and more on the scale of Eurotrash. The hott, yes, has nice thighs. But female thighs are basically by default hot, especially when exposed. And her dress is quite lovely, but she is not. Look at her eyes and hair people!!
3. Velvet Jones. There has been some discussion on here of late of the lack of brothers on here and I feel I might be able to shed some light on this. Douchebags are spoiled little shits who think they are the picture of manhood even when they have no true life experience. Their embodiment of the excess, bling, and vacuousness of American culture is what is so truly sickening about them. Throw in a hot chick and you have a synergistic effect that creates the most primitive of rages: sexual jealousy. Anyway, Mr. Jones is, obviously, black, and the common associations with black people do not match the aforementioned attributes of douchebags. Black people, as a whole, haven't achieved the level of economic freedom that their white counterparts have and so do not get to enjoy the sort of excess, both psychological and economical, that can lead to douchebaggery. Besides, the girl in this pic is merely somewhat attractive, certainly not hot. Her right eye looks fucked up.
2. Thornton Mellon Stewie Head. I gladly campaigned for him to win the weekly, but I'm afraid that even though I feel he is likely the biggest douche of the lot, his surroundings to not lend themselves to the rage that I hold for the 'Bag Islander. The girl is fairly hot, but she seems to be also fairly bleeth'd. Note the too similar hues of her face and hair and frazzled bangs.
1. The 'Bag Islander. My time on this site has not been that long, but of all the pictures I've seen, this one awakens the jealous beast in me that rages "Why does this tool get to be in such a wonderful place while I will certainly never get to be that lucky, ever?" By himself, this fratspawn does not upset me as much as Thornton Mellon. After all, TMSH takes his time to cultivate his doucheosity and seeks out opportunities to show off his doucheface and kissy lips. This fucking ape here though just merely wanders through life in a drunken/stoned haze (not that there's anything wrong with that) and will stumble into situations, such as this one, where he will unknowingly look like a total douche. Much like in sports where there is disagreement on the difference between MVP and best player, here we must differentiate between biggest douchebag and HCwDB of the Month. Mr. Island here really only has his choice of beer (if you're going to be at a place like that, choose some decent beer) and sunglasses around the neck to qualify for douche status. The hair is not so much douche to me as just really gay. But that look. That look where he momentarily summons the lamest and most foul aspects of douchebaggery is a real clincher here. That and the fact that the hott is clearly not repulsed by him. She's standing right behind him, sandwiched between him and the side of the boat and seemingly gazing at his curly head wondering how she will seduce him. The fact that one of the most hottest hotts that's ever hotted is in that position is soul-crushing. God must've taken several eternities to craft such a perfect specimen. Her astonishing, bikini-busting boobs reinforces the idea that oftentimes boobs will look better in a bathing suit, bra, etc. than completely naked. The way her bikini bottom can barely reign in her fleshy and supple thighs. I would sever off my right leg for the chance to see how much of that bikini bottom is made up of boot laces and how the pale light of the cloudy day would kiss the curviture of her left hip if only that choad would move his worthless noggin.
Such hottness. Such lameness. Such rage. The 'Bag Islander for HCwDB of the Month.
4. Mr. Olive Loaf. I still contend this guy is not douche and more on the scale of Eurotrash. The hott, yes, has nice thighs. But female thighs are basically by default hot, especially when exposed. And her dress is quite lovely, but she is not. Look at her eyes and hair people!!
3. Velvet Jones. There has been some discussion on here of late of the lack of brothers on here and I feel I might be able to shed some light on this. Douchebags are spoiled little shits who think they are the picture of manhood even when they have no true life experience. Their embodiment of the excess, bling, and vacuousness of American culture is what is so truly sickening about them. Throw in a hot chick and you have a synergistic effect that creates the most primitive of rages: sexual jealousy. Anyway, Mr. Jones is, obviously, black, and the common associations with black people do not match the aforementioned attributes of douchebags. Black people, as a whole, haven't achieved the level of economic freedom that their white counterparts have and so do not get to enjoy the sort of excess, both psychological and economical, that can lead to douchebaggery. Besides, the girl in this pic is merely somewhat attractive, certainly not hot. Her right eye looks fucked up.
2. Thornton Mellon Stewie Head. I gladly campaigned for him to win the weekly, but I'm afraid that even though I feel he is likely the biggest douche of the lot, his surroundings to not lend themselves to the rage that I hold for the 'Bag Islander. The girl is fairly hot, but she seems to be also fairly bleeth'd. Note the too similar hues of her face and hair and frazzled bangs.
1. The 'Bag Islander. My time on this site has not been that long, but of all the pictures I've seen, this one awakens the jealous beast in me that rages "Why does this tool get to be in such a wonderful place while I will certainly never get to be that lucky, ever?" By himself, this fratspawn does not upset me as much as Thornton Mellon. After all, TMSH takes his time to cultivate his doucheosity and seeks out opportunities to show off his doucheface and kissy lips. This fucking ape here though just merely wanders through life in a drunken/stoned haze (not that there's anything wrong with that) and will stumble into situations, such as this one, where he will unknowingly look like a total douche. Much like in sports where there is disagreement on the difference between MVP and best player, here we must differentiate between biggest douchebag and HCwDB of the Month. Mr. Island here really only has his choice of beer (if you're going to be at a place like that, choose some decent beer) and sunglasses around the neck to qualify for douche status. The hair is not so much douche to me as just really gay. But that look. That look where he momentarily summons the lamest and most foul aspects of douchebaggery is a real clincher here. That and the fact that the hott is clearly not repulsed by him. She's standing right behind him, sandwiched between him and the side of the boat and seemingly gazing at his curly head wondering how she will seduce him. The fact that one of the most hottest hotts that's ever hotted is in that position is soul-crushing. God must've taken several eternities to craft such a perfect specimen. Her astonishing, bikini-busting boobs reinforces the idea that oftentimes boobs will look better in a bathing suit, bra, etc. than completely naked. The way her bikini bottom can barely reign in her fleshy and supple thighs. I would sever off my right leg for the chance to see how much of that bikini bottom is made up of boot laces and how the pale light of the cloudy day would kiss the curviture of her left hip if only that choad would move his worthless noggin.
Such hottness. Such lameness. Such rage. The 'Bag Islander for HCwDB of the Month.
# posted by : 2:57 PM
: 2:57 PM
Rather than overanalyzing and potentially diluting my initial visceral reaction to each contestant, I treat this as one would a Rorschach test. What's the first word that pops into my mind? Ready?
#1- Yellow.
#3- Dork.
#4- Pimpin'.
#2- Fucking kill me.
Island takes it rather easily for me.
First non-limerick post.
Amuse Douche
#1- Yellow.
#3- Dork.
#4- Pimpin'.
#2- Fucking kill me.
Island takes it rather easily for me.
First non-limerick post.
Amuse Douche
# posted by : 3:14 PM
: 3:14 PM
There's a strong temptation to vote for the Olive Loaf. But I recognize that it's an irrational temptation, born of the thought that voting for him will somehow increase the chances of Banana Hott coming over to my place to cuddle.
I value the sanctity of the monthly, but if that were true, I would vote for the Loaf in a heartbeat. But, sadly, it's not true. Banana Hott isn't coming. So I'll do what's right, and vote for Velvet Jones.
I value the sanctity of the monthly, but if that were true, I would vote for the Loaf in a heartbeat. But, sadly, it's not true. Banana Hott isn't coming. So I'll do what's right, and vote for Velvet Jones.
Before I saw 'Bag Island, I was a committed pacifist. But as soon as I laid eyes on that headband, those sunglasses, that squint, that lip-bite, that mother-fucking pointing finger peeking out from behind his can of Miller, I wanted to kill. I wanted to kill HIM. And whomever he's pointing at. And whomever took the picture. And those two turds in the background discussing, oh, probably bathtub ruphenol distillation. I wanted to lay waste to continents. To become Shiva, destroyer of 'Bags.
And then, to calmly request of the hippie-dancing woman in black that I be allowed to suck the ice-cubes in her drink when she's done with it.
This month belongs to 'Bag Island.
And then, to calmly request of the hippie-dancing woman in black that I be allowed to suck the ice-cubes in her drink when she's done with it.
This month belongs to 'Bag Island.
# posted by : 4:35 PM
: 4:35 PM
If there was a single picture that embodies what this site is (sadly) all about, that would be 'Bag Island...
I just cannot stomach it.
I just cannot stomach it.
# posted by : 4:45 PM
: 4:45 PM
'Bag Island.
She will always be hot, as she gracefully moves from water nymph to sultry MILF.
He will always be that loud, obnoxious guy who gets drunk at coporate barbecues and makes an ass of himself when he gropes the bosses' wife. But will still get promoted in spite of that.
She will always be hot, as she gracefully moves from water nymph to sultry MILF.
He will always be that loud, obnoxious guy who gets drunk at coporate barbecues and makes an ass of himself when he gropes the bosses' wife. But will still get promoted in spite of that.
# posted by : 4:56 PM
: 4:56 PM
Olive Loaf is douche, no doubt about it. But he's douche in the same kind of way that Velvet is, but to a lesser extent (though they both make me vomit from my anus).
Bag Island is also very douchous, but has that certain aura that makes him seem like he doesn't realize he's a douche. Not that that justifies it, but an aware 'bag is much worse than an unaware 'bag.
Thornton is such a douche that I almost feel sorry for him. It's like he's a complete and total scrotebag, and everyone but him realizes it. Perhaps it's the fact that he just looks so ridiculous, and people just have to feel sorry for him. Like that delicious bag of candy shown in the picture. And I'm not talking about the sombrero.
But, I must say, in the end, Velvet takes the crown. He is the epitome of choad: it's obvious he realizes he's a douche, and yet doesn't fight it, but rather embraces it. It's like his entire persona just screams "I'm 'bag and I'm proud", no words that should ever be uttered by anyone's mouth, even in jest. He is like Lando Calrissian, but with every meter of cool cranked up to "douche" instead. He embodies the spirit of the 'bag, and that is why I feel he deserves this month's HCwDB of the Month award.
Bag Island is also very douchous, but has that certain aura that makes him seem like he doesn't realize he's a douche. Not that that justifies it, but an aware 'bag is much worse than an unaware 'bag.
Thornton is such a douche that I almost feel sorry for him. It's like he's a complete and total scrotebag, and everyone but him realizes it. Perhaps it's the fact that he just looks so ridiculous, and people just have to feel sorry for him. Like that delicious bag of candy shown in the picture. And I'm not talking about the sombrero.
But, I must say, in the end, Velvet takes the crown. He is the epitome of choad: it's obvious he realizes he's a douche, and yet doesn't fight it, but rather embraces it. It's like his entire persona just screams "I'm 'bag and I'm proud", no words that should ever be uttered by anyone's mouth, even in jest. He is like Lando Calrissian, but with every meter of cool cranked up to "douche" instead. He embodies the spirit of the 'bag, and that is why I feel he deserves this month's HCwDB of the Month award.
# posted by : 5:13 PM
: 5:13 PM
Plinky,
I wasn't throwing a race card there, man, and I was probably too flip with the word "racist". It's just that forever now in this country, when a brother douches up, he's dismissed as a professional. How can he get ahead? I guess he can play up a white-douche game, all American Eagle and Douche & Gabbiana or whatever the fuck it is, but that's not staying true to what makes a brothabag a brothabag, and he can't win on those terms. When is enough enough?
There's a tradition here I'm talking about, going back to the Velvet Kings of Africa (via Billy Dee Williams -- shout out to schwagle). For a more recent example of Motherland Douche, think Fela Kuti without the genius music -- take away the music, and you got a dude wearing just a leopard-skin speedo, and he's got 36 wives or some shit. This is some whole other thing than white douche, and Velvet Jones is a student of that tradition.
Granted though, if a white dude tried to be a brothabag, that'd be pretty damn extra douchey. Suddenly, I'm thinking of White Chocolate. Wow, what a douche.
I wasn't throwing a race card there, man, and I was probably too flip with the word "racist". It's just that forever now in this country, when a brother douches up, he's dismissed as a professional. How can he get ahead? I guess he can play up a white-douche game, all American Eagle and Douche & Gabbiana or whatever the fuck it is, but that's not staying true to what makes a brothabag a brothabag, and he can't win on those terms. When is enough enough?
There's a tradition here I'm talking about, going back to the Velvet Kings of Africa (via Billy Dee Williams -- shout out to schwagle). For a more recent example of Motherland Douche, think Fela Kuti without the genius music -- take away the music, and you got a dude wearing just a leopard-skin speedo, and he's got 36 wives or some shit. This is some whole other thing than white douche, and Velvet Jones is a student of that tradition.
Granted though, if a white dude tried to be a brothabag, that'd be pretty damn extra douchey. Suddenly, I'm thinking of White Chocolate. Wow, what a douche.
# posted by : 5:33 PM
: 5:33 PM
I can't get that little black bikini out of my mind. And won't be able to for a long time. Bag Island by a landslide.
Fried olive loaf and banana sandwich. Lando Calrissian with Teri Hatcher. Sleestak paying to pose with hott. None can match the choadaciousness of Fratty McBoatboy. The Ivan Lendl headband is contrived, but you just can't teach the beer-point lower lip-bite combo. Douche genious. Completely focused on his douchebaggery, he is utterly oblivious to the fine trim gyrating 3 inches from his face. He is the douche master.
Bag Island for all of the above reasons, but my heart strongly believes that Velvet Jones is a once in a lifetime douche that deserves an honor all his own.
Tough choice for me.
I have to go with Velvet Jones. The Ceasar haircut + Smooooove stare just kills me.
And Strawberry is a piece of hot. Not the best. I love blondie's little shoelaces bikini in 'Bag Island. But Strawberry looks so naughty and nice...
I have to go with Velvet Jones. The Ceasar haircut + Smooooove stare just kills me.
And Strawberry is a piece of hot. Not the best. I love blondie's little shoelaces bikini in 'Bag Island. But Strawberry looks so naughty and nice...
Although several state supreme courts have ruled that the use of race-based quotas is illegal, medium-slight affirmative action can come in to play when the utter doucheness between all four parties is relatively equal. Velvet Jones has faced many more hardships in his life, but has somehow managed to achieve a level of scrote obtained by the socioeconomic elite. Got to be VJ.
# posted by : 10:02 PM
: 10:02 PM
Bag island is a real contender, but really, looking at all of 'em you gots to ax yosef who is head and shoulders above the rest? The Velvet One fo sho!
# posted by : 11:11 PM
: 11:11 PM
bag island. calls for the creation of a new dbag category. he's beyond fratchoad. he's past beachscrote. the glasses around the neck, the headband, the look, the point, the miller lite...
# posted by : 11:27 PM
: 11:27 PM
I almost feel like I'm on the boat drunk on my ass, (literally on the floor of the boat)vomiting, choaking and getting somewhat cyanotic while 'Bag Island Douche is pointing and laughing at me.
I'd probably be better off getting propeller lacerations like a manatee in shallow water than allowing myself to be in his company.
The whole scene is just so natural, he's just a natural boating, bagging, bro! (I so want to
I'd probably be better off getting propeller lacerations like a manatee in shallow water than allowing myself to be in his company.
The whole scene is just so natural, he's just a natural boating, bagging, bro! (I so want to