FUE!

;THAT@A0S; SOEM FUCEN TITITS MAN@!3 I FUCEN PUIANH;C THAT FAGOAHT AND FUC3N THRAOR'3 HIS ;FUCEN BOADYU DOW;AN HILAL STREEET IN WEST' NEWWTON MAN; E3 I FUCEN BEATOP;3 HIAS03 AASOHEU'@!

FUC WAL;AGREENA BUCHTOOIOTH FAGOATH!@ FUAC MAN YOU FUACN WANE TOA'3EAT32@ THAT FUAGOH TOAUGHE MAN I FUCEN GA;ARB YOU HOLE AND FUC RIA;P THAT WHOARE3S FUCNA PANATIES WITH ANY FUCN COCKS!!@#12]

ANOW FUCN I TITISY FUC YUOU

I FUCE THAE' TAITIS!@

LJSUT LIKE WEOSTSMOARLOAN'3 MALL WHOARES WITH THE FUCN TIATS I FUCFNE FUC THEA;'3

IU FC

3

THATA'3 SOME FUCEN TIT1!
10-1. E

FFLHAL

D
 

FUE indeed, my friend. FUE indeed.
 

;YOR FUCEN RIAGH!@

LIST'AEN MAN. E3. I FUC WHOARS AND FUCNE PUACNH A FAOGAOHT! NO;A@!0 FUCANC PUSSA'EY IS GOIAN TO FUC ME; WHEN I FUCN GOAT MY A.M FUCEN COCOCK RAME'D UP THA;R@!A SHISTHOLE#!!@2

FUC!

FLAHTEH
 

Has anyone checked flyteeth for rabies?

Just askin'...
 

NO'A RAOABIES HERE FAAOGOHT! NO FUCEN TARMAL NO FUC. 3

PLINKA MAN YOU FUACN NEE/D TO PUIANCH A FAOAGOGHT!@#

I FUCEN DRANK; A CUENT!

SHITNE

FLYTHEE
 

From Wiki:
In Polynesian mythology (specifically: Samoa), Fue is the god of the sweet potato and a son of Tagaloa.

Yes, those are nice sweet potatoes.
 

You're speaking in Esperanto, or some language twins teach each other. The King's English, please.
 

Kids, if you learn nothing else, remember this after reading flythth's posts: wear a condom!
 

Not only does this girl win Best Golden Globes, she also wins Best Vag Arms of 2007 (sorry, wrong blog/sexual orientation).
 

C;AONDOMS ARE FOAR FAOGOTHTS! FUC MAN HEY WRAP THAT RASCAL AND FUAN EA;'TOHOAUGH@

I FUC WHOARRS AND FUC CONDOSM ARE FOR FAGOH@!

FUCN EAT P;USSSY DON'R FUCEN BE AONE3

3

FUCER!

WE ;'ARE ALL PRISOANERS OF THE FUCEN DAMNED MAN. FUC YEAH WE ARE ALL FUCEN PRISOAO'ANERS!@

FUC CAHD!
 

flyteeth we are indeed all prisoners of the man.

is your hour of internet almost up? i hope not.

are you a prisoner in an institution? then again, i guess we are prisoners in our own way.

i want to know the inner flyteeth (flytooth?)
 

and no fuckin tarmal. ever.
 

I'A HAVE FUCEN 20 MUNUT/.A L;EF'T

BUT MY FUCEN CELLMATE 'IS LETETHING MY US;E HIA FUCEN TIAME HE EEARNED TOA;DY BECCAUSE HE FUCN IS IN TH;A3 INFIRMARY.3


FUC TARMAL I'LLA FUCEN BE OAN FOR A LLITLE BIT THEN I FUCEN 'A GOTTA; TAKE A FUCEN DUMP

A@AO1;L

F

FLYTHEETH
 

Ladies and gentlemen good evening. My name is stinky and I'm a cousin of plinky's. Tonight I have some unfortunate news to share. Our beloved and sometimes funny plinky has gone into a comedic coma. I'm afraid it's very serious and it's an immediate threat to his health. In short, the poor lad may never be the same.

I'm sure many of you are asking, "Waht's a comedic coma?" Well, that's a very good question and one which I cannot fully explain nor comprehend myself. The best I can offer in terms of enlightenment to this plauge which has stricken our wonderful plinky is that it's very much like "writer's block," except writer's block isn't physically debilitating like a comedic coma. Nor does writer's block cause one to drool endlessly and flatulate uncontrollably.

At this moment the wonderful and kind-hearted plinky is being kept in an animal shelter, which tends to be more peaceful and quiet than a regualer peoples' hospital, hanging upside down next to a pigeon cage. He's been immobilized in a full body cast with holes cut so that he can breathe, see, and - uh-hum - so he can fart at will. There's also a special portal built into the cast to accomodate the rather large erection plinky sprung at the onset of this affliction. None of the doctors or nurses would ever have believed that a mere man could have an eighteen inch penis. Truly amazing. Indeed.

Like you, I have many questions. Mos of them congregate around "why," "how," and the obvious, "what caused this?!?" Unfortunately there are no easy answers. The veterinarians who are treating our poor plinky theorize it has something to do with a website he's been frequenting the past few months. Since he's unable to speak with any coherent direction, all the doctors can piece together is that this website has somethign to do with douchebags, hair, bling, tattoos, grease, oil, hand gestures, grandiose tits, hot asses, annoying as hell anonymous 'people,' silly references to pop culture, profanity, and some creepy guy named "Ed." Doctors can only speculate what all this means. Like our good doctors I can only speculate, too. But in the 2 minutes our dear plinky was able to write something down, he did express concern for his fellow bloggers and "bag hunters" at hotdoucheswithchickbags.com. Yes, I know the address is wrong; but after careful scrutiny of plinky's address bar I put 2 and 2 together and found you wonderful people.

I know your cherished plinky wishes you all well and that he could be here with you now. I know somewhere - in that comatose mind of his - he's thinking of jokes and ha-ha's to share with you and, hopefully, enrich your lives.

For that I ask each of you: please take a moment in your day to pray and worship plinky. Keep him in your thoughts. Our family wishes him a full and speedy recovery; godspeed.

Thank you for your time.

stinky
 

flyteeth what are you locked up for? rape? if so, i think the bitch was asking for it.

i for one, feel that such a comedic genius does not belong in a cage. i will help start a campaign to free you.

how much time do you have left?

@t232 fwooap fuckkn tarmal
 

;TELL FUCER NO;AT TO DROAP THE SOAP MAN

THEM FUCNE TARMALS WIL' FUC HIM IN THEI FUCN COROAN!

NO FUC!
 

you need to organize a fuckin riot flyteeth... get them fuckers all riled up...show um these pictures and let em see all these faggots and hot women and get em all crazy and worked up and then kill your the fucking guards and the warden and get the fuck out of their before the fuckin tarmal comes down and shit hits the fan and all is fucked
 

yo burdizzo you here tonight?
 

FUC! LE'AT;S FUCEN RAIOAT!!@!@

IM FUCEN OGOAOAN FUCEN KI'ALL A FOAGOTH1@### FCUEN GUARYHAHD!!!!@

A1@ WE'ARE ALL FUCNE TARMAL ANYWHAYS MAN SO FUCE
IM GOANAN FUCEN SHTA'ART SOME SHIT MAN FUC I FUCNE HAFE TO '3

I GOTATA FUC SOME SOHMETTHIN MAN IM FUCNE HAORONRY!@

D


FUCERS!

FUACN HAVLE ME BEHIANDH BA'LLS. IM' FUCEN HA'ER FOR STA;EALIN SHIT I FUCNE STOLE LIAKA NAIGHER@ I FUCN STEA;;LA ALL OF THAT FOAGOHGS STUSF#\

HIS FUCEN BELAOGNGINGS WERE FUCN MIN ME MAN. NO FUCEN TARMAL NO FUCAN NAIGH! F

FUCEN WOMAN MAKE A FUCN MAN STEALS!
 

are there any female guards there? you should lure her into your cell and then give her a donkey punch and have your way with her...then after a few dozen times after your balls are emptied out maybe you could start charging the other prisoners to fuck her and then use that money to bribe the guards to leave a door open and you can escape and return to your life and never have to worry about the fuckin tarmal ever again!!!!
 

FUE@!

NO FUAN; WHOARES HERE MAN. JUST FUCEN NAIGHATRS AND FAOGH'3TS!!!!!!

FUC I HAT;E BOATH. D


D

ALL WOMEON ARE FUCEN FILTH ASHTRA;YS MAN. ALL FUCEN WOAM;'A


DE
 

well how much time you got left on your bid? can you hold out till your release date? if not, id say find the most feminine prisoner you can find and make him squeal like a pig...
 

aaaaaaaaaahhh. Boobies.
 

flyteeth - what are visiting hours at your place of incarceration?
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

so i got a fucking gift card from my mother today to best buy...

I hate gift cards. I hate them with all of my being. They are the stupidest fucking thing ever invented.

It's a racket. Do you know that almost all gift cards expire with a balance remaining?

I'm in the business. We push gift cards hard. Because whatever isn't spent on the card, we get back.

Think about how truly retarded a gift card is.

"Hey. Here's a $50 gift card for Best Buy. It's valid at any participating Best Buy location. Just make sure to use it in one year. After one year, remaining balanced is returned to Best Buy. Not valid for online purchases of $20 or under. Non-transferrable. Cannot be combined with other coupons or offers. Only valid at participating retail stores."

"Gee, thanks. I do love electronics."

Now, the truly wise gift giver:

"Hey. Here's a $50 bill. This bad boy is valid anywhere that provides a good or service, illegal drugs and/or prostitution included. Can be traded for other currencies, all across the world. In certain countries, it's value will triple or quadruple, based on how desperate the locals are. Can be combined with unlimited bills of varying denomination. It's completely transferrable, and will never expire, unless the mighty U.S. shall one day fall and perish from the earth. "

"Gee, thanks. This $50 bill will work a lot better in Bangkok than a fucking Best Buy gift card!"



Gift cards are a fucking cash COW for businesses. By buying one, you are putting a giant corporate cock in your mouth.

They seem so innocuous, ya know? But they are pure fucking evil, I kid you not.

Do not ever, under any circumstances buy a fucking gift card. Give cash.

In fact, how ridiculous is the whole gift-giving-recieving aspect of Christmas anyway?

What if we all sat down, and just talked it out.

"Hey Joel, how much are you gonna spend on my gift?"

"Uh...like 30 bucks."

"That's cool, I was gonna spend 40 bucks on yours. So here's a $10 bill. Don't spend it all in one place."

"Hey, bcs, aren't you breaking down a long-standing American tradition into mathematical cynicism?"

"Yes, I am. Christmas is supposed to be getting gifts for the less fortunate...getting gifts for people because they have touched you in some way...because they are special and have enriched your life and you want to show them your gratitude. Now it is just about getting something good for someone, in the hopes that they will get you something good in return. It is a selfish, greedy holiday and is a complete 180 from the practices of Jesus Christ, the man that the goddamn holiday was named for in the first place."

"Wow, you're pissed. Maybe this will cheer you up. I got you a $25 gift card to Borders..."

***Bcs angrily chokes out Joel***
 

@ bcs

I like you man. You remind me of my younger, more cynical days. I wish I could be that passionate again. Seriously.

But thanks for the 411 on gift cards. That's great information.

You heard the man everybody. Gift Cards are for suckers. So with that being said I'm going to go get my money back and buy some real gifts. Later ...
 

hey plinky...i'm pretty sure we both grew up by the mistake on the lake. if i remind me you of a younger you...than that's pretty accurate, because I am, if I recall, 10 years younger than you.

We are in the same cycle my friend, don't fret.

Let's just hope we can beat the Bengals on Sunday...
 

@BCD

Man, you're really not going to like the gift I got you. (Hides Pier One gift card.)

I hear you. Once my sister and I realized we were just trading money, we stopped exchanging gifts. And we're happier for it, even though most people think we're cold hearted Communists who kick puppies, when they fond about our anti-tradition.

In conclusion: what's a tarmal?
 

bcs, I mean. I don't know why my spell checker is insisting on BCD.
 

i'm not sure what a tarmal is, but i noticed flyteeth kept saying it. i reckon it's a word comparable to fuck or douche on this planet. you drop it a lot, and it works in many contexts.
 

Yeah, I can't figure out what a tarmal is either. I don't thing it means anything I'd want, however.

Where's Xim?

bcs, there are laws pending in MI that would take care of a lot of the issues you mentioned. Gift cards are a cash cow. They have the money all tied up, earning interest, until -- or if -- the card holder decides to use the card.

I like cash way better, too.

Oh, and boobies.
 

So anyway, with a dramatic win at the 2007 Douchies, this sideboob is forever etched in history and in my mind. I wonder if another sideboob will ever match hers. I don't see how that's possible, but then again, I never thought half the shit on this website was humanly possible.

Long live sideboob.
 

A tarmal is a pubic hair which gets caught in one's throat.

I made that up. It's got to be better than the truth, no?

@ bcs

Actually I didn't grow up here. I used to visit here about once a year to visit relatives. I started my funny little life in Florida then transplanted to Connecticut. If you want to talk about cynical people then move to New England. True dat.

I made my way to Cleveland by a juxt-a-fuck path. And it's not a very interesting story.

Oh, and we will beat the Bengals. And Tampa will kick the crap out of the 49'ers.

And squatch will stop watching porn. Someday. Hahahahahahaha, that was my best joke of the year.
 

After high school I started to find ways to damage my genitals. At first it was a simple rubber band or two and wait till I could no longer stand the pain. Not long after this I began looking for ways to permanently damage them. I discovered the Eunuch lifestyle. I got ideas about how to destroy my genitals. Being a welder by trade I built my own Burdizzo device, it was little more than a modified Vice-Grip(tm) pliers. After several attempts and failure due to my fear I decided to make the clamp automatic so I would not have any input other than to start it. One day while testing this clamp I set it off and actually had it close on one of my cords,there was excruciating pain. Right then I decided never to use this device again.

Thank you,
Burdizzo Jones
 

yo plinky

What part of CT are you in, Broheim. (Note to self - stop watching so many guido/douche youtube flicks.) Are you close to THE City or upstate?

You're right about Yankee cynicism, dude. When I moved from Dallas to Boston 11 years ago it was a shock moving to land of the never ending cheerlessness; moving to NYC just accelerated the acclimation process. I guess after getting bludgeoned with endless grouchiness and cynicism for so long I'm finally used to it. Talking to people in the flyover states freaks me out because they're all so damned friendly.

PS - glad the body cast came off.
 

@ scroter the unstoppable douche machine

I used to live in New London.
Now I live outside Cleveland. And now that you've mentioned it, I used to live in "upstate" New York. Buffalo to be exact.
Ok, enough of my biography. We'll continue tomorrow night with "How plinky lost his virginity; and how this has caused a ripple in the social fabric."

Thank you and good night.
 

I have to admit, if Burdizzo Jones is trying to be funny in a dry way then he's got me hooked. I like how he goes right into his stories, which have nothing to do with anything said in these threads.

If Burdizzo Jones isn't being funny then I'm very creeped out; and I will consider purchasing a handgun for protection. And I recommend you-all do the same.
 

Sweet 8 lb 9 oz baby Jesus, I have a strange desire to trace the sideboob outline with a sharpie. I would like to take this opportunity to thank whoever designed this dress.
 

@ Scrotebob
She probably has a good half inch at least until her nipple begins, so the chances of seeing more sideboob than this is a good possibility in the future. Of course, depending on nip size, the chances could be greater.
 

Mmmmmmmmmmm sideboob. I think I will blow a wad in my girl's pit and sideboobage in honor of BSZ's quality win.
 

@ Boobies Spake Zarathustra: Thanks for the mammaries; TARMAL!
 

Her victory is an udder delight
 

I feel that Boobie Sun God was robbed, but who am I to go against the wishes of the people?

I usually go for the brunettes, too. But, for some reason, this one freaks me out...

Oh yeah, because she looks like she's got a penis.
 

P.S. If any of you smart folk can figure out where to find more pictures of the Boobie Sun God (or HBT, for that matter), I'll send you 2 PBRs, a half-full (I'm an optimist) bottle of 'Train, and 4 used condoms (two used on animals).

Thank you.
 

Talk to me Boobies Spake Zarathustra

bk
 

Talk to me Boobies Spake Zarathustra

bk
 

Tonguey McFratChoad. That is hilarious
 

I hope her eyes are turning red because she's about to zap choad boy out of existence. Really, a tongue and a fucked-up "shocker" gesture? Dude, are you still dreaming of being 12, or perhaps doing 12-year-olds?