Friday, December 21, 2007
HCwDB of the Year: The Joey Porsche Experience
It wasn't even close.
The mighty Fish Slap and the powerful Donkey Douche have fallen.
And while this award is supposed to summon the Zen totality of both the hottie and the 'bag in communion, the power of the Joey Porsche Experience was enough of a singularity to carry him all the way to Supernova.
However, J.P. does appear to have a regular hott, she is the blonde minx who makes periodic appearances with him. And so I have included her in the award winning pic.
A well deserved and final 2007 Douchie Award for HCwDB of the Year goes to... The Joey Porsche Experience.
And while there were many great hottie/douche combos this year, JPE proves himself transcendent.
And by transcendent, I mean really freakin' douchey.
To recap the entire list, your 2007 Douchie Award Winners are:
Hottest Hott of the Year: Pajama Choad's Hott
Smells Like Poo: Tatman Begins
Best Golden Globes: Boobies Spake Zarathustra
Most Annoying New Douche Move: Pointing. At. His. Abs.
Douchiest Joey Porsche Wannabe: Johnny Blaze
Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy: The Bells
Most Expensive First Date Hott: Strawberry Cheesecake
Douchiest Twins: Stereodouchetonic Twins
Douchiest Band of the Year: Buckcherry
Douchiest Group Scrote: The Douche Platoon
Spikiest Hair: Douchsplosion
Best DB1's Future Ex-Wife Hott: Purg Hottie
Douchiest Everybag: Ricky
Most Polluted HCwDB Couple: The Chestnut Trees
The Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award: The Gator
Douchiest Popped Collar: Pinky
Douchiest Celebrity Couple: Jessica Alba and Cash Warren
Greatest Crisis of Modernity: The Long Journey
Orangest Orange: The Prompas
Sexiest Librarian Glasses: Scrotey Opie's Hott
Hottest Girl-Next-Door Hott: Clay Wankin's Hott
Hottest Innocent Getting Greasetackled: Chandlerbag and the Bumper
Most Annoying 'Bagling: White By Unpopular Happenstance
Douchiest Superhero: The Batbag
In Memoriam: Pumpy
Great work to all who participated in the brilliant comments threads, votes, opinions and a special shout-out to the regulars, both commentators and 'bag hunters, who keep the site filled with hottie/douchey energy on a daily basis.
It's Friday, The Douchies are over, and your humble narrator on all things ArmaniExchange/Cleavite, The DB1 is in New York preparing to get wrecked and save a hottie or three. So I tip my cup of Night Train and congratulate all of our 2007 Douchie Winners. It's time to start drinkin'.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 10:41 AM 
Comments:
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What does Joey Porsche win? If it is a kick to the nads I would love to be a guest presenter.
# posted by 
: 8:21 AM
: 8:21 AM
Where is the re-count??? DB1, did you count all of the chads? What if people who voted didn't understand who they were really voting for? Ugh, I agree that Jersey is the melting pot of all things douche, but we aren't talking about bag/not a bag - its Fish Slap for fuck sake.
FUCK FISH SLAP!
FUCK FISH SLAP!
Bah. No one appreciates the totality of douchetude that is The Donk. Now he is going to have to go out tonight and put on his pouty face. Not that you could tell.
Good job Joey. Have a pull of the Goose for me and then kill yourself.
And what's with Pumpy? Did I miss something? Did he move on to the big Nightclub In The Sky or something?
And DB1, what happened to the "Cheesiest Bling" category? I was hoping that Wampa would make another appearance!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
Good job Joey. Have a pull of the Goose for me and then kill yourself.
And what's with Pumpy? Did I miss something? Did he move on to the big Nightclub In The Sky or something?
And DB1, what happened to the "Cheesiest Bling" category? I was hoping that Wampa would make another appearance!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
Nicely done DB1, I know a lot of work went into putting this awards show together....and by work I mean leering at boobies for days on end.
Seriously, nice work.
Seriously, nice work.
I'm totally pumped on getting the bagling right. That kid should've been murdered that night and the two blondes returned to me.
Thank you DB1 for hosting. See ya'll next year. Happy Holidays.
Fuck Fish Slap,
The Duke
Thank you DB1 for hosting. See ya'll next year. Happy Holidays.
Fuck Fish Slap,
The Duke
# posted by : 8:40 AM
: 8:40 AM
DB1 - thanks for the great year. You should get a Nobel for channelling the power of the cyberhivemind to advance thinking re one of creation's unanswerable questions. Thanks also for the Hotts, the forum and the other stuff. And by otherstuff, I mean side boob. Looking forward to '08.
# posted by : 8:43 AM
: 8:43 AM
YES!!! While the Donk was my personal favorite, I had to relinquish my biased opinion and vote for Joey P. Anyone who saw his myspace page would have to agree.
Oh, next time I see any myspace page that comes anywhere close to that, I promise the 'bag hunting community that I will rip down a copy of it before the offending douche makes his profile private. I'll figure out what to do with it from there. The Joey P's of the world can run, but they will no longer hide.
Thanks DB1 and fellow hunters to a successful year of 'bag hunting and slaying. I can only imagine that 2008 will keep us challenged.
Douche on. Oh yeah, and even in defeat: screw you Fish Slap.
Oh, next time I see any myspace page that comes anywhere close to that, I promise the 'bag hunting community that I will rip down a copy of it before the offending douche makes his profile private. I'll figure out what to do with it from there. The Joey P's of the world can run, but they will no longer hide.
Thanks DB1 and fellow hunters to a successful year of 'bag hunting and slaying. I can only imagine that 2008 will keep us challenged.
Douche on. Oh yeah, and even in defeat: screw you Fish Slap.
DB1,
Thanks for a great year of high comedy and soul-shattering mental assault. After the douchies, I need a shower and a wire brush scrubbing for my brain.
Enjoy the LES scene and I hope you are armed with a decent digi-cam to record the douchebration that will be NYC at year's end.
Now, can you pleeeeeease remove the Tatman pics. His grease dirt is oozing through my monitor.
Thanks for a great year of high comedy and soul-shattering mental assault. After the douchies, I need a shower and a wire brush scrubbing for my brain.
Enjoy the LES scene and I hope you are armed with a decent digi-cam to record the douchebration that will be NYC at year's end.
Now, can you pleeeeeease remove the Tatman pics. His grease dirt is oozing through my monitor.
# posted by : 8:54 AM
: 8:54 AM
@DB1
Fantastic job with the Douchies. Looking forward to a productive 2008.
Spare a thought for Pumpy's family on Christmas day.
Fantastic job with the Douchies. Looking forward to a productive 2008.
Spare a thought for Pumpy's family on Christmas day.
# posted by : 9:07 AM
: 9:07 AM
Thanks DB1 for all your efforts. This isn't just about entertainment- it's a yard stick for civilization. I saw a photo of me being too close to the line and have jumped back.
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
Great work everyone. I think we should tally our own votes for contributor of the year as well as HCwDB poet laureate in this comment thread.
My vote goes for COTY goes to the sock!
And for PL ED.
And I'd just like to add TARMAL!
Oh and F.F.S.
and Boobies!
My vote goes for COTY goes to the sock!
And for PL ED.
And I'd just like to add TARMAL!
Oh and F.F.S.
and Boobies!
Congrats all douchie winners. Especially Joey Porsche, and by congrats to Joey I mean I hope he gets knocked out with a brick.
# posted by : 9:46 AM
: 9:46 AM
I have but one request: will someone who still has access to JP's myspace page please haul ass there post-haste to inform him of his win and relay also this message:
"SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!"
And by "SPEECH!" I mean DIE!!!
Awww thanks D. Baggins. too kind.
"SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!"
And by "SPEECH!" I mean DIE!!!
Awww thanks D. Baggins. too kind.
Bag Islander didnt win a single award!? God dammit! Im boycotting next year..........I still want a t-shirt/poster of bag islander with some douchey quote above it, like "yeah, im a doushe bag"
# posted by : 10:07 AM
: 10:07 AM
@indiana douche
Yep, DB1 informed us, through a mutual friend, that Pumpy died a couple of months back. DB1 also let us know that Pumpy apparently enjoyed his nickname and his presence on the site, which made us feel all a little more warmly toward this gentle giant.
But enough with the maudlin. Bravo DB1, and a heartfelt thanks to all of the other basement-dwelling vigins here who so generously shared their humor and allowed me to participate in my own small way.
To sump up: FUE @F@C#, slurp the doodie p, YOU LOSERS WEAR LEVIS, you will know Gotti, and I'll make this site bleed. We'll all make this site bleed.
Yep, DB1 informed us, through a mutual friend, that Pumpy died a couple of months back. DB1 also let us know that Pumpy apparently enjoyed his nickname and his presence on the site, which made us feel all a little more warmly toward this gentle giant.
But enough with the maudlin. Bravo DB1, and a heartfelt thanks to all of the other basement-dwelling vigins here who so generously shared their humor and allowed me to participate in my own small way.
To sump up: FUE @F@C#, slurp the doodie p, YOU LOSERS WEAR LEVIS, you will know Gotti, and I'll make this site bleed. We'll all make this site bleed.
# posted by : 10:13 AM
: 10:13 AM
thanks for the laughs!!
LSD and Shermsticks for all..
except Fish Slap.
Fuck Fish Slap.
Merry Christmas!
LSD and Shermsticks for all..
except Fish Slap.
Fuck Fish Slap.
Merry Christmas!
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
DB1,
From my perspective as an intermittent regular, these Douchies summarize the year with extraordinary quality. Great work!
Douche On!
From my perspective as an intermittent regular, these Douchies summarize the year with extraordinary quality. Great work!
Douche On!
Slap was robbed........... Chicago will make the 91 bulls "celebration" look like the 2007 Spurs celebration in chicago. If you didn't get it, in 91 they tore chicago up, and nobody i knew watched Cleveland and San Antonio in that booring ass series. In memory of the SchlapMeister, can someone link me his myspace page?
# posted by : 10:39 AM
: 10:39 AM
The sad reality of this is that at this time next year, Donk and Fish Slap will still be polluting hotts. Joey Porsche will be an after thought, working at Subway. He'll be the guy who you make sure is wearing the plastic gloves so your BMT on rye isn't infected with what ever various diseases he has.
Damn, Fish Slap was robbed
he should have been a shoo-in
for bag of the year.
Good job nonethless
on preparing the Douchies
I knew it was hard
sorting out douchebags
and revisiting hot hotts
caused smiles and vomit
he should have been a shoo-in
for bag of the year.
Good job nonethless
on preparing the Douchies
I knew it was hard
sorting out douchebags
and revisiting hot hotts
caused smiles and vomit
# posted by : 10:44 AM
: 10:44 AM
Great choices all around, DB1. I have very much enjoyed your site over the past year. keep up the great work, and by work I mean awesome. See you in '08.
DB1,
for next year, perhaps there could be a seperate yearly runoff for the best douche/hott combo within a single picture. It's hard to argue with JPE's corpus, but I don't think he has a single picture that could begin to compete with the Trainwreck. I feel that picture didn't get its due.
By the by, where do you booze when you're in the city? It's good to know there is an extra soldier fighting the good fight against Jersey and LI 'bags this evening.
for next year, perhaps there could be a seperate yearly runoff for the best douche/hott combo within a single picture. It's hard to argue with JPE's corpus, but I don't think he has a single picture that could begin to compete with the Trainwreck. I feel that picture didn't get its due.
By the by, where do you booze when you're in the city? It's good to know there is an extra soldier fighting the good fight against Jersey and LI 'bags this evening.
Thanks for all the work this year DB1. You made most of my days at this shit-show of a job tolerable.
Also eventhough i didn't vote for JPE he is a most deserving award winner.
Merry xmas and happy New Year
and by Merry xmas i mean "Fuck" and by Happy New Year I mean "Fish Slap".
Also eventhough i didn't vote for JPE he is a most deserving award winner.
Merry xmas and happy New Year
and by Merry xmas i mean "Fuck" and by Happy New Year I mean "Fish Slap".
I will scream Fuck Fish Slap off the mountain tops until He wins an award. In fact, its now my - and all of ours - new sign off.
FUCK FISH SLAP!
FUCK FISH SLAP!
This has been the best 6 months of my e-life. This is 2nd to only that 2 chicks 1 cup site i keep hearing about. DB1, great work man. And by great work, I mean Blank blank Slap. Slap will be my Clay Aiken.
# posted by : 11:22 AM
: 11:22 AM
DB1, congrats on putting together a great awards show. Quite.
And a special R.I.P. to Pumpy. It's great that he actually liked being featured here. Kind of doesn't make him much of a douchebag, now does it?
And a special congrats to Joey Porsche. May I find you in an alley someday, so I can give you your "baby seal treatment" award with a baseball bat.
Quite.
And a special R.I.P. to Pumpy. It's great that he actually liked being featured here. Kind of doesn't make him much of a douchebag, now does it?
And a special congrats to Joey Porsche. May I find you in an alley someday, so I can give you your "baby seal treatment" award with a baseball bat.
Quite.
# posted by : 11:32 AM
: 11:32 AM
There is no douche that has left me in a state of complete confusion like the uber douche Joey Porsche. I just kept telling myself "Can this guy be for real?"
The oompa loompas had me mystified as well but were not quite as complete in douchitude as JP
The oompa loompas had me mystified as well but were not quite as complete in douchitude as JP
# posted by : 11:32 AM
: 11:32 AM
@d.baggins,
Thanks man. I appreciate the nice thought. Everybody have a safe and merry Christmas. Let's hit 'em hard in '08.
Thanks man. I appreciate the nice thought. Everybody have a safe and merry Christmas. Let's hit 'em hard in '08.
reservoir douche - Thanks for the Pumpy info. Too bad about the guy. Boobies all over the world will miss being grabbed by his meaty hamhock.
And I was perusing the list of winners and continue to be amazed that Donkey Douche did not win a single award!! Inconceivable! The man (or cro-magnon) who personified the modern douchebag was shut out of all categories! It's a travesty!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
And I was perusing the list of winners and continue to be amazed that Donkey Douche did not win a single award!! Inconceivable! The man (or cro-magnon) who personified the modern douchebag was shut out of all categories! It's a travesty!
Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag
Here's to 08 douchebags with new maneuvers, new combinations, new hott bag huntresses, and updated HOF pics. Also I want to say that we should all be proud of ourselves for all of the work hours we wasted here. It was all worth it.
# posted by : 11:50 AM
: 11:50 AM
Someone has to notify J.P. of this tremendous accomplishment. My guess is that he' never won a competition in his whole pathetic greasy life. My only question is: will J.P. be eligible next year so that he can defend his title? My guess is that he has a lot more douchiness left inside his skinny little body.
-Hairy Prodder
P.S. Fuck FishSlap!
-Hairy Prodder
P.S. Fuck FishSlap!
# posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM
I will say this that no matter who won if there was a Mt Douchemore for this year all three of these shitbirds would be there along with the Gator who's face is already made of stone.
Lets have it! Our own Mt. Douchemore!!!
Lets have it! Our own Mt. Douchemore!!!
# posted by : 12:33 PM
: 12:33 PM
unfortunately i wasnt around when JP made his first appearance on the site...is there any way to still see his myspace? i feel like i'm really missing out.
# posted by : 12:33 PM
: 12:33 PM
Good work DB1!
It's been a great year for hcwdb.com. Looking forward to the new year of 'baggs, hotts, and titts.
-Orel
It's been a great year for hcwdb.com. Looking forward to the new year of 'baggs, hotts, and titts.
-Orel
@ anon 12:33
I, too got here Post Porshe-Private. Thus my Joey (really, who calls themselves "Joey" other than six-year-olds?) Porsche Experience had to wait until 10-01-07 in the comments thread.
I, too got here Post Porshe-Private. Thus my Joey (really, who calls themselves "Joey" other than six-year-olds?) Porsche Experience had to wait until 10-01-07 in the comments thread.
I've left a message for JP on his myspace page. Hopefully he'll read it and come over here to check out what he's won and perhaps even grace us with a bon mot or two. Hopefully he can actually read messages written in complete sentences, much less in English.
Oh Man. Christmas may come early if Joey Douchebag of the Year Porsche decides to deliver a speech.
I suspect that little wanker will whine and ask DB1 to take down his pics. If he does, the Ghost of Pumpy will forever haunt JP smacking him around like a spectral playground bully.
I suspect that little wanker will whine and ask DB1 to take down his pics. If he does, the Ghost of Pumpy will forever haunt JP smacking him around like a spectral playground bully.
# posted by : 1:47 PM
: 1:47 PM
I also found Joey after he made his profile private, but being a cute girl and all, I get to be his "friend". (: But I see someone else already beat me to the honor of notifying Joey of his Douchebag of the Year status. Oh well.
# posted by : 1:57 PM
: 1:57 PM
Good to see Gator have his own category. Being a professional, I can see how he was not allowed to participate in the finals.
Also, special mention has to go to fytteeth. If there was an emcee for these awards, he would have to be the presenter. Sorry DB1, but you don't have near the literary gift he has. And by literary gift, I mean palsy.
Also, special mention has to go to fytteeth. If there was an emcee for these awards, he would have to be the presenter. Sorry DB1, but you don't have near the literary gift he has. And by literary gift, I mean palsy.
# posted by : 1:59 PM
: 1:59 PM
This thread is reminding me of a drunk holiday party. Pass the Beam, please.
And by pass, I mean fuck. And by beam I mean... Well you know what I mean.
Viva Jeff 'Bagwell's hott!
And by pass, I mean fuck. And by beam I mean... Well you know what I mean.
Viva Jeff 'Bagwell's hott!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance to everyone. DB1, keep up the good work. To all the regulars - Ed, Sock, b.a.g., dildo, bagglio, clementine, pfah - keep up the excellent commenting. You really brighten my day sometimes.
Way to go Joey, you really are a bigtime loser.
Later everyone.
Way to go Joey, you really are a bigtime loser.
Later everyone.
# posted by : 3:08 PM
: 3:08 PM
Great work DB1. If you see J.P. while you're out hit him in his greasy head with that bottle o' Train. You guys are some funny bastards, have a great holiday, and can't wait to see the next turd patrol in '08.
# posted by : 3:16 PM
: 3:16 PM
I've composed a little umm holiday prose for my ummm uhhh well you people.
Merry Christmas bitch!
Gimme back my shit.
Hope that guy you're fucking gives you herps or the clap.
Remember that one party when we got drunk and high?
You know the one where you took it from the back?
Well it wasn't just me, I included a few friends to train your little mudhorn.
I don't think Larry used a condom when he blew his load.
Why didn't you notice the other 3 cats were black?
Mines a healthy eighter but theirs were a foot and a half.
Whatever. Gutterslut now you can use that hole for a garage
And park my fucking beemer there whenever you come home.
Merry Christmas bitch!
Happy non-denominational generic winter holiday celebration everyone. May all your drunks be easy and all your hotts easy and drunk!
Merry Christmas bitch!
Gimme back my shit.
Hope that guy you're fucking gives you herps or the clap.
Remember that one party when we got drunk and high?
You know the one where you took it from the back?
Well it wasn't just me, I included a few friends to train your little mudhorn.
I don't think Larry used a condom when he blew his load.
Why didn't you notice the other 3 cats were black?
Mines a healthy eighter but theirs were a foot and a half.
Whatever. Gutterslut now you can use that hole for a garage
And park my fucking beemer there whenever you come home.
Merry Christmas bitch!
Happy non-denominational generic winter holiday celebration everyone. May all your drunks be easy and all your hotts easy and drunk!
@ d. baggins
That was a delightful trainwreck. I didn't want to read through it all,and yet, I couldn't look away.
Happy Festivis! (see Seinfeld).
Fuck Fish Slap!
That was a delightful trainwreck. I didn't want to read through it all,and yet, I couldn't look away.
Happy Festivis! (see Seinfeld).
Fuck Fish Slap!
Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
DB1 - Thank you, kind sir, for all of your hard work. New York City welcomes you. I'll raise some MD 20/20 in your honor as I'm shitting myself in the Village this evening.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa and a Douche-free New Year.
See ya on the flip side as we rejoin again to keep the world safe from douchedom
:cue music and star
"The More You Know"
DB1 - Thank you, kind sir, for all of your hard work. New York City welcomes you. I'll raise some MD 20/20 in your honor as I'm shitting myself in the Village this evening.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa and a Douche-free New Year.
See ya on the flip side as we rejoin again to keep the world safe from douchedom
:cue music and star
"The More You Know"
# posted by : 5:29 PM
: 5:29 PM
The last 2 months since I've found this site have been the most entertaining wank off time at work I've ever had. Thanks DB1, you are more important to me than job security.
To all the contenders in this years Douchies, I must whole-heartedly say, thank you. You may be banging hotts for no discernible reason, and pissing me off in the aftermath, but at least I can laugh at you on a level you will NEVER fully comprehend. And that is worth its weight in gold, and by that I mean, gold Jesus bling. I envy your simulacra, because I am not able to compete, but such is the order of the chaos.
I love all you other commenter's too, thanks for the funny.
-eradicatoor
To all the contenders in this years Douchies, I must whole-heartedly say, thank you. You may be banging hotts for no discernible reason, and pissing me off in the aftermath, but at least I can laugh at you on a level you will NEVER fully comprehend. And that is worth its weight in gold, and by that I mean, gold Jesus bling. I envy your simulacra, because I am not able to compete, but such is the order of the chaos.
I love all you other commenter's too, thanks for the funny.
-eradicatoor
Hey DB1, same praise as everyone else, I found your site this fall when I was extremely bored, and I check this site more than I check my email. Thanks for the good times and the good show. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to buy your book when it comes out. Douche On
- Anon
- Anon
# posted by : 5:55 PM
: 5:55 PM
Hey DB1, same praise as everyone else, I found your site this fall when I was extremely bored, and I check this site more than I check my email. Thanks for the good times and the good show. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to buy your book when it comes out. Douche On
- Anon
- Anon
# posted by : 5:55 PM
: 5:55 PM
Joey lives, Pumpy's gone.
Our thoughts to Puppy's family on this Christmas holiday.
And by thoughts I mean thoughts.
You left us too young.
We miss your huge biceps and your humor Pumpy.
Miss you.
R.I.P. Pumpster
Our thoughts to Puppy's family on this Christmas holiday.
And by thoughts I mean thoughts.
You left us too young.
We miss your huge biceps and your humor Pumpy.
Miss you.
R.I.P. Pumpster
# posted by : 6:17 PM
: 6:17 PM
Dang, I can't believe Pumpy's gone. I will go and paw at my wife's boobies in his honor.
Keep up the great work DB1. A toast of the 'train in your honor.
Merry Christmas, everyone. And by merry Christmas, I mean Fuck Fish Slap!
Keep up the great work DB1. A toast of the 'train in your honor.
Merry Christmas, everyone. And by merry Christmas, I mean Fuck Fish Slap!
# posted by : 7:26 PM
: 7:26 PM
First off, congratulations and fuck you, JP.
Second, thanks to DB1 for providing a witty reparte, comraderie, and snarky wonderfulness.
And boobies.
I wish you, those you love, those you tell you love, those you make a furtive grab at at closing time, and those you give twenty bucks and a rock, a very happy holiday season.
Fuck Fish Slap!
Merry Tarmal!
Second, thanks to DB1 for providing a witty reparte, comraderie, and snarky wonderfulness.
And boobies.
I wish you, those you love, those you tell you love, those you make a furtive grab at at closing time, and those you give twenty bucks and a rock, a very happy holiday season.
Fuck Fish Slap!
Merry Tarmal!
Thanks for a great year DB1. Here's to a choad filled 2008.
And I've said it before and I'll say it again - RIP Pumpy.
Douche on!
JB
And I've said it before and I'll say it again - RIP Pumpy.
Douche on!
JB
# posted by : 8:48 AM
: 8:48 AM
A toast to Joey Fuckin Carrera. So raise your bottles of Goose, everyone. Here's to the "addictid" one. And by raise, I mean smash them over his spikey melon. Happy Douche Year to all the hunters out there. And DB1, may your bag-hunting continue to be successful in '08. If you happen to run into "Ya Digggg" while you're in New York, kick him in the pebbles for us. See ya on the other side.
Deuche Baggilo
Deuche Baggilo
Mu fucking holiday is ruined now! Mom is going to be so upset that Fish Slap did not make it. What am I going to tell the kids?
merry christmas to all the regulars, anon lurkers, anon haters, ALL CAPS RANDY, mike d, ricky, ricky's aborted fetus, thor, the gator, flyteeth, and most of all, fuck fish slap.
and go browns bitches!
and go browns bitches!
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the club
Not a douchebag was stirring
Not even a scrub
The choads all glinty
With grease on their forehead
The hots dressed skimpy
In small pieces of thread
When all of a sudden, there arose such a commotion
I sprang from the dance floor to see what was in motion
I looked on in horror, I watched in fear
Before me stood the bags
I’d laughed at all year
Fish Slap in his hats, Batbag and boy wonder
Tatman with his tats, Trainwreck and his thunder
Rackin up trophies with hot chicks by their side
Winnin the Douchies without skippin a stride
When all of a sudden came some puckered lip teens
Led by a new top contender
From Great Neck, Queens.
Won the weekly then monthly
He and his friends
But will he win big
It all just depends
He rose through the ranks
His Myspace was checked
At his side stood some skanks
With no self respect
Was it all just a prank
Or was he for real
These girls sure must stank
If they let bags like him cop a feel
We thought it a joke
It must be fake
Only a Guido on coke
Could be suck a flake
At the top of his voice I then heard him shout
Down Creeper, down Crustacean, down Rooster Wank
Down Lobster, down Slap
Down all you skank
Not Peaches with his point, not Gator with his stare
Even the Fish Slap had not a prayer
Not Bag Islander and his “hey, bra” face
Would belong anywhere in this race
Not Donkey, not the twins, Not even the Rickster
With his shimmey shimmey shuffle and his famous twister
Could unseat JP
And his Jersey Shore Three
The hunters did well
It’s been quite a year
Now it’s time
To kill myself with beer
-Deuche Baggilo
And all through the club
Not a douchebag was stirring
Not even a scrub
The choads all glinty
With grease on their forehead
The hots dressed skimpy
In small pieces of thread
When all of a sudden, there arose such a commotion
I sprang from the dance floor to see what was in motion
I looked on in horror, I watched in fear
Before me stood the bags
I’d laughed at all year
Fish Slap in his hats, Batbag and boy wonder
Tatman with his tats, Trainwreck and his thunder
Rackin up trophies with hot chicks by their side
Winnin the Douchies without skippin a stride
When all of a sudden came some puckered lip teens
Led by a new top contender
From Great Neck, Queens.
Won the weekly then monthly
He and his friends
But will he win big
It all just depends
He rose through the ranks
His Myspace was checked
At his side stood some skanks
With no self respect
Was it all just a prank
Or was he for real
These girls sure must stank
If they let bags like him cop a feel
We thought it a joke
It must be fake
Only a Guido on coke
Could be suck a flake
At the top of his voice I then heard him shout
Down Creeper, down Crustacean, down Rooster Wank
Down Lobster, down Slap
Down all you skank
Not Peaches with his point, not Gator with his stare
Even the Fish Slap had not a prayer
Not Bag Islander and his “hey, bra” face
Would belong anywhere in this race
Not Donkey, not the twins, Not even the Rickster
With his shimmey shimmey shuffle and his famous twister
Could unseat JP
And his Jersey Shore Three
The hunters did well
It’s been quite a year
Now it’s time
To kill myself with beer
-Deuche Baggilo
I only hope that Joey Porsche appreciates this honor, and he and his kissy-faced pals come back in '08 really, really orange.
# posted by : 12:22 PM
: 12:22 PM
If anyone knows the cyborg posing with Joey please reprogram her with new operative goals for 2008.
the flying burrito brother is not the top winner in my books, surely Donkey Douche was, but I never saw Joey's MySpace page...if Joey is a picture of what they do in Hoboken then let the good times roll, but it's WestCoasScrotes who rock the boat!
thanks DB1 for gleaning the nicest boobies from far and near for us to drool over.
HairyHoldiays to all Douchers Scrotes!
bk
the flying burrito brother is not the top winner in my books, surely Donkey Douche was, but I never saw Joey's MySpace page...if Joey is a picture of what they do in Hoboken then let the good times roll, but it's WestCoasScrotes who rock the boat!
thanks DB1 for gleaning the nicest boobies from far and near for us to drool over.
HairyHoldiays to all Douchers Scrotes!
bk
# posted by : 12:00 PM
: 12:00 PM
For all you Joey Porche fans out there, if you haven't seen this masterpiece you're missing out!
http://www.myspace.com/joeythedouchebag
http://www.myspace.com/joeythedouchebag
# posted by : 1:04 PM
: 1:04 PM
Congratulations, Joey.
Now celebrate with what appears to be a limp-wristed left hook to her stomach, you choad.
R.I.P., Pumpy.
Now celebrate with what appears to be a limp-wristed left hook to her stomach, you choad.
R.I.P., Pumpy.
# posted by : 8:32 PM
: 8:32 PM
Joey Porsche... Look at this douche's hair, it looks like an Applebee's Bloomin' Onion. What a douche.
# posted by : 10:20 AM
: 10:20 AM
Yeah, bigalow, I don't understand the fascination with the cactus/dead porcupine hairstyle that seems to be all the rage these days. I'd have to shoot myself if that was my hair.
# posted by : 11:42 PM
: 11:42 PM
Thank you, this site is utterly brilliant. I am at a complete loss for words. thank's again.
# posted by : 2:40 PM
: 2:40 PM
Where is the re-count??? DB1, did you count all of the chads?
Don't hafta cound the chads, if you count the choads...
Don't hafta cound the chads, if you count the choads...
# posted by : 9:08 AM
: 9:08 AM
LMAO i went to school with this kid!
he'd come into classes in matching adidas jumpsuits without a shirt on underneath and the top half zipped down
he'd come into classes in matching adidas jumpsuits without a shirt on underneath and the top half zipped down
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH....
I know that guy, hes name is LEO. That girl was his girlfriend for a while. He definitely fits the "gotti" description type douchebag.
I know that guy, hes name is LEO. That girl was his girlfriend for a while. He definitely fits the "gotti" description type douchebag.
# posted by : 7:07 AM
: 7:07 AM
I >>LOVE<< this website! I was in Las Vegas last weekend and the Douche Bags were out in FULL FORCE! I could not stand it. I can't hate just the guys... some of the girls are fake, Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian wannabes too. They're just as annoying!
# posted by : 5:03 PM
: 5:03 PM
Holy shite.. I've never seen so many Douchebags in one place. You need to roadtrip it to Melbourne Australia. You will come across the douchest of the douchebags. They make The Joey Porsche Experience look like Mr Bean on crack
# posted by : 4:40 AM
: 4:40 AM
Popped collar should have definitely went to the due with several collars popped. That is just atrocious.
# posted by : 8:25 PM
: 8:25 PM
i went to high school with this douche. he got rejected from the football team as a child for being too scrawny and small. he had BRACES til the end of senior year (even at prom)
JOEY you would think to make a stage name, you long island bread fucking metro wannabe ginny YOU ARE NOT ITALIAN
JOEY you would think to make a stage name, you long island bread fucking metro wannabe ginny YOU ARE NOT ITALIAN
# posted by : 10:04 PM
: 10:04 PM
yeh guy, punch her in the tummy. this is what a scrote does when he doesnt get enough sleep the night before pic time and forgets his patented hand position. it makes me wanna drink a lava lamp and crawl down a steep hill headfirst.
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