good to see blogger figured their shit out. just in time for me to get blackout drunk.

this video would be ideal if a jihadist rolled in the last 3 seconds and killed the douchey infidels...
 

I'm wondering if background Douche #2, the one with the mankerchief around his neck, sunglasses, cap tilt, and clam-digging jeans, originally planned on robbing a bank and just happened upon a cheesy Jersey Shore summer dance club instead.

And blue pirate douche, I simply have no comment other than I'm sure the Target Boys Department thanks you for your clothing purchases.
 

i kinda hate to toot my own horn here but, my last contribution on the Hattica!! Hattica!! thread might be my best work to date on this site.

my wife is out having dinner with two girlfriends and i am home working. well, working and checking out the best website in the whole wide world.
 

Ya know, as a white guy, I'm pretty sure my ability to dance ranks me in the lower half of the populace of the world when it comes to rhythm, timing, and overall style. But for the love of God, if I look ANYTHING like this, I nominate myself for the Trashcan to the Head award, and would appreciate it if anyone who ever witnessed such a display would immediately deliver said award to me.
 

Looks like pirate homie won.

Yay, pirate homie. Good job!
 

A prime example of why I believe the theory of evolution is bullshit.
 

oh man, that is rich! the minute he starts "dancing", the girl just walks off.

that is comedy. and so is his outfit.
 

Oh my God!
 

Normally I'm not a violent guy.

But I thought the same thing that bcs expressed in his comment.

It must take a hazmat team a week to cleanse that area following this display of scrote.

@pfah: Yeah, I was thinking "Who dresses these people? My seven year-old nephew puts clothes together better than this."
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

sometimes i get these deep thoughts. i feel as though my mind is sinking deep down into the earth, and im watching myself slowly trail off into the distance.

my mind escapes my body and i'm finally free to eternally dream. forever create the beautiful landscapes I project in between living.

i make movies and poems and sonnets and lyrics to a song i've known my whole life, yet only listened to a handful of times.

this song is always playing, but i can only hear it at certain places.


last night i dreamed of a village, in which every night, i would get up on stage and sing and dance for everyone. i got praised and cheered and i went to bed with a smile on my face.

i woke up and stumbled downstairs, half awake and still half-drunk, and chugged a half gallon of no-pulp orange juice, and suddenly, my chest felt as if it was going to explode. and then it did.

i then realized i was still asleep as out of my chest came a thousand insects, and as soon as they landed they started growing. the insects then started singing, and i started singing along...and suddenly, the happy people of the village returned.

we all started singing, and the dream ended much like the quintessential musical scene at the climax of every disney movie...where everyone has overcome their obstacles and all is well and we all sing because we all live happily ever after.

then i was thrusted awake by the electronic screaming of my japanese cell-phone, the alarm clock set to 7:00. but today would be a snooze day. not only snooze, but i'm pushing back til 8am.

i've always been able to quickly return to dreams, and yesterday was no exception.

the collective song of the climax was over and it was time for the falling action. i bowed and thanked everyone around me. the insects and the villagers all shaked my hands, most of them with two hands and deep admiration. picture a hobbit or midget type creature thanking a gigantic beast for sparing its life. thats how my hands were being shaked.

i started walking on to a beach and as i got closer to what i could only assume was the ocean, the waves got more and more violent.

at that part in my dream, i assumed and accepted that i was about to die. i was about to experience a painful, watery death...and i accepted it.

i relaxed and tried to remember that life was a gift, and i was lucky enough to recieve it.

imagine the sperm, braxton. there were millions who had the chance but failed. you made it into the egg. you won the life lottery.

i started weeping uncontrollably in the dream and realized that every goddamn moment of my self-abusing life had been a gift...that while i was trying to destroy myself and my demons inside, i was actually more alive than anyone else around me. that the still frame of my downward spiral would be inspiration for generations to come. that the life i so thoroughly detested...the world around me i so verbally denounced...was the most beautiful snapshot of life that history had ever seen...the waves crashed down on me and water entered my lungs and i inhaled it with enthusiasm, welcoming death as a long needed vacation from thought and consciousness...

i then woke up, and it was 7:03.

that feeling i had in that dream...finding beauty in despair...finding truth in what seemed to be neverending bullshit...

looking into the face of death and finding life and all it's beauty...

well that's the exact opposite of what i'm feeling now.

i want to brutally and with no remorse, murder everyone that is taking part in this video.

die. die. die.

shit, i revealed my first name.
 

braxton?

really?

fuckin'a dude. that's cool.
 

I thought it was Bullshit.

That's such a moving tale of magic, loss, and no-pulp orange juice.

Where did you score the 'ludes?
 

nah no ludes. just a lot of liquor and pot.

yes it's braxton. so when my handle changes from bcs to braxton, don't be surprised.

im sorry for that. once i start going, its hard for me to stop.
 

Dude that was some righteous stream of conscience going on.
 

Sorry, I couldnt even get past 38 secondss, and getting that far into the video had me clawing at my eyes and my cats now hate me. Thanks. This is one of them "Playas" I mentioned that get bet on in clubs...

there is a fucking sea of douche in the background...Call Massengil, it's their Alaskan Oil Fields, discovered!
 

Yes bcs, I hear you. This pirate douchebag pulled me out of my 10 year sleep! But wait, upon second thought as I rub the douche-crust out of my eyes, it may be the chicken-flapping, invisible-ladder climbing, double dutching, wristband at 3/4 elbow height wearing, Y w/o the MCA-ing, out-a-breath after 15 seconds, too douched to really be that satified with himself assmonkey that awoke me. Where am I? What year is it? And why did that sweet hottie hiding under that cap not give him a knee to the scrote? Doesn't she know that douching after sex is estimated to reduce the chances of conception by only 15-25%. In comparison, proper condom use reduces the chance of conception by as much as 97%. Oh, if only their mothers would have rolled one down instead of tilting one up. Douchebags the lot of 'em.
 

Here's the thing -- if one is on ecstasy, one cannot help but dance ... however, one assumes that one dresses oneself previous to dropping pills ... and I assume that one actually isn't on ecstasy, which is sad.

I haven't done ecstasy since 2000, but I know what it feels like to be on it, hear techno and bust out an awful white boy dance. We're all 19 at some point ... but that dude was like 28, wearing a bandana and countless other awful things.

I hate humanity.
 

awesome.

what would normally make me angry just tickles my funny bone, making me wanna get wrapped on a blue mandana and do the guido punch in ibiza.

oh god i'm succumbing to the dark side.
 

videos are going to be to this website what wormholes are to space travel.

I cant wait.
 

Wow. Those guys reek of Jersey or Coney Island beach. When I see guys like that walking down the street I think "well, there is one guy who I don't have to fear of taking my job."
 

@ anon 11:10

deeeeeep
gotta think that one through but im kinda gigglin
cheers
 

This reminds me of when I met the "ex-sort-of-boyfriend" of a woman I work with and am interested in. Although I was but a novice bag-hunter at the time, and he had no outward signs of his douchitude, something about him had my douche-dar blinging. At some point along the night, co-worker woman says she fell in love with him because of his dancing skills. After very little encouragement, he "busted out" his moves. I had seen nothing like it, before or since, until just now. I'm glad I am able to safely say that dance is indeed the dance of the douche.
 

I like the fact he came prepared to 1) take the court in the event the entire Tarheels bench fouls out; 2) shiver some timbers; and/or 3) rock the club with the sweet nectar of stripey shirt. Versatility.

Also, may I say I just reviewed the Mike D thread today. [slow clap] Well done to all.

Pfah -- your wife is out with two girlfriends and you are at the computer? Dude, unless the girlfriends look like sketchy owl woman below, get in on that or I will. (Wait. How do I tell him I have no inner monologue?)
 

D'arrr.. this monotonous techno crap is shiverin me timbers. Time to show ev'ryone that I can dance like I got 'de peg leg.

D'arrr, I'm showin' off me best spastic moves. Where did 'de hott go? Why did she leave?

Oh well... I guess it's back to stickin' me dick in 'de barrel tonight. Or I could use me camo'ed peg boy over here... D'arrr...
 

The best part of blue pirate is that damn stripey shirt. His whole outfit is straight from the douche and roebuck catalog, but the shirt?

He seriously looked in the mirror, mandana on, wifebeater, tarhheels shorts and said "hmmm still something missing, I KNOW! striped shirt from my 8th grade year book photo"

And it looks vauguely like girly went to the same school of dance as my boy blue. It must be a jersey form of the electic slide. Oh wait the electric slide is from jersey. nm
 

@bcs

Goddamn...
 

Reminded me of an SNL sketch.
 

I think there guy but not douche.
 

gay not guy, Gay...

I'm so stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid!
 

I am sorry, but I think the girl douches are almost worse than the guy douches. I mean, who dances like that?
 

Blue Pirate dances like Gilligan trying to shirk off fireants...jeez...

@ Pfah: Damn you for opening such an awesome door so late on "Hattica Hattica" below...I added my 2 cents but DLDS (Day Late Dollar Short)...

@ bcs: I wish I had revelatory dreams that revealed the undercurrents of my inner psyche like you do. Hell, the last dream I can remember was walking through the abandoned house I grew up in, with sheets instead of doors blowing lazily open, and through one door Darth Vader stepped through flanked by Stormtroopers, and started playing a banjo; I cracked a joke about it and he smashed the instrument and mauled me horribly in his anger and shame.

Oh, wait, that IS my inner psyche. Does your brain ever feel like its filled with novacaine worms?
 

jesus christ i was fucked up last night
 

was fucked up?

Weed and whiskey....ahhhh, good times....
 

seriously, where does this shit take place? instinct says europe somewhere, but i'm getting the sinking feeling that its actually in the US...

what's it called when a gay-colored mandana covers his whole head?
 

nice halloween costume douchebag
 

That didn't really happen.

I refuse to believe it.

-Sir Douche-a-Lot the Third
 

scrotebob...I hate to say this, but this is happening in my neck of the woods. This is a little slice of hell known as "neptunes" in the hampton bays, out on the eastern end of Long Island. I know this because I have been there before. God that kills me to write that. It is guido ground zero.
 

@don p:
i'm sorry about that, but with a name like don parmesan guido linguini, i bet you could easily go undercover into the guido world and 'bag hunt.
 

I'm going through DTs DB1. Where's my fix? C'mon, it's 7:45 on the west coast. Time for some fruit loops in TBird, a dougnut, and some MD20/20, then a new hott like the Jeff 'Bagwell hott.
 

I think DB1 was out with Purg Hottie last night and hasn't made it home yet. God bless you, DB1, god bless you.
 

@scrotebob
My ability to stand erect, communicate intelligently, and Iron Maiden t-shirts make it hard to blend in.
 

TELL ME WHY I HAD TO BE A POWERSLAVE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I'M A GOD WHY CAN'T I LIVE ON?

Dickinson channeling RANDY.
 

fuckin guidos.
 

This clip would make so much more sense if it were overlaid with a soundtrack of howling chimps...
 

Sorry, all I can muster up is:

SWEET FUCKING JESUS.
 

hahaha... dont lie. this looks like it was fun.
 

I really liked the first guy's bitch-tits! Is this the Hampton's or something? I thought it was supposed to be real classy up there? The kind of place I can take my next wife. Don't they have any bars with Wild Cherry cover bands? Come on, play that funky music white boy!
 

I've seen baboons on mescaline dance with better technique.


While watching this clip I was certain the Hatfields and McCoys would jump out and break into one of their infamous square-dances.

Or not.
 

ahhh the answer to one of life's great questions. what's a homie pirate, uncle bob? THAT, children, is a homie pirate.
 

Blue pirate thinks hes going to score tonight with his moves. Woops hes the only one on the dance floor. Go tarheels.
 

Some people deserve to be shot.
 

I beleive we are looking at some heterosexual mating ritual. I can't be sure.