Monday, December 31, 2007
Soc says, Happy New Years!
One of the first breakout doucherstars here at HCwDB, Socrates -- legendary thinker/philosopher of all that is 'bag, wanted to drop by and wish you all an oil free and hottie filled New Years.
Soc doesn't look up to his usual scrotey standards anymore. Either that, or our 'bag hunting skills have gotten so much stronger since he first made an appearance on this site. To paraphrase The Dude, how can we go back to the family farm after seeing the Gator?
Then again, Soc's hair is prepped into a linear X-Y-Z graph, ready for charting economic growth and international trade patterns in 2008.
Your humble ferryman on our collective journey through societal rot, The DB1 is planning a lovely evening of Manhattan debauchery for the New Years.
I will charm Downtown Soho Hotts with tales of adventures on the far seas battling gel pirates while saving the Vivian Girls in the Realms of the Unreal.
I will dazzle them with Ricky Jay inspired card tricks that I learned from a drunken merchant during my travels on a spice ship off the Madagascar flats.
Then drool on their ample cleavage while passing out at 2am and crying out for my lost stuffed panda, "Pandy," that I left behind at a Toys R' Us back in 1983.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 1:47 PM 
Comments:
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Be careful people, this is a very serious individual we're dealing with here, look at the stern face.
Or he's got to take a shart.
Here's a little song to start your New Year off right:
Three blonde bleeths
Three blonde bleeths
See how they glow
See how they glow
They all have a fake tan
except for the one on the right
And without their make up
they must be a dreadfull fright
Three blonde bleeths
Three blonde bleeths
Or he's got to take a shart.
Here's a little song to start your New Year off right:
Three blonde bleeths
Three blonde bleeths
See how they glow
See how they glow
They all have a fake tan
except for the one on the right
And without their make up
they must be a dreadfull fright
Three blonde bleeths
Three blonde bleeths
happy new years to all the regulars. it will be nice when all this holiday business is over and we can get back to regularly bashing orange men and the women that love them...
Barbie called; she wants her twig-pattern implants back.
These ladies are BBB; Big, Blonde and Beastie. That's a compliment in the midwest.
These ladies are BBB; Big, Blonde and Beastie. That's a compliment in the midwest.
Chick on the left is an impossible mash-up of Kiera Knightly, Jewel and Debbie Harry.
Dude combs his hair with.......A HERRING! NI! NI!
Dude combs his hair with.......A HERRING! NI! NI!
# posted by 
: 8:10 AM
: 8:10 AM
Far right looks like a fatter but more attractive version of Tori Spelling with her far-apart mongoloid eyes.
White dress looks sadly like she's channeling Paris Hilton. I wouldn't stand too close, Soc.
I've carved pumpkins smaller than Lefty's head....and less orange too.
At first glance Soc doesn't look so douchey but then you notice the Jesus bling, ring on index finger, and 'bag glare and you realize.....huge douchebag! Understated, but douchebag nonetheless.
White dress looks sadly like she's channeling Paris Hilton. I wouldn't stand too close, Soc.
I've carved pumpkins smaller than Lefty's head....and less orange too.
At first glance Soc doesn't look so douchey but then you notice the Jesus bling, ring on index finger, and 'bag glare and you realize.....huge douchebag! Understated, but douchebag nonetheless.
We like 'em "beefy" here in the Midwest.
Oh, and we like 'em with fake tans since the sun never shines in the winter.
Hey, at least our ladies have real teeth, unlike the South (Mississippi).
Happy Merry New Year darksock.
Oh, and we like 'em with fake tans since the sun never shines in the winter.
Hey, at least our ladies have real teeth, unlike the South (Mississippi).
Happy Merry New Year darksock.
Let the festivities begin! Hope you all have plans that don't involve tasting kitty's balloon knot. Well, at least doing so before 3 bottles of 'Train, anyway.
DB1, good luck here on the island in your quest to educate the world about the perils of douchebaggery. You're Obi-Wan Douchenobi.
TARMAL!
DB1, good luck here on the island in your quest to educate the world about the perils of douchebaggery. You're Obi-Wan Douchenobi.
TARMAL!
# posted by : 8:40 AM
: 8:40 AM
@ bcs
I'm off today, tomorrow and I took Wednesday off as a 'secondary recovery day.'
Life is good my friend. Sometimes.
How 'bout them Colts, huh? F'ing losers.
I'm off today, tomorrow and I took Wednesday off as a 'secondary recovery day.'
Life is good my friend. Sometimes.
How 'bout them Colts, huh? F'ing losers.
dude, makes ya think back to all those games we lost because of bullshit. arizona. oakland. we really should have the best record in our division.
coulda shoulda woulda i should say. cleveland motto.
anyway, enough about football. thats for another blog. happy new year to you mr. plink, and to flyteeth, in the hopes that the new year will bring more fuckren whoars and no tarmal.
coulda shoulda woulda i should say. cleveland motto.
anyway, enough about football. thats for another blog. happy new year to you mr. plink, and to flyteeth, in the hopes that the new year will bring more fuckren whoars and no tarmal.
No more tarmal?! Damn, there goes one of the resolutions of my list!
The other is to convince squatch to have sex with a semi-retarded wildebeest.
The other is to convince squatch to have sex with a semi-retarded wildebeest.
Is it just me, or is there a preponderance of Douche & Garbage wear amongst the 'bags on this site?
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
Well at least he sticks with what works...chicks with unatural looking blonde mops.
# posted by : 9:35 AM
: 9:35 AM
Horrific photographic record of Midwestern Bag/Bleeth-itude.
All three bleeths have that hearty peasant stock, grain-fed Midwestern chick quality. The drag queens near my office in the Village look far more feminine than the two outside "receivers" who would blend in nicely at any female impersonator review.
Scrotrates displays his Midwestern pride by styling the remnants of his hair with a John Deer Combine to perfect those stylish scalp rows in hopes of sunlight reaching his whithered follicles.
Chippie directly to the left of Scrote is quite cute and not even vaguely mannish. I think Scrote isn't trying to look "hard" but looking hard for a couple of drunken buddies to fall on the two huge hand-grenades right and far left.
What give away the tranny within, corn fed heifer with zero tit -it's impossible to be that fat and that flat - to Scrote's right and flounder eyed dude on far left.
Tomorrow morning brings huge bar tab for Scrote and the homicidal rage of his wingmen after they awaken with skull splitting hangover to the horror of having spent the night with trannies better endowed than they.
I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks about Flounder Eyes. Yeesh.
All three bleeths have that hearty peasant stock, grain-fed Midwestern chick quality. The drag queens near my office in the Village look far more feminine than the two outside "receivers" who would blend in nicely at any female impersonator review.
Scrotrates displays his Midwestern pride by styling the remnants of his hair with a John Deer Combine to perfect those stylish scalp rows in hopes of sunlight reaching his whithered follicles.
Chippie directly to the left of Scrote is quite cute and not even vaguely mannish. I think Scrote isn't trying to look "hard" but looking hard for a couple of drunken buddies to fall on the two huge hand-grenades right and far left.
What give away the tranny within, corn fed heifer with zero tit -it's impossible to be that fat and that flat - to Scrote's right and flounder eyed dude on far left.
Tomorrow morning brings huge bar tab for Scrote and the homicidal rage of his wingmen after they awaken with skull splitting hangover to the horror of having spent the night with trannies better endowed than they.
I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks about Flounder Eyes. Yeesh.
# posted by : 10:06 AM
: 10:06 AM
@Plinky,
No wildebeast available, dammit. Although we do have javelina here. A semi-retarded javelina? I'd hit it.
"C'mon baby, shake those musk glands! Yee-haw!"
Speaking of musk glands... Soc looks like he's been snaked through one of the club's men's room toilets and the bartenders did a half-assed job of mopping him up with a bar rag.
No wildebeast available, dammit. Although we do have javelina here. A semi-retarded javelina? I'd hit it.
"C'mon baby, shake those musk glands! Yee-haw!"
Speaking of musk glands... Soc looks like he's been snaked through one of the club's men's room toilets and the bartenders did a half-assed job of mopping him up with a bar rag.
@ squatch
I don't blame you. I just took a glance at some javelinas and they're kinda cute. It looks like you can really get a good grip on one of those suckers.
But I'm sure you already know this.
I have to tell you people these are NOT Midwestern girls. Livestock like this in the Midwest don't dress as feminine. More like lumberjacks at the local beer 'n shot joint.
And puh-leeeeease, don't tell me if you were wasted on 10 rum and cokes and it was the end of the night none of you wouldn't throw down a rap to these ladies.
I'm peering into my crystal ball and I know some of you have done much worse!
(I'm talking to you, Ed)
I don't blame you. I just took a glance at some javelinas and they're kinda cute. It looks like you can really get a good grip on one of those suckers.
But I'm sure you already know this.
I have to tell you people these are NOT Midwestern girls. Livestock like this in the Midwest don't dress as feminine. More like lumberjacks at the local beer 'n shot joint.
And puh-leeeeease, don't tell me if you were wasted on 10 rum and cokes and it was the end of the night none of you wouldn't throw down a rap to these ladies.
I'm peering into my crystal ball and I know some of you have done much worse!
(I'm talking to you, Ed)
@ bcs After carefully reviewing the collected gospels of the prophet Flyteeth I must inform you that your spectacular Flyteeth '08 campaign flyer has a spelling mistake. His Grace, Flyteeth, uses the term "NO FUCEN TARMAL" as opposed to your "No fuckin tarmal". I fear some nugget of hidden sagacity may be lost in translation between the two spellings.
# posted by : 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
I fear flyteeth has met an untimely end at the hands of Gozer. He now roasts in the depths of the slor.
No tarmal indeed.
No tarmal indeed.
# posted by : 10:27 AM
: 10:27 AM
too much blond in this picture. nice to see Socrates is still out and about. i wonder how he'll be ringing in the New Year?
waitaminute......did someone say no more TARMAL?
waitaminute......did someone say no more TARMAL?
@ anon 10:27
Fear not. The McKittrick Supplicants rescued Lord Flyteeth from the Slor just be the Valdrani could be rectified thereby preventing his consumption in flames.
Fear not. The McKittrick Supplicants rescued Lord Flyteeth from the Slor just be the Valdrani could be rectified thereby preventing his consumption in flames.
# posted by : 10:36 AM
: 10:36 AM
ok, hang on a sec. my head is still recovering from a beer-laden Football Sunday (GO SEAHAWKS!).....
i thought the McKittrick Supplicants were erased in the Great Battle of Ballsack. but i guess i am wrong. the Slor are a bunch of pussies anyway. a girl scout troop could defeat them with their hymens tied behnd their backs.
but whatever. just as long as Flyteeth is ok. that's all that really matters.
when did he become a Lord anyway? fuckin-a, i leave for a 8 days and everything changes.
i thought the McKittrick Supplicants were erased in the Great Battle of Ballsack. but i guess i am wrong. the Slor are a bunch of pussies anyway. a girl scout troop could defeat them with their hymens tied behnd their backs.
but whatever. just as long as Flyteeth is ok. that's all that really matters.
when did he become a Lord anyway? fuckin-a, i leave for a 8 days and everything changes.
@pfah As Flyteeth IS from another planet and possess wisdom we earthlings can only begin to comprehend, he was elevated in the Douche-Mystical pantheon to Lord. Plus, his star cruiser would blast the ever loving shit out us if we didn't show the proper deference. I wonder what happened to his female, what was her name? Perhaps she still stuck on line at customs in a nearby spaceport. Holiday travel sucks.
# posted by : 11:05 AM
: 11:05 AM
oh. thanks Scroter. that makes sense then. much obliged.
if i remember correctly, i think his girl's name was Queefia. does that name ring any balls?
if i remember correctly, i think his girl's name was Queefia. does that name ring any balls?
I think it was Xim. Or maybe that was his sister... This is confusing.
All I know is, when I see the post that says, "Flyteeth, I'm your father!", I'm getting the fuck outta here... Cuz you know there's a bunch of friggin' Ewok douchebags hittin' the floor right after that. Flashin' their Ewok bling, doggie-bagging each other. I just don't wanna see that. Again.
All I know is, when I see the post that says, "Flyteeth, I'm your father!", I'm getting the fuck outta here... Cuz you know there's a bunch of friggin' Ewok douchebags hittin' the floor right after that. Flashin' their Ewok bling, doggie-bagging each other. I just don't wanna see that. Again.
See you around Soho, DB1. Stick to the loft parties, unless you're collecting inventory, in which case you'd fare better at the clubs,... in which case, may the force be with you. Rather, I hope you treat your foray to our fine neighborhood as a vacation, and avoid the netherworld's residue of Euro-douchitude that lines the gutters here and perpetually threatens to drown us, convert our Hott to the darkside and take our apartments as the dollar falls. 2008 will be much better for you if you resist the pull.
# posted by : 11:28 AM
: 11:28 AM
Soc's retreat from severe bagdom has a direct relation to the quality of hott he entertains. While I would happily volley about the flesh pillows of these cornsilk hefers with my finest paddletennis paddles (all 3 w/2 handed mastery), they merely reflect Minnesotas mainline dairy queens. White hott on left looks like she's trying to smuggle a kilo of cottage cheese in the back of her cranial cavity. Look for Soc to return to his Euro-douche roots in a desperate gasp to upgrade his hott quotient.
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
I FUCEN SHITNE ON A FUCEN K;ID!!@
THAT FAOGOHT! I FUCEN STU';F' HIS FAOGH WITH FUCEN SWAPMEENA;A SHIT AND FUCER I KICK ASS MAN
I FUCEN WILL SHOA'AVE A FUCEN BAUULLHOAARN DOWN ATHA T
F
SCOROETE!@:"
THAT FUC!
I WILL BEAT A NIAGHAER;SE ASSHOL
32'
WOITH FUCEN@
FLYTEEH
THAT FAOGOHT! I FUCEN STU';F' HIS FAOGH WITH FUCEN SWAPMEENA;A SHIT AND FUCER I KICK ASS MAN
I FUCEN WILL SHOA'AVE A FUCEN BAUULLHOAARN DOWN ATHA T
F
SCOROETE!@:"
THAT FUC!
I WILL BEAT A NIAGHAER;SE ASSHOL
32'
WOITH FUCEN@
FLYTEEH
# posted by : 11:43 AM
: 11:43 AM
@Squatch
I'm with ya, brother. Those hairy little Mr. T wanna-be fuckers running under foot tripping me in the subways drove me bat shit nuts last time.
The only possible solution if they return would be to send them all to visit the Slap in "Da CHI" for some manscaping and a new color - solid orange.
At least then they would be quite so visually offensive. And, it's not like they get anymore 'bagged out hangin' with the slap. Plus, having them all in one place, we'd be able to exterminate those little fuckers with extreme prejudice.
I'm with ya, brother. Those hairy little Mr. T wanna-be fuckers running under foot tripping me in the subways drove me bat shit nuts last time.
The only possible solution if they return would be to send them all to visit the Slap in "Da CHI" for some manscaping and a new color - solid orange.
At least then they would be quite so visually offensive. And, it's not like they get anymore 'bagged out hangin' with the slap. Plus, having them all in one place, we'd be able to exterminate those little fuckers with extreme prejudice.
# posted by : 11:47 AM
: 11:47 AM
@Flyteeth....hello there. could you please tell us the name of your girlfriend? not that any of us want to 'get all up in that shit', it's just that we seem to have forgotten her name. a thousand pardons your Excellency. Sir.
thank you in advance Flyteeth.
thank you in advance Flyteeth.
I'll bet when this guy poops it comes out in the shape of a dildo or something
# posted by : 11:57 AM
: 11:57 AM
Even off-worlders are racist: "I WILL BEAT A NIAGHAER;SE ASSHOL"
Or is that a sexual fantasy?
Happy New Year to everyone, I'm leaving the ghost town formerly known as work to grab a bottle of Maker's and settle into an R6V melee.
Watch out for the FAOGH's
Or is that a sexual fantasy?
Happy New Year to everyone, I'm leaving the ghost town formerly known as work to grab a bottle of Maker's and settle into an R6V melee.
Watch out for the FAOGH's
# posted by : 12:06 PM
: 12:06 PM
After investing some time in a darkened room I've made a few moves on the sock market I'd like to share with everyone.
I sold all my shares of BYO.AX a terrible underperformer, some might say they stunk.
I invested heavily in INSEX for obvious reasons.
I while I'm still actively trading I'm avoiding for obvious reasons GASEX, PNSEX and SRRY.
If you have any hott sock tips I'd love to hear them.
I sold all my shares of BYO.AX a terrible underperformer, some might say they stunk.
I invested heavily in INSEX for obvious reasons.
I while I'm still actively trading I'm avoiding for obvious reasons GASEX, PNSEX and SRRY.
If you have any hott sock tips I'd love to hear them.
BAG is a good short play. The managers spend a lot of time primping their image and the operating expenses for tan-in-a-can, due to the weaker dollar, have gotten outrageous.
If you're interested in INSEX, I'd recommend checking out RUBR. It's a pretty good hedge against any potential takeover of HIV. It also protects against getting hit by DAD or POP potential.
I stay away from the Pink Sock (read up on that one), unless I am putting the sock and never calling.
If you're interested in INSEX, I'd recommend checking out RUBR. It's a pretty good hedge against any potential takeover of HIV. It also protects against getting hit by DAD or POP potential.
I stay away from the Pink Sock (read up on that one), unless I am putting the sock and never calling.
# posted by : 12:38 PM
: 12:38 PM
Lord Flyteeth:
Enjoy your killing spree here on Earth. Don't forget to use lye!
PS: Human skin can chafe, especially if you have sensitive skin so be sure to use moisturizer when wearing your New Years eve ball gown made of human epidermis.
To all you guys here I wish you all the best New Years. Thanks for making me laugh my dick off and lose countless hours of actual "work."
Time to break out the scotch and slap my "gouma" on the ass.
Enjoy your killing spree here on Earth. Don't forget to use lye!
PS: Human skin can chafe, especially if you have sensitive skin so be sure to use moisturizer when wearing your New Years eve ball gown made of human epidermis.
To all you guys here I wish you all the best New Years. Thanks for making me laugh my dick off and lose countless hours of actual "work."
Time to break out the scotch and slap my "gouma" on the ass.
i'm not a huge stock market player/investor, but i did go all in for one blue chip stock that i'd highly recommend. the returns are endless.
CNLINGUS
that's my advice.
CNLINGUS
that's my advice.
I hear the dividends are great and can, many times lead to receiving shares in getting some BLJB and, if CNLINGUS performs really well, she might even let you invest in ANL.
Of course, if you're into it, you might be able to exercise your options in HTLNCH or GLDSHR.
Watch out though, if CNLINGUS doesn't perform well, or management has been poor in upkeep, you could end up only coming up with GAG, FSH, and VMIT.
Fuck, why can't it be 5 already so I can get the hell out of work?
Of course, if you're into it, you might be able to exercise your options in HTLNCH or GLDSHR.
Watch out though, if CNLINGUS doesn't perform well, or management has been poor in upkeep, you could end up only coming up with GAG, FSH, and VMIT.
Fuck, why can't it be 5 already so I can get the hell out of work?
# posted by : 1:07 PM
: 1:07 PM
Fuck this day is slow as shit! Am I drunk yet?
In honor of whatever I've composed another bit of holiday prose for you people, enjoy.
You're like dogshit stuck to my shoe
Why can't I get rid of motherfucking you?
Go to hell you skanky ass bitch!
Hope the guy you're with gives you his jock itch.
I hope you fuck till the herp sores pop
and keep on fucking till your uterus drops.
Fuck you, you damn bitch I hope you soon die
with love from the asshole, you know your last guy.
Like Byron ain't it?
In honor of whatever I've composed another bit of holiday prose for you people, enjoy.
You're like dogshit stuck to my shoe
Why can't I get rid of motherfucking you?
Go to hell you skanky ass bitch!
Hope the guy you're with gives you his jock itch.
I hope you fuck till the herp sores pop
and keep on fucking till your uterus drops.
Fuck you, you damn bitch I hope you soon die
with love from the asshole, you know your last guy.
Like Byron ain't it?
Chew on this: all poop tends, by nature, to be dildo-shaped unless thwarted by loose consistency. Therefore, men exhibiting the excretion of firm stool are all technically gay, albeit in a one-way extrusionary mechanism. The gentleman in this photo supports this theorum.
How are you going to explain this all to the kids? Because they're going to ask, one day.
How are you going to explain this all to the kids? Because they're going to ask, one day.
# posted by : 2:45 PM
: 2:45 PM
just over Soc's left shoulder someone is about to bash his skull w/a stone! way d' go baghunter!
# posted by : 4:57 PM
: 4:57 PM
4 sorority snatches from Bleecha Bleetha Labia get together to compare notes on favorite BJ technique
# posted by : 5:03 PM
: 5:03 PM
Scroter the Unstoppable Douche Machine is, indeed, unstoppable! Orange, manscaped Ewoks, eh? I now understand the concept of 'FUCEN TARMAL!' It's the orange hair goo you have to scrape from the bottoms of your shoes...
CNLINGUS is a good, mainstay of a buy. Like Microsoft. Lots of brand loyalty for investors. Just don't sell short or you'll find DLDO and VBRTR will be taking up more and more of your portfolio. And that makes BLJB a 'sell'.
CNLINGUS is a good, mainstay of a buy. Like Microsoft. Lots of brand loyalty for investors. Just don't sell short or you'll find DLDO and VBRTR will be taking up more and more of your portfolio. And that makes BLJB a 'sell'.
The Flomax halftime report is on now for the Chik-fil-a whatever Bowl.
Yep. Nothing says college football like maintaining a strong urine stream...
Yep. Nothing says college football like maintaining a strong urine stream...
Squatch, you have that backwards, nothing says maintaining a strong urine stream, like college football.
As for the great doucheosopher, Socrates, he doesn't look 'bagtastic in this pic. However, if you doubt his status as an epic douche laureate check out the original Socrates photo. While some that have come since Soc have surpassed him, he is still classic douche.
As for the great doucheosopher, Socrates, he doesn't look 'bagtastic in this pic. However, if you doubt his status as an epic douche laureate check out the original Socrates photo. While some that have come since Soc have surpassed him, he is still classic douche.
# posted by : 7:25 PM
: 7:25 PM
@b.a. douche,
Of course, nothing says maintaining a strong, burning and itching urine stream like HCwDB. That's a given...
Of course, nothing says maintaining a strong, burning and itching urine stream like HCwDB. That's a given...
Squatch, you will know when you have passed beyond the portal of youth. Rather than blasting a urinal with an inch thick gout of high psi urine and spattering yourself with "feedback", you'll find yourself shutting the toilet door and secretly sitting down to pee in a stream powered by the faint pull of gravity, the sad little drops not even touching one another.
er, that's what my older buddy told me. MY problem with using a urinal is the water in the basin is too cold. All the way out to the street. yeah. bitches.
er, that's what my older buddy told me. MY problem with using a urinal is the water in the basin is too cold. All the way out to the street. yeah. bitches.
Man, coming in and working on New Years Morning is bullshit. Its gonna be me and Socrates and this damn musuem I can't seem to get out, just hanging out all morning. Because I know DB1's sorry ass is in a slobbery coma right now as are all the rest of you bastards. And don't think I'm not at work with a hangover, either. I decided to try Hendricks gin last night. excellent bouquet (real botanicals, orange peel, and cucumber (?)), terrible hangover.
I am the last of the full grown men.
Now I will go take a full grown poop, equal to the mass of Ecuador.
I am the last of the full grown men.
Now I will go take a full grown poop, equal to the mass of Ecuador.
bears use rabbits, right? doggies use their tongues. I find it softer than Charmin
# posted by : 9:58 AM
: 9:58 AM
Heck. I'm a female bag-hunter from the midwest, and not all of us look like that, not to say that we don't have a few roaming livestock around.
It seems that Socrates has finally found his niche, bagging thicker girls by mesmerizing them with his greasy forehead and hair that reminds me of rows of corn. But hey, beggers can't be choosers, and Socrates is definitely begging...
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
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It seems that Socrates has finally found his niche, bagging thicker girls by mesmerizing them with his greasy forehead and hair that reminds me of rows of corn. But hey, beggers can't be choosers, and Socrates is definitely begging...
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
# posted by : 10:43 AM
: 10:43 AM << Home
