THIS is why we should wall up the border. Sabado Noche Ducha, your work visa is up. Now finish my roof and get the fuck out.

Also, nice "Sloth from Goonies" ear. Univision called. You're a fucktard beaner.

Blondie... you're just not doing it for me. You're sporting a creepy Michael Jackson nose crossed with "Jose troweling on your foundation" action.

But I've seen worse. I'd go balls deep in it.
 

No, Private School Hott, it's not self-parody. DB1's remarks are unapologetic scorn and ridicule of both 'Bag and Bleeth...we lecherously desire the Hott. And while there may be a little bit of the douche in all of us, we are happy to be throwing ice....whatever that means.

By the way Private School Hott, what are you wearing?
 

If that's her in the picture, I might be willing to eat my own fingertips if she asked me. I think she wants to know if you're a parody of the douche or a douche in self-loathing with whom she might co-bagginate.

Her eyes call to me. I want to swim in them after I pull that scrote's tounge out of his mouth and glue to the bottom of his douchey designer cap.
 

PSH:

If you would be so good as to answer a few questions for me, it will help in clarifying a few things:

1. Do you use orange tanning cream?
2. Do you like men with tribal tattoos or yankee hats?
3. Do you drive a car with 28 inch rims?
4. Do you have a $500/month makeup habit?
5. Have you ever been to Rehab?

A "yes" answer to any of the questions is unsatisfactory.
And by "self-parody" are you implying that DB1 is, in fact, himself a hair-dresser? Because I cannot make heads nor tails of your question.
 

Yaaaayaa! Dis iz whut 's'allll about, 'cuz. Represent the 810 in da hizzy! Whattup Beeeeaaaaatch!

DB1, you tease us all week with the limericks, haiku, space campers, and architectural reviews and then POW! You finish strong with a dude competing for:
Hat tilt of the year,
tongue slap of the year
stupides shirt of the year
yummiest hott of the year
and cool tilted composition self-portrait of the year

I don't know where to look: his hideous lack of self-awareness or her pretty pretty teeth.

I too have been to Hooters and had my photo taken with a hostess. I just wasnt so drunk.
 

@ DB1 - I think what Private School Hott is asking is you and by association, we your loyal fans, is whether stereotyping all hotts as having careers in the beautification industry is thereby stereotyping all beautification industry personnel as hotts?

An interesting quandary to say the least. The seminal 'bag, and HOS'er, Fish Slap is employed in the beautification industry but very few of the legions of posters would classify him as hott.

BTW, don't sing any songs of Algerian revolution around Foreign Legionnaires. Their flashbacks are worse than rampaging, epileptic wolverines having meth withdrawals.
 

I must know who the girl in this picture is.

She is my new obsession.

Use your powers of devine doucheness, and hunt down more pics.
I can live with whatever scrote is in the pic if it means I get to look at this chick some more.
 

Good list, Danny. I will print it out and keep it handy when I'm out hott spotting.
 

DB1, I think Private School Hott's letter--held together by the very weakest tendrils of logic--basically boils down to the following:

"DB1, I'm a naughty Catholic school girl, and I want your stick. If you're not available, I will gladly accept Mr. White."
 

i want to shoot an explosive tipped arrow into this turd nugget's gaping maw. With any luck, the resulting explosion will take out the useless set of tits and flip top hairstyle that I abhor to this scrotes right.

I cant even look at this picture anymore, his tongue inspires rage.
 

this douchebag is bordering on an Old 'Bag. he looks like he'd be the most irritating guy at the bar. loud, bragging, and generally obnoxious. someone you and your friends would want to punch square in the face and then laugh about it.

she looks like she'd be somewhat high-maintenance, but damn. it'd be worth it for a while. and by 'while', i mean 'week'.

she's got a face that you don't come across that often.

if.....you....knowwhati'msayin'.
 

DB1 - not that you're penis is something that I think of on any sort of normal basis, but I have been missing the dialogue between you and Spike, as well as his infinite wisdom.

Are you keeping him in a media blackout because of the book?
 

wait so is it u in the pic db1?? we must know!!!! i demand an answer!!!!!!! douche
 

shes trying to act smart and funny and she really just wants your nuts
 

cmon now, let's not make fun of little billy. i think it's awfully sweet of his mom to take this photo she shot of his first day on the short bus, fifth grade, and photoshop it to some lady she found on the internets...
someday, mom, little billy will find love...
or herpes...

as to the letter...
she obviously blew her way to passing grades in school.
either that or she skipped out ALOT, because that is some serious nonsense, that is...
 

It's funny. That's the same face his mother made in the bukkake video prefaced his creation.

Too bad it was clown porn. He looks just like his father(s).
 

Dipshit the clown.

(Dammit. I hate not being able to edit posts. I get punchy with the buttons before my full comedic genius can be realized. Premature comediation. I hear most men have that problem...)
 

I'm taking my pants off!!!!!!!
 

@the big douchebagski....it's happened to me a few times. but i've found a cure and i'll share it with you because you are a good man. ready? here it is:

before you feel like you're going to hit the return key, think of Rosie O'Donnell in a vat of warm pudding.



you're welcome.
 

@ PFAH:

I vomited.
 

sorry Huey. it's an image that should only be used in times of mental critical mass. or masturbation if you're in to bull dyke "comedians". but i seriously doubt you are. again, my apologies. have a boneriffic weekend my friend.
 

ok the bag is neo/flav/buggin out from do the right thing...the pic hott is southern state hooters greeter...
now on to greener pastures the private school hott although i doubt it...i would like to tell you my experience with private schools was limited to 80s teen comedies set in such because rich people acting foolish was easy for the studios to sell as being not too on the nose...at leasst it gave us more phoebee cates and thats always a good thing...sadly i have some private schooling in my history and i can say there were and i emphasize were some hotts there...sadly the outsized features from the parent with money often took full hold and overwhelmed the hott from the parent playing semi-pro with a multiyear deal...thats why many former private school hotts now look like an odd mixture of ugly and thinks she's still hott mixed with the money to accentuate the dichotomy....thus my guess is this former hott is actually kinda horsey but with great boobs and lips and probably bedroom eyes...
add to the mixture the lingering effects of a precocious drug problem on her psyche and aesthetic schism of mismatched genes...what we have here is a woman who realizes she is prematurely past her prime and is bitter because her parents inevitable divorce left her on the wrong side leaving her to contemplate a career in cosmetology
 

No Hott, I don't think DB1 is self-mocking. In fact, I believe this to be a much-needed service to our modern way of life. Simply put, DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS. 99.999% of the time, the obnoxiousness and imbicilic fashion sense fall hand in hand with these biological cesspools, and are, in fact, indicative of each other. (Blonde translation: looking like a douche makes you act like one. We merely mock, because, well, we can't help it. Many of us no doubt were NOT the cool kids in school, the Quarterback Jock, The Priviledged Ones. Instead, we looked on from the side and repeatedly asked: How the FUCK can that Oh-So-Promising-Girl actually WANT to be seen with THAT guy?!?! We often discussed it amongst our 3 friends, and, as we got older and the internet was spawned from Al Gore's Jurassic intellect, someone in the right place and time to draw our finely-honed wit together...Hence, HCWDBDC. Hence, the pics. And finally, Hence our collective mocking.
 

@rubber douchey......*thunderous applause*
 

@ rubber douchey - I hoist my flagon of MD 20/20 to your oratory greatness, sir.
 

@ rubber douchey

Here here! I've never been more proud to be an American.

Where's Lee fuckin' Greenwood?
 

Private school hott had better be off the charts hott because the chick is barely verbal and there isn't a guy in the world who could hang for more than a single hump if he had to listen to that unintelligible spew for more than 2 dates. So is it that you are so hott that you don't need to be understood or is it because the roofie was kicking in right as you started to compose this love letter? If it's the latter call me baby I've got fifth of goose and a new bottle of axe and I'm good to go.

@pfah

I often picture Rosie in a vat of my warm pudding softly caressing the flabby breasts of Roseanne Barr to launch me it to nirvana.
 

I second the hatred of the flip top hairstyle. Does ANYONE on here actually like that? Be honest now. After all, I admitted liking the tranny look a few posts back.

As to DB1, what are you all, on crack? Of COURSE he's self mocking. As well he should be...as well we ALL should be. Laugh first at yourself, and THEN the rest of the retards of the world. It just seems to work out better that way, long term.

@PSH-
If no one else will give you credit for it, I will. LOVED the "shouldn't throw ice er whatever" line.
 

In all seriousness, I think what the supposed private school grad is trying to say is that it's "douchey" to assume that all hotts are hairdressers, so by making fun of douches while simultaneously saying douchey things is self-parody according to PSH. Notice how she's not offended by DB1 making fun of the douches...only the so-called "hotts". Methinks it was a rather expensive private cosmetology school she went to. Note to girls like PSH: just because you can type words longer than four letters doesn't mean you actually know what you're talking about.

<3, a future graduate of an expensive private school
 

I kind of understand what this question is asking.

I'm from Jersey, and truth be told, you don't meet many hots with a viable future.

This is a typical NJ/NYC convo with one of these hotts:

Manofexception: So what is it that you do with your time? What hobbies do you have?

NJ Hott: Ummmm... I'm a hair dresser. I like to have fun. I love to tan. Text messaging is my life. Bitches hate on me.

Manofexception: That's fabulous. There's a couch over there. Let's go make out.

It always goes something like that.
 

@rubber douchey for the record, i was the fat drunk kid in high school. pfah was the nerd, darksock was the brainiac, and mr. white was the weird kid everyone thought was going to shoot up the school. flyteeth was the kid who actually did.

as far as douchebags sticking their tongues out go, this dude ranks pretty low on the offensive scale. as far as nordic blonde beauties go, this chick is ranked high. and by high, i mean i really want to see more of her boobies.
 

FUCKIN WHOARS! ID LIKE TOFUCJKEN THAT BEETCH IN THA MOUTHURRE FOR THRGE DAYGSS NONSOTP!!!

goddamn it's really hard to type like flyteeth i wonder what his method is? i miss that fucking bastard that was two weeks of genius. goddamn parole system.
 

Vader,

The flip in the hair is so it won't tickle your twig and berries when she's curling your toes.
 

@Douchetorious-
Bullsheit. That's what hair ties, or if you are especially lucky, pigtails are for.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

@ rookie,
We're not assuming all Hotts are hairdressers, what we are banging ON em about is the fact that they are vapid and vacant enough to think the "stepped up" in some way to snare a man like this. It is very high parody, and very low-reaching.

@bcs
I was the new kid with my head buried in a book or ditching school to go skate Mission Beach. Been laffin at them thar dooshez since '85 :)
 

@Pfah - thank you kind sir. I added a little Lisa Lamponelli for an extra laugh and a body slam to the Rosie pudding mix and ending up making a nice batch of tapioca on my pants. Mom's washing them as we speak.

@ Rubber Douchey - that should be the Preamble to the HCwDB Bag Hunter Bill of Rights. Kudos.

@Vader - Fuck the hair flip. It is put in the same category as obnoxiously large sunglasses, capri pants, trucker hats, the new "jackboot" theme that has gained alarming prevalence, and those hats that look like the one my grandfather wears when he plays golf.

***PSA to all women - Men (straight men) don't really like the shit listed above. Stop it already.

...cue music and "The More You Know" star.

(thinks of Lisa, Rosie, and pudding...ruins crew sock...realizes he's finished; both in turgidity and with this post...)

(yeah, turgidity is a word. A really fuckin funny one.)
 

What??? Another pointer? No, asshole, you don't need to tell me where I can get head, thanks. I can figure it out by looking at the humongous 10 pounds of tongue hanging 6 feet out of your oral cavity.
 

Man, what happened to HCwDB?

There are now more douchebags in the comments section than in the pictures. Too many schmucks making comments about their inactive cocks and not enough creative comments on the pics.

Not to say that Lil' Vesta pictured isn't a scrote or anything.

But I'm just sayin'...
 

This is obviously Photo-shopped. No hottie of this magnitude would let that leper even kiss her foot. I cant comment any more on someones cruel hoax.
 

@big douchebagski-
Don't forget that "boob curtain" dress thing that sinches 5 inches above the waist. I hate those things.

@wholly ghost-
Feel free to step in with a creative comment any time there, champ. Way to lead by example, Dubya.
 

I am still hoping for an identity on this girl.
I must know who she is.....
 

@Vader - thank you sir. You are most correct.

:takes out pencil and writes "Preggo shirts."
 

Okay, where did I put my 3.5hp gas-powered hedge trimmer?
 

cool hat
 

cool hats and shirt
 

She's calling you a douche for insulting her intelligence just because she's hott.
 

God damn DB1, nice job on this comment. Thoroughly impressed. Bitches just don't understand, do they?

Deuche Baggilo
 

@ rubber douchie

Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the presence of real genius. It is an honor, nay, a privelege to post anonymously in the same message board as one with such profound powers of observation, reflection, and, ultimately, pithy commentating powers on all that which is douche.

Wherever douches, scrotes, and vapid and jejune hotts may be found, we can be sure that rubber douchie will be there fighting the good fight to properly mock these poor specimens of humanity.

I tip my hat and my glass to you, rubber douchie. Carry on.
 

wow, DB1, I genuflect before you as the tag was hilarious!


powder that ass!
 

@ comments

fuck me running

and i even made a buncha mistakes in that shit...
 

Hmmm... is this referencing the Algerian revolution a small nod towards coming closer to the Fanonite understanding of douchebaggery I've been recommending, or just DB1's usual erudite/hilariously crude banter? I humbly hope the former.
 

A 10 degree hat tilt and... wait what's this? A 10 degree tongue tilt in the exact opposite direction? Holy Jumping Frog Shit! What an accomplishment! A two-for-one deal! A Big Mac with a side of Biggie fries! A Double Douche!

Whoa, got a little carried away there.
 

The girl on the right's name is loren.
 

The girl is breath takingly hot. Not in the raw boner-making tradition but genuinely and uniquely beautiful. To see her just narrowly make it in to frame as she's pushed out by that red hatted, tongue wagging, fucking idiot gang sign waving mongoloid bro-magnon is such a travesty... I can't articulate my offense and outrage at this picture.

Without hyperbole, right now I feel profoundly sympathetic to the Islamic terrorist cause. I truly believe at this moment that 9/11 just killed the wrong Americans.

It reminds me of a time someone posted photoshops of Jesus from the Passion of the Christ holding a submarine sandwitch instead of the cross. That is to say, seeing this guy ruin this picture is as offensive to me as seeing the Almighty and redeemer of my sins blasphemed.