Sunday, February 17, 2008
The Crustacean: Hall of Scrote '08
Welcome the first inductee to the Hall of Scrote for 2008, The Crustacean. Although there is another strong candidate likely emerging in the next few weeks (I give you one Crimson guess).
While it wasn't a unanimous vote for the Crust, like it was for, say, The Prompas, it was a strong win, and by win I mean Puma armband. A win aided by the power of the Rainbow Boobie Hott.
As Mitch Meats puts it:
My metric for these is comparing the current nominee against the latest 10 or so inductees and whether or not he can out-douche enough of them, as it were.
We can see that with time, enshrinement in the Hallowed Hall has required increasing nausea as the virus has mutated into ever more ridiculous vectors of self-parody. How could a modern-day tepid scrote along the lines of Socrates ever hope to be counted among the greats like Donkey Douche? Sure, there are aberrations here or there, but overall the level of grease and chin fungus required has steadily climbed since the creation of the Hall.
I believe the bile contained in this one picture (thanks to Fruit Stripes pushing it over the edge) is greater than the entire oeuvre of the STDs and Peaches combined. The fact that Crusty is also in the same crowd as HBT, Bree, and Fish Slap in real life just seals the deal. I vote yea.
Well said, MM.
Danny Noonan, in rejecting Judge Smails' ditch digger soliloquy, agrees:
When we reduce this website to it's essence, this is what is left over. Ridiculous hotts and a vomit-inducing, epileptic-seizure inducing, sever-your-own achilles-due-to awe-inspiring-anger, douchebag. Crusty is a repeat offender and belongs with his peers, DD, Gator, FishSlap, Peaches, and the rest.
Crusy FTHoS.
Indeed he does, D.N. As Douche Vader puts it:
I consider myself a guardian/curmudgeon when it comes to the HoS. I hate to say it watered down, and think it should be reserved only for the scrotiest of scrote. Usually, I vote nay.
That said, hells yeah, Crusty should be in there. I mean, look at him. He's everything to be despised in a DB, but on steroids.
However, Minnescrota makes the opposite argument, saying The Crust doesn't quite rise to the level of legend:
This Douche is kind of like the Keith Hernandez of Scrote. He's full-on solid Douche, but doesn't have a signature move, i.e. reverse shocker with a counterclockwise swirl. I let my gut decide this one for me, I axed myself, would I Doucheambeau this Choad right in the nuts? Yes, I would. Would I drive to Daytona Beach to do it, NO I wouldn't.
I axed myself the same thing about Gator-bag, and I answered affirmatively both times. I'd even pay for Gator's first class ticket to Daytona so that I could meet him down there and in the ultimate irony kick him in the nuts with a my sweet Gator kicks.
That's how I know the Crustacean isn't ready for the Hall.
Well argued, Minn. But like many in the Hall, you don't have always have to be a first ballot to get in.
Sammy Hagar high-notes it down for us:
The Crustacean is not one to be forgotten. I don't want to see him spending eternity wandering in douchey purgatory. He defines douche. He emits douche. He is legend.
Let's put him in the Hall so hopefully young women of the future will be lucky enough to point at his abs.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 10:28 AM 
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We all live safer now that Crusty is quarantined in the HoS. His DefCon 5 threat was such that he was able to replicate miniature clones of himself at least once daily; small cylindrical tapered brown clones he would drop into his porcelain crucible with his puckered brown (orange?) ovipositor located 1 inch behind his shorn ballsac; he would extrude these small brown and tan Easter-Island replicas and then wisk them away to the open sea to frolic like grieco virus-encrusted brown trout, eventually returning to the general public in the form of Mrs. Paul's fish sticks.
He even tricked (paid) Fish Slap to insert his fishy man-prong into his ovipositor so that Slap's scaly schlong would then be coated with grieco virus much like Pfah's rooked weiner is now coated with Bea Arthur's hog-like pubic bristles. Fish Slap then spread the virus the hard way, as evinced by the now famous "300" photograph.
Why, in this very photo you can see the CDC's attempt to take him out by dropping an electrocution skull cap on him. The wily Crustacean merely grappled the hapless peanut-skulled douchess you see here and tit-slung her into harm's way as he escaped in a skittering backwards scurry towards the exit.
One down, thousands to go. We are fighting the good fight, taking it to the enema, from the fortified bunkers that are our mother's basements. Except Plinky, whose mother's basement is filled with her corpulent left ass cheek.
Huzzah, gentlemen; now back into the breech! You apes wanna live forever?!?
He even tricked (paid) Fish Slap to insert his fishy man-prong into his ovipositor so that Slap's scaly schlong would then be coated with grieco virus much like Pfah's rooked weiner is now coated with Bea Arthur's hog-like pubic bristles. Fish Slap then spread the virus the hard way, as evinced by the now famous "300" photograph.
Why, in this very photo you can see the CDC's attempt to take him out by dropping an electrocution skull cap on him. The wily Crustacean merely grappled the hapless peanut-skulled douchess you see here and tit-slung her into harm's way as he escaped in a skittering backwards scurry towards the exit.
One down, thousands to go. We are fighting the good fight, taking it to the enema, from the fortified bunkers that are our mother's basements. Except Plinky, whose mother's basement is filled with her corpulent left ass cheek.
Huzzah, gentlemen; now back into the breech! You apes wanna live forever?!?
Much like my Sears Craftsment hammer, this tool is now guaranteed for eternity.
# posted by 
: 10:56 AM
: 10:56 AM
The worst part, this dude is wearing a wedding ring. So somebody decided to not only take a picture with this dude, but also to marry him. I swear to god if that person is the skinny girl in the black shirt to his left, it's over, I'm done.
excellent work indeed...and very fitting that his induction picture be against faux exposed brick and his hand on the bust of a scrunch-faced clairol blonde while wearing the white clothes of hey look at me its a black light this club owner is genius...it truly should be the the templatwe the gold jacketor bronze bust accurate down to a hanging booger that other other hall of fames spend too much money on...
# posted by : 11:15 AM
: 11:15 AM
Jesus, Darksock. I'm now the Miles Davis of pants-pissing.
You noticed the peanut shaped melon too, huh? In my 'Train and crank haze this morning, I was actually typing a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome comment, but I doubted myself.
My doubts have brought much shame upon my house. Fortunately, it's supported by Plinky's momma's discarded toothpicks; we know how strong oak is.
You noticed the peanut shaped melon too, huh? In my 'Train and crank haze this morning, I was actually typing a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome comment, but I doubted myself.
My doubts have brought much shame upon my house. Fortunately, it's supported by Plinky's momma's discarded toothpicks; we know how strong oak is.
# posted by : 11:35 AM
: 11:35 AM
Big D:
I think you're right; she does exhibit Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Whereas he exhibits Fecal Alcohol Syndrome.
"the Miles Davis of pants pissing"...that rings up a sunny image...we must never speak of this to Mr. White.
I think you're right; she does exhibit Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Whereas he exhibits Fecal Alcohol Syndrome.
"the Miles Davis of pants pissing"...that rings up a sunny image...we must never speak of this to Mr. White.
All is as it should be. I can virtually hear Crusty's "This Island Earth" hottie roaring her approval with Fred Gwynne's Herman Munster laugh.
With the Crustacean joining Yellowtail, Dung Beetle, Fish Slap, the Ab Lobster and The Gator in the HOS, there is a definite trend towards the cold-blooded if not invertebrate amongst the 'baggery. I believe this supports DarwinB1's theories of douchevolution and that notion that we are backsliding towards an idiocracy.
With the Crustacean joining Yellowtail, Dung Beetle, Fish Slap, the Ab Lobster and The Gator in the HOS, there is a definite trend towards the cold-blooded if not invertebrate amongst the 'baggery. I believe this supports DarwinB1's theories of douchevolution and that notion that we are backsliding towards an idiocracy.
How do we know its the Puma Armband guy? Personally I couldn't see anything due to the tinted k-car windshield he sported for mug-wear.
omg - where to start with this pic... I don't think darksock left anything for us. And anything I could find would pale in comparison.
Well, I would definitely say this certainly looks like a place I would avoid on a first date, or in general. I mean - there's a fuse box to thier right, some electrical design that hasn't been touched since WWII, and what could be a closet-pole to their left. Above them is a lamp you see in a doctor or dentist's examination room... This place looks seedy and remote. If this isn't a bomb shelter my next guess is a underground (is there any other) organ-smuggling lab. And he's going to start by the removal of her right tit, which he's going to sell to Bea Arthur.
I can't really decide on a HoS vote. I'm too busy vomiting over Bea Arthur's hoglike pubic bristles hanging off of a rooked penis.
omg - where to start with this pic... I don't think darksock left anything for us. And anything I could find would pale in comparison.
Well, I would definitely say this certainly looks like a place I would avoid on a first date, or in general. I mean - there's a fuse box to thier right, some electrical design that hasn't been touched since WWII, and what could be a closet-pole to their left. Above them is a lamp you see in a doctor or dentist's examination room... This place looks seedy and remote. If this isn't a bomb shelter my next guess is a underground (is there any other) organ-smuggling lab. And he's going to start by the removal of her right tit, which he's going to sell to Bea Arthur.
I can't really decide on a HoS vote. I'm too busy vomiting over Bea Arthur's hoglike pubic bristles hanging off of a rooked penis.
# posted by : 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
@ mr. white
can't slide a urinary references on, er past you
the Crust passes jackhammer to the skull test... as for the hott, carpet definately doesn't match the drapes... unless Clairol was spilled on the rug too
can't slide a urinary references on, er past you
the Crust passes jackhammer to the skull test... as for the hott, carpet definately doesn't match the drapes... unless Clairol was spilled on the rug too
# posted by : 1:55 PM
: 1:55 PM
@ Baron:
Excellent Sci-Fi reference. Or should I say Sci-Fivehead reference.
The dude in that movie looked like Buddy Epson with an engorged forehead. She looks like Mr. Peanut in a wig, sans glasses and top hat.
Excellent Sci-Fi reference. Or should I say Sci-Fivehead reference.
The dude in that movie looked like Buddy Epson with an engorged forehead. She looks like Mr. Peanut in a wig, sans glasses and top hat.
Mr. White:
On a scale of 1 to 10, urinate.
Q: Why is a Bipolar ADHD kid on sugar like Mr. White's rubber?
A: Because it gets pissed off and flies around the room.
Okay, I'll stop now. Don't want anyone getting pissed. on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, urinate.
Q: Why is a Bipolar ADHD kid on sugar like Mr. White's rubber?
A: Because it gets pissed off and flies around the room.
Okay, I'll stop now. Don't want anyone getting pissed. on.
look at the hott in the pic getting boob-kidnapped and then look in the rainbow hott pic at the girl behind him on the left...the sultry hott blond? its her its the same hott! so this is that bag of dicks!! i want to taste the inside of that hott...and the rainbow hott too...id shave my testicles with a rabid raccoon just to get the taste of her on my tounge...im all worked up now ill brb
# posted by : 4:06 PM
: 4:06 PM
Wow..this guys looks like some sort of superdouche...he looks like he was put together by parts from lesser douches...a bionic bag if you will...all other douches quiver in his presence
# posted by : 7:57 PM
: 7:57 PM
Since Crusty just made it in the HoS please go to another HoS member's myspace (Fish Slap's) and look at the headline...Wow!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=141390575
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=141390575
# posted by : 8:38 PM
: 8:38 PM
@jurassic: Great. Confirmation that he's still contaminating the greater Chicago region.
Hey, and nice pic.
Of. His. Abs.
Would someone please explain what the hell he's saying on his page? Did he lose his hairburning gig and move into "fashion merchandising"?
Cause we know that's only one rung lower than "club promoter" on the douche occupation scale...
Oh, and Fuck Fish Slap
Hey, and nice pic.
Of. His. Abs.
Would someone please explain what the hell he's saying on his page? Did he lose his hairburning gig and move into "fashion merchandising"?
Cause we know that's only one rung lower than "club promoter" on the douche occupation scale...
Oh, and Fuck Fish Slap
what is the fish slap persons beef against chii clothing...apparently he believes its of inferior quality from what i can gather?
# posted by : 10:57 PM
: 10:57 PM
HEY DOUCHE, GI Joe called, he wants his hair back. Good God. And Bleeth, High School called, you missed your Cosmotology classes three weeks in a a row? These taint juices deserve each other.
# posted by : 2:41 AM
: 2:41 AM
New to the site, and VERY confused: Why is Dave Matthews holding Michael Douglas in a blonde wig hostage?
# posted by : 7:05 AM
: 7:05 AM
She looks like some cruel person kept rubber bands around the center of her head as a baby.
# posted by : 7:20 AM
: 7:20 AM
You could take ad space out on that broad's forehead. It's a forehead that would make Mena Subvari and Helen Hunt shout, "GOOD GOD! LOOK AT THAT FOREHEAD!!!"
# posted by : 7:32 AM
: 7:32 AM
Good induction......... Crusty is HoS worthy. Fruit Stripe is what got him over the top.
# posted by : 7:46 AM
: 7:46 AM
She looks like a Barbie doll with her rubber head pushed in at the forehead. Without the hair and orange paint this chick aint shit.
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# posted by : 9:17 PM
: 9:17 PM << Home
