Yet another scroat who cleans out Pumpy's ass crack with their facial hair.

The trick is to not spill your combo cocktail/ass-cleaning solution of Simple Green and ammonia on the way fine blondes on uber-wad's right.
 

So by your rationale, anyone who criticizes anyone is dictating their life and should not do so? movie critics tell us what we should see, music critics tell us what we should listen to. db1 is a relationship critic. he sees gorgeous women with complete and total fuckstain taint goblins, and merely gives his opinion of why they should not see that person. critics arent always right. critics can be assholes. but it's opinion, and like assholes, (the writer of that letter) we all have them.
 

I just want to comment on the 800 pound mustache in the corner. Perhaps make a witty comment or two about balls swinging at it or something. Got nothin', I'll check back later when I'm drunk.
 

DB1-
You are such a loser.

In reading what follows these words, am I the only one struck by the irony here?

And for the record, that dude in the picture is not a douchebag. Anyone rocking a 'stache like that in public gets a pass from me. Rock on, Sam Elliot/Ed Begley dude.
 

Nice 'stache. Where's your beard? Oh, wait, you have TWO BEARDS!
 

"do you prefer to swing the ball towards the crowd instead?"

Maybe I'm slow today, but I don't even know what that means. Is he into tetherball? Is there a jai-lai vendetta? If you're bowling I could see that being dangerous.

As for the picture, I see a couple Tri-Delts and one of their uncles who's only 5 years older out on a riverboat casino waiting for the Jimmy Buffett tribute band to kick things off.
 

"I'm not saying you're worthless. I mean we all need people like you around so we can laugh at them when we need a good cheering up."

isn't that what this website is all about? He rips on you for ripping on people, then says he likes having you around so he can rip on you!!!

who is the add wizard on that one???
 

Is swinging the ball towards the crowd a reference to being gay?

Seriously, what the hell does that mean?

oh, and fuck Fish SLap (WHERE HAS HE BEEN?@!!)

Army of Douche-ness
 

I always assumed that the "hott" aspect of the site was all supposed to be tongue in cheek and somewhat ironic. I vote to nominate Anonymustache for a douche title of his own, as he asks "Do you even have a girlfriend?" In doing such, he marginalizes and objectifies women in the same way in which he accuses Douchebag1 of doing the same. Who is to say having a girlfriend indicates any possession of right or lack their of by which to make judgments. IN the end, such pettiness undermines Anonymustache's whole, already fallacious argument.

Douche on, brother.
 

whatever, i would just like to state that this guy is not a 'bag. although he does look like he could one day rail against diabeetis.

goo-goo-g'joob!
 

I agree- Fuck Fish Slap

-Jonezy
 

DB1, stop dick tating.

Um, if you don't like the site, go away. It really is that simple. We, however, will continue to use the pics on here to vent at stool-pushers, dirt darts, and overall lousy bastards. It's theraputic. Now go back to your hedge fund blog or whatever it is you like to do.
 

so now you're swinging ballhs
what's with the attitude? I sense that. - Tors
 

Apparently Steve Kerr's got his disguise sorted in case that Shaq trade doesn't work out.
 

Sigh. A greased up douchebags attempt at logic.

And no way that dude in the picture is a 'bagg, his fucking mustache is awesome.
 

This dude is more bitter than all of us together go swing your balls mister and lighten-up would ya'.
Nice Stache by the way.
I see you scratched your forehead trying to remove the mark of the bag.
 

At least he did not spell "loser" as "looser". I rcvd several passed notes in my school days alerting me to my "looser" status. Not as an adjective, mind you, but as a noun. As in, "You are a looser".

What they were trying to say did not bother me at all. The spelling did.

So at least this guy has his o's under control. He's not all bad.
 

If only they could write half as well as they gel.
 

Not Douche McBaggy Stash, but this is a different phenom... This is Paddy O'Angry Mann who likes to jump off bars and into people who don't like it that he stinks of last night's puke. Wanna do something about it?!

The wily smile on no-lipp hott makes me want to check for my wallet after admiring her pal's cleavite.
 

If Steve Zahn and the guy on the Pringle's can had a son, this would be him.
 

"do you prefer to swing the ball towards the crowd instead?"

i've never played professional baseball, but i've been to several games and had great seats. and from what i could see, it looked to me that the players were swinging bats, not balls. you SWING a bat, you HIT a ball.

and don't tell anyone this, but i am actually god's gift, not DB1. sorry DB1. she said it was a tough choice to make.
 

@lord of the douche.....that was fucking hilarious. nice work.
 

Angry Angus McDouche....he's speaking O'bonics....as in "hey no lip, how my dictate?"
 

Contrary to historical record, Custer did not die at Little Big Horn. After a daring escape from the Lakota, his faithful mustache discovered a small rip in the space/time continuum which transported them both to a small beachside bar in present day Miami. After murdering the first douchescrote that they came across and donning his garb, Custer and his stash decided to hunt some futuristic tail, and by hunt I mean creep out. Time traveling super stache? Yes. Douchebag? No.
 

Sometimes you swing the ball at the crowd, and sometimes, well, the crowd swings the ball at you.
 

Debbie Gibson hottie and roots hottie must have a thing for Civil War soldiers.
 

O'bonics. Niiiice. I'm laughing as hard as I was the first time I saw the Oompa Prompas the first time.

Paddy O'Angry Mann is not douche... just pure jackass. I think the no-lip hott has been a blonde for about 1.5 inches.
 

i smell what you're cooking Darksock.
 

Douche on, Doucher!
 

Beginning with the word "so" makes the sentence incomplete.

C- !!!!
 

I don't get all this "ball-swinging". Is it because I'm a girl? Like are we talking about a mace, or testicles?
I'm so confused...

Nice handle-bars on KamiKazi pitcher drinking "Woody Harrelson pre-balding-stage" douche. Freddy Mercury would be proud. I dictate that his face needs a trim. Performed by someone's rusty fist.
Way to make your drink match your shirt. Richard Simmons would be jealous.
 

Lefty is perfection.
 

the douchebag in this picture and the one in the e-mail both share the same malady its called bringingaknifetoagunfightus the douche in the letter is self evident..this guy has messy hair and ironic facial hair...ok but in his case he only looks like a methed out topeka mechanic douche-by-proxy, the drink... svenger please, its large green has fruit on top garnish and a straw, perez hilton would be embarassed to hold that at tgi fridays...the ring nope shhh i don't wanna hear 45 minutes on what it means to you...
and the clothes slash fake lei...the bleeths are wearing black dresses so we can assume this is something more formal than coupon night at the dogtrack
 

i killed a hobo
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

After pontificating upon my my ceramic throne I came upon this hypothesis about today's fanmail, it's a complete work of fiction and a total fake. I smell a reg at work here, notice how semi-articulate the author appears to be in comparison to most who choose to hurl poo on this site. Sure there isn't a single word above four syllables in the post but hey after only 14 or 15 beers I can barely manage to yell out my own name during sex and it's only two syllables. Also notable are the lack of misspellings that frequently plague the posts of every obtuse mongrel that wanders on to this site. I find it hard to believe that anyone but a reg on this site may be able to properly operate a spellchecker while drunk. Which one of you did it? Confess now or be relegated to peruse only pictures of the gator for all eternity.

BCS your post at number 2 rules him out as the perp in this most recent fiasco but I'm positive it's another reg.
 

wasn't me. i think its authentic. i think if a reg was gonna go overboard on reader mail to try to get up on the site, they would've been a little more inarticulate and stupid, although that last line is pretty damn stupid.
 

maybe it was just the DB1 stirring up shit himself. ever think of that?
 

Rides on this mustache are available to women of limited means, and even to women of no means at all.
 

Pray Tell , anyone, what is this ball and crowd to which BigRedStache speaks?

Good lord lame, someone needs to get a bit more into the bottle prior to writing in. And for gods sake, get some hotties in a picture with you if you're even going to attempt such a venture....there that is my poo for the day , but seriously, ball to crowd?
 

If it's a hoax then it wasn't THIS reg; I could cook up a much freakier rant than this.

hmmm......

Gotta go
 

No way..I refuse to believe that this douche is with these girls willingly..this has to be one of those special moments when a retarded cousin gets away from grandma and starts humping the nearest hott and all she can say is, "isn't that cute." also is that a wedding band on his finger or a douche ring of bagness..and is that a 16 ounce glass of douchejuice? he must be getting ready to smash some cans against his head or run full speed into a brick wall
 

You guys don't know how glad I am to be back here. All the porn and sports was getting filtered from the job and HCWDB.com was deemed banned because of some bikini/lingerie or some crap. That was the longest month I ever actually had to endure. I was seriously lost without this site. I feel whole again. Screw you if you dont feel what I feel right now. So for those of you that we all "Where's Douchetorious???" I am glad to be back. Hopefully for good. Yeah I could have logged on at home, but it only feels right when I'm at work screwing off and talking about this douche or that douche.

Woody Harrelson mixed with Johnny cakes from the Sopranos is all i got for now.
 

the moustache diminishes the bagoscity a fair amount. and the fact that the two women aren't too pretty almost takes the bagesqueness out of this picture. almost.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

You are a loser, DB1 / Jay Louis; if that's even your real name. Why only a loser would have a book deal, be articulate, humorous, moderate and manage successful website/blog, have legions of fans, possess an encyclopedic knowledge of the arcane minutiae of popular culture, be educated and well read and, of course, have a cool nickname like douchebag1.

You a loser indeed, sir.

May we all become such losers in our future years.

BTW, why don't you create a generic angry/jaggoff reader flame poster with drop-down menus. It would same them time and their missives would be much easier to fathom. You could leave a comments field at the end so they can ramble incoherently like this guy did. As with many other posters, I don't get the "swing the ball towards the crowd" comment. Perhaps, based on its context re: your relationship with women status, this is some sort of cutting edge gay baiting reference.
 

I, on the other hand, am such an unloser that I cannot construct proper sentence replete with subject AND verb.

Alas, the time is nigh for a Ketel One and Tonic with a wedge of lemon served in a tasteful red plastic Solo cup. This site has made me swear off Grey Goose; which isn't a bad vodka in its own right. It's the douche association I cannot bear and, as such, Da Goose has been banned from my liquor cabinet. The banning resulted in a horrid hangover the next day.
 

@douchetorious b.a.g....welcome back brother. you were missed.

and now, back to 'bag bashing!
 

ha ha. its been a long time since some decent fan mail has come in. DB1 - you are such a loser!
 

Oh, welcome back B.A.G. Stupid filtering.
 

I know this is a generic comment, but this page is hilarious.

Also generic: I hate douchebags.

thanks!
 

@hollywood sucker....welcome to the party kid. stick around. we need more funny women in here. it gives us males a concise female perspective on these douchebags we love to thrash.

and your blog is great stuff.
 

I also prefer to swing the balls towards the crowd. And by "crowd" I mean the chin of this letter's author. And by "balls" I mean my balls.

Speaking of which, I like your handle and your avatar, Hollywood sucker; but they don't match. I'm just sayin...

Welcome aboard. Many of the lady regs left us months ago. Probably because of statements like the above one.
 

@elastic.....that was funny. real funny. i'd like to say i didn't visualize your balls swinging in the face of the letter author, but i'd be lying. just the word 'balls' is funny. but then you add 'swinging' and it just get ridiculous. i mean....not that i find myself thinking about swinging balls all that often....i'm just sayin'.

balls.


hehehh......ah shit. that's good stuff right there.

where's my High Life? HONEY?!?
 

dude your handle cracks me up love bear


i love how you guys are welcoming her like she's gonna spend her mornings writing limericks and haikus with us. eventually she'll get offended and stop coming like all the females...or drape herself in anonymity and lurk in the shadows out of fear of repeated harassment from flyteeth.

but yeah...hi pretty lady.
 

@bcs....aww c'mon brother.....don't sound so jaded. she might be a limerick genius.

and where in the fuck is Flyteeth anyway? he offended me for god's sake. and you know that's not easy to do.
 

@ Scroter:
I too had to give up the Goose after learning OF the ways of the 'Bag. I like it, will dlink it over Absolut, will absolutely dlink it over Fleischmanns or Popov, but will never again put forth cold hard cash for it. To put it in HCWDBDC terminology, Goose has been Bleethed. Tilme to buy stock in Level 1 or Chopin, I guess.
Now as for the 70's Porn-stache, I think he's just out on a break from his fluffing job...along with his 2 co-fluffers. Prepping the "studs" requires huge amounts of colored liquids that make you wince...also pay heed to the professional suction he is generating from 1 of the 2 straws...2 Straws One Man? (sometimes I hate my imagination). He is delighted that the liquid from this tube is cold and sorta refreshing...., but depressed it doesn't shoot out....
 

There's been a bit of douche backlash lately. Some people just don't get it. With that said all of these girls are hot, but some of the women are beautiful, some.
There's a big difference between hot and beautiful...just for the uninitiaited.
 

ok i have re-read and zapruder read this note and my conclusion is the author is female...females
are much more likely to accuse a man of thinking he is god's gift when he shows proficiency beyond their expectations....the first rationalization string is distinctly feamle as well...you like women-you mad at women because they like douche-you think you know better-you are hitler
its classic female logic and argumentation...then the big put down you have an ego...and i laugh at you to make myself feel better-
female not getting that this is the whole point around here and thus the irony of her objection to it...after that it devolves into some crap that is so weak its not worth analyzing
 

@BCS 5:08pm

Bro, hold off on her....you said she might stop coming...I would never ever ever suggest that a decent girl stop coming.....
...i'm just sayin....

@ Hollywood Sucker

Welcome, please share your wit and sharpen your reposte, we shall worship your toenails a'la the Bag Queen....we need the female seal of rejection on these pit-sniffers! Else we're just pissin in the wind too often...
 

he reminds me of a guy in high school whom we paid $10 to eat a live lizard...he did and then he threw up about an hour later during class...he wasn't a bag...an immense retard but a bag..I think not
 

That mustached man has been following me around for the last several weeks. I keep seeing him in bars and Del Tacos. He is most certainly a douche.
 

I like this guy. Its not everyone that could sport a mustache like that... I couldn't...
 

Did green Yosemite Sam really wrote this?
 

I think the balls and the crowd is a juvenile reference to masturbation, the "crowd" being the fingers of the offending hand.
 

John Mayer:

Please quit trying to stir up trouble around here.

Either go back to posting self-indulgent crap on your own blog and jack off to those naughty picks of that horse-faced Texas girl you fingered last year

or

say something nice.

Thanks!
 

Welcome back, b.a.g.! You have been missed.






Oh, and Fuck Fish Slap.
 

@mitch: Wilford Brimley before his Liberty Medical gig. Same thought here.

@elastic: So you took up darksock's suggestion. Brilliant. Kudos to you both.

@hollywood sucker: Welcome! We're glad to meet you. You'll soon find out that we're all civil, decent people with uncategorized fetishes. But we're NICE. And be cautious of pfah... He's funny and smart and we all like him and shit, but whatever you do, don't mention Bea Arthur to him. Just don't. Trust.

@newmans: "...the bleeths are wearing black dresses so we can assume this is something more formal than coupon night at the dogtrack." I laughed up a puddle of bile. Awesome.

@darksock: Several threads later, and I now realize that I will never be able to form the words "potted meat" in my head without my gag reflex kicking in. Thanks. Really.
 

i killed a hobo is fuckin' hillarious!
 

he's a fireman (homo) who rescued 2 tree'd bleethes
 

Man, Lanny McDonald

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/231/455502371_c070b53bee.jpg

used to be my favorite hockey player until I saw this. Now he's just a DOUCHE.
 

Shit, hater, shut up.

DB1 is all kinds of hot.
 

Hey Newman...believe it or not, not all chicks are stupid.

Try dating one, you'd be surprised.
 

I am going to have to disagree...girls are very stupid..mainly because their arguments have nothing to do with logic
 

Dear vaccuous gorgon -

The management here at HCwDB strives for complete customer satisfaction and so we do appreciate you taking time away from your busy schedule of servicing migrant workers behind the Fashion Bug and fisting herd animals for Cheetos and meth in order to offer us your feedback.

First, please accept our sympathies on your parent's obvious surrender to their lifelong addictions to Southern Comfort and airplane glue. Despite their DNA-addling attempts to blind themselves to the harsh realities of life in Vista Del Fifth Wheel, you were obviously born with enough fingers to type and your own chemical dependencies on peroxide, silicone and Razzleberry LipSmackers has done little to effect your diction. You are obviously a lady of no small accomplishments. Good on you.

Please know that at HCwDB, all opinions are welcome and important to us. However, since the crux of your feedback is not opinion but rather a syllogism so deeply flawed that kittens and angels weep at its idiocy, we are opting instead to mock you with the unflinching severity and detachment of a stray bull terrier shaking a dumpster baby. Because we at HCwDB do not tell anyone how to live their anything. That, as you yourself point out, would be wrong. The distinction between social parody and legitimate life advice should be as obvious to you as it is when it's time to take more Valtrex.

Again, thank you for your input. Please enjoy this complimentary copy of DB1's new audiobook, GRATING, SELF-IMPORTANT TROGLODYTES I'VE KNOWN & THE INSIPID DRIVEL THEY'VE WRITTEN TO ME, as narrated by Bill Fagerbakke and Luis De Jesus.

Sincerely -

Management
 

And yes, that gentleman's mustache makes him a Viking SexGod among us mere mortals. I dub him MuffDuster McGee.

And now I will go hide my feeble John Waters Sharpie scribble in shame.
 

bravo baron. kudos good sir
 

Fake Lanny MacDonald (circa the Calgary Flames' only Stanley Cup run) mustache is an instant not-a-bag move. He is calling bullshit on the whole scene.
 

Not only did the Baron wrap it up neatly, but GOOD LORD he created the most awesome death metal band name these yellowed eyes have e'er seen:

Vacuous Gorgon...

He even threw in lyrics: ...stray bull terrier shaking a dumpster baby...

I stand in both awe and what appears to be a puddle of my own urine.
 

aha!!!! i didn't say all women are stupid...i just said that women are more likely than men to make the same types of points made in the letter...that it fits in a gender pattern(mostly tongue in cheek btw but thats for another day)something that guys can relate to because we have all been broadsided so to speak by this type of thing...and i was only coming back to address the actual bleeths in the photo oh well...
 

did someone say Bea Arthur?



hellooooo Inappropriate Office Boner!!!! wow. this one's a rager.
 

DB1 is a freedom hater! He's hates freedom! And democracy! He's a democracy hater, and a freedom hater!!!

Just wondering: what sort of man wears a big ring on this middle finger? Women do that, usually, not men.
 

@bcs: "total fuckstain taint goblins"

That's some fine English, brother!
 

*sigh*
 

Something tells me that Bea Arthur's labia looks like empty testicles.

Which is fine; I'm just sayin'.......
 

and the chick in the middle looks like George W. Bush with a cheap wig on.
 

@baron

I'm currently writing a song that I'm going to title "Cheetos and Meth" in your honor.
 

Sometimes late at night

I write disjointed paragraphs

with inane logic

and pull conclusions out of my ass

Then I go for personal insults of people far more

Intelligent than me
 

Can somebody translate? Why are all dbs illeterate?
 

DB1, the sad truth is that these lovely ladies don't choose these 'bags; they are chosen for them by the media. Much like our presidential candidates.

Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

pfah, have you seen this?
 

Stache bag may not really be one after all.

Still, I'd love to see the dude super glue a plum size acrylic ball to each nostril rat and bob his head up and down so they'd clack.
 

Just the fucking colour of his drink instantly catapults him into the upper bagosphere.
 

@mcdouche - if you stopped dating inbred people like your mother and sister, you will find that you opinion on "girls" intelligence will change quite drastically.

@douche of earl - don't fret - having a handlebar moustache doesn't always make a man a douche. Look at Alfredson. Well, that was a terrible example - nevermind.

@newman, you may have a point. Usually when dudes are insulting eachother it includes physical harm, and at the very least, is quite blunt, usually lacking in detail/nit-picking. When girls insult eachother they attack eachother's looks, like the person who wrote that letter. And only a girl would make fun of someone for having an ego. A guy simply wouldn't because it's something they all have. It's like me making fun of Bea Arthur for having a vagina.
 

@ newman - irrespective of what you said, I am telling you that ALL women are stupid and suffer from some sort of psychosis...I have dated many and currently live with one..so I should know
@bag queen - I gave my mother and sister a whirl and they just simply didn't put out to my satisfaction; you can deny it all you want, but you are suffering from a mental ailment as we speak..it is offset somewhat by your hatred of bags and I commend you but a loon you are no less..do not take offense..you cannot help it..you were born that way...women are illogical...your veins pump blood cells dipped in irrationality...I bet if your building was on fire and your man rushed you out to save your life...you would yell at him for not turning off the tv before you left...this is the type of nonsensical madness that only vagina carriers are capable of
 

Why would you NOT turn off the TV?

One of my buddies here watched in horror as the Katrina storm surge crept towards his house, which was TWENTY FUCKING FEET ABOVE SEA LEVEL AND 2 MILES INLAND. He clearly had only minutes to act. What did he do? He abandoned his brand new Corvette, 50" plasma TV, stocks, bonds, etc. and grabbed a Wharfdale Diamond speaker...one fucking speaker mind you....and waded out into the surge to escape.

Fire, hurricane, terrorist attack: everyone is a fucking idiot in these situations. Don't believe me? Listen to newscasters' inane redundant babble during the next catastrophe.
 

When the Baron brings the pain, we win.

Outstanding work sir!
 

@bag queen.....you are a wonderful person. thank you so much for that link. it filled my day with joy.
 

Nice to see former Toronto Maple Leaf winger, Lanny McDonald is doing so well.
 

And your pants too right Pfah?

He has a 7 up tshirt on. I'm telling you he's the love child of woody Harrelson and Johnny Cakes
 

You may be happy to know that Vacuous Gorgon is opening for the Fuckstain Taint Goblins and Bea Arthur's Labia at the Troubadour in West Hollywood next Tuesday.
 

I killed a hobo sums it up perfectly. No lipp hott makes me cringe.
 

I heard Bea Arthur's Labia was opening for Pfah's Crooked Prong
 

mcdouche...all i said was i didn't say it and i'm not saying it now...and don't ask me what my definition of is is...
bag queen...truthfully it was the emphasis on relationship aspects that gave me the clue...but i agree with you agreeing with me...
its not that women are less logical its that they are less likely to rely strictly on logic...
i have learned through trial and error to tune in the emotional element like any other subtext...
us men tend toward the objective
and women towards the subjective...its who is saying it not what is being said...
asnd dammit i still didn't get to rip on these bleeths
 

mcdouche, to put things into perspective, you should turn on your TV and watch the headline news. dink.
 

who is this man? I need to shake his hand for the commitment shown in growing out such a fantastic stache. To shear it off would leave him powerless... douchebag? I think not!
 

@bag queen: when you call me a dink do you mean a derogatory name for an asian person or an idiot...because I am the latter, not a pan face...and by the way, I follow the news almost as much as the douches posted on this site...so I am informed...I hope you don't think that watching TV gets you up to speed on the world because all it does is make you an idiot
 

What's with the douche on douche violence here? Paddy O'Angry McHobo Killer is going to pop our heads off and feed them to no lipp hott. It might be worth it just to get Lefty's attention. She looks like a nurse who would cure all I've ever feared. Mmmmmmm. So sweet and kissable. To bad her uncle just shot putted my head towards the crowd.
 

Shit, what was that Blink 183 video? Damn, but he looks like the singer when he was sporting the fake 'stache.