Monday, February 25, 2008
HCwDB of the Week: Bob Edition
This was one of the toughest Weeklies in awhile to cull down to three finalists, as there were a number of sneaky time-delayed wretchedness bubbling up in some of the pics I had to choose from.
But sort, I must. Like Solomon, Judge Brandeis or the chick on Project: Runway, I must decide. Drop my hammer. Toss my Night Train.
So without further ado, I dedicate this Weekly to my hangover. Here's to you, alcoholic induced corporeal dehydration. I name you Bob.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Torch
The Torch wasn't properly celebrated the first time around.
And by celebrated, I mean clever metaphors for hair on fire.
Maybe Spanish Paprika Hott was too old to incite blood lust.
Maybe Torch has too much of a Gaybag vibe to inpire the proper mocking. And just to reiterate the rules of HCwDB hunting, Gaybags are usually eliminated for their lack of threat to the hott.
But I'm not sold on the Gaybag excuse.
Torch has that hint of "metro" that suggests it's all part of his larger hair spiked plan. Maybe I'm being too generous. Or maybe I smell like a Caribbean whore house at 4am. Either way, Torch and Paprika get their shot in the Weekly.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Grenade Tosser
A second pic that incites more amusement than rage, which is definitely a negative.
But the power of early college hott with swollen hills that speak of well fed future generations certainly carry some weight.
And I mean that literally. Like 6 pounds each.
Grenade has black fingernails, a pink shirt with a grenade on it, and a punchable mug.
He's earned his shot in the Weekly.
Finally as part of my empassioned defense, I close with these two words:
Boob. ies.
Latin for marry me, treat me like crap, cheat on me with the mailman, take the car, the house and the chihuahua, just leave me your bathrobe with which I can make soup and drink your essence while crying into my bowl of Lucky Charms.
Mmm... meaty suckable forearm.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Rosencrap and Gildenhott
Some say douche, it is a turbag, who smells, like week old fish...
Some say hott, it is exotic. With slopen nose, and really great boobs...
Yeesh.
I just cribbed a Bette Midler song.
I feel dirty.
Hold me.
No, not you, Rosencrap.
Rose girl with the perfect hips.
Yes you.
Come to me.
Love me.
Lick me like a lollipop.
Tell me I'm your viking captain and spank me with a rope of licorice.
(ahem)
Okay, them's your three. All three will be crushed by either Millennium 'Bag or Deathtongue in the monthly. But lets serve up that slaughter in style.
Honorable mention to House, The 'Stralian Autopsy, and The Night Oranger, who just missed the cut.
Like Bill Murray, when he begged Anita not to leave in Stripes, don't go, the plants'll die.
Yes they will, Bill Murray. Drink that coffee straight from the pot, and vote, as always, in the comments thread.
But sort, I must. Like Solomon, Judge Brandeis or the chick on Project: Runway, I must decide. Drop my hammer. Toss my Night Train.
So without further ado, I dedicate this Weekly to my hangover. Here's to you, alcoholic induced corporeal dehydration. I name you Bob.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Torch
The Torch wasn't properly celebrated the first time around.
And by celebrated, I mean clever metaphors for hair on fire.
Maybe Spanish Paprika Hott was too old to incite blood lust.
Maybe Torch has too much of a Gaybag vibe to inpire the proper mocking. And just to reiterate the rules of HCwDB hunting, Gaybags are usually eliminated for their lack of threat to the hott.
But I'm not sold on the Gaybag excuse.
Torch has that hint of "metro" that suggests it's all part of his larger hair spiked plan. Maybe I'm being too generous. Or maybe I smell like a Caribbean whore house at 4am. Either way, Torch and Paprika get their shot in the Weekly.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Grenade Tosser
A second pic that incites more amusement than rage, which is definitely a negative.
But the power of early college hott with swollen hills that speak of well fed future generations certainly carry some weight.
And I mean that literally. Like 6 pounds each.
Grenade has black fingernails, a pink shirt with a grenade on it, and a punchable mug.
He's earned his shot in the Weekly.
Finally as part of my empassioned defense, I close with these two words:
Boob. ies.
Latin for marry me, treat me like crap, cheat on me with the mailman, take the car, the house and the chihuahua, just leave me your bathrobe with which I can make soup and drink your essence while crying into my bowl of Lucky Charms.
Mmm... meaty suckable forearm.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Rosencrap and Gildenhott
Some say douche, it is a turbag, who smells, like week old fish...
Some say hott, it is exotic. With slopen nose, and really great boobs...
Yeesh.
I just cribbed a Bette Midler song.
I feel dirty.
Hold me.
No, not you, Rosencrap.
Rose girl with the perfect hips.
Yes you.
Come to me.
Love me.
Lick me like a lollipop.
Tell me I'm your viking captain and spank me with a rope of licorice.
(ahem)
Okay, them's your three. All three will be crushed by either Millennium 'Bag or Deathtongue in the monthly. But lets serve up that slaughter in style.
Honorable mention to House, The 'Stralian Autopsy, and The Night Oranger, who just missed the cut.
Like Bill Murray, when he begged Anita not to leave in Stripes, don't go, the plants'll die.
Yes they will, Bill Murray. Drink that coffee straight from the pot, and vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:26 AM 
Comments:
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The Grenade Tosser, no doubt about it. Aside from everything we learned about him from this pic and the one that followed, the fact that Pumpy would go ballistic if he saw this is enough to win my vote.
grenade. pink shirt. if he were in the middle east, they would chop his hand off.
# posted by 
: 7:02 AM
: 7:02 AM
NONE! The obvious, overlooked, answer is vampire boob. Because:boobies.
Grenade makes a good runner up because: boobies.
Grenade makes a good runner up because: boobies.
# posted by : 7:10 AM
: 7:10 AM
I go with Rosencrap and Gildenhott. All I see is that lollipop by hotties mouth and think of a porn I saw (more than once) where some filthy prom queen sucked a lollipop in which lubed her ass with.....Yummy. Anyway, Rosencrap is not even orange, he is that burnt sienna color in the Crayola 64 crayon box, he has some scarf/tie douche ribbon thing going on around his neck and the doucheface with the strawberry. I would like to shit on this guy....and not in the sexual way.
# posted by : 7:31 AM
: 7:31 AM
Grenade tosser looks like he is in heaven and he knows it. Sorta not a douche but man what a shirt! Boobies to you pink flamingo.
# posted by : 7:37 AM
: 7:37 AM
Rosencrap and Gildenhott, mostly because Rosencrap makes me want to vomit the instant I look at the picture. Grenade Tosser seems like an overachiever -- he's trying . . . but Rosencrap has the douche gene.
In addition, Gildenhott has a certain nascent bleethiness that should count for something.
In addition, Gildenhott has a certain nascent bleethiness that should count for something.
I'm voting for Gildenhot. I think she's the hottest of these hotts. And Rosencrap's orange gives him an edge over the other two unenviable piles of post-party day-glo vomit.
The Tosser - for all things that are Boobilicious and for all things that are Scrote-tastic.
For all things pink push-up and all things pink hold up (nice belt, they sell men's clothes where you got it?)
Torchy is not Douche enough, Paprika loves him and hides her fun bags otherwise, I may have a different opinion
Rosencrap is Douchey no doubt but the hott is not repulsed but I am at the thought.
Tosser by a boob grope
For all things pink push-up and all things pink hold up (nice belt, they sell men's clothes where you got it?)
Torchy is not Douche enough, Paprika loves him and hides her fun bags otherwise, I may have a different opinion
Rosencrap is Douchey no doubt but the hott is not repulsed but I am at the thought.
Tosser by a boob grope
Um. Wow.
The torch is just too silly. The fact that he's holding a can of hair spritz really puts him over the top. His hott reminds me of a girl I lusted after in high school. She was so much better than that. Now I'm glad I never asked her out. Kinda.
Rosencrap and Gildenhott are bile-inducing, but she's the Flower Girl -or rather the Strawberry Girl- and thus Paid to Pose. After she gets done being pawed by puds like him she comes home and laments it in the loving arms of guys like me. Keep sucking that ...strawberry Rosencrap.
Which brings me to the Grenade Tosser. Or, The Tosser. He's got the boobie in hand but he's no Pumpy. He's more like Plumpy. A puny Pilsbury Doughboy of Smurf-like proportions. It is only his hott that elevates him to a level above that of shoe-sole grime. Keep on gropin' and hopin', Tosser. You got my vote.
The torch is just too silly. The fact that he's holding a can of hair spritz really puts him over the top. His hott reminds me of a girl I lusted after in high school. She was so much better than that. Now I'm glad I never asked her out. Kinda.
Rosencrap and Gildenhott are bile-inducing, but she's the Flower Girl -or rather the Strawberry Girl- and thus Paid to Pose. After she gets done being pawed by puds like him she comes home and laments it in the loving arms of guys like me. Keep sucking that ...strawberry Rosencrap.
Which brings me to the Grenade Tosser. Or, The Tosser. He's got the boobie in hand but he's no Pumpy. He's more like Plumpy. A puny Pilsbury Doughboy of Smurf-like proportions. It is only his hott that elevates him to a level above that of shoe-sole grime. Keep on gropin' and hopin', Tosser. You got my vote.
The goddam grenade tosser inspires rage. Uncontrollable rage that makes me want to show up at his doorstep with a flower arrangement, invite myself in, the cover all the walls with plastic sheeting a la Nicholas Cage in Kiss of Death and go to town.
I'm working on my rage issues, but Grenade Tosser FTW.
I'm working on my rage issues, but Grenade Tosser FTW.
Tosser. Because I want to go down on his girl. And I want to fart in his face.
Though why her right cheek is so much more apple-y than her left is worthy of investigation.
Though why her right cheek is so much more apple-y than her left is worthy of investigation.
As much as I hate Rosencrap with his goofy grin and orange skin, my vote must go to The Grenade Tosser. What a tool. Before going into his many faults, let's meditate on this blonde Kapowski hott with her ample Fujis. She maintains her cheery demeanor with stoic resolve dispite the mechanations of the Tosser.
And what a tosser, indeed. He's such a lame emosexual. Black fingernails, printed button up shirt, big Bret Michaels headband, shiny wide bracelet, a tie in a club, big earrings, a hot pink belt, and the shirt that got Homer thrown in the asylum. Not to mention his horrid hot air balloon head and he/she face.
"My name is John Locke, and I'm responsible for the well-being of this hott. Eventually, Tosser, you're going to tell me who you are, you're going to tell me about the people at hot topic, and you're going to tell me why you're so interested in Kapowski. In the meantime, however, you're going to keep your mouth shut. You'll be fine if you bite down on the trigger; enjoy your breakfast."
And what a tosser, indeed. He's such a lame emosexual. Black fingernails, printed button up shirt, big Bret Michaels headband, shiny wide bracelet, a tie in a club, big earrings, a hot pink belt, and the shirt that got Homer thrown in the asylum. Not to mention his horrid hot air balloon head and he/she face.
"My name is John Locke, and I'm responsible for the well-being of this hott. Eventually, Tosser, you're going to tell me who you are, you're going to tell me about the people at hot topic, and you're going to tell me why you're so interested in Kapowski. In the meantime, however, you're going to keep your mouth shut. You'll be fine if you bite down on the trigger; enjoy your breakfast."
Gildenhott turns my crank, but Tara Reid 2.0 does not, and Spanish Paprika is somebody's grandmother. I could go for the GILF thing, but with her...not so much. A compound inequality of hott for an annoying morning.
Gildenhott and Rosencrap for the win.
Gildenhott and Rosencrap for the win.
I'm gonna have to go with the tosser. The pink shirt, the black tie and fingernails, the giant headband to match his shirt, tie, and fingernails, the watch to match his headband, shirt, tie, and fingernails, and the belt to match his watch, headband, shirt, tie, and fingernails. It's all so planned and thought out, like he was planning to get on this site. Twice.
Oh, and as has been said many times before, the hot has gigantic breasts. It's hard to believe she's not producing milk at the moment.
Oh, and as has been said many times before, the hot has gigantic breasts. It's hard to believe she's not producing milk at the moment.
# posted by : 8:23 AM
: 8:23 AM
real men don't use umbrellas, axe body spray as breath freshener or coordinate their evening wear around an oversized pink shirt. though he does have the forethought of wearing the mandana to sop up the forehead grease so as not to disturb the luscious dimples of hott to trott.
still, TGT FTW
still, TGT FTW
# posted by : 8:25 AM
: 8:25 AM
the Grenade Tosser.
if he doesn't win the Weekly, i'll forget about Bea Arthur.
THAT'S how sure i am of him winning this contest.
if he doesn't win the Weekly, i'll forget about Bea Arthur.
THAT'S how sure i am of him winning this contest.
Grenade Tosser. The pink shrt, cheesy earring, black nails, stupid tie, and douche face are enough to reach the finals, but what puts the Tosser over the top is that he is grabbing the beautiful, ginormous boob of a very hot Hott, although the circumference of her arm is a probable harbinger that a front butt and bingo wings are 50 years into this girl's future. But hey, you gotta live in the moment.
Oh, and by over the top, I mean that positively awful Sylvester Stallone movie where he is an arm-wrestling truck driver with a whiny-ass kid.
Oh, and by over the top, I mean that positively awful Sylvester Stallone movie where he is an arm-wrestling truck driver with a whiny-ass kid.
well as much as i think its for the best that p'fah givre up on bea arthur...ever hear the larry king story about the time bea flopped it out against contest legend milton"just show them enough to win" berle and the assembled crowd had to find a ruler long enough to determine a winner...i gotta vote for the tosser...
i too ridiculed the first and second time through..in part because his hott likely has a regional accent that would make
a linguits collaose to the floor nancy kerrigan style and cry out why why...
tosser wins becuse he is the one most likely to piss off other douchebags...enemy of my ememy is my bouchebag of the week
i too ridiculed the first and second time through..in part because his hott likely has a regional accent that would make
a linguits collaose to the floor nancy kerrigan style and cry out why why...
tosser wins becuse he is the one most likely to piss off other douchebags...enemy of my ememy is my bouchebag of the week
# posted by : 8:48 AM
: 8:48 AM
The Torch is not only Bacon-esque, reaction to him is similarly B list. True douchebaggery, is immediately and unmistakably remarkable, like the smell of a Waffle House shit after a long tequila bender....and the Torch fails to attain that lofty standard.
He is Bacon, to Grenade's Tom Cruise, nauseatingly mundane, versus I'd-rather-have-a-barbed-rectal-thermometer-fired-up-my-ass-from-a-cannon...
That, and Grenade is cretinous, which brings to mind a favorite proverb;
Very crowded elevator smell different to midget...
Tosser for the win...
He is Bacon, to Grenade's Tom Cruise, nauseatingly mundane, versus I'd-rather-have-a-barbed-rectal-thermometer-fired-up-my-ass-from-a-cannon...
That, and Grenade is cretinous, which brings to mind a favorite proverb;
Very crowded elevator smell different to midget...
Tosser for the win...
pfah --
If somehow, someday, your passionate love for sweet Bea Arthur come to a tragic end, I want you to know that THERE IS HOPE.
And she is here.
Waiting.
If somehow, someday, your passionate love for sweet Bea Arthur come to a tragic end, I want you to know that THERE IS HOPE.
And she is here.
Waiting.
thanks poo convention. that was very thoughtful of you. but i actually dated Betty White years ago and the break up was not a good one. she'd probably want nothing to do with me now.
she caught me wearing one of her outfits from when she appeared on 'The Love Boat'. it was a terribly awkward moment for both of us.
she caught me wearing one of her outfits from when she appeared on 'The Love Boat'. it was a terribly awkward moment for both of us.
The Torch. Frankly, the other two scare me; something is seriously wrong with Tosser and Rosencrap. They are creapier than they are douchey. I honestly feel those two hotts should fear that their safety is in jeopardy. I have some faith in Tosser's hott, because her boob's as big as his head (pretty sure she could take him). But Gildenhott? Unless she's given up on life, she should run.
Torch, I vote you because you are a douche. You're too busy "hanging loose" and drinking redbull-in-a-bottle? to hang on to the one thing that's coveted most; the HOTT!
Torch, I vote you because you are a douche. You're too busy "hanging loose" and drinking redbull-in-a-bottle? to hang on to the one thing that's coveted most; the HOTT!
# posted by : 9:17 AM
: 9:17 AM
I have a simple method of choosing the winner. I look at the douche selection and visualize who would make me hurl the quickest if they were fondling my boobs. This week's winner in my book is Rosencrap for sure.
Just when I thought a hott couldn't be hotter than Hott #2, I scrolled down to discover Hott #3. Once again, I am in love.
Rosey invigerates both mind and body. And by body, I mean wood. Sucking on that sweet pop and all.
And, as if she alone weren't enough for the win, Fathead McSucky is there to fulfill the turd requirement. In short, this is a textbook HCwDBotW winner in my humble opinion.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Rosey invigerates both mind and body. And by body, I mean wood. Sucking on that sweet pop and all.
And, as if she alone weren't enough for the win, Fathead McSucky is there to fulfill the turd requirement. In short, this is a textbook HCwDBotW winner in my humble opinion.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
Can't go with Grenade Tosser cuz he looks like this dude i knew named Fudd who was in a number of good hardcore bands in Cincy...back when Mandanas weren't part of douche culture
I have to go with Rosencrap becuase he honestly thinks he's sexy.
Army of Douche-ness.
p.s. why the fuck wasn't the dude covering his face in Boston Tea Party up here?
I have to go with Rosencrap becuase he honestly thinks he's sexy.
Army of Douche-ness.
p.s. why the fuck wasn't the dude covering his face in Boston Tea Party up here?
# posted by : 9:31 AM
: 9:31 AM
The Grenage Tosser by far. And what do you mean it is more amusement than rage? The fact this douche with a headband and black nail polish can get away with squeezing the firm DD on supercute blonde hottie made me reach for my Zanex. Time to pop another one before I rip the door out of the wall.
# posted by : 9:36 AM
: 9:36 AM
The Turtle from Over the Hedge: Grenade Tosser.
His hot is cuddly with mammy yams that make me want to eat and nap. He just got fired for putting the ball gag at Hot Topic up his ass.
His hot is cuddly with mammy yams that make me want to eat and nap. He just got fired for putting the ball gag at Hot Topic up his ass.
# posted by : 9:42 AM
: 9:42 AM
Strong showings this week, but it must be Rosencrap and Gildenhott.
Her = Lovable, Bedazzled boobery.
Him = Orange vampobag.
Me = Retching.
Her = Lovable, Bedazzled boobery.
Him = Orange vampobag.
Me = Retching.
# posted by : 9:44 AM
: 9:44 AM
alot of people are forgetting you are voting for the biggest douchebag, not the hottest chick
grenade tosser easy
grenade tosser easy
# posted by : 9:45 AM
: 9:45 AM
Rosencrap and Gildenhott does it for me. Grenade Tosser comes in a close second with that pink shirt(!) and fugly mandanna, but I gotta say, the combination of the expression and mouthful of undecided red goop boil my usual calm demeanor like dropping a magnesium fire in water. His essence oozes Tag and Goose in a twin assault on my beaten senses.
# posted by : 10:10 AM
: 10:10 AM
I'm a big fan of Ron White, but I have to go with the Grenadier on this one.
He has a boob in his hand.
I give douche points and wish-I-had-a-boob-in-my-hand-too-you-lucky-douchy-bastard points as well.
"Just grab 'em in the biscuits."
He has a boob in his hand.
I give douche points and wish-I-had-a-boob-in-my-hand-too-you-lucky-douchy-bastard points as well.
"Just grab 'em in the biscuits."
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
After careful consideration I think that Rosencrap is the winner this week. He is a smelly poo. His filth goes beyond the confines of the pixels on the screen and actually stinks up the real physical world around me.
His greasiness, along with his jewelry, the slicked back hair and the overall excessive amount of clothing accessories win him my disgust. Not to mention that red thing in his fuckin mouth. There is something innate about this guy that bothers me.
His greasiness, along with his jewelry, the slicked back hair and the overall excessive amount of clothing accessories win him my disgust. Not to mention that red thing in his fuckin mouth. There is something innate about this guy that bothers me.
# posted by : 10:36 AM
: 10:36 AM
Rosencrapp - does anybody else see the resemblence to Zira, the female chimp in Planet of the Apes...its no Sleestak compared to that alien douche, but its solid. Pink Grenade is weekly worthy except for his obvious inadequacy issues and his blatant overcompensation...plus he has cancer.
# posted by : 10:37 AM
: 10:37 AM
Tosser gets the win here. He brought something sorta different to the arena of douchebaggery. It's like an ode to classic bags. Trainwreck mandana and his hott can stand up to Snuggles. Boob Grab A la Pumpy. What more can you ask for?
# posted by : 10:43 AM
: 10:43 AM
Grenade Tosser. I think the amusement masks the rage. I know I personally would hog tie the kid to a tree, strip him down to his skivvies and electrocute him repeatedly while screaming at him in Klingon.
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
Gildenhott for the win. Quite.
Spanish Paprika looks way too much like Kim Cattrall. I agree with the "gandmother" comment from earlier. So, she's out of here. Not to mention, a white Don King lookalike should never win anything, except for a free boot to the crotch. Quite.
Grenade Tosser looks a bit like a gaybag. Also, while hit hott looks good now, the future I see for her includes a trailer full of twinkies while the folks at the Jerry Springer are using heavy equipment to cut her then-"Jabbesque" frame out. So, they're gone too. Quite.
So, that leaves us with Rosencrap and Gildenhott. Rosencrap has that ability to make me want to bludgeon someone to death. Also, it looks like he has "Cocksucker's Cramp" for God's sake. Also, Gildenhott needs to become my future ex-wife. Quuuuiiiite.
Quite.
Spanish Paprika looks way too much like Kim Cattrall. I agree with the "gandmother" comment from earlier. So, she's out of here. Not to mention, a white Don King lookalike should never win anything, except for a free boot to the crotch. Quite.
Grenade Tosser looks a bit like a gaybag. Also, while hit hott looks good now, the future I see for her includes a trailer full of twinkies while the folks at the Jerry Springer are using heavy equipment to cut her then-"Jabbesque" frame out. So, they're gone too. Quite.
So, that leaves us with Rosencrap and Gildenhott. Rosencrap has that ability to make me want to bludgeon someone to death. Also, it looks like he has "Cocksucker's Cramp" for God's sake. Also, Gildenhott needs to become my future ex-wife. Quuuuiiiite.
Quite.
# posted by : 11:35 AM
: 11:35 AM
I have to go with the Grenade tosser simply on the caliber of the bodacious Ta-Ta's this little mandana wearing gremlin has his hands on. Ive got breast-feeding flashbacks just looking at them.
# posted by : 11:52 AM
: 11:52 AM
Grenade tosser, but damn does Rosencrapp come close. Two fine choices. And by fine I mean, I want to gouge my eyes out if I have to compare pics to determine the winner again.
Grenade, absolutely. I'd say the pre-pubescent-gangsta-wannabe look was what sold me. I've a particular weakness for such buffoonery, so in such contests I must always vote with my heart.
# posted by : 1:02 PM
: 1:02 PM
What...the hell...is this? I'm gone for a bit and this is what I return to? This sure is a strong bunch of choads for the week. Normally I can pick one out easily, but this vile stench of odorificous odiferous makes me want to puke. And by puke, I mean spew chuncks like it's my joooob. Speaking of which, I need to get back to. And when I'd rather work than look at this filth, they must be nauseating. Nah, the hell with it. Work can wait. Filth this rancid needs careful consideration.
The Torch: okay, next...
The Grendade Tosser: Mr. Pink with black nails is nearly even too short to kiss her on the cheek, but the hot factor in that pic is very strong indeed. What I wouldn't give for 10 seconds alone with her. Although 8 seconds of it would only consist of staring at each other awkwardly. It's beyond my capacity for rational thought how a disgusting piece of regurgitated foreskin like him can even get within arm's length of hotness such as her. It sickens me...next.
Rosen-whatever: Eddie Munster hairline sucking on a lollipop, sipping homo wine? I'd like to throw a Wiedemann or Pabst all over that piece of crap and make him lick it off his own skin. I think I'm gonna be sick. Have a man's drink, Nancyboy.
So in conclusion, I think The Grenade Tosser sickens me the most. He looks like one of those wirey ADHD clowns with a speech impediment we used to beat the shit out of just for being alive. I bet if you asked him how many wristbands his girl is wearing, he'd say, "Thwee!" How those fags ever end up with the hotties, I'll never understand.
Deuche Baggilo
The Torch: okay, next...
The Grendade Tosser: Mr. Pink with black nails is nearly even too short to kiss her on the cheek, but the hot factor in that pic is very strong indeed. What I wouldn't give for 10 seconds alone with her. Although 8 seconds of it would only consist of staring at each other awkwardly. It's beyond my capacity for rational thought how a disgusting piece of regurgitated foreskin like him can even get within arm's length of hotness such as her. It sickens me...next.
Rosen-whatever: Eddie Munster hairline sucking on a lollipop, sipping homo wine? I'd like to throw a Wiedemann or Pabst all over that piece of crap and make him lick it off his own skin. I think I'm gonna be sick. Have a man's drink, Nancyboy.
So in conclusion, I think The Grenade Tosser sickens me the most. He looks like one of those wirey ADHD clowns with a speech impediment we used to beat the shit out of just for being alive. I bet if you asked him how many wristbands his girl is wearing, he'd say, "Thwee!" How those fags ever end up with the hotties, I'll never understand.
Deuche Baggilo
no doubt about it: the grenade tosser. the boobies so fine, the trashy highlighted hair, the overly dimpled smile: it all adds up to a primo hot. rosencrap makes a strong argument for himself with sucking on a strawberry, but the tosser's earring and bracelet looking watch put him over the top. oh yeah, and the bandana. and the boobies.
I was hard pressed to pick a winner this week. And by winner I mean, well, shit, I just vomited bile, stomach chunks, and a bit of impacted colon on my keyboard. The reasons to choose Gildenhott and "partner" are myriad. I'll leave it at, she's the hottest hott, he's a supreme douche, and though the tosser makes a serious run.....
Fuck it all. Rosencrap and Gildenhott FTW
Fuck it all. Rosencrap and Gildenhott FTW
I'm almost glad I missed Grenade when he showed up last week.
Normally I'd give someone undergoing chemo a pass but that shirt is just criminal. Didn't I see Michael Jackson wear that back in 83? If he's not wearing parachute pants that delicious little C cup should bust him in the fuzzy yarbles with a right proper knee, the eunuch jelly.
Normally I'd give someone undergoing chemo a pass but that shirt is just criminal. Didn't I see Michael Jackson wear that back in 83? If he's not wearing parachute pants that delicious little C cup should bust him in the fuzzy yarbles with a right proper knee, the eunuch jelly.
I'm surprised so many of you think Don Rickles Jr. is douchier than Eddie Munster/Planet of the Apes gal, but to each his own -- you hockey puck!
This is fucked up. The NIght Oranger trumps these other with room to spare. I decline to vote out of protest.
# posted by : 5:19 PM
: 5:19 PM
Grenade tosser- that little piggie might look like a retard, but he knows exactly what he's doing, masquerading as a goofy, quirky, independent but still hardcore soul in order to get free grope-reign. At least he picked out a truly grope-worthy hott... all the same. The VC knew some creative things to do with grenades. All of them should happen to him.
# posted by : 5:44 PM
: 5:44 PM
Grenade tosser takes this one away. With a bullet. And a pair of boobies.
I'd like to break apart his Panic! At The Disco CD collection and use the fragments to stick under his fingernails, and the rest to cut some bacon off of his back.
And I would ruthlessly ravage his buxom bleeth like Star Jones at a Kenneth Cole shoe sale over his writhing body.
I'd like to break apart his Panic! At The Disco CD collection and use the fragments to stick under his fingernails, and the rest to cut some bacon off of his back.
And I would ruthlessly ravage his buxom bleeth like Star Jones at a Kenneth Cole shoe sale over his writhing body.
# posted by : 7:04 PM
: 7:04 PM
Good contest.
The Torch: You're full of douche trickery, Torch, but you're not on the path to becoming a true oldbag. You're on the path to becoming an idiot. So stop it. Please.
The Grenade Tosser: Like Danny Noonan, I'm filled with rage, but my mind instead started spinning the tune "Hip To Be Square" as I spread multiple editions of the style section on the floor, donned a cheap plastic raincoat, grabbed my axe and did my Christian Bale dance before chopping away. Try cupping her boobie now, you fucking pinky clownbag.
Rosencrap and Gildenhott: Ahh. What do we have here? Is it smug? Oh yes, but it is more. Much more. This is pure, unfiltered smarm. Smarm goes beyond mere smug. It's greasier, it smells worse, and it requires absolute dedication. You can't fake it, and the hotties that succumb to it rarely recover.
Smarmy Rosencrap and beautiful Gildenhott outweigh the pink boobies and the groping Tosser.
The Torch: You're full of douche trickery, Torch, but you're not on the path to becoming a true oldbag. You're on the path to becoming an idiot. So stop it. Please.
The Grenade Tosser: Like Danny Noonan, I'm filled with rage, but my mind instead started spinning the tune "Hip To Be Square" as I spread multiple editions of the style section on the floor, donned a cheap plastic raincoat, grabbed my axe and did my Christian Bale dance before chopping away. Try cupping her boobie now, you fucking pinky clownbag.
Rosencrap and Gildenhott: Ahh. What do we have here? Is it smug? Oh yes, but it is more. Much more. This is pure, unfiltered smarm. Smarm goes beyond mere smug. It's greasier, it smells worse, and it requires absolute dedication. You can't fake it, and the hotties that succumb to it rarely recover.
Smarmy Rosencrap and beautiful Gildenhott outweigh the pink boobies and the groping Tosser.
Nope sorry. I beg to differ, sirs. And by sirs, I mean fuck wits. Tosser should be disqualified because that Thing clearly does not have a penis. I reiterate for you to observe the chick-like hands, 4'11" stance, and lack of arm and facial hair. Well okay, there's a little dark peach fuzz around the mandable area, but thats because It produces a freekish and unnatural amount of male testosterone. You chaste choads just don't want to accept the heartbreak that Hayden Panatitty would rather eat pussy than suck your tiny schlong. Like you could rate her anyway, ass wads. Ye Olde has frequented many a man-hating dyke bar and seen diesels way oilier than this engine. So us douche dykes can't really be considered 'bags. We fall more under the heading of just plain "disturbing."
# posted by : 7:37 PM
: 7:37 PM
Sometimes I look at these and the winner just jumps out at me (Deathtongue being a perfect example). However, this weeks is a little bit tougher, but after much contemplation, meditation and congregation, I'm going to have to throw my hat behind Rosencrap and Gildenhott.
First off, The Torch just doesn't do it for me. The Kevin Bacon crossed with Wayne Static look, combined with Nicole Sullivan hott (major props to those who pointed that out), it's just blah. It's like he's trying too hard, and I bet he's a nice dude.
Tosser, whom at the time seems to be running away with this thing, is easy to hate. You have the pink shirt, pink belt, grenade on the side, mandana and of course the Pumpy Pillage. However, I'm going to go with my initial feeling on this guy, and that this is a breast cancer awareness party - and he is simply giving her a mammogram. I know it doesn't seem to add up, but the abundance of pink and Mulva's complete lack of bitch-splapping leads me to believe that - or at least helps me sleep better at night.
Now as for Rosencrap, yes she's very clearly paid to pose, and I'm Ok with that. Yes he might be rocking a glass of white grape Juicy Juice in a wine glass, and trying to bring back the ascot. But I guess Gunther here just pisses me off more than the others because he doesn't seem to be in on the joke. The other two you can see as folks out having a good time, but this guy has the aura of douche that surrounds him, a certain je ne sais quoi.
So, there it is, Rosencrap is the winner, only to be slaughtered in the monthly. I leave you with a quote from Dante that immediately came to mind: "If the present world go astray, the cause is in you, in you it is to be sought". YOU are the problem Rosencrap, and once your cutie finishes her arts degree from Ventura Community college, her life will move on, and you'll still be here.
First off, The Torch just doesn't do it for me. The Kevin Bacon crossed with Wayne Static look, combined with Nicole Sullivan hott (major props to those who pointed that out), it's just blah. It's like he's trying too hard, and I bet he's a nice dude.
Tosser, whom at the time seems to be running away with this thing, is easy to hate. You have the pink shirt, pink belt, grenade on the side, mandana and of course the Pumpy Pillage. However, I'm going to go with my initial feeling on this guy, and that this is a breast cancer awareness party - and he is simply giving her a mammogram. I know it doesn't seem to add up, but the abundance of pink and Mulva's complete lack of bitch-splapping leads me to believe that - or at least helps me sleep better at night.
Now as for Rosencrap, yes she's very clearly paid to pose, and I'm Ok with that. Yes he might be rocking a glass of white grape Juicy Juice in a wine glass, and trying to bring back the ascot. But I guess Gunther here just pisses me off more than the others because he doesn't seem to be in on the joke. The other two you can see as folks out having a good time, but this guy has the aura of douche that surrounds him, a certain je ne sais quoi.
So, there it is, Rosencrap is the winner, only to be slaughtered in the monthly. I leave you with a quote from Dante that immediately came to mind: "If the present world go astray, the cause is in you, in you it is to be sought". YOU are the problem Rosencrap, and once your cutie finishes her arts degree from Ventura Community college, her life will move on, and you'll still be here.
I gotta go with Grenade Tosser. Ugly/chubby/dorky dudes that try to pass as douches to be desired deserve the swiftest kicks to the groin.
She is busty, trashy Kirsten Dunst-hott and I am really jealous of the position of his left hand.
She is busty, trashy Kirsten Dunst-hott and I am really jealous of the position of his left hand.
# posted by : 10:57 PM
: 10:57 PM
Rosencrapp and Gildenhott because she IS the hott in HCwDB. The other two girls are not even close. Plus, the deranged look on Rosencrapp's face while sucking on a used rubber is priceless.
# posted by : 11:13 PM
: 11:13 PM
Grenade Tosser. You gotta give it to him, he did something right to end up in that position. Do I really have to start dressing that way to meet girls or what?
Rosencrap and Gildenhott.
Because he looks like Biff Tannen from Back To The Future. He stole a douche-mobile and went a little over 80 so he could hit the tanning bed for twenty years.
Because he looks like Biff Tannen from Back To The Future. He stole a douche-mobile and went a little over 80 so he could hit the tanning bed for twenty years.
Got throw my spunk into the Rosencrap ring. He has the orange, he has the grease, he has the hair, and he has the all too uncommon scarf. That wins the day.
As for tosser, that is more a comment on the hott than on him. If a little runt like that can grab a boob that fine who am I to begrudge.
As for tosser, that is more a comment on the hott than on him. If a little runt like that can grab a boob that fine who am I to begrudge.
# posted by : 8:45 AM
: 8:45 AM
To maintain historical accuracy, Rosencrapp is going to have his dome lopped off upon delivering the message commanding his own demise? right? it must happen, you cant go around changing history (even literary)...so please make sure he gets on that boat with the letter...As for Gildenhott, I would stab Claudius and Hamlet for some of her Strawberry Danish.
# posted by : 8:57 AM
: 8:57 AM
Grenade tosser.
That toad is wearing a pink dress shirt even Sonny and Tubbs would be too embarrassed to wear, his name is written on the breast pocket in large letters you can read from space, he's wearing an iridescent tie emblazoned with what's possibly a portion of tat-man's butt-art, and on his sleeve he wears Valentine Day's most prominent symbol of love: the detonating pineapple. He's clutching a young blonde perky hott towards him, and his face looks like he's trying to give her a shy Rockwellian kiss, but then you look at his hand and it's wrapped firmly in a Vulcan death-grip around her ample right breast, as if that gesture too, is comparable to Rockwell's theme of innocence.
His flamingo-pink jelly belt just adds to mankind's shame.
That toad is wearing a pink dress shirt even Sonny and Tubbs would be too embarrassed to wear, his name is written on the breast pocket in large letters you can read from space, he's wearing an iridescent tie emblazoned with what's possibly a portion of tat-man's butt-art, and on his sleeve he wears Valentine Day's most prominent symbol of love: the detonating pineapple. He's clutching a young blonde perky hott towards him, and his face looks like he's trying to give her a shy Rockwellian kiss, but then you look at his hand and it's wrapped firmly in a Vulcan death-grip around her ample right breast, as if that gesture too, is comparable to Rockwell's theme of innocence.
His flamingo-pink jelly belt just adds to mankind's shame.
# posted by : 11:38 AM
: 11:38 AM
Rosencrap and Gildenhott FTW.
The Tosser is exhibiting some very questionable fashion sense, but hey: the Make-A-Wish foundation gave him the opportunity to touch a boobie and he did. And he saw that they were good. The Greico virus took root at a young age and in the case of the Grenade Tosser here, it's terminal. Kapowski girl is very cute, but she is not "all that."
I agree with douche quixote: the torch is probably a decent guy. Maybe not a douche, maybe just kinda lame. Maybe he doesn't do his hair like that everyday. If she was wearing a more revealing outfit or at least one that gave you some idea of what her body looked like, she might be the hottest. Torch's girl is pretty ("yeah, pretty old," you might be thinking) and she doesn't look that old.
Now take a good look at Rosencrap.
Overly tan? Check
Teen Wolf haircut? Check
Sculpted eyebrows? Check
Skull covered...ASCOT??? WTF??
Here we have photographic evidence of a human being failing to properly operate a strawberry.
And that chick is sexy.
The Tosser is exhibiting some very questionable fashion sense, but hey: the Make-A-Wish foundation gave him the opportunity to touch a boobie and he did. And he saw that they were good. The Greico virus took root at a young age and in the case of the Grenade Tosser here, it's terminal. Kapowski girl is very cute, but she is not "all that."
I agree with douche quixote: the torch is probably a decent guy. Maybe not a douche, maybe just kinda lame. Maybe he doesn't do his hair like that everyday. If she was wearing a more revealing outfit or at least one that gave you some idea of what her body looked like, she might be the hottest. Torch's girl is pretty ("yeah, pretty old," you might be thinking) and she doesn't look that old.
Now take a good look at Rosencrap.
Overly tan? Check
Teen Wolf haircut? Check
Sculpted eyebrows? Check
Skull covered...ASCOT??? WTF??
Here we have photographic evidence of a human being failing to properly operate a strawberry.
And that chick is sexy.
# posted by : 5:11 PM
: 5:11 PM
Although I fear it is too late and the Tosser has taken this Weekly, I have to go with Rosencrap by a mile. That picture is haunting. Rosencrap is one of the few douches--well, the only douche, this hasn't happened before--that I actually try to quickly scroll psot and avoid looking at so that my mind remains free of the image of his douchey mug. The Tosser's amusing, but nowhere near as infuriating as this one. An absolutely tantalizing brunette hott with some bizarre skull scarf thing-wearing scrote who for some reason fits my mental image of what Chewbacca would look like if you waxed him head-to-toe with the exceptions of eyebrows and this choad's hairdo. This guy is a different kind of douche from the laughable Tosser and the typical ostentatious Torch. This is the rarer breed of 'bag, one with a brand of doucheyness I can't quite put my finger on. All I know is that it's deeply unsettling.
Hottest hott. Biggest douche. R&G all the way.
Hottest hott. Biggest douche. R&G all the way.
# posted by : 6:11 PM
: 6:11 PM
The Torch is rather ridiculous.
I get the feeling that both the Tosser and Rosencrap got lucky to pose with hotts in set-up situations. That's a good thing, because if Blondie McBoobstein was really with this cartoon douche, my brain would explode in a series of aneurysms like a brick of firecrackers.
That being said, it should be obvious that Rosencrap is a larger threat to sweet brunettes like this one. So Rosencrap it is.
I get the feeling that both the Tosser and Rosencrap got lucky to pose with hotts in set-up situations. That's a good thing, because if Blondie McBoobstein was really with this cartoon douche, my brain would explode in a series of aneurysms like a brick of firecrackers.
That being said, it should be obvious that Rosencrap is a larger threat to sweet brunettes like this one. So Rosencrap it is.
I'm not sure why Grenade is getting so much douche love. He has a smirk on his face that says to me "I'm never getting this lucky again"
Rosencrap, on the other hand, has the arrogant bastard sneer necessary for REAL douchedom.
The key to Rosencrap winning is the arrogant bastard sneer (ABS) and the cutesy candy-between-the-teeth. That combo is unbeatable.
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Rosencrap, on the other hand, has the arrogant bastard sneer necessary for REAL douchedom.
The key to Rosencrap winning is the arrogant bastard sneer (ABS) and the cutesy candy-between-the-teeth. That combo is unbeatable.
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