that was pretty damn funny. but this guy needs to get suicide bombed, asap. mother of god.
 

Generally you only get popups from sites you visit, so if you're getting an abundance of gay porn pop-ups, stop visiting hotmale.com or buy a decent pop-up blocker. I really don't want to picture a 90 year old man playing with anyone's balls.

I agree BCS, let's send this guy off to Isikandriya wrapped in a shirt that says I hate Al Qaeda and see what happens.
 

So, he prefers it if his "girls" stand when they take a piss? I thought I spotted an Adam's Apple on this "Hott".

I guess he ran out of Miller Lite, and had to switch to that Bud Light. I guess the next photo of him he will have Milwaukee's Best Light, or Old Style... what a dipshit.


Quite.
 

He hates overly gay guys but loves the semi-gay ones. I smell projection.

Dirty Douche needs to die.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

"sand on my genitals"

I'd like to see someone go all Sol on this guy and rub little sandbaskets all over his assneck. Then tie him to the pier for hightide and let the fishes eat at him. And whatnot. Noonan would be in the background stepping on pissclams.

-JCD
 

Someone please send the Taliban and Al Qaeda this tool's home address and plate number.

"picture a 90 year old guy playin wit my balls....ya. overly gay guys. gay popup porn. 2nd round in sex with a limp dick."

That sounds like a memory he hasn't quite repressed, doesn't it?

Immediate ascension to HOS, I say.

And fuck Fish Slap.
 

@anon: I love Sol Rosenberg.
 

... and Jesus weeps.

This much is clear: I. Fucking. Hate. This. Guy.
 

I DON'T LIKE:

DOUCHEBAG ginny fucks. guidos that fist pump. scrotes that paint themselves orange. clowns that post this stupid shit on facebook.


Screw you, you clown shoe scrote.
 

And who doesn't hate that bothersome distance of the ass to the vagina? It's like running a friggin marathon to get from one to the other.
 

i personally love the distance between the ass and the vagina. Its one of the first qualities i look for in a woman before pursuing a relationship with her.

the alpha douche
 

I can only assume this period stain speaks from experience, as in he's experienced what he doesn't like. Beastiality. Hairy nipples.

Nice rainbow boat you little queer. The S.S. Pearl Necklace.

I also like the Precious Memory collection in the background.

Also, nice cheek zits and chin pubes.

Fuck. I hate this guy.
 

Uh... no one has yet commented on the asspirate ship in the background.

I'm disappointed, guys.
 

Furthermore, if you're experiencing a "bumpy area" of a g-spot, you've hit herpes.

And what the fuck are "ass crusties?"
 

Sooo... the rainbow ship in the background is not overly gay?
 

"the bumpy region of the gspot."

when i read this twat's sentence above, i had to laugh. the g-spot IS a bumpy region. it's not smooth. the entire area is bumpy.

this kid needs a bat to the head STAT.

did we ever get a link to his facebook page?
 

@POO:

I gotcha covered on the Good Ship Lollyfuck.
 

Ease up guys hes at his grandmothers house, shes sitting in the backroom!!
He just brought over his sister for a visit with granny, what an asshole of masterful proportions
 

This clown is now joining Brett Ratner-- the douchiest director ever to screw up two great franchises-- on the list of people who, come what ever consequences, beatings, prison, physical contact with a level of grease no one should have to deal with, I WILL punch squarely in the nuts if I ever come across his path. Perhaps not the most terrifying threat coming from a random, non-tough nerd, but I will go through with it.
 

I've given this careful thought and I think it's time for another Epic Poem, DB1. I promise not to plagiarize an Iron Maiden song this time. Maybe put it off to the side so we can have time to work up a good one.
 

"All aboard the S.S. SSSSSSSSUPER!!! I mean fuck you, fags."
 

fuck!!, the more I read about this tool the more im sick
"fat ass girlz that wont stop callin him"
because they know he likes em
 

If he's so tired of fat and ugly chicks calling him to fuck then why the hell did he fuck them in the first place and give them his number?
 

he's funny!
 

i part of me admires when some people truly don't give a fuck
 

after scrolling down and finding part 1, this guy really needs to be exterminated from the earth. this guy also proves that looks aren't everything. in his pictures he is not that offensive, a level 1wigger douche at best.

but reading his words, it is clear that his soul is like the greater part of east cleveland. ugly, vacant, and decaying with society's ills.

while we spend a great amount of time here judging people based on the amount of fake tan they have applied, or the goofy hand gestures they have made for the camera, i think posts like this are important. there is no second guessing with this guy. he is truly a douchebag. not just a douchebag, but a disgusting piece of human excremate.

douche, if you find this picture and are reading this right now, please identify yourself, and if I can make it to whatever shithole suburban town you live in, I will put you down like the disgusting, white-trash, nauseating dog that you are. on second thought, the peaceful embrace of death does not even befit such a fucking menace to humanity. i will merely deform and castrate you, so you cannot have offspring that will continue the sickness and plague you have wrought upon this earth. in conclusion, i offer you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.
 

Um, the bumpy thing on the gspot is genital warts, douche. Enjoy the swallowing sensation when a patch of caulflower springs-up in your throat.
 

@BCS:

That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of aaaaace. A friend of mine, him and her GOT IT ON, if you know what I mean.

Seriously fellas, feel free to jump on the Epic Poem bandwagon. Pfah, Darksock, Plinky (If you're still out there), BCS, Scrotebob, Douchetorious B.A.G., Mr White, Poo Convention, let's get this going again.

Also, I'm a big fan of Ginormous Boobs.
 

Is that Topanga with one of the Estevez/Sheen kids?
 

damn bcs
but maybe he can be turned and be a good upstanding citizen....
nope just go ahead and shoot him, now,... please now
 

wow this is uncommon insight...like the moment in remember the titans where the black kids and the white kids realize in the locker room that they have more in common than they thought but have a different way of expressing it...ok maybe not
some turds can't be used to make flowers grow
 

With all this cunts standards,he is never going to find a woman.Get used to internet porn douchebag.
 

@danny....so you want an epic poem regarding this stupid kid then?
 

@bcs

spot on insight...

this dude is all that is wrong with disposable society. fucking mtv morals mixed with third grade education. he's a ship adrift in a sea of hopeless preening and posturing.

holy shit. i need a drink now. and a dewalt drilled hole in my head to relieve the pressure... jesus h christ esquire, what indeed is the world coming to?
 

@Pfah:

Nope just another epic poem pic. Not of this kid, I can't take anymore. I'm thinking a nice Havasu pic or maybe a Rehab pic. Possibly a fratchoad or a musclehead in da club. Really whatever DB1 wants to roll with is cool with me.

You know you miss epic poems. If a normal, Plinky-sized post is 4 mile run, epic poem is a marathon.
 

danny noonan
And I thought I was the only guy who liked epics. Ok, good, I'm on board as well.

And at second glance, there is a terrible, horrible, tiny possibility that I know this bag. Very, VERY small chance. But shit, the probability isn't 0, and that worries me. Can we get a link to this guy's facebook page or what?
 

I am not going to lie, I found this pud's post to be incredibly hilarious. Ass crusties? Back and forth between your everyday tangibles such as eye patches, clams and hard unchewable steak, to utterly unprofound sexual inuindo's such as a 90 year old man playing with his balls. I am not sick of this kid yet.
 

For real, I definately want to friend this guy...then make a Facebook group about him...
 

@danny.....sounds good brother. i'm in. to practice, i tried one about this stupid kid. here it is:

In front of his bathroom mirror,
Outside of his Mother’s bedroom,
In the trailer park village,
Surrounded by empty cans of Bud Light,
Stood He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks.
All the air was full of AXE and mothballs,
All the fat bitches had left for home,
And before him,
Through the cloud of his hangover,
Westward toward the Krispy Kreme,
Beyond the hairy vaginas and ass crusties,
Passed the ear infections, the gay porn,
Lay secret mad money.
Bright above him capo status,
Aiming high and shooting higher;
Not chasing girls,
But replacing them;
Awash in personal glory;
Proper bitches pop a squat,
Pissing until their reflection shimmers,
Every crooked tooth,
All the yellow teeth shined.
From the brow of He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks,
Began sweat beads,
As the fog from bitches that fart in front of him lifted,
And the sand surrounding his balls itched;
With a wince of regret,
With a look of shame,
As of one who in a vision
Sees what is to be, but is not,
Stood and waited a girl with a lot of freckles.
 

@Douche Vader

"If Andrew gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy."
I knew you were up for an epic. I'm not sure, but I think it was a quarterly requirement on DB1's yearly projection and it's been at least three months.
 

That was awesome Pfah. Now if your next one can work in a few 80s Seahawks references, we'll be money.
 

Nothing says "Mad Money" and class like Bud Light cans, stick-on plastic earrings, acne, and cellophane covered cigars.
 

I would beat the shit out of this idiot with a sledgehammer, but he just wouldn't notice.

The only hard unchewable steak here is his necrotised brain.

Fuckin tool.

Everything he says proves how much of an asshole he is. Inflated self-worth dripping from every grammatically incorrect sentence. I hope for the sake of humanity he has no friends.
 

this has to be a farce...his intellect and perception varies far too much from line to line to be the same dude...it's a smart guy pretending to be a dumbass...

Army of Douche-ness
 

I think it's great how he hates private profiles. If he didn't, we wouldn't be sitting here laughing at him. What a tool.
Poo, you have it right.
"girls that pop a squat and take a piss" - i take that as meaning he doesn't like girls that poop and urinate. That would eliminate exactly 100% of the female gender. So by default he is gay.

I like how he throws random completely unrelated items like "tarantulas" in a sentence.

"Jack" from "Will and Grace" called; he wants the coat he used to wear in 1989 back.

I like how he hates acne on girls but his face looks like pizza. I would think a person would wait for his balls to drop first before sounding like a tough guy.
 

not white
 

He doesn't like beastiality or ear infections? What a weirdo.
 

this trenchcoat maf-o-douche is making a serious play to be #1 f.t.w non-orange scrote.

but i gotta admit, the kid has got a lot of legitimate gripes...
 

YO THIS IS MY BOY! YOU ALL BEST STOP HATING ON CAPO-K HERE OR YOU WILL ALL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS! BITCHEZ. YALL JUS HATIN ON US PLAYAZ. I KNOW THE STORY ABOUT THE 90 YEAR OLD MAN PLAYING WITH THIS PLAYAZ BALLZ AND IT AINT EVEN SUMFIN TO LAUGH AT. ITS TRAMATIC. YOUVE ALL BEEN WARNED...
 

The douche doth protest too much, methinks.

Particualrly in regards to gay porn and shit.
 

hi randy. nice you see you're still a raging asshole.
 

That can't be the real RANDY, can it?
 

HOS worthy. The hott might be lacking, but he clearly compensates for it by mentioning ass crusties.

Facebook link anyone?

Eurobag
 

i dunno Mitch. but let's roll with it.
 

I know RANDY, sir, and you are no RANDY. RANDY does not use ghetto slang like replacing the 's with a z. RANDY would not talk to everyone without some condescending remark about how we want to be him.

In short, you are a RANDY imitator.
 

How come Ran-douche didn't spell "lawyers" with a "z?"

Anyone who talks like this, much less types like it, is as big of a douche as the cum stain that started this blog.
 

WHAT ARE YOU FAGS TALKING ABOUT. THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY! RANDY @ B96FM! REPRESENT!
 

My only solace is the knowledge that this pus-infected scrote-sac will surely die a horridly vicious death in some draconian nursing village, while lying in a puddle of his own putrid waste, at the hands of an untrained 400-lb gorilla-like "health care worker".

Penniless. Alone. Crying out in absolute fear and terror as he meets his maker.

It's only right and proper, folks.

Ordinarily, I consider elderly abuse to be one of the biggest atrocities of today's society...but in this fucking turd's case, it is a mandate that should be included in our Constitution.

*whew*
My head hurts.
 

OMG!!! WEVE BEEN WARNED!!ONE!!1.

i don't even know where to start, there's just so much to pick from so i'll start with my favorite:

"2nd round in sex with a limp dick." heh, and here i thought he was trying to make himself look good. you might want to try sucking your partners dick if you want to go another round. maybe a little ball fondling, ass tickle, etc.

"the distance of the ass to the vagina."
soo...you prefer to distance from the ass to balls? i've never seen a heterosexual male rag this much on women. take some pamprin, it'll help with your pms.

"picture a 90 year old guy playin wit my balls"
no, i will not. i think you need to frequent those gay pron sites more often, that's not a healthy fantasy.

heh, and speaking of ass zits, homeboy needs some proactive for his crater face. he'd still look like he had an ass attached to his neck tho. and for the love of god please please drink some -real- beer. playa.
 

RANDY:

My compliments to TJ and Jessika. How's the DJ-spooge-cleaner-upper-guy job treating you?

PS, I'm wearing Levis right now.
 

not randy. but this fucking cracked me up:

I KNOW THE STORY ABOUT THE 90 YEAR OLD MAN PLAYING WITH THIS PLAYAZ BALLZ AND IT AINT EVEN SUMFIN TO LAUGH AT. ITS TRAMATIC. YOUVE ALL BEEN WARNED...
 

@bcs.....a quick question:

what comes between you and your Calvin's?
 

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW ABOUT THAT STORY FAGS?!?! IT WAS MY 90 YEAR OLD GRANDFATHER THAT DID IT ONE NIGHT AFTER THE CLUB WHEN WE HAD A DRUNKEN SLEEPOVER. B96FM WHAT! REPRESENT!
 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA drunken sleepover. what up frat girls. go suck on your grandpa's dick wanker.
 

Holy fuck. I am just going to pretend I never saw or read any of this. I am going to pretend that I do not believe mankind is de-evolving. I am going to pretend that there is hope for our species. I am going to walk away slowly and whilst whistling "The Fishing Hole" softly to myself. Randy and Harvey Ball-Banger Douche are not real... these people are not real... it's just a joke... No one could be that lame...

*sigh*

Sometimes i really wish people could take the law into their own hands like in the old days when you could just stone to death anyone who is a menace to the human gene pool.
 

I second that. Randy, go smoke your granddaddy's pole. Represent a homosexual.
 

i'm with you queen, time for some chlorine in the gene pool. maybe if we could just convince our female kind to stop fucking these bags we would see them start to shrivel up and die.
 

@danny

uhhhh oh yea, YALL JUST WANT TO BE JUST LIKE RANDY! AFTER MY INTERNSHIP ILL BE THA ASSISTANT DICK JOCKEY....I MEAN DISK JOCKEY! B96FM WHAT!
 

So no one is going to comment on how this girl doesn't qualify as a "hott" in any measure? Anyone? Bueller?
 

i'll go there.

you're right. she's not hot. it looks to me like her father was the Cheshire Cat.
 

This.fuckin.guy. Wow. I would like to come out of the left side of this picture with a full-on, Barry Bonds roid swing into his fuckin fish lips with a big, floppy glittery-pink dildo.

How come this Turd Burglar always talks shit about brunettes; yet he's been picture with them both times? This one's take-upstairs-to-mom cute, too. Where's her father? He's 1. touched her 2. out of the picture 3. a horrible parent for letting her hang out with this colostomy bag.

DB1, I DEMAND that this guy get a swift punt to the taint right into the Hall of Scrote immediately. I think I've got some support behind my demands, here.
 

@ pfah

that was amazing. My monitor thanks you for the Sunkist and Snicker bar fragments I spat at it.

well played my friend
 

My vote's on the Hall of Scrote.
 

"ugly as s@#t"

The guy fucking cursed throughout the rant, but wouldn't say "shit"? Fucking cunt.

He also has one of the worst haircuts I've seen in years. It screams "white trash supercuts".
 

Bitches and Drinks does not look the part. I imagine Peaches or JP saying that, not this Gamestop employee.
 

I'll bite: she's not hot. She's barely cute. And I wouldn't call her a brunette, either.

"Red on the head,
Like dick on a dog.
Ugly in the face,
Like shit on a log."
 

@danny noonan

I'd be ready for some epic poem throw downs.

As far as this chick goes, hey, she's cute enough. I'd do her, mostly for the sake of trying to retrain her to rejoin humanity after hanging out with this human skid mark.
 

If there was a better metaphor for this kid, I know not...Behind him his Galleon Of Gay Pride slowly sails silently away into...his Mom's crystal collection.
 

This guy is an infection. He is evidence of all that is wrong in this world. The sole fact that he is still alive is proof that there is a god, and he is merciful... With all the bile and asinine filth this fucking retard spews I really would appreciate it if someone would kidnap him and tie him naked to a tree in Alaska with a heaping pile of raw salmon in his lap. A horrific death is all this fish-lipped genetic defect deserves. I hope his trailer park gets smashed by an F-5.

Hall of Scrote is definitely in order for this one.
 

the chinpubes are so heinous that the otherwise normal hair on the side of his head is recoiling in horror..no, receding. thats the word i was looking for.

Cant see, cal...cuz of...all the gayness..
 

When I was a kid, my mom always tried to instill in me the idea that there is good and beauty in every person. Apparently she never came across this particular flavor of shit sandwich. This choad embodies all that is soulless and wrong in this society, and by soulless and wrong, I mean douchey. What a pathetic monster. Although this psychadelic ass-pirate certainly warrants HoS status in light of his accompanying verbage(though certainly not for the pics alone), I hope he doesn't make it. He seems like someone who has never had any particular distinction in life. I think we should do our part to keep the pattern going.
 

He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks, is not your run o' the mill leathered scrote.

He not only encompasses that which is poopery in the aesthetic sense, but also in a pragmatic sense. "He Just Bangs Bitches" is fully aware of the effect that his rhetoric of douchebaggery will have on a facebook audience. This is evident from his own awareness of other's facebook exhibitions, including but certainly not limited to the "pop a squat" urination reference.

Some of the douchebags on this site perhaps are caught in a moment of uninhibited intoxication, however this particular scrote is fully aware of his actions and goes well beyond the efforts of previous 'bags to promote human fecality. I propose an immediate honorary indoctrination into the Hall of Scrote.
 

How could grandpa NOT play with his balls? If the damn kid's going to be over all the time, you better believe grandpa's got the right.

RANDY, WE MISSED YOU... like I miss my hemorrhoids.

"I just bang bitches and drink"... pretty long list of things to hate for someone who disapproves of haters.
 

sex <----sometimes

Really? Interesting.

Would "sometimes" be referring to that hazy, ether-soaked night in an Armenian steam bath when that bald yet hirsute powerlifter with the handlebar mustache made you "smoke his tree" while his identical twin brother plowed your back forty and spun you dizzy on both of them like a rotisserie chicken? Or is "sometimes" the time you had to bribe your way out of a Central American prison by letting El Burro ream you out so thoroughly that every time you fart you have to tuck your lungs back in?

Or maybe it was just that icky time that you got girl cooties on your pee pee?
 

and whats with the 2nd round in sex with a limp dick bullshit? GET OFF THE HEROINE DIPSHIT!!
 

remember from the mid-century masterpiece Flowers For Algernon when a retarded fellow and a lab rat, representative of the human primal state, hit a crescendo of intellect and begin folding back into their primal forms until they tragically die? this is happening to the entire human race.

he just bangs bitches and drinks is the perfect example of this phenomena. Daniel Keyes was right . . .

addendum: this kid makes me physically ill. i want to punch a toddler.
 

i have to agree with sir arthur. this one just takes the cake because he can't blame the douchity of himself on being intoxicated. he just -is-. that alone should put him in HoS. we haven't seen this kind of dbness in action since the aussie 15 year old party thrower. i would really love a link to this facebook profile.
 

Stop, you had me at WHORE.

I love the romantic type.
 

Man, this kid is pure scrote.
I can't believe some of the shit that he wrote.
Found on Facebook, no less
DB1, my movement please bless
Straight to HoS with this one with no vote.
 

This dude has gone and made me all self-conscious; now I'm going to go sand down my g-spot. With a penis.

anon 4:16; you rock
 

I DON'T LIKE:

douchebag runts that think they're they are really fuckin important. distance of my fist and this cock-knocker's chin. losers with no personality that think they can afford to be picky about where they stick their needle-dick. people that ask me to picture a 90 year old man playing with his balls. hypocrites that have bad acne yet hate acne on others. malnourished choads that complain about homosexuals when they have a huge souvenir from gay pride day hanging not 2 feet behind them. idiots who act like they have "taste" but drink carbonated horse-piss in a can and call it beer.
 

Talayatu said...
This clown is now joining Brett Ratner-- the douchiest director ever to screw up two great franchises-- on the list of people who, come what ever consequences, beatings, prison, physical contact with a level of grease no one should have to deal with, I WILL punch squarely in the nuts if I ever come across his path. Perhaps not the most terrifying threat coming from a random, non-tough nerd, but I will go through with it.


I would like to add Paul Thomas Anderson to your list. There Will Be Blood... yeah, if I ever find you, you pole smoking douchebag. Magnolia = Terrible. And yet I somehow thought There Will Be Blood would be different. OK, it wasn't as bad as Bagnolia, but for the love of god, who the fuck is giving P.T. Anderson $$$ to make movies? That cock needs to be working at a Blockbuster and since most people use Netflix and rip shit off on the internet, I'm hoping he'd be a lonely douchebag sitting in a dilapidated Blockbuster in some shitbag town where he tries to impress nerdy chicks with his use of film school terms and then gets beaten up by the local high school jocks every weekend.

Oh, and why is it that douchebags that write shit like this on Facebook and MySpace ALWAYS have the stupidest shit in their homes? A rainbow flag pirate ship? He's a fucking "F" "A" "G" - queer.
 

You know, I hate to be a contrarian here, and maybe I'm just in a good mood, but I'm not feeling much hate for this guy. The thing is, it's all an act, he's not particularly annoying. As others have pointed out, he's not outwardly douchey, but this proves one thing: it's easy to be a badass on the internet. You can throw up picture of you with some girl in one hand, a Bud Light and what appears to be a blunt in the other, but that doesn't make you a badass, it makes you a sad little kid.

Look at the background, dudes hanging out on the couch, he seems to have some mysterious floating boat behind him, and the "diamond" in his ear isn't blinging, and is thus probably fake. The guy is really nothing, he's losing his hair, he's a skinny white kid from someplace in Iowa trying to act like a playa.

So don't hate on this guy, feel pity for him. He clearly has issues with who he is, what he's about, and what his station in life is.
 

you are all on crack. THAT IS FUCKING POETRY. +100 awesome. i'm all for 'bag mocking, but this...it has a touch of genius. rant on, dude.
 

@douche quixote:

I'm sorry but this douche is clearly at some other guys house, picking on random chicks that he meets. But I think it's what you say makes you a douche. And this kid is a douche because of what of the random shit he pulls out of his ass. I mean seriously, if somebody said this right in front of you, would you say "Hey, he seems like a nice guy."

I certainly would not

He is the captain of the douches.
 

Andy Pettitte?
 

i know its a lost cause at post 97 but i wanted to talk about the "hott" in the photo...bag not withstanding she is undeniably cute, but in a way that i fear bodes poorly for her future...her features are somewhat exageerated and in the apple of youth combine to be unique and endearing, but even absent a bleething i see age filling in a certain "oh gawd no" element to her looks that not even a recently released inmate could lust...i ask because as i get older i see this more and more when i come across the bleeths of my youth and am forced to pay demi-respect to the past when i once lusted them, while looking for an escape route to avoid any contact further than oursory reminiscence
 

He hates "the distance of the ass to the vagina"? As if any of those bitches he bangs could do anything about it. I guess all women in the world should immediately have a taintoplasty just to please this guy.
Don't hate on the taint, acnefied swisher sweet smokin' ring-bearing cheap-ass beer drinkin'low rent Charlie Sheen douchebag.
 

I don't know about you guys, but I break out the micrometer for precise measurements of taint whenever I meet a new lady friend. If that whore is so much as a nanometer off spec, her ass is out the door.
 

I think I know this dude...
 

i guess if your double teaming a girl because you and your best bud have yet to come out to each other
that few extra millimeters of separation can seem like miles
 

Well I hate guys with daisy earrings! Are those your parents on the couch in the next room?

Come on, that's clearly your parent's house, or else you have a certain way with interior decorating.
 

cool dude
 

Someone needs to tell this bag that Bud Light is not drinking. It's taking your dad's last beer from the fridge when he's gone for the weekend.
 

Hates gay popup porn but loves to pose for pictures with the "HMS Homosexual" sailing into the sunset in the bachground.

The gay pride flag as sails for a nautical vessel? Genius.

But I gotta agree with him on the hatred for flat asses
 

Hates gay popup porn but loves to pose for pictures with the "HMS Homosexual" sailing into the sunset in the background.

The gay pride flag as sails for a nautical vessel? Genius.

But I gotta agree with him on the hatred for flat asses
 

BvG - ...while his identical twin brother plowed your back forty and spun you dizzy on both of them like a rotisserie chicken?

Fuckin' genius, man. I doff my cap to you.
 

"rain in your hair when you have gel in there?" so eloquent, and by eloquent i mean super douchey.
 

im actually a fan of this guy. i would like to be his riend and study his mastery
 

Dude...this guy is a class a-1 FAG if you didnt hear, hes a fag. I personally, would like to reach down and twist his sewn-on plastic balls until they come off. This fag should burn at the stake, with the rulers of the world watching as the first thing they light on fire is his pinprick surgically-placed dick. This douche just picks up random chicks at the parties best friend, Gay McGAy hosts and poses for pictures. Then he goes home to his cardboard box, where he writes stupid-ass poetry on his elmo I-can-write desk about the Vagina and what he's guessing it looks like. This is a taste of my pure, undaunted hatred for scum-fuckers like this, as my hatred for this particular specimen is too acidic for words. FUCK THIS DOUCHEBAG AND ALL THE PARASITES THAT INHABIT IT. (P.S.) The SS IMA HOMOGAY is leaving, ya better catch it so you can sail off into your plastic sunset and live the fantasy life that you keep writing poetry about
 

I was away from the site for a while and I missed this guy. I can't decide if that is a good or bad thing. He is not describable.
 

I wish more people would tell me on their Facebook profile whether they like sand in their genitals or not.

I mean, how else are we supposed to know if you don't tell us?? I'm not a mindreader, people.

I say Kudos to you, Bangs and Drinks. Kudos.
 

You really can't blame this bag of vinegar for his um, poetry, if he's writing it while drunk... and you can't blame him for being drunk because you would be too if you had to cope with the cruel, stale Bud Light smelling, zit popping, gel dripping, porn surfing, crying yourself to sleep existence that is his life.

The only humane thing to do is put this poor kid out of his misery. Instead of merely numbing the pain with with a steady stream of cheap canned beer, help him finally escape and leave this miserable life behind. He's just one tire iron to the greasy forehead away from liberty. You can help. God bless you.
 

THIS GUY GOES TO UMASS AND HE IS THE BIGGEST LOSER, ACTUALLY HE IS STILL A VIRGIN! COMMON BABAK STOP MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF..
 

Man there are some real losers on this site; where else would you find people who spend hours browsing other guy's mysapce/facebooks and post comments about their physical appearance...just because these are the same guys that picked on you in high school doesnt mean youll get back at them by posting shit you dont have the courage to say in person
 

I know this kid and hes got that hustle shit well down...makes mad money...hence the bitches
 

Ode to "Gets drunk and gets banged"

On to the real fun...
Dear DickBasket,

1. No more talking about brunettes, just shut up and take what little you can get. For that matter you are not allowed to say anything about physical apperances period. You look like Vince Vaughn's skinny cousin with down syndrome, no offense to DS sufferers.

2. I bet watching scary movies is you idea of dangerous, please don't act like you are James Dean or something.

3. "the distance of the ass to the vagina"...hmmmm, thats called a taint....hmmmm, you are a taint. I see why you lie, you hate yourself.

4. The girls that won't quit calling are the ones you have a chance with, the ones who just want to dance are really telling you to leave them alone, albeit nicely.

5. Gay Porn, Gay Porn Popups, Old guys feeling your balls, overly gay guys, Butt Pirate ship in the background??? Exactly, I can hook you up with my friend, hes gay but not overly gay, just like you like them.

6. Last, but not at all least, "sex <--- sometimes", bumpy part of the g-spot, and 2nd round limp dick??? BUDDY!!! You will be lucky if you get missionary postition.

I proudly proclaim you, even through the thick crowd of grease and orange, a fucktard amongst douchebags. I vote for HoS.

PS I'd fuck her, but no shes not hott.
 

I'm glad he made it a point to note that he dislikes gay porn. Because there are so many normal straight men out there who LOVE gay porn. You know, like me. Straight, but I'm addicted to gay porn. Oh yes.

Now, cutting the sarcasm, I really didn't understand what made this guy a douche. When I looked at him, he was wearing normal clothes and, while he didn't certainly wasn't someone I was gonna go drinking with, he didn't seem like a bad individual. And then I started reading.

In short, this is why we need lynch mobs. I just learned how to tie a noose the other day. I'd enjoy putting my new found skill to use.
 

You dudes crack me (most consistently) up! While I enjoy a good douche-bashing as much as the next average frustrated chump, I have decided to intervene in this little lynch-mob of yours. This young man, during his teen years, was likely a sensitive "nice guy" (aka "dateless wonder") and has since discovered that a jerk attitude is a faster panty-remover than alcohol. Under the macho bluster lies a foundation of social psychological seduction that affects females at a primal level. In this case, young party girls. Note the massive confidence he promotes himself with. Anyone can apply his various promotional techniques without being an *actual* jerk. I could borrow and tailor his essay to my own specs, just to see what responses it gets at a dating site. I think it would be a fascinating experiment.

You commentators here at this site need to re-frame things and take a hard look at just what prompts such vitriol for supposed douchebags. It's fun to deride them when you are out on the town with a date, but to be a 40-year-old virgin in a remote mountain cabin typing a manifesto about scrotes... you are doing it all wrong. ;-) Despite all your logic and high-minded ideals; the world is a decidedly unfair place. That is the one thing you should be counting on. If average geeks like you could attract hotness - how unfair would that be? I believe you can learn to do it - but only if you really want to. Attitude and technique can beat looks and money when it comes to attracting women.

I'm going to share with you some resources that have helped me greatly. I only wish I had a time machine to go back and advise my younger, more foolish self - with a good swift kick in the ass! Don't let the scent of douchbaggery or misogyny scare you, for there is much testosterone scattered on the road to success with women. That asshole giving you advice might be privy to deeper truths than you are ready to accept. You will find yourself studying the techniques of guys that used to steal your love interests away. Once you are out in the field, you will also face much rejection by women, but you will learn from it, and not to take it too personally. Success involves your whole life changing for the better.

For starters, have you seen the reality TV show "Beauty and the Geek"? It is a lighthearted romp about how awkwardness with women can be transformed into self confidence and social skills. Not a whole lot of substance to it, though.
http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/beauty-and-the-geek

If you are a virgin male in your 20's or older, there is a book you must read to first frame your predicament:
"Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment" by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin is out of print, but partly transcribed online.
http://www.angelfire.com/ab6/polepino/toc.html

Wayne Elise and Johnny fly all over the world teaching courses in the art of seduction. Watch the UK TV show "Seduction School" on YouTube. You will have warm fuzzy feelings by the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DYn4-h3Cnk

The Tom Leykis Radio Show
The first asshole to guide me like a dad. Thanks Tom!
http://www.blowmeuptom.com/

Note: a P2P file-sharing program like Ares will assist in procuring any of the following media.
http://aresgalaxy.sourceforge.net/

I recommend you search for anything by David Deangelo, whether video audio or text. He is the MAN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr3B-Lz8lgw&e
http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/dating_tips.htm

Neil Strauss is a short bald journalist and the author of the NY Times best selling book "The Game". He chronicles his undercover involvement in the "Seduction Community" to become a pick--up guru. (search for the .PDF file)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction_Community
Watch the weekly video segments on his MySpace page:
http://creative.myspace.com/design/_js/neilstrauss/mission1.html
See how some of his profile text embodies the spirit of "He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks"
http://www.myspace.com/neilstrauss

Then there is "Mystery." Search for his VH1 show from last season; "The Pickup Artist". He may rub some of you the wrong way because of his douchey flamboyant outfits. He addresses this in the first YouTube clip below. He started out a skinny awkward loner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HISl-doEJdc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_vIjxtoKjk

If you want a discussion forum for this topic, go here (and read the Beginner FAQ)
http://www.fastseduction.com/

Hope I helped. This is my first-time post on here. I'll check back for responses and aspire one day to be in your douche-hottie pics. hehe
 

No piece of literature has ever moved me the way this has, and by moved I mean made me want to plunge a knife into my chest after taking a bath in boiling acid. God, this tool needs a life. I wonder if he realizes that he is no prize himself. I'm a woman, and if this douchebag ever approached me, I would hold up a crucifix, throw holy water on him, and scream at the top of my lungs, all while trying to drive a stack through his heart.

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
 

Buffy, so naive yet so bitter. I wasn't targeting my post to the feminist man-hater community. Maybe I should copy an abridged version to a fresh thread so it can get real responses from the guys it was meant for.

I'm glad you realize the fastest way to my heart is with a "stack" (of pancakes or perhaps juicy "steak" medium-rare... mmmm) The word your spellchecker was looking for was "stake." Off to the kitchen where you belong and stop mouthing off - I'm trying to spread the good word! If you don't have anything to add to the discussion but snarkiness and poor spelling...
never mind, you are in the right place.

In your hypothetical meet-up scenario I would approach you romantically only if I was after your hot friend and you were the cockblock. Although, I imagine you mainly hang out with angry bulldykes. You DO have friends that are not online? (insert cricket sounds emanating from unloved vagina)

You do sound pretty kinky, into water sports and screaming (not moaning.) I'll bite; you got a MySpace page or something?
 

Please excuse me. I need to go see a plastic surgeon because I've become self conscious about "The distance of my ass to my vagina". WHO THE FUCK HAS EVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?!?! Well, no one has. Except our wonderful He just bangs bitches and drinks!! Wow. Oh, I have to go now. It's that time of the day where I clean out all of my ASS CRUSTIES.
 

He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks has hit on a critical issue here (besides drinking and banging.) The distance of the vagina to the ass might be a metaphor regarding the reluctance of women to have anal sex. Or perhaps he laments the short distance between his nice playground and the sewage outlet hole. However, medically, the size of the taint or "perineum" is significant especially for men.

From Wikipedia:
"The anogenital distance is a measure of male feminisation measuring the distance between the anus and the base of the penis. Studies show that the perineum is twice as long in males as in females. Measuring the anogenital distance in neonatal humans has been suggested as a noninvasive method to predict neonatal and adult reproductive disorders."

Many common plastics release chemicals like Bisphenol A and Phthalates that mimic the female hormone estrogen. These chemicals have been found to cause all sorts of reproductive mutations in animals and a 2005 study found that human Phthalate exposure during pregnancy results in decreased anogenital distance among boy babies. Soybean products also contain an estrogen-like compound (unless fermented like soy sauce.) I am anticipating studies confirming that the feminisation of men is caused by such things as bottled water, tofu and bitter feminists. Al Gore already did the global warming issue so I think Arnold Schwarzenegger would be perfect to expose this girly-man phenomenon.

I wonder how anogenital distance correlates to behavior in women? I assume a dominatrix has a larger taint than a submissive girl. I'll need to see side-by-side comparisons. Ladies? I'm sporting a mighty large perineum. How YOU doin?

(BTW Balllicker, great name!)
 

I occurs to me that Buffy was not bashing my post, but the text of our fine douche. I knew my premises were unassailable. Boo Ya!

My posts are so potent that in this small segment
I made all of the ladies scrolling past pregnant.
Yes, sometimes my essays are sexist
But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this.
 

This guy should me pitied, not mocked. This post really makes it clear how unintelligent this guy is. I'm completely convinced that any woman who takes a picture with this guy does so because she feels sorry for him. I mean...if he's able to communicate his lack of worth and brain cells this adeptly over the internet, imagine how awful he must be in person. On a side note, after leaving the Marines I became a pacifist and I abhor violence...but this guy makes me want to rethink it. His face doth beg for punching.
 

Asap... not a real word, it's an acronym. Then again, you think college is bad and have an ego the size of New York... state. Someone should cut you.
 

Do all you guys really hate him or are you envious?
 

@Anonymous
It is most assuredly hate. There is no way to envy this pube-chin ass nugget, even if the chick is cute.
 

"the distance of the ass to the vagina"

dude hates chodes.