I see a butch ass Marine dyke humping a blue cup and a broke-ass Christina Aguilera but no 'bag...?

Her roots are showing like Pfah's crank at a Bea Arthur speaking appearance.
 

Yep. That's definitely a chick.
 

No chick has an Adam's apple or an Adam's penis for that matter. I think Alabama Becky shoulda checked her occupied uterus at the door before heading out to the local teen douche USO. Oh and paint your nails the next time you plan to go out, nasty. Looks like you just got done finger banging Britney.

Bag - "What's that smell honey?"

Hott - "Taint nuthin dear"
 

Hahaha. Well not sure what DB1's post had to do with this pic, if anything, but there shore ain't nuthing artistic about this lil' geek. Man. This guys looks terrible. What's with the upside down watering canister - is he putting out a fire in his pants? I smell roasted bag.
Please don't tell me that's a rogue Labret she has on her lower lip. Please say it isn't so.
 

I was wondering what that was on her lip myself. I thought it was some sort of herpes sore.
 

I'm digging the hell out of roots. looking a little full of his demon spawn though. Fuckin don't ask, don't tell.......Thanks Billy Clinton
 

DB1's going to hit on girls while they're peeing?
 

@ bag queen: You may be confusing him with Mr. White.
 

Queen, I think it's a stain of some sort. Every time i look into this hott's eyes i think of Queen. She is pregnant goodness.
 

Not to be a fact douche but I believe that the dot com pricks were riding their high horses in '98 and '99. The Z-3 Roadster mention is classic dotcomer though.
 

as know all see all patriot employee-anonymous xcitics to the site would point out i probably have no room to talk....but this bleeth looks about as well put together as a rachel ray recipe as perpared by howler monkeys on peyote...none of her apparel seems to be designed to be matched to any of the other choices our fine blonde hott chose...would i care...no ...but i'm good like that...femmedouche is really bizzarre i mean you have to imagine if he could grow facial hair it would be douchy....i gotta believe my winning lottery balls have a better chance of dropping in the near future than his do...
 

I think this chick has herpes.
 

i see 5'4" 145lbs of 'my body is a killing machine' g.i. bag.

and correct me if i'm wrong, but a baseline qualification to be a hott is that one's belly can't protrude farther than one's boobies. the profile shot is not a girl's best friend.
 

Since this it is of utmost importance that my love see this, I shall repost my expression of undying affection in this thread also:


pfah, Happy Valentine's Day, my sweetest.

I've been anticipating a call from you all afternoon, my darling. I've scraped my feet and shaved my bunions just like you had so passionately requested in your last letter, and I just got back from having my hair done by Mr. Randy at Salon de Venus.

He also bleached my mustache.

On this very special day, I've decided to wear that exquisite orange caftan you sent me for my 97th birthday (or was it my 96th?), while I fondly think of you and dream about the perfect evening we will spend together someday, if the fates allow such unbridled bliss. My fantasy of an Early bird dinner at Duff's Smorgasbord, followed by reckless bingo at the casino at St. Labia... Then back to my place for a quick Kaopectate stinger nitecap and a sensual Ben-Gay massage... some cuddling with my heat pad while we watch my box set of Matlock episodes and snack on Werther's Originals...

And all before 9:30.

I love the way you woo me, dear.

I'll see you in my dreams.
 

HAAHA Artbag. Thats funny. She has herpes and shes pregnant and cant dress and may be a man but I still want to do her. Im not gay though i swear.
 

@bea

I just threw up a little in my mouth. And then a lot all over the fucking place including in to my dark socks.


Classic. Gross but classic
 

Oh golly did I ever hate these fucks while working for a dot-com...one asshole (which actually looked kinda like this ArtDouche) was even such a splendid human being that he actually laughed at many of us as we were "escorted" from our emptied desks to the curb in '00...a week before Chrismas...

Hey Pussy. Guess what? I was the one that giggled to myself after leaving the globby phlegmatic mass of ichor dead-center on your windshield....I also POINTED and laughed at you openly when you tried to apply for a job at my hardware store.....
Payback's a bitch, ain't it? You were my bitch for the 30 minutes it took you to cry and chip the lunger off your car, you were my bitch at the store, and I know for a fact that you later on became the bitch of that ginormous 6'6" 240lb+ muscle queen that would hang out outside the Pendulum.
Ain't life grand?
 

Let's look at the checklist: Army hat, Quackenbush Boys Real Tree Camo shirt, USMC (maybe?) medallion (probably Merchant Marine), and a tatoo that is old school-looks-like-my-Granddaddy's-arm-after-his-stint-at-Guadalcanal-in-WWII.

Checklist complete: This "boy" is one effed-up wannabe. Six months ago he wanted to be in a rap video and now wants to be in the Army--Dick Armey that is.

Jenny McNockedup must have gotten dressed in the dark. Her hair stylist must work in the dark too.
 

Did somebody say something about urine?
 

The coin is flipped and I call no douche...he is kind of scrawny to be a bag and he is wearing a chain with the star of David...very few DBs if any sport the star...he has a bagtoo but I think it's of a muff and I like muff so he is OK in my book..the hat makes him look like one of Jerry's Kids but the douche is not that strong with this one...dirty dirty blonde looks like she got her PHD in Pole Smoking...I think I will call her cum bucket
 

Pfah: You, sir, are in for a randy evening.

Heard in passing:
"Mommy, that lady has such pretty blonde hair, why does she dye her roots brown?"
 

hes fuckin blown
 

I grasp the concept of the Artbag, but is this guy truly one? I don't know if it's only in Chicago, but the lesser term for them has become 'hipster.' Which is derived from 1984's term: 'nerd!'
All of which if you are a true meatheaded douche bag makes your head spin.
 

...And another thought, I'd like to share my douchey wet dream. In my dream there will come a day when someone through photo and the written word will capture the cowboy swagger of the urban uber douche which is the Bike Messenger.
The reason why this comes up is because bike messenger cowboy douche drinks PBR's with Artbag at the local hipster dive (which was once Grandpa's corner tavern and will be cornfed yuppie douche's next golden tee venue. All so Bike Messenger Douche and Artbag can bitch about gentrification in order to infalte their low self esteem).
Like I said, I have a dream. And I apologize if this does not translate to my Cali peers, but Chicagoans and New Yorkers understand.

Fuck Fish Slap
 

Third thought, after enlarging this picture...this guy may be the real deal. He's mason dixon line bible belt douche. He's the Ab Lobster meets Larry The Cable Guy. Tell me she doesn't look like an SMU or Texas A&M reject?
Anyone else think we have witnessed the birth of The Timmy Trans-Am Experience? T-tops sold seperately.
 

I would love it, yet be repulsed, if I were to find one day on this site an artbag of the downtown LA warehouse art scene variety stuffed into skinny leg jeans with his disgusting side pipe for all to see, and a pair of keys hanging from a carabiner flapping off his boney third world looking backside. Those goobers are just as deserving of a good mock as any quido or mcripped or any other form of douche. The jock in me wants to snap their malnourished legs like the Ultimate Warrior snaps slim jims.

I'm just saying
 

i feel you on the hipster scene adamoda to me its the young curmudgeons club...they dumpster dive the recesses of the consumer culture looking for things that can make a unique statement about their values...and end up like with pbr wrapping themselves in cliches that only black sock suburban grillmongers whith male empty nest syndrome can relate to...oh the the ironic ischemia is killing me
 

this guy has been in a lot of movies. he's the tiny scrawny soldier whose heart and perseverance wins over his fellow soldiers and the audience...then he gets gun downed and killed halfway through the movie, inspiring the rest of the platoon to overcome their differences and unite and complete their mission, despite a nearly impossible situation. he talks in a southern accent and his name is usually something like "chicken wing" or "lil' tater" and has some kind of funny back-story. in the climax of the scene, all the soldiers gather around and say "let's do this for lil' tater!" and deliver wrath upon the japanese/germans/arabs/russians.

so I say to you lil' tater, godspeed. you don't have to clean the latrines in heaven.
 

from the movie stripes...
This is pretty sweet.
Free clothing.
Look at this stuff. Chicks in New York
paying top dollar for this garbage.

once a douche always a douche
 

This douche is wearing a US Navy hat. He is trying to style with a Target camo shirt and Gold-buy the-Foot bling that was just recently purchased from the Bargin House of Flea Market located near the Huddle House out on Rt 3.
Cuzzin Becky just came over to party after she got off her shift at the Tyson Plant.
Smells like wings and douche in here.
 

you guys will not believe what happened last night.

i got home and Bea Arthur and my beautiful wife were drinking wine together! my wife says "Happy Valentine's Day sweetheart" and then gives both Bea and i a passionate kiss. it was almost too much for me to handle. mainly because Bea was wearing a perfume that smelled exactly like my Grandmothers did. that was wierd. but once i got a couple beers in me, it didn't matter.

anyway, i can't divulge too much information about last night because that wouldn't be cool. i don't kiss-and-tell. just rest assured knowing that Bea Arthur is an absolute wildcat in bed. she's also slightly hairy in odd places and snores like an ox.

i hope the rest of you had a good VDay. i'll be posting a new avatar soon that will reveal a little something about last night's shenanigans.
 

thanks pfah, for causing me to waste 4 bucks on a mcdonalds extra value meal breakfast that just hurled out of my mouth
 

i'll make it up to you in Vegas. quit your whining bcs.
 

and there goes last nights dinner.
 

Mossy Oak 'Bag
 

Damn, Pfah. Mrs. Pfah has quite the large right arm. Did she win the arm wrestling tournament at the neighborhood bar last night and got Bea as the prize?
 

@anon...it's not her actual arm. i just Photoshopped her head in there. but you make a great point. there's no way in hell i am ever letting her see this picture.
 

as long as pfah remembers it that way thats all thats important..psychologically..
rohypnols one helluva drug
 

Over/Under: 9. Venereal diseases (combined).

This makes me think of the classic redneck email: I'm writing this slow because I know you don't read so good.

I'm so proud that our best and brightest are saving us from godless communism.
 

Billy Corgan has joined the army, I see.
 

anon and d'arcy has had work done
 

Holy shit. I got abducted by aliens and had to spend over a week away from insulting bags. I tried to make the aliens understand the importance of my baghunting mission here on Earth, but they just had their minds focused on "probings."

Dirty motherfuckers. I swear if I ever see them again...

@Pfah - How is Bea's new hip working out? Is it as flexible as the commercial promised? Did you have her remove her Life Alert before, so the nice people listening in wouldn't think she's getting mugged during your romp?
 

forecast...partly cloudy with a 99% chance of fag!
 

@'ski

niiiice 1 on the Life Alert!
 

"i gotta believe my winning lottery balls have a better chance of dropping in the near future than his do..."

classic.

having spent several years in art school (and having dropped out due to douche overload) I can attest that they are some of the worst. harder to mock--there's no grease, no bling--but far more fundamentally scumbaggy.

this guy, however, is just white trash douche. I live in the South. there are plenty.
 

@ RD - thanks, man. I do what little I can for the cause.

Well, until I get the chance to drive the fire truck right through the middle of the next Axe Touch Party at full speed.
 

@ big douchebagski - did the aliens who abducted you happen to mention where flyteeth has hyper-warped off to? I miss his zen-like rantings.
 

I inquired about Flyteeth and was told that he went off on a TARMAL! bender and has since not been seen. They think, perhaps, that he might have flown too close to the sun on wings of faoak and burned.

Tragic, tragic hearings, although not proven, that left me weeping. Either that did, or the incessant anal probings and their curious interest in the maps of Hawaii I kept making in my cell.

As a matter of fact, I think they've used said maps to plan an attack on Pearl Harbor. I should really get on the horn and warn someone, but I the bottle of 'Train keeps calling and I actually just figured out that the repeated probings have turned my manhood into a cannon that fires a death ray.

I'm never going to be able to explain what happened to the cat or why it smells like burnt hair (moreso than usual) in here...
 

@anonymous posters & moby douche

That is a Marine Corps cap, and a Navy petty officer rank badge. Odds are this dude is a medic.

See? The military has its share of douchebags, too.