Mein Gott in Himmel...
 

No.


No...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

No way this is real....but I'll show it to my wife just the same and she'll probably burn her CD collection.
 

No.


No...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Throw it back in!!! Quickly!!!!
 

robert johnson,leadbelly even bb king all are playing an alternative finger f chord to you mr bluesman...this he-o-tard should be reinforced and you should be hung to the base of a helicopter by it and flown through
hollywood at rooftop level on grammy night waving while your scrote comes out your ears and your ureters poke out your nostrils
 

i reproduced my comment on this pic
from where it was posted in a comment section earlier...glad to see everyone get a run at this...even losing a bet cant adequately explain this...even john waters thinks this guy has bad taste in bad taste
 

Yngwie Malmsteen. I haven't heard that name in years. But he's light years better than John freakin Mayer.
 

I went home. It took some searching, but I emerged from my girlfriends cd collection with a John Mayer album. Safe to say John Mayer will never sound from that CD again. Whattafuckingdouche.
 

But it's funny because it's topical since Borat just came out and no one on the face of this planet has ever done this imitation since the movie came out.

Also, Corey Hart and the guy from Kameo would like to know if there are extra spots on this new show of yours. Turd up.
 

His body is a wonderland.

Like Alice in Wonderland - totally F*d up blue or red pill wonderland - mothers will use this picture to threaten children with what will happen to them if they don't eat their veggies wonderland.
 

I hate therefore I am.

Fuck you John!
 

sling shot man is back
shoot him now please!!
 

Don't you mean "habdouchery"? and the DB to HC ratio is horridly skewed. Purg Hotty where are you?
 

DB1's visceral hatred of John Mayer cracks me the fuck up.

Jay vs. John live at the Staples center only on PAY PER VIEW

after that display of asses below, i guess we needed john mayers pubes to even the score here today.
 

That's Yngwie J. Malmsteen, you hack.

Also - the green brings out John's eyes.
 

DB1!

what kind of cruel sadist are you?
Mayer side pube?!?!? holy hell... there's a reason porn stars have no hair.
Mayer is now poster child for electrolysis

/wretch
/dry heave
/wretch

I've just spent the last 15 minutes curled into the fetal position, whimpering like my 2 yr old daughter while dousing my eyes in rubbing alcohol. which is kind of embarrassing since I'm still at work right now. Is there no god?

Every time his side pubes are viewed, someones baby dies of SIDS.
 

Okay, hating on Yngwie? Anyone who doesn't like Yngwie Malmsteen has obviously never dropped acid.
 

Not Yngwie Malmsteen, who's next King Diamond?
 

Hate to say it, but Mayerbag looks to have a splendid package.

Wetness alert...
 

DB1, I have never seen this side of you. The flashing eyes, those pouty lips, you know something? You are ugly when you're angry. But, seriously, Spaceballs aside, why has nobody shot him in the face with a harpoon yet? It looks like this pic was the perfect opportunity.

DB1 is to John Mayer as Melissa Etheridge is to Dick. Let's add JM to list of things not to mention on here: Pfah and Bea Arthur, Pfah and jean shorts, BCS and midgets, Ed and crazy stalkers.
 

I couldn't agree with DB1 more. In fact, I think C is grade inflation. He gets an imcomplete, as in the incomplete soul he tries to use to be a real artist.
 

love me some midgets

suzzzzaannnaaa you deserved to have your uterus removed for that statement
 

Is that Borat's less talented douche spawn? Screw you Mayerbag.
 

i gotta say mayer's body is a wonderland...he dresses like stevie picks out his clothes and he is white doughy and full of artificial ingredients
 

In my minds eye I see the taut fabric breaking, slingshotting his testes through the roof of his mouth and out the skull Cobain style, with a pink Zapruder film mist hanging in the air as a crimson afterthought as the balls, trailing their sperm tubes, loft ever-higher in the air like a testicular Halle-Bopp comet of jizz and pain.

I now must bleach my eyes. And this from a guy in the throes of Mardi Gras.

@ Danny Noonan 11:49 -

Wait, you mentioned denim shorts. Didn't they die in the '80's?
 

@bcs 11:53am - Agreed.

@suzzzzaannnaaa - Fuck you, you bleethed out sow.
 

Oh Suzzzzaannnnnaaa,
Won't you die for me....

ewww
ewwwwww
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Thanks, DB1. My outie is now an innie, and I can't coax it out. I think I even heard a tiny scream from both my senses and my poor, hiding penis.
 

In all fairness to said "package," it's not unimpressive and easily the biggest clitoris I've ever seen.
 

For some inexplicable reason, the word "hamstrung" comes to mind when viewing this photo. And "Turd-thong Ted".
 

My uterus is hiding in my ribcage beside my heart, shuddering in disgust. My clitoris is seeking refuge in the depths of my brainstem and whispering "Please don't let that thing near me..." Who gives a shit about his package. Half of it is probably squeezing out his ass right now. The next thing he shits will be his balls.
 

this bag queen woman, she makes me giggle
 

not niiiicceee.
 

He's either catapulted himself ahead to Douche of the Month at light speed or he's a Jedi Master of Jackassery.

Honestly, it's hard for me to tell. These other photos are equally wrong/brilliant.

http://dlisted.com/files/images/mayerthong4.preview.jpg

http://dlisted.com/files/images/mayerthong2.preview.jpg

and this one of him actually jogging on the ship wearing his Borathong is pretty unnerving ANY way you look at it.

http://dlisted.com/files/images/mayerthong1.preview.jpg
 

It looks like an ape tried to rape a slip and slide.
 

Im so happy i found a place to share my hatred of this DoucheSqueezer ..From his annoying pouty boy next door look to that nails-on-a-chalk-board-breathy voice..I cant think of any one i hate more... barring Dave Matthews of course...i hope JM contracts a nasty case of genital warts after both of his hands a caught in a meat grinder and his voice box is ripped out by a rabid badger....... You corpse is a wonderland !
 

Dammit!!! I found this and another pic last night and was going to send it in...damn me for being a procastinator...
 

ok, i totally fucked up that last comment but i don't have the patience to explain. all i have to say is i'm just as disgusted to look at this pic as i was when i saw it last night. what the hell kind of wonderland does he live in?
 

@ all your douche...

"It looks like an ape tried to rape a slip and slide."
--fucking GREAT quote
 

Heh...

*malicious smirk*

Thanks, DB1.
 

In college, I dated a girl from Atlanta -- her most recent "boyfriend" had been John Mayer.

Every time I attempted I put my dick in her, she said, "you are just like all the other boys" and yanked herself away ...

I have no idea what this story has to do with anything, but, based on my genius intuition, I'd say that John Mayer ... had sex with her a bunch of times ... and I did not.

Good times.
 

Bernard,
She was used to dating flaming homosexuals like John Mayer. And therefor not used to males who like to stick their fun-stick all up in their guts.
And stop "dating" eight year olds.
 

Two things. First, to Mayerbag, trim it up. Seriously. It's just polite.
Second, to DB1, take Yngwie off your douche list this instant! How can you call Yngwie a douche? What has he ever done besides blowing people's f-ing minds. And I agree with Adamoda14, stay away from King Diamond. If you ever consider him for douche status, put Don't Break The Oath in your iTunes and see what happens.
 

Yngwie is a douche. It pains me to say this, as his guitar histrionics are inspirational to all. He inspired me as a young lad, and inspires me to this day. John Mayer is like so much sonic toilet paper to a fretboard virtuoso the like of Yngwie. These are facts.
But, let us delve into his scrote-like choice of fashion. His puffy pirate-shirts, bared to his mid-life paunch. The love of Ferrari-bling. The medallions hung from chains about his sweaty neck, covered in pelt. The leather pants. The over-bling of finger rings. The fact that he lives in Florida.
These all are douche-like tendancies, but he may transcend. Due to the fact that he is a certifiable motherfucking genius on a guitar. John Mayer cannot make that claim. He is a pimple on the sack of a human god like Yngwie. Forced to walk the earth tethered to reality by a crotch-sling.
 

@ Darksock - "Testicular Halle-Bopp"? You made me convulse with muted laughter...good show.

@ anon 2:32 - Is it even possible to jog in one of those things? Methinks it'd split you nearly in two with every stride (not to mention, ripping hair out all over the place)...
 

wow all of you guys really are losers for how much you post on here. i gues im reading it though which makes me even more of a loser
 

The first guaranteed weight loss system. Put this picture on your fridge, keep vomit bucket nearby. If binge is still possible, accompany with the playing of his CD.
 

So, I have a question? How many of you douchebags would put that suit on and run around the block for your friends? Anyone? Right now, I KNOW you are all answering that question with a "HELL NO!!" And you wanna know why I know this? Because ignorant douchbags such as yourselves don’t have time to do things for your friends. You are all too busy posting un-justified comments about someone you know nothing about. OR, I KNOW, I KNOW! Maybe you BOYS are just jealous. It is said that most people who talk about others do it because they are insecure with themselves. Is that true boys? Does John's package make you insecure? Bet it does...
 

@anon 2:11 -- Blah ignorant blah jealous blah insecure blah.

John Mayer's a still a douchebag.
 

anon 2:11

Thanks for dropping by John. No I dont want your autograph.
 

lol @ moondancer!
 

@anon 2:11 --

His package unsettles me, yes. Does it entice you? (rhetorical question).
 

this guy looks like Bam Margera...only exponentially gayer...our only hope is that the whore in front of him pushes him overboard into shark-infested waters...sharks with frickin lazer beams attached to their heads
 

anon if they want to see you dressed in that monstrousity then they aren't your friends...
if i made my living cleaning urinal mints with my tounge i wouldn't be jealous of john mayer...although i'll grant you i might appreciate his music more
 

Note to self:
If ever overwhelmed by the sudden urge to don a manchute and plunge headlong into the seething bowels of eternal douchebaggery, rememeber to get an all over tan first so's my blinding white ass and thighs will not contrast so horrifyingly as this douche here.
 

john mayer:douche eternal- im glad u can spell douche, im glad someone can spell it, well maybe some. anyway, what do u do to someone that would not give you a ride home...for ten bucks......that was your neighbor!!!...that (I) could kick their ass(like it matters) in 20 below weather, with a 50 degree below windchill.Email me back i gotta here jakebausco@yahoo.com besides john...anyone else, dont email me ill just delete it... get a life, go back to school, get a job, get another job, maybe volunteer. just dont reply unless u have something funny to say or u know what to pull on retards(not real handicaps) thats funny. i love u all even though i dont anyone really drunk. reply... make fun if of me if u can, thats a dare, ooohh im pretty big on the net, im 6'10" I GOTTA GO TO BED, WITH NO CHICK. ALSO THE LAST THING I HAVE TO GET OFF MY CHEST IS WHY DO A VERY CUTE GIRL COME UP AND TALK TO ME AND PRETENDS TO BE INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND THEN DENYYS MY INVITATION FOR HER PHONE NUMBER...AND BY THE WAY.... SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK.. ONLY GIRLS REPLY. WHO ACTUALLY ANSWERS THIS STUFF.
 

I have it on good authority that John Mayer likes to pee on people. Seriously.
 

Standing above vast crowds of gawking faces can plant that idea in anybody's mind...

If it's a comfort to anyone, he must've taken quite a few projectile cups of piss in his career.
 

A Borat costume. Hilarious.

Anyways, his "package" is 99% balls from a hernia he got while trying to play an original chord.