Great, bad enough we have to see them, but now they have their own smell in a can. Wonder how long until John Mayer pitches this crap?
 

the gator was one of the primary investors
 

Move over Axe and Tag... there's a new smell in Doucheland.

"Aesthetic bankruptcy" is right.


Quite.
 

"The final effect is of a masculine floralcy tattooed on to wood that lasts and lasts."

Sweet fuck.
 

DB1, when you're signing copies of your book at the release party, I think you should spray a whiff of this stuff onto the book as well. Nothing like getting the full sensory effect of HCwDB in print.
 

wait ... where was I? ... someone just invented a new word:
"floralcy"??? and DB1 just FYI I am pretty sure that "Clary Sage" was that big breasted post-op who was always hanging out at Mickeys before the fire!!
 

You'll never grow broke underestimating the intelligence of the American douche.
 

Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.

Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

Brian Fantana: Yep.

Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.

Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.

Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
 

worst idean in that market since that ck be or whatever that was if you don't know if you are male or female let alone what you like or what you want we have a way for you to spend 50 bucks...
masculine floralcy is about as evocative as female meat hammer...
ine3vitably this stuff will be used as part of a wedge promotion..old spice see its not so bad...
 

There have been some horrible things posted on this site. This is, uh, this is pretty fucking bad.

/stares off into the distance and contemplates where this world went wrong as a single tear rolls down his cheek
 

Looks like the governmnent's trying to make some money back on their chemical warfare experiments. All they did was dilute nerve toxins and sell to a crowd that wouldn't notice any new defects. Plus, for the douchebags, it's like rufees gone aerosal.
 

Damn you Heino:

Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.

Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.

Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.

Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people

Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!

News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
 

Far be it from me to start shit, but the Macy's page does taunt us collectively to "Be the first to write a review"....
 

"The final effect is of a masculine floralcy tattooed on to wood that lasts and lasts."

That's GOTTA be similar to the giant deuce I left in the crapper on Saturday morning after a hard Friday night of OE, cheap whiskey topped off by a great big, greasy burrito. With extra sour cream and avocado. 'Cept mine wasn't tattooed on wood, but on porcelain.

What else could they be talking about?
 

If only they had rounded off the top and tapered the middle; it would have made a loverly butt plug. Missed opportunities...
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Do I chase Goose with this shit or what? I never understood the whole red bull mix drink thing but then again I never understood the whole mixed drinks thing. Give it to me straight out of the bottle preferably wrapped in a brown paper bag!
 

OMFG!!! It's Sex Panther!

(I'll go back and read how many of you already figured that out later. Busy, busy baron.)
 

DS, if you do write a review of this stuff on Macy's page (and I hope to god that you do, oh please, oh please), be so kind as to post a link to it, won't you?
 

Ahh the subtle persuasive nature of ad copy....

"The result is of super refreshing mint mixed with colorful bubbles that provides a provocative edginess. Sequoia Scent Trek brings a masculine woodiness to the fragrance that is embraced by sensual Musks and a touch of Black Amber".

Translation-Rub this musty tree root shit on your dong, and you won't have to settle for smeg laced buttery trailer skank anymore, you might even score some choco-strange.

"The final effect is of a masculine floralcy tattooed on to wood that lasts and lasts"

Translation-

Your disgustingly pungent ballsweat will stop a charging rhino at 50 paces, but you'll put a 4 hr Cialis induced diamond cutter to shame...
 

Well, with any luck it causes infertility.
 

Just submitted one and Macy's in their brilliance has given me a 72 hour window to review it before posting it.

I'm fairly certain the comparison to estrous deer scent will get it nixed, that or the old fermented gym dark sock at the bottom of my locker. But here's hoping.
 

Likewise "I combined it with my AXE Snake Peel Shower Gel base, and the scent complimented my torso tats...blah blah blah"
 

Vader:

Well, I gave it a shot and reviewed this...odor on Macy's website in the same turgid prose their product description was written in; it should post in an hour or so:

http://www.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=295974&PartnerID=FROOGLE&BannerID=PD311

In the extreme likelihood that someone at Macy's actually READS the honky voodoo bullshit I wrote and erases it forever, I've copy-clipped it below. Warning: you are about to waste 1 minute that you'll NEVER get back:

TITLE: "The Scent of Deuce Badges"

"Wearing a scent is like wearing a badge. This complex parfum is like wearing two smells at once. This allusion may make no sense initially; critiquing odor is akin to dancing about architecture, but allow me to attempt to do just that.

The initial bouquet, both playfully pungent and candidly lugubrious, seduces rather than assaults both nostrils. I get a real "night smell" feeling from it; both sweet and abrasive, with a nose of vanilla, the tropical flora "hymen candida" and candy corn. However, this triumvirate of scents merges into two smells, as the former and the latter to my trained olfactory recepticles merge into one: vanilla candy corn. A vertitable cornucopia of bifurcated stereo sensuality; a binary didactic feast for the discerning nose. If carving rocks was scent making, this fragrance would be stereotomy.

The obsequious nature of this scent also alludes to both masculine and feminine hues of chromatic This dichotomy of odor is both pleasing and in harmony with nature, as we (most of us, in any case) are blessed with dual nostrils.

But even this "night smell" could feel appropriate with a tuxedo, if you wear it the RIGHT way! It's doing it the WRONG way that upsets me, like going to an Italian Beach/Pasta party with a so-called British "Blur" haircut and tight jeans. Duh! If I have time in the future, I am planning to write a dictionary on this subject. Thanks!

DO YOU AGREE, OR AM I OUT "BICYCLING"?"

I lifted the last paragraph from rubberburner.com, one of the funniest things I'd ever read on the internet until I discovered sadly that it was a viral marketing scheme by Lee Jeans' "Buddy" line. Still funny as shit though; the "PICK-UP-A-CHICK videos must be seen to be believed. Most of the douchebags on this site would order them if they could:

http://www.dodoempire.com/rubberburner/
 

This is what it has come to ..I am ashamed to admit what i do..thanks Kat n Co. and all you other TatDouches for sucking the life out of tattooing and for elevating it to the level of matching mother daughter tramp stamps and Fratalogical tribal arm band holocaust.
Im calling for a return to a more Punk Rock aesthetic and dragging it back to its Biker whore roots and im going to start by tattooing "I HATE FAT CHICKS" on my cock and walk around the mall with it hanging out...that is after i hose it down w/ some ED Hardy Toilet Water........rock n roll !
 

dont know what your talking about this shits HOT. Smeel me
 

Thanks DS. My girlfriend couldn't parse any of your review, which means you got it exactly right. I owe you one.

I didn't even realize until just now (my eyes were watering too hard the first time I read it) that the Hardy shit compared itself to a "colorful Mint Julep cocktail". Yup, that's exactly what I want to smell like. Mint and cheap bourbon.
Actually, now that I think about it, considering I ALREADY what I smell like mint and cheap bourbon (with the stickiness of a good Julep to boot!), I really don't see the need to spend the $75.
 

Forgot to give props to Il Choadrino for the genius find of this noxious odor. Carry on mocking, and if anyone gets a comment on the Macy's page, email it to me-

- management
 

Thanks for the shout out, DB1.

And just a head's up: I haven't seen it -- it's not on the Macy's site yet -- but I've been informed by a highly credible source that... there's a women's version coming soon, too.

This is just too damn good to believe. I'll keep y'all posted.

God help us all.
 

At least Macy's is under no illusion of what their target market is. It even states 'Add to Bag' when you want to order
 

@ darksock - Curry is Gator, the pre-hairclub years. Gator has been perfecting his Dao of Douche for decades. What we see in Curry's website is the Dead Scrote Scrolls of Douche before his 8 head appeared and he painted himself orange becoming the Gator we know and loathe. This final transformation resulted in the New Bagament of Douche manifesto augmented with fake teeth and the latest video apocrypha.

On the plus side, at least he ditched that cheesy mustache.
 

Smells like Rank Ass.