Hot Chicks with Douchebags: Caption this Pic

Is this a beer in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?

# posted by

Kian : 11:09 AM

It makes me more aerodynamic.

# posted by

Mr. White : 11:10 AM

So how psyched is the bag-hunter community to know how many HCwDB photo ops there'll be after this weekend's ULTRA MIAMI?

Army of Douche-ness.

p.s. how are there not any SxSW photos on here yet?

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:11 AM

I know it looks bad, but it's covering some weeping sores on my neck.

# posted by

Mr. White : 11:12 AM

Have you seen my red cup?

# posted by

Sir Douche-a-lot : 11:12 AM

"Excuse me, I seem to have lost my cape, can you help me find it?"

"1 Bud Light, ah ah ah, 2 Bud Lights ah ah ah"

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:12 AM

What do you mean I look like a penis with ears?

# posted by

Mr. White : 11:13 AM

I was just neutered and this is an elizabethan collar to keep me from licking my sutures.

Could you lick my sutures for me?

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:18 AM

I'm not wearing any pants.

# posted by

Ferris Doucheler : 11:18 AM

"If I'd have known you were French, I'd have worn my galoshes."

# posted by

boatbutter : 11:22 AM

"Uh...yeah, Ms. Braithwaite... I know it's a school night. I never thought I'd run into you here. I swear, I got my homework done before I came down here with Brady and Shane. They're over there talkin' to that tranny hooker. Uh...sure, you can buy me a Jack and Coke. Two? Okay."

# posted by

Señor Squash : 11:22 AM

Do you know how to tie a windsor knot? My mom wouldnt help me.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:22 AM

"Check it out, baby, this *voicecrack* is Christopher Walken in Balls of Fury! *goofy voice* 'I won't bite...not where it shows!' That guy's re-donk-ulous! Okay, next is my impression *voicecrack* of Ming the Merciless from Buck Rogers..."

--Gaius Douchius Caesar

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:23 AM

hey, c'mon you guys.

this poor kid had a kidney operation and, so that he doesn't scratch at his stitches, the doctor made him wear this collar.

have some empathy for fuck's sake.

# posted by

pfah the elitist snot-wad : 11:23 AM

"Yes I'm old enough to be in here. I mean, duh! Didn't you notice that I popped my collar?"

# posted by

Douche Vader : 11:25 AM

How you douchin?

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:25 AM

Gee....Wally said this was a good place to find some Beaver.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:26 AM

Or...
"No, this is my husband's shirt, actually."

# posted by

Douche Vader : 11:27 AM

I just rubbed some viagra on it.
Works better than starch.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:27 AM

"excuse me, my name is Darksock and i'd like my cock ring back."

# posted by

pfah the elitist snot-wad : 11:28 AM

"Might I regale you with my own conjecture regarding Wittgenstein vis-a-vis his Dostoevskian influence?"

# posted by

Don Quixscrote : 11:28 AM

are we even old enough to be drinking?

# posted by

douche-hater : 11:28 AM

"Got any douchebag in you?"

# posted by

massengill : 11:28 AM

Girl (thinking): "If only I had asked for telepathy instead of awesome cleavage, I could finish wrapping that neck around his throat and kill him right now."

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:29 AM

"I know, like, can you believe how much I paid to get these eyebrows done? I couldn't even afford a collar that folded!"

# posted by

Ashfish : 11:29 AM

"hey baby, do you know the difference between anal sex and camping?"

"uh....no."

"wanna go camping?"

# posted by

pfah the elitist snot-wad : 11:30 AM

Why, thank you. Yes, I AM the president of the Vince Carter fan club. Pyyyyyle!

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:30 AM

yeah, well, you should meet my twin brother, THAT guy's a TOTAL LOOSER.

# posted by

its me : 11:32 AM

Perhaps...
"I prefer to call it a 'Man Blouse'".

# posted by

Douche Vader : 11:33 AM

this bag looks familiar

# posted by

Massengill : 11:33 AM

"No really... plugging in my shirt not only makes it glow, but it also causes the collar stand up on its own. Now can I buy you a Schlitz?"

-Scrote and Saddle

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:36 AM

You know..... I was in the movie beatlejuice....

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:39 AM

He says: "A black guy? Seriously? Pffht...later."

She says: "Wait it was only once in college! He was light-skinned!"

or

She says: "Your kind of cute. What's your name."

He says: "Wow....your gaydar is terrible."

# posted by

bcs : 11:43 AM

"My dad owns a dealership."

# posted by

Massengill : 11:45 AM

then why did i find blond hairs on my jeff stryker replica?

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 11:46 AM

"Yeah, my Dad made a fortune by inventing the Ban roll-on container in the 80's, right after I was born."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:47 AM

*girl* "...That reminds me, I need to get my daschund fixed so he stops turtling his lipstick on my leg"

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:48 AM

Dude?

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:49 AM

I have no idea how to satisfy you sexually, but that shouldn't stop you from letting me throw you a bone.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:49 AM

"Von....Two....Two Bud Lights....ah ah ah ahhhhh" cue thundering sound

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:50 AM

"I'm just saying, if we're gonna bone in the men's room it's gotta be now; Uncle Goolo's picking me up in an hour..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:51 AM

yeah my collar's popped... cause i'm the fuckin man and everyone should know it

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:52 AM

Maybe...
"Um, excuse YOU. Wearing your collar this way is COOL. My big brother told me so."

# posted by

Douche Vader : 11:53 AM

This way, I can use the collar stays to scratch my nose.

# posted by

Mr. White : 11:53 AM

Rutger Hauer's coat in Blade Runner was awesome, wasn't it?

# posted by

Mr. White : 11:54 AM

"...and I bet I can fit those earrings in there too..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:54 AM

"...I keep getting these paper cuts under my ear re-opened; they never heal..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:56 AM

so tom cruise najeh davenport walk into miley cyrus' closet...

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 11:56 AM

r kelly is already in there...

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 11:57 AM

"Not now, chief, I'm in the fahkin' zone."

# posted by

Massengill : 11:57 AM

" I was born with two cocks on my shoulder..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:57 AM

"its either this or the neck brace with the big screws that hold my head in place."

"Bite me lost Lawrence brother."

# posted by

scooby douche : 11:58 AM

"Tracy, your earrings are embarrassing me..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 11:58 AM

How 'bout...
"It's not a popped collar...it's a halo for a luuuv macheeen..."

Or simply...
"Pllleeeeeaaaasssseee?"

Ok, I am clearly out of material.

# posted by

Douche Vader : 11:59 AM

"Boooooooo-bahhhhhhhh"

http://resnetsymposium.org/wiki/images/5/5f/Boobah.jpg

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:01 PM

honey even if i did blow bruce vilanch its still way better than some of the stuff i've seen you swallow

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:02 PM

This outfit?
It's called a body condem....
My name?
Richard but my friends call me....

# posted by

Douche Shower and Shave : 12:04 PM

Can you tell I'm wearing Axe?

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:04 PM

white dresses don't hide cumstains sweetie

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:05 PM

Would you like to check out my Adams Apple?

# posted by

CStab : 12:08 PM

The wingman for Jack Black makes eye contact with the girl who sold him the new 2008 line of one-piece
$175.00 douche-fit.

# posted by

Moby Douche : 12:09 PM

Girl: "You douchin'?"
Douche: "Yeah, I'm douchin' like a Lilliputian!"

# posted by

vito corledouchey : 12:09 PM

"S'up? My name's Pfah; wanna come over to my horse for a cup of coffee and some gravy skins?"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:09 PM

"Actually, Plinky is a rather common name around Cleveland"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:13 PM

Yeah, I told that dude with a lot of popped collars "it's not how many shirts you wear, it's how much your collar gets air"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:14 PM

he says: "So I just found a cock ring the size of a Steak cut onion ring, i kid you not!"

she says: "That's Darksock's you twat. he has more manliness one dingleberry than you have in your entire hairless body."

# posted by

bcs : 12:15 PM

"FUGGHUE!!"

# posted by

bcs : 12:15 PM

if we weren't drinking bud light i bet people would ridicule us for allowing our hands to warm our beers

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:16 PM

"Yeah, babe, I do to collars what I do to pills. Wanna roofie?"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:16 PM

I'm president of the David Spade and Ryan Seacrest fan clubs of Toledo. So rock that baby.

# posted by

I douche two times this morning : 12:16 PM

he: "Dude I just saw some guy in the bathroom peeing all over some girl!"

she: "That girl was me. Mr. White has kinky fetishes."

# posted by

bcs : 12:17 PM

"This was my girfriend Paris's idea; it keeps me from fallin' in while I'm yodeling for yogurt"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:18 PM

"If this cock wrangler calls me 'bro' one more time, I'm going to impale his asshole with a broken Bud Light bottle."

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:18 PM

I know you wanted a Bud Lt. but I still think it sucks that they are out of Zima and those cute umbrellas.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:19 PM

he: "I think i just shit my pants..."

she: "yeah, I some bald guy with glasses and a seahawks jersey laughing maniacally and pouring visine in your drink."

# posted by

bcs : 12:19 PM

her: you look like the tosser
shim: sweetie you need to get out more

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:20 PM

"So, let's say you refinanced on June 1, 2006, and paid $2,400 in points. You refinanced again on June 1, 2007. You can deduct all the remaining points on the 2006 loan. That's $2,280 plus the $50 you could deduct for January through May 2007...."

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:20 PM

"It's just an illusion, baby. My eyebrows are not trying to jump off my face in a suicidal leap."

# posted by

ufo destroyers : 12:21 PM

Yeah, I know!!! The dudes over there i looked like Prince William. But i pop my fuckin collar

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:21 PM

Bitch all I do is bang bitches and drink.
Wanna sign my friends page on you tube?

# posted by

Douche me baby 1 more time : 12:21 PM

"...so I told Gator, 'I'd like to see you TRY and yank my tie off, mother fucker'...."

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:21 PM

i will give you 50 buvks to stand by me for 10 seconds...

0r....

is, is, is that bud light? Its a pretty good beer I guess. One night my buddy and I drank like 10 bud lights huh huh

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:23 PM

"...so since I stopped struggling halfway through, and because it was pledge week, it technically did not count as sodomy..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:23 PM

sorry - $50 bucks

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:24 PM

"This would be the view from your cervix. Turn you on?"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:24 PM

What's your taint measure, baby?

# posted by

Mr. White : 12:26 PM

"Colonoscopy assistants make good money...it's just sometimes I tend to take my work home"

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:26 PM

Nah, sweetie, you got it twisted: Urine is actual sterile when it first comes out. It only gets bacteria if you let it sit around for a while.

# posted by

Mr. White : 12:27 PM

And this is what it looks like when the baby bird finally broke through the egg shell.

# posted by

Mr. White : 12:27 PM

Dude, Walker Texas Ranger is totally a bad ass isn't he. I'm just sayin' give props to the man girlfriend.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:28 PM

Why do those guys behind me keep singing "Pop goes the weasel"?

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:29 PM

Sure baby I can drop you off on my Vespa.
We need to stop at the wal-greens to get that cream I need.

# posted by

Moby Douche : 12:29 PM

I don't KNOW why the dudes on my Lacrosse team call me Timmy Turtle. My last name is Cornblatz; doesn't even SOUND like "turtle".

# posted by

DarkSock : 12:31 PM

This outfit?
I bought it at the
Kwame Kilpatrick going out of business sale this week in Detroit.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:33 PM

Hey look, it's Eustace Tilley with herpes and b-o!

# posted by

the bageteer : 12:34 PM

Why you look so freaked out? Everybody's doing this now.

# posted by

Filthy McBaggin' : 12:34 PM

If I move my head I'm afraid this collar will shred my neck. i've been sharpening it all week.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:36 PM

@darksock......"invite you over to my horse"...i about shit myself laughing. no, wait....... hm....i DID shit myself laughing.

# posted by

pfah the elitist snot-wad : 12:37 PM

"Well my mom said it would make me look cool!!!!

- Ernie McCracken

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:37 PM

"You look like my mommy. She tells me I'm special!"

# posted by

Jurassic Douche : 12:38 PM

"Yagerbombs?"

# posted by

Chips and Douche : 12:40 PM

@db1 you better make this a recurring gag here at HCwDB. "Tuesday Caption"

# posted by

bcs : 12:40 PM

No way! When you said, "Don't touch me, loser!" I totally heard, "Touch my boobs."

# posted by

Mr. White : 12:41 PM

No those aren't wooly caterpillars, those are my eyebrows!!!!

# posted by

Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaDouche : 12:42 PM

"So he says to me, I'm not drinking your santorum!"

"What a prude!"

# posted by

bcs : 12:43 PM

Seriously though, I don't want to be the man I just want a shot at the title!

# posted by

Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaDouche : 12:43 PM

'Sup. I played football in high school.

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:44 PM

Him: "Just having a popped collar doesn't necessarily make me a douchebag."

Her: "It's not helping."

# posted by

ScroteBob DouchePants : 12:44 PM

after my prolapse its hard getting used to having a bud light non-rectally i don't think i like it as much...you?
...same...

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:45 PM

Flirt with the hood rats and then pop collars.

# posted by

Hair of the 'Bag that bit you : 12:46 PM

"So one day Eliot Spitzer, Larry Craig and Jim McGreevy walked into the bar and said they all liked my collar this way and I've been wearing this way ever since."

# posted by

ufo destroyers : 12:48 PM

Yeah, I'm in a band. Every hear of Hootie and the Blowfish?

# posted by

Mr. White : 12:49 PM

until six months ago i didn't even know they made assless chaps in khaki ...now its all i wear

# posted by

newman's own balsamic douche : 12:51 PM

"What are we doing here? Who the hell is Katt Williams anyway?"

"I don't know but I'm scared."

# posted by

bcs : 12:52 PM

"No, seriously, I'm not gay, it was just that one time"

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:54 PM

attack of the 50 foot collar

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 12:58 PM

Have you seen my gerbil?

# posted by

Clementine of Cappadoucha : 12:59 PM

So I told the guy "Hey yeah I gotta match your ass and my face" Hah!...no wait uh...damn!

# posted by

Vacuum Cleaner Bagg : 1:00 PM

seriously...do you know my lineage?

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:01 PM

Sorry, honey, you're nowhere NEAR trashy enough to be here.

# posted by

Clementine of Cappadoucha : 1:01 PM

So are we gonna...? Cause that's like the third drink I've bought you.

# posted by

Vacuum Cleaner Bagg : 1:03 PM

401k, 402k, whatever it takes...

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:04 PM

sure sweetie, i TOTALLY have a comdom...

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:05 PM

Woah, I like totaly saw Keanu Reeves wearing his shirt just like this!...I shit you not...No seriously...Keanu Reeves...

# posted by

Vacuum Cleaner Bagg : 1:05 PM

convicted? no, not convicted....
wait, do allegations count?

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:06 PM

Should I roll the sleeves too, or would that be too much?

# posted by

Vacuum Cleaner Bagg : 1:07 PM

"It matches the spoiler on my Hyundai..."

# posted by

DarkSock : 1:08 PM

This color?
My sister Monica used to work in Washington had a dress this same color.
This stain?
This past summer I was a page for..
Uh..you know what else you can do with a cigar?

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:08 PM

my mom says i need to be more assertive, so, i'm gonna go buy you a drink.

hey, where you goin?

WAAAIIIT!!!

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:09 PM

Rectum
Rectum
It damn near killed me

# posted by

Moby Douche : 1:10 PM

yeah, i'm an actor. i just wrapped up some serious shakespeare in the park. it was epic!

# posted by

johnny scrotten : 1:10 PM

Dude: "How can you be SURE you won't like it? My brother never complained..."

# posted by

BleethLVR995 : 1:11 PM

"Thats right, baby... I said 3 inches."

# posted by

Douche Body Spray : 1:11 PM

You know, in like 10 more years I'll be like totally mature. THEN you'll be sorry!

# posted by

BleethLVR995 : 1:12 PM

i TOLD chang down at the dry cleaners LIGHT starch!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Caption this Pic