Sunday, March 30, 2008
Retro Douche: Prime Time
Last week's spotlight on the 80s monstrosity that was The Boz resulted in a number of calls to highlight that other douche carrying scrote of the football field, Brothabag Prime Time Neon Deon Sanders.
And while Neon, like The Boz, has a certain inept charm that undercuts any truly noxious douchebaggery, there is no denying that this video, Must be the Money drips of early 1990s bling, hair gel and overall greasy wrongness.
But, on the bright side, at least Deon will never have to worry about a career singing, rapping or anything outside of sounding like a strangled seal.
Make your picks for the upcoming season, Neon. You just earned a place in our Hallowed Hall of Retro Douche.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 9:02 AM 
Comments:
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That confirms that Deon was surrounded at all times by a posse of yes-men, fighting one another for a turn at his dick like starving piglets born to a one-teat hogbitch: "Aw, hells yeah, Neon, 'bout time you gave your fans what they need: a rap joint; yeah yeah yeah that shit is BANGIN', baby...".
Deon should have stuck to that which summed up his brief best years of his life: chasing an inflated sac of pig flesh while avoiding steroid-soaked refrigerators with legs. Now this will haunt him forever, like Paris Hilton's vagina.
*Note to self: When I get rich, make DAMN SURE that in addition to my posse of sycophant hangers-on there is at least ONE total asshole that will always tell me like it is. "NO, DarkSock, nobody wants to hear you rap, read your poetry or watch your sex tape. Except Plinky."
Deon should have stuck to that which summed up his brief best years of his life: chasing an inflated sac of pig flesh while avoiding steroid-soaked refrigerators with legs. Now this will haunt him forever, like Paris Hilton's vagina.
*Note to self: When I get rich, make DAMN SURE that in addition to my posse of sycophant hangers-on there is at least ONE total asshole that will always tell me like it is. "NO, DarkSock, nobody wants to hear you rap, read your poetry or watch your sex tape. Except Plinky."
I only lasted 41 seconds.
Douche though Deion may have been (you have to worry about someone with more than one self-inflicted nickname) at least he could back it up on the field or at bat which is more than can be said for The Boz who was a steroid-soaked over-hyped refrigerator.
Douche though Deion may have been (you have to worry about someone with more than one self-inflicted nickname) at least he could back it up on the field or at bat which is more than can be said for The Boz who was a steroid-soaked over-hyped refrigerator.
Prime Douche
@Darksock YES MAN, lol
I have no alterer-douche philosophy for this, only to walk away thinking - Cedric the Entertainer has warmer moves than Deon "freon" Sanders.
I watched through to the end, picked up my toilet brush and removed a portion of my skull to clean the infected area....
@Darksock YES MAN, lol
I have no alterer-douche philosophy for this, only to walk away thinking - Cedric the Entertainer has warmer moves than Deon "freon" Sanders.
I watched through to the end, picked up my toilet brush and removed a portion of my skull to clean the infected area....
This was the point in his life where the coke had clearly eaten all the meatballs out of his spaghettios...
# posted by 
: 10:08 AM
: 10:08 AM
I fooking HATE this overated prick with an all consuming passion!!! While said dick could cover a receiver like a blanket, he couldn't tackle a worth a damn. I've seen him pull a bitch move several times when a running back came his way. Whenever he's on the tube i change the channel.
# posted by : 10:23 AM
: 10:23 AM
I made it past the two-minute mark, but only because I was trying to figure out what the hell this song was about. And what Deon's singing reminded me of. The best I could come up with was a stroke victim with strep throat.
i think the epitome of the deion as douche was that he made an inauthentic attempt to become the george foreman of hot dog grilling..his two legit two quit anlso inspired many of the bag gestures we have toady...
nobd emeritus
nobd emeritus
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
I made it the entire way, but had to pour hot pepper sauce in my eyes afterward to relieve the burning. Neon, please stick to something you know well...running. As for everything else: baseball, dancing, rapping, entertainment..and pretty much life in general...you suuuuck!
At least Cincinnati forced Bo Jackson into retirement via injury. You found out while in Cincy how terrible you really were at baseball. Check with your travel agent into a permanent vacation to Obscurity. Bo is already awaiting your arrival.
Deuche Baggilo
At least Cincinnati forced Bo Jackson into retirement via injury. You found out while in Cincy how terrible you really were at baseball. Check with your travel agent into a permanent vacation to Obscurity. Bo is already awaiting your arrival.
Deuche Baggilo
I'm going to be honest. I'd rather watch this video (abomination though it may be) than probably 99% of what's on the rap channels these days.
At least the girls in this video are mostly clothed and acting tastefully (I only watched til 1:37).
At least the girls in this video are mostly clothed and acting tastefully (I only watched til 1:37).
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
That might have been the longest 4 minutes of my life. All I got out of that was the realization that Neon can't dance... is that the robotic constipated Orangutang step? What's with the elbows way up over his shoulders and his tilty shoulder high knee bouncy thing?
Hate on the shades not on the statement: Orangutang is a reference to the length of his arms rather than anything racial.
Hate on the shades not on the statement: Orangutang is a reference to the length of his arms rather than anything racial.
As a lurker here at Douche-land, I had wondered if Black dudes could be Douches as well. I guess this answers it. thanks.
# posted by : 12:20 PM
: 12:20 PM
To properly trace the black douche lineage, and have a true brotha douche anthology, one must advocate for the inclusion of Hammer's "pumps in the bump" video where he is dancing on the waterfall of his soon-to-be repo'd mansion...A true milestone in minority douchery and an ironic portrait foreshadowing his imminent downfall...plus his manpiece, sheathed in speedos, is gratouitously flopped in your face.
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
That's four minutes i'll never get back. DB1, i wish you could have warned me it would be THAT bad. I'm going to be sick now.
# posted by : 1:02 PM
: 1:02 PM
For an even more visceral experience watch this without sound, there's all sorts of hidden gems. For example the Angelman's Syndrome Shuffle at 2:51, the lone white guy in the background nodding his head at 3:57 whom im assuming was his agent and shortly after was eating banana peels beneath the underpass. Im assuming the director used the Ludovico Technique as inspiration.
# posted by : 1:45 PM
: 1:45 PM
I think it's hilarious that he used to have a library card, he probably should return those Judy Blume's sometime soon
# posted by : 1:50 PM
: 1:50 PM
Deon making that video was a terrible idea, but still not as terrible as the Chicago Bears doing the Super Bowl Shuffle back in 1985. now THAT was uncomfortable. don't believe me? check it out for yourself:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fJNC3dgreaU
ah, the 80's.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fJNC3dgreaU
ah, the 80's.
Had to stop after 20 seconds. I knew what was next - nothing but visual and auditory misery.
# posted by : 3:20 PM
: 3:20 PM
I made it to 1:45 before a wave of bile engulfed my uvula.
Thanks, DB1. And by thanks I mean what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
It's now time to crack some ice and mix myself a double Nyquil tonic, hoping that tomorrow all this will be a sad, distant memory.
Oh, and pfah: Why do YOU hate us so?
*whimper*
Thanks, DB1. And by thanks I mean what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
It's now time to crack some ice and mix myself a double Nyquil tonic, hoping that tomorrow all this will be a sad, distant memory.
Oh, and pfah: Why do YOU hate us so?
*whimper*
@or el doucherino if you arent into the whole brevity thing
Is that you, tetra?
Is that you, tetra?
# posted by : 5:33 PM
: 5:33 PM
i hated it then, and i hate it now. i think i saw the premier of this video after an episode of In Living Color or something like that, was it SNL? All i know is that even then as a 13 year old I knew this S#!T sucked.
Well can't hate on Deion, he put on a show to get noticed... plus he could play ball and run, and actually WAS rich so he could back up whatever he said. I'd give him a pass.. the Hoff's latest video was just as bad.
# posted by : 8:22 PM
: 8:22 PM
for the record, there is nothing in this world I want to experience more than darksock's rap, poetry, and sex tape.
@ BCS: I'd like to experience my sex tape too. I hear Señor Squash has a uvula (who knew!) so I might invite him over for a few Nyquils, and then let nature take it's course as the Sony rolls on.
Good times.
Good times.
Darksock:
I must be a member of your posse. Do you have space for a skinny acne faced amateur golfer high on LSD 90% of the time in your posse? Me and BCS will handle security while Pfah handles chaperone duties. It's gonna be awesome. Hurry up and get famous.
I must be a member of your posse. Do you have space for a skinny acne faced amateur golfer high on LSD 90% of the time in your posse? Me and BCS will handle security while Pfah handles chaperone duties. It's gonna be awesome. Hurry up and get famous.
...and the injustice continues. He lives in Prosper, TX, north of Dallas on a huge estate and a house that's at least 20,000+ square feet.
You can see the place on Google Earth. Or if you live near Dallas, like I do, you can drive by it and vomit in disgust and rage.
33°15'7.86"N Lat
96°46'52.75"W Long
You can see the place on Google Earth. Or if you live near Dallas, like I do, you can drive by it and vomit in disgust and rage.
33°15'7.86"N Lat
96°46'52.75"W Long
# posted by : 7:55 AM
: 7:55 AM
Noonan:
Dont forget about all those tapes of you banging that androgonous Irish chick in disco pants and grandma panties that was trying to marry you to stay in the country...
"Im late...late fur not biin preg-net."
Dont forget about all those tapes of you banging that androgonous Irish chick in disco pants and grandma panties that was trying to marry you to stay in the country...
"Im late...late fur not biin preg-net."
# posted by : 8:17 AM
: 8:17 AM
hmm, I guess he didn't have the money for good backup dancers or a producer that could mix his vocals so that you don't want to jam a pencil in your ear.
# posted by : 8:18 AM
: 8:18 AM
anon:
Mary and I had a child scare, it wasn't pretty. She was deported back to Ireland, which freed me up to bang Lacey Underalls while Spaulding watched, eating boogers.
Mary and I had a child scare, it wasn't pretty. She was deported back to Ireland, which freed me up to bang Lacey Underalls while Spaulding watched, eating boogers.
@ Pfah -
Back off, dammit; I called dibs. Nobody's man-hosing that uvula till I'm good and done.
wait...just did an image search on uvula...http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5b/Uvula_without_tonsils.jpg
..ahhhh who am I kidding; I'd still tap that.
Back off, dammit; I called dibs. Nobody's man-hosing that uvula till I'm good and done.
wait...just did an image search on uvula...http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5b/Uvula_without_tonsils.jpg
..ahhhh who am I kidding; I'd still tap that.
Good for db1 to have found the rare and elusive brothabag in full preening scrote action.
The tune's not bad though.
The tune's not bad though.
# posted by : 1:44 PM
: 1:44 PM
pfah, I also used to have a Volvo.
I traded it in for something with less miles.
It had started to peel and rust.
It also burned oil if I didn't give it a rest.
It NEVER warmed up in the winter. It got way too hot in the summer -- I had to leave it open and air it out!
Sometimes I had to get it jumped when it was run down. And that always happened on my way home from the bar.
But it did have room for four. Comfortably. (Or three if they were larger than average.)
I traded it in for something with less miles.
It had started to peel and rust.
It also burned oil if I didn't give it a rest.
It NEVER warmed up in the winter. It got way too hot in the summer -- I had to leave it open and air it out!
Sometimes I had to get it jumped when it was run down. And that always happened on my way home from the bar.
But it did have room for four. Comfortably. (Or three if they were larger than average.)
OMG, this is crazy Deion Sanders is not a Douche. Deion was nothing more than a kid who had nothing got alittle cash and lost his damn mind. Plus, he never played the good guy role like most of the typical douche bags. He was always real and never undercover. A True Douchebag is OJ, as well as other things.
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# posted by : 12:42 PM
: 12:42 PM << Home
