Wednesday, April 16, 2008

 

Amy's 'Bag Tag



Reader Amy writes in:

----
Heyyyy DB1....I saw these doucheBAGS from across the sidewalk and I just could not resist the urging temptation to get a picture with him AND lumber jack douche.

Can you do anything creative with it?????

Please don't tell me it was all for nothing!!!!!!!!

-Amy (on the right)

----

It's not bad for your first capture, Amy, but tagging the stage 1 douche is easier than the higher up game (stages 3 and 4). Note no hand gestures and only minimal shirt douchage. Forehead grease is toxic, though. However you may have to throw these two back. State Douching Licenses dictate at least a stage-2 level for true 'bag tagging.
Comments:
I dunno DB1. There is a well hidden barbed-wire armband tatoo going on here. That may be enought to bring him to a Stage 2. Will he doesn't bring on the urge to kill like Joey or the Ab Lobster, he is definitely well on his way.

Luckily, Amy brightens this picture up in stark contrast to the sea donkey on the left.
 
The blue dooche does have a Tiger Tooth necklace.. Does that not count for something?
 
Well, it's inevitable, so I'll do it first:

He's a lumberjack and that's okay,
he smokes the pole of his friend, who's gay....


etc. etc.
 
Nice catch Amy. Looks like the Machado brothers have quit oiling themselves for a night on the town. The classic mark of the bag seals it for me, plus the fact he donated his right nipple for science
 
Lumberjack may have to be renamed Extreme Forehead Douche. That's a hairline most allergic to Douchitude.
 
So Amy,

Consider yourself a HOTT do you? Remember this is www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

I will give you a couple snaps up for the arm toneness, charming smile and moderately clear complexion, but are you really up to bagging "douches" and tossing yourself into the ring of Internet ridicule?

I am letting your Forrest Gump looking friend off the hook, and advising you to get out while you can Amy.

Perhaps there should be a site called:
www.goodguysruinedbyhorriblewomen.com
 
Not much to see here.
Amy you tried but hit the gym and leave the bagging to pro's.
As you were sweetheart.
 
Hilfiger Polo, crappy barb wire tat, waxed chest, (italian horn necklace?) and so, so, greasy. Well done, Great White Bag Huntress, although next time a red cup would be more apropos for such treacherous forays into the lair of the wild douche......
 
barb wire tat is douche-tacular
 
@anon1:49....so you're either one of the guys in this picture or just a raging asshole.

Amy is prettier than many of the girls that have had their picture on this glorious website.

ease up a little.
 
She's fine for the site. But Amy, if you take your shirt off it would make for a better capture.

You'll learn. Let DB1 Xenu out your nipples, it cool.
 
I side with Pfah here regarding anon 1:49... don't be a toolbox.

Amy, I volunteer to nibble on your succulent shoulder for hours on end while you tell me how bad I've been.
 
I see two lovely women in this foto. Girl in Grey looks like someone I'd have a blast playing drunken Monopoly with and the sweet faced White Top is absolutely the girl I'd like to spend my next vacation with. I know my tag is Bleeth Lover, but I would give up the windshield sunglasses wearing, booty short camel toed, silicone waifs in a heartbeat for a slow dance with either.

Where Anon erred is in his Scrote-vision. He is impaired by Axe and Jello-shot serving pros.

Amy seems to have seen the combined Douchocity of the pair... a common rookie mistake. The first rule of bird shooting is to ID a target and shoot it rather than to shoot into the covey. The one with the penis shaped nos has the up-do, navel exposing A&F shirt, and 3 liters of grease. Snaggle Tooth has that stupid necklace, tatts by the foot, and seemingly the longest left arm in history as it's wrapped right around his buddy to grope my next fantasy girl on the side boob. Both are Douche 1.5's, which makes Amy's pick a combined Douche 3.0. Not our mission, but that's why Mr. Sock offers apprenticeships.

I applaud you miss. And really, Whitey… give me a jingle. I think we might have something. Wink.
 
One major flaw here Amy, next time you should check your target's breath for "dick".

I know it's a lot to think about on your first bag hunt. The site of a charging bag can unnerve even the stediest of bag hunters.

If there is a hybrid bag that incorporates homo's then these two fag bags (or, perhaps mo-bags) would qualify.

Oh, and by the way, I'd bang ya.
 
agreeing with pfah....

amy, you can tag my bag any time.




some creatin was bound to say it, i'm just glad it was me
 
anon 1:49 -

It's okay; you'll get over the divorce soon and start liking women again. Until then go fuck yourself, rude dog.
 
To: Anon 1:49 PM

You sound lonely, calm down brother, go rub one out, you'll feel better

Luv,

Anon 2:18pm
 
I'm with pfah.

Fu*k You! anon 1:49
 
I meant FUCK YOU!!!!
 
No idea what anon is smoking, but I'd remind him 4/20 isn't for a few days yet. Please control yourself in public or we're putting the cone back on.

Amy, you are pure sunshine. Keep the faith, and go tag some more 'bags.
 
Not douchebags. Tools, more like.

The eyes-too-close-together affliction of tool on the left is a sure sign of tool-itude. Like a demonic birthmark.
 
It's nice to see that Hank Azaria has finally upgraded from Helen Hunt.
 
Wow, if you got here before anon 1:49, you'd only see two douchebags on this one.

Anon 1:49, you may have set the tone for identifying a stage 1 comment douche. I mean you are no Randy, but the argument that Amy is not worthy of ONE T hotchicks, is full of douche greeze and jingling dog tags.

As for your suggesting that these may be good guys ruined by horrible chicks, at best these may be good gays, but if they non-gay guys they aren't good for certain.

Now, sit back, flip on Matrix and when Trinity get's up, you get up too and don't let getting fired from Jiffy Lube keep you down.

I'd call on Amy any time and by call I mean slowly tingle around her ears until she melted on to my pants.

Fuck You anon 1:49

DONE
 
Amy's a hottie. Well done, girl. We need more of you fine yummies.

As for the guys:

Bob Saget wannabes - check
Tooth pendant - check
Copious hair product -check
Shaved chest - check

Strong douchal features, certainly enough as defined by the DoucheSM IV Guidebook.
 
Hey Whitey, um, I just checked and my phone wasn't on. I hope I didn't miss you! haha. If so call back. If not, well, you know, no big deal. Whatever. Talk to you soon!

Anon 2:18 is one funny Anon.
 
Anon 1:49,

Seething with anger because you and your boyfriend were tagged.

Woe is you, but still. Man up and quit being such a fucking baby.

HATER!

Love,
2% non-fat douche
 
lol I was complaining about how overly concentrated the bags were over the last week and now it seems to have slowed down a little. DWALOPC would totally destroy these bunk buddies.

Bring back classic bags like Islander.

And Amy, you broke HCWDB female pic submission rule #4080: Sideboobs are mandatory And a clear cup? It was a great try, and hopefully the Coty wild musk scent oozing out of the pores from Chase next to you has since faded away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxxeVe_ZlMA
 
mmm sweet sweet Amy...
 
Moderate douchebags, but this picture doesn't exactly induce rage.

Amy looks pretty good to me.
 
I'll tell you what induces rage, Douchey. I got some sweet scalped Rush tickets for this Saturday at the New Orleans Arena; right up front, floor seats.

The New Orleans Hornets made the play-offs. Their home game is likely going to be this Saturday night.

Guess what concert's going to get cancelled?

FUCK ME!!! GAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

DAMN YOU, XENUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!11
 
i hate everybody.
 
buncha goddamn grown men chasing a ball around the floor. really? what the FUCK.

Amy's friend has interesting boobies. that is all.
 
Tiger Tooth's Hair Club For Men bangs push this one over the line. Douchetastic.
 
(Sorry, but I think it'd be appropriate )

Only Xenu would make such silly comments. Don't worry Amy, Xenu is an idiot, you are quite lovely.
 
Anon 1:49,

Come out and admit your shame. In the words of the immortal Dean Vernon Wormer, Old School Old Douche......

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Amy, I would love to nuzzle your tan, toned arm until we both were making little happy noises to each other.
 
Whattabitch.
 
Bluie has a whiff of scrote about him ... Lumberjack is okay. Let that one go.

There's still hope for Bluie, if he hooks up with a nice girl - one who's smart enough to erase signs of Bag in her man.
 
i think Amy and her friend are cuties. good Douche Radar Amy!
 
@Darksock

That comment about grown men chasing a ball around the floor is one of the best comments I've heard in a long while.

The visual image you painted with that comment was perfect.

Staight up, funny shit.
 
Either these two play "molest the sausage" or they play soccer. I don't know? I wish Amy and her boobish buddy wouldn't have waisted valuable "getin' it on" time with these two Gwauts (Gay twauts).

I mean, Geez... Amy, BB (Boobish Buddy) could be sittin' around my hot tub sippin' champaign and redirecting the jets towards my coked out flacid pee pee.

But! Once I get out of rehab I would bang the shit out of Amy and her friend. Ofcourse, we would have terrible conversation and I would probably cry uncontrollably after sex but I would be stone cold sober for the first time since I smashed into Faye Dunaway's car after a two-week bender.
 
Dark, you should propose to the NBA that they start the game at 6pm, put 85 points on the board for each team and 2 minutes on the clock. They should be done by 8pm and you are in the show by 9. Win win for everyone.

Amy, I just had to take a shower and thought I heard my phone ring but your number didn't come up on my call waiting. Maybe I missed you but since I can't call back I don't want you to think I'm not calling so if that was you try again. Kay? Boo?
 
Good job Amy - but can you calrify something for me? What the fuck is up with homeboys hand? Are those nubs for fingers?
 
@darksock.....i am truly, truly sorry about the RUSH concert being cancelled for a stupid NBA Playoffs game brother. why would you want to watch a bunch of overpaid athletes instead of enjoying the sheer genius that is RUSH? i don't get it. oh wait....because you're stupid.

Geddy must be pissed.

the only reason people care about the NBA Playoffs is because the NFL season hasn't started yet and March Madness is over.
 
P.S. watch the NHL Playoffs instead. it's better than pro basketball.
 
meanwhile.... we're nearing 800 posts on the Xenu II: Electric Douchaloo string.

it's brought a tear to my eye.

are you watching this DB1???
 
...and it's all because of bcs.
 
@bleethlvr905....dear friend, the NHL is professional hockey. which is inherently WAY cooler than professional basketball.

fuck the NBA. overpaid assholes that should have stayed in college. it's not even that exciting.

hockey is much better. speed, fights, fast scoring, Canadian accents. and the NHL Playoffs are going on right now! the attraction to the NBA died when Air Jordan retired. think HOCKEY. at least, think HOCKEY until the NFL pre-season starts.

GO SEAHAWKS!
 
I used to like Hockey until the fucking neutral zone trap
 
first of all amy qualifies for the site...you have to remember some pics here are taken by photodouches with an eye to lighting and exposure and all that boring crap...
this being a snapped pic you have to transpose what you know about females from real life(if you can)
into what she might look like either in real life or in an indoor controlled environment...
that said...i am going to suck up further by trusting amy's eye she may not post and this pic may only have been submitted in scorn after reputation damaging allegations,,,who knows but i trust she eyed up more douche than could possibly be captured in a hasty snap...
good job amy post more we need female perspectives...read this stuff hot chicks can wither a douche in ways we can't
 
What the Fuck, had a little HJBBAD moment there eh?
 
I'll echo the previous comments and call anon 1:49 on his asshattery. Shut the fuck up.

Amy, you did good. You braved the wave of Axe and faked a smile until your molars hurt. Then you risked ridicule by morons (see above mention in my comment here), and delivered a pair of smokin' scrotes.

Thank you, dollface.

(You are hot, by the way.)
 
Nice to see Mitt Romney letting his bangs down again.

And Amy you are quite fine.
 
one on the left looks like Michael Scott
 
Great pic, Amy.

I love how the scrote on the right has seemingly transferred a generous helping of his own hair to his boyfriend's scalp.
 
Brad Paisley bag on the right with the lumberjack shirt is vile, and makes me sick to the stomach. You can actually see the tan lines, which proves he walks around likes this enough to get tan lines :(
 
C'mon! Amy is a HOTT and there is no doubt about the douchiness of the two greasers.

Boy in blue has a necklace and barb wire tattoo and lumberdouch has at lease two buttons undone on his shirt. Then of course there is the spiked hair. I'd classify them both as stage 2 for State Licensing for first time hunter Amy.
 
Why were my comments deleted? Did I break a rule or something?
 
@ Pfah 7:02

You forgot to mention the hockey hair/mullets.You are right,the NBA sucks.All you have to do to see a game is watch the last two minutes,as it lasts for an hour with all the time outs and fouls they get.Also Amy is a hottie.

Fuck anon. 1:49 and Fish Slap
 
@ Pfah 7:02

I'm gonna walk down that stinkin' runway, open up this faggot robe and wiggle my dick at 'em!
And do you know why?
Because I want you to have a heart-attack and die so we don't have to do this shit again!
You and your fucking fashion shows!
 
Amy White Top reminds me of cream and molasses while Friend Grey Top foreshadows lots and lots of hot chicken greasing.

And yeah Anon 1:49, F*ck you.
 
This post has been removed by the author.
 
Amy is so amazingly hott! She looks like a piece of good god, wrapped up in a little have mercy with a side order of BA-BAM!! Look at that hair, and that adorable smile. The tan leads me to think native South Beach, but I'm not buying it. I say hands down, New Jersey transplant.

Either way I want to lay her down in the sauna of my gym after a long workout and watch her glisten with sweat while I lick gatorade off her six pack, and try to gargle the Chinese alphabet while immersed face first in her buns of steel.

Nah, I don't think about that too often. Not at all.

I want you.
 
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