Monday, April 14, 2008
HCwDB of the Month
While this may not have the epic smackdown feel of last month's HCwDB of the Month (which produced three, count 'em three, Hall of Scrote members) there's still much to be said for this Month's battle.
However, I'm gonna mix it up.
I've decided to bump the standard rocker douche that was Kid Scrote. That coupling of Rocker Trash and Barbie Hott was a runner-up anyway, who stepped in when the genius Yo-Yo dropped out due to general pussitude.
Instead, I'm going with the Pancake. Yes, that's right. Straight to the Monthly. Controversial decision? Maybe. Lets see what happens. Here's your finalists for HCwDB of the Month:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Pancake
Yes, this coupling of innocent sweetness and rocker douche didn't yet win a Weekly. But he would have.
This combo has that thoroughbred HCwDB combo quality. All the bases covered of that truly odious attractive female with heaping Dave Navarro douche-face wrongness.
Facial pubes? Check.
The Ubiquitous Black Fingernail polish of post-"Mystery" inspired clownshow spectacle?
Check.
An innocent doe that would curl up with me at 2am while I worried about who the last cylon is?
That, too. Her hint of cleavite is majestic.
But enough to win a Monthly without a Weekly win to pad their resumes? Hard to say.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Tighty Armani
Like dainty facial hair forming into a global chin strap that stretches from sideburn to sideburn, Tighty Armani grows on you.
Or perhaps like a fetid fungus. Growing on rotting wormwood.
At first you don't think he's so bad. Then you want to lay down a line of frogs on fire with your patented frog flamethrower.
Also this blonde continue to dazzle me with high cheekbones and sweet eyes of mannequin youth.
Toss in the punchable face on the right and the massive swarm of hand gesture, and Tighty Armani's covers the spectrum of all that is douche.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Turtleman
Rarely do we get douche superheroes competing in a Monthly.
Turtleman first impressd with the single spot of blond locks, the popped pinkness, and the dirty rural kitchen that looks like Jeffrey Dahmer's workspace.
His slightly confused girl-next-door brings an added punch to the mix.
Watch as Turtleman fights crime in Marvel Comics latest release:
Turtleman Meets the Scrote Fungus
It's an action packed extravaganza.
Yeah, Turtleman probably doesn't have much chance in the Monthly.
But dig those bleach stains on the pants.
They're beyond cool. I'm talking George Michael cool. Which is to say not.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Small Package
Perhaps the highest on the "needs to have his ass kicked" scale among our four Monthly candidates (although Pancake puts up a good argument), The Small Package infuriates with annoying shirt, douche-face, and vacant Norwegian blonde on his arm.
There's a surreal aesthetic to this framing, mise-en-scene and general grease face that evokes early Edward Steichen phographs.
Yes, art.
But by art, I mean dada poo.
Mmm... amazonian blondes in wifebeaters and choke collars.
So them's your four.
Four enter. Only one can triumph.
I need to hear from you. Which of these four couples most deserves to win the HCwDB of the Month and have their shot at the coveted HCwDB of the Year at December's Douchie Awards?
Remember to weigh both douche and hott. Hott and douche. In Yin-Yang polarity. In contrast. In dialogue.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
However, I'm gonna mix it up.
I've decided to bump the standard rocker douche that was Kid Scrote. That coupling of Rocker Trash and Barbie Hott was a runner-up anyway, who stepped in when the genius Yo-Yo dropped out due to general pussitude.
Instead, I'm going with the Pancake. Yes, that's right. Straight to the Monthly. Controversial decision? Maybe. Lets see what happens. Here's your finalists for HCwDB of the Month:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Pancake
Yes, this coupling of innocent sweetness and rocker douche didn't yet win a Weekly. But he would have.
This combo has that thoroughbred HCwDB combo quality. All the bases covered of that truly odious attractive female with heaping Dave Navarro douche-face wrongness.
Facial pubes? Check.
The Ubiquitous Black Fingernail polish of post-"Mystery" inspired clownshow spectacle?
Check.
An innocent doe that would curl up with me at 2am while I worried about who the last cylon is?
That, too. Her hint of cleavite is majestic.
But enough to win a Monthly without a Weekly win to pad their resumes? Hard to say.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Tighty Armani
Like dainty facial hair forming into a global chin strap that stretches from sideburn to sideburn, Tighty Armani grows on you.
Or perhaps like a fetid fungus. Growing on rotting wormwood.
At first you don't think he's so bad. Then you want to lay down a line of frogs on fire with your patented frog flamethrower.
Also this blonde continue to dazzle me with high cheekbones and sweet eyes of mannequin youth.
Toss in the punchable face on the right and the massive swarm of hand gesture, and Tighty Armani's covers the spectrum of all that is douche.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Turtleman
Rarely do we get douche superheroes competing in a Monthly.
Turtleman first impressd with the single spot of blond locks, the popped pinkness, and the dirty rural kitchen that looks like Jeffrey Dahmer's workspace.
His slightly confused girl-next-door brings an added punch to the mix.
Watch as Turtleman fights crime in Marvel Comics latest release:
Turtleman Meets the Scrote Fungus
It's an action packed extravaganza.
Yeah, Turtleman probably doesn't have much chance in the Monthly.
But dig those bleach stains on the pants.
They're beyond cool. I'm talking George Michael cool. Which is to say not.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Small Package
Perhaps the highest on the "needs to have his ass kicked" scale among our four Monthly candidates (although Pancake puts up a good argument), The Small Package infuriates with annoying shirt, douche-face, and vacant Norwegian blonde on his arm.
There's a surreal aesthetic to this framing, mise-en-scene and general grease face that evokes early Edward Steichen phographs.
Yes, art.
But by art, I mean dada poo.
Mmm... amazonian blondes in wifebeaters and choke collars.
So them's your four.
Four enter. Only one can triumph.
I need to hear from you. Which of these four couples most deserves to win the HCwDB of the Month and have their shot at the coveted HCwDB of the Year at December's Douchie Awards?
Remember to weigh both douche and hott. Hott and douche. In Yin-Yang polarity. In contrast. In dialogue.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:00 AM 
Comments:
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Tighty Armani. The bar body, the facial expression, the hand gesture. Plus his Hott takes the prize in this group.
# posted by 
: 6:58 AM
: 6:58 AM
Pancake for the win. The guy is so goddamned irritating to look at that he could not possibly not win, and his sweet little hott may not be the hottest in this race, but she's well above the acceptable line.
Tighty Armani a not-that-close second, although the barely visible chinstrap does put him more in the running than I thought. Turtleman isn't even close to those two, and Small Package looks too much like a mentally retarded person for me to take him seriously, although his hott is definitely up there.
Pancake FTW.
douche equis.
Tighty Armani a not-that-close second, although the barely visible chinstrap does put him more in the running than I thought. Turtleman isn't even close to those two, and Small Package looks too much like a mentally retarded person for me to take him seriously, although his hott is definitely up there.
Pancake FTW.
douche equis.
I'm with douche equis, the pancake is a guy that needs a kick in the jimmy just for trying to be a rock star while spoiling a good hot. The stupid eye liners, the stupid middle finger of coolness, argh...
Turtleman would be my second because, well, if anyone would get his ass kicked at a party just for showing up, it'd be a douche like him.
Turtleman would be my second because, well, if anyone would get his ass kicked at a party just for showing up, it'd be a douche like him.
T/A is done. He is douche see him flex. Turtleman is like the waiter at Bennigans that you want to kill but you just feel sorry for him. So you stiff him instead.
Small Package has been beaten on and often by the looks of that speed bag of a melon on his shoulders. Pancake has all the qualities of one who must die. The whole nasty, greasy, black fingernail (WTF is that?) rat living in his hair mess. Chin pubes suck also. Pancake wins.
Small Package has been beaten on and often by the looks of that speed bag of a melon on his shoulders. Pancake has all the qualities of one who must die. The whole nasty, greasy, black fingernail (WTF is that?) rat living in his hair mess. Chin pubes suck also. Pancake wins.
# posted by : 7:08 AM
: 7:08 AM
if one of the wicked witch of the west's flying monkeys ass-raped tattoo from fantasy island, small package is what tattoo would shit out.
i can't imagine why this poo nugget would have an ego, that shirt, that girlfriend, or that smug look on his face. he is all that is wrong with the world today. BUT, this site is not called "shit stains with distant, vapid mail order brides". so the winner of this week has to be douchey armani. he is as douche as small package is turd. which is to say very douche. very douche, indeed. and he has the douche crew to support him in his role. jesters in the palace of scrote.
i can't imagine why this poo nugget would have an ego, that shirt, that girlfriend, or that smug look on his face. he is all that is wrong with the world today. BUT, this site is not called "shit stains with distant, vapid mail order brides". so the winner of this week has to be douchey armani. he is as douche as small package is turd. which is to say very douche. very douche, indeed. and he has the douche crew to support him in his role. jesters in the palace of scrote.
# posted by : 7:12 AM
: 7:12 AM
The small package. Mostly because I can't stand short people in general and certainly hate when I see hotts posing with DB's shorter than them.
His self-aggrandizing shirt is causing me a lot of confusion. What exactly is that arrow pointing at?
What a tard.
His self-aggrandizing shirt is causing me a lot of confusion. What exactly is that arrow pointing at?
What a tard.
# posted by : 7:13 AM
: 7:13 AM
TA - he looks smug. The others? Deep down, losers who know they are losers. Armani actually thinks he's something.
Armani's tonuge-wagging buddy is also a good laugh. You can't underestimate the power of a dumb-ass wingman.
I'll take TA for the win, Peter.
Armani's tonuge-wagging buddy is also a good laugh. You can't underestimate the power of a dumb-ass wingman.
I'll take TA for the win, Peter.
# posted by : 7:20 AM
: 7:20 AM
There really is no contest here. Sure, the pancake is an emo, Cap'n Jack Spade wanna be douchebag, but Tighty is the the total package. And by package, I mean, gelled hair, hand sign flashing, roid injecting, hott clinging, Armani Exchange advertising, bling flashing, smirk faced ass hat. Not to mention to mention that the set comes complete with douche worshiping bromance having toady sidekick.
But wait! If you get Super Armani Douchebag now we'll throw in toady tonguenag sidekick. COMPLETly FREE!
But wait! If you get Super Armani Douchebag now we'll throw in toady tonguenag sidekick. COMPLETly FREE!
# posted by : 7:23 AM
: 7:23 AM
The Pancake, while 100% douche and with a hott to be remembered, will likely get a haircut and some nail polish remover and be living in the 'burbs soon. While always being able to remember the days as a world class scrote, he will shamefully go back to being a simple rich proctologist.
Armani must win though. He will never be any but the biggest douche he can be. His hott...whoah. And his ability to attract douchies in his league seal it. If that guy had his whole face on the screen my laptop would have shortcircuited from the puke. As it is, the Cisco that I spit out dried fine.
Both deserve the hall of scrote.
Turtle saw this site and realized that he could get some bleeth ass as a douche. He doesn't really feel it. I think he forgot to buy some axe. He will be at Nebraska going to law school in the fall.
Small package is fantastic. I don't know what to say about him but I don't think he should win anything ever.
Armani must win though. He will never be any but the biggest douche he can be. His hott...whoah. And his ability to attract douchies in his league seal it. If that guy had his whole face on the screen my laptop would have shortcircuited from the puke. As it is, the Cisco that I spit out dried fine.
Both deserve the hall of scrote.
Turtle saw this site and realized that he could get some bleeth ass as a douche. He doesn't really feel it. I think he forgot to buy some axe. He will be at Nebraska going to law school in the fall.
Small package is fantastic. I don't know what to say about him but I don't think he should win anything ever.
# posted by : 7:23 AM
: 7:23 AM
Yeah, I just feel sorry for the small package, like that is the only shirt that he could afford on migrant wages.
Turtleman's just a tool, and pancake's got the asian handicap going on.
Its tighty armani ftw. He's clearly trying too hard and that smirk makes me want to slap him with a dumbell.
Turtleman's just a tool, and pancake's got the asian handicap going on.
Its tighty armani ftw. He's clearly trying too hard and that smirk makes me want to slap him with a dumbell.
# posted by : 7:25 AM
: 7:25 AM
It has to be T/A for the win.
For the simple fact that he wore that shirt in public, weaving a tapestry of douche for generations to come. A true artisan in the realm of douche.
For the simple fact that he wore that shirt in public, weaving a tapestry of douche for generations to come. A true artisan in the realm of douche.
@ douche shower & shave:
Stiffing your waiter is about as douchey as it gets.
That said...
I didn't vote for small package in the weekly and I can finally put words to it: Bringing your blow up doll to the clubs is far more retarded than douchey. And honestly-! slipping YOURSELF a roofie...??!??
Turtleman... Look at the bottle of The Works. Look Closely! That's right! A WEDDING RING!!!!!! His douche has been tamed! Sure, three months ago he was out and about: young, fit, punker-cute with just enough bad boy to make a girl think she could change him... But now? Subdouched by Sweet Polly Stateschool. He's a kept douche. She will win the bread so that he may devote his life to fighting grime wherever it may reside. Starting with the bathroom sink and ending with his forehead.
---Nice Dahmer reference, DB1. I met him once...
I went to high school with a guy like Tighty Armani. We had Art I together. He needed to fill an elective to get his wrestling scholarship. I would create fine renerings and impress the ladies. He would do work for other classes and ask me how to spell Weightroom. A year later he and I ran into each other at a club. We fought a bunch of nazi skins with gusto! TA, there could be a nice guy in there, but for now you're just dumb.
The Pancake takes it this month. The Captain Jack Scrotow look is nauseating enough, but add to it the cutest girl here... He is a Chinese bootleg douche who needs to have his torch extinguished as he moves far, far away from her Tibetan peaks. Pancake FTW.
Stiffing your waiter is about as douchey as it gets.
That said...
I didn't vote for small package in the weekly and I can finally put words to it: Bringing your blow up doll to the clubs is far more retarded than douchey. And honestly-! slipping YOURSELF a roofie...??!??
Turtleman... Look at the bottle of The Works. Look Closely! That's right! A WEDDING RING!!!!!! His douche has been tamed! Sure, three months ago he was out and about: young, fit, punker-cute with just enough bad boy to make a girl think she could change him... But now? Subdouched by Sweet Polly Stateschool. He's a kept douche. She will win the bread so that he may devote his life to fighting grime wherever it may reside. Starting with the bathroom sink and ending with his forehead.
---Nice Dahmer reference, DB1. I met him once...
I went to high school with a guy like Tighty Armani. We had Art I together. He needed to fill an elective to get his wrestling scholarship. I would create fine renerings and impress the ladies. He would do work for other classes and ask me how to spell Weightroom. A year later he and I ran into each other at a club. We fought a bunch of nazi skins with gusto! TA, there could be a nice guy in there, but for now you're just dumb.
The Pancake takes it this month. The Captain Jack Scrotow look is nauseating enough, but add to it the cutest girl here... He is a Chinese bootleg douche who needs to have his torch extinguished as he moves far, far away from her Tibetan peaks. Pancake FTW.
I thought we live in a world where we are judged not by the color of our skin but the amount douche grease we exude through our pores. In this case Pancake by far is the winner.
What does this innocent piece of purity have to show for her peace crops work, this picture with a down-on-his-luck pirate. Im assuming the finger was to his first mate who got tired of him and threw him overboard. Seeing this picture makes me change my previously negative opinion on the Vietnam War. For that I want to cover his body in peanut butter and ship him off to an elephant mating ground.
What does this innocent piece of purity have to show for her peace crops work, this picture with a down-on-his-luck pirate. Im assuming the finger was to his first mate who got tired of him and threw him overboard. Seeing this picture makes me change my previously negative opinion on the Vietnam War. For that I want to cover his body in peanut butter and ship him off to an elephant mating ground.
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
I think I'll vote for The Pancake , even if I take the risk to have pumpy's minion -T.A- insert his 'bag gesture directly into my eyes out of jealousy , or just because he can.
Sorry T.A, but just looking at pancake ,you can feel your mind sinking as thousands of tiny gay pirates board your common sense of aesthetic ,dragging it down to the abyssal douche hell ,where manscara/black fingernail combo aggravated by hideous facial pubes pattern, can actually attract ,or should I say trap, young and innocent bleeth-free honey drops.
Oh wait, I guess that's just the world we live in.
I need a drink
P.S: I would have voted for Dog without any hesitation , seed of the forbidden union of pumpy (yes, again) and the oh so underestimated blow fish
Senn
Sorry T.A, but just looking at pancake ,you can feel your mind sinking as thousands of tiny gay pirates board your common sense of aesthetic ,dragging it down to the abyssal douche hell ,where manscara/black fingernail combo aggravated by hideous facial pubes pattern, can actually attract ,or should I say trap, young and innocent bleeth-free honey drops.
Oh wait, I guess that's just the world we live in.
I need a drink
P.S: I would have voted for Dog without any hesitation , seed of the forbidden union of pumpy (yes, again) and the oh so underestimated blow fish
Senn
# posted by : 7:38 AM
: 7:38 AM
Pancake for the monthly. While T/A is a close second, the eyeliner puts Pancake over the top. Also, the fake-hardass routine with him flipping off the camera makes me want to beat him with a shovel. And his Hott's cleavite is just enough to put everyone on notice that spectacular goodness awaits. All hail Pancake! And by hail, I mean fling poo at.
# posted by : 7:38 AM
: 7:38 AM
A question, one would think Turd Flush would be on this list I mean anything that comes out of your ass and is by definition solid waste would a contender no?
# posted by : 7:39 AM
: 7:39 AM
I have to go for Tighty Armani. His douchitude is a little more subtle and hidden than the rest. But deep down, in places he doesn't like to talk about, lies his very strong 'bag within. And that he cannot deny.
Plus, the overwhelming number of 'bag hand gestures is making me dizzy.
Plus, the overwhelming number of 'bag hand gestures is making me dizzy.
Small package, no question, not only is he douchebag, but a filthy looking one at that. at least the other 2 look sorta clean, but man!, just looking at that pile of steam makes me want to go get a shot of antibiotics.
Turdacious
Turdacious
# posted by : 7:47 AM
: 7:47 AM
At first this seemed like a tough call between contestants #1 and #2, but, in the end, The Pancake should win handily. And by handily, I mean fuck you too, Pancake.
I like Jane's Addiction's music, and Dave Navarro is a quality guitar player, but he is also one huge, all too frequently barechested douchebag. This slightly more latin knock off here is far worse. And he's giving me a black nailed middle finger. You're going down, Flapjack.
Doe-eyed innocent cutie Hott with cleavite hinting of perky fun has no idea what she's getting herself into. Soon, they'll be living in a motel while she sells herself to finance their drug habits. Just a gut feeling.
That's one for the short stack.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
I like Jane's Addiction's music, and Dave Navarro is a quality guitar player, but he is also one huge, all too frequently barechested douchebag. This slightly more latin knock off here is far worse. And he's giving me a black nailed middle finger. You're going down, Flapjack.
Doe-eyed innocent cutie Hott with cleavite hinting of perky fun has no idea what she's getting herself into. Soon, they'll be living in a motel while she sells herself to finance their drug habits. Just a gut feeling.
That's one for the short stack.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 7:53 AM
: 7:53 AM
While I hate Tighty Armani, as a scrawny guy i have a degree of respect for a beefed up guying acting like he's hot shit...while i hate it, anthropologically speaking it's normal and even encouragable (hence him having the hottest hott).
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
# posted by : 7:59 AM
: 7:59 AM
While I hate Tighty Armani, as a scrawny guy i have a degree of respect for a beefed up guying acting like he's hot shit...while i hate it, anthropologically speaking it's normal and even encouragable (hence him having the hottest hott).
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
# posted by : 7:59 AM
: 7:59 AM
While I hate Tighty Armani, as a scrawny guy i have a degree of respect for a beefed up guying acting like he's hot shit...while i hate it, anthropologically speaking it's normal and even encouragable (hence him having the hottest hott).
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
This being the case (and also understanding that Asian rocker- lookingguys are gonna do what they're gonna do) I have to vote for the Turtle...I gather he's a definite underdog in this contest but he's a smug little pretty boy fuck.
from what I can see- barring his parent's potential wealth or his ability to pretty himself up, he has no reason to think he's anything but a little punk.
Id be a pretty even match-up for a boxing match, in which id tear him apart.
Turtle FTW and I need coffee
Army of Douche-ness...
# posted by : 7:59 AM
: 7:59 AM
All these votes for the pancake and TA. They are no doubt douches, but i gotta give my vote to the turtle. I think small package guy pales in comparison to the other 3.
Turtle just encompasses all that is douche. 2, count em 2 pieces of neck bling. And one is a dog tag. Big ass bling earrings. Probably the douchiest hairstyle this site has seen, with maybe the exception of supernova or the rooster. Pink shirt WITH a popped collar. Wallet chain. And Jeans that he paid 50 bucks extra for because they were already torn. Not to mention his hottie is the least bleethed of the 4, and has the wholesome good looks of a girl next door that you would love to slam your meat into.
Turtle just encompasses all that is douche. 2, count em 2 pieces of neck bling. And one is a dog tag. Big ass bling earrings. Probably the douchiest hairstyle this site has seen, with maybe the exception of supernova or the rooster. Pink shirt WITH a popped collar. Wallet chain. And Jeans that he paid 50 bucks extra for because they were already torn. Not to mention his hottie is the least bleethed of the 4, and has the wholesome good looks of a girl next door that you would love to slam your meat into.
# posted by : 8:25 AM
: 8:25 AM
has to be small package. what a douche. what a hott. what a small package. what a smirk. what i would love to do with scandinavian giant.
# posted by : 8:30 AM
: 8:30 AM
This one's hard. All four hotts do it for me, though Tighty Armani's gives me a high-maintenance vibe, which I am not really down with.
I especially like the tall one with Small Package. One, I'm 6'3", so tall women are pretty awesome, IMHO. Just a better fit. Two, as I originally stated, I bet she's kinda sweaty and salty. That's hot.
On the 'bag side of the ledger, Tighty Armani walks away with it. As one commenter stated, he's so big he's even attracted his own douche satellites. Plus, he recruited his boys and came on here and started talking mad shit. Only a true wankstain would give two fucks about what the internet was saying about him. It walks like a douche and lifts 'roids like a douche. And you can bet we're not the only people who think so. Stealth chin pubes seal it.
I especially like the tall one with Small Package. One, I'm 6'3", so tall women are pretty awesome, IMHO. Just a better fit. Two, as I originally stated, I bet she's kinda sweaty and salty. That's hot.
On the 'bag side of the ledger, Tighty Armani walks away with it. As one commenter stated, he's so big he's even attracted his own douche satellites. Plus, he recruited his boys and came on here and started talking mad shit. Only a true wankstain would give two fucks about what the internet was saying about him. It walks like a douche and lifts 'roids like a douche. And you can bet we're not the only people who think so. Stealth chin pubes seal it.
I'm going to validate your risky inclusion of the Pancake by casting my vote for him. His hott is just as hott as any of the others and his douche-ness outdoes the rest.
The Turtle a.k.a. Yu-Gi-Oh is just trying too damn hard. He'll have a new style next week, it's all just so superficial. He isn't 'being the ball.'
Small Package was just born ugly and I still say that his hott isn't really with him, somehow he just managed to get a picture. She isn't even happy to be standing there.
The only other real challenger is Tighty Armani, but he's just so unoriginal. He also lacks commitment to douche-itude. He could wake up tomorrow, put on normal clothes, shave off his chinstrap, then he would look just like anybody else. He hasn't made any permanent choices here. But oh how I love his Hott.
So, it goes to Pancake. He has chosen a more permanent douche look and embraced it fully. If he were given a choice between wearing black nail polish to look cool giving the finger in photos or preventing the chick from getting bored with his overall tooliness, he'd choose to keep the nail polish. That makes him a winner.
The Turtle a.k.a. Yu-Gi-Oh is just trying too damn hard. He'll have a new style next week, it's all just so superficial. He isn't 'being the ball.'
Small Package was just born ugly and I still say that his hott isn't really with him, somehow he just managed to get a picture. She isn't even happy to be standing there.
The only other real challenger is Tighty Armani, but he's just so unoriginal. He also lacks commitment to douche-itude. He could wake up tomorrow, put on normal clothes, shave off his chinstrap, then he would look just like anybody else. He hasn't made any permanent choices here. But oh how I love his Hott.
So, it goes to Pancake. He has chosen a more permanent douche look and embraced it fully. If he were given a choice between wearing black nail polish to look cool giving the finger in photos or preventing the chick from getting bored with his overall tooliness, he'd choose to keep the nail polish. That makes him a winner.
OHHOLYCRAP!!!
T/A came on here and I MISSED IT???!!!???????
FUCKALL!
BTW, I didn't say it before, but I wouldn't touch his hott with small package's dick.
T/A came on here and I MISSED IT???!!!???????
FUCKALL!
BTW, I didn't say it before, but I wouldn't touch his hott with small package's dick.
I believe that each douchbag is a movie, and HCwDB is the most glorious multiplex in the most sprawling suburban Mini-Mall. The kind with 21 and over showings where you can order beer and watch IMAX movies at the same time.
Like movies, each douchebag gives us different emotions - some fill us with awe, some with horror, some give us hope, and some give us the unadulterated truth about human nature.
These are all great douches, classics even. Undeniable scoteness achieved through the vision of men staring through what appear to be women's sunglasses.
But sometimes, a douch is so simple and pure that we look past his rough exterior and look straight to the heart.
And then we laugh. Heartily.
And when we laugh, we connect with each other and we remember that it's not always about the biggest douche or the bleethiest hott, but it's about that simple communication of Hot Chicks with Douchbags.
That's why I'm voting for The Small Package. An obviously short guy who claims a big ego and to be long as a cod and round as a tuna can.
Of course, I think the only way this is possible is if that confused, wrinkled forehead is not the failed attempt at a facial expression, but it is actually the wrinkled, diamond studded scrote of a 4' 11" wiener of ambiguous ethnicity.
Yes, my friends, The Small Package doesn't just claim to have a big dick, he is one.
Like movies, each douchebag gives us different emotions - some fill us with awe, some with horror, some give us hope, and some give us the unadulterated truth about human nature.
These are all great douches, classics even. Undeniable scoteness achieved through the vision of men staring through what appear to be women's sunglasses.
But sometimes, a douch is so simple and pure that we look past his rough exterior and look straight to the heart.
And then we laugh. Heartily.
And when we laugh, we connect with each other and we remember that it's not always about the biggest douche or the bleethiest hott, but it's about that simple communication of Hot Chicks with Douchbags.
That's why I'm voting for The Small Package. An obviously short guy who claims a big ego and to be long as a cod and round as a tuna can.
Of course, I think the only way this is possible is if that confused, wrinkled forehead is not the failed attempt at a facial expression, but it is actually the wrinkled, diamond studded scrote of a 4' 11" wiener of ambiguous ethnicity.
Yes, my friends, The Small Package doesn't just claim to have a big dick, he is one.
# posted by : 8:47 AM
: 8:47 AM
Tighty. I think he's wearing mascara. he's much more Gator than Pumpy, and that's really not what we're looking for. There's already plenty of Gator. I think we should throw a #1 tatoo on his arm and lock him and Gator in a room - at one of their spas - and only the winner gets a manicure.
Bleeth Withers Poon
Bleeth Withers Poon
# posted by : 8:53 AM
: 8:53 AM
Definitely a close one today, but I'd give the edge to pancake.
for the others, small package has a look on his face that he might be retarded, in which case the hottie is throwing him a small bone by taking a pic with him. If not, and the camera was snapped at the right time, well, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
For turtleman, he looks more the misguided weiner than a douch, but snapping that collar up should catch enough wind for him to sail to the land of douchey.
TA has his minions around him, but the girl looks at him with all the enthusiasm of a Captain Morgan girl doing a 2 hour sales event in a crap bar. His sneer is obnoxious, but makes me want to turn away, not puke.
The Pancake, however, gets the vote. Just the look on his face, that horrid, train wreck of flesh and fur makes me gag bigtime. And perky Marsha Brady on the left, so wholesome, so deserving of my fluids, why oh why oh why is she with him? So send him back over the border to his casa, or to the boat of Korean pirates he fell off of, or to wherever he came from, but let him stop momentarily to view his visage in the Hall of Scrote, where he belongs.
for the others, small package has a look on his face that he might be retarded, in which case the hottie is throwing him a small bone by taking a pic with him. If not, and the camera was snapped at the right time, well, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
For turtleman, he looks more the misguided weiner than a douch, but snapping that collar up should catch enough wind for him to sail to the land of douchey.
TA has his minions around him, but the girl looks at him with all the enthusiasm of a Captain Morgan girl doing a 2 hour sales event in a crap bar. His sneer is obnoxious, but makes me want to turn away, not puke.
The Pancake, however, gets the vote. Just the look on his face, that horrid, train wreck of flesh and fur makes me gag bigtime. And perky Marsha Brady on the left, so wholesome, so deserving of my fluids, why oh why oh why is she with him? So send him back over the border to his casa, or to the boat of Korean pirates he fell off of, or to wherever he came from, but let him stop momentarily to view his visage in the Hall of Scrote, where he belongs.
# posted by : 8:55 AM
: 8:55 AM
I keep scrolling up and down looking for the Dog, but he's not in the running......? Dog is EPIC.
Ehhh.
It's between T/A and Pancake, clearly.
Tighty Armani is classic douchebag; if douchebags were shirts he'd be a crisp white Oxford.
T/A ftw.
Ehhh.
It's between T/A and Pancake, clearly.
Tighty Armani is classic douchebag; if douchebags were shirts he'd be a crisp white Oxford.
T/A ftw.
Im going to go out on a limb here and pick Chim Chim, aka Cheetah, aka Australopithecus Afarensis, aka the Hobbit from the Mexican Shire. That T shirt can only be worn by a true and utter dick.
I like the blonde, but I wouldnt call a 5'4" girl an amazon.
the other contenders are worthy, Dave Navarro and his emo doucheitude certaily is a viable option. Tighty Armani is annoying but he might be legally retarded so i will give him a pass. finally while I dig turtleman's girl next door and abhor his style, he gets a pass for clearly being a gaybag. he would win if this site was called Faghagswithgaybags.com
I like the blonde, but I wouldnt call a 5'4" girl an amazon.
the other contenders are worthy, Dave Navarro and his emo doucheitude certaily is a viable option. Tighty Armani is annoying but he might be legally retarded so i will give him a pass. finally while I dig turtleman's girl next door and abhor his style, he gets a pass for clearly being a gaybag. he would win if this site was called Faghagswithgaybags.com
# posted by : 9:04 AM
: 9:04 AM
Gotta go with the Pancake. Mandana, neck tattoo, cock-n-balls, face pubes, makeup, nail polish, smoking hottie, he's got 'em all. I guarantee there's a douche bracelet out of frame.
# posted by : 9:07 AM
: 9:07 AM
T/A wins. Turtleman is obviously gay and looks like a twelve year old that was kidnapped by a DB and forced live the DB way. Pancake would get his ass kicked if he talked shit to anyone on the street. T/A actually looks like he can do some damage, so therefore is the biggest DB of all. JPE forever.
#4 Turtleman. The vacant look, his happy little hott. Douche, but not douche enough for the monthly.
#3 The Small Package. His white trash skeeze is clearly uninterested. And WTF is up with that head? He looks like someone already took a pipe wrench to that nugget (deservedly so) so I say nay to TSP.
#2 The Pancake. Now we have truly taken the A train to Scroteville. The mandana, the bling, the scowl, the nail, the sweet midwestern nugget of deliciousness.....but...
Tighty Armani cannot be defeated. The posse of lesser douche cling-ons, the rage inducing smirk, the stupid shirt. But what puts him over the top is the look on the face of the not completely Bleethed morsel staring up him adoringly. Staring up at that tiny, chin strapped, big fake diamond earring wearing, douche head.
TA is 'bag to the bone. Escape before it is too late pretty one.
TA FTW.
#3 The Small Package. His white trash skeeze is clearly uninterested. And WTF is up with that head? He looks like someone already took a pipe wrench to that nugget (deservedly so) so I say nay to TSP.
#2 The Pancake. Now we have truly taken the A train to Scroteville. The mandana, the bling, the scowl, the nail, the sweet midwestern nugget of deliciousness.....but...
Tighty Armani cannot be defeated. The posse of lesser douche cling-ons, the rage inducing smirk, the stupid shirt. But what puts him over the top is the look on the face of the not completely Bleethed morsel staring up him adoringly. Staring up at that tiny, chin strapped, big fake diamond earring wearing, douche head.
TA is 'bag to the bone. Escape before it is too late pretty one.
TA FTW.
# posted by : 9:08 AM
: 9:08 AM
Tighty Armani hands down.
Pancake is a mild douche at best.
Turtleman is ridiculous, but his expression is too vacant to evoke my ire.
Small Package, while infuriating, is more pitiful and douchey. His shirt cries for attention in ways that most people can't even comprehend, and guarantees that he will never get laid for the rest of his life. I say leave him to destroy himself.
Tighty Armani, though, embodies the duality of the douche. On the one hand, he's got the muscles and the self confidence to actually get girls (including the hottest hott of the batch). On the other, he's got the smirk, chin-pubes, and tiny tiny designer shirt that makes him a complete and utter douche. It is this combination of annoying to men and attractive to women that makes him the only real choice for douchebag of the month.
Pancake is a mild douche at best.
Turtleman is ridiculous, but his expression is too vacant to evoke my ire.
Small Package, while infuriating, is more pitiful and douchey. His shirt cries for attention in ways that most people can't even comprehend, and guarantees that he will never get laid for the rest of his life. I say leave him to destroy himself.
Tighty Armani, though, embodies the duality of the douche. On the one hand, he's got the muscles and the self confidence to actually get girls (including the hottest hott of the batch). On the other, he's got the smirk, chin-pubes, and tiny tiny designer shirt that makes him a complete and utter douche. It is this combination of annoying to men and attractive to women that makes him the only real choice for douchebag of the month.
# posted by : 9:12 AM
: 9:12 AM
I generally admit that this is not legit, but I'm going to compare the non-monthly pics of the 2 douchiest entries for this contest, Pancake v. Tighty.
Tighty's "name that bag" pic is certainly douchie- mandana with 90 degree trucker hat tilt is deplorable. However, Saturday morning pancake is what being a total douchebag is all about.
This jack sparrow mother fucker is supreme, blow my brains out, scrote. Fuck that guy. And his hotts are so willing to touch him, its simply too enraging. He reminds me of a certain past winner, the Roosterwank- that hair that must cost $200 a month to maintain- total bullshit.
So, I don't have anything clever to add to this monthly argument, but Pancake has my vote based on the Saturday pic.
And Fuck Fish Slap too...
Tighty's "name that bag" pic is certainly douchie- mandana with 90 degree trucker hat tilt is deplorable. However, Saturday morning pancake is what being a total douchebag is all about.
This jack sparrow mother fucker is supreme, blow my brains out, scrote. Fuck that guy. And his hotts are so willing to touch him, its simply too enraging. He reminds me of a certain past winner, the Roosterwank- that hair that must cost $200 a month to maintain- total bullshit.
So, I don't have anything clever to add to this monthly argument, but Pancake has my vote based on the Saturday pic.
And Fuck Fish Slap too...
# posted by : 9:15 AM
: 9:15 AM
captain jack douche pancake ftw. what the hell is wrong with that dude... good god.
# posted by : 9:15 AM
: 9:15 AM
Pancake all the way. Anyone who tries that hard to look like Cap'n Jack Sparrow but only looks like Corporal Douche Swallows, has to win.
I hope a bus parks on his face.
--El Douche Grande
I hope a bus parks on his face.
--El Douche Grande
# posted by : 9:16 AM
: 9:16 AM
I must vote for the Small Package. His incredible freakiness is balanced by the hot's incredible hotness.
Tighty Armani by a mile...First, his tasty vanilla scoop is looking a little frustrated with all the posturing and collective aresol fumes from this greasy crew...
But Tighty is the American douche for the melting-pot millennium...Is he Arab? Eastern Euro? Southern Euro? Persian? Latin? Afrikaaner? Who the fuck knows, but one thing is certain, he shows the transcendence of scrotedom in its most ethereal existence and blackens all of our souls, no matter where we trace our lineage...If something can bring together the races through mutual accusation and acceptance of each culture's excesses, its the universal hatred of this asshole. Brothas get a pass on this one.
But Tighty is the American douche for the melting-pot millennium...Is he Arab? Eastern Euro? Southern Euro? Persian? Latin? Afrikaaner? Who the fuck knows, but one thing is certain, he shows the transcendence of scrotedom in its most ethereal existence and blackens all of our souls, no matter where we trace our lineage...If something can bring together the races through mutual accusation and acceptance of each culture's excesses, its the universal hatred of this asshole. Brothas get a pass on this one.
# posted by : 9:18 AM
: 9:18 AM
If the criteria were who's ass would you like to kick longest and hardest than Small Package would definitely win by a landslide.
Unfortunately it is not, and it is clear that Tighty Armani, much like Lex Luger, is the total package; jack-off smirk, hair gel, chin strap, Armani Exhange shirt, hand gestures galore, a sweet doe eyed hott in a headlock, and the juicy turd on this banana douche sundae, the lame potentially latent homosexual sidekick.
This is as close to douche perfection as it gets. Any closer and matter would simply vanish as if we had reached Zero Kelvin.
Tight Armanic for the monthly!
Unfortunately it is not, and it is clear that Tighty Armani, much like Lex Luger, is the total package; jack-off smirk, hair gel, chin strap, Armani Exhange shirt, hand gestures galore, a sweet doe eyed hott in a headlock, and the juicy turd on this banana douche sundae, the lame potentially latent homosexual sidekick.
This is as close to douche perfection as it gets. Any closer and matter would simply vanish as if we had reached Zero Kelvin.
Tight Armanic for the monthly!
Surely you jest. As though there is any real contest here. The clear winner is The Small Package. Just look at the guy. I was having a hard time deciding until his scrotehead showed up.
Don't get me wrong, Tighty Armani has many sac-ish qualities in his favor. To be sure, he is quite the viable candidate. But what you get with The Small Package is experience. Who do you want answering that booty call at 3 AM? Who would you prefer to voilate your daughter? Exactly. If your sweet Tyffyni came home with Tighty Armani, or Small Package, which would infuriate you more?
As stated by Anselmi, the perfect douchebag is that douchebag than which no greater douchebag can be conceived. As such that must be the standard to which we compare. The perfect douchebag would cause any hott's father to explode in a vicious rage. So were you that father, wouldn't you be all the more upset if your precious princess showed up with The Small Package on her dainty arms? Of course.
Don't get me wrong, Tighty Armani has many sac-ish qualities in his favor. To be sure, he is quite the viable candidate. But what you get with The Small Package is experience. Who do you want answering that booty call at 3 AM? Who would you prefer to voilate your daughter? Exactly. If your sweet Tyffyni came home with Tighty Armani, or Small Package, which would infuriate you more?
As stated by Anselmi, the perfect douchebag is that douchebag than which no greater douchebag can be conceived. As such that must be the standard to which we compare. The perfect douchebag would cause any hott's father to explode in a vicious rage. So were you that father, wouldn't you be all the more upset if your precious princess showed up with The Small Package on her dainty arms? Of course.
Small package in a walk. Any direct reference to one's penis makes that douche's douchiness near indouchsurmountable.
Douche.
Douche.
# posted by : 9:28 AM
: 9:28 AM
Small package actually evokes pity, so he does not deserve the award. Hottie appears to have just woken up from a 15 year sleep - she clearly has no idea where she is.
Turtleman is a Douchebag in training. In a few more years, with just the right kind of facial hair and bar setting (he may not be of a legal drinking age). The hott also needs to learn a few things about exposing midriff, cleavage, smiling without appearing happy. Keep trying, Turtleman and Hott.
Pancake may be struggling - the amount of effort he put into arriving at this state suggests he has some identity crisis - he had to put conscious thought into applying the nail polish, affixing the bandana, etc. Hard to say of he went too far or not far enough. The girl, however, approaches perfection.
Tighty Armani for the win. The source of the essence of douchebaggery may be a mystery, but here is the end result. And the possible threat of him actually devouring Blondie is appearant.
Turtleman is a Douchebag in training. In a few more years, with just the right kind of facial hair and bar setting (he may not be of a legal drinking age). The hott also needs to learn a few things about exposing midriff, cleavage, smiling without appearing happy. Keep trying, Turtleman and Hott.
Pancake may be struggling - the amount of effort he put into arriving at this state suggests he has some identity crisis - he had to put conscious thought into applying the nail polish, affixing the bandana, etc. Hard to say of he went too far or not far enough. The girl, however, approaches perfection.
Tighty Armani for the win. The source of the essence of douchebaggery may be a mystery, but here is the end result. And the possible threat of him actually devouring Blondie is appearant.
If this were hotchickswithdelightfullyharmlesscartooncharacters.com, then I could cast my vote for Turtle (fuck you, Hollister), Pancake (fuck you, Hot Topic) and especially Small Package (fuck you, Baby Gap).
But Armani is why we all spend our days here. And he's why prisons are overcrowded.
But Armani is why we all spend our days here. And he's why prisons are overcrowded.
Wow, we have four very fine specimens. I have never shared the love for Turtleman.
Small Package could be MC after a hard hit and a novelty Tee, so I'm passing on him until I see more evidence.
Tighty and Pancake are equally full of Scrote-'tude and I tip the scale a bit to Tighty's hott. Also, Pancake might actually have a redeemable talent (here's to you, Senor Squash). On my slate I have Tighty by a friggin landslide.
Tighty's signals are superior, the chin strap much mightier than the mandana, he's got an entourage, his hott is hottier, he's posing down on the lens. Good God he's a work of Scroteous Art.
Small Package could be MC after a hard hit and a novelty Tee, so I'm passing on him until I see more evidence.
Tighty and Pancake are equally full of Scrote-'tude and I tip the scale a bit to Tighty's hott. Also, Pancake might actually have a redeemable talent (here's to you, Senor Squash). On my slate I have Tighty by a friggin landslide.
Tighty's signals are superior, the chin strap much mightier than the mandana, he's got an entourage, his hott is hottier, he's posing down on the lens. Good God he's a work of Scroteous Art.
Turtleman.
I know he's not getting much love here, but that's the point. He's a douche and I hate him and his pink popped striped shirt and his bottle of cleaner. Plus his hott is my favorite.
I know he's not getting much love here, but that's the point. He's a douche and I hate him and his pink popped striped shirt and his bottle of cleaner. Plus his hott is my favorite.
# posted by : 9:42 AM
: 9:42 AM
tough call between tightee and turtle boy. and by tough, i mean one more chew of the proverbial steak of deliberation.
pink poppeds are wrong in any country. but wearing an armani t-shirt that stretches your budget and your HGH addled arms? well, that's wrong in any galaxy.
tighty by one lick of greasy well done skirt steak.
pink poppeds are wrong in any country. but wearing an armani t-shirt that stretches your budget and your HGH addled arms? well, that's wrong in any galaxy.
tighty by one lick of greasy well done skirt steak.
my vote goes to twits who write a 1000 word essay for thier comment.
get a life.
im voting for turtleman coz he fights crime with a bottle of kitchen cleaner.
and coz id marry his blondie
get a life.
im voting for turtleman coz he fights crime with a bottle of kitchen cleaner.
and coz id marry his blondie
# posted by : 9:43 AM
: 9:43 AM
Wow I just have so much hatred for both Pancake and TA. Both should have their testicles devoured by crazed otters. But its only fair that I give all my hatred to one of them. I must therefore examine the intensity of their hotties. OK pancake takes my vote not just because I want to go spelunking in his hotties birth canal but also because I delight in the idea of leaving him in a lions den with only his guitar for protection.
# posted by : 9:48 AM
: 9:48 AM
LMAO at Bleeth Withers Poon.
Small tippers are dicks. I hope the Golden Shower was kidding. Thanks for the call out Clem.
Small tippers are dicks. I hope the Golden Shower was kidding. Thanks for the call out Clem.
It's been weeks that have passed, but Package for some reason is still pissing me off. Compared to the other scrotes he needs a little more seasoning, but none of the other wastes of skin and air deserve a kick in the nads with a spiked steel-toe quite like Package. He's the scrote that gets my vote.
# posted by : 9:55 AM
: 9:55 AM
I change my vote to douchewannabe.
coz hes a twit hoo cant grasp the english langwadje
get an education
coz hes a twit hoo cant grasp the english langwadje
get an education
The Turtleman is too nice a guy to win -- he looks lost and a little frightened. He has a look on his face that says, "God, I look preposterous."
There us a certain self-awareness in his gaze -- an automatic douchequalification.
It has to go to the Small Package. At least Armani could kick my ass if I pointed out to him that he is a douche -- the Small Package would incur a savage beating at my hands and, rather than being aided by several 'roided-up Jersey assbags, people (including his disaffected companion) would likely laugh and throw beer bottles at his ravaged, miniature corpse.
That shirt -- as well as the fact that it was worn in public ... as well as the fact that it was worn as an obvious result of a deep-rooted Napoleon complex -- is the root of all poo.
There us a certain self-awareness in his gaze -- an automatic douchequalification.
It has to go to the Small Package. At least Armani could kick my ass if I pointed out to him that he is a douche -- the Small Package would incur a savage beating at my hands and, rather than being aided by several 'roided-up Jersey assbags, people (including his disaffected companion) would likely laugh and throw beer bottles at his ravaged, miniature corpse.
That shirt -- as well as the fact that it was worn in public ... as well as the fact that it was worn as an obvious result of a deep-rooted Napoleon complex -- is the root of all poo.
# posted by : 9:56 AM
: 9:56 AM
tighty armani, but only cus i saw his other pic when we had to guess that douche last week. Now i know hes a repeat offender and therefor, super douchey
# posted by : 9:57 AM
: 9:57 AM
Turtleman. Too much wholesome Midwest douchery. His Mom clearly took the picture while he and Susie were helping her clean the house. He’s a big man on the U of Wisconsin-Oshkosh campus, and that’s punishment enough.
The Mighty Tighty A., He just doesn’t work hard enough for it. He’s not reaching for the douche heavens the way the Navarro-Depp Pancake and Turtleman are.
The Small Package. Now we’re talking. Give me a bat. But. . . there’s still an air of pathos about him. Amazonia clearly isn’t into him, she’s probably with the guy who took the picture. Too sad.
So that leaves The Pancake. I think it’s the overall effort that puts him on top. All the factors you mentioned, plus eye make-up. He’s even embarrassed Hottica, who can’t even manage a standard issue ‘I’m-with-Douche’ Pout for the picture. He’s your man.
The Mighty Tighty A., He just doesn’t work hard enough for it. He’s not reaching for the douche heavens the way the Navarro-Depp Pancake and Turtleman are.
The Small Package. Now we’re talking. Give me a bat. But. . . there’s still an air of pathos about him. Amazonia clearly isn’t into him, she’s probably with the guy who took the picture. Too sad.
So that leaves The Pancake. I think it’s the overall effort that puts him on top. All the factors you mentioned, plus eye make-up. He’s even embarrassed Hottica, who can’t even manage a standard issue ‘I’m-with-Douche’ Pout for the picture. He’s your man.
# posted by : 10:03 AM
: 10:03 AM
I'm voting for the Pancake.
The Small Package is more of an annoying gnat rather than a douche and his hott doesn't look all that friendly.
Turtleman's hott is the best girl-next-door of the bunch but he just looks like his woman badly botched his extreme makeover from WarCraft veteran to club boy.
Tighty Armani is the epitome of douche and his buddy having an epileptic seizure frame right makes me want to smack my beer mug right on their foreheads. The hott is absolutely gorgeous but she appears to be high-maintenance. They are made for each other.
The Pancake's hott looks sweet, bubbly and will get you a beer while you watch the game. The douche looks like one of the pirates from Disney's "Swiss Family Robinson." And those pirates got taken out by a prissy family and a great dane! That photo makes me say the most out of all of them: "WTF are you doing with that guy?!"
The Small Package is more of an annoying gnat rather than a douche and his hott doesn't look all that friendly.
Turtleman's hott is the best girl-next-door of the bunch but he just looks like his woman badly botched his extreme makeover from WarCraft veteran to club boy.
Tighty Armani is the epitome of douche and his buddy having an epileptic seizure frame right makes me want to smack my beer mug right on their foreheads. The hott is absolutely gorgeous but she appears to be high-maintenance. They are made for each other.
The Pancake's hott looks sweet, bubbly and will get you a beer while you watch the game. The douche looks like one of the pirates from Disney's "Swiss Family Robinson." And those pirates got taken out by a prissy family and a great dane! That photo makes me say the most out of all of them: "WTF are you doing with that guy?!"
# posted by : 10:05 AM
: 10:05 AM
I'm surprised that nobody has noticed/mentioned Armani's chin stud. If facial jewelry isnt a automatic in for the HCwDB monthly prize, I dont know what is.
# posted by : 10:05 AM
: 10:05 AM
Hmm. Very tough competition this month.
Tighty Armani's never really done it for me. I mean, yes, he's a douche, but there's not actually that much about him that makes me hate him like everyone else. I don't know what it is.
Turtleman has descended on my douche-o-meter. What started as anger towards him has now devolved into pity. And pity does not win you a Monthly.
Which brings my vote to two. Small Package and The Pancake. AS some of you may know, I always consider the aggressiveness factor very highly in terms of douchitude, and both of these wanks have it in excess. But, looking into it further, most of Small Package's douche factor comes from his shirt. Take that away, and you're left with a slightly retarded illegal immigrant.
The Pancake on the other hand, doesn't rely on any one thing, but rather on his look as a whole. Take away the douche-stare, and we're left with what looks like an emo pirate. That away the mandana, and we have one of the worst pop singers to hit Korea in the past century. Take away the nail polish and eyeshadow, and you get a nameless bad guy who gets killed by Tony Jaa in one of his movies. Whichever way you look at it, Pancake comes back with a different way to be a douche, and that takes skill (and by skill, I mean poo).
Pancake gets my vote.
Tighty Armani's never really done it for me. I mean, yes, he's a douche, but there's not actually that much about him that makes me hate him like everyone else. I don't know what it is.
Turtleman has descended on my douche-o-meter. What started as anger towards him has now devolved into pity. And pity does not win you a Monthly.
Which brings my vote to two. Small Package and The Pancake. AS some of you may know, I always consider the aggressiveness factor very highly in terms of douchitude, and both of these wanks have it in excess. But, looking into it further, most of Small Package's douche factor comes from his shirt. Take that away, and you're left with a slightly retarded illegal immigrant.
The Pancake on the other hand, doesn't rely on any one thing, but rather on his look as a whole. Take away the douche-stare, and we're left with what looks like an emo pirate. That away the mandana, and we have one of the worst pop singers to hit Korea in the past century. Take away the nail polish and eyeshadow, and you get a nameless bad guy who gets killed by Tony Jaa in one of his movies. Whichever way you look at it, Pancake comes back with a different way to be a douche, and that takes skill (and by skill, I mean poo).
Pancake gets my vote.
# posted by : 10:06 AM
: 10:06 AM
Write in candidate: Dog. He's so proto douche. He's a committed DB, snake tattoo, cheek stripes, bug glasses. Plus he will kick DB1s ass if he doesn't win.
# posted by : 10:07 AM
: 10:07 AM
Small Package. Nobody over the age of 12 should wear a t-shirt as ridiculous as that.
# posted by : 10:08 AM
: 10:08 AM
RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
the ratio of hot to twat in this image has the greatest disparity of the 4.
RU-FI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
the ratio of hot to twat in this image has the greatest disparity of the 4.
tighty armaniii is all faackkkin dayy ... this guy had gotten so many slampiggs because of this pic .. i saw a girl just grab his johnson in the middle of the bar because she wants to say she hooked up with tighty armani
# posted by : 10:12 AM
: 10:12 AM
just wanna thank whoever put this pic up of me cuz the amount of slammers ive gotten because of it is awsome and the dinkie has gotten stinkie .. so once again thanxxx and imma keep takin pics like this cuz IM ALL DAY LIKE A CLOCK SON
# posted by : 10:16 AM
: 10:16 AM
T/A or Panacake?
I went to the second round of pics...and even then. Pancake with worse hair and vest. T/A with Mandana AND trucker hat. AHH! Can't decide. Because I thought that just wearing a tight shirt wasn't enough, but the trucker hat got me. Might need a Douche-off, but in lieu of that, Pancake FTW.
I went to the second round of pics...and even then. Pancake with worse hair and vest. T/A with Mandana AND trucker hat. AHH! Can't decide. Because I thought that just wearing a tight shirt wasn't enough, but the trucker hat got me. Might need a Douche-off, but in lieu of that, Pancake FTW.
# posted by : 10:22 AM
: 10:22 AM
It's a two horse race (can't vote for retards or douchebags who are smiling).
So, Pancake or Tighty Armani?
I was going for Pancake until I realized he probably plays guitar. That makes him a rockstar (albeit, a wannabe). He does play guitar, right? What else would explain the attire other than it's "for the fans".
What's TA's excuse? Doesn't have one.
My vote goes to Tighty Armani.
So, Pancake or Tighty Armani?
I was going for Pancake until I realized he probably plays guitar. That makes him a rockstar (albeit, a wannabe). He does play guitar, right? What else would explain the attire other than it's "for the fans".
What's TA's excuse? Doesn't have one.
My vote goes to Tighty Armani.
# posted by : 10:30 AM
: 10:30 AM
Man oh man go for small package. He's so douche-y that I can smell the stench through my monitor.
Small Package should win on the dumb shirt alone but nooooo....he has to make that douche face.
Honorable mention to Armani Douche ONLY because of the jerkoff on the right.
Small Package should win on the dumb shirt alone but nooooo....he has to make that douche face.
Honorable mention to Armani Douche ONLY because of the jerkoff on the right.
I second Clementine's vote change for douchewannabe, who reminds long-winded commenters that it's I before E, especially in THIER.
this is actually tough.
my immediate instinct is to go with the wee one, but he's too low on the scrotum pole. i feel like other douchebags are embarassed by him.
turtle's out.
pancake and TA both have supplemental photos to better evaluate them. pancake looks like a one trick pony to me. TA actually fooled alot of us with his palm pic. despite wanting to recognize quixote's ex;
TA all day, fo' sho'.
my immediate instinct is to go with the wee one, but he's too low on the scrotum pole. i feel like other douchebags are embarassed by him.
turtle's out.
pancake and TA both have supplemental photos to better evaluate them. pancake looks like a one trick pony to me. TA actually fooled alot of us with his palm pic. despite wanting to recognize quixote's ex;
TA all day, fo' sho'.
My guy says Small Package. The tall hott, the shirt from Douche-R-Us, the face that questions his mental fortitude, all are a deadly combination. But alas, SP is merely a poser. His mom describes him as 'Her little boy' still and he cries himself to sleep every night while he lies alone in his bunk bed.
Tighty Armani though gets my vote. His hott is hotter and clearly slow as she is entranced by him. TA is the guy at the gym who lifts weights next to the biggest mirror while grunting "I'm the man" with every rep. His idiocy is compounded by the fact that he must wear a shirt with the store's name on it so as not to forget where he purchased his douchewear from. Tighty for the Win. I believe that him and Old No. 7 could be very happy together in the HoS.
Tighty Armani though gets my vote. His hott is hotter and clearly slow as she is entranced by him. TA is the guy at the gym who lifts weights next to the biggest mirror while grunting "I'm the man" with every rep. His idiocy is compounded by the fact that he must wear a shirt with the store's name on it so as not to forget where he purchased his douchewear from. Tighty for the Win. I believe that him and Old No. 7 could be very happy together in the HoS.
# posted by : 10:44 AM
: 10:44 AM
The Small Package gets my vote.
It is just one of those photos and he is just one of those guys that doesn't need much razzing from the peanut gallery. He sells himself.
The old saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" goes out the window here. A five second look pretty much reveals this choads story.
And it sucks.
It is just one of those photos and he is just one of those guys that doesn't need much razzing from the peanut gallery. He sells himself.
The old saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" goes out the window here. A five second look pretty much reveals this choads story.
And it sucks.
THE DOG - If I were to look up 'Douchebag' in a Merriam-Webster, there would be a photo of Dog. The black vee neck that is two sizes too small wrapped around what I can only speculate to be the result of a lengthy prison sentence spent pumping iron out in the yard or some sort of triple dose cocktail of anobolic steroid is the cutting edge of douchebaggery. But that is just the start. The real magic that seperates this dog from the pack starts with the serpent up the right arm, surely dog purchased this for a couple packs of smokes or some man love in the joint while serving out his sentence. The hipster facial hair coupled with the oversized sunglasses betrays his policial ambitions. I hereby nominate Dog the mayor of doucheville.
And let's not forget that little asian cupcake on his arm. The trampstamp, the blue eyeliner, the fake breasts, it all adds to the mystique that is Dog. This portrait makes you wonder where they are right this very minute. I would like to think on the back of a motorcycle, headed for some happy hour in the seedy part of town. Or perhaps checking in with the parol officer.
And let's not forget that little asian cupcake on his arm. The trampstamp, the blue eyeliner, the fake breasts, it all adds to the mystique that is Dog. This portrait makes you wonder where they are right this very minute. I would like to think on the back of a motorcycle, headed for some happy hour in the seedy part of town. Or perhaps checking in with the parol officer.
Pancake: If it were up to the HOT in the pictures to win this award, pancake would take it in my book. She's the hottest chick of the 4. But due to the fact she's posing beside a manequin, that disqualifies him automatically due to the fact that he's outside the realm of reality.
Tighty Armani: Just for the simple fact that his chick is throwing up a hand gesture makes her eliminated from the HOT CHICK side of this site.
Turtleman: He's just fucking dumb. Eliminated on ignorance because I believe his douchiness is accidental
So my pick is Small Package. His hot may not be the hottest, but his douchey is definitely the douchiest. ...And so is his ego.
Deuche Baggilo
Tighty Armani: Just for the simple fact that his chick is throwing up a hand gesture makes her eliminated from the HOT CHICK side of this site.
Turtleman: He's just fucking dumb. Eliminated on ignorance because I believe his douchiness is accidental
So my pick is Small Package. His hot may not be the hottest, but his douchey is definitely the douchiest. ...And so is his ego.
Deuche Baggilo
no to small package. he's more of a circus freak than an award-winning scrotebag. plus, his hott ain't that hott.
pancake is definitely a 'bag, but for me, he borders on the professional/johnny depp pirate level. and by johhny depp, i mean butt.
thus, tighty ftw!
pancake is definitely a 'bag, but for me, he borders on the professional/johnny depp pirate level. and by johhny depp, i mean butt.
thus, tighty ftw!
The multitude of hand gestures. Nice Paris Hilton looking hott. (Too flashing a hand gesture) Horrible chin strap pubes. Is that a big fake diamond I see in the ear?? And that awful shirt which his boys told him at the mall was "Balleriffic" This HGH loving douche takes it hands down, and the "Name that Douche" put it over the top for me what with the Mandana and sideways hat. TA FTW, what a douche.
-Et Tu Douche?
-Et Tu Douche?
# posted by : 11:08 AM
: 11:08 AM
A tough decision on a miserable Monday. They all have their own unique "douche-ness" about them.
Turtle is out because his Hott is too wholesome.
Small package is out cause of the look in his Hott's eyes.
Because of the follow up picture of Pancake, he gets my vote.
Pancake FTW.
Turtle is out because his Hott is too wholesome.
Small package is out cause of the look in his Hott's eyes.
Because of the follow up picture of Pancake, he gets my vote.
Pancake FTW.
This month's vote is difficult. Therefore, it may take some nontraditional analysis.
They're all equally douchey. On a scale of 1 to douche, I would give them all 8's. The primary requirements are present - the clothing, the bling, the hair and the Hotts.
In order to come to a conclusion I needed to look at this from a different perspective. How much percieved time do these douches spend preparing themselves to ruin civilization each and every day.
First, Pancake, this is difficult because initially I thought he didn't spend that much time douchepreping, then I noticed the black nail polish on his teeny asian hand. The polish itself must take 15 minutes, by the time he trims his adolescent mustache and chin pubes he's at 30 minutes. His hair is too perfectly messy not to have been "styled". In total, I estimate he spends an hour each day in preparation conforming his look to a Madison Ave trend.
Second, Tighty Armani. He's more of an Jock Douche and relatively speaking, I think he spends the least amount of time compared to the members of this Douche class. I beleive he spends most of his prep time shaving his balls and cleaning the tarnish off the bling. Which in itself can be quite time consuming, given the amount of persperation this douche emits on the dance floor to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy with it."
Third, the cultural holocaust that is "Turtleman". It's hard to even fathom where this bag starts the prep process, so let's go top to bottom. The hairspray costs must just suck dry this kids trust fund. I would say this bag spends an hour and 15 minutes in prep time. That's along time to spend on prep when your just going to have to shower again after an afternoon of fluffing gay porn actors in the Valley.
Last, my personal fav, the Small Package. The aspect of preparation that's most time consuming for this bag is removing the monkey stink. How much GoJo soap and vinegar does this bag go through in a year? Then, there's the matter of shaving his forehead! On top of that, there's an administrative factor involved. You know everytime this little chimp get's loaded he wakes up naked at the Bronx zoo. Ofcourse, he's always free of parasites due to a healthy relationship with Rhoda the Alpha female chimp that can communicate her desires for a banana peanut butter sandwich through an electronic keyboard that costs more than my entire house.
In conclusion, based on the criteria stated above I beleive Turtleman should win the monthly.
They're all equally douchey. On a scale of 1 to douche, I would give them all 8's. The primary requirements are present - the clothing, the bling, the hair and the Hotts.
In order to come to a conclusion I needed to look at this from a different perspective. How much percieved time do these douches spend preparing themselves to ruin civilization each and every day.
First, Pancake, this is difficult because initially I thought he didn't spend that much time douchepreping, then I noticed the black nail polish on his teeny asian hand. The polish itself must take 15 minutes, by the time he trims his adolescent mustache and chin pubes he's at 30 minutes. His hair is too perfectly messy not to have been "styled". In total, I estimate he spends an hour each day in preparation conforming his look to a Madison Ave trend.
Second, Tighty Armani. He's more of an Jock Douche and relatively speaking, I think he spends the least amount of time compared to the members of this Douche class. I beleive he spends most of his prep time shaving his balls and cleaning the tarnish off the bling. Which in itself can be quite time consuming, given the amount of persperation this douche emits on the dance floor to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy with it."
Third, the cultural holocaust that is "Turtleman". It's hard to even fathom where this bag starts the prep process, so let's go top to bottom. The hairspray costs must just suck dry this kids trust fund. I would say this bag spends an hour and 15 minutes in prep time. That's along time to spend on prep when your just going to have to shower again after an afternoon of fluffing gay porn actors in the Valley.
Last, my personal fav, the Small Package. The aspect of preparation that's most time consuming for this bag is removing the monkey stink. How much GoJo soap and vinegar does this bag go through in a year? Then, there's the matter of shaving his forehead! On top of that, there's an administrative factor involved. You know everytime this little chimp get's loaded he wakes up naked at the Bronx zoo. Ofcourse, he's always free of parasites due to a healthy relationship with Rhoda the Alpha female chimp that can communicate her desires for a banana peanut butter sandwich through an electronic keyboard that costs more than my entire house.
In conclusion, based on the criteria stated above I beleive Turtleman should win the monthly.
# posted by : 11:43 AM
: 11:43 AM
This month's vote is difficult. Therefore, it may take some nontraditional analysis.
They're all equally douchey. On a scale of 1 to douche, I would give them all 8's. The primary requirements are present - the clothing, the bling, the hair and the Hotts.
In order to come to a conclusion I needed to look at this from a different perspective. How much percieved time do these douches spend preparing themselves to ruin civilization each and every day.
First, Pancake, this is difficult because initially I thought he didn't spend that much time douchepreping, then I noticed the black nail polish on his teeny asian hand. The polish itself must take 15 minutes, by the time he trims his adolescent mustache and chin pubes he's at 30 minutes. His hair is too perfectly messy not to have been "styled". In total, I estimate he spends an hour each day in preparation conforming his look to a Madison Ave trend.
Second, Tighty Armani. He's more of an Jock Douche and relatively speaking, I think he spends the least amount of time compared to the members of this Douche class. I beleive he spends most of his prep time shaving his balls and cleaning the tarnish off the bling. Which in itself can be quite time consuming, given the amount of persperation this douche emits on the dance floor to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy with it."
Third, the cultural holocaust that is "Turtleman". It's hard to even fathom where this bag starts the prep process, so let's go top to bottom. The hairspray costs must just suck dry this kids trust fund. I would say this bag spends an hour and 15 minutes in prep time. That's along time to spend on prep when your just going to have to shower again after an afternoon of fluffing gay porn actors in the Valley.
Last, my personal fav, the Small Package. The aspect of preparation that's most time consuming for this bag is removing the monkey stink. How much GoJo soap and vinegar does this bag go through in a year? Then, there's the matter of shaving his forehead! On top of that, there's an administrative factor involved. You know everytime this little chimp get's loaded he wakes up naked at the Bronx zoo. Ofcourse, he's always free of parasites due to a healthy relationship with Rhoda the Alpha female chimp that can communicate her desires for a banana peanut butter sandwich through an electronic keyboard that costs more than my entire house.
In conclusion, based on the criteria stated above I beleive Turtleman should win the monthly.
They're all equally douchey. On a scale of 1 to douche, I would give them all 8's. The primary requirements are present - the clothing, the bling, the hair and the Hotts.
In order to come to a conclusion I needed to look at this from a different perspective. How much percieved time do these douches spend preparing themselves to ruin civilization each and every day.
First, Pancake, this is difficult because initially I thought he didn't spend that much time douchepreping, then I noticed the black nail polish on his teeny asian hand. The polish itself must take 15 minutes, by the time he trims his adolescent mustache and chin pubes he's at 30 minutes. His hair is too perfectly messy not to have been "styled". In total, I estimate he spends an hour each day in preparation conforming his look to a Madison Ave trend.
Second, Tighty Armani. He's more of an Jock Douche and relatively speaking, I think he spends the least amount of time compared to the members of this Douche class. I beleive he spends most of his prep time shaving his balls and cleaning the tarnish off the bling. Which in itself can be quite time consuming, given the amount of persperation this douche emits on the dance floor to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy with it."
Third, the cultural holocaust that is "Turtleman". It's hard to even fathom where this bag starts the prep process, so let's go top to bottom. The hairspray costs must just suck dry this kids trust fund. I would say this bag spends an hour and 15 minutes in prep time. That's along time to spend on prep when your just going to have to shower again after an afternoon of fluffing gay porn actors in the Valley.
Last, my personal fav, the Small Package. The aspect of preparation that's most time consuming for this bag is removing the monkey stink. How much GoJo soap and vinegar does this bag go through in a year? Then, there's the matter of shaving his forehead! On top of that, there's an administrative factor involved. You know everytime this little chimp get's loaded he wakes up naked at the Bronx zoo. Ofcourse, he's always free of parasites due to a healthy relationship with Rhoda the Alpha female chimp that can communicate her desires for a banana peanut butter sandwich through an electronic keyboard that costs more than my entire house.
In conclusion, based on the criteria stated above I beleive Turtleman should win the monthly.
# posted by : 11:43 AM
: 11:43 AM
Tighty.
None of the other nominees instill such a feeling of utter disgust and loathing of the douche. His smug grin/scowel is absolutely enraging.
None of the other nominees instill such a feeling of utter disgust and loathing of the douche. His smug grin/scowel is absolutely enraging.
# posted by : 11:57 AM
: 11:57 AM
At first I was going to go for the Pancake.....and, while he is infuriating, and his hott perhaps the hottest,(it too close to call with T/A's hott), in the end, I had to go for Armani.... his Hott is young Valerie Bertinelli with Paris Hilton's hair, and, his arrogant, I am superior to you down the nose look makes me want to kill him with an empty 'Goose bottle, and his snaky lookin' friend, as well
Ol' Bagnanimous
Ol' Bagnanimous
# posted by : 11:58 AM
: 11:58 AM
Tighty Armani all the way. Pancake gives him a run for his money, but I kinda just want to laugh at him. TA's got the muscles, the ludicrous shirt, the bling, the hand gesture and by far the best smug douche-sneer of the bunch. Also, it almost looks like that delicious blond he's smothering is gazing up lovingly at his douchey, douchey face. Which is bad. Bonus points for his douche sidekick on the right.
TA FTW.
TA FTW.
# posted by : 12:01 PM
: 12:01 PM
Small Package. The others are much , but he is still more deserving of a win.
# posted by : 12:01 PM
: 12:01 PM
Turtleman, and here's why.
Popped collar.
Cum receptacle necklace.
Two diamond stud earrings.
Chain wallet on an emo kid.
Pink shirt with rolled up arms, check.
The "hair".
The hott with the miniskirt. When she bends over to pick up her PBR bottlecap at the kegger, you'll see the black thong she's sporting.
The vacant "too cool for these fucking kitchen pictures" look.
Turtleman FTW.
Popped collar.
Cum receptacle necklace.
Two diamond stud earrings.
Chain wallet on an emo kid.
Pink shirt with rolled up arms, check.
The "hair".
The hott with the miniskirt. When she bends over to pick up her PBR bottlecap at the kegger, you'll see the black thong she's sporting.
The vacant "too cool for these fucking kitchen pictures" look.
Turtleman FTW.
work has been taxing, and i havent gotten to lurk in the threads as much lately. so im not too familiar with a couple of these bags.
that being said, i still remember that tall blonde hot and something about her makes me all warm and tingly like climbing the rope in gym class.
small package for the win
that being said, i still remember that tall blonde hot and something about her makes me all warm and tingly like climbing the rope in gym class.
small package for the win
At first glance I can't really make up my mind between the Pancake and Small Package. Both deserve to be eunuchs in the court of P'u Yi right around the time the Japanese invaded China. The strong connection to their manhood is readily apparent and therefore most maddening.
So I must reduce both to their common douchenator before I find the root value of the douche. In Small Package we have a numbnuts who probably served with little distinction in the California National Guard cleaning the porta-jons on base. Now he spends his days running a weed-wacker over the lawns of apartment complexs in Northridge. In his mind the only thing keeping his ego afloat is his manhood. Hence the t-shirt and not much else going for him.
With Pancake I have much more to reduce. I see a perpetual tattoo artist trainee, a South China Sea pirate costume by way of Johnny Depp and a Cheap Trick cover band bassist. I see a barnet the likes of which can be had for $50 at Vidal Sassoon Cosmotologist Academy. I see chin pubes sculpted by a Braun Pulsonic. I see middle finger protruding in a defiant cock and balls phallus directed at posterity complete with black nail polish applied by the Vidal Sassoon Academy for an additional $25. It's quite clear that all these factors cannot be reduced.
Therefore, due to his higher root douche value, the Pancake wins for me.
So I must reduce both to their common douchenator before I find the root value of the douche. In Small Package we have a numbnuts who probably served with little distinction in the California National Guard cleaning the porta-jons on base. Now he spends his days running a weed-wacker over the lawns of apartment complexs in Northridge. In his mind the only thing keeping his ego afloat is his manhood. Hence the t-shirt and not much else going for him.
With Pancake I have much more to reduce. I see a perpetual tattoo artist trainee, a South China Sea pirate costume by way of Johnny Depp and a Cheap Trick cover band bassist. I see a barnet the likes of which can be had for $50 at Vidal Sassoon Cosmotologist Academy. I see chin pubes sculpted by a Braun Pulsonic. I see middle finger protruding in a defiant cock and balls phallus directed at posterity complete with black nail polish applied by the Vidal Sassoon Academy for an additional $25. It's quite clear that all these factors cannot be reduced.
Therefore, due to his higher root douche value, the Pancake wins for me.
Oops. Small Package - The others are externally perhaps much worse, yet we can extrapolate from a few simple signs that this one is in fact much worse.
Grease. The others have no grease to speak of. This one oozes grease. In this he comes away a winner.
The constipated expression on his face as he attempts to understand what is going on - someone is taking a picture of him. Half of his face has understood this, but the other half is still catchin up. We have captured a sub-Neanderthal intellect in the middle of preparing an intimidating pose for the camera. A first, and win-worthy moment if you ask me.
The T-SHIRT. This is brilliant. A clumsy attempt at alluding to the great size of his genitals, complete with clumsy wording and poor grammar. This above all other things marks him out as above the pack. It's a tired line that is inscribed on his chest for eternity. I can see him approaching a girl and explaining what the writing means, with a satisfied expression.
Fry him in his own grease.
Grease. The others have no grease to speak of. This one oozes grease. In this he comes away a winner.
The constipated expression on his face as he attempts to understand what is going on - someone is taking a picture of him. Half of his face has understood this, but the other half is still catchin up. We have captured a sub-Neanderthal intellect in the middle of preparing an intimidating pose for the camera. A first, and win-worthy moment if you ask me.
The T-SHIRT. This is brilliant. A clumsy attempt at alluding to the great size of his genitals, complete with clumsy wording and poor grammar. This above all other things marks him out as above the pack. It's a tired line that is inscribed on his chest for eternity. I can see him approaching a girl and explaining what the writing means, with a satisfied expression.
Fry him in his own grease.
# posted by : 12:14 PM
: 12:14 PM
Basing my selection upon the 10 year rule (where will these douchebags be in 10 years):
small package: working as a garbage collector, living at home, still blowing his paycheck on strippers who pretend to like him.
turtleman: bald,born again, 4 kids with blonde who has put on 45lbs. still has the band but now they 'rock for christ'.
T/A: 2 kids by different bleeths, 3 restraining orders, big saggy man boobs, giant gut. daily wardrobe consists of wifebeater T, oversized nylon basketball shorts and shower sandals with socks. still at the club however, working the door.
Pancake: 5th time in 90-day in-patient rehab for massive herion addiction. Hep C, boderline homeless, outstanding bench warrant.
I nominate Armani, as he is clearly,not only the Douchebag of the Month, but Douchebag for Life.
small package: working as a garbage collector, living at home, still blowing his paycheck on strippers who pretend to like him.
turtleman: bald,born again, 4 kids with blonde who has put on 45lbs. still has the band but now they 'rock for christ'.
T/A: 2 kids by different bleeths, 3 restraining orders, big saggy man boobs, giant gut. daily wardrobe consists of wifebeater T, oversized nylon basketball shorts and shower sandals with socks. still at the club however, working the door.
Pancake: 5th time in 90-day in-patient rehab for massive herion addiction. Hep C, boderline homeless, outstanding bench warrant.
I nominate Armani, as he is clearly,not only the Douchebag of the Month, but Douchebag for Life.
Small Package gets my vote.
You recognize a douche by a lot of aspects. By their look, their hands, popped collar etc. But, to be sure that the person is a real douchie, you have to see how he behaves. However, you can CLEARLY see in a picture how Small Package acts, talk and climb his way to the top of the scrote. My vote goes to him and his t-shirt.
You recognize a douche by a lot of aspects. By their look, their hands, popped collar etc. But, to be sure that the person is a real douchie, you have to see how he behaves. However, you can CLEARLY see in a picture how Small Package acts, talk and climb his way to the top of the scrote. My vote goes to him and his t-shirt.
# posted by : 12:15 PM
: 12:15 PM
Damn, small package has a visible douchebag aura - and you can't tell if he's 20 or 50. I hate the girl for being attracted to such pond scum, and her posture is pitiful. Curses, these monthlies are so difficult. But okay, I vote for the small package.
# posted by : 12:42 PM
: 12:42 PM
TURTLEMAN, and let me tell you why:
There may be bigger douches out there, but what really makes a douchebag make you curse the heavens is when he has a total hott clinging to him while he's distracted by loving himself as much as he should be worshiping HER.
She is the anti-bleeth, and yet she's posing with this absolute joke, this absolute wreck of taste and sense. This is a an incredible hot chick with an abysmal douchebag.
TURTLEMAN.
There may be bigger douches out there, but what really makes a douchebag make you curse the heavens is when he has a total hott clinging to him while he's distracted by loving himself as much as he should be worshiping HER.
She is the anti-bleeth, and yet she's posing with this absolute joke, this absolute wreck of taste and sense. This is a an incredible hot chick with an abysmal douchebag.
TURTLEMAN.
My vote is for Pancake o' the punchable lower lip. All the DBs in this monthly are douchtastic, and PC is not exception. But this hott represents all that the HC of HCwDB stands for to me. Beauty, innocence, cleavage. And when you look at a pic and think "Surely this must be photoshopped, there is not way she would be with him, and smiling", that seals it. And she is looking right at me. Begging me to take her from this swashbuckling nightmare to a carribean island paradise...
-smouche
-smouche
# posted by : 12:58 PM
: 12:58 PM
Okay, I was going to remain silent on this point, but I just can't do it any longer now that I am seeing votes for Small Package come through. I probably should have chimed in on this when Small Package was up for HCwDB of the Week.
I firmly believe that this picture was taken in a club in Tijuana. As any San Diego native knows, pre-21 year old females flock to Tijuana clubs like the Prompas to a tanning bed.
This Hott looks like the usual suspect, and Small Package looks like the typical employee in one of the clubs down there. They can be seen trying to liven up the crowd and often come around with shots of watered down tequila and a whistle. If my suspicion is accurate, then Small Package (a) knows no better and (b) is a pro.
Does this disqualify him? In my opinion it does, but you make the call.
I firmly believe that this picture was taken in a club in Tijuana. As any San Diego native knows, pre-21 year old females flock to Tijuana clubs like the Prompas to a tanning bed.
This Hott looks like the usual suspect, and Small Package looks like the typical employee in one of the clubs down there. They can be seen trying to liven up the crowd and often come around with shots of watered down tequila and a whistle. If my suspicion is accurate, then Small Package (a) knows no better and (b) is a pro.
Does this disqualify him? In my opinion it does, but you make the call.
Pfah:
If I had your photoshop skills, a good printer and convincing paper, I'd be making a shitload of money too.
Send me a sack o' twenties, please.
If I had your photoshop skills, a good printer and convincing paper, I'd be making a shitload of money too.
Send me a sack o' twenties, please.
hey clementine cappadouche.
i wish i was edumacated like you.
im glad i went back to read thet long winded pile of crap you wrote BECAUSE otherwise i would have never learnt about the gay crush you had on the wrestler in your art class.
i wish i was edumacated like you.
im glad i went back to read thet long winded pile of crap you wrote BECAUSE otherwise i would have never learnt about the gay crush you had on the wrestler in your art class.
# posted by : 1:07 PM
: 1:07 PM
Upon further review, I am going to have to reverse my "Small Package" vote and throw it to Pancake.
Tiny Package Boy is more of a colossal LOSER/pathetic troll than an actual douchebag. Sure, he has 'bag qualities, but Pancake is near the apex of douchebaggery.
Tiny Package Boy is more of a colossal LOSER/pathetic troll than an actual douchebag. Sure, he has 'bag qualities, but Pancake is near the apex of douchebaggery.
# posted by : 1:25 PM
: 1:25 PM
Tighty for the win, without a doubt. Whereas Turtle Head and Tiny Package are laughable and perhaps semi-retarded, and Flapjack is just another shaved-chest Navarro clone douche, every single aspect of the Tighty picture offends my sensibilities and principles. From the abundant scrote gestures and absolutely kickable moron on the right, to the Paris Hilton douchette, with her inexcusable hand gesture, gazing fondly at our repulsive centerpiece in this frozen tragic moment in time, Tighty F##kin' Armani, with his metrosexual overpriced stretchy T-shirt that he mistakes for a very heterosexual item of clothing perfect for displaying his douchetastic biceps, his inexplicable Caesar haircut that went out of style in 1997, and his face. HIS SHIT-EATING FACE. I want to punch that face harder and more frequently than any other face I have seen on this site. So my vote is for Tighty Armani. May he drown to death in a Porta-Potty on his birthday.
-- Choad Warrior
-- Choad Warrior
# posted by : 1:31 PM
: 1:31 PM
I vote for the mexicain in the funny shirt because he is the loser. His girl aint even into him. He shuold win.
I vote for the mexicain in the funny shirt because he is the loser. His girl aint even into him. He shuold win.
oooohh, this is a tough race! One of my all-time favs is tighty Armani - 1st you got Super hott - THE HOTT OF HOTT, then the ever douchey cooler-than-thou-look on tighy's face, pathetic hand gestures everywhere, and that scrote-faced loser on the right wishing he never took that photo.
But then you have "small package"
I mean, who the fuck thinks that shirt is ok? Does his mom still buy him clothes to boost his deflated ego? Douche supreme! Faded douche jeans, stupid shirt, melted face/wonky eye and has about 1 inch of forehead between brows - WTF? Hott is flat chested and has that crazy-ex grilfriend look in her eyes - wait, is she looking over there or here? Is she crosseyed? He is a douche but do you actually think he bagged that hott? Methinks not.
Tighty Armani bagged the most angelic hott posted to date - she is already fucking him with that stare!
ALL HAIL TIGHTY ARMANI WHOM ALL DOUCHES ASPIRE TO BE LIKE !!!!!!
But then you have "small package"
I mean, who the fuck thinks that shirt is ok? Does his mom still buy him clothes to boost his deflated ego? Douche supreme! Faded douche jeans, stupid shirt, melted face/wonky eye and has about 1 inch of forehead between brows - WTF? Hott is flat chested and has that crazy-ex grilfriend look in her eyes - wait, is she looking over there or here? Is she crosseyed? He is a douche but do you actually think he bagged that hott? Methinks not.
Tighty Armani bagged the most angelic hott posted to date - she is already fucking him with that stare!
ALL HAIL TIGHTY ARMANI WHOM ALL DOUCHES ASPIRE TO BE LIKE !!!!!!
# posted by : 1:51 PM
: 1:51 PM
Pancake!
I wanted to vote for Turtle Man, but I am sure we will see plenty more of his kind in the future.
Pancake on the other hand, has importance. The look in the eyes, the mandana, the douchey facial and the iconic middle finger. He is so simultaneously offensive but silly and harmless at the same time he is like a walking paradox. He is a rebel....that goes shopping with his sisters and hangs out with his mom on Sundays. Someone had to pick out the nail polish and mascara for him.
I wanted to vote for Turtle Man, but I am sure we will see plenty more of his kind in the future.
Pancake on the other hand, has importance. The look in the eyes, the mandana, the douchey facial and the iconic middle finger. He is so simultaneously offensive but silly and harmless at the same time he is like a walking paradox. He is a rebel....that goes shopping with his sisters and hangs out with his mom on Sundays. Someone had to pick out the nail polish and mascara for him.
I struggled with this one.
Pancake obviously going for the lovechild of Navarro and Sparrow. He was my instant pick. Pirate rocker emo douche for sure. But, I'm positive he's a musician and therefore it's almost expected. If he weren't obviously a band member, he'd have my vote hands down.
Tighty Armani This guy is a douche for douches sake. As he and his friends say "Hes allllllll dayyyy! Son." That alone does it for me. He will eventually be in the Hall of Scrote --that's inevitable, he is 100%, Grade A, top of the line douche and it's not because he's gay, or in a band, it's because he just... is. He doesn't even have to try. He opens his eyes and he's instadouche.
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW.
He's all day like a clock, Son.
Pancake obviously going for the lovechild of Navarro and Sparrow. He was my instant pick. Pirate rocker emo douche for sure. But, I'm positive he's a musician and therefore it's almost expected. If he weren't obviously a band member, he'd have my vote hands down.
Tighty Armani This guy is a douche for douches sake. As he and his friends say "Hes allllllll dayyyy! Son." That alone does it for me. He will eventually be in the Hall of Scrote --that's inevitable, he is 100%, Grade A, top of the line douche and it's not because he's gay, or in a band, it's because he just... is. He doesn't even have to try. He opens his eyes and he's instadouche.
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW.
He's all day like a clock, Son.
# posted by : 2:11 PM
: 2:11 PM
pancake.
why? he sucks. period.
was gonna vote for armani, till i saw that he's proud of the run he's getting on this site. he should be ashamed of himself, but he's too stupid to get it. so fuck him.
why? he sucks. period.
was gonna vote for armani, till i saw that he's proud of the run he's getting on this site. he should be ashamed of himself, but he's too stupid to get it. so fuck him.
This is a close one between Tigheous Armanious and Jack Flapper. Small package is DQ'd because S. Vance doesn't even like him. Turtle is a married little boy from Missouri.
Some further thoughts to share. While I think, of our Alpha 'roid reps in the HoS, Alls Day Long could hold with any of 'em. However, for thoughtful, soulful, artistic Scrotes, could Capn Jack really compete with this:
...college is a big waste of time and I just bang bitches and drink....I drink and smoke..you too? then we gonna get it on tonight... I don't give a s@#t about stupid people...I don't chase girls I replace em....yes reread...I don't chase girls I replace em...reread....many fish in the sea...but one me...and if ur readin this sayin damn this kid is he serious? Yes im serious ...i dont need ur approval to say wat i want...capo status..my advice to you cut it, cook it, sell it bitch...now 1, 2, 3 pop bottles
Some further thoughts to share. While I think, of our Alpha 'roid reps in the HoS, Alls Day Long could hold with any of 'em. However, for thoughtful, soulful, artistic Scrotes, could Capn Jack really compete with this:
...college is a big waste of time and I just bang bitches and drink....I drink and smoke..you too? then we gonna get it on tonight... I don't give a s@#t about stupid people...I don't chase girls I replace em....yes reread...I don't chase girls I replace em...reread....many fish in the sea...but one me...and if ur readin this sayin damn this kid is he serious? Yes im serious ...i dont need ur approval to say wat i want...capo status..my advice to you cut it, cook it, sell it bitch...now 1, 2, 3 pop bottles
Tighty Armani has got my vote.
The reality of large chest/biceps = small package means that the armani tee isn't the only thing the couple share that is extremely tight. Give it up hott we'll make you feel something!!!
And as for his puppy dog mate on the right, your not tuff because your buddies got big muscles.
The reality of large chest/biceps = small package means that the armani tee isn't the only thing the couple share that is extremely tight. Give it up hott we'll make you feel something!!!
And as for his puppy dog mate on the right, your not tuff because your buddies got big muscles.
I would love to go with Small Package but his girl just isn't nearly as pretty as the chick with TA.
TA FTW, by the hair on his chinny chin chin.
TA FTW, by the hair on his chinny chin chin.
# posted by : 2:57 PM
: 2:57 PM
Only because I actualy KNOW Pancake, can I say he truly should win this contest... because it is no contest, he truly is a douche... and a hair dresser.
# posted by : 3:23 PM
: 3:23 PM
Pancake is just a poser.
Turtleman is too.
Small Package just looks like a drunk idiot.
I hate everything about Tighty. He represents everything that just plain sucks.
Tighty FTW.
Turtleman is too.
Small Package just looks like a drunk idiot.
I hate everything about Tighty. He represents everything that just plain sucks.
Tighty FTW.
close call between Tighty Armani and Small Package. Armani's hott is hotter and he is a pretty epic douchebigallo. However the facial expression of Pack-man, the piss-stain on his jeans and that T-shirt...why would you ever wear that?
Anyway, I'd have to agree - Small Package is a drunk idiot with elements of douchebaggery. Tighty Armani is just a reckless Jagerbomb and deserves to receive the Golden Douche.
Anyway, I'd have to agree - Small Package is a drunk idiot with elements of douchebaggery. Tighty Armani is just a reckless Jagerbomb and deserves to receive the Golden Douche.
Tighty Armani by a greasy, tightshirted landslide. The sidekick is a nice touch. TA should be recognized for the douche that he is and for the fact that he has made me vomit multiple times.
# posted by : 4:03 PM
: 4:03 PM
I'm going to have to toss my vote to the pancake. He's ruined one of my favorite breakfast foods and one of the best hotts I've seen come across these hallowed halls. This pair carry the same fascination and revulsion factor of a pile up of elementary school buses and an oil truck. Tighy Armani was a close second as my hatered for all things A/E is almost as far up there as my hatred for this Lo-Pan wannabe. Also, the hott with Tighty just doesn't quite win out over Pancakes hott. The Rossary beads make me want to crucify this mandanna wearing choad boi. No Mr. Pancake, FUCK -YOU-.
Tighty Armani
For the same reasons "douchesaurus" gave further up. TA actually thinks he is something.
For the same reasons "douchesaurus" gave further up. TA actually thinks he is something.
# posted by : 4:21 PM
: 4:21 PM
This is a tough one. No landslide victory here, in my mind. All three of these gentlemen are over the top, but three we've seen often enough that we're almost desensitized to it. At school, at the mall, and especially at the club. Only one would make me turn my head, and that's Turtleman.
Turtleman is a unique blend of jock and scenester who plays sk8r punk riffs while catching waves and rays like a kid's breakfast cereal mascot. He's everything Zack Morris ever aspired to be. And by everything, I mean HCwDB of the Month.
Turtleman wins. Fatality.
Turtleman is a unique blend of jock and scenester who plays sk8r punk riffs while catching waves and rays like a kid's breakfast cereal mascot. He's everything Zack Morris ever aspired to be. And by everything, I mean HCwDB of the Month.
Turtleman wins. Fatality.
Personally I think Pancake is almost as boring a douche as Turtleman.
It comes down to Tighty Armani and Small Package for me - but as others have pointed out I just feel sorry for SP. It's like he's trying so hard to BE a douche, but ultimately it's just another one of the many things in life he's a failure at. T/A in the meantime is a natural.
Armani FTW.
It comes down to Tighty Armani and Small Package for me - but as others have pointed out I just feel sorry for SP. It's like he's trying so hard to BE a douche, but ultimately it's just another one of the many things in life he's a failure at. T/A in the meantime is a natural.
Armani FTW.
# posted by : 4:50 PM
: 4:50 PM
anon 3:23...
has provided some crucial insider info. since a large portion of pancake's appeal is based on his pompous grooming practices, the fact that he's a hairdresser almost gives him a no-pro dq.
douchey mcdouche had a valid theory as well. there's a strong possibility small package has no clue what his shirt says.
has provided some crucial insider info. since a large portion of pancake's appeal is based on his pompous grooming practices, the fact that he's a hairdresser almost gives him a no-pro dq.
douchey mcdouche had a valid theory as well. there's a strong possibility small package has no clue what his shirt says.
As much as Pancake needs to be mocked and neutered, and then mocked again, there is too much choad in this weekly for him to have a chance.
When I close my eyes and picture myself urinating on a defenseless douche, I invariably see Small Package. He literally embodies all that is Scrote. It is for that lone reason that he gets my vote.
Package FTW
-'Bagger Vance
When I close my eyes and picture myself urinating on a defenseless douche, I invariably see Small Package. He literally embodies all that is Scrote. It is for that lone reason that he gets my vote.
Package FTW
-'Bagger Vance
# posted by : 5:01 PM
: 5:01 PM
Tighty armani, for the coupling of steroid hugeness and that punk-ass smirk that you want to smack off his face even though you know he could break you in half
# posted by : 5:10 PM
: 5:10 PM
A very tough call.
Pancake's hott turns me on like few others I've seen here. She's just delectible. Pancake probably changes wardrobe with every hit movie. I guarantee you he has a Matrix style full length leather overcoat in the back of his closet (next to his Top Gun bomber jacket).
T/A is probably proud of the fact that he made high school miserable for everyone who didn't measure up to his ideal of masculine perfection. He's a Nazi, and his douche-buddy / lap-dog needs to be beaten with a shovel. OTOH, I don't understand why anyone thinks Paris Hilton is attractive. His hott leaves me cold.
Turtleman married his high-school sweetie and is living in her mom's basement. More a pathetic spazz than anything else.
Once again, Small Package is so reminiscent of every Providence jerk-off you can smell the nauseating combination of body odor, Axe, and Caserta's Pizza on him. His hott isn't very hot at all, and loses point for wearing Uggs (or whatever the fuck those fur-lined boots are called). You just know he's going home alone in his IROC at the end of the night.
He obviously thinks his T-shirt is hilariously funny.
Small Package for the win.
Pancake's hott turns me on like few others I've seen here. She's just delectible. Pancake probably changes wardrobe with every hit movie. I guarantee you he has a Matrix style full length leather overcoat in the back of his closet (next to his Top Gun bomber jacket).
T/A is probably proud of the fact that he made high school miserable for everyone who didn't measure up to his ideal of masculine perfection. He's a Nazi, and his douche-buddy / lap-dog needs to be beaten with a shovel. OTOH, I don't understand why anyone thinks Paris Hilton is attractive. His hott leaves me cold.
Turtleman married his high-school sweetie and is living in her mom's basement. More a pathetic spazz than anything else.
Once again, Small Package is so reminiscent of every Providence jerk-off you can smell the nauseating combination of body odor, Axe, and Caserta's Pizza on him. His hott isn't very hot at all, and loses point for wearing Uggs (or whatever the fuck those fur-lined boots are called). You just know he's going home alone in his IROC at the end of the night.
He obviously thinks his T-shirt is hilariously funny.
Small Package for the win.
all your mothers are dead
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW
the kid on the right is the fucking MAN
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW
the kid on the right is the fucking MAN
# posted by : 5:46 PM
: 5:46 PM
I must say I love the Monthlies, it is just such a cornucopia of craziness that the tradition is enough to bring me to tears. This is a tough one, it's hard to separate that which we know from that which we are confused about. That being said, Pancake is the winner.
Small Package for me is out, not that much of a hott, and honestly, I wasn't down with him winning the Weekly, but now that he's here, I must respect him. Let me check my respect, yep, none, so he's out.
Armani to me is out because of his most recent picture. If it's the same girlie he's with, she is DEFINITELY being helped in this picture, or hurt in the other. Plus, he loses points because for whatever reason, I bet that he's actually a decent dude, but that's just me.
Turtleman would be the winner for me if not for one specific reason (more on that later), but he is a worthy competitor. She is just delightful, beautiful, but in a "gettable" way. I believe that he was in a Friday haiku without his shirt on (thanks to whoever pointed that out, well met), and that doesn't help. Plus, the cleaning supplies behind him show that cleanliness is next to douchiness. However, he's out.
Now, Pancake, this one hits me on such an incredibly personal level it's hard to discuss. Most of the girls on this site you look at and say "yeah, that's about right" - minus the obvious Purg/HBT duo (oh GOD what an idea...). However, having been in this young ladies presence many, many times, it's hard for me to imagine how we got to this point. She is a fucking angel amongst women, and now here she is with the drummer of Douche Bang Shin Ki, the newest Korean Pop band.
So, unfortunately I have to vote with my mind instead of my heart on this one. When you see an amazing girl pictured with a legendary douche, my heart, it aches for the future.
Small Package for me is out, not that much of a hott, and honestly, I wasn't down with him winning the Weekly, but now that he's here, I must respect him. Let me check my respect, yep, none, so he's out.
Armani to me is out because of his most recent picture. If it's the same girlie he's with, she is DEFINITELY being helped in this picture, or hurt in the other. Plus, he loses points because for whatever reason, I bet that he's actually a decent dude, but that's just me.
Turtleman would be the winner for me if not for one specific reason (more on that later), but he is a worthy competitor. She is just delightful, beautiful, but in a "gettable" way. I believe that he was in a Friday haiku without his shirt on (thanks to whoever pointed that out, well met), and that doesn't help. Plus, the cleaning supplies behind him show that cleanliness is next to douchiness. However, he's out.
Now, Pancake, this one hits me on such an incredibly personal level it's hard to discuss. Most of the girls on this site you look at and say "yeah, that's about right" - minus the obvious Purg/HBT duo (oh GOD what an idea...). However, having been in this young ladies presence many, many times, it's hard for me to imagine how we got to this point. She is a fucking angel amongst women, and now here she is with the drummer of Douche Bang Shin Ki, the newest Korean Pop band.
So, unfortunately I have to vote with my mind instead of my heart on this one. When you see an amazing girl pictured with a legendary douche, my heart, it aches for the future.
IM GUNAH HAVE TO GO FOR TIGHTY ARMANI ON THIS 1 ...HIS DEMEINER IS SO 70'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THIS "HOTT" LOOKS LIKE SHES ABOUT 71 AHAHA..HE HAS THAT LOOK OF SLAY IN HIS EYES WITH THE LOOK TO KILL ..ALTHOUGH WE COULD HOLD THE OLYMPICS ON HIS BICEP..IM DIGGIN THE "V" HAND JESTER ..IT SYMBOLYSES ROCK SOLID PASSION TO THE "BAG" LIFESTYLE..IF YOU ASK ME THE A/X ON HIS SHIRT DOES NOT STAND FOR ARMANI EXCHANGE..ITS A SYMBOL FOR "ABSOLUTE SLAYYYY OF CUNT" THOUGH HE MIGHT NOT USE AN AXE...THIS KIDS PACKIN HEAT LIKE THE OVEN DOOR
# posted by : 6:45 PM
: 6:45 PM
My vote has to go to the Pancake. I wavered because Turtle man has many more douchey qualities (the height and elevation and of the collar, the hair, the accessories), but Pancake's hot is pretty much the purest hott this site has ever seen. Her eyes, the smile, the dimpled chin and the unpretentious cleavage push the Pancake, who himself is no slouch in Bagitude, over the top.
# posted by : 6:54 PM
: 6:54 PM
id love to vote for tyler hansbrough but small package deserves to be recognized
# posted by : 7:04 PM
: 7:04 PM
I was torn this month: Turtle made my bowls move in disgust as though digesting a Japanese Manga with my urethra whilst pushing out kidney stones the size of his unholy guido rocks that someone stapled in his ear lobes. But upon gazing at the mess that is Pancake: an anorexic panda's offspring fertilized by Johnny Depp's weakest seed meets the giant shit stain that I left on the last square of toilet paper on the role after eating hot thai beef noodle soup. Not only is he wearing more make-up than "I want her love puppies in my mouth" hott, but he's expressing his neandertolic urges with the digits of all douches. The sun won't rise tomorrow without me tricking the night with 2 bottles of Cisco.
I'm going with Small Package.
Because he's wholly a small package. The blonde is taller than him and I hate that.
Because he's wholly a small package. The blonde is taller than him and I hate that.
# posted by : 7:19 PM
: 7:19 PM
I vote Pancake despite, or maybe even because of, the fact that he has no weekly prize to get grease and black nail polish on. For me he's not only the 'bag, he's also the cord, the nozzle, and the vinegar preparation within. He may even be the coathanger the 'bag is hung from to dry.
She is also the hottest Hott, IMO. A completely sweet confection.
The douchest 'bag + the hottest Hott = Pancake FTW.
She is also the hottest Hott, IMO. A completely sweet confection.
The douchest 'bag + the hottest Hott = Pancake FTW.
# posted by : 7:49 PM
: 7:49 PM
It comes down to Tighty Armani and Turtleman. Pancake kind of looks like a friend of mine, if this friend of mine were a douche. Small Package is just absurd and his hott is barely just, but I would nominate him for the Yearly "trashcan to the head" award when the time comes.
You know what? I'm going with Turtleman. Largely on the strength of State School Hott. My favorite Hott on this site is the Future Ex-Mrs. DB1, but DB1 kind of has dibs on her (though he's also got Purg Hott... c'mon, DB1, I'm a fellow grad student, throw me a frikkin' bone here!) but State School Hott for some reason is getting to me. She seems, I don't know, accessible, not in the slutty way but in the way that she'd be too polite to look as disgusted as she is when I belly up to her table at the Student Union, awkwardly start conversation and then segue things as fast as I could to a discussion of the Algerian Civil War.
Well, because her Lutheran mother taught her good manners and she didn't visibly blanch when I began bringing up Fanon, and only made a cute wince when I talked about that group of Islamic fundies that the war turned into Muslim Satanists, I'd continue finding excuses to accost her at the lunch line, and she'd continue to smile that nice, confused smile and I'd continue to get my hopes up.
Then Turtleman would start hanging around. It's ok, I think. He's obviously a f'nook. No competition. I bring up the Easter Rising next time at the Student Union; a romantic story. Maybe the Battle of Kosovo. Nothing Turtleman would know about. We all know State School hotts prefer erudition over hair bleach, right?
Then I'd see this pic through my roommate's myspace... and then a little part of me would die as I learn for the umpteenth time that no, girls don't want to hear about the Winter War. From State School Hott's perspective, I'm a nice eccentric; Turtleman probably came in the guise of a wounded soul, with just enough of a sob story (involving a cruel ex who reminds her of the ruder cheerleaders from high school, perhaps?) to convince her B minus brain that he was someone she should mother.
I then promptly forget this lesson and go on to do something fun; like read more about the Algerian Civil War.
You know what? I'm going with Turtleman. Largely on the strength of State School Hott. My favorite Hott on this site is the Future Ex-Mrs. DB1, but DB1 kind of has dibs on her (though he's also got Purg Hott... c'mon, DB1, I'm a fellow grad student, throw me a frikkin' bone here!) but State School Hott for some reason is getting to me. She seems, I don't know, accessible, not in the slutty way but in the way that she'd be too polite to look as disgusted as she is when I belly up to her table at the Student Union, awkwardly start conversation and then segue things as fast as I could to a discussion of the Algerian Civil War.
Well, because her Lutheran mother taught her good manners and she didn't visibly blanch when I began bringing up Fanon, and only made a cute wince when I talked about that group of Islamic fundies that the war turned into Muslim Satanists, I'd continue finding excuses to accost her at the lunch line, and she'd continue to smile that nice, confused smile and I'd continue to get my hopes up.
Then Turtleman would start hanging around. It's ok, I think. He's obviously a f'nook. No competition. I bring up the Easter Rising next time at the Student Union; a romantic story. Maybe the Battle of Kosovo. Nothing Turtleman would know about. We all know State School hotts prefer erudition over hair bleach, right?
Then I'd see this pic through my roommate's myspace... and then a little part of me would die as I learn for the umpteenth time that no, girls don't want to hear about the Winter War. From State School Hott's perspective, I'm a nice eccentric; Turtleman probably came in the guise of a wounded soul, with just enough of a sob story (involving a cruel ex who reminds her of the ruder cheerleaders from high school, perhaps?) to convince her B minus brain that he was someone she should mother.
I then promptly forget this lesson and go on to do something fun; like read more about the Algerian Civil War.
# posted by : 8:29 PM
: 8:29 PM
Tighty Armani.
Because he's brought scorn and shame on the good people of Boston proper, Giorgio Armani's well-earned reputation as a design icon, and homo sapiens as a species.
That is all.
Because he's brought scorn and shame on the good people of Boston proper, Giorgio Armani's well-earned reputation as a design icon, and homo sapiens as a species.
That is all.
thanx for the few nice comments ( :, but geeze, some of you are ruthless!
but yeah, my vote goes for Tighty Armani because he is wearng Armani, therfore he is a classy douche bag... who shits on Armani?
but yeah, my vote goes for Tighty Armani because he is wearng Armani, therfore he is a classy douche bag... who shits on Armani?
# posted by : 8:35 PM
: 8:35 PM
Tighty Armani & Hottie Heather for the win... Biggest douchebags I've ever seeeeeen
K thanks bye :o)
-Kayla Tierney
loveyous <3 hahaha
K thanks bye :o)
-Kayla Tierney
loveyous <3 hahaha
# posted by : 8:59 PM
: 8:59 PM
Pancake. Not only is this dickload wearing nail polish but it looks like he is wearing eye liner. On top of that the girl he is with is the one I find most attractive.
# posted by : 9:04 PM
: 9:04 PM
T/A without question. Too soon for douche of the year?
Pancake is an asian Dave Navarro wannabe, Turtles is a training douche like your kid brother, and Small Pack is just a tool.
Plus the chicks with Turts and S-Pac are fug. T/A and his bimbo slag are banner matterial for HCwDB.
Pancake is an asian Dave Navarro wannabe, Turtles is a training douche like your kid brother, and Small Pack is just a tool.
Plus the chicks with Turts and S-Pac are fug. T/A and his bimbo slag are banner matterial for HCwDB.
Simply put, while I would like to kill all of them.
I want to kill Tighty Armani the most so he wins. Plus his hott is the best one of this bunch.
I want to kill Tighty Armani the most so he wins. Plus his hott is the best one of this bunch.
# posted by : 10:35 PM
: 10:35 PM
For me, it comes down to TA and Pancake. Any one of them is worth investing in a Hummer and going GTA style on them. The Pancake is trying a little too hard to be Johnny Depp...and by Johnny Depp I mean mandana-wearing, way-too-hardass pile of Hollywood wannabe fecal matter. Tighty Armani is just way too damn proud of himself, and the Hott he's defiling makes me want to take up knitting just so I can make her grandma a pair of oven mitts. Throw in a typical 'bag gesture (including having her copy it), and I've already got my flog ready. This moron needs to be beaten to the point where he can no longer have that idiotic smirk on his face.
Tighty Armani gets the vote.
Tighty Armani gets the vote.
So, to clear a few things up.
First, I noticed that some people are thinking Pancake is less of a douche because they think he must be in a band or play the guitar. Well, he's not and he has no musical talent whatsoever. Some of his friends play instruments and he just watches. I've seen him attempt to play the drums before, basically trying to be "cool" with his friends, and it's not a pretty sight!
Second, Pancake's current Myspace status is "Pirate". No fucking joke! And his relationship status is Swinger.....
Third, he is a professional hairdresser and has a tatoo of a pair of scissors on his arm. Does it get any more gay than that?
Fourth, he has been sporting this look or something similar for at least 3-4 years and it just keeps getting worse and worse. So, I dont think he's going to normalize any time soon....or ever.
Fifth, his girlfriend (not the girl in this picture) is fucking HOTTTTT! Way hotter than this chick.
Sixth, he has got to be the weirdest person I have ever met in my life.
So, pancake is the douchiest. BY FAR!
First, I noticed that some people are thinking Pancake is less of a douche because they think he must be in a band or play the guitar. Well, he's not and he has no musical talent whatsoever. Some of his friends play instruments and he just watches. I've seen him attempt to play the drums before, basically trying to be "cool" with his friends, and it's not a pretty sight!
Second, Pancake's current Myspace status is "Pirate". No fucking joke! And his relationship status is Swinger.....
Third, he is a professional hairdresser and has a tatoo of a pair of scissors on his arm. Does it get any more gay than that?
Fourth, he has been sporting this look or something similar for at least 3-4 years and it just keeps getting worse and worse. So, I dont think he's going to normalize any time soon....or ever.
Fifth, his girlfriend (not the girl in this picture) is fucking HOTTTTT! Way hotter than this chick.
Sixth, he has got to be the weirdest person I have ever met in my life.
So, pancake is the douchiest. BY FAR!
# posted by : 11:41 PM
: 11:41 PM
while all make a compelling case except pancake...leave debarge alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chris crocker moment aside
interms of the yin and yang the pure offensiveness of the douche combined with the nancy kerrigan why? of the hott i have to go small wonder for the win
the other hotts don't seem to realize they deserve better, and the other bags seem contrived in their baggery
chris crocker moment aside
interms of the yin and yang the pure offensiveness of the douche combined with the nancy kerrigan why? of the hott i have to go small wonder for the win
the other hotts don't seem to realize they deserve better, and the other bags seem contrived in their baggery
# posted by : 12:47 AM
: 12:47 AM
holy crap bleeth withers poon...thats like a triple pun with a double entendre chaser...
# posted by : 12:57 AM
: 12:57 AM
Id definatly say tighty. look at the scrunched up lip like hes the shit, funy thing is, the blond girl appears to be looking at somone else. armani pachino. very badass... look at his earing.
# posted by : 1:30 AM
: 1:30 AM
First time voter, long time fan:
The Pancake without a doubt. One has to ask: does he get up in the afternoon, look in the mirror in his mom's bathroom and say, "Black hair, black eyeliner, black shirt, black jeweled necklace, black nail polish, black goatee, black 'stache, black bandanna, check. Damn, I look good!"
The Pancake without a doubt. One has to ask: does he get up in the afternoon, look in the mirror in his mom's bathroom and say, "Black hair, black eyeliner, black shirt, black jeweled necklace, black nail polish, black goatee, black 'stache, black bandanna, check. Damn, I look good!"
# posted by : 7:15 AM
: 7:15 AM
tighty is the biggest douchefag on here so he gets my votee hands down
tighty armania FTW
tighty armania FTW
# posted by : 7:24 AM
: 7:24 AM
tighty should go in the HoS solely for coming on here and defending himself. After all, he is 'all day like a clock' which when translated from douche means 'please stop picking on me guys.'
# posted by : 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
Snoop Douchey Bagg -
Pancake lives in the Bay Area. Not sure about the chick tho. I've never seen her with his entourage, so I'm thinkin that maybe that pic was taken in Vegas when he was there a few months ago....you should ask douche quixote who seems to be pretty hung up on the girl still
Pancake lives in the Bay Area. Not sure about the chick tho. I've never seen her with his entourage, so I'm thinkin that maybe that pic was taken in Vegas when he was there a few months ago....you should ask douche quixote who seems to be pretty hung up on the girl still
# posted by : 11:04 AM
: 11:04 AM
All worthy entrants, but... to me, the Pancake pic is ICONIC. It perfectly symbolizes the site. To me, it is the HCwDB of all time.
Pancake is the paragon of douchiness. The douchagon. Paradouche. Or something.
And that chick is a biscuit.
Pancake is the paragon of douchiness. The douchagon. Paradouche. Or something.
And that chick is a biscuit.
# posted by : 1:26 PM
: 1:26 PM
My vote is for Tighty Armani. The guy exudes douchebag.
The douche face smirk
The ultra tight shirt
The chin strap
The douche tricep flex
Not to mention the douchy things going on in the background.
Pancake just looks like a stinky a$$hat.
The douche face smirk
The ultra tight shirt
The chin strap
The douche tricep flex
Not to mention the douchy things going on in the background.
Pancake just looks like a stinky a$$hat.
# posted by : 2:48 PM
: 2:48 PM
I gotta keep it short and sweet. The Small Package for the win because I hate him more than all the others.
# posted by : 3:16 PM
: 3:16 PM
tighty armani FTW ... the douche aura around him just makes me want to smash his face with the front door of armani exchange wherever this douchebagger is from .. the other losers on here just look lame and arent natural douches like T/A
# posted by : 3:45 PM
: 3:45 PM
not only is the stupidd chin jewelery on Tighty Armani's face ridiculouss .. ITSS GLOW IN THE DARKKK ..DOES ANYBODY ELSE NOTICE HOW GAYY THAT ISSS????
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW DUE TO THISS
TIGHTY ARMANI FTW DUE TO THISS
# posted by : 3:47 PM
: 3:47 PM
I'm no expert on douche bags, but from these finalists its definitely tighy armani. He's a text book case. Don't believe me? look it up on youtube. It doesnt get any better than tighy armani.
# posted by : 7:03 PM
: 7:03 PM
it's only between two...
tighty armani deserves nothing but the shriveled necrotic pouch of skin that was once his pre-'roid testicles.
the pancake however, is all rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity!
Pancake FTW!
tighty armani deserves nothing but the shriveled necrotic pouch of skin that was once his pre-'roid testicles.
the pancake however, is all rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity!
Pancake FTW!
# posted by : 8:32 PM
: 8:32 PM
They may be douchey but all I feel for twink turtlegay or pequeno package is pity.
Pancake and Armani are 2 levels of media hype yet both typical.. emo and clubber. artist and jock. dumb and dumber. Tough call.. armani injects and puts on a shirt, but pancake PRACTICES his doucheouvres daily until airline pilots retch from radiation at 30000 feet.
Pancake FTW
Pancake and Armani are 2 levels of media hype yet both typical.. emo and clubber. artist and jock. dumb and dumber. Tough call.. armani injects and puts on a shirt, but pancake PRACTICES his doucheouvres daily until airline pilots retch from radiation at 30000 feet.
Pancake FTW
I'm definitely biased here, but my school is FILLED with Tighty Armani-type douches, though this particular one is roided out more than them. Not to mention, the absolute sickening, FAWNING look hott is giving him disgusts me even more. The others, I laugh at-Tighty Armani makes me want to find a cheap glass bottle of vodka, crack him over the skull with it, and pour it into his wounds. Tighty-Armani for the win!
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: 6:07 PM << Home
