I believe the pirate is running away with this one and never looking back. He's got twice the skanky hott, not to mention the kicker: DB gesture #413 performed THROUGH a can of alcohol-free redbull. No doubt he needs the energy boost so he can douche-on.
 

Johnny Pirate FTW

This pic reminds me of "The Devil's Cavemen" from Nacho Libre.

nachoooooooooooooooooooo...o...o...ooo
 

I love that we get a Talking Heads reference and a Digital Underground reference in one post. Bravo.

I must throw my support for Pippy. His douche face, dog tags, and sideways peace sign are in full effect. But more importantly, his is the only hott that I actually covet. She's Drew Barrymore without the pre-teen drug abuse and butterface. Pirate's Poor Man's Neve Campbell could have been in the running, but she's just too far gone. I can't feel too much rage at the Pirate for spoiling her and her nasty friend because it's clear that many, many douches before him have already permanently sullied them.
 

As I scroll from top to bottom it's like the 'bags are being stripped of all the outward signs of 'baggery - Pirate may be shirtless but the runny mascara is waaay more powerful than any faux-faded silk screened logo apparel.

And speaking of faux-faded silk screened logo apparel, Miami Douche is probably wearing a set of boxers sporting such 'bagtastic accouterments but we'll never know due to his double belting style.

And speaking of fruit of the loom's - Pippy's stylin' v-neck is worse than the crabby abs of Mascara Jack.

He may not have enough hair to spike, clothes to logo or even a belt but he reeks of vinegar & water.

Pippy - for his Hott is not yet Bleethed and I would Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
 

It's Pippy. Just enter the minds of the choads in this line up. Is it not more offensive to make the conscience decision to emit doucheosity? I think so. Johnny Pirate and Miami Scammy are fitting in with their environment. As douchey as they truly are they have simple evolved to that level. Dost thou bash the Zebra for his stripes? I think not. But looking at ole Pip you can see his tainted rationale: "I'm short, scrawny, and broke. But I love manhandling Hotts I have no right to be with. What should I do? Oh! I'll buy t-shirts, nothing but t-shirts, jog and do pushups, and buy some clippers. The ladies won't know what hit 'em." And by "tainted" I mean the sweaty smelly patch of skin between your legs that Pip would reek of if he didn't constantly borrow his roommate's Axe.

It's Pippy - he CHOSE to be a douche. So chose him.
 

Miami Scammy FTW.

You ever see those National Geographic guys who jump off the 150 foot tower with the vines attached to their ankles? I want to toss MS off that tower without the vines.

All others pale in comparison to MS.
 

Pippy for his uncanny (and sickening) resemblance to FishSlap.
 

pippy's got the taintiest heart of the bunch. he needs no costume (though don't underestimate the v-neck), as his douchiness bubbles up from his dead soul and erupts from his pores to incinerate or petrify us. journey to the center of the douche.
 

It has to be Miami Scammy, I don't know if it is the amount of douche or white but it is burning the back of my retna and I fear the image will be with me for life. With the washed out torn up jeans, white belt, white affliction shirt and her white pants I am just about blind.
 

MS is awesome because he tries so fuckin' hard to be the rebel, the one who zigs when society zags, the one who keeps it real with half of his fruit-of-the-loom boxers showing, and what is right behind him?

An exact fuckin replica...its like a scrotal SPY VS. SPY. That is all you need to know about this fuck-tard, plus is slice of key-lime pie is considerable.

MS, hoping he is soon afflicted by the disease of the same name.
 

Pippy
 

Yaaaarrrrgggghhh!

I be votin' for the Pirate.

And I'd let his lassies clean my poop deck anytime.
 

Man this ones tough, I have to get out the Douchalator and figure this out, I'll b back in a few hours.
Turdacious
 

Miami for the win. He's working the D'Arce choke while encumbered by dual belts and a dangling pink cell phone. That isn't easy, folks.
 

Dog because he was robbed and deserves a spot in the douchies. MS if I have to pick from this week. Put your cellphone in your fucking pocket this picture makes me mad.

Et Tu Douche?
 

Pippy may be the only one here who actually looked in the mirror and made a decision to become a douchebag. Its not like a passing phase (Miami Scammy) or a bizarre situation/party/paid entertainment (Johnny Pirate - love the name, BTW). No, Pippy here has looked deep inside and is intent becoming one with his inner douchebag.

Doucheface
Dog Tags
Sideways Peace Sign
Shaved Chest
And a Hott that makes me say "why yes, I AM bisexual, why do you ask?" (forehead size? puhleeze)
Sure he doesn't have the douche-hair but I would not be one bit surprised if you told me last week he had a Fauxhawk and had to shave his head due to a bizarre incident with his flattening iron.

He is all that is Douche.
He's the Tao of Douchebag.
His expression is the "Om" for his douchey moment of Zen.
And for that I say "Wax on. Wax off" Pippy!
 

Pippy ftw!
He's got that fresh " i'm just getting ready to go to vietnam if vietnam was a hot new club in boystown", look.
 

Oops, I misspelled my own name... rough weekend.


Its Punky Douchester beeyotch!
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

My initial reaction was to vote for Pippy due to the meat hook hand gesture and smirk. But he's wearing a $5.00 Sears v-neck undershirt, so I've reclassified him as "trailer douche" and disqualified him from the weekly.

I just can't take a man wearing mascara seriously. Ab Pirate is out.

Miami FTW. Miami is so consumed by douche, he's no longer human. Prick him, he bleeds vinegar and water. I'm certain he has "Summer's Eve" tattooed on his chest.
 

So hard to pick between these three prime examples of oxygen-wasting choadology...also disappointed that CowPoke didn't make the cut. Gotta go back & look for a second.... Wow, really tough...guess you can't have a TurdFlush every week! Gonna have to throw it to...the Pipster. That look on his face makes me want to beat him with a four-foot length of rebar, thereby liberating the Hott so that she can find an excellent seat on my face.
 

My vote is for Pippy, and I still say his hot is more Heather Graham than Drew Barrymore. I'm talking Boogie Nights Graham, not when she was dead and bloated in Drugstore Cowboy.
 

my vote is also for pippy.

just want to smash his face and take his hot... nothing more
 

I have to vote for Johnny Pirate. Mandanna, eyeliner, visible boxers, red bull with 'bag gesture. He revels in his scrotal fungus/axe stink.

But I am also fascinated with strange bodied maybe asian chick. The glasses, the weird tiny body, THE UGGS WITH LINGERIE??

We have a fairly clean hott, pirate douche, and....... I don't really know. Possible post op tranny?

I am mesmerized.
 

Oh man, they all have huge douche faces. I hafta give it to Johnny Pirate. The mandana/mascara combination is just sickening.
 

My vote will go to Pippy. I was going to vote for Johnny Pirate at first, but the hotties are already too bleethed out to be taken in consideration (I mean the hairy boots, why ? WHY ?)Even though they are quite hot.

But Pippy (despite what his names mean in French) sums up all things douchey. The look, the lips, the military necklace, the extremely douchey, largely open V neck t shirt, and, of course, the 'bag hand gesture (that even the Gator wouldn't do, because of its meaning in England) are all parts of an elaborated concept. Pippy here has chosen to join the dark side, and live a douchey club life.

The hott has that not completely innocent look that contrasts with her scandinavian beauty. I would let her spread some cranberry marmelade on my meatballs, even if it can let stains on my swedish semi-throwable sofa.
 

I've gotta go with the physical manifestation of scurvy that is johnny pirate.
 

i was totally prepared to cast my vote for Miami Scammy, but then i read punky douchester's comments and damned if he hasn't changed my mind. a well thought-out piece of work there Sir.

therefore my vote goes to: Pippy




additionally, Fuck Fish Slap.
 

I'm voting for Miami Scammy. The outfit, the pose, and that chick. His facial expression alone has turned me into a homicidal maniac. He went way out of his way to purposely look like a douchebag. And by way out of his way, I mean he surgically had his brain removed.
 

Pirate. Yarr.
 

Miami Scrammy. When I opened the page and saw him, I thought to myself...whoa!...now that's a douchebag.

But when I opened the comments, someone posted exactly that, so I just kept beating (my cock) down the line.
 

I gotta go for Johnny Pirate, this one is too easy. Although I must say I thought that "Wither the Douchebag" should have made it though.
 

Johnny can't help himself...

Pippy can.


Pippy wins.

Although I thought Hoverbag was a worthy finalist.
 

It really is a toss up this week. And by up, I mean off.

Pippy's young Heather Graham hott is almost enough to carry him. Look at her...like a little lolly pop. But I gotta give it to Miami because of his lofty douchey attribute count. It's dizzying. He lacks nothing. It's hard to say just how hott his hott is because of his greasey vice-like headlock, but she looks to be carrying her weight.

Props to Johnny on his doucheyness and hotts, but they're obviously PTP.

That's one for Miami.

Amerigo Vesdouchey
 

Pippy
 

Tough.

Pirate - shirt off, bandana, mascara, red bull - you're a loser

Miami - you put all your effort into picking and coordinating your attire and THAT'S what you come up with?

Pippy - trying to dumb down his doucheness with the plain white t.. can't fool me, dbag, for that futile attempt you get my vote.
 

Put me down for the pirate. He's every Halloween party from two year's ago's worst nightmare.
 

Tough call this week, but Miami Scammy has to be the choice. His entire look eminates douche.

And the cell phone clip? Come on. We have pockets for a reason. This douche bag gets my vote on that alone.

Miami Scammy FTW.
 

Johnny Pirate wins by far. No one else possesses such a punchable face. Such ridiculous guyliner. Such frightening abstrocities (borrowed from Stephen King's "lobstrocities"). And the unkindest cut of all, this terrible purveyor of douche has infected the hotts around him to such a magnitude of Bleeth, I cannot even fantasize about them in naughty ways. He has bleethed the one of the right to such a degree I hate her NEARLY as much as I hate him. Like the hooker who really loves her pimp and DID roll you for him, not her. His crack-like infectious douchiosity is a plague, and the innocent hott on his right is in such danger I wish to swing in on a phallic vine and save her for my adoring ministrations. Few candidates inspire the chivalrous bile in me. It's like seeing Miranda being swept off by pirates to be given to Bawd and Pander in "Pericles." I was to be her Lysicmachus and pull her safely home. So I can have sex with her. (Yes. Pericles. It's a play. By Shakespeare.)

Uncle Phinn
 

As douche as Johnny Pirate is, SSBP steals the show. It's her look and the hands on the hips that makes Pippy so undeserving of her.

Pippy.
 

Miami dicknose for the win
 

I wanted to jump on the Pirate's ship at first, but after careful consideration, it's gotta be Miami Scammy.

Johnny Pirate is a douche, don't get me wrong, but MS just sucks. He is bad at life. His mother no longer loves him, his father has forgotten him through years of drinking, and his cell phone is purely decorational since he long ago lost the ability to communicate with words. He goes back home and looks at this picture and thinks, "Yeah, I'm sweet". But you are not sweet you anally scented scrotal itch, you suck.

Miami Scammy FTW.
 

Johnny Pirate. He shows why there is "no hope for mankind."
 

I have to go with Jophnny Pirate because I can at least comprehend the others' motivations and decisions (albeit they're terrible). Johnny Pirate is like translating the Azerbaijani language into American English through a cultural smokescreen where "we should go to the store and buy shirts" isnt just different linguistically, but has a totally different underlying meaning which is: "the shirt you have on is terrible."

This being the case and my being ignorant and afraid of what I dont understand, Johnny Pirate FTW.

Army of Douche-ness
 

Johnny Pirate is a supreme-douche.
 

While the other two are definitely prime douche material, the pirate is just so, so... pathetic.

Walk the douche, pirate.
 

pfah...

Thanks for the props but I am a SHE not a he. Thus the comment about my bisexual desire for Pippy's hott...

-Punky Douchester
 

Johnny Pirate is obviously at a Costume Party so he is out. With that mascara and mandana, he is obviously going for the gay pirate (butt pirate?) look. Dancing girl is dressed as a member of the Himalayan Lingerie Police and the other chick is supposed to be a whore.

It seems that everybody has great expectations for Pip and he is douche, but I don't think he tops Miami Scammy.

Note: the unnecessary white belt that does not hold up the pants, that does not hold the cell phone, that serves only to look "cool." Factor in the Affliction hoodie. The chopped up blue jeans. The 10 degree hat tilt and CZ bling.

The douche face.

And the Bleeth. Tight white pants, Ed Hardy baby doll and Tiffany bracelet. And whatever the fuck that hat is supposed to be. She is such poser. I would like to pose her, poke her and make posters out of it. And then I'd tell her to stop acting like such a retard.

Miami Scammy FTW
 

I don't think it's fun to make fun of Johnny Pirate. He's obviously been crying because he couldn't go see his favorite techno artist. Plus, Eski-Ho is disgusting.

Pippy's just supporting peace, y'all. And young Barrymore Hott is sadly supporting his piece. However, he can change, and he will because AIDS makes a guy think.

My vote's for Miami Scammy. I'm pretty sure his jeans were made from the Shroud of Turin.
 

Pippy FTW. He is a dickhead for sure, but this girl is so perfect that anyone, including the monopoly guy is a choad in comparison. The douche to hott differential is just too great to overcome.
 

IMO, what we have here is three different types of douchebag;
Johnny Pirate is the "ridiculous" douchebag. He's a pro, and he knows he's being mocked, but he doesn't give a shit. He's too stupid to get it.

Pippy is the "laid-back" douchebag. Yeah, he's got a few accessories, some manscaping, and a douchey expression, but his hott is better than your hott, so he's unconcerned with what you think.

Miami Scammy is the "we-try-harder" douchebag. He took a long time to put this look together. I'd bet he changed outfits at least three times before leaving his efficiency for the night. He is so insecure that he MUST have the correct brand identity to insure his place in his peer group. His facial expression says that he's trying to be hard, but coming off whiny. And his insecurity also manifests itself in his mugging of the hott. He's goona strangle that relationship to the death.

So, to make a short story long, Miami Scammy FTW.
 

It's tough, but I gotta go with Johnny Pirate. For the mere fact that he looks contagious. I'm not sure exactly with what, but I wouldn't let myself, any friend, or any family member within 10 feet of him.
 

I can't go with Johnny Pirate because there's too much of a costume vibe in that pic.

Miami Scammy, on the other hand, angers the blood. I don't want to punch him in the face, I want to introduce it to a wood chipper.

Miami Scammy gets my vote.
 

The Master said, "The superior douche is distressed not by his want of ability. He is distressed by men not knowing of him."
-The Analects of Condouchius

The superior douche is Pippy. The doucheface lets us peer into his innermost soul and see his desire, his painful yearning to be loved and worshipped by all men.
 

Pippy, please, as I would gladly swim all the way to Sweden just to get lectured at by SSBP's stern Lutheran uncle.
 

Johnny Pirate.

I just love pirates.
 

Miami FTW. While the two other candidates show the innate talents required to achieve greatness in douchebaggery, Miami's technical brilliance sets him apart. He has flawlessly blended elements of both the Jersey school and Los Angeles traditions of Choadery. A well executed but not overzealous Jersey Tan. A slightly sideways gray Viet Cong hat that would be the envy of any scrotebag in SF's Marina neighborhood. The cell phone. The belts. The facial expression. The pants alone are worthy of a Douchy. On its face this contest looks close; but once you give each one of these plebs the scrutiny they deserve it is easy to see that Maimi takes the crown.
 

After much deliberation, I've gotta go with Miami. It was between him and Johnny P for a long time, but in the end, the belts, the hat, the face begging to be punched, the jeans, and for the love of all that is holy the PINK PHONE...sealed the deal.
Real men don't wear see-through jeans, Miami. End of story.
 

Johnny Pirate FTW. He's the true heavyweight champ of doucheness amongst these choads. Pippy, I'd rank as a strong middleweight contender, while Scammy can only weigh in as a journeyman flyweight.
 

Miami Scammy... but it's a tough call.
 

Johnny Pirate FTW. His Gerardo, "Rico Suave-Douche" aura approaches Douchernova proportions.

Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
 

Miami Scammy is the DOUCHEIEST ever on this site. He demands the win,and by win, I mean eternal mockery.
 

Pippy. Its as tho Dopey of the seven dwarves managed to pull Cinderella because he tanned for two weeks and posed as a soldier in the prince's army. This seems like a disater of a fairy tale. It can't be denied.

-North Dascrota
 

@punky douchester.....i am truly sorry and i can guarantee you that i wouldn't have made that mistake had you been standing in front of me. keep up the great work punky.
 

There is a sad story behind Johnny Pirate's pic, and it goes a 'lil sumpin' like this: hastily promoted fourth tier UFC spin-off event. venue places vague craigslist ad for 'edgy, hip' models for red bull promo. Johnny Pirate answers the call, cakes the guyliner on, and is positioned on the sidewalk behind bike racks to to dance the douche. MMA goons mistake pen as the octagon and Johnny is pummelled into submission. confused bleeths console Johnny Pirate with news he wil raise the belt of HCwDB of the Week.
 

Miami Scammy, needs no explanation.
 

Well, Miami Scammy without a doubt. His hott is not the best of the bunch by any means. Honestly, the hotts from all three finalists aren't as scrumptious as I would like. But the amount a guido wrecking my vision is obscene.

Miami Scammy spent a long day of shopping to find the right pair of jeans. They had to be both Miami enough and Guido enough. Pippy tossed on his V-neck, left his Coast Guard issue dog tags on and walked out the door. M. Scammy got out his compass, his sextant, his nautical plotting maps, reef maps, and a salami sandwich. He then made sure his azimuth and declination were correct. He located what he thought was the North Star with his sextant to get all angles precise, then with the care of a brain surgeon he placed the douchiest hat Federal Reserve Notes will buy, even as they fall against the Euro, upon his grease slicked cranium. Johnny Pirate found his crusty sweat stenched mandana, threw on some eye shadow and BOOM!... out the door. M. Scammy wasn't done yet. He could wear his black AF 1's with his black studded belt or he could go for the white Avia's with white studded belt. The choice was obvious once he pulled his crispy new Allfiction douche garment from the parchment paper in which is was wrapped. The cherry on top was his favorite bling chain. The club was now ready to receive Miami Scammy.
 

Pippy isn't really choad. He's just to pretty to have the neurons required to create facial expressions, therefore the douche-face. Johnny Pirate FTW.
 

Pippy. Because the chick looks even sexier than Heather Graham.
 

Is it time for the weekly already? I am still reeling from the atrocity that was Turd Flush that we endured last week. After some reflection, I have come to the conclusion that Kurtz’s famous last words “The horror! The horror!” in The Heart of Doucheness could very well have been inspired by a vision of the Turd Flush.

This week, none of the finalists disappoint as their persistent, overwhelming douche-baggery has yet again driven home the notion that god is in fact dead and that our species is doomed. With that said, before I cast my vote for the douche of the week, I would just like to say, no matter who wins, you’re all refuse in my book.

This week, after careful consideration, I have to cast my vote for Pippy. Make no mistake; JP & Miami are thoroughly depressing. Both are blight on society at large for sure and I certainly cannot find fault for anyone who voted for them.

But in the end, neither JP nor Miami could convince me. When you are forced to look at ‘bag authenticity, no one holds a candle to Pip. JP is over the top douche and it really does him a disservice. He is blatantly putting on a show and just going through the douche motions. The contrast between JP’s everyday-jackass-playing-make-believe-douchebag-at-the-party and the true blue douchebag ‘I would dress and act this way if I were shopping for groceries’ that Pip brings to the table becomes as clear as night and day. No matter how hard he tries, JP is just another closet-weekend douche. You take away the guy liner, the man dana then stuff him in a cheap suit and he looks like a accountant. No, until JP does some real soul searching to find his inner lowlife and begins to let the douchebag play a bigger role in his everyday decision making, I cannot endorse him. Overall, the JP trio presents a fine spectacle to laugh at, but nothing that is overly remarkable, especially when it comes to the two scrunts flanking JP.

Enter this weeks other B-actor, Miami. Is he pathetic? Yes. Does his wardrobe scream ‘I toss salads’? Sure. Would you like to put his head into a vice, smash out his teeth with a claw hammer and feed him his ball cap? Of course! But is he convincing? This is where I got hung up. The look on Miami’s face tells me he is still on the proverbial douchebag fence. He almost looks frightened of the douche and what he might become. Miami is at a crossroads, without the clown costume, Miami and his flower-print-future-welfare-mother-with-three-children-by-different-fathers hott could just be your everyday, run-of-the-mill shit heap. So until Miami is willing to become one with the landfill that is the essence of any douche, the weekly will elude him.

Ah Pippy, I would like nothing more than to lock you in a room and flood said room with toxic chemicals while SSBP and I get drunk and play just the tip, which is just before I ravish her 6 ways from Sunday. You are by far the leading douche this week as I have absolutely no doubt you drank more than your fair share of the VH1 / MTV kool-aid. Let’s not forget, this jerk made not one, not two but three, count them THREE submissions this week alone! All head tilt, all vee-neck, all hand gesture, all douche face, winning isn’t enough for this bag, Pippy is not just competing, he is looking for medals. In the end, his hott SSBP locks it up for Pippy as she is more than fit. If his rookie outing is any indication, I think we can expect great things from Pip. Once this shithead is allowed to ferment, look out Fish Slap!
 

I'm torn between Pippy and Johnny Pirate.

As much as Pippy seems like he reeks of stale nuts and beer, him and his hott reminds me of Anytown, USA where the buffalo graze the prairie lands, the mustang dances with the Arapahoe and male cowboys do it in a mountain called Brokeback. I hate him but it seems like he'd hand wash my car for free while I talk to his hott about how she can be my girlfriend every Wednesdays. He's a douche but endearing. Endear-douche?

Now Johnny Pirate. Shiver me timbers! Har me matey! Ye shall walk the scrote plank! Har! Uberdouche all the way however, that twinkle in his manscara covered eyes tells me that there is a douche that simply needs a hug. He's not a boy yet not still a man, definitely a douche.

This is hard. Hmmm, in true Towelie fashion, I will have to choose... BOTH!
 

Anyone guy who looks in the mirror with that outfit on and says "yeah, this is what I'm going for" is a douchebag of epic proportions. Hall of Fame douchery is on display with Miamy Scammy by a long shot.
 

i would like to raise the possibility that miami is a gaybag and exempt from this vote. view him through Elton John-tinted glasses and reconsider your evaluations.
 

I gotta go with Miami Scrammy. Johnny Pirate is a moron and I'd like to re-try the ol' baseball swing on his face, but it looks like a costume situation. Miami Scrammy's pants made me lose a little of my corn pops when I first saw them. Shakespeare put it best when he said "To rip the jeans or not to rip the jeans. That is the douche." Bill Shakespeare and I vote for Miami.
 

Gotta be Miamy Scammy. He looks like some highly accessorised figurine molded from one of fish slap's sperm filled bowel movements.
 

Johnny Pirate
 

Johnny Pirate... he is the essence, nay the lifeforce of douchebaggery. Without him.... I won't even go there, it's too beautiful to imagine.
 

Pippy FTW.

Anyone can pull off the douche look with all the appropriate douche gear & affectations, but you can't just try on the inner douchey glow, which Pippy has in spades.

And then there's Blondie. Oh, Blondie.
 

I was really torn up about all 3 until el doucherino@7:42's words swayed me over - that is a bang-on assessment of douche.

Miami Scammy for the win.
 

Gotta go with Miami Scammy FTW. Although they are probably at a senior year HS dance, his douchitude is almost a caricature of itself. hat tilt (check)..belts (check)... stupid t-shirt (check)... razor-bladed jeans to the point of laughable..CHECK. Although I'd like to crush Pippy's doucheface with a brick or retribution, Miami Scammy takes the cake...and by cake I mean the savage beating he has coming...
 

J. Scrotten makes an important point that MS, JP, and Pippy define their own specific territory in the kingdom of douchebaggery. Thus, a tough week.

As a first-time voter, my money goes to Pippy, not just because of the delicious confusion coming from his faux-military-meets-trailer-peacenik look. It's also because of the gorgeous hott at his side.

She's totally, intentionally hott, and she doesn't care what you think any more than Peacenik Pippy does. As a couple, they meet the picture-perfect, shakti/shiva polarity that creates a HCwDB experience.
 

i base my vote this week on who fills me with the most homicidal rage:

Pippy FTW
 

Has to be Miami - he's wearing that "how much is the douchey in the window?" look on his face that makes me think, is it 2 in the head and one in the chest or vice versa? while the pirate is a fine contender, and pippy may be a douche in training, 2 belts and a pink cel phone just scream douche. and if it weren't for the look what I found chokehold he's got on the hott, my guess is we'd get a better look at her, and from what I can see so far, me likey.

now see, I looked at his pic again, and I want to smash something. drives me nuts. Miami for the win, Pirate to place, and Pippy to show. here's my 2 dollars.
 

while my first instinct was to immediately Miami or the other cockanballs, I realized my mind was clouded and not taking into account the biggest factor: balance. The yin and yang of cultural Armageddon. For while Miami ratchets up the douche factor, his chick is nowhere hot enough. Pippy is certainly hot enough but v-neck mcgee, loathe as I am to admit it, is not douchey enough.

Therefore it must be Johnny Pirate. He is equilibrium in all forms. And by equilibrium I mean the stench of asshole

Avast ye matey
 

I've gotta go with Johnny Pirate.

When it boiled down to it, I based my decision on "Which picture are most likely to contain traces of VD?" This is what put Johnny over the top.
 

My vote's for Miami - he embodies all that is Jersey douche.
 

I'm doing this without reading any of the others first.

I really like Miami Scammy. He's a complete Jersey style douche, and that's what this is all about. I also believe his girl is probably pretty hot underneath all those pesky clothes. However, when I look Scammy, I don't get angry. Know why? His hott is an obviously bleethed out sloot and he can have her. That picture, while clearly of a hott and a pretty big bag, does not anger me. Moving on.

Pippy is awesome. I love the minimalism of his douchery. No Jesus bling, orange tan, ridiculous clothes or hair gel. Just an amazingly douched up facial expression, a v-neck, dog tags and a gesture. And yet he manages to convey such a sense of wrongness and douchosity. It's the rare bag that makes you feel the rage but you can't exactly explain what it is about him that sets you off coherently. And his hott, wow. She's unreal, and clearly untouched by any kind of bleething yet. There are many weeks when Pippy would win.

That brings me to Johnny Pirate. Now, if there were only one hott in his picture, I would be voting for Pippy. Also, if he weren't wearing makeup I would be voting for Pippy. But not only does he have two genuine hotts (even though I hate asian girl's sunglasses), and not only is he wearing makeup, but he is shirtless, wearing a mandana and sporting yellow boxers underneath his track pants.

But that's not even what bothers me about Johnny the most. Look at his face. Remember the kid in school that tried too hard socially? Like, he was nice but he clearly didn't have the social skills to make it as one of the popular kids, but he kept trying. That's Johnny. He has the look of someone who was a borderline nerd in high school, who finally built a "cool" persona in adulthood, but he is cripplingly insecure. He worries that at any moment he could be discovered, like an douchebag impostor or like Chas from "Airheads" except a douche. He's terrified he's going to be found out, so he becomes a bigger and bigger douchebag. The lie grows. Then one day he finds himself like this: shirtless, drunk, with makeup on, and smiling uncomfortably outside a club while what appears to be an Asian girl with mammoth hooves humps his thigh.

Johnny Pirate, FTW.
 

Johnny Pirate is great. Not quite Hall of Scrote, but he's no amateur. Bump this makeup-wearing goon to the monthly, let's see how he fares up there.
 

Usually I'll go through and read the entire comment thread. But I've decided to let my inner bag hunter speak for itself without any outer influences. With that being said....

With an initial glance at these three pestules of scrotal puss here, my gut reaction is to give the win to the Pirate. He looks like a comic book figure. Mandana, eyeliner/mascara, facial pubage, shirtless, the underdraweres display and what seems like a rage inducing grin.
Let it simmer for a second...simmer, simmer....

Ok, on to Scammy. Double belt? Check. Mindless stare? check. Jeans that probably cost more than everything else in his ensemble put together, (to include the cell phone), but look like they got mixed in with the white load washed with bleach? check. 10 degree hat tilt? check. But something tells me he's trying too hard to stand out...no, even though his hot is screaming for me to save her and the funbags from certain bleached bliss...I can't vote for Miami Scammy.

Then there's Pippy. I want to initially dismiss Pippy as just too plain. But he's obviously in a club...with a white deep V cut white shirt. With dogtags. (being in the military myself, that alone just screams imbecile) The Right Said Fred "I'm too Sexy" look with the half-assed hand gesture. Is he trying to be mysterious? Suave? Tough? Well, he FAIL with flying colors. DB1, it matters not the large forehead and resemblance to Drew Barrymore. I'm such the optimist that I believe that SSBP is seen in multiple pictures because she herself is a bag hunter and understands how uttlerly low this fromage a al scrote is.

So after retrospection, Pippy, you get the vote...and are first in my line to be fed feet first into a woodchipper alive. Because you give me the runs when I think about what your essence of being, (poo...gassey, stinky, runny poo), really is.

Pippy FTW
 

A shirtless bag, a classic Afflicted douche and a marine on leave with a v neck tee on? Touch decision. Being that the choads are somewhat vanilla this week, I have to go with the one with the hottest hott. I go with the PIRATE because black stockings may be Thai. And me likey the Asian hotts.
 

Pippy. that douche face is unstoppable, even though pirate makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit.
 

Please, think about this when voting:

This site is about the Hott/Douche interaction, the potential face-bashing energy that is generated when one type of Hott is approaching physical contact with one type of douche, the physical manifestation of the great concept of yin and yang, correct? So ask yourself which of these guys would you involuntarily hunt like an animal if you heard his Hott say, in reference to the scrote at hand, "He's dreamy"? First you must care about the Hott, then you must consider the douche. Which combo makes you a potential listing on the F.B.I.'s most wanted list?
 

There's a subtlety in Pippy's presentation which scares; he is a threat who comes home to roost; dragged to our hearths by the mange cat of vacuous culture. One can prepare for Mystery, for The Scammy and South Beach by extension, but Pippy? Three weeks hence my sister's hot friend will tell me he's "misunderstood" and they'll go out for smoothies while he thinks thoughts of oiled ping pong balls.

That said, a douche in hand is better than a Pippy in the bush. And by that I mean if my hand brushed the manila folder which once held the rental agreement for the mall kiosk where Johnny Pirate bought that g-ddamn mandana, I'd cut my arm off at the shoulder with all the charming verve of a rogue swashbuckler.

Johnny FTW and may he rot.
 

This week my vote goes to Miami Scammy.
If you analyze this unique speciment of the scrote from the top to the bottom, you can find many(Read: a shit lot) of douchie accessories. To start with the diamond earings, representing his "look at me I'm rich" side followed by the crooked cap which is clearly one of the best sign. If you go lower, you notice the empty, abysmal sucked emotionless face of a typical douchebag along with the "kiss shaped" lips. We continue our trip down with a bad dress code with a gold chain. At this step, you can notice the nice struggle he's giving to the hott. No hug, no boobie grab.. but a struggle, like if it was his pray. He would scream "I swear to god I didn't know she was choking" To finish the douche ride, we go at the bottom where you can behold lawnmowed tasteless hobo pants along with a second whity belt.

It was a tough call this week between Pirate and Miami, but I can't help myself to think that Pirate is just goofing around when Miami is douchie-serious.
 

Miami Scammy by a (dick)nose. The attitude in his head tilt and sneer makes me wanna hit and run, then reverse just to make sure.
 

My vote goes to Pippy. Johnny and Miami may be 'bags, but they're clearly weekend bags. For all we know, they lead normal lives, hold steady jobs, and go all out when the time comes. Pippy's subtleness, however, tells me that he is a 24/7 douchebag.
 

MS gets the vote.

Imagine yourself walking into a douchebag nightclub after drinking the appropriate amounts of Night Train and Red Bull.....

You'd look at Pirate Pete, and realize he how much of a scrote he is, but perhaps he's just arrived from some pirate convention or costume party.

You look at Pippy, and immediately want to punch him in the face, since he thinks he's some tough shit with a good looking girl.

However, then you look at MS, and can't control yourself from vomiting the Night Train mixed with Red Bull. The reason you vomit is either A. Because you cannot believe your luck of finding such an epitome of true douche, and are laughing so hard that you are having trouble breathing, or B. You just can't stand the doucheness of it all.
 

Johnny Fuckin' Pirate FTW!
 

I select Johnny Pirate. The fact that he's wearing a Mandana AND guyliner, while shirtless, doing the Ab point while clutching a Red Bull (The baggiest drink known to humankind) in one hand, and clutching a potential post-op tranny in the other, while showing his JC Penney's bought boxers from underneath his track pants make this an overwhelming sense of douchery. I almost feel bad for the hott on the left, but hey, no one held a gun to her head and forced her to be in this picture. Unless....

-Bill Douchetrive
 

Miami Scammy is the HCDwDB of the week.

It starts with the pants. MY GOD, the pants. Next, I have never seen so many screenprinted tat designs... those should be on some needle-freak's back. The sun reflecting off the overabundance of cheap-ass bling could provide enough solar power to run a small third-world nation. And finally, this douche's face seems to be saying, "Yeah, I'm a douche. What are YOU gonna do about it, bitches?" He must receive the honor.
 

There can be no denying Pippy. His hott is top shelf. I don't think that I have ever wanted to beat someone without hearing them speak quite as much as I want to beat Pippy, so theres that.

Pippy FTW
 

Wow it was close this week.

Yes Pippy sucks, but he can't help it. He just has too much of the jock mentality.

Now for Johnny Pirate and Miami Scammy.

Johnny just needs to go crash his Harley without a helmet and that will eliminate him.

The picture of Miami isn't great, but the whole "Yo I'm Vanilla Ice" shit has to go. He needs a good ass whoopin with a tire iron after he has his rims stolen.

Miami FTW
 

I think Miami Scammy deserves the win. He clearly spent the greater part of his afternoon planning this look. Doesn't that count for anything? His bagness is tight.
 

Johnny Pirate FTW. I mean he must have just modeled himself after the Pirates Of The Caribbean movie poster.
 

Johnny Pirate initially pisses you off the most, but Miami Scammy's douchiness ages like a fine wine.

Scammy ftw.
 

Pippy. This pic exemplifies "Hot Chicks with Douchebags." Hearing that term, you immediately think of that achingly hot girl that lived down the hall in your dorm back in college and her fucktard boyfriend who managed to fuck around with skanks at his frat parties and still keep hottie on the hook. It just wasn't fair, and it still isn't. To make it worse, the other girls all thought he was so hot. I will now go slam my head in a door repeatedly. Pippy's pic brings that all back within one second of looking at it. Pippy and his sweet Swiss Miss are what necessitated the creation of this site in the first place.
 

After looking at Pippy I wrote my congressmen. We are in desperate need of a law that would bring back crucifixion. SSBP & Pippy define HCwDB of the week, if not of the year.
 

Johnny Pirate
 

Pippy.

Ski Bunny's adorablality is enough to generate neologisms, and the power of Pippy is magnified by the impeccable sameness of image after deleted image. The face, the gesture, the head tilt, the hairless chest exposing v-neck, the dog tags, the hott. His pics in toto aspire to an entropy-defying Unity.
 

Damn. Tough. MS wins though. That fucking turdface is an oozing open sore of doucheness; his douchal pus has even turned what could be a quality piece of ass into a total bleeth. Miami Scammy indeed. Makes me want to gauge my eyes out with a rusty screwdriver.
 

Pirate... meh.

Pippy... assclown.

Miami Scammy FTW.

Because I want to someday witness the fury of a wrathful God.
 

My first thought was Johnny Pirate, but his pic reeks too much of p2p for my taste and the Hotts, while definitely hot, give off a bit too much of a sleaze factor.

Therefore I cast my vote for Pippy. He has all the completely un-earned air of superiority scrawled across his 'bag-puss. He is also pictured with one of the more delectable hotty-hott-hotties to grace these pages of late.

Pippy FTW.
 

Well, just glancing through the comments it seems to be a fairly even divide, which somewhat sums up my feeling on the Weekly. There is no overwhelming douches this week, however, after much consideration (or an eenie-meenie-miney-moe game), I'm going with the Pirate.

Pippy's girly is beautiful, just an excellent look all around. As far as Pippy, I just don't feel it. I almost feel like he has seen HCWDB and saw the beautiful ladies that have shown up on here with the douches and tried to mimic. And I must say, well played Pippy, well played...

Miami, meh. I will agree with DB1, the girl is very much underrated (you can read my comments on her in their first post). As for Cyrano De Bergersac, the two belts is inexcusable, the cell phone is very manly and his pants apparently lost a fight with a skill saw. However, he's a standard issue Jersey douche, nothing new here.

The Pirate, he hits me as a wrestler of some kind, so he's supposed to look like that. The Asian girly doesn't do it for me, however, the cutie on the left is quite attractive. Beautiful smile, nice legs, looks like she'd fuck you up, all of which I am very much a fan of.

So, I gotta go with the Psycho Killer (Qu'est que c'est?). He's not overly awful, but the lack of competition earns him the victory.
 

Pippy FTW

Because I could never get tired of thinking ways in which to injure him. That isn't the only reason he should win. SSBP were going head to head with the other hotts, she would win in a landslide. And when I say landslide, I mean sex.
 

I'd like to see Miami Scammy squashed in a Miami Vice.
He gets my vote. Glad to see voters are warming to his hott.
 

On close observation, Pirate Boy and the smoking hot brunette on his right appear to be brother and sister (check out the similar noses, cheekbone structure and jawlines). They probably borrow each others make-up.

Miami is truly detestable, a typical Cranston wigger, but his hott is definitely nott.

I take great consolation in the fact that someday soon Pippy with get his smug fucktard face blown off by an IED in Baghdad, leaving young Drew Hott to be comforted in her time of loss by me.

Pippy ftw.
 

Mascara, no shirt, hint of undies from beneath ripped abs - awesome (if these were describing either of the Hotts with Pirate.) As it is, he needs to get hit in the face with a huge rotting sockeye salmon. Because I don't really like salmon, and I hate him.

Pirate FTW
 

Ok, I really had to work this one out in my head.
All 3 are complete packages but when I look at Miami I wonder how the fuck we ever became a world power and worse yet how long will we be.
My vote is for Miami by a/his twisted fucked up lookin nose.
Turdacious
 

Johnny Pirate.

He looks like one of the choads from Crazy Town. What a dork.
 

The abs, the valets, the barricade and the steel chair lead me to believe that Johnny Pirate is douched up on Thursday night for his amateur wrestling match at the local Elks Hall. Assuming that he received the Red Bull from the venue for free, that constitutes payment and that makes him a pro. Next.

Pippy - meh. Inner douche, schminner douche. We've seen worse.

Miami Scammy and his doe-eyed slice of pixie cuteness for the win. They both look as if their bodies were made of velcro and they were fired out of a cannon through the off-brand apparel booths at the AST Dew Tour. They are a pox on my eyes. She should be paramedically nakedized, her clothes soaked in Bestine and set ablaze so that we can bask in her glory by firelight. He should also be soaked and torched, stripping optional.
 

Miami Scammy has enough douche to make up for the lack of hott.
 

miami scammy, yes ma'amy!
 

Given more photos, taken on a differnt night, Pippy is an HoS candidate. He is the Jack of all Douche.

Johnny Pirate's got a certain pro je ne sais quoi, though I do love costuming on the Hotts.

So the weekly goes to Miami because Madri Gras floats have gotten just plain putrid since Katrina.
 

@turdcious, lol, funny but world power...are we still?
my winner is miami scammy
 

At first glance I was ready to vote for the Ass Pirate but then I took into account that he is just posing with a couple of PTP's while waiting in line overnight at Wal*Mart to get first dibs on the new Capt. Jack Sparrow action figure. "Hey quartasian UGH queen Dr.NO called,he want's his radiation goggles back!"

Then there is Pippy,a major choad for sure but douche??? (ass clown more likely)

Which brings me to Miami.He meets all of the requirements hat tilt,bling,affliction ect. but what closed the deal for me... the pants, you HAVE to be a douche to actually pay for ripped up jeans!!
Miami FTW

Fish Slap for the Fuck You
 

Some focus on the hott. Some focus on the douche. But only together, in combination, can they form the ying/yang of horrible wrongness that defines utter doucheosity.

Pirate's eyeliner is truly grotesque - 'baghood taken to a new and surreal level - but his hotts are obviously in the terminal stages of toxic bleethdom.

MS is strong, very strong. The force is with him...but he is not a jedi yet. If his hott was just an iota more luscious, he would run away with this thing on the strength of his wife-beater-in-training doucheclutch on her neck. But look closely at her. She is dressed a little too much like him. Deep down, I have this fear that they may be kindred spirits. Highly disturbing as that may be, it doesn't have the true taint of desperate beauty corrupted by brute douche.

I give you Pippy. Some are distracted by his lack of douche acoutrement. Don't be. He trascends the glitzy material baubles that others must resort to to acheive his level of vile, sneering choad. Like a shaman of scrote he has left behind the empty devices of the material world to become one with the oozing tide of douchiness welling out of every pore. He is pure douchebag in every pore. You don't need hair gel to see it.

Then there is his hott. Where he is sneering and hateful, she gazes into our eyes with the doelike gaze of pure love. Where he poses and cocks his hand in putrid, affected self-awareness, she simply is, her beautiful limbs in graceful repose as perfect as it is unaffected. Where filth and grease radiate through the dingy stains on his reeking wifebeater, she charms in her delicate blue dress. His shaved head looks exactly like a scrotal sack. I would fling myself under her car just to catch a whiff of her flowing golden locks as she bent over me in concern.

I'm taking Pippy for the weekly.
 

i wasn't sure and then i saw the belt clip cell phone and it was a no brainer.


miamy ftw
 

Jesus! You fucktards. Did you NOT read douchetacular's post?!?!? It's a lot like mine; become the douce, understand the douche, THEN vote for the douche. I've already voted so I won't taint the pool but...come ON you fucking pool full of taints!!!
 

Ima take the Pirate FTW. That lil asian bird-flu-ridden mosquito of love has made my sphincter twitch, I really do. And something about thinking you're so bad-ass as to wear eyeliner....with facial hair....

...an its not even June yet!

plus the dual hotts, abbitude, point, mandana, wrist bling, sculpted face mold, ass-eating grin, trunks under pants (the new '08 summer douche season's look), and the Red Bull.

no contest
 

In the chemical zone between the Night Train and good weed Johnny Pirate reigns supreme. Look at him! There is no chemical capable of erasing this vision of douchey nightmare. Even a handful of Oxycontin and a few swigs of Mad Dog 20/20 can't ease the pain created by this picture of an ABDouche in a pen. Miami Scammy is a dumbed down Eminem, a cut rate WalMart douche tossed into the clearance bin. Pippy is not in the same league and should be banished from competition until he can rightfully claim choadhood. Pirate for the win.
 

Miami Scammy - I feel drawn to her curvaliciousness.
 

Pirate!!! Good competitors but no contest!
 

Johnny P. Nothing else to say.
 

What the hell is on Miami's chic's hat? It looks like a genetic code sequence.

For poo.

She gets my vote on her own merits.
 

Pippy.

Pip - don't overplay the deep and sensitive card. You'll have nowhere to turn when she gets sick of it and just thinks you're a pussy.
 

I wish I had time to wax poetic on this week's contestants, but I'm just gonna have to say that Pippy has a certain je ne sai qua about him that puts him to the top.

Pippy '08!
 

One vote for Johnny Pirate, and his two crusty barnacles.

Talk like a Pirate Day isn't until September, and there's no excuse for this in the meantime. That running eye makeup goes above and beyond, leaving the other two scrotes in his douchey wake.

Yargh. Now go walk the plank.
 

It's got to be Miami Scammy.

The really scary thing here is that his douche-ness has completely consumed his hot chick. Like vines growing up the side of a house, douchery has completely grown over the beautiful lady.
 

Pippy.
 

Johnny Pirate FTW. Looking at that dispicable scrote with those amazing hotts has made my hangover even worse. Uuuuggghh. He deserves to die.

Pippy is definitely douche, but I feel at an earlier stage than JP or even Miami Scammy, who just looks like a typical Jersey club goer. Jersey: if only I had a nuclear weapon!
 

Pippy FTW

The Pirate is clearly at some sort of macabre douchebag party. His douche is unnatural, thus removing himself from contention. Plus the hots look to be rented.

MS - I would love to hold his head underwater, so there is that. But his hot? She could be a burn victim an amputee or a dead body the way he has her propped up. No verification on his hot, so nope, Miami can't win.

Pippy is doucheface supreme and he also has a mega hot. That greasy douche sneer could wither spring flowers. Pippy is clearly miles past the others, he doesn't need bling or popped collar to compete. He has elevated the douche to an entirely new level.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

j pirate no questions asked. as you said youself db1 the girl in scammy's pic is cute underneath, but that swashbuckling douche's girls leave almost nothing to the imagination

ill shiver her timbers anytime (really surprised you didn't make that joke, blame it on the PBR im sure)
 

miami scammy's pants alone belong in the hall of scrote.
 

Pirate hands down! Total fucking club douche to the max! Just look....no explanation needed.
And you know he ass raped both of them club sluts.

Miami looks like something Chris Angel shit out.....douche fecal matter is not grade A Douche.

Pippy has tags and throwing a jive hand sign, but not a complete ass wipe. Maybe some greasy locks and chin strap maybe.

Pirate FTW
 

Johnny Pirate and his rodent grin. The gratuitous black eyeliner tops it off like whipped cream on a shit soufflé.
 

Miami Scammy. He needs to be slapped in the face, hard.
 

I've been checkin' this site out now for about three months and I can honestly say Miami Scammy is the worst I've seen (save perhaps for Millennium Bag).

DB1, straight to the Hall with this one.
 

ARRRRRRR....Captain Jack-off Sparrow has to take the prize this week although it is a very close race. His mandana, guyliner, chin pubes, while shirtless in the club clutching a red bull all propel this ass pirate to the top.

Pirate FTW
 

My first time voting! Whoo hoo!

Johnny here, although having the right accessories, actually looks happy. Slightly genuine. Real douchebags don't have a good time. They just douche it up.

Miami's got all the right stuff and the perfect "I'm too cool to have a good time" look on his shit eating face, but I swear I have a gay housemate who dresses the same way. I'm willing to speculate with riverdouche that he may be a gaybag. At least until I see more of his antics and snagged hotties.

Pippy, however, has got it down. He's so smug and so trying to be overly masculine that it creeps me out just to look at him. The baggness eats away at my soul. How can you not see the monster besides you SSBP? Pippy FTW.
 

Miami Scammy: The dicknose and the wanton stare are one thing but the bling and white club attire burning out my retnas while I imagine lolita hott taking a shower with a bottle of herbal essence, takes the douchecake.
 

Pippy FTW
 

I think Pippy is easily a weekly winner. If you were to crop out his face alone, you couldn't tell if he was standing next to his excellent hot in the club or if he was on the toilet squeezing out another Turd Flush.
 

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@ billy goat's scrote

a wise first vote. welcome to the fray.
 

Miami Scammy hands down.
 

pirate FTW
 

Pippy by a choad
 

Pippy by a choad
 

Johnny Pirate is nothing more than a Turd Flush stunt double. Its amazing to me the amount of support JP is getting. I am never usually this far out of tune with the rest of the constituency... MIAMI SCAMMY IN A WALK. get that god damn cell phone off your hip this instant. i want to beat you to a pulp scammer.
 

pirate
what an ugly ass-pirate
but miami has the best hott
 

Miami has horrible dress sense, but I'll throw my vote in for the Pirate. I...just don't know what's wrong with this guy.

Regards,

Scroto Baggins
 

Yesterday I was in line to pay for gas at a 7-11 and the guy ahead of me was wearing a cap at a 35 degree angle with several hundred tiny NY logos on it (we're over two thousand miles away from New York). He had pussy-ass douche-rocker hair, a douchey belt, and his jeans were halfway down his ass. At first I wanted to punch the hell out of him. Then, I laughed to myself. He left, I paid, and I passed him in the parking lot. Again, I wanted to punch him so bad. Just once. Then I laughed one more time.

These are all worthy contestants, but I think Pippy is overrated. Because of my close encounter with real douche, I have to give this one to Miami Scammy. It's an anger management thing.
 

Miami Scammy, this douche IS you.

The double belt, the 20 degree tilt, the GIANT earring, the faux-torn jeans(he paid 200 bucks for them at Versace, pre-torn) and the inability to choose between clinging to his hott or his beer, and deciding to lock both in a death grip--all of this make a complete scrotal package that blows the other two out of the Axe bodyspray pool. Miami Scammy, you are douche of the week.
 

PS: Yes, it is hard to tell if MS's hott is hott or just cute, but there is something about the huge open mouth smile on her face that I find very sexy and hot. She seems innocent in that she is either A) really having a good time, or B) Really enjoys the company of Scroty Mcscrote here...which makes me question her intelligence, but all the same, she's a high quality hott.