Friday, April 25, 2008
"Whither the Douchebag?"
I was heading into my local Trader Joes to stock up on Peanut Butter Joe-Joe's cookies when he stopped me. A young boy, maybe five or six years old. He was playing with a tennis ball and waiting for his mom by the entrance.
"Whither the douchebag?" he asked me, his eyes confused.
Unsure if he meant "wither" or "whither" in the old English sense of "to what purpose," I asked him to repeat what he'd just said.
"Whither the douchebag?" he asked again.
I realized he meant to inquire as to douchebaggery's origins. It was a surprising question from a kid so young. Perhaps he'd glimpsed the tatted up uberdouche visage of Xenu somewhere. Somehow the land of Armani-Exchanged tools had invaded and overwhelmed his young senses.
A question so complex deserved a proper answer.
"Kid," I replied. "The collar pops not from without, but from within. As you grow older, you must fight it. Do not fear the douche. Confront it. Overwhelm it. And enlightenment will be yours."
He nodded.
"Thanks." he said quietly.
I wasn't sure if he fully understood. But as I went inside I'd hoped I'd set his young mind on the right path of de-douchification and enlightenment. The path of self inscription.
I felt I'd made a difference. At least a little bit.
Later, at the checkout line, I hit on his mom.
Comments:
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Great job on getting the complete WingDings collection tattooed on your chest loser.
# posted by 
: 1:22 PM
: 1:22 PM
As much as i hate a lot of these DB's on this site, i can atleast kinda understand what goes through the weak and fragile mind of the hotts and to why they may find them attractive.......but with this guy, i dont get it....is he some major drug dealer? Did he win the lottery? Is his father the creator of the piano neck tie? How does he manage to pull any ass, let alone hotts
# posted by : 1:25 PM
: 1:25 PM
Ah, finally we see the softer side of Xenu, the benevolent Xenu. He is pleased with his offering, and it seems clear from the expression whom he will eat tonight
# posted by : 1:26 PM
: 1:26 PM
Pink tie with pink shirt? Xenu's hidden nipples frighten blonde milk toast. My Engrams regarding the trauma of Xenu's horrible visage are acting up, enraging my Thetan. Someone bust out the Red Bull and loose the Goose, I must release the bag within!
@ anonymous:
"Great job on getting the complete WingDings collection tattooed on your chest loser."
- Pure fucking genius. Nobody can follow that one.
"Great job on getting the complete WingDings collection tattooed on your chest loser."
- Pure fucking genius. Nobody can follow that one.
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
...(looks in the mirror), "wow, i really look great in this outfit", attila the douche says to himself, "i think i'll wear it out, and pose with hot chicks..."
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
Ditto heino. Thanks a lot anon 1:22, back to flossing my choad until dinnertime I guess.
# posted by : 1:43 PM
: 1:43 PM
Holy SHIT... Even the blonde looks horrified! And rightly so. This guy's posture, expression and features remind me of a silverback gorilla.
# posted by : 1:43 PM
: 1:43 PM
I wasn't so sure that Xenu was a real douchebag until now, with such subtle signs and all.
But this picture finally convinced me after much deliberation.
But this picture finally convinced me after much deliberation.
Please,somebody construct the alien machine from Contact to beam a clue into this choad's head. What a steaming pile of scrote you are, Xenu. It is literally impossible to know where to start. Is that the ritual mating hairdo on your planet?
# posted by : 1:55 PM
: 1:55 PM
DB1 - you continue to positively contribute to society. That kid's mom should have thanked you with a BJ in the breakroom while her son studied the organic tomatoes.
You should have taken the kid's tennis ball. Tennis is a bag's game.
--Thin White Douche
--Thin White Douche
# posted by : 2:02 PM
: 2:02 PM
I mean douche-baggery has to be somewhat genetic right? I think the matter needs to be studied more.
@Douchey McDouche
How could you possibly not be sure.
If you look at a pyramid of Douchedom, it would be XENU at the top and all other douches funneling down..2nd row starting with Peaches and Gator. One day on this site you will see Xenu 1,2,3,4 etc up to 20.
IMO
Turdacious
How could you possibly not be sure.
If you look at a pyramid of Douchedom, it would be XENU at the top and all other douches funneling down..2nd row starting with Peaches and Gator. One day on this site you will see Xenu 1,2,3,4 etc up to 20.
IMO
Turdacious
# posted by : 2:09 PM
: 2:09 PM
"this tat was when I was totally wasted on Hollywood blvd....and this one was when I was in Vegas so drunk off my ass....and this one is when I was drunk and someone dared me to get it" etc etc
# posted by : 2:14 PM
: 2:14 PM
@ Turdacious-
I think he was being "ironical" like he scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells Soren Norway guy he'll buy him a drink at their MIT class reunion.
I think he was being "ironical" like he scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells Soren Norway guy he'll buy him a drink at their MIT class reunion.
# posted by : 2:28 PM
: 2:28 PM
@ Turdacious-
I think he was being "ironical" like he scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells Soren Norway guy he'll buy him a drink at their MIT class reunion.
I think he was being "ironical" like he scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells Soren Norway guy he'll buy him a drink at their MIT class reunion.
# posted by : 2:28 PM
: 2:28 PM
I realized the great and powerful Xenu was a douchebag to the 23rd degree, but I didn't realized he was a nail salon owner with Queen Anne-style benches for the pedicure stations.
Minxy Khazak goodness on the left seems familiar from a previous posting here.
Minxy Khazak goodness on the left seems familiar from a previous posting here.
# posted by : 2:35 PM
: 2:35 PM
Xenu is truly awe inspiring...and by awe, I actually mean awe.
His douchosity is spectacular. And with the softer side, as evident by Pink Xenu, or Peenu, we see why he is followed by legions of douche and bleeth alike.
He's gentle, kind, benevolent and would pulverize the will and soul of the lesser scrotes.
This picture captures the instant his virus infects the young britney spears on the right. Deer caught in xenu lights. Xenu is to douchedom as SuperAIDS is to AIDS.
His douchosity is spectacular. And with the softer side, as evident by Pink Xenu, or Peenu, we see why he is followed by legions of douche and bleeth alike.
He's gentle, kind, benevolent and would pulverize the will and soul of the lesser scrotes.
This picture captures the instant his virus infects the young britney spears on the right. Deer caught in xenu lights. Xenu is to douchedom as SuperAIDS is to AIDS.
Xenu's ejaculate immediately reforms into a liquid Cyborg like
T2 and will wipe the earth of all of us douche haters. Beware.
Oh, and I'd like to hit that deer in the headlights on the right. And by hit I mean masturbate while I think of her boobies.
T2 and will wipe the earth of all of us douche haters. Beware.
Oh, and I'd like to hit that deer in the headlights on the right. And by hit I mean masturbate while I think of her boobies.
# posted by : 2:58 PM
: 2:58 PM
This douchebag's tats make him look like a U.S. Trade Dollar that was chop marked by Chinese merchants in the 1870s:
http://images.marketplaceadvisor.channeladvisor.com/fullView.asp?id=241377971&fc=0&img=http://www.ebwcoin.com/f6/f6342-o.JPG
http://images.marketplaceadvisor.channeladvisor.com/fullView.asp?id=241377971&fc=0&img=http://www.ebwcoin.com/f6/f6342-o.JPG
# posted by : 3:09 PM
: 3:09 PM
@Douchey McDouche
Yea I figured, I just used it for my segway. He is a Magnificant Douchetard.
Turdacious
Yea I figured, I just used it for my segway. He is a Magnificant Douchetard.
Turdacious
# posted by : 3:15 PM
: 3:15 PM
somewhere in hollywood is a man whose ejaculate leaves randomly selected tatoos wherever it lands. and he is this guys boyfriend.
Brothers in antidoucheitude, I fear that Xenu is our God and he is only testing our faith.
all hail Xenu.
all hail Xenu.
# posted by : 3:21 PM
: 3:21 PM
Perhaps you were mistaken admin, I'm sure the young lad was merely remarking that he'd like to be able to envision a world free of douchebags after languishing the long years of his existence under the ever present cloud of axe that hangs over your fine city.
Wither the douchebag indeed.
Wither the douchebag indeed.
As a teacher, I see many a bagling-in-training. The horror of fauxhawks and ear bling on first, fourth, and fifth grade baglings must be combatted with courage and class.
Carry on with the wisdom of your teachings, DB1, carry on.
Carry on with the wisdom of your teachings, DB1, carry on.
# posted by : 3:30 PM
: 3:30 PM
Blonde on black realized too late that this gay-vogue-athon wasn't a joke, and that really was a camera ... "phuck where'd my buzz go? I hope this doesn't wind up on HCwDB." ... too bad ... you can't acid-bath choad like that from your clapper.
@anon 1:25 said: As much as i hate a lot of these DB's on this site, i can atleast kinda understand what goes through the weak and fragile mind of the hotts and to why they may find them attractive.......but with this guy, i dont get it....is he some major drug dealer? Did he win the lottery? Is his father the creator of the piano neck tie? How does he manage to pull any ass, let alone hotts
I'm going to argue against all of the above. Look at this guy; he's obviously a computer geek who got really good at Photoshop. He just inserts himself into photos with Hotts while baitin' at 3am.
I'm going to argue against all of the above. Look at this guy; he's obviously a computer geek who got really good at Photoshop. He just inserts himself into photos with Hotts while baitin' at 3am.
# posted by : 3:56 PM
: 3:56 PM
Anonymous 1:22PM (aka alfredouche fettucini) reporting back...
what i love about Pepe's douchery here is that he actually believes his intricate facial manscaping and two nose rings add machoness to his "i wear pink cuz i can" look. He should just hang himself with that Donald Trump tie.
what i love about Pepe's douchery here is that he actually believes his intricate facial manscaping and two nose rings add machoness to his "i wear pink cuz i can" look. He should just hang himself with that Donald Trump tie.
# posted by : 4:21 PM
: 4:21 PM
Xenu looks like he's havin a rough night. That said, he's raising the douche-bar to astronomical heights.
Chick to the right looks scared to death.
Chick to the right looks scared to death.
db while i applaud your earnest efforts in taking the battle of antidoucheestablishmentarianism
to the streets, as your blog lawyer i must warn you you are not insured for any damages or riots you or you antiscrote sandwich board messages cause...therfore i would suggest you pay an illegal migrant worker to carry the board instead
to the streets, as your blog lawyer i must warn you you are not insured for any damages or riots you or you antiscrote sandwich board messages cause...therfore i would suggest you pay an illegal migrant worker to carry the board instead
# posted by : 6:59 PM
: 6:59 PM
Douche-Bag: It is a rude term, because a douche is a feminine hygiene product used to clean the vagina. so when you call some one a douche bag you are really calling them a p****y cleaner
T. Bonz
T. Bonz
# posted by : 8:14 PM
: 8:14 PM
Just when you think the depths of douchery cannot fall any further good ol' Xenu manages to surprise us all.
Although he looks as if he's just been roughed up a little, no?
My God he makes me laugh. Where's a wet-towel-snap-to-the-bare-chest when you need one?
Although he looks as if he's just been roughed up a little, no?
My God he makes me laugh. Where's a wet-towel-snap-to-the-bare-chest when you need one?
# posted by : 8:26 PM
: 8:26 PM
This week on a very special Blossom, Xenu gets into a threeway with Blossom and her best friend Six.
# posted by : 8:57 PM
: 8:57 PM
Well it's obvious Xenu is heavily influenced by this site. He's greased himself up like Brandon Davis and raided White Chocolate's closet for that nice pink shirt and tie. What a Choadic Icon.
# posted by : 10:15 PM
: 10:15 PM
Quick Xenu, check out the pattern
on the wallpaper behind you!
Next tat comin' right up!
Make sure to buy those "Ladies"
their next round of Shirley Temples!
on the wallpaper behind you!
Next tat comin' right up!
Make sure to buy those "Ladies"
their next round of Shirley Temples!
When I opened this picture e cross on my wall just burst into flames and my bible just opened itself to the book of Revelations. What does it mean?! I beg you, Lord Xenu, please do not take the brunette back to hell with you; she is everything I long for.
# posted by : 1:11 PM
: 1:11 PM
Xenu can lift the front of a volkswagon with his left pinky fingernail, his right hand is always busy directing the universe
# posted by : 2:13 PM
: 2:13 PM
I'm thinking thats Mother and Daughter, Exnu thinks nothing of tag teaming that
# posted by : 5:22 PM
: 5:22 PM
This picture isn't about Xenu.
This picture is about the future winner of batshit crazy eyes girl of 2008.
You do NOT want to fall asleep next to this girl. Unless you want to wake up with your still-warm, yet neatly shorn, testicles stuffed in your mouth.
Which, technically, would make you gay AND a eunich at the same time.
Medical fact.
This picture is about the future winner of batshit crazy eyes girl of 2008.
You do NOT want to fall asleep next to this girl. Unless you want to wake up with your still-warm, yet neatly shorn, testicles stuffed in your mouth.
Which, technically, would make you gay AND a eunich at the same time.
Medical fact.
Cutie on the right: "Chest...pentagram...so...awful..."
"Must not give in to urge to kill..."
Eyes widen
"Wait, you're taking my picture with this freak?"
"Must not give in to urge to kill..."
Eyes widen
"Wait, you're taking my picture with this freak?"
# posted by : 6:57 PM
: 6:57 PM
Yet another classic, oh so classic, hot/douche combo, the kind that screams "I may be hot, but if you want anything to do with me you must come near this monstrosity that I associate with." Was the dragon guarding the fair princess just a tattooed pink shirt wearing mega-douche? Did she like to take pictures with the dragon and send copies to prospective suitors?
how is it that this douche seems to loosen/take off his tie and unbutton his shirt in every picture, how is it possible that there are so many instances to do that, and that it's ok ... it's almost like he never fully dresses himself
# posted by : 6:49 AM
: 6:49 AM
Xenu is #1 on America's most wanted Douchebag list, and I'm just the bag-hunter to catch him. And, by catch, I mean mock him mercilessly once I track him down to the point where he cries tears of Axe body spray.
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer
# posted by : 7:34 PM
: 7:34 PM
These are two incredibly HOTT chicks that have no idea the level of scrote they they are about to engage i.
xenu appears to have a mural on his chest depicting the scientology dogma, I believe those are the thetins floating around after lord xenu exploded the volcanos with H bombs, yes, yes, a very dedicated follower.
# posted by : 7:30 PM
: 7:30 PM
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: 2:02 PM
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# posted by : 3:17 PM
: 3:17 PM << Home
