Monday, May 12, 2008

 

Cactus Pud


And while you're mulling your vote in the Weekly, here's a delicate, sweet, honeysuckle Desert Flower planted next to a smelly-ass Cactus Pud.

The good news is that the Cactus Pud only has to water his hair every six months. The bad news is his pits smell like a mixture of salmon, canola sunflower oil, and a Brazilian cabana hut used to store donkey ass.

Not even a rare appearance by Unambiquitous Blue Cup can save this unhealthy desert scene.

But note that Ubiquitous Red Cup waits in the background, watching ominously. Ubiquitous Red Cup knows what's up.

# posted by Douchebag1 @ 11:33 AM
Comments:
that guys armpit is wetter than my mom at a neil diamond concert.

speaking of which, what is my mom doing in the background?
# posted by Blogger bcs : 11:37 AM
 
looks like chris moneymaker after a month long heroin binge
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:37 AM
 
This is just not good.
Pud is the perfect description of this dude. He's not a douche, he's just a pud. I'd like to redden that Hotts little ass with that black belt she's sporting.

And what is with the green light?
# posted by Anonymous Steve Douchemi : 11:40 AM
 
The guys armpit is wetter than Ricki Lake at chinese buffet.
# posted by Blogger danny noonan : 11:43 AM
 
This might be the worst "party" ever!

Once again I am amazed that the pop will make you look like an instant idiot. Even though it is tough to look past the hair and not get influenced.
# posted by Anonymous The Bag Baron Manfred Freiherr von Douchehofen : 11:45 AM
 
Is that a lip ring I see?
# posted by Blogger Red Cup Diaries : 11:46 AM
 
I'd bury my face in her hair and deeply inhale just like that elf behind her is doing. Elf has the right idea. The big fella looks like an investment banker or insurance salesman. He needs to take his big paw and flatten the crows nest and go hop into a blue blazer and get back to the cubicle.

- Douchey Smurf
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:46 AM
 
either this is the date rape 'before' picture or Sweaty Pud is her father. Possibly both...

Either way, lucious young hot must be saved! and when i say 'saved' I mean paddle her taught naked buttocks with a teflon spatula until she moans and calls me ' mommy'.....
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 11:46 AM
 
This guy is half a bag short of cashin' in his chips, as the white cherubic ballsacks with feathery wings whisper in his ear,"Grow towards the light, grow towards the light. It's time, just let go, look down on your body, and grow towards the light."

This guy is more of a tool than a douche...hence the Pud moniker...good call, DB1

Oh, and he's got a purty 'lil mouth....could make himself quite a few friends in the joint with a man-pleaser like that.
# posted by Blogger Scrotus Operandi : 11:48 AM
 
BTW is that a tattoo on his finger where his WEDDING BAND should be?!?!?
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 11:49 AM
 
Hasn't the DB1 used the name "Cactus Pud" before? I would look it up, but I'm far too lazy.
# posted by Blogger Mitch Meats : 11:57 AM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Angelina Jolie at a Veitnamese orphanage.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 11:58 AM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Ellen Degeneres at the Miss America pageant.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 12:01 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Mr. White's prom date.
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:01 PM
 
DB1, at what point can we actually recommend someone uses AXE or TAG? Me thinks this guy might set a precedent.

Also, someone needs to smack the blue cup out of his hand. Us blue-cuppers are a secret society of anti-douche.
# posted by Blogger Burnsy : 12:03 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Barbara Walters at a speech therapists convention.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 12:03 PM
 
@Douchetoevsky eagle-eye
Good call. That finger tat is most retarded. Not nearly as retarded as the guy I saw with a watch tattooed on his wrist, but at least he always knew the time....what's Cactus Pud gettin' outta this deal? Fucking loser.
# posted by Blogger Scrotus Operandi : 12:03 PM
 
Fun Fact of the Day: When illuminated with medium wavelength light Douche Cacti secrete fluid that is a chemoattractant for dung beetles allowing the cacti to spread its spores.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:04 PM
 
Click on that photo and study the holder of the red cup. Is he wearing some of those gag "Groucho Marx Glasses"?

- D. Smurf
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:04 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Imelda Marcos at Famous Footwear.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 12:06 PM
 
Pud is sweatier than a catholic priest at a boy scout jamboree
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:06 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Bra standing in front of a wall of 'star tat' flash.

- Douchey Smurf
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:07 PM
 
Fun fact of the day: When illuminated with medium wavelength light, Douche Cacti secrete fluid that is a chemoattractant for dung beetles which are required for transport and eventual seeding of its rectal spores
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:07 PM
 
Oh and Pud is wetter than the area between Rosanne Barr's skin folds
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:09 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than Billy Jean King at Wimbledon Women's Final match.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:10 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Oprah at a Dunkin' Doughnuts 2 for 1 sale
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:11 PM
 
Ah, excuse me, it was "Pud Cactus." My mistake.

His pits are wetter than an ice cube at one degree Celsius. OH SNAP!
# posted by Blogger Mitch Meats : 12:12 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than Darksock's balls in a Deep South summer.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:14 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than mr. white's chest after a golden shower.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:15 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than mitch meats palms on a first date.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:16 PM
 
He's wetter than the aftermath of an Indonesian hooker, in a Jakarta Motel room without AC, who experienced one of Mr. White's famed showers
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:16 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Lindsay Lohan on Stag Nite at the methadone clinic.
# posted by Anonymous Douchetacular : 12:17 PM
 
He's sweatier than Shawn Kemp on father's day
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:17 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than bcs' taint at a cliff diving competition.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:17 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than fergie's crotch during her last concert
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:19 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than douchetoevsky's eyes during Old Yeller.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:19 PM
 
he's wetter than Lawrence Tierney in a South American cabana on June
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:20 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than pfah's bedsheets after bea arthur stays the night
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:20 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than the inhabitants of Myanmar.
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:20 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than johnny scrotten's eyes during Extreme Makeover, Home Edition.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:21 PM
 
@bcs...and i make her sleep on the spot too.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:21 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than the drip pan at the Myanmar mortuary
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:22 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than pfah's boxers after a night of drinking.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:23 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than DB1's dick after playing 'Just the Tip'.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:24 PM
 
pud's pit is sweatier than a whore in church
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:24 PM
 
this guy is sweatier than pfah during bear mating season
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:24 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than the chin of a kid with cleft pallet at Thanksgiving dinner.
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:25 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than baby jessica after she fell in the well
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:26 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than Laci Peterson

..sorry
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:29 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than Vishnu at a Pat Robertson telathon
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:29 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than Terri Schiavo after a sponge bath
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:31 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than miley cyrus.


seriously, that chick gets unbelievably wet
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:32 PM
 
@arkansas your killen em son lol
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:32 PM
 
this guy is so wet, New Orleans built a levee around him
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:32 PM
 
How did a bloated piece of shit end up with such a tasty mid-west hott?

It's called Degree Clinical, asshole. Divert some funds from your gay belt account.
# posted by Blogger "Old 'Bag Eyes" Frank Scrotnatra : 12:33 PM
 
pud's pit is wetter than susan smith's kids
# posted by Blogger bcs : 12:34 PM
 
that guy is so wet, he has two of every pet.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:35 PM
 
pud's pits are wetter than Josef Fritzl's daughter after his basement flooded.
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:35 PM
 
this guy is so wet , hott uses her boobs as a flotation device
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:36 PM
 
@bcs
smith...wow
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:36 PM
 
This post has been removed by the author.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:37 PM
 
This post has been removed by the author.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:38 PM
 
This post has been removed by the author.
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:38 PM
 
This guys pits get so much precipitation, Green Peace is trying to save them
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:38 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than Bill Clinton's suit pantleg.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:39 PM
 
Pud's armpit is wetter than Bethany Hamilton's left arm.
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:41 PM
 
that guys armpit is wetter than Jenna Bush this past Saturday night.
# posted by Blogger pfah the bear whisperer : 12:43 PM
 
for the record...i would totally bang Bethany Hamilton
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:43 PM
 
Pud is sweatier than Pfah during a Golden Girls marathon.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 12:44 PM
 
That cant be his snatch. I'm guessing the one in the background on the right that emits a beeping noise when she backs up. Are those hoofs or feet? How many cows have to die when she buys shoes? Something tells me he's dipping skoal.
Dudes pits are wetter then Amy Whinehouse at a all you can smoke crackhouse.
# posted by Anonymous the honorable dr. haywood jablowme esq. : 12:45 PM
 
This post has been removed by the author.
# posted by Blogger douchetoevsky : 12:45 PM
 
Dudes pits are wetter then Louie Anderson at a male gymnastic competition.
# posted by Anonymous douche shower and shave : 12:47 PM
 
Dudes pits are wetter then Kwame Kilpatrick texting CB.

Sorry its a Detroit joke.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:48 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than Paris Hilton at Cocks-R-Us.
# posted by Blogger johnny scrotten : 12:49 PM
 
Anon 12:48
I get it and it works and i'm not even from Detroit.
# posted by Anonymous moby douche : 12:52 PM
 
Not one comment (okay, I'm way too lazy to read them all) about rolling his sleeves up to expose a flabtastic lack of musculature?!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:52 PM
 
Pud's pit is wetter than the Thai Whore's pussy I banged.....what? that wasn't a pussy? Lady boy? What's that? fuck.....
# posted by Blogger Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh : 12:55 PM
 
This pud's pit is sweatier than a hooker on dollar days
# posted by Anonymous the big douchebagski : 1:25 PM
 
This pud's pits are wetter than Bra's eyes in the tattoo chair
# posted by Anonymous the big douchebagski : 1:28 PM
 
Pud is sweatier than BRA!! at a pop machine.
# posted by Anonymous Steve Douchemi : 1:36 PM
 
Pud is sweatier than Sen. Larry Craig at the Glory Hole Museum.
# posted by Blogger DarkSock : 2:12 PM
 
Pud is wetter than Betty Crocker humping Duncan Hines.
# posted by Blogger DarkSock : 2:13 PM
 
Pud is wetter than Rosie O'Donnell's sponge cake dildo.
# posted by Blogger DarkSock : 2:13 PM
 
Has anybody commented on how far CactusPud has rolled his fuckin sleeve up? There's a reason its called the humerus folks....

Scroto Von Douchemark
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:02 PM
 
Cactus Pud is a Fat Dude waiting to happen. You can see it. 5 or so more years, he'll be a big 'ole tub o' lard....
# posted by Anonymous Russel Scrote : 3:10 PM
 
Pud is wetter than Bubba Sparxxx at a....oh, wait, that IS Bubba Sparxxx...
# posted by Blogger DarkSock : 3:29 PM
 
scrote pits are wetter than the hands of any chick who felt obliged to dance with karl rove at jenna bush's wedding....seriously the president who doesn't get embarassed was too embarassed to have a white house wedding? they had to do a sneak job in bfe texas? that tells me jenna was such a ho that she HAD to get married and groombag drew the short straw...i know the game of rich folks hidey ho and this is classic...the dc media would have dug deep in the build up to a big white house show...not to mention the happy couple will be living in south b'more...wow exile in crack vegas
# posted by Anonymous my sun named tzu : 3:34 PM
 
the bleeth looks like a beatdown version of the brunette from "the in crowd" and he looks like a baldwin country cousin
# posted by Anonymous my sun named tzu : 3:37 PM
 
tzu - care to throw up an over/under on whether Lil (possibly shaved) Bush has one baking in the oven?
# posted by Anonymous the big douchebagski : 3:52 PM
 
Cactus Pud's armpits are so wet when Brunette Hott touches him they __BLANK__.

Cue: 1970's game show music.

"Charles Nelson Riley, 'Cactus Pud's armpits are so wet when Brunette Hott touches him they __BLANK__.'"

"All I could come up with is... ooze more."

"Charles, you're an idiot."

BTW, his sleeves are rolled up so high because it's his homage to Jim Cramer.

And that belt is his homage to douchebags.

As is the watch, the hair, the finger tattoo, and the striped shirt. Good job on the homages, Cactus Pud.
# posted by Anonymous MC 900 Foot Douchebag : 4:08 PM
 
Pud's pits are wetter than Tom Cruise watching a Steve Reeves movie marathon.
# posted by Blogger Señor Squash : 4:18 PM
 
Pud's pits are so wet he scrapes mildew off his teeth before brushing.
# posted by Blogger Señor Squash : 4:21 PM
 
Hmmmm....MC 900 Foot Douchebag might be onto something. Maybe he realized his hair would piss off his hero Jim Cramer so he rolled up that striped mess in honor of 80's cokehead turned new millenium stockbag Cramer. Seriously if you really wanna be a douche then ditch the striped shirt lest you piss off the gator....

Scroto Von Douchemark
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:20 PM
 
little late, but:

pud's pits are wetter than christopher reeve at the kentucky derby
# posted by Anonymous the douchitania : 6:18 PM
 
Pud's wetter than Rosie O donnell with a pair of Hillary's Mrs. Doubtfire undies
# posted by Blogger Douche Bigalow : 6:51 PM
 
big douchebagski i would say thats at least a strong possibility...but i was thinking that more immediate was the fact that the u of texas alukmni with intimate knowledge orf the situation will be needing to look for private sector jobs soon...or at least will be parlaying their souveneer job opportunity one way or another...thus hard to keep that quiet forever....
# posted by Anonymous my sun named tzu : 8:39 PM
 
Look at that pathetic projector. They couldn't afford a Christie?!?!?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 8:47 PM
 
all this guys needs, and his cow sister in the back, is a good ol' fashion dump. take a shit dude, you will feel better.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:15 AM
 
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