I, uhm, yeah...nevermind.

Oh, and one more thing.

Poo.
 

I raise my Ubiquitous Red Cup to you, DB1, Sarge, and all the other baghunters holdin' it down this evening.

cheers everyone!

Army of Douche-ness
 

Choad Life: Tales from the Baggage Claim outside Tijuana Regional Airport
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Of all the Star-Belly Sneetches tattoos that I've seen on this site, this one takes the douchebag cake. If only we could have been listening in on the planning process.
 

like cans of soup, batteries, and water during a hurricane...there has been quite a run on douche for the last 48hrs...maybe everyone is stocking up just in time for Memorial Day weekend.

The picture of Bagwatch nights begs the question, what happens when one douche calls out another douche (as this is clearly what is going on by baby blue tilt hat in the background and the obvious bag in the fore)? I think it was the fear postulated by Doc Emmett Brown...the world may begin to collapse on itself by douche-douche recognition.

Yo,The end is nigh, Bra.
 

strong point uncle wally...

"remember that guy who rapped that song ten years ago and died ten years ago? C'mon, you remember, right? Well, get? Chug, instead of thug...Its hilarious!"

-el doucherino
 

Ha ha, njguido.com is great. This is one of the worst things I've ever seen.
 

When did "Life" become douche slang for "Cock"?
 

DB1, you have struck choad gold with this one, not only is he a douche but hes a slime ball on top of it. I can smell this one all the way here in california.
He looks like a 2 foot long ball sack hanging from my 95yr old granpa
Hott on left has got it, the one on the right caught it,
Turdacious
 

Nice find on the njguido site, tho my laptop slid off the desk from all the excess axe grease eminating from the screen.

Is that Lord of the Liprings hot on the right?

Oh yeah, Fuck Fish Slap.. I mean Fuck Bra..I mean..nevermind it's Patron Silver time!
 

The one on the right is trying to keep him from putting her eye out with that thing. Lefty's looking for the closest exit.

There's just something about this eyeshit that makes me want to put on my pop's old metal cleated golf shoes and make an air hockey table out of his back.

$100 8-ball
 

Sorry abot the reverse left, right confusion. That brunette has given me dyslexia. Meaning, she could lexia my dys.

$100 8-ball
 

"2 foot long ball sack"

that's just funny
 

@anon 3:50
Thanks!
Turdacious
 

He looks soooo confused. "Are these girls really touching me? Why are these girls touching me?" asks Chug Life Douche.

We don't know, Chug. We don't know.
 

Bra, its Friday Brosef!!
 

What a dick. That's the worst tattoo I've ever seen, and I've seen some bad ones. And yet the Hott still touches him. It's apalling.
 

This one is mind boggling.

What the chug is that?

really?

This is the example of douche/hott dichotomy I needed to take me into my weekend? The enigma that will haunt me into my third shot of Makers Mark/Nati Bo combo?

really?

fuck you DB1....there was a time when the government buried the AIDS crisis....those were better times.
 

That doesn't say Life, that actually says Lee. This is Douche Lee's Belgian kathoey sidekick, Buttermilk.

Good weekends to all youregs and anon marshalls of the mock, tips of the alcoholic beverages to all you douchebags who get me through the work week.

But most off, hats off to Smearkat hott. And by hats, I mean jerk.
 

This brings me back to a familiar refrain I have said on this site... hott women are stupid.

I'd like to finish off my Makers Mark and smash the bottle over Chug Douche's head.

Why has nobody else commented on the placement of his belly button? Even with low slung pants that thing would be located somewhere mid chest on a normal human.

God, I gotta get drunk.

DB1, the best part of HCwDB being mentioned in NYC Metro was that they used your site banner, but not the whole thing. Nothing like opening a "family" newspaper and seeing DOUCHEBAGS plasetered across one of the pages. Classic.
 

I call bullshit on this one.

He drew the tatt on himself using a Sharpie he found in his sister's makeup bag.

The "T" in thug was the last letter he had to do. Since he'd been mixing shots of Robitussin and his mom's cooking sherry, he got a little shaky near the end.

Thug, chug. Close enough.

Apparently it's enough to impress these low-voltage hotts.

They're completely oblivious to the fact that he's in his second trimester.

Looks like a great weekend shaping up in Jersey.
 

I gotta jump up and down while loudly screaming 'douche' 'til the neighbors call the cops. In fact, it might be even more douche-o-delic to draw that shit on than to get it tattooed on. Then there's the whole manboob sportsbra thing with what appears to be a TV remote control clipped on. Top that off with the dazed inbred gaze and I think we're talking doucheworthy 'bag.

And the brunette's pretty hott, methinks.
 

CHUG LIFE? What...the...F@ck?
 

@MC 900 Foot Douchebag
Good Eye!, i missed it because overall he looks like a deformed fucktard.
Turdacious
 

looking closer at the turd tat, I wonder if thats a miller high life bottle in the I.
Turdacious
 

Did anybody NOT go to high school with a twat waffle who looked JUST LIKE Chug Life?

The 1992 vintage proudly owned a Naughty By Nature, but secretly thought 3rd Bass was better.
 

@dieter

a Naughty By Nature *t-shirt*

Jebus...
 

arkansas dave wrote:

Makers Mark/Nati Bo combo?


Eeeeew! You FIEND!!! How could you mix such a fine bourbon with baltimore piss? You should be slapped. Or something.
 

The one on the right looks like and actress playing the poart of "Chelsea Clinton, the Missing Bleeth Years".
 

I can't wait for the day that I see these guys as old fucks crying over there retarded tattoo's that they are stuck with. That is of course if any of these retards will live past the age of 30, natural selection will probably take over before they get to old.
 

The dichotomy of Chug Life is striking. From the neck down he is a pale, white trash trailer park inhabitant that can be found in any small town in rural America. But from the neck up, he is the spiked, tanned, chode found in any suburb of New Jersey.

And that is when the revelation hit me. The douche is what the white trash aspires to be. The white trash is too poor and lives in too small a town to care about creating a spectacle to confuse the Hott. In fact, there are no Hotts too impress. The white trash would love, however, to tan and preen and corrupt Hotts. In other words, the chode is the white trash with time, money, and an audience.

Oh yeah, and boobs.
 

hi,
just a question : why do all american guys have tatoos and why do they spend all their life at the gymnase club?a very strange people...;)
US girls are small and the boys are big &tall, they look like body builders:it seems that girls&boys don t come from the same planet.
A visitor from Paris, Old World ;)
(sorry for my english, but we, frenchmen, still think our country is the center of the world)
 

Anon 4:45.... Look Frogger... don't use this site as a yardstick to measure/judge the rest of us.... merely for mocking pleasure. By the way don't you have a beret at the dry cleaner? A baguette to pick up? A cigarette to smoke under the Eiffel Tower? Now get out of here... you are wasting precious time that could be better spent being rude to American tourists.

- Douchey Smurf
 

one of my working compatriots was talking about PBR's the other day and he had to explain it to me. Duh.
DB1 you are a poet and philosopher of the hight order!
 

"highest" jeez
 

Where do you find these people?!
 

I'm pretty sure they are found in some dingy little hole of an apartment with gunk in the corners of darkened rooms cockroaches are afraid of.
 

@ anon 4:45.....Not all American guys have tats and waste their time in the gym. This website is to mock those douches that do. Are you tring to say that Frenchmen and women are the same size? If so, here's an easy way to tell them apart...the Frenchwomen will be the one's with the hairiest pits and legs.

Don't you have some potatoes to fry? A white flag to wave? Some deodorant to leave unopened? Some German language courses to take? Some snails to eat? An American's food to spit in. Some muslims to appease? Beat it, Frog.

$100 8-ball
 

I think that's a 40 for the "I" in "Life". He's so gangsta'! What a fucking buffoon.


LOL @:
"A white flag to wave"
"Some German language courses to take"
"Some Muslims to appease"

"Frogger" would respond to your taunting but he's busy with a Jerry Lewis marathon on Canal Plus.
 

@Cheezeeporn

I feel the dichotomy represented by the diverging qualities of Makers Mark and National Bohemian are a homage to this site.

Yes, Nati Bo is piss...it tastes like the can. Like visiting this site, it is modern day flogging to atone for my sins of coveting thy douches' hott.

So you say I need slapped. Alas, I am figuratvely slapping myself.

btw, did you see the boobs on the broad in bagwatch?
 

In my sheer indifference to the pic, I'd rather comment on alcohol discussed on the comment board. That's no knock on this post DB1--I'm the guy who gets sexually aroused by booze ads in magazines.

So Arkansas Dave Doucheabaugh does the Natty Bo (National Bohemian) with Maker's Mark. That's fine; I could see some Evan Williams, Christian Bros, or Jimmy Beam though.

Cheeezeeporn, Baltimore Piss? All I know is $1 Natty Boh enabled my crawling to Camden Yards. Not great, not good, but a true alcoholic must savor the local customs. Hence my morning with the Boh.

I'm in Chicago next week, so I suppose it's Old Style and whatever malt liquor swill available.
 

Arkansas Dave with the simultaneous post action haha...

Natty Boh tastes better out of the bottle I suppose.

And another regional brew not available in the west I guzzle-- Yuengling. I'd say a star above the Boh.
 

Heh, heh: "cultural douchecay."
 

@ANON 04:45
Dont even talk your frog smack around here. Trust me, your country has zero relevence when it comes to comedy, hygeine, winning a war, or cooking.
Now beat it... dont you have some Marcel Marceau mime bullshit to watch, some Jerry Lewis grade B movie to laugh at, some Julia Child cooking to scarfe down or some weapons to practice dropping for your next skirmish in surrendering. Dont piss us off because we can be madder then a Frenchman locked in a deoderent factory overnight.
 

Isn't Vern Troyer dead? Dr. Evil and Mr. Bigglesworth can't be far away. WTF is the cell phone/TV remote/bling-gone-bad/semen-catcher just below this choad's chin?

And what's with the Mona Lisa smirk and eye direction? Leonardo DoucheVinci much? Does the forty tattooed on the fool's stomach in place of the letter "I" have a bubble coming out of it?

God I hate Jersey. What a waste of a state. Their star should be forever stricken from the American flag.

Viva La Revolucion
 

Hey (insert derogatory word for french people), why don't you go (insert activity involving smoking, shaving a body part, or cooking something)?

Oh you're too busy (insert activity involving eating, drinking, or watching a popular french television show and/or movie genre)!

Mr. French, I assure you that not all the women are small and the men tattooed muscle freaks here. In fact, most of the people I see on a daily basis are flabby and gelatinous. Then again, I live in Cleveland.

I can also assure you that not all Americans hate you. You're smug, smelly little bastards, but you've got a beautiful city. My wife and I just went last year, and we were treated with the utmost respect.
Then again I wasn't tossing around bravado and flexing my red, white, and blue cock muscles as so many Americans tend to do...
 

America, fuck yeah!

(warning: irony may not be available in all states)

-el doucherino
 

I will say this America is stupid.
I know it was along time ago when our country saved you sorry ass french, but after all the shit you've thrown our way in recent years our dumbasses would do it again for you chicken shit aholes
America!, the greatest soil on the planet.
Turdacious
 

ROCK ON
ANON 0956
 

That's not a garage door opener/TV remote clip accessory. That's his gram gram's chemo glasses. She doesn't need them any more, god rest her soul. So eyeshit's using them for sunglasses.

$100 8-ball
 

Wow, lot's of anti-French sentiment, come on yos, we're better than that. Save that shit for the next Young Republican National Convention.

To our French friend, bienvenue. the whole point of this site is to mock the absurdity of the people you discuss. Yes there are many people who keep themselves in shape, but there are just as many fat folks out there (as the world enjoys pointing out). So let's keep the stereotypes of both countries in check, you guys rock, we rock a little bit more, c'est la vie. Although I would like to thank you folks for Audrey Tautou. All your idiot cousins Canada ever gave us was Celine Dion.

As for Chug Life here, I'm surprised nobody noticed what appears to be a tracheotomy scar next to his cellphone/remote control/sunglasses. Between the trach scar, the lack of neck, and his belly button that is 3' above where it should be, this gentleman scares me. Although I do like the smiles on these two young ladies, I do enjoy me some pearly whites.
 

** Note to self: Make sure my son never gets a tattoo...

I suppose he tells everyone he was really wasted when he did this.
 

mmmmmmm Audrey Tautou.
 

The center-of-the-torso belly button and the mis-spelling on the tattoo suggests this is actually an alien from the planet Doucheous VI, living among us in stealth while gathering information to take back to his home planet as they prepare a full scale invasion of Earth.

File this as: Doucheous VI Needs Bleeths.

The Scrote Is Out There.
 

One hopes that the mis-spelling was on purpose, an amusing attempt to make a statement like - 'Drink life in big gulps.' At least I hope so. The notion that this sad pissant just spelled 'thug' wrong hadn't really occured to me, and frankly it makes me want to cry and vomit.

Pardon me, I must go cromit.
 

Ha Ha, Chug looks like a tranny in progress wearing a sports bra. A ball bat to this choad, immediately!
 

Ha Ha, Chug looks like a tranny in progress wearing a sports bra. A ball bat to this choad, immediately!
 

Audrey Tautou. yesssss....
 

"les Etats Unis? le seul pays à être directement passé de la barbarie à la décadence" (Clémenceau).
A stars&stripes flag to the first one who is able to translate this sentence.

FroggyStyle

thanx "douchequixote" : your comment is worth it.
for the others:i knew the anti-french sentiment in US, but i couldn't suppose it was so ridiculous. Just come to France, you'll meet, for the 1st time of yur life,civilization (and our girls : audrey tautou, melissa theuriau & all the over-looked parisian girls).

but this web site is greeeaaat !
 

@Froggy....
I'll try the translation. It's from an old joke I believe....

Q. Why are all the Boulevards in Paris tree-lined on both sides?

A. Because Germans like marching in the shade.

Too bad that civilization of yours doesn't include razors, hot showers, and deoderent. Since you guys love Jerry Lewis so much, we'll give you Dane Cook. Take him. Please.
 

expecting Cuato to emerge at any moment
 

The fact that I forgot Melissa Theuriau is COMPLETELY unacceptable. To make up for that oversight, I have forced myself to spend hours looking at pictures of perhaps the most naturally beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I'm people who know people. For those who don't know her, try this:

Not bad

or if you're looking for something a little racier:

INCREDIBLY NSFW but worth it...

I apologize to all French folks for forgetting her, you do good work.
 

A fish carcass called - it wants the colour of its belly back. Minus the shitty tattoo.

Those girls are dumb. I would stomp on this guy's nuts while wearing stillettos if he ever got that close to me.

And here's another thought: holy poo! re: the anti-french stuff here...

Douche Quixote: i resent that remark - I am French Canadian and I don't know a single person from Quebec who likes that bitch Celine. Her fans all seem to be in the states as far as I can tell. Which is probably why she moved there. And thank God she's not in Quebec anymore.

@Le monsier Francais:
"les Etats Unis? le seul pays à être directement passé de la barbarie à la décadence"

does it mean:
"The united states? the only country to be directly descended from barbarian decadence."
?

amirite? do i win a croissant? cuz i love doze teengs.

Here's another thought: the second most universal language is French. This is because the French almost conquered the world under Napoleon's reign. Quite a feat for a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Seriously, I think it may be in some people's best interest to think about the steroetypes fed to us by our politicians and media, who have less humanity than a steaming pile of donkey dung.
 

@the bag queen
The united states? the only country to be directly descended from barbarian decadence."
?
The indians came directly from what?
 

@ bag queen

The Celine sentiment is the same here out west. But you forgot to mention that Douches tat would get him severly beaten here in the Great White North.

Me likes the girl in the shades. I wonder if she drinks Blue Eh?
 

Since when has it become cool to be a stupid looking asshole?
 

Pac is rolling over in his grave.........or is he?
 

Just FYI: The French PM met with the Brit PM to try and convince him that Hitler's re-armament and Czech invasion should be dealt with. It was Chamberlain who refused.