Is that HJBBAD's big brother?
 

Friday! Time for a brewdog, brah!
 

I dedicate this weekend to DB1, a true scholar and a man among scrote.

I'm going to a rave. Prepare to get greased.
 

You read my mind DB1. I'll hoist a Grolsch tonight in your honor.
 

Andre the Giants' bastard douche love child....?

little black dress and her mom need, to be cured of their scroteal exposure by simultaneously licking my love pump while i cover them in caramel dipping sauce.....

and oh yes, there will be boobies!
 

Elegant, beautifully written, and undeniably valid.

I top my U.R.C tonight, DB1.

Army of DOuche-ness
aka the doucheface killa.

p.s. I'm starting to believe you may be Alphonso Lingis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alphonso_Lingis
 

All I have to say is bravo DB1...
 

DB1, if we can expect comments like this in your book you I predict a nomination for a pulitzer.

I foresee honorary doctorates in doucheology, librarian hott groupies, and visits to the president.

You are a god among the masturbating masses.
 

Poetry DB1, sheer scroetry.
 

this is gonna sound kinda gay but I wish I was a little black dress.
 

DB1 - Damn, you're a good writer.
 

goddamn. that was like the "wave speech" in HST's Fear and Loathing, except about a whole different type of culture. where consciousness expansion is limited to roofies and miller lite.

bravo sir, kudos to you, and to all the usual suspects hanging around today, all have glorious weekends...
 

Welcome to the desert of the choad.
 

I might add Mao Zedong shirts and the Communist Red Star as another token of that pseudo-masculine bling that's now the fashion of so many.

Well put, DB1. A soild transition to the weekend. Hope yours is a good one.
 

wow dude...I think your on to something
Form follows function..we have crossed the rubicon of simulation
Here in NY CBGB's has been replaced with a John Varvatos store complete w/ glass enclosed walls from CB's
& $800 jeans and $200 Ramones t shirts
 

DB1, you're only scratching the surface with this kid. I assure you this pic pales in comparison to some of his other facebook gems. I was wondering how long it would take you to catch on to this crew of douches. Brakes are useless against the trail of hairgel they leave on the highway between The U and South Beach every night.

Viva La Revolucion
 

Great stuff DB1... I bet your half time speeches kick ass.
 

These girls don't look old enough to remember when this douche was on the series Angel.

Red cups! Red Cups!

BTW, you think little Gwen Stefani on the right could do better....
 

If this guy doesn't live in a bar he needs to put some of the booze in a cabinet. Only a douchebag displays his booze as if it's artwork.
 

why? oh why? ... did I waste my parents cha-ching on a college education? transactional analysis, existential phenomenlogy, i am ok .. ur ok ..... Tolstoy, Hegel and Sartre .. all pale before the genius who is DB1!!

Jager bombs all around ... in honor of the Master DB1!!
 

it's Friday .... your shelves groan with mind erasing libations
... you have ensnared two blonde hotts .. why so sad Broski?

oh ..... you read DB1's lesson ... and in your mind you hear dear departed grandma quoting her favorite scripture: "Vanity of vanities all is Vanity!"
 

Dude...that was amazing, DB1. Seriously! If you can just pound out writing like that, you're squandering your talent by amusing us with hott/douche commingling!

Well said, friend!
 

BTW DB1, that's 25.0 FPS for our friends across the pond.
 

DB1, your observations are spot-on as usual. after a week of douche mocking, it is great to have it all put into lazer sharp focus. it's even funnier when taken in context with the douches who write in with their "fuck you all" attitudes.

rare is the douche with a sense of humor and/or perspective.

i haven't been a regular here long enough to know, but i would hazard a guess and say that very few who appear on your site write you and mock along with everyone else.

from what i've seen, it's much more common to get the angry response. and i guess that's what makes them douches. all style, no substance.

you summed it all up with clarity and brevity.

i shall toast you and your genius.
your site is the cream of the crop, all others falter in your wake. the people who see this site and only see cruelty or mocking miss the larger picture.

we are all free to look the way we want, dress the way we want, act the way we want. if someone makes fun of you, so what? shrug it off, or even better, join in.

it's fun.

a great weekend to all bag hunters/huntresses.
 

All that is missing from this pic is the drool dripping from the lips of this worthless bag!
 

All that is missing from this pic is the drool dripping from the lips of this worthless bag!
 

Man DB1, there is a rant that Tyler Durden would be proud of.
 

Cheers to DB1.
To you, I raise my Night train.
Eloquently said.
 

DB1, maybe it's just been a long-ass week full of plenty of good times, no wait, what's the opposite of good times? Anyway though your words are true, it has left me with some questions to ponder.

What are we if not a media-driven culture? Even yourself is one to mock the John Mayers and Richard Greicos (hallowed by his name), those that have come before and fashioned the world we live in. We can look at the fall of man in such a way that the beginning and end seem to be isolated into one brief insignificant moment of time, a time when that which one wore trumped that which one represented.

The women you feature on this site are very often bereft of class, style, or grace (barring the legends of course - HBT, Purg, etc.). They have forsaken all that makes a woman wonderful, well almost all, to be photographed with gentlemen whom have no respect and no comprehension of reality. They float from club to club, the same pounding beats moving their hips, the same lights flashing in their eyes, never once thinking of what tomorrow may bring.

So as we walk amongst this world, questioning why a story about a 15 year old girl showing her bare back gets more play than a cyclone that killed up to 100,000 people, you have to ask yourself, are we feeding the beast? By acknowledging the douches, do we thus validate their existence? Are there not younger visitors to this site who see a HBT and think, if a douche like that can get a girl, maybe I'll go to the douche-side? Remember, heavy is the head that wears the crown.

In summary, fuck Fish Slap.
 

Amazing piece of writing, DB1.

You are a true scholar, sir.
 

The smile faded from my face after the second sentence... you speak authentically of the state of the slack-societal being that is our popular culture.

Well spoken, DB1.... I couldn't have said it better myself. Bravo.
 

the best thing DB1 has ever written and the best social commentary i've seen anywhere in a long long time. thank you DB1. your words shall be passed on like Homer.
 

DB1, you are pure transcendence.
 

"I'd like to thank my sisters for coming to my intervention"
 

Oh 4 fingered HOT on the right makes my bum whistle... And the hi-lighted sink directions may crack the code to the upkeep of the Red Cup Phenomenon....


KARDOUCHEIANS RULE...
 

All though both chicks are obviously quite bleethy, my gut tells me that the one on the left is more of an outright bitch, perpetually resentful of her far more dopatheticthingstogethertosmirkatyouderisively-able friend.
 

Yes, my friend, you have identified the theory that I, from the begining, undlerlies this site: for some reason women, well-equipped with great boobs, sexy faces and carb-free bodies gravitate to to Bags like Arabs to a Salmon Rushdie novel.

So what? I might wear a polo or two, but I dont use hairgel and leave charms dangling. I dont buy out the bar. My friends arent Greek. I dont own a shiny belt buckle from Urban Outfitters.

We, the Bag Hunters, Hotts, Drunkards and wierdos know life. Real life. Not a snapshot captured by a brand spankin new digital camera. 10 years from now we will know the true impact of the Bag, regardless of the collateral damage.
 

"Originality sold by the yard in the conceptual chain outlet of mass culture recoding."

Profound, DB1. Wonderful writing.

And reading the comments here and many comments in threads past has proven one thing.

WE GET IT. We see it for what it is.

And it's tragic, really.
 

Nice black tights under the jeans for Le Douche!
 

There is no meaning, so the spectacle becomes fragment. Strands of an originary cultural sameness.

Frantz Fanon knew how to get some meaning back... but noooo, machete-work is frowned upon nowadays.

And since when can't you buy or sell access to bodies?

Baudrillard's got you going soft, bra. You need some old-timey revolutionary academics in your intellectual bloodstream, stat. They'd know how to fix that situation.
 

What the fuck is this douche frowning about...oh wait maybe he just has down syndrome. How could anyone be dissappointed with that little blondie attached to the hip?!
 

I read this Friday, Took a flight back home lost in deep contemplation. I read it again today. Contemplating today as well. And my contemplating I mean drinking heavily. That's deep DB. Love it.
 

Hey DB1, its sickening how on the mark you are with this. What has happened to our beloved country? Has the internet, mass media, and commercialism ruined everything? Will we ever go back to normal? Or will we forever be forced to see the same spikey haired, gelled-up, greasy, grey goose drinking uberdouches walking around with the hottest of hotts??!!

There is no god, and if there is he must be playing some kind of sick game to fuck with normal people of the world.
 

i don't blame society. i blame shallowness and the absence of backbone culminating in a continuous crescendo of conscious decisions to allow masses of 'someone else' to make decisions. human nature gone douche.
 

that was beautiful
thank you.
 

Beautifully said DB1. The douchebag/hott combo is a microcosm of all that is wrong with the world. If you study very closely you will even be able to see the formula for Phi in there somewhere.
 

Yes, very literary indeed. And right on the money. As Dante's crusader grandfather said, you must speak the truth no matter how you may scandalize your contemporaries.
I'm off to my friend's wake today. You know, the one I told you got on heroin because of a douche boyfriend. Keep doing the lord's work, db1. There is no more important mission in our time.
 

my head hurts... but in a good way.
 

Good stuff.

Except I am not sure what else there is supposed to be underneath the identity constructed by consumer choices. There is no real self underneath for the douch and the non-douche alike. Let's not think that by being able to lay down this sort of smackdown we are more authentic or self-realized individuals. It is just a matter of education. Noone that has been a disconteted Socrates wants to go back to being a content pig and that is the position, I hope, of everyone that enjoys this site.
 

brilliant blogitorial db1...it got me thinking, truly the dogtag is the unifying symbol of douchebaggery. see all the bling the label whoring the high maintenace appearance modifications add up to one statement....i am making it in the world...from this maladroit statement it is inferred by bag and bleeth that anyone who does not conform is incapable mostly due to financial constraints...class warfare...

at christmas my sister-inlaws- cousin who works food service at a catholic university(read dreaded lunchlady and yes she kinda looks the part) was complaining about the sense of entitlement the college kids come through her line with and the belief that the rules of cafeteria allotment don't apply to them...she was speaking at length and threatening to go longer...so guick thinking i told her tell them that if their parents were anybody at all they would be going to notre dame...of course she laughed heartily and thankfully the subject was changed to one more pleasant...
thats the geurilla tactic i have taken up with douches, while they see me as being beneath them in my unblinged state, if i can point out the missing acoutrement or the upgrades in acoutrement they need i find they go into the corner for existential brooding...or whatever the scrote version of that is
 

I hate these knee-jerk reactions DB1, you need to think things through a little more...
 

Trying to analyze the thoughts of the Hott is as pointless as chasing the digital carrot. They stubbornly refuse to conform to a homogenized ideal. But it does seem like many of the contrarious goddesses just like the bling, and deliberately ignore the void beneath the douchetastic shell, doesn't it?

If you're looking for the Douchebag Nexus (the physical location, I mean), look no further than Scottsdale, AZ. I used to think it was Los Angeles, but Scottsdale seems to have a more douche-saturated population. The Hotts abound, too, of course.
 

I pondered a while before deciding, finally, to comment on this photo. Yeah, he's a douchebag and yeah, those girls look like the typical empty-headed bimbos who hang all over choads like this sweaty drunken mess. Nothing new here - my comments, of course, are a reaction to DB1's remarks. I won't say I'm surprised by the writing, I knew DB1 was capable of this type of stuff. He dances around it all the time. What surprises me is that he chose this forum for such poignant social commentary. I'm glad he said what he said - those things needed to be said. His statements echo many of the things I've been saying for years about our social structure and the decay of our morals and/or values. It pains me to see young girls so carelessly cast away their self-respect in search of the approval of their "friends" and those greased up apes who are only interested in the proverbial "one thing". Are they so starved for attention that they think nothing of their future or the lost chance of living a better life than their parents had? I'm guessing these girls aren't thinking of their future when the "Girls Gone Wild" cameras come by to capture those 3 drunken minutes that will crush their parents. They probably aren't thinking about sitting down with their daughter to have the "becoming a woman" talk when they're stumbling around some douchebag's apartment looking for their wadded up thong while they clutch the rest of their clothes in one hand and hold their hair out of their eyes with the other. Do you think they're dreaming of the "house with the picket fence" when they're in that guy's bathroom vomiting up a mix of vodka and bodily fluids that were both given to them buy someone they know only as "DJ Shizzle"? Not likely.

It's always depressing to remind ourselves that the world is going to crash into the sun. What's even more depressing is the thought that we'll have imploded on ourselves long before that happens. Self awareness can be a bitter pill. I take solace in the fact that when my personal lightbulb burns out, I'll know that I was who I chose to be rather than allowing TV commercials to determine my sense of self-worth. It may be true that ignorance is bliss - it would certainly explain the ridiculous smiles on the faces of most of these jerkoffs and their Barbi dolls. To comment on one specific topic of DB1's prose - "The Dog Tags". I'm certain that any military personnel are infuriated by this trend, but beyond that I know one person who is affected by it often. The widow of a young man who used to work for me before he gave his life defending The United States. Her husband's remains were only identified because he was wearing dog tags. I'm guessing his weren't quite as shiny as some of those featured here on the necks of the many douchebags, but his wife has never cleaned off the blood. What will they start wearing for the next fashion trend - pieces of shrapnel? Bullet wounds?

Thank God noone has ever died from tilting their hat at precicely 160 degrees. Next thing you know, guys would be dropping dead in clubs all over the place - then Kanye West would have to write a "song" about it and go on TV to tell the world that George Bush doesn't care about Douchebags. Where will it all end?

Douche Ventura: Scrote Detective
 

And this is why I am quite content being single.
1. Because I'm not a size 0.
and
2. People are stupid.
 

Simone de Beauvoir herself couldn't have said it better.
 

Kanye was only half right:

George Bush doesn't care about anybody.
 

A standing ovation for DB1's words of wisdom.....
 

DB1, thank you. Like everyone else on the thread kissing your ass for this post, I'm happy that between the big words and the mention of boobs that usually ends your philosophic posts you finally put something coherent and pretty damn good.

Keep up the good work, Jon Stewart better have you on his show when the book comes out.
 

This is the most beautiful text I've ever read. You make Douglas Coupland look like an amateur, brah!
 

That might have been your best stream of consciousness yet, DB1.
 

droppin' science like gallileo dropped the orange. thanks, db1.
 

"After breaking his femur, Brent blew his trust fund on the most expensive pair of crutches ever..."
 

I am usualy a reasonable person, but I need to kill this fart stain of a choad, in the most violent bloody way possible. I would start with a rusty war mace to the face. Then, and only then, when no remenance of his skull is left intact will I claim my prize of not one, but 2 blond dolls.
 

I would DO ANYTHING to hang with that trio, clean after the party, massage that hottie, even buy them drinks all night
 

HAHA I love reading the pathetic posts of people too insecure to put on a sexy dress and have a good time. P.S..... Just because they look good, doesn't mean they are dumb or sluts. You stereotypical bastards probably have less of an education than half of beautiful women on this sight. Your comments and stereotypes do not hurt these girls. We frown on your lack of confidence and laugh at your sad ways of trying to cover up what you are too scared to show off . Here is a helpful hinter, if you are to insecure to look as good as they do.. HANDLE IT. Don't just sit back and bitch on a stupid sight. Take the time it took to write these nasty comments and replace it with a bit of fun. God live a little and get off your ass.

ByE
 

I come back to read this essay from time to time, and each time I do I pick up a nuance that escaped me the time before.

This is a finely-structured and reasonable piece of writing, and I hope it's contained in the upcoming book; if not, perhaps it will appear in the next one.



And a parting shot to the anon at 10:52: Your semi-literate comment is devoid of any original thought and perfectly illustrates what DB1 has said all along. How ironic that you should close this thread out by showcasing the shallow and chosen ignorance that sweeps our culture, if not an entire generation, where superficial "showing off" has become an industry. Your words don't insult. They simply confirm what we've already learned.