Thursday, May 15, 2008
Reader Mail: Big Sarge
Big Sarge writes in all the way from his furlough in Iraq to weigh in on the use of army gear in the clubs:
----
DB1 --
As I sit here working towards tomorrow's PBR-induced hangover, I feel the need to once again reach out to you in an unsuccessful bid to stop the pounding in my skull.
I happened across today's offering... and I find it deeply disturbing that douchescrotes world wide are beginning to increase the amount of military paraphernalia they wear and bear. First, it was the camouflage. Then, the dogtags. Now, witness the retard in today's photo wearing a cocked hat bearing the stripes of a non-commissioned officer in service to his nation. Woof. If I hadn't already spent Sarge Jr.'s college fund on this flamethrower laptop, I'd have punched the screen in.
Perhaps, on Memorial Day or some other suitable occasion, you could feature a special photo layout of douchebags who add to their scrotiness by wearing military gear... just a thought from a faithful reader, AS WELL AS a prompt pre-orderer of your forthcoming douchebag tome.
Yours in service,
Big Sarge
-----
Well put, Big Sarge, and glad to hear they hook you guys up with PBRs over there.
What you're describing is another horrifying facet of the douchescrote's attempt to construct his masculinity through store-bought image construction rather than authenticity or grounding in "the real." Appropriating military icons devoid of context are simply another option on their palette of douchal selection.
It could just as easily be 80s punk insignias like mohawks and bomber jackets as it could be military dog-tags made by Armani, or stylized crypto-fascist jack boots -- to the doucheface, it's all just grist for the mill.
Simply recoding the charged icons of authenticity into media-age performative spectacle in the hopes of landing the boobie hott.
Get back here safe and sound Big Sarge, and I'll keep mocking the scrotewanks over here trying to use your insignias as a marketing strategy to cash in and score some tail while you're away. And when you get back, punch one in the nads. For me.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 9:39 AM 
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Congrats goes to DB1 for having HCwDB written up in the NYC Metro today in a column called "Blogarithms: A Look At The Best Of The Blogs."
The sub heading is Guys You Roll Your Eyes At and the picture accompanying the column is The Ab Lobster.
DB1, you made it into a free daily newspaper. You can now consider yourself Big Time.
Might you have posted this lame Ab Lobster pretender as an homage to your own greatness?
The sub heading is Guys You Roll Your Eyes At and the picture accompanying the column is The Ab Lobster.
DB1, you made it into a free daily newspaper. You can now consider yourself Big Time.
Might you have posted this lame Ab Lobster pretender as an homage to your own greatness?
# posted by 
: 9:48 AM
: 9:48 AM
What is with the sweatbands??
Some sort of handy load rag?
hmmm, actually that isn't such a bad idea.
Some sort of handy load rag?
hmmm, actually that isn't such a bad idea.
# posted by : 9:49 AM
: 9:49 AM
This guy is clearly juicin'. If only he'd hold her tighter so those lucious chi-chi's would pop.
# posted by : 9:49 AM
: 9:49 AM
It's bigger than us.
Behavior is rewarded.. Behavior will continue.
Until Hotts start digging reality, the cycle will continue.
That's sort of depressing...
Behavior is rewarded.. Behavior will continue.
Until Hotts start digging reality, the cycle will continue.
That's sort of depressing...
# posted by : 9:50 AM
: 9:50 AM
Its PFC Gomer Pile.
And by pile I mean an awe inspiring 11 inch tapered turd, bent in crowbar formation.
With corn.
And by pile I mean an awe inspiring 11 inch tapered turd, bent in crowbar formation.
With corn.
We need to do a better job of mocking the scrotes over here, so our troops don't have to mock them from Iraq.
# posted by : 10:03 AM
: 10:03 AM
Yeah who the fuck would want to sport military garb anyway... What's next dressing up in cop gear? Like a rodeo clown? A Maine lobsterman? a fireman?
He looks like he's in fourth grade and is participating in "My Daddy's Career Day".
Given the variety of clothing options camo should be at the very bottom of the list.
- D. Smurf
He looks like he's in fourth grade and is participating in "My Daddy's Career Day".
Given the variety of clothing options camo should be at the very bottom of the list.
- D. Smurf
# posted by : 10:05 AM
: 10:05 AM
okay, what the fuck is up with the leather "jesus" wristband?
what's the significance...
"bottoms for baptism?"
"choads for christ?"
"hellbent for heaven?"
that's gotta be a new one.
"leatherchrist" by D&G...
for the faithful douchebag.
oh, and boobies!
what's the significance...
"bottoms for baptism?"
"choads for christ?"
"hellbent for heaven?"
that's gotta be a new one.
"leatherchrist" by D&G...
for the faithful douchebag.
oh, and boobies!
Sweet... bacne, and a matching camo wife-beater/mandana combo. What more could a girl ask for?
# posted by : 10:17 AM
: 10:17 AM
Oh yes - a blank stare and meaningless hand-gesture. Check and check. This man is a perfect specimen. Of baggotry.
# posted by : 10:19 AM
: 10:19 AM
I tip my non-camo cap to Big Sarge and his brave comrades in the War on Terror. Hopefully we can provide them some comic relief by continuing our War on Scroter.
She is 1960s Star Trek slutty alien hott. And I like that.
I suspect that most military gear-sporting douches would wet their pants if every confronted by Big Sarge or his soldier brethren. And it should be filmed and posted on YouTube.
I suspect that most military gear-sporting douches would wet their pants if every confronted by Big Sarge or his soldier brethren. And it should be filmed and posted on YouTube.
It's douchbags like these that make me wish for the draft. However, I wouldn't want these douchebags watching the backs of our true men and women in uniform. So I will simply continue to mock their faux-manhood.
# posted by : 10:36 AM
: 10:36 AM
Hey look enough with the ass kissing. There is no 'War on Terror.' It's just another conflict in a long, long list... keeps the military industrial complex well fed and fat. The guys over there serving are not to blame... but the fat, bastards getting rich off the war are. Go sniff around Washington and what you'll see real quickly is that the rich, privileged and well connected don't let their kiddies go overseas to take a bullet. Typically poorer kids and minorities who 'serve' and the carrot that they dangle on the end of the stick is a college education and or vocation. It's all a big scam.
# posted by : 10:39 AM
: 10:39 AM
I second that filming motion mr. white.
This is what would have happened if K.Fed had juiced, and Brittney didn't go mental. Someone was sticking his finger where it shouldn't have been judging by that nice sore. Where the hell are they? Everyone else seems to be dressed relatively normal compared to these two. Oh shit, doth mine eyes deceive me?!?! IS THAT A WEDDING RING ON HIS HAND?!?! Oh man, that increases the chance that they're breeding. Oh wait, roid heads don't have the balls required for procreation, never mind...
This is what would have happened if K.Fed had juiced, and Brittney didn't go mental. Someone was sticking his finger where it shouldn't have been judging by that nice sore. Where the hell are they? Everyone else seems to be dressed relatively normal compared to these two. Oh shit, doth mine eyes deceive me?!?! IS THAT A WEDDING RING ON HIS HAND?!?! Oh man, that increases the chance that they're breeding. Oh wait, roid heads don't have the balls required for procreation, never mind...
Dudes that accessorize lika chick should jump on a grenade, I love his rag on his head looks an imitation of oprah in the the color purple.
Turdacious
Turdacious
# posted by : 11:01 AM
: 11:01 AM
My god, that Hott has one of the absolute best Juggs, Abs and Hip combo I have EVER seen!!!! I dont even give a toss about mocking Captain Nonsensible, I just cant take my eyes off of her!
# posted by : 11:03 AM
: 11:03 AM
'The Damned' one of my favs... I get it if nobody else does dietre.
- Douchey Smurf
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by : 11:17 AM
: 11:17 AM
A good rule of thumb is that if you have horrendous shoulder acne that you probably ought to wear a shirt with sleeves. Come to think of it, a good rule of thumb would be to always wear a shirt with sleeves. And while we're at it, a good rule of thumb would be to never wear ridiculous looking sweatbands, leather bracelets with crosses on them, a necklace or a mandana, especially while flashing a stupid hand gesture in the presence of female hotness. Good god, what a disaster.
boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy boobies tummy
I'm not sure what else would need to be said. 'Cept maybe "Ten . . . Hut!"
I'm not sure what else would need to be said. 'Cept maybe "Ten . . . Hut!"
# posted by : 11:37 AM
: 11:37 AM
Im glad to here that sarge is holding it down for us hunters overseas. Im also pleasantly suprised to here that an enlisted member of the military is against the 'Bags.
On many an occasion I have seen Military Bags Oozing Scrote all over hotts while sporting ridiculous attire bought at the P/X, an trying to fight everyone in the bar. Go out in downtown San Diego and you will see what I mean.
So thank you Sarge, you make your country and scrote hating humans everywhere very proud!
On many an occasion I have seen Military Bags Oozing Scrote all over hotts while sporting ridiculous attire bought at the P/X, an trying to fight everyone in the bar. Go out in downtown San Diego and you will see what I mean.
So thank you Sarge, you make your country and scrote hating humans everywhere very proud!
# posted by : 11:50 AM
: 11:50 AM
Anon 10:39
You may not realize that the military we have is all volunteer. Our people know the options when they join. You may be surprised but some people actually like and enjoy the freedoms of this country. Your freedom is you dont have to join and trust me I dont want you in my military. You sound like a no balls individual who doesnt have the sack to stand "The Watch". Take your bullshit to some Code Pink rally with your poodle and dont forget to put on your skirt you liberal, whiney bitch.
You may not realize that the military we have is all volunteer. Our people know the options when they join. You may be surprised but some people actually like and enjoy the freedoms of this country. Your freedom is you dont have to join and trust me I dont want you in my military. You sound like a no balls individual who doesnt have the sack to stand "The Watch". Take your bullshit to some Code Pink rally with your poodle and dont forget to put on your skirt you liberal, whiney bitch.
# posted by : 11:57 AM
: 11:57 AM
Where was I...
This guy is a douche. Anyone who wears the issued gear has never been there or been in it. We test for juice anyway.
This guy is a douche. Anyone who wears the issued gear has never been there or been in it. We test for juice anyway.
# posted by : 11:59 AM
: 11:59 AM
General Juicebag deserves a 21 gun salute for this display of 4 star baggery.
On a happier note, it's nice to see that Hott's top is losing the Battle of the Bulge.
-PoppaPills
On a happier note, it's nice to see that Hott's top is losing the Battle of the Bulge.
-PoppaPills
# posted by : 12:09 PM
: 12:09 PM
DB1, furlough means vacation. Big Sarge is home from Iraq for a while. Alcohol isn't a particularly acceptable beverage over there.
# posted by : 12:20 PM
: 12:20 PM
Moby Douche... nah... you don't get it. I wasn't getting down on the military. I was getting down on the system. A system which throws kids into a meat grinder for profit. Period. "Your military"?Considering I help pay for the shit don't cut me out. All volunteer as it should be. Whiney bitch, liberal, etc. your immaturity is peeking out. But fair enough... I said my piece and you said yours.
Back to the bagging.
Back to the bagging.
# posted by : 12:22 PM
: 12:22 PM
Anon 12:22
You had 2 I get 2.
My military... is right. Send a copy of your DD214 and I'll cut you in. You are already cut out. You are a whiney bitch, who I'm sure does not have the sack defend this country but only hisself from a distance.
I've never been labeled immiture...but then again I've been called worse things by better more honorable people.
You had 2 I get 2.
My military... is right. Send a copy of your DD214 and I'll cut you in. You are already cut out. You are a whiney bitch, who I'm sure does not have the sack defend this country but only hisself from a distance.
I've never been labeled immiture...but then again I've been called worse things by better more honorable people.
# posted by : 12:44 PM
: 12:44 PM
To Douchey Smurf:
Damn straight about the Damned!!!!
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Damn straight about the Damned!!!!
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
Boobies, Abs, + Hips
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
I would throw myself under the wheels of his half-track for a chance to have a piece of mud that she once stepped on imbedded in my skull.
# posted by : 12:52 PM
: 12:52 PM
M.B. Whatev. By the way 'your military' is funded by 'our' taxes. Don't forget 'we' work to fund 'your' payday. 'We' also bust our ass to pay for a lot of other things abroad that 'we' shouldn't. I think 'we' would all like to see the billions that are being pissed away turned back stateside to fund annoying little things like 'our' crumbling infrastructure, crappy, underfunded school systems, piss poor Military facilities/hospitals and the list goes on and on. The people that founded this country would be amazed at what we've become. True patriots do not blindly follow or buy into dogma.
# posted by : 1:21 PM
: 1:21 PM
My FAVORITE part about this, "Soon to be induced into the Hall of Scrote" waste of sperm, is that he is jakked. I am sure it is from lifting or the enormous amount of BACKne surfacing his upper half. This is my favorite douche-ism, Roiding up to look jakked, but getting acne all over your body at age 25. what a fucking waste of air... why dont you actually join the military and throw yourself in front of a tank... on the good side!!
# posted by : 1:26 PM
: 1:26 PM
Dieter... Notice how Burton paid homage (I hope) to Vanian via Depp's style in "Sweeney Todd" anyway all that chat is probably best saved for other sites... kind of like some other back and forth on this particular post.
- D. Smurf
- D. Smurf
# posted by : 1:27 PM
: 1:27 PM
Anon and Moby, Can we lay aside our ideological differences and get back to the core of what makes this country great??? That being mudslinging at Douches and drooling over Hott's
# posted by : 1:38 PM
: 1:38 PM
I'm all for it. Politics and religion and all that. Everybody's got an ass and an opinion. Excuse me for getting off track.
# posted by : 1:56 PM
: 1:56 PM
"Anyone who wears the issued gear has never been there or been in it."
Um, I don't remember being issued a camo-pattern wifebeater when I was in the Army. This juicetard is more A/X than PX. Miss Code Hot Pink, on the other hand, has me at full attention.
Rock on, Big Sarge. Airborne!
Nice one Dieter - this big choad has Roid Scabies.
Um, I don't remember being issued a camo-pattern wifebeater when I was in the Army. This juicetard is more A/X than PX. Miss Code Hot Pink, on the other hand, has me at full attention.
Rock on, Big Sarge. Airborne!
Nice one Dieter - this big choad has Roid Scabies.
# posted by : 1:58 PM
: 1:58 PM
What a pair! And Sgt. Scroter is an oozing bacne sore in high heels.
I would gladly be the meat in a Maverick, Iceman sandwich. Then search through Gomer's pyle, barehanded, just in the hopes of finding one of her discarded tampons, so I may use the string for dental floss.
jailbaiter
I would gladly be the meat in a Maverick, Iceman sandwich. Then search through Gomer's pyle, barehanded, just in the hopes of finding one of her discarded tampons, so I may use the string for dental floss.
jailbaiter
# posted by : 2:13 PM
: 2:13 PM
is this NY Metro Article available on line? if so can you put the hyperlink? I'm on the site and its search option sucks...
Doucheface Killa
Doucheface Killa
# posted by : 2:40 PM
: 2:40 PM
Douche Smurf- Sorry, havent seen Sweeney Todd, I am severely allergic to musicals haha (but I hear its good).
Btw, is it Smurf or Smurfette?
Btw, is it Smurf or Smurfette?
# posted by : 3:11 PM
: 3:11 PM
Well put DB1. I have spent too many years lost in a wilderness of Hot Topic and A/X Military Collection, thinking there was something wron with me for not participating in the douchy spectacle.
Then you came and testified. Preach on, brother DB1.
And military/anti-military debaters. Let's just remember the real line in the sand that unites us: Douches off the planet.
Then you came and testified. Preach on, brother DB1.
And military/anti-military debaters. Let's just remember the real line in the sand that unites us: Douches off the planet.
Wow...putting all douche comments aside here...that Hott is GORGEOUS! Where can we see more of her?
Seeing girls like that make me want to trade in my desk job and jeans for a popped collar, trucker hat, and a can of axe…then I slapped myself back to reality.
Big Sarge…you sound like a true American Patriot. Fighting Charlie abroad and Douches at Home. You sir, are my hero.
As for the douche in the picture with the backne, arm band, and overall douchelike features I say we call him ‘Commandouche’. With the camo, trucker hat, arm band, and douchey hand gesture he waits in the club like a lone commando ready to pounce on nubile and/or drunk young hotts. Run young hott, RUN!
Seeing girls like that make me want to trade in my desk job and jeans for a popped collar, trucker hat, and a can of axe…then I slapped myself back to reality.
Big Sarge…you sound like a true American Patriot. Fighting Charlie abroad and Douches at Home. You sir, are my hero.
As for the douche in the picture with the backne, arm band, and overall douchelike features I say we call him ‘Commandouche’. With the camo, trucker hat, arm band, and douchey hand gesture he waits in the club like a lone commando ready to pounce on nubile and/or drunk young hotts. Run young hott, RUN!
Boobies boobies boobies!!!!!!
I'll bet if roid-a-rooter's number ever came up in a draft, he'd have Daddy making calls to his Congressman to get him Stateside duty.
What a fuckwit.
Oh, and boobies boobies boobies!!!!!!
I'll bet if roid-a-rooter's number ever came up in a draft, he'd have Daddy making calls to his Congressman to get him Stateside duty.
What a fuckwit.
Oh, and boobies boobies boobies!!!!!!
Big Sarge: Thank you. Be safe. And keep mocking the scrote. We look forward to hearing from you now and when your tour's over.
Pvt. Assclown: Fuck you. Release the Hott. Go take a dumpster nap. We look forward to hearing news about your inevitable beat down by a real soldier who takes no shit from poseurs like yourself.
Pvt. Assclown: Fuck you. Release the Hott. Go take a dumpster nap. We look forward to hearing news about your inevitable beat down by a real soldier who takes no shit from poseurs like yourself.
Just like to chime in with my brethren here and give a "big ups" to Big Sarge. As they say, "don't hate the player, hate the game". I've always found the douches who wear military gear to be the worst kinds of douches, as they're standing for something that they want no part of. So to all the military homies out there, stay safe, and thanks for holding it down, because if our freedom depended on me, we'd be fucked.
Also, to her, wow... I bet when she loses the 20 pounds of makeup, she's quite the hottie...
Also, to her, wow... I bet when she loses the 20 pounds of makeup, she's quite the hottie...
To clarify, I've been home a hot minute or so... long enough to fall off into the Iraq-enforced wagon into a large vat of PBR... but thanks for all your well wishes. I am proficient at engaging targets at 300 meters and greater, but there's something about a douchebag that begs for the close kill. Hooah.
# posted by : 8:11 PM
: 8:11 PM
The Link for the HCwDB mention in Metro
http://www.readmetro.com/show/en/NewYork/20080515/2/14/
It's on the right if you actually miss the Ab Lobster. I don't think you will though.
http://www.readmetro.com/show/en/NewYork/20080515/2/14/
It's on the right if you actually miss the Ab Lobster. I don't think you will though.
# posted by : 9:17 PM
: 9:17 PM
This jackhole is begging for a sniper round. I'm going to assume that the hott is his wife. Which means she's hopeless. What a waste.
# posted by : 10:47 PM
: 10:47 PM
The Hott:Douchebag ratio is very high with this one. She has a totally smokin bod, and he is a level 5 douche. he radiates retardation. The dull blank look in his eyes, the pointless camo, the cloth wrist thingies, the massive roid acne, the soul patch, the pointless gang sign, the dog tags, the mandana - DAMN! It's like he's been taking fashion tips from every douche on this site. And she is a hott, but I detect a level of bleethness - I just get the impression from her face that she's giggling... "hihihihihi!". She has the bellybutton jewelry, fine boobage that looks a little big for her rib cage (women with Real boobage tend to build muscles and support in their sides and back. Also, after years of carrying the weight, they tend to have a bit of a curve to the back - this chick is ramrod striaght, so methinks the boobage is fake) and it all adds up to a dimwitted bleeth.
This shitbag and his cuntling princess get my vote. The douche is strong here.
This shitbag and his cuntling princess get my vote. The douche is strong here.
# posted by : 1:01 PM
: 1:01 PM
Man I wish I could see someone wearing authentic military gear in a club- it would give me a chance to hem up ol' Joe Douchebag. Clearly, there's nothing better than squashing a douche's already fragile ego. Still, I think they go well together. There's nothing better than the desperate reaching-out of douche and doe for the attention they SO deserve.
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# posted by : 2:30 PM
: 2:30 PM << Home
