Monday, June 30, 2008
HCwDB of the Week
There was much to choose from over the past two weeks while culling down the finalists. But this was also a breakthrough week for multimedia HCwDB.
There was both the brilliant I'm a Big Douche at the Scottsdale Bars YouTube, as well as the audio grease that is the Legendary Pickup Artist Scrotebag, Dimitri.
Methinks both are in line for 2008 Douchie Awards at the Douchies in December. It's Monday morning, and while the DB1 nurses a nasty hangover, here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Gunter and Klaus
These two European chest shavers suggest all that is wrong in Bratwurst, while Sister Christian suggests all that is future Soccer Mom Hott in Scottsdale.
But for G&K, something in their smug expression just reeks of prune.
And the daring attempt by Gunter to affect the Patented Peaches Point deserves an additional serving of powdered scorn.
At fist I was worried that the Hott was a bit too nice girl to inspire lustful thoughts, but the more I stare, the more I'd gnaw some beef chaw just for the chance to spittoon some gak in the Old West near her great grandmother's former cattle ranch.
Or something like that.
Hey, it's Monday morning. My brain's still a bit foggy.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Droopy McScrote
A classic in hott/douche wrongness.
Yes, I could elaborate further on those who sagg and cling to hip-hop wigga glory.
But do I need to?
You got the Droop.
You got the bling, tatts and hand gestures, complete with nerd-glasses and Houston Astros (?) hat tilt.
Then you've got Surfer Kelly, with the rock-hard abs and the strangest swatch of bikini bottom this side of Logan Five's Sanctuary.
But what pushes this pic into greatness is that tiny swatch of red underwear above the cargo pants.
Stay classy, Droopy.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Preppiebags
Something about being transported back to a 1980s teen comedy, in which Teddy Beckerstead is teaming up with Ken from Bachelor Party was enough to set off our collective psyche douche-alarms.
Then there's two lucious little cutes, and the wrongness is complete.
Irono-scrotery?
This issue comes up a lot.
But as many in the comments thread observed, even the ironic "Bar Golf" gag still requires the purchasing of aqua sweaters and tight pink pants that suggest the Alpha-Betas are planning another attack on the Tri-Lambda house.
But are the Golfbag Twins and their sweet suburban bar hotts enough to take the Weekly?
That, my friends, fellow 'bag hunters and choice hotts, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
There was both the brilliant I'm a Big Douche at the Scottsdale Bars YouTube, as well as the audio grease that is the Legendary Pickup Artist Scrotebag, Dimitri.
Methinks both are in line for 2008 Douchie Awards at the Douchies in December. It's Monday morning, and while the DB1 nurses a nasty hangover, here's your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Gunter and Klaus
These two European chest shavers suggest all that is wrong in Bratwurst, while Sister Christian suggests all that is future Soccer Mom Hott in Scottsdale.
But for G&K, something in their smug expression just reeks of prune.
And the daring attempt by Gunter to affect the Patented Peaches Point deserves an additional serving of powdered scorn.
At fist I was worried that the Hott was a bit too nice girl to inspire lustful thoughts, but the more I stare, the more I'd gnaw some beef chaw just for the chance to spittoon some gak in the Old West near her great grandmother's former cattle ranch.
Or something like that.
Hey, it's Monday morning. My brain's still a bit foggy.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Droopy McScrote
A classic in hott/douche wrongness.
Yes, I could elaborate further on those who sagg and cling to hip-hop wigga glory.
But do I need to?
You got the Droop.
You got the bling, tatts and hand gestures, complete with nerd-glasses and Houston Astros (?) hat tilt.
Then you've got Surfer Kelly, with the rock-hard abs and the strangest swatch of bikini bottom this side of Logan Five's Sanctuary.
But what pushes this pic into greatness is that tiny swatch of red underwear above the cargo pants.
Stay classy, Droopy.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Preppiebags
Something about being transported back to a 1980s teen comedy, in which Teddy Beckerstead is teaming up with Ken from Bachelor Party was enough to set off our collective psyche douche-alarms.
Then there's two lucious little cutes, and the wrongness is complete.
Irono-scrotery?
This issue comes up a lot.
But as many in the comments thread observed, even the ironic "Bar Golf" gag still requires the purchasing of aqua sweaters and tight pink pants that suggest the Alpha-Betas are planning another attack on the Tri-Lambda house.
But are the Golfbag Twins and their sweet suburban bar hotts enough to take the Weekly?
That, my friends, fellow 'bag hunters and choice hotts, is up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 7:06 AM 
Comments:
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I'm giving my vote to Droopy McScrote for two reasons: His rock-hard hott, and DB1's Logan's Run reference.
Carousel is a lie!
Also, fuck fish slap and DJs.
Carousel is a lie!
Also, fuck fish slap and DJs.
Droopy FTW.
I particularly like his douche gesture whilst holding the cell. Not an easy maneuver.
Boobs.
I particularly like his douche gesture whilst holding the cell. Not an easy maneuver.
Boobs.
# posted by 
: 7:14 AM
: 7:14 AM
You knowwwww what? It's Droopy FTW.
Yes, that's a Houston Asstros hat he's sportin' there, and Surfer Kelly's shorts are something to behold.....as well as her bikini top.....and did someone mention those abs?
But Droopy's scoring points that Truman didn't while up against the Metaphysical Hooligan - Droopy's competition isn't quite that stiff. Gunter and Klaus and the Preppiebags are doing their scrotework in tandem, while Droopy's on his own. He has to get extra consideration for that.
And I still think he's the fat guy from 3rd Bass. Pop Goes The Weasel 'cuz the Weasel goes Weekly!
Yes, that's a Houston Asstros hat he's sportin' there, and Surfer Kelly's shorts are something to behold.....as well as her bikini top.....and did someone mention those abs?
But Droopy's scoring points that Truman didn't while up against the Metaphysical Hooligan - Droopy's competition isn't quite that stiff. Gunter and Klaus and the Preppiebags are doing their scrotework in tandem, while Droopy's on his own. He has to get extra consideration for that.
And I still think he's the fat guy from 3rd Bass. Pop Goes The Weasel 'cuz the Weasel goes Weekly!
The giant sucking noise you just heard was the collective drying of 200 million vaginas in the US when they caught a glimpse of Droopy McScrote.
I go with their vote.
I go with their vote.
DROOPY FTW. he's not a douche because that's just how he is, he's a douche because he's trying to be a douche and that is the worst douche of all. the douche poser that tries too hard. plus he makes me physically ill to my stomach because he is posing with perfection. she is the hottest set of boobies on this site since Veronica
# posted by : 7:20 AM
: 7:20 AM
Droopy McScrote ftw, for keepin' it real, AARP style. You just know he spent hours matching up his jewelry for maximum 'bling' effect, and that his undies say 'love machine' across the back.
But mostly its Surfer Kelly, ffs what a HOTT!! I've already written a 400-page cookbook, all of which involve her panties.
Also, I suspect the preppiebag shot is from a themed party, and as for Gunter and Klaus, who in Europe isn't a douchebag?
But mostly its Surfer Kelly, ffs what a HOTT!! I've already written a 400-page cookbook, all of which involve her panties.
Also, I suspect the preppiebag shot is from a themed party, and as for Gunter and Klaus, who in Europe isn't a douchebag?
# posted by : 7:21 AM
: 7:21 AM
ok the cocbleaux twins known as gunter and klaus posed with a couch that made elton john homophobic and conversely a blonde who looks like miss wisconsin 5 years later are bad but not bad enough
preppiebags remind me of the types of guys who end up in near suburb traffic enforcement for profit and job security, the blond is cute and approachable the brunette is a 6 who wants to be treated as a 9...looks wise i must add, not good enough
trashy hot blonde and lewis black gone horribly awry ftw, there is too much wrongness to catalog. droopy mcscrote is all things we hate including the faux nerd glasses styled up for irono-cool...here they miss there mark because theirono is on the cool not the nerd
preppiebags remind me of the types of guys who end up in near suburb traffic enforcement for profit and job security, the blond is cute and approachable the brunette is a 6 who wants to be treated as a 9...looks wise i must add, not good enough
trashy hot blonde and lewis black gone horribly awry ftw, there is too much wrongness to catalog. droopy mcscrote is all things we hate including the faux nerd glasses styled up for irono-cool...here they miss there mark because theirono is on the cool not the nerd
# posted by : 7:22 AM
: 7:22 AM
Droopy FTW.
Flabalanche, stretch marks, pasty skin, bad tatts... he is the epitome of doucheness.
Definitely Droopy.
Flabalanche, stretch marks, pasty skin, bad tatts... he is the epitome of doucheness.
Definitely Droopy.
# posted by : 7:31 AM
: 7:31 AM
@heino:
You forgot his red bulbous nose from the chronic alcoholism. W.C. Fields has nothing on that schnozz.
Count me in for Droopy also.
You forgot his red bulbous nose from the chronic alcoholism. W.C. Fields has nothing on that schnozz.
Count me in for Droopy also.
# posted by : 7:33 AM
: 7:33 AM
I am gonna have to vote for Gunter and Klaus. Sure Droopy is a douche worthy of mock, but you also kinda feel sad for him...like a clown. Look at Gunter, with the double barrel peaches point. popped collar and aviators. Then there is klaus, standing in a fierce, stoic pose much like the Berlin Wall. He also looks like he could be the younger brother to The Gator. These guys truly induce rage.
That, and I would love to do some drilling off sister christians continental shelf.
That, and I would love to do some drilling off sister christians continental shelf.
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
i have a deal for you db1, if i vote for droopy, do you promise to never, ever, ever show his picture again?
droop dogg for the win, and by 'for the win', i mean 'for the love of god and everything holy please get him the fuck out of my field of vision it's too early to deal with such eye hemmoraging horrors'.
droop dogg for the win, and by 'for the win', i mean 'for the love of god and everything holy please get him the fuck out of my field of vision it's too early to deal with such eye hemmoraging horrors'.
I have to go with Droopy. He looks like he just realized that playing Dungeons and Dragons won't get him laid so he's being something he's not, thus making him a huge douche.
Droopy FTW.
Droopy FTW.
# posted by : 7:48 AM
: 7:48 AM
(Grumpy Llama raises his hand.)
Oooh, oooh. I know this one!
Gunter and Klaus are certainly douche-tastic, but only make me want to get another drink. Droopy is wretched, but illicits mostly laughter. But the Preppiebags. Oh sweet Jesus, the Preppiebags. They make me want to eat their intestines, then vomit them up like a supermodel the day before the Swimsuit Issue photoshoot, but then I remember this picture, and I eat them again, except this time with a nice Remoulade Sauce and some grilled asparagus. That, and I'd really, really like to do unspeakable things to the blonde while her friend baked an Apple Brown Betty for us to enjoy during the interlude. Then, the three of us will snuggle on the futon and watch a Knight Rider Marathon on basic cable.
Wait, what were we talking about?
Oooh, oooh. I know this one!
Gunter and Klaus are certainly douche-tastic, but only make me want to get another drink. Droopy is wretched, but illicits mostly laughter. But the Preppiebags. Oh sweet Jesus, the Preppiebags. They make me want to eat their intestines, then vomit them up like a supermodel the day before the Swimsuit Issue photoshoot, but then I remember this picture, and I eat them again, except this time with a nice Remoulade Sauce and some grilled asparagus. That, and I'd really, really like to do unspeakable things to the blonde while her friend baked an Apple Brown Betty for us to enjoy during the interlude. Then, the three of us will snuggle on the futon and watch a Knight Rider Marathon on basic cable.
Wait, what were we talking about?
In order:
#3. Gunter and Klaus.
Yes, they are classic euro-douche. They model their lifestyle after Night at the Roxbury. But they go home together every night and play Hide de Keilbasa un de Poopen Chute with each other and everyone at the club, including the blonde here, knows it.
#2. Preppie 'Bags, aka Lyle and Erik.
Ironic? Practical joke? Who cares. They are still giant jerk-off, grade A douchebags who need to have their gelled heads repeatedly run over by daddy's beamer until either they convert to a socalist ideology or their frontal cortex oozes out of their nasal passages. But they can't win the weekly, soley for the fact that they WANT to win. They NEED to win. Their entire existence is based on (unbalanced)competition and winning. Therefore, the only way to invalidate their shallow exsistance is to tell them:
Nope. Not this time. You're just like everyone else. No trophy for you, asswipe. I don't give a fuck who think you are, what frat you pleged, or you're daddy is. Back of the line, Pinky and the Scrote. And take your party-promoter bleeth skanks with you. We'll call you when your one-way ticket to hell is ready.
#1. Droopy.
Just look at him. Soak it in. He is as magnificent a specimen of hot douche-mess as you will every witness. The longer you stare at his scroteal glory, the more you comprehend his complete douchial magnificence. He needs to be captured, isolated and studied for scientific research. Surfer Kelly needs to have her holographic panties spanked off her taught, tan, buttocks with a rubber spatula.
In summation your honor:
Droopy FTW
and the jury gives special recognition to Don't Wheeze for the 3rd Bass refrence. Pop Goes the Weasel indeed...
#3. Gunter and Klaus.
Yes, they are classic euro-douche. They model their lifestyle after Night at the Roxbury. But they go home together every night and play Hide de Keilbasa un de Poopen Chute with each other and everyone at the club, including the blonde here, knows it.
#2. Preppie 'Bags, aka Lyle and Erik.
Ironic? Practical joke? Who cares. They are still giant jerk-off, grade A douchebags who need to have their gelled heads repeatedly run over by daddy's beamer until either they convert to a socalist ideology or their frontal cortex oozes out of their nasal passages. But they can't win the weekly, soley for the fact that they WANT to win. They NEED to win. Their entire existence is based on (unbalanced)competition and winning. Therefore, the only way to invalidate their shallow exsistance is to tell them:
Nope. Not this time. You're just like everyone else. No trophy for you, asswipe. I don't give a fuck who think you are, what frat you pleged, or you're daddy is. Back of the line, Pinky and the Scrote. And take your party-promoter bleeth skanks with you. We'll call you when your one-way ticket to hell is ready.
#1. Droopy.
Just look at him. Soak it in. He is as magnificent a specimen of hot douche-mess as you will every witness. The longer you stare at his scroteal glory, the more you comprehend his complete douchial magnificence. He needs to be captured, isolated and studied for scientific research. Surfer Kelly needs to have her holographic panties spanked off her taught, tan, buttocks with a rubber spatula.
In summation your honor:
Droopy FTW
and the jury gives special recognition to Don't Wheeze for the 3rd Bass refrence. Pop Goes the Weasel indeed...
Droopy--for hangin' on to the douche as he gets, shall we say, a little long in the tooth.
Also, hottest hott fully visible--although to Preppies' hott's credit we can't really see her that well. (Nice job with the lighting, Annie Lameowitz!)
Also, hottest hott fully visible--although to Preppies' hott's credit we can't really see her that well. (Nice job with the lighting, Annie Lameowitz!)
It looks like a run-away victory for the Droopy one!
And by droopy one, I mean heaping pile of HCwDBotW scrote!
And by droopy one, I mean heaping pile of HCwDBotW scrote!
# posted by : 7:57 AM
: 7:57 AM
Gunter and Klaus FTW. I can't in good conscience vote for the irono-scrotery that is the Preppiebags and I am getting more of a loser-who-smells-like-poo vibe from Droopy McScrote than I am an honest-to-goodness-douchebag vibe. So it's Gunter and Klaus by default. While they offer nothing we haven't seen before and likely don't stand much of a chance in the Monthly, they are indeed very douchey and are deserving of a healthy serving of fist in their faces for that reason alone.
Droopy.
Where to start- first- the hott. Screaming hott. Stunning. Gorgeous. Maybe the shorts could be a little lower.
The Droopinator- It's the staggering effort to craft this masterpiece that brings home the win.
Think of the multiple visits to cut-rate tat-parlors, ear piercing carts at the local mall, Target for the plasti-bling and red-under-roos.
And the bacon cheeseburger...*oh* so many bacon cheeseburgers...
All that to perfect *his* vision- and he's just so darn proud o' hisseff.
To quote a great- Is "patheti-sad" a word?
Where to start- first- the hott. Screaming hott. Stunning. Gorgeous. Maybe the shorts could be a little lower.
The Droopinator- It's the staggering effort to craft this masterpiece that brings home the win.
Think of the multiple visits to cut-rate tat-parlors, ear piercing carts at the local mall, Target for the plasti-bling and red-under-roos.
And the bacon cheeseburger...*oh* so many bacon cheeseburgers...
All that to perfect *his* vision- and he's just so darn proud o' hisseff.
To quote a great- Is "patheti-sad" a word?
# posted by : 8:03 AM
: 8:03 AM
Droopy McScrote FTW.
Just the fact this as bad as it gets as far opposite ends of the scale in Hott Hottness and Douche Doucheness.
Usually the saving grace of any Douche from being shot on sight is the fact that they are at least somewhat in shape. This clown's gut is enough to demand immediate execution.
As far as the Hott, you can bounce a quarter 10 feet off those abs. She is a runner for Hott of the year.
Just the fact this as bad as it gets as far opposite ends of the scale in Hott Hottness and Douche Doucheness.
Usually the saving grace of any Douche from being shot on sight is the fact that they are at least somewhat in shape. This clown's gut is enough to demand immediate execution.
As far as the Hott, you can bounce a quarter 10 feet off those abs. She is a runner for Hott of the year.
# posted by : 8:09 AM
: 8:09 AM
G&K all the way, we got preppy shitheads and the lucky toad against G&K, no contest, 1 scrote tries a super hero pose and the other tries a peaches pose.
gotta go with G&K.
Turdacious
gotta go with G&K.
Turdacious
# posted by : 8:10 AM
: 8:10 AM
First off, big props for the hottest set of Hotts in a Weekly (top to bottom) in a long time.
Second, while G&K and the Preppiebags are all kinds of poo-smelling and their hotts are delectable (did I mention my weakness for blondes?), my vote has to go to Droopy.
See, G&K and the Preps can be faking their scrotery. Unlikely, but possible. It might be some elaborate gag, a trick to mack on the hotts or even just to mock douchery in general. But Droopy? No way to fake the grotesque collection of ink, the almost inconceivable stretchmarks, the too-big-to-be-a-muffin-top fleshy protuberance at his waist, and his red underwear with camo pants that fairly scream "I am a choad!" Did I mention the double chin, the dime-store bling, and the weird claw gesture?
Plus Surfer Kelly is delicious, and her expression seems to recognize that she is posing either as a joke or a favor. Either way, she is scintillating, by which I mean "boobies."
Droopy FTW.
Second, while G&K and the Preppiebags are all kinds of poo-smelling and their hotts are delectable (did I mention my weakness for blondes?), my vote has to go to Droopy.
See, G&K and the Preps can be faking their scrotery. Unlikely, but possible. It might be some elaborate gag, a trick to mack on the hotts or even just to mock douchery in general. But Droopy? No way to fake the grotesque collection of ink, the almost inconceivable stretchmarks, the too-big-to-be-a-muffin-top fleshy protuberance at his waist, and his red underwear with camo pants that fairly scream "I am a choad!" Did I mention the double chin, the dime-store bling, and the weird claw gesture?
Plus Surfer Kelly is delicious, and her expression seems to recognize that she is posing either as a joke or a favor. Either way, she is scintillating, by which I mean "boobies."
Droopy FTW.
Droopy FTW. There is just so much wrongness in the photo, and so much hottness with Surfer Kelly, that I see no other choice.
I have to go with Droopy. He is all things Scrotenanny. Even his stretch marks look like flames. The hott is quite nice. She makes me want to dry hump a volleyball while yelling “Wilson!!”
The Preppiebags are the essence of douchiness. While worthy of public scorn, Droopy is just plain sad. Preppiebags all the way.
# posted by : 8:21 AM
: 8:21 AM
Droopy McScrote, hands down. The HOTT to bloater choad ratio in this picture is beyond measure. There is no mathematical equation at this time to quantify the wrongness and utter debauchery contained in this image.
Wow. I go on vacation and miss a week, come back, and find a most unusual combination of choadery in the weekly. To have Europe, Kentucky, and a Prep School representin' in the weekly is rather rare. However, they all make me want to puke.
My vote - unfortunately - must go with Droopy. He tattooed stretch marks on his lovehandles. Plus, I think I can smell him from across the country. Gross.
Dishonorable mention, though, to the Preppie 'Bags, for whom all I can come up with is "Pink Pants". Really? Pink freakin' pants?
My vote - unfortunately - must go with Droopy. He tattooed stretch marks on his lovehandles. Plus, I think I can smell him from across the country. Gross.
Dishonorable mention, though, to the Preppie 'Bags, for whom all I can come up with is "Pink Pants". Really? Pink freakin' pants?
I'd go Gunter and Klaus, but I know a gheybag when I see one. Or two of them.
Droopy ... well, I'll almost give Droopy a pass. He doesn't inspire rage, maybe because he has about as much chance as Mini Me of taking that girl home.
Which leaves us with ...
(drum roll ...)
Preppiebags for the Win. I don't know if they're playing dressup or what, but sweater tied around the neck == instant scrote. Never mind the visor (a personal pet peeve, akin to the hate spew normally reserved for Yankees caps), pastel colored shorts, and just an air of general entitlement. Trustfund fuckwits grind my gears like nothing else, and these two should be kicked in the head repeatedly until either their monocles fly off, or the silver spoons dislodge themselves from deep in their rectums.
Droopy ... well, I'll almost give Droopy a pass. He doesn't inspire rage, maybe because he has about as much chance as Mini Me of taking that girl home.
Which leaves us with ...
(drum roll ...)
Preppiebags for the Win. I don't know if they're playing dressup or what, but sweater tied around the neck == instant scrote. Never mind the visor (a personal pet peeve, akin to the hate spew normally reserved for Yankees caps), pastel colored shorts, and just an air of general entitlement. Trustfund fuckwits grind my gears like nothing else, and these two should be kicked in the head repeatedly until either their monocles fly off, or the silver spoons dislodge themselves from deep in their rectums.
Droopy McScrote.
because seeing this picture just reminded me that there are free donuts in the breakroom.
because seeing this picture just reminded me that there are free donuts in the breakroom.
Droopy McScrote gets my vote. I'm transfixed by the ass that is apparently growing out of his lower back. Two assholes = huge douche.
And she is delicious.
I can't vote for the preppy bags because I'm not entirely convinced they're serious. I'm guilty of dressing up exactly like that for certain theme parties. Does that make me a douchebag? Probably.
And she is delicious.
I can't vote for the preppy bags because I'm not entirely convinced they're serious. I'm guilty of dressing up exactly like that for certain theme parties. Does that make me a douchebag? Probably.
# posted by : 8:37 AM
: 8:37 AM
These douchebags piss me off the most. Even though droopy has more outlandish douchebaggish features, the preppie bags seem more full of themselves and thus are more punchable and taken-to-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat-able.
# posted by : 8:41 AM
: 8:41 AM
There are many reasons why Droopy should take the week, but for me, there is one reason that blocks out all others.
Stretch marks.
STRETCH MARKS.
Stretch marks.
STRETCH MARKS.
# posted by : 8:41 AM
: 8:41 AM
Droopy is textbook (and the glasses, oh my lord, the glasses!), but his hott is a little slutty and overly-made-up for my taste.
So I have to give it to G&K and Sister Christian, only because, well, "not overly sexy" MY ASS. The boobs, the legs... anyone who wouldn't hit that has been watching way too much porn.
So I have to give it to G&K and Sister Christian, only because, well, "not overly sexy" MY ASS. The boobs, the legs... anyone who wouldn't hit that has been watching way too much porn.
# posted by : 8:43 AM
: 8:43 AM
At my Southern university, prep-douche is the dominant scrotey subspecies. So the Preppiebags earn a special place in my heart. By now I've got a part of my Rage Cortex devoted specifically to popped collars, pastel shorts and seersucker. And Cheeky in the red is as delicious as a tall glass of sweet tea. She makes me feel positively copacetic.
But Droopy. Droopy is an all-out assault on everything that is right and good. And somehow Everything That Is Right And Good has deigned to mash boobs with him. Worst of all, his ponderous bulk reminds me of my own flabby self. He is a funhouse mirror of scrote, reflecting a bizarro-self that gives me the shivers. And when a douche inspires rage AND psychological trauma, you know you have a powerful force on your hands. So Droopy McScrote wins my vote.
But Droopy. Droopy is an all-out assault on everything that is right and good. And somehow Everything That Is Right And Good has deigned to mash boobs with him. Worst of all, his ponderous bulk reminds me of my own flabby self. He is a funhouse mirror of scrote, reflecting a bizarro-self that gives me the shivers. And when a douche inspires rage AND psychological trauma, you know you have a powerful force on your hands. So Droopy McScrote wins my vote.
# posted by : 8:44 AM
: 8:44 AM
DMS FTW. If you're a 'dude' and you've got a C section scar and stretchmarks, keep your shirt on.
# posted by : 8:50 AM
: 8:50 AM
All three are horrid visual atrocities inflicted on mine eyes at this ungodly early hour of the morn. I'm gonna hafta pop in the old "songs of the whale" cassette, light some candles and chillax in the tub to get straight after the scum of this weekly settles.
Truth be told, the douch-face (writ large) on visor preppie bag locks it down for me. I don't give a good goddamn if they're trying to be ironic. I want to see him run down by a pack of rabies-crazed wolves, preferably at the dead of a freezing bleak night.
Truth be told, the douch-face (writ large) on visor preppie bag locks it down for me. I don't give a good goddamn if they're trying to be ironic. I want to see him run down by a pack of rabies-crazed wolves, preferably at the dead of a freezing bleak night.
# posted by : 8:51 AM
: 8:51 AM
I think the more time goes on the more outragousness it takes to win a weekly or monthly. Look at some of the Hall of Scrote winners. You have classics such as Peaches and Fishslap. No eye shadow or tatoos everywhere. They represent the classic douchebag in the bar who you want to slam a stool over and make off with their wemens.
That is why Gunter and Klaus have to win.
That is why Gunter and Klaus have to win.
# posted by : 8:56 AM
: 8:56 AM
+1 to Choaderfield for recognizing the dominant douche in the South. I have to vote for Preppiebags cos anyone who wears their sunglasses on croakies makes me feel stabby. They've both got a douhcey gesture going, but so does Rachel (brunette hott)! The Grieco virus is so strong here that it's spreading to the hott as the picture is being taken. Flabby is impressive, but Surfer Hott is prolly just some Absolut street teamer caught at a bad time crossing the dance floor, where Flabby rocked out by his lonesome. Preppiebags ftw.
Droopy, FTW. I mean, WTF? Does he actually think he looks good? Sure, she looks as if she is just granting him a pity pic, because I refuse, REFUSE to believe that this hott would associate with Droopy beyond the three seconds it took to write these pixels to flash memory. Begone, Droopy, and take your douche-tats with you.
Really, Droopy is the only real contestant here. Again, it is not nice to make fun of Europeans, they don't know better, and while I hate a prep-bag (and these two are certainly that), they are rather pathetic, really. Do they not realize that James Spader in Pretty in Pink is nothing to emulate? I do want to kick pink-pants in the pink parts though.
Really, Droopy is the only real contestant here. Again, it is not nice to make fun of Europeans, they don't know better, and while I hate a prep-bag (and these two are certainly that), they are rather pathetic, really. Do they not realize that James Spader in Pretty in Pink is nothing to emulate? I do want to kick pink-pants in the pink parts though.
# posted by : 9:01 AM
: 9:01 AM
I really want to vote for Droopy. First of all, when in their history have the Houston Astros ever worn black and white trucker caps onto the field? Ever? Second, as a proud nerd the nerd glasses on this assbag make me want to kill something. Third, he seems to have gotten his bling from a gumball machine and his tattoos from his retarded brother Bilo. It seems as if his hott, however, is paid to pose. If she is in fact with him, then there's something seriously wrong in the universe. Not one of us will ever again have an excuse not to have a retina searing beauty such as her on our arm.
Gunter and Klaus are some sort of European comedy team that I don't understand.
The Preppiebags are something I don't think we've had here before. I could be wrong, but they attempt to use ironodouchery to divert attention away from their true trustabaggian nature. The attempted cliché wealthy asshole pantomime to somehow negate their everyday white sheep choadalism. Whenever I read about some guy dying of autoerotic asphyxiation I picture a dude much like these buttmunches. In fact they'll probably die together, each at opposing ends of the belt.
And as much as I want to vote for these two, again, I cannot.
So, with that in mind, I vote for a steel cage deathmatch between Droopy McScrote and the Preppiebags. We'll keep them for a week, feeding them nothing but whisky and pcp, until we finally unleash them against each other in the cage. Then, we'll put the winner on a pedestal and shoot him in the fucking head.
I guess that means I'm voting for a tie.
Gunter and Klaus are some sort of European comedy team that I don't understand.
The Preppiebags are something I don't think we've had here before. I could be wrong, but they attempt to use ironodouchery to divert attention away from their true trustabaggian nature. The attempted cliché wealthy asshole pantomime to somehow negate their everyday white sheep choadalism. Whenever I read about some guy dying of autoerotic asphyxiation I picture a dude much like these buttmunches. In fact they'll probably die together, each at opposing ends of the belt.
And as much as I want to vote for these two, again, I cannot.
So, with that in mind, I vote for a steel cage deathmatch between Droopy McScrote and the Preppiebags. We'll keep them for a week, feeding them nothing but whisky and pcp, until we finally unleash them against each other in the cage. Then, we'll put the winner on a pedestal and shoot him in the fucking head.
I guess that means I'm voting for a tie.
# posted by : 9:04 AM
: 9:04 AM
If we actually get a picture of Dimitri with a hot chick that is not his defense lawyer, his mom, or his parole officer...like, maybe, Dimitri with THIS CHICK?...I am giving my advance notice as a pledged delegate that I will vote for him as HCwDB of the Year.
It has been a banner week for HCwDB with the audio contributions and the steady diet of continuously awe-inspiring examples of douchetude and hott.
That said, I must go with Gunter and Klaus FTW because I still hear that hard pumping euro-trash techno beat pulsing in the background while they pose over the well seasoned hott, one second before pushing her out of the pic to make love to the camera (and each other?)... and:
1) Droopy McScrote may have let Mr. Daniels and the presence of sweet-tummy-jane get the better of his judgment...
2) Preppiebags (i.e. Phil Mickelson phans) are either bags in costume or deserve to be drop kicked off the cliffs at Pebble Beach with their hands bound.
That said, I must go with Gunter and Klaus FTW because I still hear that hard pumping euro-trash techno beat pulsing in the background while they pose over the well seasoned hott, one second before pushing her out of the pic to make love to the camera (and each other?)... and:
1) Droopy McScrote may have let Mr. Daniels and the presence of sweet-tummy-jane get the better of his judgment...
2) Preppiebags (i.e. Phil Mickelson phans) are either bags in costume or deserve to be drop kicked off the cliffs at Pebble Beach with their hands bound.
# posted by : 9:16 AM
: 9:16 AM
are you mad, DB1???
you can't ask us to pick this week!
ALL of those choices need to be flogged, beaten by upset horses aiming to kick you above the neck, and burnt for the firewood they wish they could be.
by which of course i mean forever marked as douche scrote.
you can decide whatever you like for the hotts, though sharing is highly suggested.
you can't ask us to pick this week!
ALL of those choices need to be flogged, beaten by upset horses aiming to kick you above the neck, and burnt for the firewood they wish they could be.
by which of course i mean forever marked as douche scrote.
you can decide whatever you like for the hotts, though sharing is highly suggested.
# posted by : 9:25 AM
: 9:25 AM
Droopy. That dude is hideous...he's like watching a car accident...you know you shouldn't look, but you can't help but stare.
Droopy McScrote gets my vote, both because of the stretch marks and the sad parallels to a children's story he lives along.
Unless I'm mistaken, the tattoo that says "Velveteen" on his tummy tum tum is a very telling piece of scripture. Follow me on his tale:
Surfer Kelly moved out of her parents house and fell in love with a humble Walgreens Clerk. He becomes corrupted from watching too much Flavor of Love and old NWA videos, and starts to ooze douche and gangsta tatts from beneath the folds of his chin.
Kelly loves him anyway, for he is Velveteen, and he begins hanging out with people who tried to be crips and who hang out in food courts dangling the keys to their parents' SUV's from their baggy assed pants.
The companionship will last through the year, until Kelly gets some venereal disease, and the doctor orders all of Kelly's possessions burned, for a sterile environment is a healthy environment.
But a sterile environment is also douche free, and Kelly is given by her parents a new boyfriend who wears collared shirts and has a job in a call center in silicon valley. Velveteen Droopy is sad. A tear congeals under the thick lense of his bloodshot eye.
I'm hoping the tear brings forth the Magic Fairy that flies Droopy deep into Compton where he lives a happy life running through backyards away from cops and Isaac Hayes-esque vigilantes, and that one day Kelly will catch a glimpse of a "Velveteen" tatt between two big breasted single mothers at a frat party someday. She'll know that he's safe and still "keepin it real". But that's just a fairy tale.
So yeah, I vote for Droopy.
Unless I'm mistaken, the tattoo that says "Velveteen" on his tummy tum tum is a very telling piece of scripture. Follow me on his tale:
Surfer Kelly moved out of her parents house and fell in love with a humble Walgreens Clerk. He becomes corrupted from watching too much Flavor of Love and old NWA videos, and starts to ooze douche and gangsta tatts from beneath the folds of his chin.
Kelly loves him anyway, for he is Velveteen, and he begins hanging out with people who tried to be crips and who hang out in food courts dangling the keys to their parents' SUV's from their baggy assed pants.
The companionship will last through the year, until Kelly gets some venereal disease, and the doctor orders all of Kelly's possessions burned, for a sterile environment is a healthy environment.
But a sterile environment is also douche free, and Kelly is given by her parents a new boyfriend who wears collared shirts and has a job in a call center in silicon valley. Velveteen Droopy is sad. A tear congeals under the thick lense of his bloodshot eye.
I'm hoping the tear brings forth the Magic Fairy that flies Droopy deep into Compton where he lives a happy life running through backyards away from cops and Isaac Hayes-esque vigilantes, and that one day Kelly will catch a glimpse of a "Velveteen" tatt between two big breasted single mothers at a frat party someday. She'll know that he's safe and still "keepin it real". But that's just a fairy tale.
So yeah, I vote for Droopy.
# posted by : 9:46 AM
: 9:46 AM
Droopy McScrote takes it. He's just abominable - and the tats tell me he's not just in a Halloween costume or something.
Also: stretch marks. Eeshk.
Also: stretch marks. Eeshk.
# posted by : 9:59 AM
: 9:59 AM
My vote is for Droopy.
She is everything that is sweet and succulent in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. I'd drown myself in chocolate just to get the golden ticket to lick her snozzberries.
As for droopy....top of the muffin...TO YOU!
She is everything that is sweet and succulent in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. I'd drown myself in chocolate just to get the golden ticket to lick her snozzberries.
As for droopy....top of the muffin...TO YOU!
# posted by : 10:07 AM
: 10:07 AM
BTW:
Is there any way we can hook up Dimitri w/ the Preppie 'bag's bleeths?
methinks they'd be perfect for each other....
Is there any way we can hook up Dimitri w/ the Preppie 'bag's bleeths?
methinks they'd be perfect for each other....
You know what? I'd like to cast a write-in vote for Dimitri the Answering Machine Psychodouche. I realize there is no physical Hott to confirm the Hott/Douche pairing, but with that doucheliscious message, does it really matter how hott Olga is?
p.s. I've actually gotten messages like this in the past, and even had a persistent stalker (12-years and counting!) once show up at my house with an answering machine as a GIFT because, he said, clearly my machine must be broken because I was not returning his calls.
p.s. I've actually gotten messages like this in the past, and even had a persistent stalker (12-years and counting!) once show up at my house with an answering machine as a GIFT because, he said, clearly my machine must be broken because I was not returning his calls.
I think he has this win in the bag (haha), but I'll still vote for Droopy out of pure spite.
# posted by : 10:25 AM
: 10:25 AM
Droopy McScrote FTW.
He has a zest for the douche.
He also reminds me of ex-Astros pitcher Fred "Flintstone" Gladding.
He has a zest for the douche.
He also reminds me of ex-Astros pitcher Fred "Flintstone" Gladding.
# posted by : 10:47 AM
: 10:47 AM
this is a hard one. i look at droopy and all i can feel is pity. i look at the prep bags and all i can think of is high school and i get nostalgic. i look at eurobags gunter and claus and all i can think of is grossness. and how they have her cornered with their crotches. and then winning bells go off in my head. and i have a closer look - they are both wearing silly sun-glasses indoors, they both have the "pursed-lips" touch-guy expression, both have thier shirts unbuttoned all they way down to south america - one with a popped collar, both have a moustache/chin-dribble stubble combo, combined wash-out jeans with dress shoes(???), and one choad is trying to shoot lasers out of the tips of his fingers in an attempt to look authoritative. These two have won me over - they get my vote.
And she is a gorgeous smiling dish of lightly-grilled boob-sandwich with a side order of boobies garnished with pumps.
And she is a gorgeous smiling dish of lightly-grilled boob-sandwich with a side order of boobies garnished with pumps.
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
Droopy FTW, HANDS DOWN.
Reasoning? Two words: STRETCH MARKS
The fact that, as a straight girl, I would choose Surfer Kelly over him in a nanosecond really ought to tell you something.
Reasoning? Two words: STRETCH MARKS
The fact that, as a straight girl, I would choose Surfer Kelly over him in a nanosecond really ought to tell you something.
# posted by : 11:25 AM
: 11:25 AM
Droopy McScrote for the Win. There is simply no reason for him not to win.
Douche Racer
Douche Racer
# posted by : 11:28 AM
: 11:28 AM
Surfer Kelly is precisely what I would build if I had the geek chops of the kids in "Weird Science." I would fight off dozens of rabid rats to get into the dumpster behind the place where she got her last pedicure just for the chance to rub what might have been her toenail clippings (but were probably Richard Roeper's) on my ear lobes.
Oh Kelly, my Kelly. If a flabby 40-something is what you need, come to me...no tatts, no douche essence, no stretch marks...
Kelly & Droops FTW. This has to be the clubhouse leader for the yearly.
Oh Kelly, my Kelly. If a flabby 40-something is what you need, come to me...no tatts, no douche essence, no stretch marks...
Kelly & Droops FTW. This has to be the clubhouse leader for the yearly.
# posted by : 11:30 AM
: 11:30 AM
G&K and the Preppiebags just don't seem real to me. They're too douchesque. The pictures both give off the distinct air of costumed mockery, and thus I disqualify them both.
Droopy, however. He's trying too, but the man commits. The tats! The bling! The glasses! The stretch marks! Ah, Droopy, looking at your picture confuses my retinas, my frontal cortex, and my knowledge of what is good in the world and where to find it. You, sir, decrease my faith in humanity, and if that's not the essence of Douche, I don't know what is.
Droopy for a resounding win, and may he rot.
Droopy, however. He's trying too, but the man commits. The tats! The bling! The glasses! The stretch marks! Ah, Droopy, looking at your picture confuses my retinas, my frontal cortex, and my knowledge of what is good in the world and where to find it. You, sir, decrease my faith in humanity, and if that's not the essence of Douche, I don't know what is.
Droopy for a resounding win, and may he rot.
# posted by : 11:41 AM
: 11:41 AM
its really not very close, I got Gunter sucking up Klaus, I mean, third place, followed by the Preppies, who's hott gives Surfer Kelly a little comp at a solid 7.83, but, anyone who wears pink pants for whatever reason, real or imagined, does not deserve the honor that is winning the weekly.
But, I just have a feeling that Droopy's shorts smell like a long-haul truckers ass after three days on the road with no shower having done three different Lot-Lizards each night, and his hott has no equal in this weekly,( even if she has a face like Jennifer Anniston, [not.a.plus.])
She is a solid 8.67, and he scores a 9.0 in douchitude, stats like that, they got a shot at the Monthly!
Droopy for the win!
But, I just have a feeling that Droopy's shorts smell like a long-haul truckers ass after three days on the road with no shower having done three different Lot-Lizards each night, and his hott has no equal in this weekly,( even if she has a face like Jennifer Anniston, [not.a.plus.])
She is a solid 8.67, and he scores a 9.0 in douchitude, stats like that, they got a shot at the Monthly!
Droopy for the win!
While G&K and the preps are deserved of nomination, they pale in comparison to the douchitutde of droopy. I ache at the extremely advanced stage of douchiness with him - I suggest naming a stage after him, even. And to cap it off, he's gott a hott of high caliber, and one that appears to not have any bleethiness - egads, a very rare sighting indeed, with such an advanced DB and hot hott, yet with no bleeth?! Scour the archives, I say, and prove to me that there is such a combo already in existence. I cannot believe as such.
Droopy, FTW!
Droopy, FTW!
# posted by : 11:52 AM
: 11:52 AM
I'm gonna vote for Droopy.
Preppiebags are fakes, in my opinion (they look suspiciously similar to "Name That Scrote" towards the bottom of the page--check it out if you don't believe me)
Gunter and Klause might be good enough in other weeks, but Droopy is way too special.
Preppiebags are fakes, in my opinion (they look suspiciously similar to "Name That Scrote" towards the bottom of the page--check it out if you don't believe me)
Gunter and Klause might be good enough in other weeks, but Droopy is way too special.
# posted by : 11:56 AM
: 11:56 AM
Droopy-because the sight of him with a hangover resulted in me nosebooting a perfect parabolic arc of partially emulsified pepperonis, one of which lodged in my sinus cavity.
Let's get real here... the preppiebags are the douches of the week for sure. Look at those pink pants and cardigans.
The hotts are nice too.
The hotts are nice too.
# posted by : 12:09 PM
: 12:09 PM
I hav to geev ze vote to mein boyz, Gunter und Klaus. Zey are rawking ze kul sunglasses und ze pursed lipz like ze Scorpions are still trendy. Ze fraulein might have some chunky legs, but ze brusten are zehr schoen. Bonuzez fur ze popped collahs und ze very mahnly facial hair.
Zey are almost as sexy as Hasselhoff! Zey are ze Wehrmacht und ze girl is Poland. Zey vill overvelm her vit de zuperior German engineering of zere waxed bodies.
Zey are almost as sexy as Hasselhoff! Zey are ze Wehrmacht und ze girl is Poland. Zey vill overvelm her vit de zuperior German engineering of zere waxed bodies.
Okay, Droopy McScrote.
Because he is the only one that seems genuine. Plus he has some wild stretch marks.
Because he is the only one that seems genuine. Plus he has some wild stretch marks.
This isn't even a competition.
Droopy ought to win in a landslide. And while there are many reasons why, they can be summed up this way:
Tats, hand gesture and STRETCH MARKS + smoking hot girl with BOOBIES = Droopy FTW.
Seriously, I cannot imagine that any time in the history of this site there has been a picture of someone with the usual scrote markings with stretch marks. That's gotta be worth something.
Specifically, a win in the weekly.
Droopy ought to win in a landslide. And while there are many reasons why, they can be summed up this way:
Tats, hand gesture and STRETCH MARKS + smoking hot girl with BOOBIES = Droopy FTW.
Seriously, I cannot imagine that any time in the history of this site there has been a picture of someone with the usual scrote markings with stretch marks. That's gotta be worth something.
Specifically, a win in the weekly.
I cast my vote for Droopy. His hott blows the other girls out of the water. His flab blows the other douches out of the water, but that is nothing more than the nature of water displacement. His stretch marks would be visible from the space shuttle if those poor astronauts weren't blinded from the glare of his stainless steel bling.
Droopy FTW.
Beach bunny Kelly can surf my waves anytime. What's she doing with this 'bag? All those tats and rings... it's just like polishing a turd.
Beach bunny Kelly can surf my waves anytime. What's she doing with this 'bag? All those tats and rings... it's just like polishing a turd.
Holy shit DB1, I vote for them all. So take one of those black pebbles and put one each in these guys jars, or do whatever it is you do to determine the winner (I've often thought of how DB1 determines the winners. I think he uses the margin of his desk calendar and tallies up strikes, then just says fuck it and picks his favorite. Really, who's gonna call him on it?). These guys are all apex douche predators.
Droopy FTW.
She is smokin hot. His stretch marks and beer gut and stupid tats and weird hand gesture are not.
She is smokin hot. His stretch marks and beer gut and stupid tats and weird hand gesture are not.
# posted by : 1:28 PM
: 1:28 PM
Droopy for this reason.
This Hott/Douche ratio could be one of the most significant ever. As they are both extreme specimens of the species we are forced to consider that the numbers for each are so large that the ratio approaches 1 asymptotically!
The closest thing to a perfect ratio as possible.
This Hott/Douche ratio could be one of the most significant ever. As they are both extreme specimens of the species we are forced to consider that the numbers for each are so large that the ratio approaches 1 asymptotically!
The closest thing to a perfect ratio as possible.
# posted by : 1:41 PM
: 1:41 PM
Droopy. She makes me want to shower her in man chowder. And by man chowder I mean gifts that might make her give me a forelorn glance. He makes me want to vomit. And by vomit I mean eject the content of my stomach out of my mouth.
# posted by : 2:07 PM
: 2:07 PM
Though I actually prefer little red riding hott of the preppiebags photo, it must be Droopy for the win.
In one of the earlier comment threads about this epic tool, one poster indicated that Droopy might be part of a Latin gang. I believe that gang would be known as, "I'm 40 years old and live in the casa di me madre".
He has seven different bag markings; wanna-be gang tats, cheap bling, non-army poseur camo gear, hand gesture, tilted cap, superman underoos showing, and, of course, a total lack of respect for himself and the the decent non-scrote members of the world.
In a week where douchey duos are on the prowl, the immortal words of the Kurgan ring true: "There can be only one!"
And by only one, he meant one stinky ass choad to rule them all. Now someone decapitate this douche with a broadsword.
In one of the earlier comment threads about this epic tool, one poster indicated that Droopy might be part of a Latin gang. I believe that gang would be known as, "I'm 40 years old and live in the casa di me madre".
He has seven different bag markings; wanna-be gang tats, cheap bling, non-army poseur camo gear, hand gesture, tilted cap, superman underoos showing, and, of course, a total lack of respect for himself and the the decent non-scrote members of the world.
In a week where douchey duos are on the prowl, the immortal words of the Kurgan ring true: "There can be only one!"
And by only one, he meant one stinky ass choad to rule them all. Now someone decapitate this douche with a broadsword.
# posted by : 2:16 PM
: 2:16 PM
Gotta go with Droopy McScrote for so many reasons, but the main reason is the way he casually tries to hid his football sized collection of stretch marks by sagging his pants just low enough to place his fire engine colored chones next to them. That and the way he points his wierd turkey neck towards the Bleeth.
# posted by : 2:27 PM
: 2:27 PM
Droopy for the win, it's blatant, huge. Moreover, the hott is fit and plenty of boob is present. This picture is what HCwDB is all about.
# posted by : 2:31 PM
: 2:31 PM
Droopy McScrote FTW without a shred of doubt. Two reasons: 1) this picture sums up everything that is wrong with humanity in one flabby picture; and 2) after looking at this picture I am positive that I could kill the next 3 people that walk past my desk and be exonerated by a jury of my peers under a temporary insanity clause, using this picture as the backbone of my case.
# posted by : 2:45 PM
: 2:45 PM
Droopy ftw. I have to cover the Droopy-half of the photo with this comment window in order to think clearly.
# posted by : 2:48 PM
: 2:48 PM
Droppy FTW - Hands down.
@ don't wheeze at 7:15 - Droopy McScrote gets the GASFACE!!!
@ don't wheeze at 7:15 - Droopy McScrote gets the GASFACE!!!
# posted by : 3:27 PM
: 3:27 PM
while i have a special disdain for preppy bags i have to give it to droopy... just wrong on so many levels. and good lord, the stretch marks... in the words of colonel kurtz "the horror. the horror."
Guys and Galls,
Without a doubt it has to be the Preppiebags!
While droopy's hott is undoubtedly a fetching creature, the pose looks a little too 'professional' and this pic may have been taken either for $$$ or for what droopy should evoke ... our pity.
In the end he's just sad...
While the Preppies are the epitomy of douche, using daddy's money to cavalcade around with various beauties, contaminating them and all who surround with the scrote virus.
Plus ... you cannot deny the power of what has to be douchebag hand gesture #1: The original 'Wink and the Gun'.
This weekly should not even be close!
Without a doubt it has to be the Preppiebags!
While droopy's hott is undoubtedly a fetching creature, the pose looks a little too 'professional' and this pic may have been taken either for $$$ or for what droopy should evoke ... our pity.
In the end he's just sad...
While the Preppies are the epitomy of douche, using daddy's money to cavalcade around with various beauties, contaminating them and all who surround with the scrote virus.
Plus ... you cannot deny the power of what has to be douchebag hand gesture #1: The original 'Wink and the Gun'.
This weekly should not even be close!
# posted by : 4:15 PM
: 4:15 PM
G&K, FTW. The other broads are bleethed beyond measure, especially compared to Scottsdale soccer mom, who can still be revived from her impending douche coma if she has 100cc's of me applied to her, stat.
# posted by : 4:20 PM
: 4:20 PM
Droopy gets my vote. He's got stretch marks like a man who decided to get fat in a weekend. Put on a shirt, Fatty, and mail me me back my hott.
Looks like you have covered the entire periodic table of doucheness with battle. It almost feels wrong to vote for one since the others are all so worthy -- in their own way.
I am spoiling my ballot.
kingcityDouche
I am spoiling my ballot.
kingcityDouche
# posted by : 5:12 PM
: 5:12 PM
In all honesty, it has to be Droopy FTW. And the reasons, albeit INCREDIBLY hard to realize, so don't feel to bad, are numerous.
There's nothing that screams "I bag all the chicks" quite like a make believe gang sign and a fake 'Thug Life' tattoo. But it's okay. I'm sure your favorite Miami Ink [read: the ratty, homeless-looking guy behind the local CVS with a penchant for tattoos and meth] artist wasn't available. Perhaps you'll have something done the next time you visit the 'M.I.A', or even on your upcoming trip to Vegas to meet idol, Cris Angel. GASP, maybe he'll notice the sick piercings and the bling. A start of a great friendship indeed.
There's also the fact that while your Audrina Patridge knockoff is quite cute in her paisly/vomit shorts, she's still standing next to you, which, believe it or not, is enough to make her into an even sadder [although smokin] 121 lb. bag of muscle and flesh. Still, there's no trace of a brain to be found anywhere, though it's quite possible you could have eaten it.
And last, but certainly not all, or even least, would be the stretch marks/scars from a botched gastric bypass/tire removal above the *gags* visible red, hell-destined shorts of ultimatescrote. If Malibu idiot can keep her panties [assumed] hidden, I'm trusting you can too buddy.
There's nothing that screams "I bag all the chicks" quite like a make believe gang sign and a fake 'Thug Life' tattoo. But it's okay. I'm sure your favorite Miami Ink [read: the ratty, homeless-looking guy behind the local CVS with a penchant for tattoos and meth] artist wasn't available. Perhaps you'll have something done the next time you visit the 'M.I.A', or even on your upcoming trip to Vegas to meet idol, Cris Angel. GASP, maybe he'll notice the sick piercings and the bling. A start of a great friendship indeed.
There's also the fact that while your Audrina Patridge knockoff is quite cute in her paisly/vomit shorts, she's still standing next to you, which, believe it or not, is enough to make her into an even sadder [although smokin] 121 lb. bag of muscle and flesh. Still, there's no trace of a brain to be found anywhere, though it's quite possible you could have eaten it.
And last, but certainly not all, or even least, would be the stretch marks/scars from a botched gastric bypass/tire removal above the *gags* visible red, hell-destined shorts of ultimatescrote. If Malibu idiot can keep her panties [assumed] hidden, I'm trusting you can too buddy.
Gotta go with Gunter und Claus, because they really feel like they are hot stuff. Preppie bags look like they hang out with Bra on the weekends, but aren't doing anything overtly douchey. After laughing my ass off for about 10 minutes, I realized that Droopy is just kind of sad. And stretch marks should never be honored with anything, even with a HCwDB of the week award.
# posted by : 5:53 PM
: 5:53 PM
My vote goes to Droopy McScrote. Because of the stretchmarks and the last hints of sadness in his eyes. You see, Droopy probably was a pasty nerd in high school. The douches would call him "Pillsbury" to his face. And he would cry alone at night. One day, his flacid pasty spine gave way and he thought: "Maybe if I saved my allowances I could get the most popular tatoos from my local tatoo parlor and ask my cousin in Houston to buy me generic skull rings with the rest of the money. Maybe they would stop teasing me." So Droopy went ahead with his plan. To test his idea, he went to a boat and camper trade show in his town, looked for the most beautiful model he could find and waited 30 minutes to have his picture taken with her. "It works!", he thought in his little lightbulb brain, "I'm gonna be popular!". This picture is the exact moment Droopy goes to the scrote side. We lost another one.
# posted by : 6:12 PM
: 6:12 PM
Droopy McScrote FTW, hands down. I should elaborate on the reasons but I know I don't need to.
Surfer Kelly is tasty num nums. In fact, I'd REALLY like to taste her num nums...
Surfer Kelly is tasty num nums. In fact, I'd REALLY like to taste her num nums...
This is easy, no need to spend too much time, the winner is Droopy. Gunter and Klaus are normal Euro douches, Preppiebags might be fake (although Blondie McSmile is quite hot). Now as for Droopy, a mix of Mr. Brett and Peter Griffin rocking a pair of Kurt Rambis goggles. She however, despite the kinda messed up smile and fake rocks, is rocking a tight little body and is probably quite a wonderful young lady to be around.
So my boy Droopy is the winner, there's nothing wrong with rocking some extra lbs, but what makes a man a man is self-awareness. If you're rocking a muffin-top then please cover it up, and never get a tummy tattoo unless you're planning to stay the same exact weight for the rest of your life.
So my boy Droopy is the winner, there's nothing wrong with rocking some extra lbs, but what makes a man a man is self-awareness. If you're rocking a muffin-top then please cover it up, and never get a tummy tattoo unless you're planning to stay the same exact weight for the rest of your life.
Gunter and Klaus for sure, i know their type always is a favorite but Droopy is lucky to even be next to a woman, and Preppiebags are just plain old assholes that don't need to win anything else. Im sure they have their fast cars and hot girlfriends, but the Eurobags have the hand pose.
@moby douche 10:47:
Excellent Fred Gladding reference. When I was a kid Gladding was in every third pack of baseball cards I'd buy.
Excellent Fred Gladding reference. When I was a kid Gladding was in every third pack of baseball cards I'd buy.
Gunter, Klaus: listen up. Do not blaspheme the Peaches Point.
But my vote goes to Preppiebags for the pink pants and matching hat+belt combo.
But my vote goes to Preppiebags for the pink pants and matching hat+belt combo.
I have to vote for Droopy McScrote for two reasons.
1. Droopy is a cautionary tale. I have his gut and jowls, often hang with girls like Kelly, and hope to continue to. It is important that I remember not to avoid any of his scrotey spectacle.
2. Kelly. I would die tomorrow if I could guide her through the detritus of DC to a cat filled Capitol today.
1. Droopy is a cautionary tale. I have his gut and jowls, often hang with girls like Kelly, and hope to continue to. It is important that I remember not to avoid any of his scrotey spectacle.
2. Kelly. I would die tomorrow if I could guide her through the detritus of DC to a cat filled Capitol today.
# posted by : 8:12 PM
: 8:12 PM
Any douche with stretch marks and early 90's Horace Grant "Athletic Spectacles" is a winner in my book.
Droop on you droopy douche
Droop on you droopy douche
Droopy needs to be memorialized by winning the weekly before his arteries clog with Doritos residue and douche grease.
Droopy for the weekly, the monthly, and damn if I don't wanna pencil him in for the yearly. The Hott-Douche Dichotomy can get worse than this, but sadly, I fear that DB1 will prove me wrong.
If this pic featured a red plastic cup, this site would collapse in on itself by the sheer weight of this tableau's perfection.
If this pic featured a red plastic cup, this site would collapse in on itself by the sheer weight of this tableau's perfection.
# posted by : 9:30 PM
: 9:30 PM
Yo this is totally done on purpose. No one really dresses like Carlton from 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air'.
# posted by : 11:24 PM
: 11:24 PM
Droopy is a dime a dozen on HCWD. Preppie brings a new flavor of Douche. Preppie FTW.
# posted by : 12:08 AM
: 12:08 AM
The way Droopy is being squeezed out of his camo pants like fat and meat out of a sausage casing, revealing stretch marks, easily gives him status the other competitors just don't have. Then there's Kelly. Wow, a Hott truly worthy of the site. What's she doing with Droopy? That will only be revealed at the End Times on Judgement Day. I can wait.
# posted by : 12:25 AM
: 12:25 AM
It can't be Droopy McScrote. Why?
Because he's such a loser he wouldn't even be able to win a douche contest like this.
As someone who grew up hating those scrotes in Trading Places as they harmonised, I have to put my money with the PreppieBags!
Those other two eurodouches will have to lift their generic douche game if they're to make the big leagues! Back to EuroVision with you!
Because he's such a loser he wouldn't even be able to win a douche contest like this.
As someone who grew up hating those scrotes in Trading Places as they harmonised, I have to put my money with the PreppieBags!
Those other two eurodouches will have to lift their generic douche game if they're to make the big leagues! Back to EuroVision with you!
Much though I love to ridicule a preppy bag - and the little krauts are pretty entertaining with their 'precious-tough' self-marketing campaign - Droopy is in a class of his own. And by 'class' I mean 'still living in the trailer with mom, stealing tenners from her purse, huffing linseed oil and watching Head of the Class re-runs even though you have already memorized them.' For her I would, well I'd probably get deeply into the vodka, but she's still the hottest this week.
ATB,
Pleather Tuscadero
ATB,
Pleather Tuscadero
# posted by : 5:10 AM
: 5:10 AM
Droopy, for all the reasons others have listed, but also because he deserves to win something, just once in his pathetic life. It might help his self-esteem.
The vote has to go to Preppiebags. I would love to vote for the Euro's but these two guys are what is wrong with our generations. When did society ever decide it was going to be cool and bring back the Zack Morris sweater around the neck look. The frat boys just need to go away forever. The worst part is that some girls actually think that this is a good look. As for finalist number two, he is clearly a major douche, but hes just getting a sympathy pic, he stands no chance with her. The girls with Preppiebags, actually worship those douchenuts.
# posted by : 6:44 AM
: 6:44 AM
My vote goes to Droopy.Why?Because he is Droopy,and she is very hot.
On a side note,the preppiebags look like they are in a local watering hole to me.Anybody from Chicago's northern 'burbs?Looks like Fatman's.If so,these guys probably got their asses kicked shortly after the pic was taken.
On a side note,the preppiebags look like they are in a local watering hole to me.Anybody from Chicago's northern 'burbs?Looks like Fatman's.If so,these guys probably got their asses kicked shortly after the pic was taken.
# posted by : 7:10 AM
: 7:10 AM
This is the first time I've ever voted for anything on this site, and it's only because the wrongness of Droopy forced me to. I can't sit idly by and let such nausea-inducing douchosity go unnoticed.
# posted by : 7:18 AM
: 7:18 AM
Gotsta be Droopy.
Because his massive love handles actually have stretch marks.
And uber-hott reminds me of HBT...but probably PTP. Oh well. You could pilot a 747 through the hott/douche divide here.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
Because his massive love handles actually have stretch marks.
And uber-hott reminds me of HBT...but probably PTP. Oh well. You could pilot a 747 through the hott/douche divide here.
Amerigo Vesdouchey
# posted by : 7:29 AM
: 7:29 AM
Just can't say enough about the reference to the classic douchebag Teddy Beckerstead and his little douchebag buddy played by Jeremy Piven.
# posted by : 7:34 AM
: 7:34 AM
i was going to give it to droopy, but I just cant get past the preppiebags pink and yellow pants, the neck sweaters, the lanyard sunglasses, the neon wristbands, the pointing gestures and that douchetard wink, and most importantly the quality of the hotts can not be denied. All that is wrong with the world is in this picture. These two girls need saving ... droopy looks like he's posing at an adult-con more than anything else. preppies take it.
# posted by : 8:12 AM
: 8:12 AM
droopy all the way. he make's me sick, and i just want to lick her all over. the two of them should never be in the same building together, let alone the same picture.puke, puke, puke.
# posted by : 8:21 AM
: 8:21 AM
Droopy is a cartoon...I need to believe that the hott is "into" the poohstain in order to really want to scratch my eyes out in rage and despair. I don't buy it for a second with Droop-n-Hott.
The preps are just playing. Their hotts picked out those outfits, ironed them lovingly (while wearing nothing but panties and a bra and giggling and tickling each other)...sorry where was I?,... and laid them out on the bed for them. That doesn't count.
But G&K bring the PAIN...they are pros. On a pure "points" bases (a little orange, hand gesture, d-face, sunglasses worn indoors) they don't measure up to the douche lexicon that is the Droop...but they are scrotes to the depth of their...I was gonna say "souls" but that can't be right...
Anyway, they elicit the rage before the ridicule and that's true choaditudity.
Oh, and one more thing...BOOBIES!!!!
The preps are just playing. Their hotts picked out those outfits, ironed them lovingly (while wearing nothing but panties and a bra and giggling and tickling each other)...sorry where was I?,... and laid them out on the bed for them. That doesn't count.
But G&K bring the PAIN...they are pros. On a pure "points" bases (a little orange, hand gesture, d-face, sunglasses worn indoors) they don't measure up to the douche lexicon that is the Droop...but they are scrotes to the depth of their...I was gonna say "souls" but that can't be right...
Anyway, they elicit the rage before the ridicule and that's true choaditudity.
Oh, and one more thing...BOOBIES!!!!
Oh dear! Live the internet for three weeks, and look at all the scotes that pop up everywhere... it'll be a while till I get my douchealogical bearings, but I do hear that little voice whispering "Burn 'em! Burn 'em all!" whenever I come to this site and know I'm on the right track. One for the preppybags, please. An underrepresented species on this site.
# posted by : 9:23 AM
: 9:23 AM
While I prefer to publicly scorn the Washington DC-esque preppybags, Droopy McScrote gets my vote here.
Droops all the way. He has gone above and beyond the required level of a-douche-rement: rings, stomach tat, army shorts, boxers showing, scrote-cap, emo-glasses, and worst of all, shirtless. It's like he couldn't decide on 1 douche-theme, so he just went for them all.
And that hott. Untouchable. Mouth watering. I am convinced that the only reason she is within 10 feet of Droopy is because she thinks he has down syndrome. I'm also convinced that if she sat on a wooden park bench for 5 seconds, I would sleep on that bench until her scent drifted away.
And that hott. Untouchable. Mouth watering. I am convinced that the only reason she is within 10 feet of Droopy is because she thinks he has down syndrome. I'm also convinced that if she sat on a wooden park bench for 5 seconds, I would sleep on that bench until her scent drifted away.
# posted by : 12:00 PM
: 12:00 PM
The DROOPSTER, Droopy McScrote FTW!!!!
That chick is a Top Ten Bleeth and if the Droopster can pull off the Shirtless "Stretch Pack" he's got going on with elicit Ink Coverage, rings to show, "he's the man" and a dumbass grin on his face.. than he deserves EVERYTHING he gets as DouchOfTheWeek!!!!
Gunter and Klaus pertrude Douche all over pointy pink cans, but are just to mainstream douche for me
The Preppiebags were 100% premeditated to make fun of the Douchewave. the are Imitation Crabs.
Again, DROOPSTER ftw!!!
That chick is a Top Ten Bleeth and if the Droopster can pull off the Shirtless "Stretch Pack" he's got going on with elicit Ink Coverage, rings to show, "he's the man" and a dumbass grin on his face.. than he deserves EVERYTHING he gets as DouchOfTheWeek!!!!
Gunter and Klaus pertrude Douche all over pointy pink cans, but are just to mainstream douche for me
The Preppiebags were 100% premeditated to make fun of the Douchewave. the are Imitation Crabs.
Again, DROOPSTER ftw!!!
# posted by : 12:40 PM
: 12:40 PM
Droopy McScrote all the way. I just can't figure out how so much shame can be encompassed in just one picture.
all the bags feel about equally douchey, though i sense irony in the prep pic'. droopy's hott is not droopy at all, and he rides that filly to a 2 furlong win.
riverdouche
riverdouche
# posted by : 8:01 PM
: 8:01 PM
One of the easier choices: Droopy FTW. Here's my top 10 reasons for giving Drooperino the nod:
10. Using the scientific equation of Hott=DB2, it's easy to calculate that the candlepower of the hottie is inversely propotional to the scrotatude quotient of the Droopster.
9. The 'bag is packing his own bag up front.
8. The Drooperino is clinging to his Hott like it's a helicopter runner in a Die Hard movie.
7. The arm tatt action multiplies the douchitude factor by three.
6. The star on his hat makes me think fondly of Bra!(TM), my personal fave for HCwDb of the Year.
5. C'mon, could that Hott's skirt be any shorter?
4. McScrote can't even get the shocker action right because of the tangle of finger rings he probably got out of the vending machine at Kmart
3. DB1's previously-mentioned underwear action distracts from the ubiquitous camo shorts
2. Stomach tatt, stomach tatt, stomach tatt.
1. Droopy's glasses give him no excuse that he can't see what a 'bag he is when he looks in the mirror
10. Using the scientific equation of Hott=DB2, it's easy to calculate that the candlepower of the hottie is inversely propotional to the scrotatude quotient of the Droopster.
9. The 'bag is packing his own bag up front.
8. The Drooperino is clinging to his Hott like it's a helicopter runner in a Die Hard movie.
7. The arm tatt action multiplies the douchitude factor by three.
6. The star on his hat makes me think fondly of Bra!(TM), my personal fave for HCwDb of the Year.
5. C'mon, could that Hott's skirt be any shorter?
4. McScrote can't even get the shocker action right because of the tangle of finger rings he probably got out of the vending machine at Kmart
3. DB1's previously-mentioned underwear action distracts from the ubiquitous camo shorts
2. Stomach tatt, stomach tatt, stomach tatt.
1. Droopy's glasses give him no excuse that he can't see what a 'bag he is when he looks in the mirror
#3 is two guys that can probably pull chicks without the douchebaguery...i smell douchebag poseurs!!!
#2 is an ugly fat dude who's somehow managed to come up with an alter-ego that gets hot chicks to actually want to pose with him. Look closely SHE HAS HER ARM AROUND HIS BACK FAT!!!! OMG this guy deserves praise not mockery. A high school pic of this guy would have us all ROFLMAO.
SOOO it's no. 1 in a landslide. Not just because these idiots think they look cool, or that every real man looking at this pic wants to knock them on their mofo asses ASAP but I swear to God that's their SISTER they're posing with!! L-O-S-E-R-S!!
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#2 is an ugly fat dude who's somehow managed to come up with an alter-ego that gets hot chicks to actually want to pose with him. Look closely SHE HAS HER ARM AROUND HIS BACK FAT!!!! OMG this guy deserves praise not mockery. A high school pic of this guy would have us all ROFLMAO.
SOOO it's no. 1 in a landslide. Not just because these idiots think they look cool, or that every real man looking at this pic wants to knock them on their mofo asses ASAP but I swear to God that's their SISTER they're posing with!! L-O-S-E-R-S!!
# posted by : 12:24 PM
: 12:24 PM << Home
