Where's the head on the hottie on the right..??. this mattress is ridiculously tasty except for the douche fungus...
 

I listened to Dimitri. I then puked. I have a daughter myself. This is the war I face. This is why I come to this site. It's time to dig in boys and take this war to 'bags. I will now go immerse myself in molten lava and pray the Lord Xenu has mercy on my soul.
 

Who the fuck is this Dimitri scrotebag...and are those messages he left for real?? Holy hell.
-Choada the Hutt
 

What a life, what a life, what a life... If the pics posted on this site are any indication of what Joey P does all day then he is always either: poolside, shopping, or primpin' his blowout and never in school... Well, he's never in school. Joey P is like school on Saturday, he's got no class.
 

Dimitri message....

Wow. Just wow.

I know less about women than any ten swingin' dicks on the planet, but you don't give women ultimatums even after you've been married to them for ten years.

Let alone on an answering machine when you haven't even gone out with them yet.

This guy makes all the classic mistakes--not that I haven't.

He sounds like he is applying for a job as her Sales Manager for Orange County BMW.

"I'll just tell you right now, I am kind of a catch..."

You don't TELL her, you SHOW her--by hitting on the waitress when you take her out!

I am just flabbergasted.

This would be a special "challenge" project for The Date Doctor on Hitch.

The coupe de gras is when he starts psychoanalyzing her on the message machine: "You might be passive-aggressive. You should probably look that up..."

Thanks, Freud!

Boy, I better make that 3 p.m. deadline!!
 

wow. oh wow, oh wow. Dimitri is the ÜBER (that's right, worth the two dots over the "U") douchescrote who is pretty much screaming "I want an anal douche". That is some serious F'd stuff. He would like a helping of that Überwank.
 

Dear Dmitri:

Here is the basic problem with Olga - She has an IQ over 10.

And you are a fuckwit.
 

I literally want to poke my ears out after hearing Dmitri there. I have never been more embarrassed to be called a male than after hearing this numb-nuts attempt to make a pass. Ridiculous.
 

a picture of Dimwitri would be nice to go with the sound.

"im greek, i like to do little boys".
 

Great, now I've punched out the computers on my speaker because I thought a Greek douchebag was living in them.
 

http://www.dimitrithelover.com
 

Douchebags appear to congregate pool-side, yet strangely never seem to be wet from swimming. I attribute this phenomena to one of the following:

A. Douchebags are allergic to water

B. Douchebags can't swim

C. Douchebags are actually environmentally aware (or 'green' if you will) and fear the massive oil slick that this would create.

D. Douchebags are self-absorbed fuckwads who are afraid that water will mess up their hair or 'blowout' (see Travolta in Saturday Night Fever)and wash off their greasy orange sheen.


Take yer pick.
 

Hey, say what you will, but bottom line is this guy is always surrounded by massive amounts of tasty ass. I'd trade spots with him for a day!
 

...tasty ass indeed. these boys are a two-man, tight-pussy-wrecking crew.
 

Dimitri...LOL..What a Jack Off!
Turdacious
 

wait a minute, who's the bigger dickwad - the Porsche Bros. OR the guy center back wearing a leather jacket and jeans to a fucking pool party?! total Waldouche.
okay, trick question. gonna have to bring the Oompas to beat a Porsche tagteam with multiple bikini-hotts like this.

oh, and the girl in the white bikini top left - THOSE are some long, amazing legs ...at least from this vantage point.
 

I hereby nominate Dimitri for the Weekly.

Well done, DB1 -- the audio takes the site to an entirely new level of greatness.
 

"Uh.. hi this is Dmitiri for the third time, but I just wanted to let you know that I have an extensive animal porn collection. Many, many, many, women have commented positively on it"
 

Dmitri.....this can't be real. Seriously, no way. No way! I refuse to believe it....

Don't let it be real, please god.
 

Ha! fucking Funny. He is so fucking Lame.
 

seriously the 3:30 min mark is the best part!
 

I did not think it possible that J. Porsche could be trumped in scrotitude, let alone in the same post.

Holy shit, this is an exponential ratcheting up of the Douche quotient. It's like mixing Axe and Tag into one, ulta-high-power greasy compound.

Seriously DB1, how long have you been sitting on this one? With the book dropping, perfect time to bring it out.
 

Well, the good thing about Dmitri is that he is a gentleman and isn't always ... SHIT, "maybe you were abused in childhood..." I need to stop listening to this. Anyway, the good thing is that he's a gentleman who isn't desperate. All I think of is Jon Favreau in Swingers leaving all the messages for the girl. I picture our boy Dmitri as probably 5'2 100 lbs, rocking a sweater even when he's shirtless, etc.

As for Joseph Porsche, he never fails to impress. I must say, I have a little bit of respect for him as he is always rocking the same girlie, despite the bleethed out look. Plus, I'd like it to be noted that Joey Porsche sees dead people, and half of one is hanging out right behind him. You don't see a lot of half girl/half plants in this world, and that to me is sad.
 

so rarely do you hear such doucheness......

Who uses the word "elegant" that much?

Thank you for this insightful view in to the vacant mind of a douche!
 

Dimitri... WOW. If I ever have a daughter and a guy leaves a message like that... there will be a run on duct tape and lyme at my local hardware store.

Joey Porsche is a wee little man who needs to have his face punched in. And his hat straightened.
 

Joey P looks almost acceptable here, or, maybe its just all the delicious boobies all around him, the rat-bastard
Chicks really do look hotter now than thier moms did back in the day. Must be all the Bovine Growth Hormone in the milk....YaY!, for BGH!
 

dimitri fucking rules where do i join his fan club
 

Oh please don't mute Dmitri's phone number. I have to call and let him know just what a pathetic douche he really is. Please tell me that was a joke...
 

I want to kidnap Joey P and drop him off in Compton or Watts and see what happens. His hat is in the Douche position. Joey Porsche,... there is no substitute! He keeps it real 24/7
 

Dimitri is the epitome of F***ing pathetic!!! Your one of the few normal men in the city? Are you kidding me loser? You are the polar opposite of normal. That message should be played for every female psychology major worldwide, with a strong emphasis on what not to consider normal or acceptable.

You are about as much of a catch as a scraggly ball hair and almost as good looking!
 

Dimitri,

Did you ever know that your my hero?

I swear that wasn't my prozac talking. I am Psychologically normal.
 

I never knew Dimitri was pig latin for "fucking idiot."

"Now here's how it's gonna work" hahahaha... man thats a way to do it.
 

Even the Bleeths in Joey Porsche photos are throwing lip/mouth gestures.

I'm starting to catch on this cultural phenonema...err....travesty:

Joey and Experience take pics of any hott they talk to...even if only for 5 seconds. This they then post to their Facebook/My Space/Gaydar profile in the hopes that it creates traction to get more hotts (of course, I'm guessing that Joey and crew underestimated the true power of the internet beast and had no idea this would make them choad to millions).

Anyway, the bleeths also know the photos are going to wind up somewhere on the internets, so they then too are putting their best bleeth looks forward and it becomes one big vicious, cultural trainwreck that will one day be the equivalent of having been on a reality show, or a member of the 80's hairband Mr. Big: http://www.rockunited.com/gilbertpic4.jpg

Anyway, I feel old saying this, but kids these days....I don't mind the debauchery, we were all doing worse things than our parents. But these today are just plain embarrassing...in a public way no less.

I think Jerry Garcia, or was it DB1?, said it best: "Nothing left to do but mock, mock, mock...."
 

What a dick. Greek dick.
Grick?
 

Joey is not even greek! he is middle eastern.
 

Dimitri. What an arrogant c*nt. Nice tone in his voice - especially the second time. He sounds like a controling asshole. Who would return a call from someone who already sounds this pissed with you when you don't even know them, and over virtually nothing? So someone doesn't call you back - big deal. It happens to everyone assfuck, even people who aren't shitheads or ugly. That guy is pathologically insecure if he can't handle someone not calling back after a day. It's like he's thinking "I'M the one who's supposed to reject women and make them feel insecure and keep them guessing." Those messages ran shivers of disgust down my spine. He needs to be beaten by Bra! with a tire iron. Come to think of it that would make a great CSI episode. I guess it never occurred to him that she may have given him her card to get rid of him - "Look - here's my card. Now please excuse me while i go hang out with my friends." Or maybe she was intimidated by his extremely overbearing personality. No none of that occurs to him because he is a CATCH - no one would do that to a CATCH.

Ugh! I wish I had never listened to that. I want those three minutes back. I wish Pumpy would grab Fish-slap by the ankles and slap this Douche-itri in the face with him - in other words, Fish-slap slapped.
 

sorry, lame shot... just a group of twats!
 

Don't insult Mystery by even associating him in the same sentence with this Deuschbag! This guy brings deuschbaggedness to a whole new level. And Filthy McBaggin, Paul Gilbert is a ridiculous guitarist so he's excused to do whatever the fuck he pleases.
 

DB1,
Here's how its gonna work.....you're going to post Dimitri's complete phone number. His is a Toronto area code and it will be a local call for me. He won't have a problem with this because I am a catch, I am elegant, was not abused as a child, and am pychologically normal
 

dimitri has to be a hoax.... no one is that lmae or self involved.. unless you can braid their chest
 

Any Curb Your Enthusiasm fans here? Reminds me of "I want you to move back in with me......you have until Monday"
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

"hi there Olga - its dimitri - sorry i had to leave in such a rush but my colostomy bag was going to explode, sending a spray of shit everywhere. and by colostomy bag, i mean my mouth"
 

I'd punch Dimitri's face in if I had the chance. Where do these fucking egoes come from? How can he be serious? Really? Put him in Marine Corps boot camp and let some Gunny chew his ass out. He'd be crying in five minutes. Asshole.
 

DB1 - please please please tell me you have a picture of Dimitri!??

Holy Shit. If not email Olga and get her to provide a Police sketch or something!

His number is 416 area code, meaning he lives in my home town of Toronto - so I need to know in case I ever see this scrote on the street to immediately rush over and kick him in the nards.

"Passive-Agressive Disorder"
aahahahahahaaaahaaaahaaa...
 

Joey P. seems to be hanging out with his dad, who looks kind of normal. Sort of undouchetastic, really.

I had to stop listening to Dimitri about thirty seconds in, lest I stab something.
 

Also, don't click on the link provided by Anon 4:43, unless you want to die inside.
 

anon @ 4:43, nice work - www.dmitrithelover.com this is totally the same guy.

also I'm not going to post it - but with some google i think you can find his real number.
 

Dimitri, you're doing it all wrong, see? You have to come straight out and invite them to the ass orgy.
 

I would also like to add, you don't know shit about psychology, so please stop the act you narcissistic bastard.
 

God, Dimitri's phone number is in the 416 area code, which means he is up here in Toronto. Why, God, why? I shudder to think I live in the same city as that douche.
 

Got to give it to these two loads, they got hott ass around all the time.....
 

Thanks, anon @4:43 --

The link to the site's radio interview confirms that Dmitri is indeed a sociopath.

He lost his medical license for hugging and kissing his female patients?

I keep thinking this is a joke -- and a lame one at that -- but when you listen to the pomposity of his self-assertions, it's pretty clear. He really likes the word "elegant". And thinking guys should pick up chicks in the chocolate aisle after Valentine's Day.

Hmmmmmm... If he lost his license in 1997 and was around the minimum age for a new physician -- say, 25ish -- that'd make him around 36ish now. And if the "long-distance relationship" mentioned in the message broke off in December, Olga's message may have been recorded as recently as last month.

He offers classes for "Real Men" in Toronto to spread his knowledge.

God, that's depressing.

And he's a delusional asshole.
 

And for those of you too nauseated to visit the dmitrithelover site, please note:

He calls women who dislike his approach "femi-nazis", "amazons in training", or depicts them as butch lesbians.

His course is available for $269.00 for the entire course, $29.00 for a single class.

Then there's the "Reboot Class":

"Dating Needs Analysis by Dimitri And Katharina (Minimum One Hour) - $197(+GST)
Comprehensive critique on dress, grooming, posture, language, pick-up approach, etc.
Fee credited toward your first course."


And his animated image looks like it was drawn by a sixth-grader.
 

Here's a link to his bio:
http://www.eyeweekly.com/city/features/article/22843

And here's a link to a report about two women infiltrating one of his seminars.

http://www.blogto.com/tno/2008/04/dimitri_the_lover_models_the_real_man/

This guy reminds me of a skycrane: the world's biggest tool.
 

And who the fuck is this "Katharina" working with him?

I picture some aging soviet-era madam with sagging fake breasts, a wrinkly collapsed ass, a hacking cough from the permanent cig hanging off her lips and who calls everybody "darkhkhling".
 

Thank you DB1 for bringing audio to the site. Dimitri is to HCwBD as Jolson was to silents.
 

I don't get how this is the same guy - according to the website, he picks up women by appealing to their "inner slut". So why is he talking about "elegant" and "let the romance begin"?
 

Well obviously forget what I said above - there it is right there in the blog entry by the chicks infiltrating his class:

"You go up to them and say you're one of the most elegant women I've ever seen. "

I do believe that Dimitry is the single person on this site most deserving of the most heinous death imaginable. Maybe the old "death of a thousand cuts" but with all of them aimed at his package? With a squirt of lemon juice after each one?
 

Dimitri is the greatest, and by greatest I mean steaming pile of audio turd/vomit. Yeah, he's a catch, assuming catch has a new definition which is utter scrote fungus.
 

Who the hell is Dimitri?

As for Joey, how can lumps of crap like this constantly hang out with hot tail?
 

I'd try to defend Greek men and saying he's some crazy outlier but alas, we're all the same....

Army of Douche-ness
 

Olga, call me baby - I'm PA as well, we could make great love :-)

ball in your court, courage? What a douche...

who the hell is this jackknife??

I don't play games, stupid TV shows...

What a jag off. Hearing shit like this makes me puke. I love to flirt, but with douche bags like this - I can see why some women get defensive...yikes, what a bag.

Mixed with Joey Porsche, yak! Actually, I'm laughing my ass off at these jag-off's.

Passive aggressive, yah - Look a cute bird Dimitri <#@pow@#> :-)

DJ
 

Joey Porsche looks like MC Pee Pants in this pic.

The radio interview of Dimitri is almost worse than the phne messages because the guy is being treated like a legitimate "pick-up" expert. Can't he see he's encouraging this loser? Women who go with this guy must have zero self-esteem.
 

He is a dating consultant?

The irony, because I believe I OBSERVED HE NEEDED a dating consultant.

He is doing almost everything absolutely wrong...

I realize, however, that it is a numbers game, and if you drop even a lame game on enough women, you will eventually get laid.

I call that, "The Drunken Sailor On Shore Leave Connundrum"...

So I guess I am saying that he has the last laugh because he gets laid more than I do...

It has got to get painful after a while, though. The 99.9% rejection rate, I mean.
 

Joey is my favorite douchebag of all time. He is the perfect example of all me mock. Thank you DB1 for posting a good JP pic everyonce in a while.
 

Hey DB1, I have to admit I love the addition of the douche-recordings. And by love, I mean, it makes me want to punch that testicle-scraping Dimitri in the nads and then make him watch it over and over again in slow-motion.

Will this be continuing? I would love to encourage any hott to send douche recordings to the site so we can puke over them.
 

Dimitri has taken douchebaggery to an entirely new level. I need a new computer after listening to that because douche grease is oozing out of every opening, and you all know that douche grease is almost impossible to remove.

Seriously, I place this guy in the Fish Slap, Ab Lobster, Peaches level of 'bag.

I propose that no effort be spared to get a photo of this choad monkey. We know what town he is from. We have experienced 'bag hunters in the area. This is a Level One alert my friends.

I want a hard target search of every axe/tag retailer, bad hair salon, armani exchange, low rent tat/piercing den, and mandana store in the Toronto area. At the age of 40 he will also be identifiable as the "old guy in the club" so be on the lookout brave hunters of the scrote.

Finally, given the number of brave women who have taken up 'bag tagging lately on this site I must say this. Bravo to you my fine female friends. Your skills are growing by the day. But this is a mission you are not ready to undertake. I have no doubt of your skills, however this is a matter for the males only. It is not a matter of ability, but of your own self preservation. The smallest chance that this steaming pile of manatee excrement could get near one of you is an unacceptable risk.

Consider this douche 'bagged and dangerous. Call for backup if he is sighted. Let's be careful out there.
 

Holy douchebags, Batman. That Dmitri is awesome. Let the romance begin!
 

Thanks for the links--sometimes you have to do your links like THIS in Blogger comments because it chops them off.

Anyway:

The bottom line is that the ugliest guy with the lamest game, if he hits on enough women, will eventually get laid. I mean, there are approx. 34-billion females on Earth--

But the goal of the "Dating Consultant" should be to "reduce the pain," I would think...

Plus--Toronto? Even I could get laid there, factoring in the decline of the US dollar. I mean, anyone who doesn't say, "a-BOAT" for "about" would have an advantage over the indigenous population.

Dmitri--

In fact, you could argue that he takes his game to a level where the doucheyness inverts itself into a Black Hole and becomes cool.

In other words, the way THIS VIDEO is cool, Dimitri is cool.
 

Dmitri is a catch all right - a cum catcher.
 

Okay, the BlogTo thing has a search engine on it so the link is here.

Classic...you can't write FICTION this good...
 

Wow. Where oh where did we find Dimitri? He's just goddamned GOLD! GOLD I TELL YOU! This guy has future felon written all over him. I mean WOW. You wanna talk fucked up? You wanna talk issues? I mean damn. Narcissism (in the psych sense of the term) control obsessions, fixations, you name it. This guy is gonna get found with a women locked in a kennel in his basement. Jeebus.

And my favorite? The poor dear's name is OLGA? I almost spit coffee all over my screen when he said her name. Totally wasn't expecting that because he didn't say it until almost half way through. Oh lord. Hoo boy. Awesome.

Uncle Phinn
 

I dunno what's worse: The fact that Dmitri is a huge choad or the fact that his choadiness might actually be working for him, if you listen to the interview on his webpage.

Either way, I live in Toronto, so i might actually pay the $30 for his class just so i can be close enough to punch him in the throat.

It would be the best $30 i ever spent.
 

As if this could get any better, there is a radio interview.

Nectar from the comic gods??

Where does Doucheology go from here?

I mean, this is getting into Trigodouchery.
 

Listen to the radio interview and you will see how easy it is to get laid in Toronto.

The announcer is all, "Yah! Gee! Yah can't just go up to a woman and be all, 'Ya know ya have a nice bum, ya know!'"

The female announcer even says part of it is, "his voice."

In other words, in the country of Canucks, Dimitri is King.
 

Holy hell, that voicemail is insane. Not good to threaten girls you're trying to bang. Someone should look in the mirror if he wants to start calling out psychotic disorders. No wonder these guys don't have any steady girlfriends. That's kinda restraining order material right there.

To the picture I'm waiting for a "The Happening" moment to well...happen. We need to genetically engineer hotts to emit a pheromone that makes the douches kill themselves with their URCs. Yes, I think thats Nobel Prize material right there.
 

This is truly the gift that keeps on giving--he's...SELLING SHIRTS.

The T-shirt is a crew neck.

One would think it would be a "deep V-neck," n'est-ce pas?

Plus--as I stated I don't know very much about women, but--do you really want to walk down the street trying to pick up chicks...WEARING A BILLBOARD THAT SAYS YOU ARE TAKING A CLASS IN PICKING UP CHICKS??
 

Dimitri MP3 deserves it's own post. It's own RSS feed. It's own montage of images that represent what we think Dimitri looks like. I'm thinkin he's probably a lot like Balky http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Satellite/3763/balki_wb.jpg
 

From the picture on the Blogs To article--where he is partially hiding behind a newspaper--he appears to be WHAT MOST CHICKS think is a good-looking guy.
 

I said pretty much the same exact thing to my wife the first time I met her. Dimitri knows all.
 

Due to the excessively douchetastic phone call/message, I would like to nominate this greasy pile of scrote, Dimitri, for the coveted HCwDB of the week title.

All in favour say boobies!
 

If we get enough soundbites like this, we'll need an audio Hall of Scrote.

Duh-mitri's "long distance relationship": instant messaging.

Is Joey wearing a Jiffy Pop Popcorn pan on his head, or is that really his blowout under there?
 

Hall of Scrote! I don't care if we can't see him, we know he's an uber-douche. And we can't see Olga either, but can't we just assume she's hot? At least put him in the weekly, DB1.

This guy deserves a slow and painful castration-related death.
 

This one's for the Ripley's Hall of Fame: some essentially invisible douchebag is making us overlook a hideous mullet and Joey Porsche!

Is it too late to throw Duh-mitri against the Metaphysical Hooligan for the recent Monthly?
 

even though is comment is waaaaaay down the list and is probably never going to get read, that voicemail is more deserving of a Douchie than any picture i've ever seen on this site... please, please, please, grant Dimitri an award in a new end of the year category because whoever said that a picture of a douchebag is worth a thousand words had quite obviously never heard the king of scrotewank, Dimitri himself, open his fucking twat lips... i'm pretty sure that audio clip just gave me herpes...

Mr. Money 'Bag
 

ahhh, dimitri
could the femme-bitch infested city of poo-ronto have asked or a more perfect scapegoat?
 

Holy Crap. He called a chick that has no interest in him, and he said "If you don't call me, then don't call me" like it's a threat.

He's got the basic idea of a woman having no interest, he just doesn't seem to grasp the mechanics of it.