Last night a DJ shaved my wife...
 

Fishboooooone!!!!
 

Apparently, some of them are Douche Jockeys pushing out the scrote vibes and rockin' the Axe and about-to-be-popped collars or something.

I'd like to see how blue satiny dress hott looks when she standing straight.....or in a bikini. How is that wrong?
 

bad night at the club?
 

.....when she *is* standing straight.....
 

Well said, DB1. Most DJ's these days don't even know who Fishbone or De La Soul is, much less what they sound like. And some DJ's think they're BETTER than those of us who just shelled out $7.50 for a watered down gin & tonic. Dude, I can pick songs and push "play" as well as you can. I'm just not smart enough to figure out how to get someone to pay me a living wage for it.
 

The only DJ I've ever encountered who knew his place and earned my respect frequently uttered the phrase "Give it up for the girls to night gents. That was Tiffany on our main stage. Dallas is up next guys, an remember well drinks are $4 until midnight."
 

Even when DJs are great, they're still just playing other people's music

(and if that sounds harsh, keep in mind that I'm a DJ)
 

Good insight, DJ's are basically a music sommelier nothing more nothing less
 

You, sir, are brilliant. You are an incredibly gifted and thoughtful writer. Truly.
 

Dude--you don't take a day off; I am impressed!

You are really committed to The Cause.

In fact, I would say you are the Che Guevara of Doucheology.

(Yes, I was tempted to say, Choad Guevara...)
 

dj's, like bartenders, can pull down poon by just being there to catch drunken, dopey broads
 

What DJs are not, however, are musicians. They are a trade. And the problem lies when they try to confuse the two.
As a musician, I loved reading that line. Great site here.
~m
 

Beautiful arguement. Loved the closing. Finer words were never written.
 

The worst DJs of all are techno/house DJs, who are the most pretentious of the lot, and sound like they're playing the same record for hours on end. That said, this guy inspires no particular hatred in me.

DB1, please don't forget about Droopy McScrote in tomorrow's weekly. Now that's somebody to loathe.
 

Bless you DB1.Things I've always thought...but never put into print.
One need only fall into a "name" Vegas nightclub to see some scrote staring intensely @ his Mac Book...Only to hit the button & slam on some shit that's been played on the radio 20 times today...Or was the favorite of some frat douche back in the day to realize ANYBODY CAN DO THIS.Five grand a night for this...really?
 

What about when the DJ goes into Remix territory like Paul Oakenfold or Junkie XL?

I'm just sayin'...

I agree with the "aural waiter" metaphor, but some of them out there are really d@mned good waiters.

I mean, those dudes would seem to be the metaphorical equivalent to a waiter in a Brazilian steakhouse that slices the meat at the table and doesn't kill himself or the customers in the process.
 

There is no douchebag here. Yes the hair is a bit spikey, but no visible tattoos, no popped collar, no ridiculous kissy face, no orange glo, or horizontal peace sign.
 

Seems like a simple "Hate Post" on a menopause day.
 

I have nothing to add to this argument or to the picture...

Except that the small of her back looks like a great landing sight for a weeks worth of my seed.

See you all on Monday.
 

Bravo DB1! Bravo sir!

what you hear is the sound of one hand clapping, because the other one is, well, messy, frankly...

anywho, some one a while back i believe summed up this topic very succintly:

Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music they constantly play

Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
HANG THE DJ, HANG THE DJ
Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ
HANG THE DJ


indeed.
 

This could almost be a Where's Waldouche with that specter-like guy in the back right.

Is the hott really that hott?

Hard to tell...
 

I'd beg to differ a tad on this subject. I think there are two different DJs, ones who actual spin and use turntables (where actual talent is involved) and the other lame club DJs (use their laptop, and overlap shitty music) all they do is press buttons. So fuck those club DJS, learn something harder or more appreciated.
 

I've done TONS of DJ work. I spun at a wedding just last week. While you ar ecorrect that being a DJ is not the same as beign a musician, there is a skill to it, and it's a very difficult one to manage - knowing how to "feel the crowd". Now, MOST DJs don't give a right flying fuck - they just play whatever they want to play and you either dig or you don't. They suck.

But I've spun parties where I was able to whip the crowd into a total frenzy. It's not easy. at the same time I've had crowds completely fuck with my head.

Example: I'm spinning an all ages party, so it's a big mix - everything from Elvis to Maroon 5. A friend comes up to me and BEGS for me to put on "the hustle". I know him, and he's cool, so I figure - OK. So After a few songs I put it on and fuck if 10 people didn't start doing the hustle. Perfectly. in unison. I wanted to poop in my pants.

Anothe example: I put "Harlem Nocturne" by Danny Gatton on as a slow dance. Most of the fllor clears - people need a break. There's about 6 couples out there dancing. But one couple in the middle starts getting a little...ummmm... weird. Not in a cool way. Like. Weird. Like touching each other in an oddly sexualistic, but not sexual manner. And their eyes are locked and they... well it was a cross between a tango and dirty dancing. The fllor cleared except for them. At the end they were sprawled on the floor stroking each others faces. Standing ovation in the hall. THAT really fucked with my head, because these two people barely knew each other. What was I party to?

I do not use turntables. I use a laptop.

I have ZERO pretense in terms of "art" as a DJ - I just try to sequence songs in groups so that people have fun and dance and perhaps discover some new music. But it's not just getting a bunch of tunes and using iTunes Shuffle. A good DJ reads a crowd. My favourite is a private party all ages crowd, because then I get to play anything from Les Paul to the Chemical Brothers, from the Beatles to Telepopmusik. Everybody gains from that kind of an experience. It's really fun and a genuine (if attenuated) musical experience.

The crowds I dislike the most are the pretentious "night club / raver / douchebag" crowds. There is far less creativity in programming, as it is all bombing along at 140bpm going DOOF DOOF DOOF or sometimes DOOFtissDOOFtissDOOFtiss. Fuck that pisses me off. Those people are retards.

Word.
 

ummmm..... obviously you have never heard a badass hiphop/turntablist...these are DJ's who also happen to be musicians, but they are very rare.
 

thank you, thank you, thank you.
I've been bitching this for so long i'm gald to hear you say it.
that's partly the reason i put a cig out on some dude's foot when he called Zach De La Rocha a musician and not a lyricist or singer...
symantics are everything.
 

@ dooshasaurus-

you have only proven that you are not a musician...i agree that real turntabling takes skill and so does producing a song...but putting a maroon 5 song on from a turntable at some 13 year olds birthday party doesnt make you a musician and, "reading the crowd" when it's a bunch of moms and kids is far from talent...you could put on soldier boy at a senior prom and everyone would dance to it..not because its good music but because its catchy..no one says "damn this dj really knows how to read us" my god dude..i cant believe you even took the time to explain yourself...im shocked...spinning elvis? what the shit does that mean...dont disgrace such an innovator by saying that you "spun" his songs...im genuinely annoyed by your comment and i can honestly say that this is the first time ive been annoyed by a comment on this site...i have a turntable to listen to records on...when i put on floyd, i dont spin it and remix it like some bullshit and act like its mine...get real dude
 

Thanks DB1. You took the words right out of my mouth (except you made them make sense). As far as "Hang the DJ" goes, works for me.
 

I was a lightman for a great dj for several years. No, they are not musicians. But this particular dj WAS an artist. Sorry, but your attitude laden generality can't be carved in stone.
 

A completely retarded and ill informed post. Have you ever heard of collage? First used by the Dadaists then aesthetically refined by the Surrealist. Artist like Duchamp and Ernst produced amazing works cutting and pasting "other people's" images together, creating new and unintended wholes. How about ready-mades? Another technique developed by Duchamp that utterly redefined the artistic landscape and required nothing more that a simple gesture. Have you been to a gallery lately and seen what people get away with? Stick to posting pics of boobies, foolio. Don't confuse what you do with the genuine social critique you studied as an undergrad.
 

Some DJ's are artists. The ones who use turntables, mix their own samples together and can do some interesting things with scratching and mixing and what not.

Most are pretentious douchebags that think they have some kind of talent or ability but really just ride the coattails of other musicians and add no creativity of their own. But they act like their axe body spray don't stink.
 

"Until then, you are no more a musician than a printing press is an author."

This is the most brilliant, beautiful and articulate thing I've read on the internet all week--praise be to DB1.
 

Firstly, practically any "big name" house/trance/dnb/breaks/whatever DJ that you've heard almost certainly also produces some tracks and has the skills to pay the bills on the decks. Those guys (and occasionally gals) are almost always pretty cool. They just love their music and it shows. Go see DJ Dan or John Digweed or somebody spin. If the guy who smears shit on an icon of the madonna is an artist, then they absolutely are, even if they are not musicians in the traditional sense.

I think I would call a great turntablist such as Kid Koala or Cut Chemist a musician.

If you go to bad night clubs that play top 40 crap, well, then try going to a better club. Bad top 40 hiphop djs are a blight on society. Those guys are no different from the mobile DJ types (sorry wedding dude) who are just cueing up a playlist on itunes.

Now, FWIW, I spin house, dub, and a little dnb. I just really like music and enjoy sharing it with other people. If Fishbone and De La Soul are as eclectic as your musical tastes get, then try listening to a real dj who spins some real beats. It'll blow your mind. And if you just don't dig electronic music for whatever reason, then keep your opinions of djs to yourself. I don't compose critiques of Scandinavian death metal guitarists because I just don't really enjoy Scandinavian death metal. You get it?

PS Lots of good house and trance djs use the circle of fifths to put together their set so that it is key matched and the key changes affect the energy in the room.
 

Sorry, I'm not feelin' this one. He's not particularly douchey & she's not particularly hott.
 

i'm a dj and we're definitely not as talented as musicians. that said, it does take a lot of work and a lot of time... if you're good... to create a playlist that gets a crowd going.

not only that, but it takes a smart and artistic person to be able to figure out what a song will elicit in a crowd and how to use different pieces of music to get a crowd to a certain emotional state.

but in the end... this has more to do with a good ear than being creative musically.

djing is more psychology than it is being a musician.
 

Can you do a commentary on professional sunblock applicators?
 

This is amazingly well written. I know so many people who have no experience playing musical instruments yet think they are so musical inclined. Thanks for writing this.
 

Remember about 12-13 years ago when all the music mags said electronica was gonna kill off rock music? Well it didn't. Know why? You aren't gonna get 10-20,000 people buying tickets to watch some asshole play records for an hour and a half.
Club music is the most annoying noise on the face of the earth. It all sounds the fucking same and it never seems to end. No wonder you have to do ecstacy and have people draw on you with magic markers to tolerate that shit.

Not a douche and possibly a hott.
 

For the people who are calling bullshit on this one, read it again. Then read it again. And maybe one more time to see if you get the point.

He's not discounting the entire profession, or every person who calls himself a DJ. He's calling out the figurative skidmarks who get paid two hundo a night to play unedited original tracks at college bars and then act like they're Satan's gift to nightlife. There are plenty of artists behind the turntables, but there are also just too many assholes who know to play Nickelback's Rock Star when the sorority girls are at their ripest and then close out the night with some Don't Stop Believin' and Livin' on a Prayer.

Those DJs are complete fuckpuddles. Sorry if you were offended by this post, anon 2:53, rave til douche and the rest of you who missed the point and somehow took offense.
 

i think The Smiths said it best:

HANG THE DJ.

'nuff said.
 

also, DB1, you never cease to amaze me with your observations. this one is spot-on, and i couldn't agree with you more.
 

@rave till douche

I don't know as bringing up Duchamp is really a valid counterpoint. Just as DB1 calls out some DJs for appropriating other people's work and barely repackaging it as their own, one could make the same argument about Duchamp. I think found art is ridiculous and fails most tests one might apply to see if something deserves the word "art." In fact, I'd be more inclined to call some undergrad who shits on a podium and calls it performance art an artist than those found art chuckleheads, whose biggest fans are "avant garde" art critics and each other. At least the shitter put something emotional out there. And if she's hot...well, she's coming home with Mr. White.

But back to DJing: The even douchier subspecies are the dolts who pay to listen to 7 hours straight of house or trance or whatever, then claim relgious ecstasy. I'm thinking back to the halcyon days of the Sound Factory in NYC (before it was closed down for drugs), when addled chuckleheads would wander out into the street, dazed and confused, at 9 am. Yeah, buddy, you had a religious experience because of the amount of X you dropped. Also, the repetetive, annoying electro-music mixed with seizure strobes would be considered torture by Amnesty International. You had a "religious experience" because you almost went insane. A few well-timed slaps, and I could have gotten you to confess to being a double agent for Al-Qaeda and the Mossad.
 

finely written. and to the d-bag-j's that were offended: this site a social critique of the highest order.

you sir are a modern day mcluhan wrapped in a baudrillard. a joy to read.
 

pfah is a kiss ass doody lover but he is right.

DJ's are worse then Rachel Rayes butthole. Or Pfahs russian bride wife.


___DOC
 

lame post. makes me not want to come back to this site. Enjoyed it till then.

Good-bye
 

Look, if you don't like electronica and you didn't like the 1990s rave scene, that's all well and good. Listen to whatever you want. One of the wonderful things about being alive in this day and age is that we all have the freedom to listen to whatever jams we like. But if you feel the need to rip on those who honestly really love their music, like mr. white, then I think that you, my friend, are the douche.

If you want to provide some sort of meaningful criticism of an entire genre of music, you need to at least be familiar with it and able to appreciate the virtues of those who do it well.
 

...baby take off your beret, everyone's a critic and most people are djs
 

No beret here. I'm no critic. I'm just a music lover. I just think it's douchey to bitch about other peoples' taste in music. Why does it bother you that someone else enjoys genres of music that you don't "get?"
 

idea for your new website:

www.deejdebate.com
 

Great insight, but you also described most hip hop "artists". Just samplers ripping off real musicians' work. Nothing more to hear folks, just move along until you see a great live band with people actually playing instruments and doing it well. Thanks DB1, well done.
 

HOLLY SHIT!!! IS EVERYONE TAKING CRAZY PILLS??!!!!!

next thing you know glinty is going to be on here explaining why his fucking belt is so awesome.

this isn't really a site for defending the choads on display. It's for ragging on douches. And the 'baby take off your beret..' is not a personal attack on joe, rather lyrics from a Hold Steady song alled Most people are djs

Down Under Douche
 

Effects of Chronic Use of MDMA aka Ecstacy

The long-term health effects of ecstasy use are generally negative consequences that result from the drug's alleged neurotoxic effects on serotonergic neurons. Some further studies have also shown that this damage causes increased rates of depression and anxiety, even after quitting the drug.
In addition to this, some studies have indicated that MDMA may cause long-term memory and cognition impairment. Many factors, including total lifetime MDMA consumption, the duration of abstinence between uses, the environment of use, poly-drug use/abuse, quality of mental health, various lifestyle choices, and predispositions to develop clinical depression and other disorders may contribute to various possible health consequences.
MDMA use has been occasionally associated with liver damage, excessive wear of teeth, and thinking that listening to a repetative shitty drumbeat and sound samples from a Roland 808 and Akai MPC 2500 qualifies as high art.
 

Wow, this one really hit a nerve. I can get pretty defensive about my musical taste, but some out there are really getting their panties in an uproar. I am giving DB1 the BOTD and assuming he differentiates between talented artists and living, breathing jukeboxes.

Mind-blowing. Really. I've got "everything from Elvis to Maroon 5" rattling around my head and I can't figure out for the life of me who is lamer: the 10 people doing "The Hustle" or the person totally losing his shit because 10 people are doing "The Hustle."

Let me set the record straight: If you enjoy listening to trance and electronica, enough to vehemently defend it when it is mocked, you are probably a psychopath. Lock yourself inside before something bad happens.

Furthermore, anybody BEGGING to hear "The Hustle" is assuredly uncool.
 

... I can't figure out for the life of me who is lamer: the 10 people doing "The Hustle" or the person totally losing his shit because 10 people are doing "The Hustle."

BINGO!!!
 

Does that chick have a toothpick in her mouth? And does anyone else get the impression she can peel a banana with her feet?
 

I don't know who I respect the least from this whole fiasco, but we have some candidates:

a.) The mobile dj who defends his art of playing Maroon 5 at weddings. Was this guy kidding? If he is, he gets an A+ because I think he fooled everyone.

b.) The people who chime in to throw all electronic music under the bus. You never listen to the stuff, so how do you think you have a relevant opinion on it?

c.) Or DB1 for starting this train wreck with a post that was, frankly, rather douchey. Try not to venture into subjects where you're ignorant and fake your way through with uninformed (at best) generalizations.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Wow! DB1! You sure know how to get these cat's bloods a boiling. DJ's vs. Musicians, such a hard choice. And by hard, I mean acutely clear.

First, if you want to debate spinning records vs. creating cool playlists on your IPOD, curing cancer, or taint vs. sack dick measuring, this site may not be the place… though I always choose the taint for weird reasons I’m not at liberty to discuss right now. Anyway, we are here to mock the douche / hot commingling. This guy exhibits some douche qualities mentioned well by my colleagues in the comments above and the hot exudes some feelings I can only describe as “hard cock.”
 

Preach on, DB1. Preach on...
 

Dear DB1,

Although this has nothing to do with douchebags/hotties, I enjoyed reading, because everything you wrote is true...

Never the less, you should not deviate from the well established douchy theme of the site!

PS God, I hate DJs!

The God of Everything Douche
 

Wow, that rant of yours was a bit short sighted to say the least. Have a listen to Dj Shadow, Dj Krush, Dj Faust and Shortie to name a few. The turntable is an instrument, a classical instrument it is not, yet it is an instrument. Scratching can actually be written musically on a staff just as a piano or a guitar. Furthermore when you see a DJ using a Laptop, it's simply a piece of technology that has allowed DJs to eliminate the need to bring hundreds of pounds of vinyl with them. They are still using vinyl records, it's just that they only need two of them to play all the tracks they need.

As for a club DJ, yes they are playing other peoples music, however they are mixing and that is not such an easy thing to do. I'd liken it to a cover band, they're just playing other peoples music, but it still takes some skill to achieve.

As for being able to read music in order to compose and call yourself a musician. Well, I think bands like the Sex Pistols and the Ramones proved that is not a requirement.

I found your statements a bit short sighted and not very well thought out.
 

Ranking certain DJs as the best is like going to the park and ranking dog turds by smell. Either way, it still reeks of poo.
 

I wasn't going to comment, but, oh well, might as well.

1. I think douchasaurus's comment is gut busting funny. People who took him or her seriously need to get a life or a clue or listen to more music. (I have Harlem Nocturne by Danny Gatton, and while I find it incomprehensible as a tune for a dance - it's way too slow and depressing and bluesy - any couple that tries would end up doing something seriously deranged. It is a great tune though - awesome guitar work. I saw Gatton a few weeks before he committed suicide. Brilliant player.) I think douchasaurus was pulling your leg, people.

2. I agree with tackad, most of them are not musicians, but they Can be artists. anon 6.05 mentioned Kid Koala and I agree - Koala's a real artist.

3. I would also submit that Philip Jeck is a musician - he uses turntables and music to make his music, but it is really very avant garde type of stuff - very ambient and completely weird. I would recommend his recording, "SURF".

4. John Cage used turntables as music back in the 1930s.

5. DJs are often high end douchebags. Not always, but often. ALL DJs who spin in Ibiza are douchebags. But then, most people who go to Ibiza are douchebags or bleeths, anyway.

6. In the picture - notadouche, and maybe a hott.

The Great Oz has spoken.
 

The "cans" are holding up his popped collar. Man, I hate this guy.
 

BTW, look at that painted brick wall. You can just smell the mothballs in the urinals.
 

@DOC....hello to you too. nice to see you are still a skid mark.
 

As a failed musicion, that little rant brought a tear to my eye.

No, DJs aren't musicians, artists, or even particularly creative, regardless of how desperately they pretend to be. You're shilling someone else's wares, my douchetastic little friends, and no amount of guyliner, tribal tats, or your inflated sense of self worth is going to change that.

Being a musician takes years of study, discipline, and sacrifice. You spin records back and forth to make a scratchy sound, and ham yourself up to easily impressed bleeths who've been drinking lemondrops and appletinis all night. You are scrote, end of story.

Thanks, DB1. This is how I needed to start the day.
 

accepting a dj instead of live music is the greatest example of how our society has lost its taste for authenticity, rating or promoting djs? ok fine if you listen to enough derivative crap i'm sure it begins to separate into categories...but the important thing is this, 30 or more years ago, the economics of the bar/nightclub industry forced people to make a choice, cheap less labior intensive disco, or the more expensive, possibly less easy to control live music crowd...all djs are descendant of the cheap option...
 

This was a good rant, and I think many DJs here are missing the point of what DB1 said. He even puts out the disclaimer right away that DJs can be very good at what they do and are "not auto-douche," but they should know that they're not musicians.

For instance, if I take you to the library and introduce you to some books you really enjoy, and you read them in the order I suggested, am I an "artist"? Apparently, I happened to be in tune to your reading interests, but that doesn't mean I knew what you'd like - I only guessed. It's merely serendipity, if you will.

Or what if it's my voice on the "books on tape" (or mp3) you're hearing? Am I the talent, or am I just reading the words someone else wrote? Perhaps my voice is lending an extra kick to those words, or perhaps the words just flow that well on their own because of the talents of the author.....but I am definitely not the author.

As far as what a DJ is, I would not liken it to being a "cover band" (sorry "matt n john"). That's like saying someone such as Twitney Spears or Ashlee Simpson is a musician while she's lip-synching on stage.....to her own songs! DJs aren't playing any musical instruments - they're playing someone else's recorded work. A cover band is still playing instruments live (presumably) and will sound different than the original artist because the band is comprised of different players. A DJ will play a recorded song and because it's recorded, there will be no difference in the sound unless the DJ throws in some effects, fades it in and out, etc., but the notes on that copy will always sound the same each and every time that copy is played.

But as far as the "rock star" persona goes, I will admit I'd be hard-pressed to maintain my integrity if some hotts kept coming by the booth to ask how I did all this. And if I gained some kind of local fame as a DJ (I'm not one, by the way), I'd certainly take advantage of the work (and easy money). But I think I could still draw the line and admit I'm not a musician.

Some here had a valid point in that this does sound a bit like "a bad night at the club," and perhaps this rant would be aided by a brief explanation of what specific event elicited the response. But that's about all I could find lacking in DB1's rant here, but he picked a point and defended it. He most assuredly has a future as a cultural essayist should he choose the assignment.
 

As a DJ, I very much enjoyed this post! I believe your points are absolutely spot on about 95% of the so-called "DJs" out there and sums up how I feel about them nicely. Just remember there are some out there that have dedicated a lot of time & energy into their art, have musical backgrounds, and produce music. The more I think of it, your arguments really sum of the music industry as a whole, including most "artists".
 

Two words sum up DB1's point on this topic:

Samantha Ronson.


Discuss.
 

Samantha Ronson looks like a 16 year old boy on a month-long meth binge.

and, i'm pretty sure she's seen Fire Crotch naked.

it's confusing.
 

@ rave till douche

As a Music Lover and former DJ I have been party to this argument after a boatload of night trains until the wee hours with people's whose opinions I respect. 'Rave' you are NOT one of those people...

The Duchamp 'collage' argument is invaribaly referenced by the 'art school' snob in the group, whose complete misunderstanding of the point is only bested by the utter laziness of the argument.

Your so called infallible 'argument' is actually based on the notion that famous artists have actually done works of 'collage' and by virtue of that it is considered 'important'. This is to say that they were famous or considered artists 'BEFORE' they so lazily re-interpreted others works into something 'new'... This is like having Bono step behind the tables, SO WHAT????

Now before you retreat to your 'Art School handbook of Douche' and try to reference as many artists who became important for their collage work (which will only degenerate to the cyclical argument of 'what is art')... Take 5 freakn seconds to understand the point next time...

But since your staggering arrogance is seemingly powered by your need to demonstrate a vast knowledge of art and its history, as well as rub our collective faces in it... Let me try to explain it in terms you might understand...

You see, like a journalistic Jackson Pollock, DB1 was throwing his ire and words at the canvas of ' SOME DJ's who backhandedly refer to themselves as artists 'WITHOUT' doing the work'... and maybe he splashed a little on the 'DJ-ing' as a 'so-called artform'... Got it?

So 'Dali'... why dont you take that ginormous ego and 'Van Gogh' back to art school where the teachers can tell you what to like.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

@rave till douche....go 'Warhol' yourself.
 

Gotta disagree there DB1.
I truly good DJ is an artist.
Any disc monkey can throw a song on and hit play (Judge Jules headlining, off his rocker, necking champagne like it was water, playing a set he probably came up with sitting on the shitter!!!).
But a true DJ is someone that reads the crowd, knows his music and chops and changes to suit the collective mood. Guides the masses with the notes(admittedly borrowed but used to a degree that the original pales in comparison) from their speakers (Joy Kitikonti a nice guy and a gifted star).

Right I'm off to drop another 6 doves and paint the ceiling with my empty hands.
(**,)
 

Don't worry about DJ's.

Everybody is now one. Steal your MP3's and get some sort of DJing program @ Best Buy.
 

Ooh, rough attack on DJs!

I agree, most DJs aren't actual musicians, most probably couldn't read scale music, figure out chords on a guitar or piano, most probably couldn't sing if their lives depended on it. Most are merely jukeboxes. Some are good at creating a good atmosphere, but this doesn't make you a musician or an artist.

But...then again, how many top 40 acts are really musicians anyways? Some can sing (rapping does not count), but most of them don't write their own songs or play instruments very well at all.
 

Obviously, you don't understand the art of DJing. You sound like my dad's parents when they called Pink Floyd and Cream "noise". True, though, most DJs don't understand rhythm, structure, or melody/harmony. DJing is really the art of the live remix, and to do it well, you have to have a deep relationship with music.

The true essence of a DJ is not only to read a crowd, but to be able to guide the crowd into an atmosphere. It's the most basic of crowd gatherings, much like a Master of Ceremonies or even a priest/comedian. You can always boil down a performer to what you think they're doing. So many musicians are playing "other people's music". "All Along The Watchtower" wasn't written by Hendrix. The passing along of music is a tradition as old as the art itself (remember back when there were no recordings).

With all that said, there's probably more douchebag djs per capita than any other performing trade, because it is rather easy to fake. You'll know when you see a good DJ (try Oscar G, Dieselboy, Carl Cox, do some homework). But most of the time, you'll see the same type of musician that you see on a Tuesday in Topeka at any dive bar: Douchies trying to get laid with an instrument.
 

Dear Author,

Please stop thinking that the west coast is the center of the universe. Those "DJs" you have out there aren't what we are all like. Thanks.
 

I see alot in the 'DJ Defense' about 'reading the crowd' as being some quantifiable skill... Akin to umm... playing an instrument? Sorry, don't think so. I used to spin so I get the concept yet...

Reading a crowd in a club or at a show is kind of like making a speech at a wedding... The audience is 'with u' They WANT you to do well... In fact they are all there to dance. I just don't agree that knowing WHAT record to play WHEN... with an audience that is doing half the work for you qualifies as 'art' or as being a musician.

It is also a very fair generalization to say that most at the shows are outta their brains and easy targets for stolen rhythms and beats to take them to the 'next level' as well.
 

I get the "I used to spin" comment, so that makes whoever says so an authority. Like, I drive a car, so I don't understand NASCAR drivers making left turns all day. Or I used to ice skate, so I don't understand what's so hard about hockey.

The point is that when you're in environment where the people are there to drug down and hook up, the music is an afterthought (listen to the soundsystem).

A director in a movie doesn't act, he seldom writes, and much of the time doesn't edit (exceptions abound to all these points). However, when a movie is good, the director gets all the cred. Spectacular performance by the actor, slap the director on the back.

With dance music, it's a symbiotic relationship. The tracks must be carefully selected (and de-selected, ie the art of pulling a record quick if it doesn't do what you expect), there is care to the way its mixed, and by God, you have to have hearing akin to a sound engineer to pick out the slight tempo changes even in "machine-made" music. No, DJs aren't like a guitar player strumming away. But like all instruments, you have to dedicate your life to do it well.

And no one knows the horror of seeing the dancefloor empty because you suck that night. Even bad bands, they can make up for it with some on-stage antics. You f--- up as a DJ, and you'll clear a floor.

This can go on and on. But, again, bottom line is that there are subtleties to this form, and most DJs don't get it (even touring DJs are guilty). Hats off to dope DJs that can change the way you see music, and the middle finger to DJ LeDouche, and all the clubs he inhabits across the world.
 

says the muthafuckin blogger to a dj, boy please, if we are pseudo artist then you are a pseudo writer
 

@ nickibishop

listen I hear ya... While I don't think anyone (especially DB1 in his rant) are saying that there is NO skill involved I think he and many more on here have issue with the propensity by some to claim rock star status...

When you got BPM's, waveforms, sample plots and ProTools (which can beat match for you) it is the computer which is doing the heavy lifting... And when the answer is 'well you have to be REALLY creative to know what to play next' it rings a little hollow.

The truth is the DJ will always have to fight for cred when he/she is livin' digital in an organic medium.

I think the last free form 'art' in music is Jazz... the relationship with the audience is not only symbiotic but the relationship between the players is beyond that, as it is truly cause and effect. Where the music goes is solely dependant on the next note and that exact refrain may never be heard ever again. the music is free form and experimental, sometimes working sometimes not... but constantly evolving and changing. Music is organic and it is much more than creating a vibe or feeding an energy... The physical relationship is incredibly important and 'mistakes' often birth the greatest results.

While some Dj's have skill, in terms of 'art'... I think the musician stands alone.
 

@anon2:07PM.....aaaand you are an pseudo poster.

instead of making lame comments here, shouldn't you be out practicing your 'craft'?

go get 'em tiger.
 

Sounds like another Rocker pissed cuz DJs aren't playing his songs... If you are writing in depth songs with deep meaning and super harmonies, you're probably doomed to getting an honorable mention on some music nerd's blog, and then removed from zshare for inactivity.

That girl isn't even that hot. I'd give her a 6.
 

Bravo, DB1.

And anon 2:07 --

I would tell you to go eat a dick if it wasn't cannabalism.

What the fuck.

Do it anyway.
 

Being an ex DJ when carrying vinyl was the norm, there were no laptops, and hotties still got drunk (most likely it was your girlfriend with me a the DJ booth while you were waiting for her at the bar with a drink)...there was no art to it...except for the 3 turntable dub, mix over some instrumental beats...and many times the guidos did not apreciate it...they just wanted to hear some guido music...yeah you read the crowd..that is what you get paid for... so what? big deal..move on to a better topic...and put some hotts so we can continue with the real topic of this site....
 

everybody here is arguing about the difference between two sames. why do musicians who play an 'instrument' (also you need to look up that word) get put up on a pedastool as being purer than virgins.


dj's are douche-choads, musicians are choad-douches. c'mon, a few hundred years ago musicians were the equivilant of the court jester. a mere form of entertainment to be thrown a chicken bone as payment, if it so pleased us.


there was no way they could get off with anyone, except the village hag.



 

Fucking love the "sample-boy" comment.
 

Anyone who says they're an ex-DJ probably didn't have what it takes to cut it in the bizness (especially douches who post anonymously). It's like someone who plays golf on the weekends says that it's just a stupid game of hitting a little ball into a gopher hole (credit: Robyn Williams).

And yes, there is "trade" to it, just as there is to writers. But there is art to it. And just because you STILL don't get it, as some still don't get Jackson Pollock, Chagall, then I give up.

And let's not forget that for a time being, Jazz wasn't considered a viable form of music. And to say that the last freeform art in music in jazz spends too much time admiring their own cleverness.

Stick your neck, try to be creative, get rejected and then continue to look down your nose.

I agree that "dj's are douche-choads, musicians are choad-douches", but that's a generality, and there are a great deal of exceptions. The electronic music movement isn't for everybody, just as many forms of jazz aren't, so I'll just leave it at that.

And to be honest, I don't know why I've spent so much time trying to explain this to anyone on a site dedicated to knocking guys down for bagging a couple hotties.
 

@nickbishop.....your last paragraph sounds like you're looking down your nose at me.
 

This is the funniest commentary ever, but let's get real..What takes more talent, playing bass for Blink-182 or doing what Z-Trip does? It's all relative.
 

DB1 is awesome when he sobers up.
 

@dividedbydouche

OMG did you just knock Blink? You go to hell now!
 

What takes more talent, playing bass for Blink-182 or doing what Z-Trip does?

nice one!

On the same note, one does not need to be a musician to make great music. Someone mentioned the Ramones earlier, case and point.
 

there are plenty of djs that make their own tunes and play them out. but they're not the ones making guest appearances on Entourage or dating actresses.

one thing that has killed respect for proper djs is the whole "i'll cue it up on my laptop" bullshit. great, you can point, click, and drag and have it all mixed for you in Traktor...

when a dj plays vinyl, they're for real.

same, as mentioned before in these comments, can be said for musicians. the bass player for Blink 182 is a megachoad, while Geddy Lee is a shining avatar of musical mastery.
 

You Sir are one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. I don't think I've laughed this hard in quite some time. Dig the site....
 

@ red douchetta -- "when a dj plays vinyl, they're for real."

imo, it's thinking such as this that doesn't make any sense at all. so by this logic, guys such as sasha who produce, cut up their own tracks, and rework samples live with sequencers such as Ableton Live for a crowd are less talented than people who buy records of top40 tracks and spin those? that makes sense. or let's suppose i'm using traktor scratch per your example: now i cue up music to my laptop (ahem, controlled by turntables/ time-coded vinyl, mind you) by dragging / dropping vs. going to my crate and throwing on the same record. so basically i've taken out the act of having to sort through vinyl which can easily warp / degrade and is a pain in the azz to carry everywhere, but now i'm less talented then someone who carts around those SAME SONGS in record format? i'm all for a healthy debate, but that is simply asinine. also, traktor doesn't "mix for you". you probably meant "beatmatch". okay; traktor scratch doesn't, traktor3 does. mixing includes beatmatching and EQing. as beatmatching is the easiest thing to learn w/ regards to djing (e.g. every dj can do it after some practice), some modern software tools can handle it and let you focus on "higher level" tasks such as EQing & programming (putting tracks together in a sequence). what's amusing is that some pretty impressive producers who happen to DJ when they tour simply DON'T know how to beatmatch at all (reportedly, Mylo, Chris Lake). call it a function of technology, but it happens.

back on topic (somewhat): technology has made the barrier to entry lower from a financial / skill standpoint. obviously this leads to a lot of posers starting to dj, but....well, who cares? yeah it's funny to see the pretentious dj (referenced in the post) who thinks he's God gift to music and selling that to people who (sadly some don't know any better). it's pretty hard to be mad at this, though -- i'm a direct beneficiary of technological advances lower the cost of equipment. i liked music a lot and always wanted to learn how to dj, so i bought turntables and a mixer after i finished school. since then, there have been a lot of improvements in software and hardware -- this used to make me feel a bit bitter: i had to drop a decent chunk of money to buy my "start-up" equipment. my big "ah-ha" for today was at my music production class -- the guy teaching started his career at ten years old by taking tapes, cutting them by hand and literally taping tracks together to make long mix tapes. he befriended production engineers to learn technique and to amass incredibly expensive equipment. he's probably in his mid-thirties now and one of five fully certified A.L. instructors in the world. THAT is true love of your craft, imo. he uses the same tools i do when he gigs out. but....

there are guys who use those SAME tools who have about 1% knowledge of how to use it fully, they know what can be learned in a few hours. it's really easy to spot those people though. the ones who have aspirations to learn more yet understand where they are on the musical food-chain (LOW, imo), i applaud them. possibly because i'm still one of them, i feel, but everyone has to start somewhere. the people who think they're musicians -- well, a post was already written about them. :D

and FWIW: people who play their own music > people who play others' music, imo

/obv knows who post was directed towards
//loves this blog
///rant over
 

Meh. I'm an amateur DJ and inclined to agree and disagree. DJs (at least where I am) get by waaay less on their talent than by their song selection - ie willingness to spin whatever shitty electro robotic beeping "song" is making the drunk 17-year-olds go wooooo this week - and do it over and over again every frigging night.

I DJ trance though, which is extremely aurally rich as dance music goes, so even more so than other more melodic forms of dance music being a good trance DJ relies on timing and a good ability with harmonics - you can hear the difference between someone who knows what they're doing and someone who is just posing (most trance DJs are the latter.)

Sure it doesn't have the same cache as producing your own music but I'd go so far out on a limb as to say I don't place much more weight on someone playing their own songs live on stage than a set from someone like say Paul van Dyk - who spins a lot of his own tracks and often plays them live on keyboard, as well as cutting them up, doing mashups etc. I might be biassed, though.
 

Meh. I'm an amateur DJ and inclined to agree and disagree. DJs (at least where I am) get by waaay less on their talent than by their song selection - ie willingness to spin whatever shitty electro robotic beeping "song" is making the drunk 17-year-olds go wooooo this week - and do it over and over again every frigging night.

I DJ trance though, which is extremely aurally rich as dance music goes, so even more so than other more melodic forms of dance music being a good trance DJ relies on timing and a good ability with harmonics - you can hear the difference between someone who knows what they're doing and someone who is just posing (most trance DJs are the latter.)

Sure it doesn't have the same cache as producing your own music but I'd go so far out on a limb as to say I don't place much more weight on someone playing their own songs live on stage than a set from someone like say Paul van Dyk - who spins a lot of his own tracks and often plays them live on keyboard, as well as cutting them up, doing mashups etc. I might be biassed, though.
 

what's amusing is that some pretty impressive producers who happen to DJ when they tour simply DON'T know how to beatmatch at all (reportedly, Mylo, Chris Lake). call it a function of technology, but it happens.


Ronski Speed. Amazing flow and track selection, his whole sets are a bit bumpy. After a while I got used to it though and it actually adds a sorta raw feel which is quite enjoyable.
 

you fuckers need a group session, hug, something. Get a hobby, quit your bitching, man up, leave the bitching to women.
 

Wow! I would not be able to describe exactly how I feel as well as you just did right there.

I play instruments and enjoy music very much. I fiend for it. My friend recently started to listen to only DJ stuff and rap. It drives me insane and I go into psychobabble rants about music and structure and sound and emotions and how things are supposed to be about the music itself and the emotion the artist channels into it. DJ's simply take other people's great music that no one has ever heard of and splice it like some cheesy photoshop hacked together from works of art. I even watched some crappy DJ DVD with my friend and they talked about finding rare vinyls and keeping them a secret from other DJs, like a secret ingredient. There is one DJ who I have heard though, who has impressed me. DJ Shadow. He takes tracks and will change their key, and when he scratches he will use different motions to make different notes of sounds and will actually play scales with the scratches. I would recommend listening to DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist's "Brainfreeze".
 

What I don't understand is why people think Jazz can be the only freestyle form of music.

It's called JAMMING. A true musician, in my opinion, knows how to JAM. They need to be fully in tune with what's going on around them and then respond quickly and precisely. I think that practicing jamming with people can help one learn to play exactly what they hear or feel within, without making mistakes the first time. Then it becomes much easier to focus more on what those feelings or sounds ought to be based on what the others are playing.

Jazz is great, don't get me wrong, I just don't know why it seems to require brass instruments, or is Jazz a more broad term? I'm not much into labels, I just appreciate music for what it is and cant stop thinking about sounds and how they interact, well its hard to explain, its all in my head and very primal.