Monday, July 21, 2008
HCwDB of the Week
Here it is, fellow 'bag hunters. The final HCwDB of the Week to select the fourth slot for next week's HCwDB of the Month Scrote-Off.
This week's cuts of hott/choad have a strange sort of symmetry. Each coupling seems to be in nearly the same position as the others. As if the gods are saying, See the patterns... mock the scrotewanks... for we are all one...
I talk to the gods a lot. Especially Poseidon. That dude cracks me up.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Predatorbag
For bringing back nostalgic memories of jungle-hiding aliens who can take out Bill Duke and Action Jackson with a single blast, Predatorbag has to get a nom.
And besides. I never get tired of screaming get to the choppah!!
Screamed it once during a safari at an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know.
The blonde is girl-next-door cute. Not model-hott overwhelming, but sexy enough that you'd sneak out during your parents pool party during spring break just to catch a glimpse of her in a bikini. At which point you'd soil yourself.
Which is embarrassing. Who soils themselves in their 20s?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Pimpit
There's much to be said for the colliding wrong of the hott/choad in this pic.
Pimpit brings the brand-name douchal infection to new heights, while blondie invokes the power of the Douchadox -- the moment when 'bag hunter is simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by the Bleethed out hott.
Her curves are fine.
His lip-ring harkons the ethos of herp sore metaphor.
Together, they make a douchal peanut butter cup.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Ice Man
As with Pimpit, Ice Man didn't immediately jump out at me as a Weekly Finalist.
But then the truth and beauty of Ice Man's Ass Woman sunk in. As Chowda So Good You'll Lick Your Bowls put it:
I bet when sweet Jenny's delicious salad shooter produces a dainty little movement, it comes out in a cute little jewelry box wrapped in gold foil complete with a bow right before an angel gently glides by to whisk it away from her magnificent bottom.
Jenny's ass does not poop. It creates harmonic symphonies that vibrate across the universe and inspire imperfections in expanding universes that create planets who can only dream of cooling enough in billions of years to produce organic matter with as curvy an ass as Jenny's ass.
And Ice Man is the everybag. Douchey enough to inspire rage, even without the bling and hand gestures. But enough to take the Weekly?
That, my friends, is up to you.
Honorable mention to The Boobie Epiphany and The Weatherhead, both of whom just missed the cut.
Them's your three. Which coupling combines the best/worst of the thighs/scrote to merit a win? Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
This week's cuts of hott/choad have a strange sort of symmetry. Each coupling seems to be in nearly the same position as the others. As if the gods are saying, See the patterns... mock the scrotewanks... for we are all one...
I talk to the gods a lot. Especially Poseidon. That dude cracks me up.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Predatorbag
For bringing back nostalgic memories of jungle-hiding aliens who can take out Bill Duke and Action Jackson with a single blast, Predatorbag has to get a nom.
And besides. I never get tired of screaming get to the choppah!!
Screamed it once during a safari at an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know.
The blonde is girl-next-door cute. Not model-hott overwhelming, but sexy enough that you'd sneak out during your parents pool party during spring break just to catch a glimpse of her in a bikini. At which point you'd soil yourself.
Which is embarrassing. Who soils themselves in their 20s?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Pimpit
There's much to be said for the colliding wrong of the hott/choad in this pic.
Pimpit brings the brand-name douchal infection to new heights, while blondie invokes the power of the Douchadox -- the moment when 'bag hunter is simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by the Bleethed out hott.
Her curves are fine.
His lip-ring harkons the ethos of herp sore metaphor.
Together, they make a douchal peanut butter cup.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Ice Man
As with Pimpit, Ice Man didn't immediately jump out at me as a Weekly Finalist.
But then the truth and beauty of Ice Man's Ass Woman sunk in. As Chowda So Good You'll Lick Your Bowls put it:
I bet when sweet Jenny's delicious salad shooter produces a dainty little movement, it comes out in a cute little jewelry box wrapped in gold foil complete with a bow right before an angel gently glides by to whisk it away from her magnificent bottom.
Jenny's ass does not poop. It creates harmonic symphonies that vibrate across the universe and inspire imperfections in expanding universes that create planets who can only dream of cooling enough in billions of years to produce organic matter with as curvy an ass as Jenny's ass.
And Ice Man is the everybag. Douchey enough to inspire rage, even without the bling and hand gestures. But enough to take the Weekly?
That, my friends, is up to you.
Honorable mention to The Boobie Epiphany and The Weatherhead, both of whom just missed the cut.
Them's your three. Which coupling combines the best/worst of the thighs/scrote to merit a win? Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 6:58 AM 
Comments:
I gotta go with Pimpit. The hair, the lip ring, the glasses, the shirt that is ripped at the sides all the way to the waist. The fact that the shirt actually says Pimpit. And that hott is wearing a sexy slutty shirt that just made blood shoot out of my nose as it rushed to the appropriate part of my body.
This weeks vote is going to be close. There are so many reasons to vote for each one.
For Predatorbag, just the shirtless pose and ridiculous facial expression is enough
for Ice Man, how can you ignore that ass from Heaven?
But, my choice is Pimpit FTW.
The hair, the flab abs, the sunglasses inside, and a Hott with a level of douche-i-ness all her own, that locks it in for me
For Predatorbag, just the shirtless pose and ridiculous facial expression is enough
for Ice Man, how can you ignore that ass from Heaven?
But, my choice is Pimpit FTW.
The hair, the flab abs, the sunglasses inside, and a Hott with a level of douche-i-ness all her own, that locks it in for me
# posted by 
: 7:08 AM
: 7:08 AM
While my groin and brain play tug-o-war over Pimpit's Hilton Hott, my vote's for Predatorbag. Pimpit's just hanging out at home, perhaps waiting for Rocco and D-Boz to come over and tussle in the homemade octagon. But PB and his Jersey princess are out on the town, moving so fast that his clothes can't even keep up.
While Jenny Hott's ass is scrumptous, and Pimpit's faux hawk is the fauxiest hawk I've ever seen, I've got to go with Predatorbag.
He's sporting the designer jeans/white belt/undies/abs/pout combo. And you know he wanted to throw down that water bottle to throw up a shocker. I can see it in his eyes.
Predatorbag FTW.
-revved up like a douche
He's sporting the designer jeans/white belt/undies/abs/pout combo. And you know he wanted to throw down that water bottle to throw up a shocker. I can see it in his eyes.
Predatorbag FTW.
-revved up like a douche
# posted by : 7:12 AM
: 7:12 AM
Predatorbag is 90 kilos of pure mis-shapen ball of clay rotteness. If Jean-Claude Van Damme could speak, he'd say "Stop stealing my bit, you greasey headed, ventrilouquists dummy on growth hormones douche."
Therefore, I vote Pimpit, because the only routine he's stealing is the violinist from Yellowcard's.
Therefore, I vote Pimpit, because the only routine he's stealing is the violinist from Yellowcard's.
I have Assertained that the Ice Man coupling should get the nod, no if's and's or butts.
Her butt is perfection; it should only be wiped with babies and kneaded by eunichs wielding lotion-softened dolphin cocks until it snores the sweet methane of chocolate slumbers.
Her butt is perfection; it should only be wiped with babies and kneaded by eunichs wielding lotion-softened dolphin cocks until it snores the sweet methane of chocolate slumbers.
The Hott is strong here. The Douche are fairly run of the mill, hardly inspirational enough to incite murder (or suicide), so I'm gonna go with a completely different criterion than just choosing the Hottest of the Hotts.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it" - here's a banana leaf grenade thrown Predatorbag's way.
(PS, this dude is actually Billy from Predator, but we'll give DB1 the pass- http://chenzhen.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/billy-predator.jpg )
"If it bleeds, we can kill it" - here's a banana leaf grenade thrown Predatorbag's way.
(PS, this dude is actually Billy from Predator, but we'll give DB1 the pass- http://chenzhen.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/billy-predator.jpg )
# posted by : 7:25 AM
: 7:25 AM
Which is embarrassing. Who soils themselves in their 20s?
As someone hurtling through my 40s, I take solace in the fact that I'm growing ever closer to an appropriate age for soiling myself again.
As someone hurtling through my 40s, I take solace in the fact that I'm growing ever closer to an appropriate age for soiling myself again.
gotta be predator bag, for haunting me with Night of the Living Dummy memories.
# posted by : 7:33 AM
: 7:33 AM
Predatorbag. Pimpit has the hottest hott... but he's just not the douche that Predatorbag is. Ice Man has great looking chick... but he's just a military guy on vacation bag.
- Douchey Smurf
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by : 7:41 AM
: 7:41 AM
Here here, Sockman.
As always, your diagnosis is dead-on. I have personally not been able to sleep since seeing this one. I could give a rat's ass about Stiffler there in the background. All I have been able to think about is that ass.
I'm hooked and I can't stop starin
Oh baby, I wanna get witcha
and take your pitcha
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny.
Iceman- by a butt.
As always, your diagnosis is dead-on. I have personally not been able to sleep since seeing this one. I could give a rat's ass about Stiffler there in the background. All I have been able to think about is that ass.
I'm hooked and I can't stop starin
Oh baby, I wanna get witcha
and take your pitcha
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny.
Iceman- by a butt.
# posted by : 8:02 AM
: 8:02 AM
Wow. I mean, like wow. and by 'wow' i mean, what the fuck?
This weekly is harder than doing upside down Chinese Calculus in braille, underwater in a hippo tank.....but enough about my weekend LSD experiments:
In Third: Pred 'bag:
the greasiest of the lot, to be sure. he's shirtless & hairless with a white belt and a giant mark o' the bag. she's still semi-freshfaced and nubile, and from the looks of things ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE. 'Bag? Yes. Winner? No.
In Second: The Ice Man.
Offhand, I can think of more than two dozen individual acts of perversion I'd like to perform on her gluteus, so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here. Plus, it might violate my parole. It indeed belongs in the Parthenon of Derrières, but doesn't qualify her doucheboy for a prize.
In first: Pimpit.
Standing by my original 'tag of 'Musical Douche', I can tell you these two are really going places, and by 'going places' i mean this is but the first step for them on a long, slow road into a life of douchebag hell for the both of them. This isn't 'just a phase' or behavior that can be blamed on vodka & red bull. This is their life, their highest aspiration, their dream Xanadu, and it will only get worse from here. The only instruments they should be allowed near are sharp ones they can impale themselves with for the betterment of humanity and the arts as a whole.
well, i, for one, am out of bad non-sequiturs.
let's just call it Pimpit FTW and go get a beer, yes?
amen.
This weekly is harder than doing upside down Chinese Calculus in braille, underwater in a hippo tank.....but enough about my weekend LSD experiments:
In Third: Pred 'bag:
the greasiest of the lot, to be sure. he's shirtless & hairless with a white belt and a giant mark o' the bag. she's still semi-freshfaced and nubile, and from the looks of things ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE. 'Bag? Yes. Winner? No.
In Second: The Ice Man.
Offhand, I can think of more than two dozen individual acts of perversion I'd like to perform on her gluteus, so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here. Plus, it might violate my parole. It indeed belongs in the Parthenon of Derrières, but doesn't qualify her doucheboy for a prize.
In first: Pimpit.
Standing by my original 'tag of 'Musical Douche', I can tell you these two are really going places, and by 'going places' i mean this is but the first step for them on a long, slow road into a life of douchebag hell for the both of them. This isn't 'just a phase' or behavior that can be blamed on vodka & red bull. This is their life, their highest aspiration, their dream Xanadu, and it will only get worse from here. The only instruments they should be allowed near are sharp ones they can impale themselves with for the betterment of humanity and the arts as a whole.
well, i, for one, am out of bad non-sequiturs.
let's just call it Pimpit FTW and go get a beer, yes?
amen.
despite Jenny's asstastic and butteriffic picture being included into this Weekly competition, my vote is going for Pimpit. mainly because he inspires rage and mocking laughter all at once. plus, his hott's wearing a lovely corset.
Pimpit, by a lip ring.
Pimpit, by a lip ring.
#3. Ice Man
the hottness of Ass Woman, compared to the stage 1 'Bag Ice Man is too huge.
If I could to the cotton field where the cotton that went into her suit bottom was grown, and induce a genetic weakness into the plants that would cause the said suit bottom to fall apart the moment before this pic was taken, well, I would
#2. Predatorbag
I hate that guy, and his chick is no more than almost pretty.. ALMOST...no cigar
#1. Pimpit
This one has it all for me. His arrogant pose and douchey expression remind me of a wannabe Nick Cage, without the talent, just the one facial expression. He's well into Stage 4 territory She's hot enough to almost justify her aloof disdain. The cognitive dissonance between my desire to do her, in myriad and twisted ways and places, and the rage her Stage 4 bleetiness inspires in me are going to do harm to my internal hamster running his wheel in my head.
For the anger they inspire,
PIMPIT , for the win
the hottness of Ass Woman, compared to the stage 1 'Bag Ice Man is too huge.
If I could to the cotton field where the cotton that went into her suit bottom was grown, and induce a genetic weakness into the plants that would cause the said suit bottom to fall apart the moment before this pic was taken, well, I would
#2. Predatorbag
I hate that guy, and his chick is no more than almost pretty.. ALMOST...no cigar
#1. Pimpit
This one has it all for me. His arrogant pose and douchey expression remind me of a wannabe Nick Cage, without the talent, just the one facial expression. He's well into Stage 4 territory She's hot enough to almost justify her aloof disdain. The cognitive dissonance between my desire to do her, in myriad and twisted ways and places, and the rage her Stage 4 bleetiness inspires in me are going to do harm to my internal hamster running his wheel in my head.
For the anger they inspire,
PIMPIT , for the win
Big head: "predator is the 35 gallon stretch but dont rip hefty bag of all bags"
Lil head: " iceman's lady can go one more round with me in a kiddy pool full of franks red hots while her grandma watches in disappointment/sexual curiosity"
after much debating and brain storming... and a few threats of suicide from lil head, we have decided to give the nod to iceman for his scrotal roll in the "HCwDB nicest ass of the week contest" now somebody melt that douche so his hott can be set free
Lil head: " iceman's lady can go one more round with me in a kiddy pool full of franks red hots while her grandma watches in disappointment/sexual curiosity"
after much debating and brain storming... and a few threats of suicide from lil head, we have decided to give the nod to iceman for his scrotal roll in the "HCwDB nicest ass of the week contest" now somebody melt that douche so his hott can be set free
# posted by : 8:11 AM
: 8:11 AM
As much as I love the hott in IceMan, I can't vote for that simply because I don't think the guy is douche-y enough. Yeah the guy's got some stupid tattoos, he's making a dumb face and his shorts are just ridiculous, but he's not that bad.
My vote goes to Predatorbag. His abs reek of Preparation H, he's got the look of smug arrogance on his face, there's really no reason for his shirt to be off, and lets face it, the hott is eye-humping the camera like it's nobody's business and we can all enjoy that. You suck Predatorbag. I hate you.
Predatorbag FTW.
My vote goes to Predatorbag. His abs reek of Preparation H, he's got the look of smug arrogance on his face, there's really no reason for his shirt to be off, and lets face it, the hott is eye-humping the camera like it's nobody's business and we can all enjoy that. You suck Predatorbag. I hate you.
Predatorbag FTW.
# posted by : 8:14 AM
: 8:14 AM
I'm struggling. Which is worse - shirtlessness for no reason, or a shirt that says PIMPIT? Their hotts being about equal, I'm going to cast with Pimpit on account of his numerous additional douchey attributes. I won't waste your time listing them. You have eyes.
I'm guessing pimpit also has a short guy complex going. Being vertically challenged makes it tougher to keep the 'bag within in check. It's a fact.
Pimpit FTW.
AV
I'm guessing pimpit also has a short guy complex going. Being vertically challenged makes it tougher to keep the 'bag within in check. It's a fact.
Pimpit FTW.
AV
# posted by : 8:14 AM
: 8:14 AM
I vote Ice Man. Her bottom is derriere delight. Hers is a posterior that should be worshipped as fervently as the Cult of Gopala and Krishna.
And by “worship” and “fervently,” I mean I would marinate that slab of booty in teriyaki and Opus One, before compulsively slurping my meal like a feral cat cleaning the amniotic sacks of her kittens.
After she kicked like a mule I would discard my useless testes on the floor and quietly explain to the cops that I had no choice.
Something about I.M. makes me think his tailpipe is rusty. He needs his top chopped, his body slammed to the ground and painted with flat black tar.
But then he would match my '49 Ford Shoebox, so scratch that.
To the junkyard with this douche where he will be iced, man. And by junkyard, I mean Weekly.
And by “worship” and “fervently,” I mean I would marinate that slab of booty in teriyaki and Opus One, before compulsively slurping my meal like a feral cat cleaning the amniotic sacks of her kittens.
After she kicked like a mule I would discard my useless testes on the floor and quietly explain to the cops that I had no choice.
Something about I.M. makes me think his tailpipe is rusty. He needs his top chopped, his body slammed to the ground and painted with flat black tar.
But then he would match my '49 Ford Shoebox, so scratch that.
To the junkyard with this douche where he will be iced, man. And by junkyard, I mean Weekly.
Tough call between Predatorbag and Pimpit, but I'll go with Predatorbag for the win. Something about the smirk on his face that makes my blood pressure rise.
I'd just like to throw it out there that I think Bagnana Daiquiri was a glaring omission. Unless there is some kind of HCwDB code that DB1 adheres to that prevents a douchebag from being nominated for the Weekly twice, Bagnana Daiquiri reigns supreme out of last week's pictures. For what it's worth, I think he deserves HoS consideration and an advanced case of syphilis.
I'd just like to throw it out there that I think Bagnana Daiquiri was a glaring omission. Unless there is some kind of HCwDB code that DB1 adheres to that prevents a douchebag from being nominated for the Weekly twice, Bagnana Daiquiri reigns supreme out of last week's pictures. For what it's worth, I think he deserves HoS consideration and an advanced case of syphilis.
@'ol bagnanimous.....ah yes. her beauty is quite something to behold, eh? the sun spots are a nice touch.
i vote for predatorbag FTW
"you're one ugly motherf*cker!"
the spray-on tan, the abs, the grease, the rob van winkle eyebrow gesticulation...
granted miss high desert runner-up 2006 isn't on the same level as jenny with the ass from heaven, but i would still do a weekend meth binge with her in a seedy motel on south la cienega and then high five my buds down at just tires about it on monday morning.
as for pimpit, i think he might just be xtina's gay hairdresser friend.
-haberdouchery
"you're one ugly motherf*cker!"
the spray-on tan, the abs, the grease, the rob van winkle eyebrow gesticulation...
granted miss high desert runner-up 2006 isn't on the same level as jenny with the ass from heaven, but i would still do a weekend meth binge with her in a seedy motel on south la cienega and then high five my buds down at just tires about it on monday morning.
as for pimpit, i think he might just be xtina's gay hairdresser friend.
-haberdouchery
# posted by : 8:35 AM
: 8:35 AM
"What the hell are you?"
Predatorbag FTW
Just cause he's wearing the same douche-tastic white belt as Jerz Guido Street Dance guy.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it."
Predatorbag FTW
Just cause he's wearing the same douche-tastic white belt as Jerz Guido Street Dance guy.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it."
# posted by : 8:46 AM
: 8:46 AM
as we reach the ascendency of douche culture and begin to experience its Classic Period, kissy faces and fauxhawks are remnants of a more unrefined time...that said, I am all for the shiny, preening, hairless, greasy, white-belted expression of classical douche culture that is Predatorbag.
May he and his people suffer from the overuse of non-rotating-crop-agriculture and the widening gaps of social stratification before the breakdown in governmental control and the erosion of douche culture in the post-classical era.
...and boobies. Fine peroxided boobies.
May he and his people suffer from the overuse of non-rotating-crop-agriculture and the widening gaps of social stratification before the breakdown in governmental control and the erosion of douche culture in the post-classical era.
...and boobies. Fine peroxided boobies.
# posted by : 8:48 AM
: 8:48 AM
for his orang sized hands & shovel to the face inspiring glare, Pimpit ftw... also his hott sizzles
# posted by : 9:01 AM
: 9:01 AM
Predatorbag FTW.
Pimpit's hair makes me want to go beat up a cancer kid, and Sweet Jenny's rearside is epic.
However, Predatorbag has
- No shirt, presumably to show off his crustacean abs.
- A White Belt
- That smug look on his greasy, greasy face (seriously - you can see the cameraman in the reflection).
- A blazing hott on his side, who, despite needing to learn what "moderation" means when it comes to her makeup, looks eerily like a girl I used to have "relations" with in college. The thought of her with this ass clown inspires vomit-induced rage.
Pimpit's hair makes me want to go beat up a cancer kid, and Sweet Jenny's rearside is epic.
However, Predatorbag has
- No shirt, presumably to show off his crustacean abs.
- A White Belt
- That smug look on his greasy, greasy face (seriously - you can see the cameraman in the reflection).
- A blazing hott on his side, who, despite needing to learn what "moderation" means when it comes to her makeup, looks eerily like a girl I used to have "relations" with in college. The thought of her with this ass clown inspires vomit-induced rage.
Pedatorbag is the biggest douche.
Ice Man's hott is the hottest. Did anybody mention them hindquarters?
But these two are not coupled together resulting in a cancel out.
So, I'll go with Pimpit for the win.
Ice Man's hott is the hottest. Did anybody mention them hindquarters?
But these two are not coupled together resulting in a cancel out.
So, I'll go with Pimpit for the win.
# posted by : 9:04 AM
: 9:04 AM
@douchetoevsky....whatever are you yelling about my friend? i find Bea's titties absolutely delicious.
Blogger trashed my earlier, insightful commentary, so whatever, I'm over it. Iceman for the win. His girl's ass puts the "Hot" in "Hot Chicks With Douchebags."
Each of the contestants this week has one or two douchey characteristics, but none of them combines it all in the way Droopy McScrote does.
So, I guess as the final sacrificial lamb to Droopy in the Monthly, I'll have to go with Predatorbag FTW. I truly, viscerally hate his smug expression ... and I still don't see any viable reason for him to be shirtless. For some reason, that just pisses me off.
So, I guess as the final sacrificial lamb to Droopy in the Monthly, I'll have to go with Predatorbag FTW. I truly, viscerally hate his smug expression ... and I still don't see any viable reason for him to be shirtless. For some reason, that just pisses me off.
Predatorbag.
He makes me want to yell "Douche this douching douche!". She makes my loins wiggle in a not so family friendly way.
He makes me want to yell "Douche this douching douche!". She makes my loins wiggle in a not so family friendly way.
# posted by : 9:22 AM
: 9:22 AM
While Ice Man's hottie is definitely the hottest hottie this week, I have to put my vote in for predatorbag this week. He delivers the goods on too many levels to be denied. Plus pink blondie taunts me with her sexy flimsy little dress and matching purse-thing.
While this weeks winner will not be strong enuf to battle the mighy douche Droopy, I suppose we ought to vote anyway. Pimpit is weak on douche in his hime photo. He doesnt let his scrote hang out in public (at least as far as we can tell in this pic) and I question this pic as a set up. Ice man is 100% scrote. the pucker lips, the tats, the undies, the shades. All parts are there. And how bout that ass?
Those things not withstanding, its Predatorbag, FTW. Why does he have his shirt off other than to impress his douchetude to the world? Far as I can tell, there is no beach in sight, no pool party, nada. He is putting out his scrote for all to see. He BELIEVES in himself and all that is douche. Besides, this hott is amazing. I wonder if her panties are the same color as her shirt-dress.
Those things not withstanding, its Predatorbag, FTW. Why does he have his shirt off other than to impress his douchetude to the world? Far as I can tell, there is no beach in sight, no pool party, nada. He is putting out his scrote for all to see. He BELIEVES in himself and all that is douche. Besides, this hott is amazing. I wonder if her panties are the same color as her shirt-dress.
# posted by : 9:44 AM
: 9:44 AM
Predatorbag FTW. He looks like a wax sculpture and that exopression makes me want to shoot mackeral, one after the other, from a clay pigeon machine into his face.
# posted by : 9:55 AM
: 9:55 AM
@sinfonian
I agree. Surfer Kelly's nubile-yet-powerful thighs will crush all competitors. Then, hopefully, they will also crush my head. I hope she got my e-mails.
I agree. Surfer Kelly's nubile-yet-powerful thighs will crush all competitors. Then, hopefully, they will also crush my head. I hope she got my e-mails.
Predatorbag.
FAT WHITE BELT. No more evidence needed.
Also: All that time at the gym has sculpted his body into perfectly ripped proportions. Unfortunately no amount of push ups can cure PUGFACE.
FAT WHITE BELT. No more evidence needed.
Also: All that time at the gym has sculpted his body into perfectly ripped proportions. Unfortunately no amount of push ups can cure PUGFACE.
This should be the closest weekly in a while.
All three douches need to be kicked in the face by not one, but both of Sister Sarah's mules.
Predbag doesn't belong in this weekly. He's a drunk, shirtless, townie, running around at a concert grabbing notts while his gym buddy snaps pics.
Pimpit may be a cage fighter. That certifies him as douche, but no weekly winner.
Iceman...FTW. Only because of that ass. Pacino in 'Heat' looking at Ashley Judd's butterbean,
"Whhhaaattt an assss."
All three douches need to be kicked in the face by not one, but both of Sister Sarah's mules.
Predbag doesn't belong in this weekly. He's a drunk, shirtless, townie, running around at a concert grabbing notts while his gym buddy snaps pics.
Pimpit may be a cage fighter. That certifies him as douche, but no weekly winner.
Iceman...FTW. Only because of that ass. Pacino in 'Heat' looking at Ashley Judd's butterbean,
"Whhhaaattt an assss."
I messed up my hand and can't type much for a while, so I'll be brief.
Iceman: his hott has a butt I'd ride for fun. She has a nice smile. However, sans his dopey tatts, he's not that douchy. His eyes just say "I'm a dork trying to be cool or something". dork != douche.
So it's between Pimpit and Predatorbag. A tough choice, and one I would call tie. Predator's gt a higher contrast to his hott. She is fairly hott, but seems like a decent, if extremely boring, girl. He however, is utter scrote.
Pimpit's contrast is lower - they are both dirt. And she is hott.
So, given the focus here is to expose and mock douchebaggery on all fronts, the vote has to be Pimpit. His hott is a major bleeth. His appearance induces regurgitation. Ugh. Must stop typi
Iceman: his hott has a butt I'd ride for fun. She has a nice smile. However, sans his dopey tatts, he's not that douchy. His eyes just say "I'm a dork trying to be cool or something". dork != douche.
So it's between Pimpit and Predatorbag. A tough choice, and one I would call tie. Predator's gt a higher contrast to his hott. She is fairly hott, but seems like a decent, if extremely boring, girl. He however, is utter scrote.
Pimpit's contrast is lower - they are both dirt. And she is hott.
So, given the focus here is to expose and mock douchebaggery on all fronts, the vote has to be Pimpit. His hott is a major bleeth. His appearance induces regurgitation. Ugh. Must stop typi
# posted by : 10:10 AM
: 10:10 AM
I vote for Predatorbag. Out of context shirtlessness is a big factor in my decision making. And I'm still not convinced Ice Man's not just gay.
# posted by : 10:15 AM
: 10:15 AM
@cheeseporn....hope your hand gets better dude. was it an injury sustained while looking at Jenny's ass?
My vote goes to Predatorbag. If he doesn't win, there's something seriously wrong with the universe.
# posted by : 10:18 AM
: 10:18 AM
When the db's ae each so close on so many individual "merits", I'll utilize the hott factor to decide. But again DB1 has managed to confound the issue - for me, Ice's hott is the hott-iest, with pred's a second place. BUT, pimpit's "hott" clearly shows evidence of contamination, which boost's his db factor for me - nothing worse than a CONTAGIOUS scroate. From there, reevaluating them all, I relaize pimpit just has the extra bit of douche-osity in most categories - bling, glasses, chin pubes coming in, hair - to put him over the top. The added threat of a level one choad infection a la Outbreak makes me tremble...
Pimpit FTW!
Pimpit FTW!
# posted by : 10:52 AM
: 10:52 AM
Hmmm... seems like a weak weekly to me. Weatherhead or Shades would have been great additions, but oh well. Gotta go with Predatorbag FTW. Although Pimpit does have a much stronger hott, and the sunglasses-inside thing irks me, Predatorbag has t otake it. He is the next evolution of Ab-Lobster. He doesn't just lift his shirt up to expose the abs, he TAKES OFF THE SHIRT. At night no less! And with that smirk and white belt, he makes me want to viciously pummel him back to Austria where he belongs.
# posted by : 11:05 AM
: 11:05 AM
Predator FTW. The hallmark of scrotal achievement is when the douche, being human, makes himself look not-human. When the faux that is douche manifests itself physically and beyond mere adornment. The marquee example of this would be the millennium bag. The Predator has achieved such a manifestation, setting himself apart from his competitors.
# posted by : 11:16 AM
: 11:16 AM
Pimpit. It looks like Paris is copying Britney and getting a brown nobody to play with.
# posted by : 11:34 AM
: 11:34 AM
Pretatorbag is just gay.
Iceman could be a contender somday but when you have a douchetastic turd like Pimpit. Damn he rocks. And by rocks I mean he sucks on so many levels.
Pimpit FTW.
Iceman could be a contender somday but when you have a douchetastic turd like Pimpit. Damn he rocks. And by rocks I mean he sucks on so many levels.
Pimpit FTW.
# posted by : 11:42 AM
: 11:42 AM
I vote Predatorbag due to the fact that he is one of the malformed Jerz Guidos dancing in the middle of the street in the video. Or at least he had withing 15 minutes of taking this pic. And she has tresses like Athena and mounds like Vesuvius coming out of the clamshell with Venus. Also both of them don't rate to a bag of mulch on the IQ scale -- combined.
# posted by : 12:01 PM
: 12:01 PM
Iceman's hotts ass doesn't evict turds, however, let's hope it inhales dicks!
# posted by : 12:11 PM
: 12:11 PM
Even though not a candidate my vote has to go to the the Boobie Epiphany. Why? Because of boobs, boobies, boobs, boobs boobs boobs...melons. That' why.
# posted by : 12:21 PM
: 12:21 PM
pfah said...
@cheeseporn....hope your hand gets better dude. was it an injury sustained while looking at Jenny's ass?
================================
No. cooking. got minor burn on the grill, pulled hand back (HOLY-FUCK-OUCHIE!!!) really fast and sprained my wrist from smacking hand into the steel grill cover. Spilled BBQ sauce all over everything, and made complete ass of self in front of friends and neighbors, and not in good way like JennyButt's pert derriere. Minor burns will heal, but wrist is making life hell. Will post more in a week or two when hand heals. Typing with non-dominant hand TRULY sucks.
@cheeseporn....hope your hand gets better dude. was it an injury sustained while looking at Jenny's ass?
================================
No. cooking. got minor burn on the grill, pulled hand back (HOLY-FUCK-OUCHIE!!!) really fast and sprained my wrist from smacking hand into the steel grill cover. Spilled BBQ sauce all over everything, and made complete ass of self in front of friends and neighbors, and not in good way like JennyButt's pert derriere. Minor burns will heal, but wrist is making life hell. Will post more in a week or two when hand heals. Typing with non-dominant hand TRULY sucks.
# posted by : 12:52 PM
: 12:52 PM
I didn't read any comments before posting today, to keep my vote pure. Which means precisely Jack Squat, I know, but yanno, I'm telling you anyway.
All three of these pictures bring to mind Terry Pratchett's ideal of the "Jerk Syndrome." In this theory he posits that many right-minded males, like many of the baghunters here, see a set of hindquarters like those on sweet supple Jenny, and we immediately go into a sort of self-evaluation mode. During this period of reflection, we come to the conclusion that a rump so magnificent as this is clearly too high maintenance, and we surely have nothing to offer. And so we swim in the, in our minds anyway, more attainable end of the pool.
Now the douchebag, he has no such compunctions. He is Master and Commander in his own mind, and thusly approaching the Hott is nothing more than another station of Spectacle Monkey Dance. In turn, the Hott sees that the only members of the male species that seem interested in her are douchebags, and her frame of reference for the entire male gender is thusly skewed towards the Tool. It is in this way that the Bleeth arises.
Which has probably already been said on this site a thousand times, but yanno, I like to sound smart. And also make compound sentences.
For my money no contender this week better represents the Jerk Syndrome as contestant #2, Pimpit. This picture enrages me, yet it also is a fascinating bit of anthropological study. Notice that the Hott has veered off the path into the tangled forest of Bleethdom, yet she is no mere casualty, she transcends the Grieco virus. Notice her superior position. The choad is subjugated beneath her, the only part of him protesting an otherwise supine alignment is the faux-hawk, straining upwards toward fresh air and freedom.
In this picture the Bleeth becomes conqueror. She is the hero of her story. She is no longer beholden to the scrote, the scrote is beholden to her. Although her hipbones are succulent, afterwards you must remember to continue taking your antibiotics, even after outward signs of infection have disappeared.
Pimpit, ftw.
All three of these pictures bring to mind Terry Pratchett's ideal of the "Jerk Syndrome." In this theory he posits that many right-minded males, like many of the baghunters here, see a set of hindquarters like those on sweet supple Jenny, and we immediately go into a sort of self-evaluation mode. During this period of reflection, we come to the conclusion that a rump so magnificent as this is clearly too high maintenance, and we surely have nothing to offer. And so we swim in the, in our minds anyway, more attainable end of the pool.
Now the douchebag, he has no such compunctions. He is Master and Commander in his own mind, and thusly approaching the Hott is nothing more than another station of Spectacle Monkey Dance. In turn, the Hott sees that the only members of the male species that seem interested in her are douchebags, and her frame of reference for the entire male gender is thusly skewed towards the Tool. It is in this way that the Bleeth arises.
Which has probably already been said on this site a thousand times, but yanno, I like to sound smart. And also make compound sentences.
For my money no contender this week better represents the Jerk Syndrome as contestant #2, Pimpit. This picture enrages me, yet it also is a fascinating bit of anthropological study. Notice that the Hott has veered off the path into the tangled forest of Bleethdom, yet she is no mere casualty, she transcends the Grieco virus. Notice her superior position. The choad is subjugated beneath her, the only part of him protesting an otherwise supine alignment is the faux-hawk, straining upwards toward fresh air and freedom.
In this picture the Bleeth becomes conqueror. She is the hero of her story. She is no longer beholden to the scrote, the scrote is beholden to her. Although her hipbones are succulent, afterwards you must remember to continue taking your antibiotics, even after outward signs of infection have disappeared.
Pimpit, ftw.
# posted by : 1:14 PM
: 1:14 PM
the Ice Man bloweth. at least that's what his face seems to say. he gets my vote.
# posted by : 1:44 PM
: 1:44 PM
For me, it's an issue of finding the true hot/douche blend...And for that reason I must go with the ice man. He himself reeks of the 'bag... The stupid tats, the oiled pecs, the swim trunks pulled down so you can see how "cut" he looks, the fugly kissy fase, and cheap ass aviators, not to mention the out of date truckers hat he seems to have used to capture the hottness only moments before (I say this because other than the hat, she gives no signs of Bleethdom and therefore the hat probably does not belong to her). While the Predator and the Pimpit are also very much douches, the douchedar on Icey here goes through the roof.
Now on to the hot. I will say first off that this anaylsis is coming from a straight female, but don't let that make you think my judgement is affected by my love of men or jealousy of other women. Cause Icey's girl is bagin'. To have an ass like that with nary a touch of the cottage cheese thigh is very impressive. She doesn't seem to be Beethed, like the hot in the Pimpit pic (who almost seems to be a Douchebaggettte), and Predator's hot reminds me too much of the prissy Chicago socialite wannabes that invade my campus during the school year to consider her hot. She's probably just as Bleethed as PImpit but doesn't show it due to her vapid apperance. Therefore, Icey's hot wins not only because, let's face it ladies and gents, that ass could lead to world peace, a booming economy, and lots of thigh licking, but her all over apperance is one of the fabled innocent hot forced into a picture with the big bad douche.
Now on to the hot. I will say first off that this anaylsis is coming from a straight female, but don't let that make you think my judgement is affected by my love of men or jealousy of other women. Cause Icey's girl is bagin'. To have an ass like that with nary a touch of the cottage cheese thigh is very impressive. She doesn't seem to be Beethed, like the hot in the Pimpit pic (who almost seems to be a Douchebaggettte), and Predator's hot reminds me too much of the prissy Chicago socialite wannabes that invade my campus during the school year to consider her hot. She's probably just as Bleethed as PImpit but doesn't show it due to her vapid apperance. Therefore, Icey's hot wins not only because, let's face it ladies and gents, that ass could lead to world peace, a booming economy, and lots of thigh licking, but her all over apperance is one of the fabled innocent hot forced into a picture with the big bad douche.
# posted by : 1:49 PM
: 1:49 PM
Predatorbag FTW.
-He's SHIRTLESS in jeans. In public.
-He's staring at the camera with a tough-guy, thug-wannabe look that begs for multiple roundhouse kicks.
-He's oozing grease.
Sure Pimpit's a choad, but he appears to be chilling at home and not spreading the virus throughout the greater population.
Ice Man's hott has a nice bum, but he's nowhere near the douche of the Predator.
Predatorbag FTW.
-He's SHIRTLESS in jeans. In public.
-He's staring at the camera with a tough-guy, thug-wannabe look that begs for multiple roundhouse kicks.
-He's oozing grease.
Sure Pimpit's a choad, but he appears to be chilling at home and not spreading the virus throughout the greater population.
Ice Man's hott has a nice bum, but he's nowhere near the douche of the Predator.
Predatorbag FTW.
# posted by : 2:12 PM
: 2:12 PM
I don't have time to bleed.
Predatorbag FTW. Let me count the ways:
1. White belt
2. Shirtless
3. Self tanner on face only
4. Self tanner on face EXCEPT for on chin. WTF?
His hott may be the least of the three but he is doucher, bagger, scroter than the rest.
Iceman is doing the doucheface on purpose. "Faking the scrotal funk," so to speak.
Pimpit's hott is douche but I am DQ'ing him as his hott is definitely an android.
Predatorbag FTW. Let me count the ways:
1. White belt
2. Shirtless
3. Self tanner on face only
4. Self tanner on face EXCEPT for on chin. WTF?
His hott may be the least of the three but he is doucher, bagger, scroter than the rest.
Iceman is doing the doucheface on purpose. "Faking the scrotal funk," so to speak.
Pimpit's hott is douche but I am DQ'ing him as his hott is definitely an android.
# posted by : 2:17 PM
: 2:17 PM
predatorbag is too stereotypical to for the win in my opinion, in a nation sitting on the verge of overwhelmingly optimistic political turn-over, i submit that perhaps the same change should surface in the hcwdb weeklies... can we elect Pimpit to voice this movement?
"Yes We CAN!"
And by movement, i mean bowl movement of scrote poo... Pimpit for the win...
Mr. Money 'Bags
"Yes We CAN!"
And by movement, i mean bowl movement of scrote poo... Pimpit for the win...
Mr. Money 'Bags
# posted by : 2:30 PM
: 2:30 PM
Iceman. Simply because I will never, never, never get the image of Val Kilmer chomping at Tom Cruise out of my head. Ever.
As one of the most pivotal and groundbreaking Douche-scenes ever made, it rubbeth off on the douche that carryeth the name. Besides, I want to rubbeth off something to the Hott.
Iceman ftw.
As one of the most pivotal and groundbreaking Douche-scenes ever made, it rubbeth off on the douche that carryeth the name. Besides, I want to rubbeth off something to the Hott.
Iceman ftw.
# posted by : 3:16 PM
: 3:16 PM
DB1, going to have to go with predatorbag. We have seen the greasy forehead all to many times, but this choad has greasy cheeks.
Plus, that belt, that disgusting belt. He probably chokes himself with it while he stares in the mirror and jerks his gerkin.
I do like iceman's hott the best, but he's just too everybag.
--Scrote English
Plus, that belt, that disgusting belt. He probably chokes himself with it while he stares in the mirror and jerks his gerkin.
I do like iceman's hott the best, but he's just too everybag.
--Scrote English
# posted by : 3:29 PM
: 3:29 PM
Pimpit FTW, despite the obviously dirty Baguette. His sleeves are open from collar to hemline. He wins based on that alone.
Also, he sucks. Like... a LOT.
Also, he sucks. Like... a LOT.
Ice Man is the winner, and I mean that in the loosest way possible. Neither of the other two girlies are enough for the win, and the doucheosity of Ice Man is enough for the victory. She is 100% pure sex, he is 100% punchable which is a killer combination. So Ice Man is the winner where he'll be thrashed in the Monthly.
This one's fairly a groundball.
Pimpit's bleeth is too bleethed. She elcits nary an erection from me, but instead I want to make her a knuckle sandwich (crusts removed) and serve it to her on a plate of eat me raw.
As ass-erific as Jenny is, Ice Man's douche level color code is still way down at puce.
Which leaves only Predatorbag, of course. This guy makes me want to buy the world to a shirt. And his hott is the spitting image of a girl I had a major boner for in high school, and when I ran into her in a bar just a scant few years ago, I was this close to getting her back to my place when she got a sudden, inexplicable case of the no-thank-yous. And so Predatorbag, even if you weren't already a giant sack of orange diarrhea, you would get my vote for bringing back that hurtful, hurtful memory.
Now, go die.
Pimpit's bleeth is too bleethed. She elcits nary an erection from me, but instead I want to make her a knuckle sandwich (crusts removed) and serve it to her on a plate of eat me raw.
As ass-erific as Jenny is, Ice Man's douche level color code is still way down at puce.
Which leaves only Predatorbag, of course. This guy makes me want to buy the world to a shirt. And his hott is the spitting image of a girl I had a major boner for in high school, and when I ran into her in a bar just a scant few years ago, I was this close to getting her back to my place when she got a sudden, inexplicable case of the no-thank-yous. And so Predatorbag, even if you weren't already a giant sack of orange diarrhea, you would get my vote for bringing back that hurtful, hurtful memory.
Now, go die.
# posted by : 6:00 PM
: 6:00 PM
Hotts, from most despoiled to most delectable -- Pimpit (like rancid meat; unpalatable), Predator (good, but how I hate dresses like that), Ice Man, (everything is perfect)
Scrotes, from least to most choadified -- Ice Man (a novice in the Order of Scrote), Predator (fugly-faced 'bag), Pimpit (his 'bagness threatens to pollute everything around him)
This mirror image in hottness and scroteness makes it difficult, but I'm going to have to go with Ice Man. Pimpit's hot is too repulsive and Pred doesn't quite do it for me.
Ice Man FTW
Scrotes, from least to most choadified -- Ice Man (a novice in the Order of Scrote), Predator (fugly-faced 'bag), Pimpit (his 'bagness threatens to pollute everything around him)
This mirror image in hottness and scroteness makes it difficult, but I'm going to have to go with Ice Man. Pimpit's hot is too repulsive and Pred doesn't quite do it for me.
Ice Man FTW
# posted by : 6:19 PM
: 6:19 PM
Gotta go w/ Pimpit. Not even close. The Hott/Douche coupling is strong in this one. And by strong, I mean corset.
# posted by : 7:04 PM
: 7:04 PM
Oh, Pimpit takes it. Because he is closemouthed arrogant and his hott is expensive-looking. Is that a Lord of the Rings poster on the wall?
Predatorman, in a close race. The smirk. The belt. The shine. How can you deny it?
So send him to the monthly, and may he rot there.
So send him to the monthly, and may he rot there.
# posted by : 7:50 PM
: 7:50 PM
I have to vote for Pimpit and Paris. Their combined douche/bleethness has me wanting to take a cold shower using said skin-wrapped flatulence, whilst cursing the gods for allowing the existence of such undeniably moronic "hey look at us" scrotal ovulatory filth to inhabit space in this dimension. Pimpit FTW!
For the record, I have to say that the Weatherhead has been unjustly robbed of the chance to pummel the other contenders with his superior shittiness.
The ice man is pretty unimpressive, stupid, but unimpressive.
Pimpit and friend are undoubtedly toxic, but I am not throughly convinced that they aren't some sort of halloween costume; and even if they are genuine, I am sad to say that the level of cultural rot that they display is just too common to be worth a vote.
This leaves us with the Predatorbag. This sack of crap is a true professional. No doubt, the shirt he WAS wearing, some sort of metallic blue or fishnet number perhaps, would have marked him as a degenerate, but his douche instincts are so well developed that even with his tiny, reptilian brain he realized that he could more effectively exude scrote-stink without it. Furthermore, note that he has pulled off a very advanced douche maneuver, having transfered the mark of the bag from his forehead to his sneering cheek. Finally I would like to note that he has a certain plastic quality about him that is reminiscent of Millennium bag; MB mark II, a more advanced, tactical model; although he is still dependent on AXE bodyspray as fuel.
His hott is pretty impressive as well. She is like Jessica Simpson without the giant man-shoulders and the bulging drill sergeant jaw.
The ice man is pretty unimpressive, stupid, but unimpressive.
Pimpit and friend are undoubtedly toxic, but I am not throughly convinced that they aren't some sort of halloween costume; and even if they are genuine, I am sad to say that the level of cultural rot that they display is just too common to be worth a vote.
This leaves us with the Predatorbag. This sack of crap is a true professional. No doubt, the shirt he WAS wearing, some sort of metallic blue or fishnet number perhaps, would have marked him as a degenerate, but his douche instincts are so well developed that even with his tiny, reptilian brain he realized that he could more effectively exude scrote-stink without it. Furthermore, note that he has pulled off a very advanced douche maneuver, having transfered the mark of the bag from his forehead to his sneering cheek. Finally I would like to note that he has a certain plastic quality about him that is reminiscent of Millennium bag; MB mark II, a more advanced, tactical model; although he is still dependent on AXE bodyspray as fuel.
His hott is pretty impressive as well. She is like Jessica Simpson without the giant man-shoulders and the bulging drill sergeant jaw.
# posted by : 9:33 PM
: 9:33 PM
Ice Man, because Ass Woman is pure, unBleethed woman in the flesh. The contrast between an everybag and pure hott is more dramatic than more advanced douches posing with Bleethed out hott-wrecks.
Pimpit FTW. He's the worst. Ice man is only average and without that hott, he's out of contention. Predator bag gives credence to the rumor that Tom Brady has an illegitimate brother born in a lab somewhere where they test toxic cleaning solutions for disinfecting urinals, or something like that.
# posted by : 11:13 PM
: 11:13 PM
Predatorbag.
"Come on... Come on! Do it! Do it! Come on. Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Come on! Do it now! Kill me!"
And I would be more than happy to oblige.
"Come on... Come on! Do it! Do it! Come on. Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! I'm here! Kill me! Come on! Kill me! I'm here! Come on! Do it now! Kill me!"
And I would be more than happy to oblige.
# posted by : 11:20 PM
: 11:20 PM