yet another example of, "I promise to take my hands off you & go away, if you tell my bros that I'm hot in the sack"
 

Marie, jest loks at da camera ryite now - Kay?
 

clearly she's a fag hag.
 

She's high on the tan-in-a-can man. What with the aroma of Neuter-gina fake tan and the ever present potpourri of BedHead combined with the sweet smell of 40:1 fuel from his gas-powered leaf blower that he uses for his day job and to style the blowout.

G-d, I hate these pricks.

Must be the meds. It's late and they're wearing off from the morning.

She looks like Teri Hatcher if when Teri was younger she'd done the plastic surgery then instead of post-40.
 

Tell stoner hottie to bring her big sister, Rachel Ray, back to my place.
I already have the V.O.O.
 

Terri Hatcher hottie.

Porku-slime douche
 

This kid went to my high school
 

Hey, Chia Pets break if you throw them on the ground, like REALLY hard, right?

Let's find out...

Just like on Mythbusters...CONFIRMED...

Just in time to sweet his hispanic hott off her feet and make babies...lots of babies. And that's just if she uses my towel in the bathroom...

Wow...she's adorable.
 

hellll-lo sultry brunette. As much as you would wreck my bed at age 40, I don't mind hittin it at age 16. Bet it's like a mouse's ear.

And I'll tell her that. What is wirebrush head gonna do?
 

oh, and Freud *IS* wrong. Wrong about everything. Full of shet the whole lot of it. He's a historical douche.
 

this is him speaking its clearly ur a loser who put me ont his site but im proud bc use are all haters and cannot get as many grls as meim honored that u wanna be like me thanks so much for goign out of your way to do thi thanks alot no wu realize i get hot girls and you dont
 

BADOME
 

BADOME WITH THAT ONE
 

dunO0O0 what your saying cuz he is the hoTTest =] kid everrrrrr and he is my mann and we fukk all the timee =] wutup now
 

THIS KID ID A MANWHORE
 

FACE OF CHINESE BABY...BADOME
 

lmao that girls is not even hot, she looks like an asian squirrel
 

YES YOU NO HES A MANWHORE WHEN HE GETS WITH ME SISTER FUKK MANNN
 

number 1 fukk offf

number 2 shes eva longorias sister

number 3 shes hot

number 4 good job you
 

THIS IS IS ME MIKE THE CHIROPRACTOR..
 

THIS IS IS ME MIKE THE CHIROPRACTOR..
 

Clearly the women are blinded by your skills as a wordsmith. The rythmic cadence of your neolithic banter must send all of the females in your cave into labido-fueled tantrums of sexual desire.
 

aw mikey is mad!
number 1: its spelt "fuck off"
number 2: no.
number 3: lmao no.
number 4: your pathetic.
 

he gets with more girls than anyone of use so stfu ur all losers who are jealous of him and you cud never get with her even if u tried so peacee
 

IF YOU WISH TO SLAPTHATASS PLEASE CONTACT ME AT SLAPTHATASS.COM or LOOK FOR ME ON THE STREETS AND SLAPTHATASS TILL YOU FIND ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU A FREE BLOWJOB..GOOD LUCK
SLAPTHATASS STACY
 

Mellisa and Brendon escape from animatedland al a Ah-Ha Video

Image here
http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/images/home-movies-s4e01-still.png
 

It appears as if the whole tribe as shown up to pay tribute to they're reigning champion. Do you all share the same penis too? It must be hard to keep track of it, what with it being so esay to loose and all of you constantly needing it to masturbate to your prom pictures with your date who may or may not have had a spare Y chromosome; the ones were you wore the "fly" tux, and looked positively "banging."
 

Hahahahahah. Staten Island. Go figure.

She looks like a cross between Teri Hatcher, who is grossly hideous now and Pheobe Cates from her "Fast Times" days.
 

Does mikey typically curl around girls like h's trying to absorb their radiant heat. Or is he just trying to gleen of whatever tesosterone he can grab from whomever, God knows that he needs a bit if his balls are ever going to drop.
 

Didn't an earlier commenter mention that this kid was the funniest guy ever?


Well,


When does he say/do/write something funny?
 

I can't understand how someone can add extra letters to names wherever they like. For instance 'Janelle' becomes 'Jeanelle.' The logic completely eludes me along with the purpose of tying in all caps. Does rambling like a schizophrnic and uppers have any purpose either? The culture of the Staten douche tribes amuses me.
 

THIS IS MIKE ND YOU WHATS FUNNY UR UGLY, YOU GET NO GIRLS YOU CAN TALK AS MUCH SHYT AS U WANT IM ON HERE BC I HAVE THE HOT GIRL NOT YOU YOU R PROBABLY HOME TOUCHING URSELF URA LOSERR HOLLA
 

Flyteeth, is that you?
 

Thanks for letting us know that it is you Mike. I feel so ashamed now, everything you say is so true from all the "shyt" (whatever that is) to the holla, I can't believe you are so astute. The capital letters really just drive the whole package home. Congradulations, sir, I concede to your superior testosterone immediatly and to your staggering intellect.
 

I don't think flyteeth has been released yet. If he was don't you think we would have heard something on the news by now? God have mercy on us all if he has been.
 

Isn't that the guy from the troubling " Aisha " video ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlurgF8KhsU
 

Dr. Douchey:

I think you may be on to something. If it isn't him, he must at least idolize the guy....girl....thing.
 

This is like a weird Twilight Zone episode, I'm hearing people talk in a language that I believe is supposed to be English, but is bordering on gibberish. If one of you Rhodes Scholars is in fact this gentleman, well done friend, but you seem to have a hedgehog on your head. As for her, she's cute, but rocking a ring, so she's out.

I'd also like to give a TARMAL out to Flyteeth wherever you are, may you finally find what you are looking for friend...
 

I'd also like to add, Dr. Douchey, thank you for ruining my life with that video. There is only one Iesha video that matters.

BOYZ II MEN, ABC, BBD the East Coast Family
 

She kind of gives off the pre op tranny vibe.
 

It looks like this douche used bull semen for hair product.
 

Mikey,

Anger is a typical response to learning that others think you're a Douche.

However, we are ultimately here to help. Admitting you are bag is the first step.

From there, you too can do something about that hair and join normal society.

Incidentally, the CAPS/grammer/syntax issues may take some more time. I suggest community college (it's like going back to high school, but they give you smoke breaks, but I digress). And stay off Facebook.

Anyway, also do yourself a favor by possibly picking up the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book (see link in the upper right hand corner of this site). Specifically, there is an entire chapter on supressing, and ultimately overcoming, the Bag Within.

There is hope for you yet Mikey. My suggestion would be to take a few months turning your life around. At that point, feel free then to submit a picture of your "New Self", along with a properly spelled, grammatically correct description of how you did it (it's OK to ask one of them booksmart nerds you know for help on this last part).

Just think, you could be an inspiration to sufferers of the douche virus everywhere!

Don't be afraid to become a 'Friend of DB1'. You can do it Mikey!

Who am I kidding? You'll always smell like an Axe-Poo cocktail.

F. McBaggin'
 

Haven't we seen this douche before?

I don't have the stomach to go back through old posts, but he sure looks familiar.

And by "familiar," I mean "like a sunburned porcupine just before becoming road kill."
 

THIS IS MIKE UR ALL LUSERS I LKE CHIAPETS ND I PAID THIS GURL TO TAKE PIX W/ ME CUZ I GOTZ A BABY DICK HOLLA
 

this fuckhole must have a convertible. or maybe he forgot to remove his fun-fur bike helmet. stupid.
 

chuh-chuh-chuh-DOUCHE
 

waht is up with these wanna be "WISE GUYS" thinking they look hot with a fucking gay ass gay ass tan and hair with 1 pound of gell in it.
 

This comment thread has proved beyond a reasonable doubt why pubescent kids should not be trusted with alcohol or car keys.
 

THIS IS MIKE. STOP HATIN
 

NO this is MIke...Stop Hatin
 

NO this is MIke...Stop Hatin
 

whoever put this pic up on here needs a life
 

jealousy is a bitch haha...for sum1 to make this site jus cas they cant get the girls HAHAHA..too funny and then people sign up and log in to comment like they are all informed ....people stop hatin on new york kids and GET A LIFE do something constructive rather than commentin about a 19 year old kid with a girl.
 

haha pathetic people hatin on a 19 year old kid whos actually WITH a girl..is pretty funny ahahha
 

haha pathetic people hatin on a 19 year old kid whos actually WITH a girl..is pretty funny ahahha
 

And a few more posts above prove why a few young boys should not be trusted while locked in the same room with each other and only a single jelly dong.

Can you say giddy!?

Admin?!
 

Holy Shit! The writing on the wall... D.J.'s already been there and done that.
 

This has to be the douche anthem:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM&feature=user
 

i think i remember this guy from m. night shyamalan's "lady in the water" -- what a piece of floating fecal matter. 2 hours of my life that i will never get back. DAMN YOU, M NIGHT SHYAMALAN!!!!

-haberdouchery
 

I am McHatin. (Hair done by older brothers bean burrito flatulence)

Note Terry Hatcher is leaning away from McHatin.

OK, camera pan left to the hottness smoldering just out of the shot...good...a little more..now...action!
 

So I looked up ol' Mike's profile on Facebook. While it's mostly private, you can probably tell that the profile picture itself deserves to be on this site.

I also note that two young women among his 845 friends are named, respectively, "Bagarozza" and "Bagatta." Draw your own conclusions.
 

It would appear by all this that living in Staten "NYC's Toxic Garbage Dump" Island, does indeed cause birth abnormalaties, including, but not limited to: brain damage, mental retardation, syntax errors and excessive greasy-ness.

As a great man once said:

" Is it possible to mock those who have already made a complete mockery of themselves?


I believe the answer to be 'yes'.
 

Hey Mikey,

Say hi to your buddy Vito Zarconi for me...he did a great job cleanin' my toilet the last time I had too much pasta fazul over at Patsy's on W 56th.

Gargle my cogliones, you little prick.

Joey B.
 

Oh, and BTW...Eva Longoria's sister is mentally-challenged.

You're a douchetard.
 

Mike, if your still reading this, would you do us a favor and enlighten the audience as to what exactly it is you do for a living? Or, if you are in college, what college do you attend, and what is your major? I ask becuase I am trying to ascertain what contribution to the world we might expect from you. I'm not (in the parlance of our times) "hatin'"; I'm just trying to get to know more about the man behind infamy, before I cast dispersions.
 

Mikey - DB1 will take your pic down if you shoot him an email. You might think about* that before you end up in the Hall of Scrote.

*I was going to say 'consider', but I was not sure you would know what that means.
 

I can't help but wonder if this thread is the one where all the regs went apeshit and started spoofing each other. There can't be THIS many turds in one toilet bowl...

Doc?
 

Oh, almost forgot:

He looks like Maury Povich forgot to flush.

And I would like to be her toothbrush. Her COCK toothbrush.

That is all.
 

Where the hell are they? In a bathroom, really wish I could make out the bathroom obscenities scribbled and scratched into the wall behind them

I imagine they say something along the lines of, only a douche fag takes pictures with hotts in pseudo scene gear in back alley bathrooms. The wind Blown Spike hair is seriously starting to make me gag.

Poor hott, so confused.
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

Sweet mother of celery hearts, I wake up this morning and find the short bus dropped its load off at the front door here. Do hedgehogs have their own dialect form of English or what?

"Mikey", or whatever the fuck your mom writes in your underwear, this isn't like texting, okay? You tell us it's you. Good. You tell us stop hating. Good luck with that, and nice work with the "jealous hater" thing. You spelled most of it right.

But then you come around a couple hours later and do the same thing. Huh? Listen, if you don't like all this new fame you're getting, just drop off the word to DB1 and problem is solved. Unless this is the most game you've got so far this year. Then good on you.

I'd be inclined to give you a pass on the douche thing due to your age and immaturity, but after slogging through the incoherent swaggering you and your mouth-breathing entourage inflicted on this thread, nah.

Take your mom's car, pack your buddies in like firewood -- hey, their idea, not mine -- and tell the choads in Belmar we said hi.

And sweet Gina, you can do so, so much better than this hamster.
 

Please don't post real full names in the comments thread. Otherwise, please carry on making fun of Mikey's grammar and hair.

-- management
 

wasn't me!! :P
 

Hey everybody, I just got a message from Flyteeth. He got so excited about Mikey, and the references to himself, he just had to comment:

I FUCEN SHITNE ON THIS FUCEN K;ID!!@

THAT FAOGOHT! MIKE, I FUCEN STU';F' YOR FAOGH WITH FUCEN SWAPMEENA;A SHIT AND FUCER I KICK ASS MAN

I FUCEN WILL SHOA'AVE A FUCEN BAUULLHOAARN DOWN ATHA T
F

SCOROETE!@:"

THAT FUC!

I WILL BEAT ASSHOL TARMAL!

WOITH FUCEN@

FLYTEEH
 

Speaking of Freud, this guy is creepily and clingingly protective of his mother in the pic'.

Give the lady some space!

Remember all those years she spent teaching you how to coordinate henleys for the "layered look."
 

@ frag...

Hey, what's a henley?

Eggs!



bucket of balls
 

Or, if you are in college, what college do you attend, and what is your major?

Facebook sez "Staten Island '10."

Whatever that means.
 

She looks baked! This picture should be captioned, "Dude! Take the picture quick before her real boyfriend gets back from the bar with her refill!" Notice the furtive, hunched over look and the tentative hand on her shoulder.
 

"The Sleeper Must Awaken... The Worm is the Spice."

Gotta luv DUNE and nonsense that could only fit in, well, HERE!

Bit part for STING but I'm sure he would kick this guy's ass for pullin a Cha-Cha-Cha CHIA look

;-)
 

This post has been removed by the author.
 

#1 - she's adorable...I want the two of us to travel the world together where I will show her anything her heart desires. And achieve my life long goal of having sex in every country on the planet.

B - I really hope that some of those Anonymous postings were Chia. It just adds fuel to the fire when this "guy" can't type or spell or create a coherent thought...

B.I - Does anyone else agree that this is probably the most awkward pose posted in a while? He looks like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings trilogy...or maybe constantly straining to lean into the vicinity of hot girls has left him with a wicked case of scoliosis…
 

College of Staten Island Class of 2010. I guess he hasn't fulfilled the English requirement of his general studies degree just yet; he is only a junior. With his obviously worth-every-penney eduation, I foresee him having a successful carrer as a sales rep at a T-Mobile or Verizon store.
 

Mikey, stop harrassing the girl while she's in line for the restoom. Let a girl pee, fer cryin' out loud! Any closer and you'll be standing on her shoulders.

And for all of you questioning where young Michael here hss matriculated, it is obviously Harvard.
 

I was just on the Princeton Review...

Fun facts about CUNY-CSI:

Number of freshman applicants: 7,399
Number of freshman applicants accepted: 7,399
Average HS GPA: 2.98
Middle 50% of SAT scores: Too appalling to even put down.
 

HAHAHA Eva Longoria's sister is Mentally Challenged, so he's right that might be her!! YOUR A DORK BUDDY! Get an education!
 

I briefly moved to New York. I had sex with a lot of girls. I also dressed normally and had absolutely no hair gel.

I would wear something radical, like ... say ... a Polo (collar down) and maybe some random jeans that cost under $50.

Then sex.

Amazing, I know.

I never needed a D-neck shirt, or an orange tan.

I also only knew people who were literate and never once spent more than ten minutes with anyone who was actually from the area (Manhattan excluded ... sort of), because they mostly looked like this assbag.

Just pathetic.
 

Hi I am Mike and I use whale sperm as hair spray and anal lubricant. My Anus, just to be clear!
 

I have a size 12 shoe, and that 'i-like-men' hedgehog douche needs a nice kick to his so called 'nads'.

What a douche-hedgehog "I'm Sonic Man" pickle-dick ...
 

Next up on ABC, Desperate Douchebags, now with younger Teri Hatcher!
 

is that the guy from the aicha video? the scrote formerly known as gellieman? decide for yourselves, i'm convinced. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODmQSPGW6-k
 

when they double post a comment i always think it sounds like the chorus in some R&B song.
 

this kid aint too bad, besiseds wearing a

"I FUCK MAD GIRLS FROM MYSPACE" at a local lougne... ha