Friday, July 18, 2008
Rudy's New Years
Nothing says classy New Years like frosting up them tips, undoing your shirt six buttons, and busting the Rosary Bling. Nicely put together there, Rudy. Aud Lang Syne never sounded so greasy.
Sweet Pouty Turkish Delight, drop the hirsute ball of grease and come let me rub chickenfat on your lower back area while seducing you with rose petals, caviar and a small Belgian tap-dancer named Jurgen, whom we would mock by firelight.
After four hours of chickenfat rubbing, we would retire to the living room to watch David Cronenberg's Scanners in high-def, pausing on the head explosion for me to softly comfort your fears. You would then call a cab, and I'd have to watch the rest of the movie alone.
Dammit. Why don't they ever enjoy watching Scanners after a delightful evening mocking a small Belgian tap-dancer?
Yup. It's Friday. And your humble narrator has slipped on a pop-culture reference, tripped over two misplaced commas, and passed through the looking glass into pure incoherence.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 10:38 AM 
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Although the sultry brunette’s right hand suffers from Karsch-Neugebauer syndrome, I would still apply my seed to her shoulder.
I would apply a rope to his neck bling, by which I would string him from the nearest chandelier.
I would apply a rope to his neck bling, by which I would string him from the nearest chandelier.
The Eternal Question is: How many shirt buttons can one unbutton--or, on a related note, how deep can a V-neck be--before it just becomes a VEST??
Oi! she so hott, lil' head is getting ready to re-enact that scene from scanners.
he needs to celebrate the new year wearing a bottle of Ouzo against his greasy sloped forhead.....
he needs to celebrate the new year wearing a bottle of Ouzo against his greasy sloped forhead.....
Wow c.h. Isn't this interweb thing wonderful. I was able to remind myself of the joys of the Mid-South Fair sideshow freaks again. After of course 9 years of intensive therapy getting the thoughts of a Lobster-boy army overrunning my suburban home while they clacked and shuffled up and down the hallway outside my bedroom door.
# posted by 
: 10:59 AM
: 10:59 AM
i recind my previous remark, as she obviously is doing graduate work in the field of primate research.
he doesn't need a rosary, he needs bannanas and a tire swing...
he doesn't need a rosary, he needs bannanas and a tire swing...
alas, her cleavage doesn't make the cut this week.
the deranged bag is annoying and I probably would mutter drunken insults in real life, but I'm not feeling the hot...and I'm a connoisseur of all things brown-haired and eyed.
I need a gin & tonic for lunch already
the deranged bag is annoying and I probably would mutter drunken insults in real life, but I'm not feeling the hot...and I'm a connoisseur of all things brown-haired and eyed.
I need a gin & tonic for lunch already
“After tipping the lab technician, Gilbert turned and posed proudly for the camera after having just been administered the first anal hot beef injection of the New Year. He was elated that his sister Irma had stuck around long enough to wipe up his chair after he left.”
it would appear he's clutching his gold lamé scarf in his right hand. that item would complete his total-douchebag-outfit for the evening.
keep in mind, they are both making the kissy-face gesture in this shot. which means, even though we all wish not, she's pretty much a lost cause.
which is sad, because i would Liturgical Dance her Lambada until her shoes fell off.
oh well. happy belated new year, you two misguided retards.
keep in mind, they are both making the kissy-face gesture in this shot. which means, even though we all wish not, she's pretty much a lost cause.
which is sad, because i would Liturgical Dance her Lambada until her shoes fell off.
oh well. happy belated new year, you two misguided retards.
Gerald has watched "Scarface" a few times too many me thinks. Hey pal... you aren't a badass Cuban coke slinger... you're a chubby cheeked pool cleaner.
- Douchey Smurf
- Douchey Smurf
# posted by : 12:02 PM
: 12:02 PM
I would scratch her badger and soil her linens. Yes. YES.
And poop under his Happy New Year hat. Although that would be redundant.
And poop under his Happy New Year hat. Although that would be redundant.
I had to look it up, but sweet use of 'hirsute', DB1.
This douche is nothing if not that.
Well, that and malodorous.
AV
This douche is nothing if not that.
Well, that and malodorous.
AV
# posted by : 12:09 PM
: 12:09 PM
Bag 'Lanta:
I don't know what's more startling about your avatar: That Brucie from GTA 4 is real, or that he hangs with Fish Slap.
I don't know what's more startling about your avatar: That Brucie from GTA 4 is real, or that he hangs with Fish Slap.
# posted by : 12:27 PM
: 12:27 PM
waht a bunch of sad pathetic basement trolls you all are. if you had a life y ou wouldn't be on the web h8ing on theirs
yah burned ur asses PwNED!!!
yah burned ur asses PwNED!!!
# posted by : 12:37 PM
: 12:37 PM
Anon 12:37,
This would be much more fun if you had a name. Otherwise, I feel like a caregiver trying to treat a patient with Mowat-Wilson Syndrome. No matter how much support I give, there is no way to ignore your protruding lobes, crossed eyes, cupped ears and drooling mouth agape.
This would be much more fun if you had a name. Otherwise, I feel like a caregiver trying to treat a patient with Mowat-Wilson Syndrome. No matter how much support I give, there is no way to ignore your protruding lobes, crossed eyes, cupped ears and drooling mouth agape.
@anon 12:37
Tell your mother her refund check from Hooked on Phonics is in the mail and should be delivered to your trailer within the week.
Then go clean your room and take off your sisters' panties, she needs them for her date with your stepfather tonight.
Tell your mother her refund check from Hooked on Phonics is in the mail and should be delivered to your trailer within the week.
Then go clean your room and take off your sisters' panties, she needs them for her date with your stepfather tonight.
DB1.....Scanners references always leave me smiling :)
Unfortunately, even though I know that movie ridiculously well front to back, I can't find a way to link it with the douche in sentence form.
All I know is:
More than 1 button undone = Douche
Floral shirt to formal event = Douche
Gel = Douche
Godless while wearing rosary = Douche
Bling = Douche
MASCARA = HUGE DOUCHE
Buddy, you fail. Sweetie, run.
Unfortunately, even though I know that movie ridiculously well front to back, I can't find a way to link it with the douche in sentence form.
All I know is:
More than 1 button undone = Douche
Floral shirt to formal event = Douche
Gel = Douche
Godless while wearing rosary = Douche
Bling = Douche
MASCARA = HUGE DOUCHE
Buddy, you fail. Sweetie, run.
# posted by : 12:45 PM
: 12:45 PM
She wins the gene pool in looks, but fails miserably in common sense. God is bad at proportions.
# posted by : 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
Jesus christ kill yourself.
Why even button the shirt at all at that point? The next person I see make the "corner-of-my-eye-oooh-im-sexy-and-possibly-mysterious-myspace.com" pose for the camera gets my foot right up their ass.
Why even button the shirt at all at that point? The next person I see make the "corner-of-my-eye-oooh-im-sexy-and-possibly-mysterious-myspace.com" pose for the camera gets my foot right up their ass.
Please hand me the Pilgrim shaped Happy New Year hat so I can puke in it. The kind of puke that trails off with several unearthly dry heaves.
Fuck where to start?
This frigg'n ape is more than just a few genes away from being human.
He's got the simeon awning brow.
Brooding look of a retarded silver back.
He's dripping with more oil than a penguin surfing by the Exxon Valdez
The HOTT...A++++...too bad she's going to be difiled by an ape. Aren't there websites that cater to this brand of Zoological hijinx?
Fuck where to start?
This frigg'n ape is more than just a few genes away from being human.
He's got the simeon awning brow.
Brooding look of a retarded silver back.
He's dripping with more oil than a penguin surfing by the Exxon Valdez
The HOTT...A++++...too bad she's going to be difiled by an ape. Aren't there websites that cater to this brand of Zoological hijinx?
@ Anon 12:37 PM -
Hey, asshole, we're not going to just all sit here and let you talk about Pfah like that.
Hey, asshole, we're not going to just all sit here and let you talk about Pfah like that.
@ Blinded 12:27 PM -
Yeah, I stumbled across a couple Fish Slap pics last week while 'bag hunting. Problem was that most of the pics he was in, he was hanging out with other douchebags with his shirt off. No hotts to be seen. Makes me wonder....
Yeah, I stumbled across a couple Fish Slap pics last week while 'bag hunting. Problem was that most of the pics he was in, he was hanging out with other douchebags with his shirt off. No hotts to be seen. Makes me wonder....
If I had to wallow through the grease drain of a Celtic boar smoker on midsummer's day's dawning, in order to grab the pig tooth that would have bit her great-great-great-great-great grampa's testicle, and use it to do the job by hand, thereby not changing the one bit of DNA in this girl that would cause her to projectile vomit on this greico's lap at the moment this pic was snapped, I would consider it my duty to mankind.
thanks fellas! much non-gay love out to you.
@anon12:37.....you're a bitch. you know why? because my mom just told me that you painted the basement i currently live in. so thanks. you did a really good job. other than my underoos, it never gets moist down here.
oh wait.....what's that mom? oh, dinner's ready? cool. mac & cheese again? sweet. read me a story afterward? awesome. don't forget to tuck me in too.
life is good.
get a fucking grip anon12:37. you fucking twink.
@anon12:37.....you're a bitch. you know why? because my mom just told me that you painted the basement i currently live in. so thanks. you did a really good job. other than my underoos, it never gets moist down here.
oh wait.....what's that mom? oh, dinner's ready? cool. mac & cheese again? sweet. read me a story afterward? awesome. don't forget to tuck me in too.
life is good.
get a fucking grip anon12:37. you fucking twink.
OK, I think I figured out the frosted hair tip thing.
Douche as a child was despised by Daddy (for obvious reasons).
Douche gets older and thinks "Maybe if I wear my hair just like mommy's, then maybe Daddy will love me again".
I came to this conclusion at the mall when I saw a number of middle-aged women with this 'bag's exact same hair-do.
Douche as a child was despised by Daddy (for obvious reasons).
Douche gets older and thinks "Maybe if I wear my hair just like mommy's, then maybe Daddy will love me again".
I came to this conclusion at the mall when I saw a number of middle-aged women with this 'bag's exact same hair-do.
her presence at the vfw safe and sane new years eve alcohol free bash tells me there wasn't a single otb winner in the tristate area the week after christmas...because surely in any other scenario she isn't hanging with this douchebag without some severe compensation paid only by those whose cash is newly acquired and somewhat transitory
# posted by : 6:34 AM
: 6:34 AM
@'bag lanta.....yeah, sorry brother. i was hella crabby last night. all's good now though. have a great weekend. douche on!
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