Thursday, September 25, 2008
Ask DB1: Why Can't I Understand HCwDB?
newbie asks:---
someone sent me a link to your site and i'm reading through and i get the general concept. But when it comes to your name tags, like Fish Slap, Gauntlet, etc. i'm not sure if i should understand what goes on or if i need to read through your entire years worth of archives.
i guess i'm saying is this, is it like femullet or something of that nature where you can understand what the name tag means? or would a glossary be a good idea to new people?
----
While most names should be somewhat self-evident (Fish Slap because he needs to be slapped by a giant dead fish, etc.), there is indeed a glossary of terms you can find at the back of my book, on sale at Amazon.
Don't think of it as spending $12.21, needing only an additional $12.79 for your order to qualify for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
Think of it as gaining the wisdom of a lifetime of douchological mock and hottie lust within a larger philosophical dialectic.
Or you can just read along for a few days and pick up the terms as you go. So long as you understand that douches are to be mocked and hotts lusted after, the rest falls into place fairly quickly.
# posted by Douchebag1 @ 8:47 AM 
Comments:
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Boobies: $3,800.00
Hair styled by an exhaust pipe: Free
Matching shirt and tie: $105.00
Boobies: Priceless
Hair styled by an exhaust pipe: Free
Matching shirt and tie: $105.00
Boobies: Priceless
This is the Vegas douche who was on here before. I love it when we get all the "he's really a cool motherfucker" comments, "who runs Vegas..."
1. "Professional Party Planner" is not much different from "Pool Party D.J."
2. The Regis Philbin look with matching shirt and tie is costume-like, I don't care if you did spend $3,000 on it.
3. You look like a clown, and finally...
4. Styling your hair while hanging upside-down in gravity boots is also gay.
P.S. George Michael called. That look was gay in the 80's too.
1. "Professional Party Planner" is not much different from "Pool Party D.J."
2. The Regis Philbin look with matching shirt and tie is costume-like, I don't care if you did spend $3,000 on it.
3. You look like a clown, and finally...
4. Styling your hair while hanging upside-down in gravity boots is also gay.
P.S. George Michael called. That look was gay in the 80's too.
we know this tool...
if he were modern art, he would be called "Flameout with Ass Chin Dribble"
that & Golden Gazonga Girl
if he were modern art, he would be called "Flameout with Ass Chin Dribble"
that & Golden Gazonga Girl
Has our fair maiden Holy Blue Triangle grown up? She is still succulent perfection.
With age comes the wisdom to move from the look at my cool shirt douche to the sugar daddy douche.
Tip of the cap to you m'lady...
-End the haberdouchery
With age comes the wisdom to move from the look at my cool shirt douche to the sugar daddy douche.
Tip of the cap to you m'lady...
-End the haberdouchery
# posted by 
: 9:34 AM
: 9:34 AM
hey DB1
how about an episode of "name that Douche"?
could be fun & with this group some real weiners... er winners
how about an episode of "name that Douche"?
could be fun & with this group some real weiners... er winners
First of all...she is gorgeous and obviously very high maintenance; so Javier must have some bucks.
But, in digging in I see that his glasses are looking pretty crooked on his gourd. Also, the flavor-saver, soul-patch, a.k.a. chin-pubes is/are equally crooked. It looks like a fuzzy catepiller is stuck to his lip.
Is Javier blind in one eye? Does his mom dress him? Is he really gay or juts bi-curious. We may never know the answers to these questions, but we do know one thing: HE IS A DOUCHEBAG.
But, in digging in I see that his glasses are looking pretty crooked on his gourd. Also, the flavor-saver, soul-patch, a.k.a. chin-pubes is/are equally crooked. It looks like a fuzzy catepiller is stuck to his lip.
Is Javier blind in one eye? Does his mom dress him? Is he really gay or juts bi-curious. We may never know the answers to these questions, but we do know one thing: HE IS A DOUCHEBAG.
@eggar mcmuffin
I am blind in one eye (for reals), but I am able to dress myself, so I don't think that can be a possible factor.
I would certainly let her service me orally, but when I woke up the next day with a severe hangover and her huge fake lashes still stuck to my gut, I'd freak the hell out, thinking I had spiders crawling on me.
I am blind in one eye (for reals), but I am able to dress myself, so I don't think that can be a possible factor.
I would certainly let her service me orally, but when I woke up the next day with a severe hangover and her huge fake lashes still stuck to my gut, I'd freak the hell out, thinking I had spiders crawling on me.
Wonder what she'd look like with a gerbil running loose in that rack of hers...
Now, I have to get rid of my shades...eyeglass frames that are identical to this douche's. Really. But they're sure damn comfortable, the flexible frames that bend every which way.
Sort of like that gerbil...
Now, I have to get rid of my shades...eyeglass frames that are identical to this douche's. Really. But they're sure damn comfortable, the flexible frames that bend every which way.
Sort of like that gerbil...
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
The Contortionist with the tarantula eyelashes is amazing! I have no idea how she can have her legs way over there while posing for the picture four feet away.
I would turn her into a pretzel and salt her with my lil' head, then throw her away 'cause she's totally just a high maintenance materialistic whore.
Count Dookie Chin here may run Vegas, but his stylist has got to go. Dude, you look like you fell off the Transylvanian Train to Nowhere. Seriously.
I would turn her into a pretzel and salt her with my lil' head, then throw her away 'cause she's totally just a high maintenance materialistic whore.
Count Dookie Chin here may run Vegas, but his stylist has got to go. Dude, you look like you fell off the Transylvanian Train to Nowhere. Seriously.
"old douchebags never die, they just smell that way."
if his entire being were that red, it wouldn't matter. i would only see boobies.
boobies.
boobies.
boobies.
if his entire being were that red, it wouldn't matter. i would only see boobies.
boobies.
boobies.
boobies.
@ Mr. White:
When I try to cruise around with one eye closed it fucks ME all up, but then again - I am not used a monocular view of the world. I acquiesce to your experience.
However, there must be something that is causing everything on him; even his tie, to pull to his left...dammit Jim...I'm a doctor not a magician!!!
When I try to cruise around with one eye closed it fucks ME all up, but then again - I am not used a monocular view of the world. I acquiesce to your experience.
However, there must be something that is causing everything on him; even his tie, to pull to his left...dammit Jim...I'm a doctor not a magician!!!
I hope to god this chub machine runs Vegas. That's the only rational explanation for this pairing. But I bet he can't frolic.
What kind of dirty Communist wouldn't zoom out to capture the rest of Carmella's majesty?
+It's so sad that the Mongoose those Aconcaguanesque tetas are sorely lacking will be provided by someone other than Mickey Rourke here, as her mating habits are no doubt exactly like that of songbirds.
Sometimes the boobies make me sad.
+It's so sad that the Mongoose those Aconcaguanesque tetas are sorely lacking will be provided by someone other than Mickey Rourke here, as her mating habits are no doubt exactly like that of songbirds.
Sometimes the boobies make me sad.
If you look like Guy Fieri's dark-haired brother, you're a douche no matter what you do. End of story. Go bus table 7, asswipe! And he's 3 feet tall, explaining the legs behind him.
Reclining boobie hott is mighty fine, but are those really fake eyelashes or yet the latest in bleeth tatts?
Reclining boobie hott is mighty fine, but are those really fake eyelashes or yet the latest in bleeth tatts?
Shameless promotion, DB1. Shameless.
Newbie,
I am a proud owner of the HCwDB book and have read the entire glossary. There is nothing in there that would explain how these douches get their monikers. It is a very subject naming convention employed by DB1 which, from what I understand, is often heavily influenced by sugary snacks and extremely cheap alcohol. I didn't get them at first either. But hang around the site and read and eventually you'll pick up the mojo.
Newbie,
I am a proud owner of the HCwDB book and have read the entire glossary. There is nothing in there that would explain how these douches get their monikers. It is a very subject naming convention employed by DB1 which, from what I understand, is often heavily influenced by sugary snacks and extremely cheap alcohol. I didn't get them at first either. But hang around the site and read and eventually you'll pick up the mojo.
# posted by : 2:50 PM
: 2:50 PM
I too am a Noob to HCwDB. I have enjoyed my short time here to the fullest. This past 2 weeks have been very interesting.
The names at first made zero sense. Then, as I read the posts (and laughed my ass off) I learned and understood.
Fear not noob, comprehension will soon come; and you will understand the following"
When I say noob, I mean boob.
Boobies!
Fuck Fish Slap, Fung and DJ Bello!
-Adolf
The names at first made zero sense. Then, as I read the posts (and laughed my ass off) I learned and understood.
Fear not noob, comprehension will soon come; and you will understand the following"
When I say noob, I mean boob.
Boobies!
Fuck Fish Slap, Fung and DJ Bello!
-Adolf
And nice call Anon 9:34, after some photo comparisons, I'm fairly certain that the hott is indeed the Holy Blue Triangle. Anyone? Eh? Anyone?
-Ponderonymous
-Ponderonymous
# posted by : 4:12 PM
: 4:12 PM
i've been on this site for a while, and i have to admit that i always thought "fish slap" meant that the baghunter (not the douchebag) felt as if he had been slapped in the face with a giant dead fish. Anyway, that's what happens to me every time i'm unfortunate enough to see that shitsack's picture
@newbie --
Also think of DB1's book as a time capsule of an era when douchebags ruled the earth but were wiped out when it was discovered that combining hair gel, Axe, and the sun's UV rays produced an effect not unlike rickets. Only much more intense and hilarious.
Also think of DB1's book as a time capsule of an era when douchebags ruled the earth but were wiped out when it was discovered that combining hair gel, Axe, and the sun's UV rays produced an effect not unlike rickets. Only much more intense and hilarious.
He is a costumed satan, a cockeyed old fool, unnaturally regrown hair that must be made big to reaffirm a lost youth, a drizzling shit chin.
but she is long eyelashes, big earrings, a glowing smile and a simple white that says... titties. Titties.
but she is long eyelashes, big earrings, a glowing smile and a simple white that says... titties. Titties.
It's call a huge cock that's how he pulls all the hot honey's. Duh. Too bad you don't have one. That's why you wrote an auto biography.
SD Princess
SD Princess
# posted by : 4:42 AM
: 4:42 AM
Oh my god, it's that slimy choada-boy Tony Verdugo. Wow, you all would be surprised how many of these idiots posted on this website are from Las Vegas. Well... Maybe not because that's where they all live.
SD is San Diego Bitch. You must be thinking of your Sexually Transmitted Disease. I feel sorry for you. It's on your mind. Too Bad.
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# posted by : 1:33 AM
: 1:33 AM << Home
